I never dated this guy but we had a fling for over a year now and we both established that we liked each other but agreed that we shouldn't date just yet. one day out of the blue, he starts ignoring me and completely cuts off contact. he seemed annoyed by me so i stopped contacting him too. it's been 5 months now but i still want him to talk to me like he used to and keep this fling going that could eventually end in us dating. should i just let it go or should i reach out to him? and how could i reach out to him without making it seem awkward or desperate?
Hi, He sounds as if he has a lot of his own insecurities and is deflecting them onto you. He is constantly trying to change you, and tell you that you aren’t enough. You sound to me as if you are not comfortable in being yourself around him. You can’t petend to be someone else to please jom forever, so picture this you are trying to adapt yourself to who he wanrlts and he is still finding flaws. Aren’t you tired already,? he is damaging your self-esteem. There is someone out there , who you may or may not have met, that will adore you flaws and all, bit you have to love yourself enough to know when you are being tolerated , and ” handled”, not loved. This guy you are with, needs you a lot more than you need him, be careful not to allow him to force you to change into someone nobody wants, so thy he can keep you all to himself, while he used you. By that, I mean an insecure, unhappy person that doesn’t feel worthy of anything.
While it is important to not pursue your ex for a month or so, it's okay to be responsive if he or she pursues you. In other words, if you get a call, don't hang up on your ex or refuse to talk. It is not necessary to try to play mind games or play hard to get, and doing so would have the potential to push him or her further away, which is the opposite of your goal at this point.[6]
I hope this article helped you better understand why guys pull away. But there is more you need to be aware of. Most guys will start to pull away at some point. They may even lose interest. You may notice he’s acting colder and he’s less responsive and attentive to you. Do you know how to handle it when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making a common, and major, mistake that might push him further away so be sure to read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Forgot to add, we plan to see each other before the year ends. So around November, Part of me is like ok, dont talk until End of September and ease back in Oct/Nov until you guys see each other again. What this article said about friends and family is so true! I have nothing negative to say about my bf. They feel just because he broke up with me that he is supposed to me the enemy. "Forget him!" "Men are stupid" "Thats his loss, he couldnt man up!" "You deserve better" I hold no hate, only hurt & I accept my part in our demise. It literally made everything worse because i do not feel that way.
Hey! I’m 19& I may have a crush on this guy who approached me in WhatsApp! I was distant at first cuz that’s what I’m like with strangers ,especially guys, who tries to talk to me even when I make it clear that I don’t want to have a conversation with them. But now its been two months and turns out he is not some stranger, he is in same college as me and we have two out of four classes together.
Long distance relationship, We dead-loved each other for one year and then I broke up. She left immediately and I missed her for two weeks and texted back. Three months I didnt care, She kept texting and called. slowly she came up with this breakup thing. All of a sudden she declared breakup and I couldnt digest it. I begged her for 2 weeks. Will she get back? How long should I wait?
Remember, when a man pulls away due to stress it has nothing to do with you or his feelings for you. I understand that you think he should open up to you, but you can’t place these expectations on him. Why? Because he is wired differently than you. You wouldn’t appreciate being forced into doing something that went against your nature and the same is true for him. When someone forces us to be a certain way it’s violating and invasive. It’s a breach of our boundaries and it’s disrespectful.
#8 You are at different stages of the relationship. There are varying levels of a relationship, and if you are on stage 10, but he is still stuck at stage 3, he may be pulling back because he just isn’t ready or capable of being where you are. There are all different reasons why people aren’t willing to commit. If he’s not and he senses that you are, he is going to try to pull away and find some space.
Ladies…all I can say is if you feel insecure about your looks then make yourself more attractive for YOU! Not for a man. There’s nothing that increases a woman’s feelings of insecurity more than doing something to herself FOR a man, or for the purpose of attracting men. It may make you feel confident and powerful in the short term, but that feeling doesn’t last if your focus is on doing it for him. Your purpose should be feeling better about yourself and increasing your own confidence regardless of men. What men seem to forget is that women are not on this earth solely for their pleasure. How you feel about yourself should be totally independent of what men think.
It may sound like common sense but you’d be surprised to know that many people hope to get back with someone they deeply care for, but do nothing to change some of their negative habits or behaviors. Most of the time there are no magic tricks or quick fixes that can bring back the one you love into your life if you haven’t sorted out some of the negative behaviors from your previous relationship.
I met my friend online about 5 months ago. At first he kept in constant contact with me. Then his contact became less frequent. I realized I was the one doing most of the initiating so I stepped back. After 8 days he contacted me saying I dont love him anymore. He explained the problem was not me. He schedule is very busy cause he has a 9-5 job plus an evening contract plus he own several propertyies. I thought he was lieing to me and he was a player. I found out he eas telling the truth. Most times he is extrememly tired. He made a way to spend time with me twice. We had a really good time and he was totally relaxed and he displayed his feelings for me. Both times we met he shut down afterwards and became distant. The first time he came out of it after a week and told me he was in love with me. The second time he shut down. He make sure he text me goodmorning everyday but that is it. After the first week askec if he enjoyed his visit and he said he enjoyed me, but it has been 2 weeks since then and he keeps his contact to a minimum. I reply ro his good morning text and occasionally I will ask how is he doing and he will respond but no additional test after. I have been very quiet trying to give him his space. Yesterday I asked if I offended him in any way and wanted to know why I asked. Confused I just said, “i can’t figure you out but and i want to give you your space. Nut I dont need to be in your head I just want to make sure we are good. Your word is good enough for me. He said we are good and texted an emoji kiss. I said okay.
For years Peter had reacted to Paulette's complaints about him with defensiveness. When he did allow himself to hear information about what he was doing that troubled his wife, he'd get mad at himself.  Listening to her had escalated his agitation and distress instead of leading to learning. Now Peter decided he'd better address her concerns, beginning by writing out a list of all he could recall. "Information is power," he reminded himself to ease the sting of shame and guilt. 
I dated someone for 2 1/2 years and it suddenly ended last week. He said I’m his best friend and he loves me deeply but there was a disconnect and he isn’t sure why. Said some things from the past concern him and it was time to move forward or let go. He said wasn’t sure if his feelings would come back and it wasn’t fair to him or me. He said he doesn’t have a negative word to describe me and he doesn’t understand it. Said if somethings meant to be it will be. He’s now going to therapy to work through his communication issues and commitment fears. As am I for my self worth.
Don’t make him a priority. Instead of carrying on with your life as normal, you decide to make him the center of your universe. You cancel plans with your friends to hang out with him, you change your Facebook relationship status, you even daydream about what he’d look like in a tux on our wedding day. This is all so very wrong. It’s still the very early stages, so he shouldn’t automatically earn a top spot in your life—at least not for a while yet.
With hindsight, Peter could see that the unpleasant situation he found himself in every day at work had left him depressed in the evenings. His response to depression had been to sink increasingly into "poor me" ruminations. "How can they treat me so unfairly? Why can't my boss appreciate my talents?  I'm stuck in a job that's not my thing. I hate having a job that doesn't fit and a boss who's chronically negative."
Answer: Stop being so aggressive. The more you push, the more he is going to pull away. Give him some space to figure stuff out without all the questions and accusations. If you push him too far, you are going to lose him. If you take some of the pressure off, he may just find his way back to you. [Read: 20 glaring signs you have a control freak in you]
There are many, many reasons why someone may choose to explore a reconciliation with their ex. But a lot of the time, those reasons aren’t exactly good. "People often want to get an ex back because they think it will heal the pain they feel in the immediate moment," says Brandy Engler, psychologist and author of The Men On My Couch. "If they were rejected or broken up with, it can be a strong impulse to want that person to accept you in order to heal the wound of rejection." And that, of course, isn’t a good reason to get back together.
Well my boyfriend who I've dated for 4 months this told me he just doesn't feel the same way how I feel. We talked about it before and this is our second breakup. What confuses me is how he says he still cares about me and hates seeing me broken like this. And in my heart I love him even with this, and I've read your article that I shouldn't try to pl ish for something because it'll just push him away more and I dont want that. Is there any way or possibility that we will be together again? I've seen this before with one of my friends and her and her ex got bsck together again and he wont let her go ever again. I ha e this thought in my head that it'll happen to me where he'll come back and we'll have a stronger relationship and be together. I'm in the grief stage now and everything just hurts. Is there any way that I'll know he will know that this was a good decision he made between us? He messages me still a day after the break up and he says he feels horrible for putting me through this pain again. I just want to know what to do next for him to take me back.
Do something nice for her without expecting her to pay you back. If she's studying late for an exam, pop by with her favorite tea or coffee and let her know that you know she's going to kill it tomorrow. If one of her friends gets in an accident, stop by and pay your respects (the friend will definitely let your ex know you stopped by). If your ex mentions she wanted to see a movie, buy her two tickets for her and her friend to see, and don't butt in. Your time will come soon.

Back to my original point, something happened in the past two days that shocked me and left me feeling confused and going back to square one of No Contact and coping with the breakup. She texted me yesterday to ask how I was doing. As I was preoccupied by focusing on my happiness and playing pool with a friend, I was ignoring my phone. An hour of playing pool goes by, and I turn to see her standing near where we used to hang out. I continue to play pool and talk to the friend I'm playing with, and I make some comments about movies I haven't seen, and I try to look confident despite what I'm feeling inside. I then pluck up the courage to actually talk to her. She says that she came by to say hello as it had been a while, and I point out that it had literally been only a weekend and a day (from Thursday, so it had literally been 4-5 days since we'd seen one another or talked.)I told her that I didn't expect to see her, and then broke it to her that I think we need more space from each other. She said that she didn't know that that was how I felt because she hadn't heard from me, but I told her that because she asked for a breakup, I was giving her what she asked for by not trying to text or call her about it, especially because the breakup was what she wanted. I told her that part of me focusing on me was me realizing that this was going to hurt me and realizing that I do not need to be engaging in something that will cause me pain. She again said "Okay, I understand if that is what you want." I told her that it isn't what I want, but what we both need, especially since she asked for the breakup. After, she made a comment about me being with this friend of mine that seemed a little like jealousy, which caused me to snap and say something that wasn't true about how I had brushed this friend off for a while because of her discomfort towards him (which was only partly true.) Anyway, I saw her today in a commons area as she sat in my direct line of vision and kept looking over at me. I went over to apologize and establish that I still wanted distance, but.. The notion that she was sitting in what seemed a deliberate spot to see me made me feel quite uncomfortable and a little scared. When I went up to her, she looked as if she had cried recently. She looked very unhappy. However, I know to be strong and not get lured back into this just because she is showing me that SHE is miserable. If insecurity will cause someone to breakup with someone, it will also cause someone to rethink getting back together and honestly push them further away, right? If she is trying to get me to move on from her, unfortunately she's taking a route that will make it easy for me to do so. It is clear to me from her actions that she is very unsure of what she wants. One minute, she says that she wants a breakup and space, but it seems as though she has done a 180 now that I have asked to go through with more time and space and told her that I need it as well. It's as if she wants me in her life, but is confused as to how and is now showing a disrespect of my wants in favor of her own, which is in turn confusing, hurting, and scaring me. After such a relatively good relationship, this period of direct After Relationship is starting to feel very scary and worrisome and almost toxic.


You'll have to let him realize the mistake on his own before he willingly decides to come back. Not every situation can be controlled when it comes to a relationship because it requires effort from both parties. If the relationship you had with him was a meaningful one, despite the downward cycle it has taken the past few months, he should begin to realize who he values more after some time apart from you.
When you get a taste of something great, you will always want another taste. Men want what they can’t have. If you give him all he wants right away instead of making him fight for you, he will know he has it made on easy street. Where is the fun in getting something without a fight? Be a little bit flirtatious but don’t give him everything. For example, definitely don’t give him a kiss on the first date. Make him earn each bit of affection he gets from you. Men like to earn things and your affections shouldn’t be any different. He’ll appreciate you more if you make it a little challenging for him to be in your good graces.
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Understanding that you do not need a man in order to be the best version of yourself is crucial. Loving yourself and doing exactly what makes you happy is key, which means that you need to know how to be happy alone. When you have this type of mentality, you will be able to spot red flags instantly and become more admirable. If a man wants to be with you, he will make it known throughout the relationship. He will make it known in healthy ways of properly courting you. He’s not going to send you the late night 11 pm or 1 am text for you to come over and “watch a movie.”

Hi, we work at same place and she sit just front of me so we see each other 100 times a day. Not able to apply no contact rule properly. Two months in no contact but not working as both are at same place. But whenever I text her in urgent no reply from her. In a month we will not be together, so should I wait to be apart when she will feel it or everything in her seems dead for me. I can’t take her rigid nature of not texting back or receive emergency call. What she want. I am not well and can’t focus on my personal life and career which is not good for me.
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