Hello. I was with my ex boyfriend for only 4 months. Everything was amazing in the beginning. He has two kids. One is 8 the other 11. He is legally separated from his wife for 3 years and they hardly communicate unless it’s about the children. They also haven’t lived together in 3 years. They live in separate states two hours away. He met me and fell in love fast. So did I. He was saying he wanted a family with me and it was very soon but I felt deeply for him too. I ended up moving in with him after I found out I was pregnant. His ex found out and was holding the kids over his head because she isn’t over him still. They apparently had a terrible 13 years of marriage. From what his family had told me. She made him feel guilty about having a kid with someone else and keeps telling him he will give up on them. She manipulates. So anyway, after living together for a few weeks we got into a fight over the ex and I had moved out into my own place. We ended up getting back together after a while and my insecurities got the best of me and it ruined us. I was asking a lot of questions on how he feels about me. And if he’s over his ex. He says he is over both of us now. But I recently found out he spent the weekend with her and the kids but everyone is telling me he did it because it’s far and he wanted to stay with his kids. He denies he was there I guess to save the argument. He was always a good guy to me. We tried a good 2 times after that slowly. Just to see where it would go but I started in with the questions again. And I also got angry a few times and told him to sign over rights to me so I can raise the baby without him which I was wrong. I apologized. He forgave me. I love him but I’m just hormonal and scared I already damaged so much that I ruined it anyway. We were together 9 days ago physically. And yesterday we went to a doctors visit for the baby together but he said he doesn’t want to be with me because my insecurities and questions about feelings. He doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. I don’t know my best bet. I want a family. He does too. Before the whole thing with his ex we were amazing. So we once had a good thing. He also says we’ve only known each other 5 months and doesn’t know if it’s worth it all.
My partner and I have been together a little over two years but recently broke up (he broke up with me) and I want to follow all these rules, as I believe I am strong enough to do it and I absolutely want him back however we do currently live together and study at the same school. I’m living in a new town and don’t have any family or friends here so providing space is hard. What do I do???
This doesn’t mean doing exactly what she says or not putting your own point of view across, but hearing where she is coming from and responding in a way that she feels acknowledged and respected. And this must be reciprocated of course. This is the best place for solutions and compromises to be reached instead of built up tension and potential arguments.
What if she is back in this “i dont want a relationship right now” ideal again, due to my familiar outburst that brought her back to where I was before. I assume I should work on rebuilding attraction? And only texting her little by little and not all the time like we already were? Make her miss me some more? How exactly should I approach after reaching out again after a week or two?
I’m definitely NOT saying you should have been looking to have a kid with her recently – not at all. I’m just saying that the relationship should have been very gradually progressing into more and more serious territory. Women need to notice this kind of progress because it shows them that eventually the relationship could lead to them delivering what nature intended – kids.
I asked my friends if these "How to win your ex-girlfriend back" videos are true and do us guys have a chance of doing so. My girlfriend of 5 months broke up with me a week ago. We texted back and forward and she said she felt like we aren't right for each other. We came back from a trip from Arizona and she said while we were visiting her sister my behavior opened up her eyes and she saw me differently. She said she felt like I was isolating myself from her sister and her sister's husband, which I wasn't. She felt like I didn't want to be there. I DID want to be there with her. Of course I did. I didn't know what set that off. I felt the cold shoulder she was giving me half way through the trip and my mood change so I began to felt moody as well and that made things worst, but of course I didn't ignore her sister and her sister's husband. I was trying to focus more on what is setting her mood differently. We came back from the trip and she texted me when she got home that she needed time to think and through text she told me she was upset with me during the trip. She said she need space and didn't want to text me, so I skipped a full day of text and the day after she texted me to end things. I emailed her and texted that I love her very much and I believe we as a couple we go through bumps the first few months and if we love each other we can make it work. Correct small things early to get through bigger things in the future. She said she made up her mind and she isn't going to change it. She said she love me still but we're not meant to be. I know this is long but wanted to get all the details out. Does it look good and do I have a chance still? I want to have hope and faith that we will get back after I give her more time. She said time won't make a difference. Was she saying that because it was in the moment or does she really need more time to re think things? I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND I JUST CAN'T LET IT GO.
“Men are so used to being pursued when they’re trying to gain perspective that he’s going to be shocked you’re giving him the space he wants. He’ll realize that you’re different from most other women he’s dated, in a good way” – Good doesn’t begin to cover it. I would be ecstatic and incredulous that my partner is actually willing to let me do what I need to do to be myself, with no ulterior motive.
Hi Alexandra, This is exactly what happens to me. A lot. Do everything by the book and it does not produce results. Generally you suddenly see these guys with some bland Miss Piggy woman a month or so later. From what I have understood so far, these men think they are not good enough for you. Unfortunately, I never found any way of solving this. Once they believe this, you cannot change it. Only he can. Just find a guy who thinks he IS worthy of you. Very hard to find. Classy agency is your best bet.
It’s always nice to know when the man you’re in love with misses you whenever you’re not together. And so you try to do a few things here and there to make sure that he really feels your absence whenever you’re not spending time with one another. You’re trying all the tricks of the trade; but you still don’t get the sense that he misses you when you’re not around. What else is there to do? You thought that absence would make his heat grow fonder, but you’re not doing it right somehow. You’re not getting the effect that you want and it’s really confusing you.
Marriage is a tricky one. After years of being together it can seem monotonous and boring. People settle into a routine and then start to resent eachother after a while. A marriage takes work, from both parties. The trouble is trying to get that other person to want to want to work at it. No mean feat. If you are a woman it is all about understanding the male mind and why they do not want to open up and talk. You have to use the male lingo to get any headway here.
Me and my ex, We've broken up for about a month now and yes, i have been acting crazy and doing all the things i wasn't suppose to be doing. We dated for 7 months and it's the longest relationship we've both been in. I didn't treat him the best-emotionally and we have broken up so many times but gotten back together but this time he said we aren't getting back together and nothing can change it. Our relationship is sorta like Romeo and Juliet. His parents don't like me and my parents don't like him. I really want him back for good this time but after reading all the things to do i realized that I've been doing it wrong that's why he's not sad and he's moved on to another girl. (a girl i was always jealous of and didn't like, he knew this) i realized that it's because i haven't given him a break up yet. I've told him i loved him, I've begged him to come back. i haven't let him feel the break up yet. But even so, i feel like nothing is going to get him back to me. I'm going to try the no contact rule but the thing is i need to see him at work. What should i do?
A week ago my boyfriend of 7 years told me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. That he still cared and loved me but that he wasn’t happy and the spark was gone. He was my whole world, this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. The problem is that we have to still share an apartment together for another month until I can get my own. I have been trying to stay busy and thinking positive thoughts. But it’s hard when you still have to see him.
Hi, me and my wife have split up after 15 years of marriage and she told me she does not love me anymore. I had an affair 5 years ago and she forgave me. About 2 years ago she asked me to go to relate but I said no as I thought we was ok. Then another year passed and we seemed ok. Then in dec 17 she told me she did not feel we were close any more and said im not her best friend anymore. After that struggled to deal with it and went into lock down mode. 8 months on she walked out saying she had been trying get it back with me but then she said she had been trying to get out for a while as she felt it had all gone. We have two children. And including all our dating time it’s been 21 years together. She said she loves more like a friend but is not in love with me. For 6 weeks before we broke up I pulled out all the stops she was still having sex with me but when she walked out she told me it was just something you do as a married couple which hurt me again. She has told me we are never getting back together as the love has gone and she wants her independence which is really what it’s all about. I was her first live. I have begged and promised to change which I have but it’s making no impact. She says it’s too late now and has been quite brutal with me in the things she has said. Advice?
Use social media to highlight the fun you’re having independently. Start to post pictures and status updates about how much fun you’re having doing things on your own. This works very well when trying to get an ex to miss you. Show how much you’re enjoying life on your own, and your guy will be begging to hang out with you because he misses you so much.
It’s confusing and it hurts. I heard what she said but it doesn’t feel like it’s really over. I’m doing my best not to read too much into it but I know I want her back and the only thing I can hope for is the chance to right my wrongs. Maybe there’s a chance, maybe there’s not. I’m not good at reading these things. But I think back to when me and my ex broke up and if I would’ve just left her alone, we would’ve gotten back together. I guess that’s the move with this girl. Give her the time and space she needs. I love her. She needs to be free and if she comes back, then it wasn’t meant to be. If not, so be it. Major L but what can I do?
#7 Withdraw if they seem too hesitant. Not much will make a guy commit faster than the fear of losing you if they don’t. However, you can’t give them an ultimatum. Just simply stop talking as much if he starts showing you he’s not ready to commit. This might scare him into realizing how much you really mean to him. [Read: 15 ways to get a man to chase you and fall hard]
Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!
Great article but didn’t work for me. I read an ebook and finally understood what I’ve been missing all this time. It’s all about triggering biological instincts men have that we women don’t understand because we are just so different. I realized that is why I lost him in the first place! Luckily, there are simple phrases you can use to trigger those instincts, get him back, and keep him hooked forever. Not only got my man back but he treats me like a princess! No more bs. He absolutely adores me and it’s damn effortless on my part. Every time he starts slacking in the relationship, I start talking this way and it stops instantly. Good luck ladies! You deserve a man who will do anything for you :)
Reason #1. You are surprised, angry, sad, hurt and feeling rejected. These symptoms are classical grief symptoms. If your boyfriend had died, it would be impossible to get him back, and it would not be his fault that you are grieving. But now that he is out there alive and well, it is his fault. It is a decision he has made. He made it for a good reason. Your relationship was not working. Why would you want your relationship back if it wasn't working? Why would you want an ex back who doesn't want you? Treat it like a case of grief that you need to get over rather than trying to get back together with your ex.
Have you ever found yourself dating a guy who seems perfect in the beginning, only to find out later that he was a bad choice? Are you having a difficult time finding love? The possibilities are you are taking the wrong steps and are in need of relationship advice for women. You might want to have a romantic relationship with the most perfect person. It is never too late to change the romance stars and bring back love and happiness into your life.
Peter did a lot of studying of couple skills on his own via books and a website. At the same time, he had a therapist for guidance when he felt stuck and to help him with insights and deeper subconscious change. Finding a therapy professional to help you through this kind of crisis can be helpful, provided it is a therapist who helps you to see and rectify your relationship mistakes.
Make sure you give the one you are with the proper time, attention, and affection. Don’t make her question why you aren’t texting back as quickly as you used to or why every date night has turned into “Netflix and Chill”. Don’t be lazy and don’t take her love for granted. If you stop making the effort, she will be tempted to leave your dumb @$$ when she finds someone who will.
Because he was feeling so much better about himself with his new problem-solving and listening habits, Peter was able to talk with his wife in the playful and engaging mode that had attracted her when they had first met. Paulette was delightfully surprised. She appreciated his clarity about the mistaken roads he had taken. She liked his vision of the new Peter. She especially like the many ways that already he was acting in the new ways. She felt for the first time in years that Peter was actually seeing and listening to her instead of locked in a narcissistic bubble.
You need to get him intrigued, which will keep him wanting for more. You need to wait for him to text you back. When you ask him out, do not always say yes. You should sometimes reply saying that you have other plans and shift the date to some other day. This will make him feel that your time is valuable and that he needs to go out of his way to meet you in the middle.
Relationship quizzes for women shows that guys can easily recognize women who are stress-free. It is evolution that has trained a man to recognize happy women subconsciously. They also have this innate feeling that a stress-free woman is appealing and sexually attractive. Thus, the merrier you are, the better is the chances of you finding out the perfect partner for yourself.
Breakups hurt like crazy. And your mind is just clouded with the grief. It seems that your thoughts are just controlled by your emotions. So if you miss your ex, you might think that they were the perfect person for you. But in reality, it might not be so. In fact, I can almost guarantee that it wasn’t so. Your ex, just like every other person on earth had flaws. And your relationship, even though it might be hard to believe right now, was not great. How can I tell? Well, if it was great, you wouldn’t have broken up.
None of this is to excuse men pulling away, and this covers only some men. But it does explain why many, many men feel more comfortable with their “hanging buddies” — who are in all the same predicaments they are — more than they feel comfortable with they women in their lives. I think many men both desire and feel profoundly uncomfortable with women, and terrified of being judged. Because they’ve already judged themselves.
Instead of trying to fix it and reel him back, forgive yourself for being needy, acknowledge that it’s OK and everything will be fine, and give him some space to come to you. Don’t inundate him with texts or snap chats or G-chats or anything. Just let it be and give him the space to find his way back to you. And in that time, enjoy your life and find ways to be happy. Do not spend this time obsessing over him and wondering if you ruined this relationship forever. Be confident in yourself and try to internalize the fact that you deserve an amazing relationship and with the right person it will happen freely and won’t need to be forced.
Hi Heather, I see how common is for men to pull away, even if BEFORE going out for getting to know each other a little better, to basically see if we are/not a good match, as in my OWN CASE (read above). If I allowed Adam’s videos to sink in a bit, my own opinion would be that WE GIVE TO MUCH FUSS about these guys! Seriously! At least in my case, I introduced myself,, I teased him a bit and initiate a flirtatious funny SHORT conversation to give him the hint that I am INTERESTED (after I had seen him working for my attention for about 2 months) that he seemed to enjoy it very much and he already pulls away? I respect his own space as of right now, but he doesn’t get anything more from me but respecting his space, UNTIL MORE /IF ANYTHING happens! Going to another date this weekend, actually! while he has his own space, you gotta keep on circulating for your own sake and you would not have wasted your time whatever the outcome turns out to be! Am I right Adam or am I loving myself a little bit too much? :))
I would suggest that you try to stay focused and pick yourself up from this first. She may have the 'pick of the litter', but keep in mind that she did love you through the period you were together and probably still does have certain feelings for you. However, because she is in the new relationship with the other guy which is 'novel', she definitely has taken a stronger interest there at this point because its still a new thing. Work on improving yourself now because if ever there comes a point where you and her cross paths, you would want to be in the position to make a strong impression and to test her true feelings with the other boyfriend she's now with.
My partner and I have been together for 8 years and engaged for 9 months. We are both in our early 30's. For the month of April we have been arguing frequently, mainly because I wanted to finally move in together since we have been together for such a long time... everytime I would find an apt that was suitable for us, he would come up with an excuse. After a few weeks of searching, I finally found an apt that met all of his standards. On the following days, I took the opportunity to let him know how I was feeling due to the fact that we have been arguing about the moving in situation, and I was feeling some type of way, including feeling somewhat neglected etc. That same particular night, we got into another argument, this time was because he didn't want to stay over the night. I was so upset because I just expressed to him how I felt and i truly thought he understood my view. The very next day he came over my house to let me know that he needs space away from me to figure things out and to see whether we should stay together or not and says he no longer wants to move in with me. For the 1st 2 weeks I did the whole pleading and begging, then I stopped. It's been a month since we haven't seen each other;however, he still texts me and occasionally calls.. he still says that he loves me and that he misses me. Idk how to interpret his behavior.
“I was absolutely crushed when my boyfriend broke up with me seemingly out of the blue. Beyond devastated. I read so many articles on how to get your ex back but they all seemed so stupid. Then I found you guys. I read what you wrote about the no contact rule, and also questions to ask before getting back together with an ex and my mind was blown. I followed your advice to a T and when I was feeling really strong, I contacted him. We ended up meeting for a drink and he said I seemed different, more relaxed and comfortable with myself. We didn’t dive right back in, it was a slow process but it felt so different the second time. I didn’t feel so needy and terrified of losing him and everything just felt different. Anyway, we’ve been going strong for two years now and are looking for a place to move into together and I owe it all to you!”
This article was exactly what I needed to read. It was straight to the point but very in depth with how simple it is to keep your man into you. Right now I could use the help with my current relationship. Eric Charles, if there was any way to get your insight on my current situation I would greatly appreciate that. Thank you for the great insight above.
First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.
Everything went well…we were soo deep in conversations…but the only thing we did was we dint confide each other that we were in love with each other….i was too afraid to….and he loves texting me often…and he says im damn cute in my photos…pulls my leg often…and we chat day and night…he says im his bestiee…all of a sudden he started replying me in one word texts like ohhh’s and hmm’s which drove me mad….i dunno wat conclusion to make…may be he has found me boring and too available….i love him soo much and it really hurts if he doesn’t chat with me as before….i went offline for a month…and going offline will make him miss me??? Will that make him crave for my presence!! Pls…help me somebody..im dying everyday
Perhaps it would be good for you to also do the same, and show him that you're doing just as well. If he's lost the spark with you over the course of the relationship and you want him back, you're going to have to find a way to re-create that spark again (physical attraction, emotional attraction, etc) and your best chance would be when you meet him again to pick your stuff up.
First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”
This is great advice! However, I may be a little too late in receiving it. I like this guy and we had an amazing connection for a couple months. As soon as I decided he was someone I wanted to be with, we started doing everything together and I began outwardly letting him know I care. Now he seems barely interested at all. Is there recovery from this or is it time to just move on? Thank you
One of the best ways to make a guy miss you is to have fun without him. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but your guy wants to be the only thing that makes you happy. If you’re having fun without him (a girls’ night out, some really cool skydiving lessons, etc.), then he’s going to want to be part of the fun. Men like to be the ones to make you smile, and if you’re smiling without him he’ll notice and he’ll pay more attention.
Hi! My boyfriend of just under 1 year broke up with me a few days ago. We were the perfect couple, incredibly similar and always had an amazing time together. However there was one issue that popped up time and time again. He wanted to go out clubbing with his friends, but never wanted me to go with him. I felt incredibly neglected and became insecure because I felt like he didn't want to be around me. This would in turn bring about arguments. We broke up in a friendly way, he told me that this decision was breaking his heart but that he didn't see anything changing because the issue kept coming up. He told me I am the best girlfriend he's ever had, and would definitely miss me, but that his decision was made because due to the fighting, he believed he had lost his feelings for me. Further, he believed our similarity was a bad thing, even though we never had any issues or arguments about anything we ever agreed on. Since we broke up we have been in no contact, apart from the day after we broke up where I phoned him crying and sent him a couple of texts trying to convince him that he'd made a mistake. He is incredibly stubborn and I have this feeling that even if he realised he made a mistake, his stubbornness would stop him from reaching out to me. I want him back, and have realised how my insecurities pushed him away. I'm in the process of following all your steps so that I have the best chance of getting him back, because other than this one issue, we are perfect together. My question now, is after so much reflecting I've realised how I contributed to the break up and learnt how I can fix this if we tried again. So I was considering an "elephant in the room" text to let him know how much I've realised and learnt, but I'm worried about appearing desperate which is not my aim. Should I send him a text outlining what I've discovered, but end it in a way where it shows I'm not expecting a response or a second chance? or should I continue my no contact period?
So I (F -30yrs) and my bf(27.5yrs) have been dating for 13 months. Unfortunately he brought up to break up recently:” I’m not moving in. I’m not looking for long term.” The thing happened back to September we basically had fights every week although we also celebrated our 1yr anniversary, my bday, and his family being in town all sort of fun stuff in the past one month. I brought up the topic of moving in together two weeks ago since I’m preparing to help my parents with their mortgage. And my bf is studying for an exam and his exam date falls on 10/27. We don’t have a lot of time to hang out that’s why I asked to move in to improve our relationship. Unfortunately all these things add up and stress him out: stupid fights, moving in, exam, etc. he came over to my apt and we talked through to just have it as a break. He replied:” make more friends during this break. Don’t text me at all. I will give you some feedbacks in between but I can’t guarantee we will get back together. I don’t care if you are seeing anyone else. Study is my top priority and I would see someone else if I have time.”
Since you've already started to push her away with your actions after the breakup, the best thing you can do right now is to give her some space and try to figure out on your own what caused her to end the relationship. If it was a negative aspect of you that made her lose feelings or give up on the relationship, use this time to work on yourself so that you'll be able to reach out as an improved person down the road to see if things can be rebuilt from there.
Women are more concerned with keeping a sense of freedom then settling down, and they are not being honest when it comes time to reveal their true intentions. You thought men had the player game down? Well, there are some pretty slick women out there who will have a guy go broke before she tells him she is looking for no more than maintenance sex while she plays the field.
After a healthy and happy relationship for 10 months, he told me his ex wife wants to get back with him. I asked where does this leave me within this equation, he wouldn’t respond, So I asked him does he love me, he said no he does not love me and had never made empty promises nor used the word love! I broke it off and now it’s been 7 weeks without contact! I was hoping he would realise my absence and hold onto the good memories we had together. Will he contact me as I am following the no contact rule as you advise