Just a heads up as this is an extremely important section. Remember when we talked abut how you are going to implement the no contact rule for about a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!
Once you’ve sent your insecurities packing, you’ll see that manipulation and passive-aggressive behaviour is so much harder than simply being the fabulous woman you are. You’re the girlfriend who supports her man, is fun to be with and always great in bed. Most importantly, you have your own life which you prioritise, giving him healthy space to appreciate just how high value you are.
My girlfriend of almost 2 years just broke up with me. We were best friends and did everything together. I was emotionally supportive at most times and that was one of her biggest complaints. When she broke up with me she said it was because she was emotionally detached from me and that ive been un-supportive for too long. I went through the phase the first few days of panicking with nonstop calls and texts (then i found this). It has been really hard not to talk to her because we hung out every single day and talked non stop. There were definitely fights where we both got angry and said harsh things but we always sat down and resolved them. She told me she has no interest in talking to me. I would take her back in a heart beat though. She still has pictures of us on her social media and hasnt blocked me. She also said she still cares about me as a person but doesnt love me and wants me to not talk to her so we can both "move on and process the breakup". Shes also spent the last few days getting wasted with her friends. What do you think about my situation?

Romance isn’t just about a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. A satisfying relationship can also make people feel happy and healthy. But keep in mind that successful relationships aren't just about rainbows and butterflies—a healthy partnership requires communication, respect, and plenty of good habits from both people. So when dating that special someone, avoid stalking their ex on Facebook, keeping feelings bottled up, and splitting the double cheeseburger every night. These (and five other) bad habits could make a great relationship take a turn for the worse.
I’m definitely NOT saying you should have been looking to have a kid with her recently – not at all. I’m just saying that the relationship should have been very gradually progressing into more and more serious territory. Women need to notice this kind of progress because it shows them that eventually the relationship could lead to them delivering what nature intended – kids.
You didn't take control of the pace of the relationship. You didn't let him miss you. You gave all of yourself to him right from the start and there was nothing to miss. A lot of women assume that just because a guy really wants to keep seeing them, they should do this. However, my advice is to put the brakes on. Let him have space. Let him yearn for you a little bit, because that space is going to allow you to get to know each other, instead of just giving in and seeing each other every single night. You guys are still strangers and then suddenly the entire relationship just burns up into flames. He realizes, maybe it's moving a little bit fast and he wants to slow things down, and then you get mad and the whole thing ends. We don't want that to happen. So, again, move slower than he wants.
I met my BF six months ago. I thought things were going great. If he needs me to do things for him I do if I can. Usually because of our work schedules we only see each other on the weekends so I am not crowding him. We have never had a bad argument although he has made me mad before I get over things quickly. Then out of the blue he stopped calling and returning my calls. Was he hurt or dead? I drove to his house and knocked. No answer although his truck was there. I left a note but haven’t heard back. It’s been two weeks. I’m very hurt and confused. I feel like I could be okay with giving him space if he had said he needed space. At least then I wouldn’t have to speculate. I had told him I loved him and maybe he freaked out. But I believe if you feel it. Should say it because tomorrow is not promised and I don’t want to regret not saying it. FYI my BF is twice divorced. Maybe that’s why he’s freaked.

To illustrate this, researchers asked sleep deprived students to remember a list of words. They were getting a high score on all the negative words (81%) but when it came to the positive ones or neutral ones, they were only getting about 31% of these right. Dr.Robert Stickgold has conducted similar experiments on sleep and memory.[5] Now you know why people are always in a bad mood when they do not get enough sleep.
Making your man commit can take time and effort. You want to send him signals that you are ready to take the relationship further but at the same time don’t want to overdo it so it becomes an obsession or pressurizing. Don’t let the relationship become boring, keep an element on fun and excitement in it by doing something new together, going on nights out or trying something new in the bedroom.
The energy you put into the relationship is the only thing that matters. Putting in energy doesn’t come from a self-absorbed place, it isn’t attached to feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, anger, rage, resentment. You are outside of yourself and putting energy into giving him that “extra something” that makes you valuable, rare, and inspirational to the guy.
Peter realized that now, as an adult, he had more options than he had had as a child for finding solutions to his life challenges. Therein lay the hope for change, pointing the way toward healing. He could safely ask his therapist for attention.  His wife also did not intent to put him in a demeaning or emasculating position.  She just wanted change.
Do something nice for her without expecting her to pay you back. If she's studying late for an exam, pop by with her favorite tea or coffee and let her know that you know she's going to kill it tomorrow. If one of her friends gets in an accident, stop by and pay your respects (the friend will definitely let your ex know you stopped by). If your ex mentions she wanted to see a movie, buy her two tickets for her and her friend to see, and don't butt in. Your time will come soon.
Im dating a man who is being very consistent with his communication and we see each other every weekend. He is always making plans with me and he reaches out to me all the time. The only issue is that I’m having a hard time feeling like he desires me the way a man should desire a woman. We hang out, we talk, we have so much fun together, we have sex but it feels more like a friend I’m having sex with than a romantic partner. Im physically and romantically attracted to him but I can’t help but wonder if there is a physical attraction issue on his part. He doesn’t seem “into” me like I’m used to. I’m a pretty woman but I know I don’t have those super pretty girl looks so I don’t know. Nonetheless, he isn’t pulling away per se, he just isn’t romantically present. I don’t hear anything sweet or flirty or sexy from him. When I do it to him, he just says thank you and tells me how much he enjoys hearing me say stuff like that. We have a lot in common and we have a great intellectual connection. He’s told his mom, dad and friends about me. But I’m worried because I feel like he doesn’t feel strongly about me in romantic way, even though he spends time with me, talks to me all the time, and admits that he has the most fun with me. It makes me sad because we both talk about how we are happy to have met someone like each other but I can’t help but wonder if having all these things in common and both of us being capable of loving each other the way we always wished someone would is somehow STILL not enough. It makes me very sad.
It seems that relationships become completely different things over time. An initial relationship has completely different values from a 'vintage' relationship. Furthermore a relationship has different values depending on your age. When relationships being, both partners have a distorted impression of each other. They are high on emotion and are in the attraction stage thus those annoying little ticks that drive you insane are unnoticeable under all of the excitement. The middle stage is withdrawal. The chemicals start to ebb after about 2 years and this is where the rationalization arguments begin. Where you argue because you are irritated and project your withdrawal on to your partner because they are no longer on the pedestal that you yourself put them. Now this where most people say good bye, or sometimes through some sense of duty and loyalty they never resolve the problems they just endure them and the unhappy relationship continues. Some others they reach another plane of a relationship. Where that person becomes a part of you. You have gone through the withdrawal and now you are life partners you are one body. In this throw away world, not enough people have enough humility or self awareness to reach this level. They are too busy trying to find their next fix after during the withdrawal phase. Sad...

He’s giving me good feedback but its delayed. So I sent out my initial first text, and he responded well….. The next day. So to prevent looking desperate I waited a full day to respond. My second rapport building text he kinda ignored. So I gave it three days and tried again. I got good feedback but he ended the conversation. So I waited four more days and tried another rapport text in which I wished to redeem myself. To which I got no response. I haven’t texted him again but like. I don’t know what to do.
Have your non-negotiables and boundaries, but dating with a strict itemized wish list—he must make this much, be this tall, drive this car, be this funny—will only hold you back from men who could be great for you in real life and limit you to men who only look good on paper, says Goldstein. “If you need a wish list it should be small and include feeling words instead of car makes and job titles,” she adds.
on Tuesday after work he like came up to me and was like “i’m gonna start writing down my feelings, that’s what you're doing right?” and so i was like “yeah it’s this book” cuz i had the book with me. then he was like oh lemme read it so i was like okay pick a page so he did and then he read that page but then he ended up reading more. after i took the book off him he tried to take it back off me and while he did that he cut me by accident and my finger started bleeding. then he holds my finger and say “i'm sorry i feel really bad” and i say oh its fine dw about it. THEN he kisses my finger. then after a while he was sitting there lookin all sad and so i was like what’s wrong? and he was like can i talk to you outside and so i was like okay. then we go outside and he was like “I didn’t even realize this but i still love you so so much” and he was like almost crying so i was like aww come give me a hug so he hugged me and it was like really tight hug like it was different. but then he’s like but i dont wanna give you false hope.so i was like yeah okay i know. then Thursday he tells the girl he's "moved on" to that he likes her and that’s okay whatever it’s his choice but then on friday he tells my friend on snap chat that he still has romantic feelings for me.
Long story short, this article helped put things in perspective again. I’m going to try my Damndest to give him space when he seems to pull away, play the cool understanding girl a little while longer, & endure. I do love him with every ounce of my heart & soul. I have always been a very confident person & have NEVER let anyone “treat me” this way. But, I’ve also never loved someone so deeply nor with this personality type before.
HI Sara…sorry for your pain. You will benefit by picking up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. (go to website Menu/products link). It is very comprehensive and can cover so much more helpful information that I can here in this forum. At a minimum, I think you both needs some space and time away from each other to work on things and let the emotions subside. The key is your own self recovery and you will learn more about that and why its so important. So go take a look at some of the resources here on my site!
Work to move past your approach anxiety as early in your life as possible. Fortunately, this is a skill that can be easily learned and a good coach will work with you in public to tackle this challenge and build your confidence.  You may wish to challenge yourself to start talking to 2 new people per day and increase your goal by at least 20% each week. Soon you will naturally be engaging with others and see new dating and relationship opportunities landing in your lap.  I would also practice what to say to a woman who is being rude.  Stay classy and be articulate when confronting her behavior.
All anyone really wants is to feel OK, and most of us don’t. When a woman worries and needs constant reassurance, it comes from feeling from “I am not OK” and the feeling beneath that is fear. What makes it so destructive is that it’s not an overwhelming, gripping fear; it’s a vague feeling of unease. It’s so quiet and subtle you may not even realize it’s there. You know how sometimes you’ll go to take a sip of water and you literally can’t stop chugging? You didn’t even realize you were thirsty, it’s only when you begin to quench the silent thirst that you realize how potent it was. That’s kind of what’s at play here.
I wish i was strong enough to follow these steps. I feel so lost. My fiance cheated & got her pregnant, right after i miscarried. I didnt even know i was pregnant & when it happened I had just found out about her & she was 4months along. He says he loves me & was stupid & ruined everything & i deserve better,but he has no choice but to stay with her to raise the baby even if he doesnt want to. He says its life & he has to deal with his mistakes. I can never be with him but we have known each other for over 20 yrs & i miss my friend, he wont talk to me & the last time we did he looked at the ground the whole time, just saying hes a pc of crap & he ruined our life & our family. I know hes unhappy, i can feel it in my soul & im sure everyone thonks im nuts, but i honestly believe hes hating his life. I love him so much & i can never be with him again after such betrayal but will he ever forgive himsrlf & come back, i miss my friend so much & it hurts me to know hes unhappy & its very painful he wont talk to me.
If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over here. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.

James program centers around what he refers to as the "Hero Principal".  He has truly figured out the signals and phrases a man "needs" to hear and feel to trigger his commitment phase. JB put together a presentation video that discusses many of the challenges you're going through right now and things you can do, starting immediately, to dramatically improve the way you understand men and the pathway to commitment.
You shouldn't put yourself into that situation and let yourself be talked into thinking that it was entirely your fault. Ultimately he was the one who cheated, and you had every right to walk away from that. If he thinks you should be fighting for him at this point, he definitely has not seen any of his issues yet, nor does he seem emotionally mature enough to handle you coming back into his life. However, if you want to give this another try (and make it work this time), you're going to have learn to be firm and respect yourself and the boundaries you are willing to accept, before you reach out to him. If not, there's a good chance where he steps on you again or does something to hurt you unknowingly.
My situation is a little different than most, we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s currently in the military now, he just ended things, with multiple reasoning but the last one was him saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend nor did he want one. It’s been a week since we broke up and also a week of NC, I haven’t reached out, but is this going to work, is he really going to miss me even with us being so far away and his schedule being so hectic?? Please someone give me some advice…
Hello, I have a question that has been of concern to me. So I'm almost to the end of no contact, and I would like to send a short letter to wipe the slate clean... however, she has moved and I dont know the address. I made a mistake during the breakup involving social media and she blocked me on facebook... but is still open to texting. She and I work in the same city, maybe 5 minutes apart or less... so I thought maybe I could leave the letter on her car one night after i get off(but I am really worried that it'll come off as creepy stalker), I dont think she'd even read an email, and we were together 9 months so I dont think texting would be my best option. Ideas?

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I really love your blogs, they make a lot of sense, and I need your help with something. I’m 39 years old and I’m engaged to a woman I adore. Here’s my problem, she nags me all the time. I want to be there for her but it feels like she’s always demanding so much time and energy. I know you’re supposed to “compromise” in a relationship but it seems like I’m making all the sacrifices and I’m starting to feel like this relations...
i have been dating this guy for almost six months now, we have not started having sex, because i told him i am not ready we have talked about it and he agreed. But of late i feel he is pulling away, sometimes he will not call or text me unless if i call him or text him first, he is always postponing our dates and its like he does not want to see me, when i ask him he says he is just busy with work or he could not call me because he had no credit in his phone, i don’t really know what to do? should i just leave him alone or i continue calling or texting him first all the time…, does it mean he has lost interest in me? please help ,
Men do enjoy being in relationships (when it’s with the right woman, that is), but at the same time, most men have a huge fear of losing their freedom and getting trapped in a situation with a woman who sucks them dry and leaves them feeling drained and uninspired. A man will feel “free” in a relationship when he’s with a woman who is whole and fulfilled in her life and doesn’t rely on the relationship to meet her every need.
It's like with dogs or children — you stick to your guns and you politely, patiently repeat the boundaries until they respect them. He gets it or he gets lost. Period. If you truly start to follow this theory, he'll feel how serious you are about being respected, and if he's at all serious about you, he'll get aboard the good boy train very fast. He'll know that if he doesn't, he'll be left at the station!
Go easy with the communication. When you start to really like someone, all logic goes out of the window. Instead of casually checking in with him once every couple of days, it can be hard to resist texting him on the hour every hour, even if he’s not your boyfriend yet! My suggestion is to refrain from messaging him unless he messages you. And, when he does message you, give it at least a few hours before you respond. During this time period, I guarantee he’ll be wondering where you are, what you’re doing and missing you.
“I realize that it’s early in the relationship to bring this up, but I want commitment. If you can’t commit to me in full, then understand that I will continue to date other women while seeing you,” he says. “I want a wife, and I’m not going to stop dating until there’s a girl wearing my ring. If you can’t handle this, I’m sorry, but we will cut our date short now. I don’t want to waste your time.”
5. No contact shows that you’re a good listener. You can demonstrate to your ex that you possess the qualities they are looking for in a partner in that you are a good listener. Instead of acting selfishly by awkwardly hanging around being annoying and badgering your ex to take you back, you listened to what they had to say and responded by giving them what they said they wanted.
@Will-thanks for the kind words. I’m sorry to hear that you, too, have been through the wringer with something similiar. You’re right, there should *not* be any level of behavior that we’re uncomfortable with…not only that but behavior that is seriously disturbing & broken, not even remotely within the bounds of normality-that we should allow or give the ‘excusable ‘ pass to, because of whatever. Unfortunately, the heart wants what it wants & will twist things around in order to make behavior ‘acceptable’ enough to continue dealing with. In my case, even making him the sad, ‘victim’ of life’s lots, that I should nurse along until I ‘healed him’ (hahahaha). He still choses to ignore me rather than allowing me a say or rather, *the* say that I need in order to close this never-ending story out. That infuriates me. But, c’est la vie, and I have no choice, after being thrown abruptly into the freezing cold, deep end of the pool, but to swim out. That, I’m doing. If I know him…he’ll be back, all sweet words & hearts. This disgusts me to admit-but, I don’t know that I won’t accept him with open arms when he does, as sick as that is and *I KNOW* it is! Urrrgh!!! Why is it, that, there are those few ppl you’d follow straight to Hell just to get a 5 second fix of the ‘high’ they give you, rather than leave them be, and continue living in (relatively) Heavenly states?
These would be those instant deal breakers of yours—he’s a smoker, a non-monogamist, a cat-lover, etc.—that instantly tell you to move on so you’re not wasting your time. “What are those three things that are not negotiable when you’re looking for a relationship?” asked relationship expert Dr. Melanie Mills. “Try not to include physical or financial attributes. Focus on character traits, personality type, and value systems.”
So now that we know what the reasons might be, it's easier to understand how to react or, more importantly, how not to react. After careful observation of love and dating, this is what I know to be true: Convincing a man to love you will never work. Trying to persuade him to see how great you are together is pointless. Sharing your feelings with the hopes he will realize how much he means to you will also get you nowhere.

On Monday, I brought up the other girls name and it ended up in a big argument. I have major trust issues now after what has happened but he doesn't understand! The same girl is working with him AGAIN. He has since called it off with me and has started messaging her again. He says I have pushed him too far this time and I am stressing him out with mentioning things that have happened. That I ruin everything and there is no going back.
That needs to change. We need to get you behaving and coming across in a more attractive manner, when you meet up with her in person. This takes practice so it is something you should get started with right away as soon as you begin the No Contact Period. That way, when you go to meet with her after no contact, she’s gonna ‘just feel’ that you have a sexier presence. That’s how it works, women can’t explain this stuff, they ‘just feel it’.
Once you’ve sent your insecurities packing, you’ll see that manipulation and passive-aggressive behaviour is so much harder than simply being the fabulous woman you are. You’re the girlfriend who supports her man, is fun to be with and always great in bed. Most importantly, you have your own life which you prioritise, giving him healthy space to appreciate just how high value you are.
Even though this one may be hard to swallow because we value ourselves so highly as women and no one likes a blow to the ego or rejection, it’s important to talk about. Often times a man will show you signals of commitment but not want to commit to getting to know you. There are two principal reasons for this. Either they just don’t have interest in you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, or you fell in love too easily and they lost interest in the chase of getting their “prize”. I will go deeper into the meaning of the chase and the “prize” as we move along this article.
We spent that summer together inseperable after that. At the end of the summer he told me he loves me. In that moment I truly forgave him and saw that he had made the mistake out of fear, and open wounds from his last (and only) real relationship… I realized the poor guy had never even experienced true partnership and love… I was excited to show him how a real partnership can be, and how lovable he is.

i know this sounds ridiculous but i met this guy on a facebook game, he asked for my number but i refused to because well why would you want give out your number to a stranger he could be a scam. okay so he gave his instagram id and downloaded kik just to text me. we clicked right away. we spent days and days talking, flirting and joking and i sacrificed my time just to text him because of timezone. one night, he confessed that he had feelings for me that he never felt this great in a long time so i told him i feel the same way (tbh i’ve never fell in love this hard before) and we dated. i won’t deny that i love taking to him and i never believed in ldr before he came. we had few arguments tho, but it wasn’t serious. After days passed by, he went disappeared which i think he deleted his kik. We were good at that moment but idk what’s going on so a week later i went to his instagram to find him, just to you know clear this mess up and start over again and be friends, it doesnt matter if he changed his mind or met a new girl near him.. i just wanted to have a connection with him. The next day, i found out that he blocked me. That was a dick move but what’s worse is that i am still madly in love and maybe will die with the curiosity.
These would be those instant deal breakers of yours—he’s a smoker, a non-monogamist, a cat-lover, etc.—that instantly tell you to move on so you’re not wasting your time. “What are those three things that are not negotiable when you’re looking for a relationship?” asked relationship expert Dr. Melanie Mills. “Try not to include physical or financial attributes. Focus on character traits, personality type, and value systems.”
We went back to our place and he told me he wanted to break up with me for sure. I tried to reason with him again, to give me more time But he was sure, he had felt bad about changing his mind before apparently; after a couple hours of heated conversation, of me trying to convince him, he even told me he didn’t love me anymore ( which I’m not sure about, was he saying that so that i let go?). I gave in and we took my flight ticket back home. We spent the day after together, it was awesome and incredibly sad. I didn’t want to believe I was letting go of a life I wanted so much. He was so sad too, it felt like he was hurting a lot too.
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