I don’t know if someone could give me an advice, or maybe i’ll be criticized but i need to tell someone my storry. It’s a bit large so i apologize but it’s because of how complicated things are. Three years ago i started working as a girl of “company” ( i don’t really like the other words that describe this job). On my sixth month i met Him. At first he was just one of my best clients. But we got to talk a lot and start knowing each other, so we fell in love. He says he fell in… Read more »
A goddess "lives confidence." She may not feel authentically confident but she is smart enough to witness her emotions as they are pop up, recognizing when her insecurities are causing her to take a man's behavior personally. She knows when to feel whatever painful stuff comes up inside her and then does exactly what a confident woman would do — not let his behavior define her self-worth!
Perhaps it would be good for you to also do the same, and show him that you're doing just as well. If he's lost the spark with you over the course of the relationship and you want him back, you're going to have to find a way to re-create that spark again (physical attraction, emotional attraction, etc) and your best chance would be when you meet him again to pick your stuff up.
The biggest problem most women face is that for a very specific reason the man they want no longer feels the desire to chase her anymore. He withdraws from the relationship, goes cold or becomes distant which is a death spiral where he keeps pulling away more and more and she keeps desperately trying to get his attention and interest back while he’s pulling away. The next step is very simple read this article: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
As with all other events that may have a past involvement regarding the two of you (Valentines, birthdays, New Year's), contacting her soon after starting NC would probably come across as desperate and an attempt to try winning her back in her eyes because she currently has her guard up against you. At this point, only you would think it's rude not to wish her on her birthday and she wouldn't expect you to. You could read this article for more input regarding this matter.
After our breakup she insisted that we stay friends. I agreed. I tried my best to be normal/casual/happy but every night after talking for 2-3 hours on call, i used to start asking her to try again to which she said no because she is very happy now and feels lighter. 2 weeks in and it had become too difficult for me to accept that she sees me as just a friend. I met up with her and told her that i have to walk away(total NC). We both cried and she told me she loves me and hopes “that we can be there for each other again when this is not between us”(I’m assuming she meant as friends).
For the past five months I have been rebuilding attraction. Very successfully, I might add. It’s been taking longer than expected, but the results have been good. We are at the point, or we WERE at the point (more on that in a bit) where we would be free for each other at any given time. We were texting and talking on the phone every single day, and seeing each other at least once a week. I had finally broken past the barrier where I can be as affectionate as I like, including little random pecks on the lips, and cuddling on the couch making out here and there during movies. We had sex for the first time again. It was great, and she responded well.
I am 26 years old. My situation is a little different. My "ex" and I were not officially dating- a label was never placed. However, we were seeing each other quite regularly and acted as if we were together for almost 2 months or so. Too sum everything up, her and I met through a mutual friend that matched us up. We knew nothing about each other but hit it off ever since the first date. We continued to talk, and gradually become very comfortable with each other. We began to see each other 2, sometimes 3 times per week. In the early going, we made it clear that we were going to take things slow and make sure that we don't rush into anything serious. But truthfully, we admitted to each other that we were caught off guard at how well we got along and really enjoyed each others presence. Things began to ramp up- sex, sleeping at each others places, letting our guards down and showing true feelings. She eventually wanted to make it clear that we were both exclusive to one another and not seeing anyone else, yet never did we place a label on anything as we wanted to keep the pace at where we had it. She would tell me that she's never felt so happy with someone before. Hearing things like that made me quite vulnerable. Well... at the snap of a finger, she began to distance herself via text. Then in our last date, things felt strange and a wall seemed to be up again, When we got back to her place, she sat on the other couch, keeping her distance. So I proceeded to ask where her head was at, and what she was feeling. She explained that she has started to feel nervous and scared of losing her freedom and the thought of commitment... I understand we weren't officially dating, but this girl opened up my eyes to the idea of a real relationship and I want nothing more than to continue what we had going on. If I apply your process, do you think it could work in my situation to get her back in my life?
It depends on what your goal is - whether to win her back or move on. If it's to win her back you have to ask yourself, by pointing out her faults or ignoring her, would it help with the situation and bring you closer to winning her back? As much as she may have hurt you previously, if you want to get back together with her, you're going to have to first let go of the negative thoughts and avoid harping on them.
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