I lost the love of my life over something stupid that I did. Long story short, I lied about my age. Although she didn’t care about my real age, it was the lie I carried on for a year that was part of the reason we broke up. She came from an emotionally abusive marriage and had baggage from that. And two kids who I came to love dearly – and who got along very well with mine. I know that she had issues stemming from childhood, specifically trust. But she’s an awesome girl – the love of my life, my parallel. But I messed up – I lied. Honestly, the lie started because I was afraid that she would be turned off when we first met (she’s 28 and I’m 48)…so I told her I was 44. Every time she brought up age stuff, I steered the conversation away. I wanted to tell her so many times but I knew that if I did that would end things. So I let it go and my heart is breaking because of it. It was her abusive ex-husband who cued her in and she defended me to him until I admitted it. Now, she won’t have anything to do with me. The breakup ended VERY BADLY. Probably the worst I’ve ever experience. Yelling/screaming/crying/etc. She said she can’t believe a word I said and felt like I used her for sex. She said that if I ever contacted her again that I’d be sorry. So I haven’t. At first after the breakup I did what everyone does – texted/called/emailed. I didn’t know of these steps. At any rate, she won’t talk and the last time we did I was met with extreme hostility. I know this one is done. Had I followed this advice there might have been a chance. But I doubt even that. Lessons learned the hardest of all ways. I wanted to marry her. It would have been my second and her third. I love her with all my heart and soul – she his my parallel. The yin to my yang.
None of the articles – or the report about when men pull away – seem to address a man pulling away/refusing to talk or see you after an argument or altercation of some kind. Last week after sex which was really great, he wanted to stop for some reason I’m not sure of, and I got teary and upset. (Looked it up since and it was probably post-coital dysphoria) I was upset and confused and kept asking why he had wanted to stop and said I felt rejected… anyway after about half an hour of me spiralling, confused, he said,… Read more »
Continuing contact with her right now may only hurt you further, especially when she’s at the stage of being unsure and you’re still hurting. Beginning no contact right now seems like a good idea as you’ve mentioned and as to whether you should wait, that’s a decision you have to make. I think you’ll be able to get a clearer idea of what path to take once you’re more emotionally stable again and hurting less.
Ok so I met this guy on tinder (yeah I know) so anyways we talk for like a week and a half we meet we both become infatuated, he pops the I love you (first) and I go along with it even though I feel it’s early. So we were “talking” for a month became fb official and a month after that I met his parents briefly, everything is hot for about a month then it slowly starts to die off. Ok well during this whole time of talking and being bf gf we only talked on the phone say 4 maybe 5 times (not including if we had plans and called each other for quick info or what not) all of our conversations were through snapchat and text…. So slowly the text and snapchat is dying off and I’m like and he not making plans as much and he’s flaking out on me… So I told him I felt him pulling away and he sends me very short replies to my messages and now he won’t talk to me at all. I’m thinking now that I’ve typed this all out. Leaving him alone would be my best bet… Huh?
So my girlfriend dumped me 4 days ago. She said that she has been unhappy for awhile and that I cant fix it. I know she loves me and I cherish her more than life. But she keeps saying she doesnt know what she wants and that she needs time away to find happiness. I was upset so I did message her quite a bit and sent her flowers. After reading this I have stopped talking to her to give her time. I will do anything it takes to win her back. We were together 2 and a half years. Do I still have a chance and if so what should I do and when will will it be okay to message her to begin talking again?
Think about the last argument that you had with your partner and use it to look for hidden messages in all that both you and your partner were trying to communicate. You should attempt to tune in your tone and try to tune in all that you wanted to convey. This will make you see the needs that you have in your relationship. Like in an argument, “You forgot to pick up milk when I reminded you several times,” really implies, “I miss you and want you to spend more time with me.”
I called after a week of no contact & we pretty much were on the verge of breaking up but he confined it. It’s that he owed me money so I left a message and plus he told an ex I was doing drugs and doingbsexual acts for them. So I was pist off after she sent the message about what he told her. So now what do i do i know i should habe never contacted him but I was angry
i know this sounds ridiculous but i met this guy on a facebook game, he asked for my number but i refused to because well why would you want give out your number to a stranger he could be a scam. okay so he gave his instagram id and downloaded kik just to text me. we clicked right away. we spent days and days talking, flirting and joking and i sacrificed my time just to text him because of timezone. one night, he confessed that he had feelings for me that he never felt this great in a long time so i told him i feel the same way (tbh i’ve never fell in love this hard before) and we dated. i won’t deny that i love taking to him and i never believed in ldr before he came. we had few arguments tho, but it wasn’t serious. After days passed by, he went disappeared which i think he deleted his kik. We were good at that moment but idk what’s going on so a week later i went to his instagram to find him, just to you know clear this mess up and start over again and be friends, it doesnt matter if he changed his mind or met a new girl near him.. i just wanted to have a connection with him. The next day, i found out that he blocked me. That was a dick move but what’s worse is that i am still madly in love and maybe will die with the curiosity.
If a guy agrees to accompany you to a friend’s wedding, he is showing another ‘first’. Watching your friend taking her wedding vows brings you closer as a couple as it sets the man thinking. Shah says, “Attending social functions together signifies making a relationship public. It also builds dreams of staying together and how you want to go about it. Attending any serious function together means the relationship is actually moving from being carefree to committed.”
Me and my ex bf broke up due to age issue. He was not aware that I am elder than him. The very day he came to know he broke up with me.He used to love me a lot and we decided to marry also.After break up we were very much in touch with each other. I pleaded him, begged him for 6 months but it was of no use. Finally I have decided to go for NO contact rule. I feel he is involved with some other girl now. I still love him and want to get him back in my life.
Schedule a girls night out with your friends. Leave your man home by himself. Give him a hug and kiss, and then say “see you later.” Make him miss you — and show him that you’re not in a codependent relationship with him — that you have a social life, too. If he wants space, then give him space, while have a fun time with your friends outside of your relationship. When a man pulls away after being in a LTR for a while, sometimes it means he feels trapped or suffocated or obligated to you, or that he’s losing his freedom or sense of self because you’re now “all coupling all the time.” Immersing himself in work is a way for him to pull away from this codependence and gain a sense of self and independence. If you’re really worried, do an evaluation of your relationship — are you getting too clingy, needy, or do you want to do things with him 24/7 … are you having a codependent relationship? Is that the reason why your guy is pulling away? Sometimes, the issue may not just be his, but also yours.
i have been dating this guy for almost six months now, we have not started having sex, because i told him i am not ready we have talked about it and he agreed. But of late i feel he is pulling away, sometimes he will not call or text me unless if i call him or text him first, he is always postponing our dates and its like he does not want to see me, when i ask him he says he is just busy with work or he could not call me because he had no credit in his phone, i don’t really know what to do? should i just leave him alone or i continue calling or texting him first all the time…, does it mean he has lost interest in me? please help ,
Ok firstly all the hormone talk is true and your man goes through a 30 day cycle just like our 28 day cycle but opposite hormones. If your man is constantly pulling away not answering messages etc he is not finding himself he is rude, inconsiderate and needs to get his act together cause these ones head for divorce number 4 before the end of their lives. A man wanting time to himself is fine, go to the man cave but you have responsibilities here at home, don’t forget those or you’re in the doghouse. You pull away expect your woman to pull away right back, were not your Mummas be a man, a man never makes his woman Chase him. A man loves the Chase. Raise your son’s to have respect for women. Because going into their mancaves for days or weeks says these things: 1. You’re a control freak narcissist, 2. You have no love or respect or hmbleness in your heart, 3. Your woman is now available! ye! That’s right ladies say bye! You deserve better. Good luck.
This may be the best advice. Be happy. Don’t put on a façade. Be happy because you deserve happiness. Have you always wanted to travel to Paris? Book that flight! Have you desired a new career? Go back to school. Want to learn a new talent? Sign up for that painting class. Whatever it is that will make you a happier, healthier you, do it! If your ex sees you living out your dreams, he may miss you and come back. If he doesn’t, one day you will realize you don’t care. Guys really do like happy girls the most because they want to feel good when they're around you. If you're constantly full of drama when he’s around he’s going to start associating feeling bad with being around you and this is going to end things rather quickly. When you’re happy around him he’ll also be more inclined to reach out to you the next time he’s having a bad day.
Let him make the plans. If he wants you, he’s going to have to come and get you, damn it! Don’t put yourself on a plate for him—make him work hard for it before you agree to meet up or speak to him. In the past, I’ve said that I’m busy even though I’m not just to get a reaction that’s usually on the lines of, “Oh no, that’s a shame! I really wanted to see you! How about tomorrow or the day after?” If you turn him down regularly, he’ll fight even harder for you. True story.
A common complaint I hear from women is how their man minimizes their feelings or concerns. Telling her, “It’s not a big deal,” “Just get over it” or “It’ll be ok” can invalidate her experiences. Just because you don’t think it’s a big deal doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. Understand your woman’s feelings by asking open-ended questions. You don’t have to agree with her, but understanding her perspective will deepen your connection, and increase trust and safety.
As with all other events that may have a past involvement regarding the two of you (Valentines, birthdays, New Year's), contacting her soon after starting NC would probably come across as desperate and an attempt to try winning her back in her eyes because she currently has her guard up against you. At this point, only you would think it's rude not to wish her on her birthday and she wouldn't expect you to. You could read this article for more input regarding this matter.
Hi, my on and off boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. I'm a single mom. He was always there for my kid since she was born.but I cheated on him with the kids father. I made a stupid mistake he lost trust and broke up with me over suspecting I had cheated again I haven't. Idk what to do. I know he has another girl he's talking to. And his mom says he comes home late like 3am. I love him. We were talking marriage or moving in together before he dumped me.
No where in this article is there mention about being blocked! How am I to contact my ex girlfriend after 30 day no contact if she blocked me from Facebook, instagram, phone calls, and text messages? I had to make a fake Facebook to find out that she is in a possible rebound relationship! I recently, a day before starting no contact sent her two positive emails not even mentioning us getting back and she responded to both emails : Leave me the fuck alone!!! Leave me the fuck alone!!!! I know exactly why she broke it off and I do have all of the reasons as to why if back with her it will work for the both of us. My way of thinking has changed drastically. We haven't been together since August 21st and on her birthday which was the 10th of September I delivered 29 roses and 29 balloons with a card and a three page letter and it still wasn't enough. She can be very stubborn and it's a good chance that someone close to her is filling her head up by instructing her to move on and block the thought of me! So I have no choice but to do the 30 day no contact rule. However, if I'm blocked from reaching out to her in every way possible, the only option would be to pop up at her job or home which to me would be very stalkish!
Hi, me and my wife have split up after 15 years of marriage and she told me she does not love me anymore. I had an affair 5 years ago and she forgave me. About 2 years ago she asked me to go to relate but I said no as I thought we was ok. Then another year passed and we seemed ok. Then in dec 17 she told me she did not feel we were close any more and said im not her best friend anymore. After that struggled to deal with it and went into lock down mode. 8 months on she walked out saying she had been trying get it back with me but then she said she had been trying to get out for a while as she felt it had all gone. We have two children. And including all our dating time it’s been 21 years together. She said she loves more like a friend but is not in love with me. For 6 weeks before we broke up I pulled out all the stops she was still having sex with me but when she walked out she told me it was just something you do as a married couple which hurt me again. She has told me we are never getting back together as the love has gone and she wants her independence which is really what it’s all about. I was her first live. I have begged and promised to change which I have but it’s making no impact. She says it’s too late now and has been quite brutal with me in the things she has said. Advice?
Me and my 2 years girlfriend broke up in August because she felt that I don’t need her. I basically do all the don’ts that were outlined. I was angry back then because she didn’t say the reason she wants to brake up. I did most of the deadly miskates you mentioned above i.e texting, begging, show affection, name calling. What can I do to win her back after what I did?
Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. It's not unheard of for a couple to get back together after they've taken time away from each other, so don't give up hope. Just be sure to put plenty of thought into the reasons you broke up before attempting to get back together, as this can help you make the relationship work the second time around.
Men who pull away are often in situations in which they are playing the field and playing games with women’s emotions. This leads to instability right off the bat. This is where I like to take a moment to tell my coachees that even though they may be single and dating, not every man that they meet is going to have the same intentions. That’s why it’s important for you to love yourself fully, make sure you’re aligned with your goals and stay committed to your values.
It is easy to let go off certain aspects of yourself when you meet someone whom you consider to be the man of your dreams, but you shouldn’t. If you are trying to be someone you are not, you tend to become transparent to your partner. If you prefer reading a book at home instead of going to the football match, then you should not pretend to love Germany just because your guy is a football fan.
Hi, I need some major help. I am 46 and found the woman of my dreams. Our relationship was great, but all of the sudden out of the blue she said that "she loves me, but is not in love with me". I knew this was not the case by her actions, she was very loving, intimate, and by how she looked at me. that was on a Tuesday. I kept in contact with her for a couple days and found out that she was not in the same place I was in the relationship. She said that she felt nervous and rushed into the relationship and was not ready to take it to the next step. On Thursday, she broke it off with me and said she needed time to to think. Well, I was stupid and kept sending her messages and trying to talk to her because it was just such a shock to me, I was having a very hard time understanding. On Saturday, she blocked all my accounts and said she would contact me "If and when she was ready". I have NO CLUE what to do now. Obviously there will not be any other contact unless she initiates it. I know I have to do the no contact now, but is it too late? Is there anything I can do to fix this? She gave me a whole 48 hours after the breakup to calm down and understand and give her the space she needs. PLEASE HELP!!
Hi Sierra…I’m confused. So, he wanted to leave after sex, yet you suggest your problem is that he left after an argument? I don’t see any details about the argument itself? When did the argument happen, if there was one at all? Also you mentioned “Afternoon came and he texted saying he was now spending the evening with his kids and he’d speak to me in the evening. After each of these I said I was sad but I understood and I was sorry he felt that way.” – what did you mean you were sorry he felt that way?… Read more »
Thank you Lauren. It's been 3 weeks now and I am pretty okay. Two questions though: 1. I wonder how did the story of the lady who wrote this apology letter, go? Did they get back together, or do you know about anybody else who have used this with success? 2. Do you cover somewhere if it's a good idea to stay friends with your ex? Thanks in advance.
Exactly Why Guys Start Acting Distant All Of A Sudden (And What To Do About It) Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing: Infographic The Real Reasons Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love How To Tell If He’s Testing You By Pulling Away From You Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages: How To Get Your New Guy Back The Real Reasons Why Men Pull Away After Getting Close
If something is wrong, the other person probably can’t read your mind. When a problem comes up, speak up at the right time. One study suggests young couples are less stressed when they talk out their issues than when they keep their feelings bottled up. And don’t forget to say, “I love you.” Expressing emotions—positive and negative—can benefit that bond.
Remember that whatever you're going through now to pick yourself up, if you try winning her back as well, you're going to end up subconsciously dumping your emotional needs and baggage on her which would probably cause her stress and unhappiness. If you want ot win her back, you should do so when you're at good place emotionally and mentally. It doesn't matter if she moves on right now, because if you have genuinely worked on yourself and improved aspects of your life, you'd still stand a chance to win her over down the road.
Even if you want to win her back, you're going to have to accept and process the breakup either way because it's unlikely that you'll win her back simply by being the same person as you were. The panicking and desperate behaviors also would have made her feel more strongly about the breakup, and you're going to need to give both parties space right now. Go into no contact and process your emotions, follow the guidelines in our articles, before reaching out to her again.
We met in fb he lived in different country we met in my country when he came to meet his family thats our first meeting and he said nothing to me and being physicall after that he loves me like he not used to we were so happy together after that he went back to his country and his behaviour become wrost day by day he started ignored me he didnt talk with me from many days no night or morning massages as he used to did we have been togather for 4 years but he changed we did breakup but i did again pachup and bear all his attitudes i love him so much what can i do i cant live with out him
He broke up with me a week ago over the phone. We were together for 7 months and had a deep connection. I have not contacted him since. Yesterday I received a text from him explaining why he did it and apology. Pretty much he is not over his divorce, has health issues, dealing with work problems, trying to work on a relationship with his kids and now is not a good time and not fair to me to continue the relationship. Should I respond or keep no contact for 30 days? Or should I acknowledge the text and respond?
I get that regardless of the genre, we all go through difficult times and some of of Us need some time alone or space to clear our minds and regroup. However, i find really diaconsidered and selfish to vanish with no explanation. If you really care about the other person, you value their presence and the energy they put into you. Many paople take other for granted ans think they deserve understanding for this erratic behavior. I can assure you that a real grown up man or woman will take the time and effort to let you at least know that they are going through challenging times and they need to take some time off the normal rhythm of the relationship so you dont go through unnecessary pain and anxiety. Yes! Life is too short to waste it near unkind selfish people. There is no need for drama, that is why there will never be ok with people who dissapear and expect you to act real cool at anytime they want to come back! And yes! I can wait for someone who takes the time to tell me with honesty what is going !!!! The rest is total BS
Most of us know that men are visual: you are wired that way. My best relationship advice for you is not to be so distracted by looks that you ignore the “character” of your partner (or potential partner.) By character I mean whether the person is kind, considerate, compassionate and loving – and not just when he or she wants something! Is their communication gentle or harsh? How do they ask for what they want? Is it a request or is it a demand?
This article is completely speaking to my current situation. It definitely seems like my guy is pulling away a little bit, still answering texts and things but very barely, not making plans to see me this weekend, etc., but all of the signs up until this point were that he was very into me. I tried reaching out to him a little more than I usually have been in response, but I’m going to pull back a little bit and give him the space he needs and let him come to me as this article says.
I believe a week or maximum of two weeks in the first 6 months or so of getting to know each other is okay – for him to retreat into his man cave. If he’s going for longer than that after the first 6 months of the relationship or continuing to pull away altogether, you’re wasting your time on him. He’s not ready to settle down or simply just not into you, period. Walk away, girlfriend.
I was in a fwb relationship with a man that I’m compatible with. But his ex wife and ex gf of 14 years both cheated on him. He never wants to date or have a relationship again. He says he’s un loveable too. It breaks my heart because I’m very much in love with him. He brok up with me 2 years ago because he knew I was in love with him without saying. We hadn’t talked again til last week. We had wonderful exciting sex. He said he hadn’t been with anyone in a long time.
So, when we just recently broke up, we talked about a lot. He was bawling his eyes out the entire time. I could clearly see how much this was tearing him up. He’s explaining to me all these reasons that just don’t add up with how the actual relationship was. We were happy. We were best friends. we were so in love. We talked about out future together, moving out, getting married, careers. I have a connection with him who I don’t have with anyone else and its impossible for me to see me having that with anyone else. I could go on and on and on.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. We have been through so much in the time we’ve been together and I can honestly say that I am in love with him. He started to drift away and I kept pushing. Today I asked him did he need a break and he told me he think he did. I immediately felt heartbroken and didn’t know what to do so I panicked. I started to tell him how I didn’t want a break and that I wanted to fix it. I asked him what changed and he told me everything. I then begged him to just try. I realized that I’m forcing the relationship witch will only have a heavier hurt in the end . There’s so much more behind this but here’s the basis. I told him I loved him then I asked him could we please keep trying. He replied I love you too and said okay. Shortly after I regrettably started to nag him to talk to me. He then began to ignore me. I realized that I’m making him feel trapped in this relationship and that’s the last thing I want to do. So I sent him this a couple of hours ago : I realized that I haven’t been being myself at all and I’m sorry for that. I’m forcing you and I don’t want to do that to you. I realized that you were pulling away and I kept trying to push you back in. I’ve always told you that I love you and even if we are not together I want you to be happy. I’ve been thinking about this all night and the dream I had really opened my eyes.i Really do love you and as much as this hurts i never wanted you to feel like you are trapped in a relationship. If you really need a break and need time I’m willing to give you that. I just wish it didn’t have to result to a break because only god knows how much I’ll miss you ♀️ but if it’s what you really want than I understand. I am patiently waiting on a response. I honestly just want to know, if I really give him the time will he come back or have I completely blew it already ?
After no contact, my ex and I have spoken here and there for a couple weeks (mostly initiated by me) and we finally hung out for the first time the other day when I texted him asking to. He seemed nervous at first but we had a good time and he was reminiscing on our past times a lot, also heavily flirting. I was only a little flirty and didn’t bring up the relationship. He also suggested future times we should hang out several times, and we were having fun. After I left he texted me thanking me for hanging out with him, saying how sexy and awesome I am. He stopped responding but we exchanged a few snaps. The next day I called him intending to ask to get lunch but he didn’t respond and texted me 20 mins later saying he was working. We had a brief conversation that he initiated and I haven’t talked to him since. Am I overthinking or did I totally scare him off by calling the next day? Should I wait for him to contact me?
Hi, so like so many others my boyfriend just broke up with me 3 days ago. My mind is definetly in the overreacting stage. We’d been going out for 8 months and honestly it was fantastic, I’ve never felt like somebody loved me as much as he did. I would wake up to “good morning, just a quick reminder that I love you” texts every now and then, and we never really left the honeymoon phase. So 4 weeks ago I went on holiday and he called me saying he missed me and when I got back he seemed very genuine in the missing me and loving me. Last time I saw him 2 weeks ago everything was as normal, very loving to each other, but just kinda curled up on the couch because I had some period pain. I apologised for not really doing anything with him that day and he said “I just feel weightless holding you and being with you, don’t worry.” The next week he began phasing me out over text (usually we would message everyday) until a week ago he shut me out completely saying he had family and work issues. I finally break his silence and he comes over and breaks up with me. He told me that it had been on his mind constantly for the past 2 weeks and everyone said noticed the anxiety change in him. He said he couldn’t sleep because he didn’t know what to do. When I asked why he said it was just all in his head and he couldn’t get it out. He said that it was him and not me and thanked me for being the best girlfriend he’s ever had... all the time he seemed emotionless and hugged me loosely. I was/am devestated, from my point of view nothing happened or changed and he was extremely out of character. Even his friends and family messaged me after saying how shocked they were and asking how I was. Of course I want him to come back and say it was a mistake but I don’t know if he will. I havnt contacted him since but his best friend wants to meet me for coffee next week... so do I meet her and break the no contact rule? Also is there a point? I don’t want to try for something that clearly won’t happen. I just need some outsider advice :(
if you only tell him you miss him, that will not complicate things at all. in a relationship, you gotta be open and transparent. if you love him, tell him. if you miss him, tell him. don’t wait for him to say it first just because you’re too afraid he won’t say it back. you are telling him because you feel that way and not because you want to feel good about yourself.
The fact that you feel broken and dead inside without him isn’t going to make him say, “Well, in that case, we need to get back together immediately!” There is nothing sexy about that. All you will do is make him feel guilty, or you’ll make him go cold and withdraw from you because men don’t like feeling like the bad guy and he might completely emotionally detach himself from the situation.
Can you become close friends with your ex? My ex broke up with me but we were best friends. He is with someone new but is still contacting me. I don’t know if it’s just for friendship or does he miss our relationship? He sends me messages about our serie that we watched together, but the conversation is short and not deep at all. I still love him, and I don’t know what to do?
It motivated me to search for a job even more, to subscribe to a sport to meet new people and make friends, to give him the freedom and the life he was asking for. A few days after, we went to a party and i gave him his space, made friend with other girls, I was doing great but he started talking with his former booty call right in front of me, which of course, made me feel so bad and jealous. So I ignored him the rest of the night. But I apologised the day after and it was ok.