Ladies…all I can say is if you feel insecure about your looks then make yourself more attractive for YOU! Not for a man. There’s nothing that increases a woman’s feelings of insecurity more than doing something to herself FOR a man, or for the purpose of attracting men. It may make you feel confident and powerful in the short term, but that feeling doesn’t last if your focus is on doing it for him. Your purpose should be feeling better about yourself and increasing your own confidence regardless of men. What men seem to forget is that women are not on this earth solely for their pleasure. How you feel about yourself should be totally independent of what men think.
I know right now can be difficult but it’s important you pull back and give him space to see if he will show up for you. Sometimes in relationships, you can be taken for granted and if he is not moving towards you to find comfort when he isn’t making you a priority. I would not reach out to him and keep yourself busy. Do something that makes you happy and do something you have been wanting to do for a while. Watch this video as I believe this will help you as well. All the best and hope this helps! https://youtu.be/IHxpL_E4Ihg
Under the normal circumstances, one month would be the advisable time to wait before contacting your ex again. I would suggest trying for the same period and using this time to focus on loving yourself right now, especially with the pregnancy on its way. However, given the current circumstances and if one month is too long, at least wait 2-3 weeks to see if he comes around eventually.
Finding an incredible guy and sticking around with him is wished by every woman. And her wish seems to get fulfilled once she starts imagining of marrying her dream guy. But that’s not how things go afterwards. The guy simply gets horrified due to his fear of commitment phobia. So, read here to find out some top signals which notify your man has got a fear of commitment.
Hello, my boyfriend and I have been dating for the last 3 years. He did break up with me before about 2 years ago bc he wanted to grow and get his life together due to money issues. We are both almost 26 and in real estate. I did no contact for 2 weeks and I texted him and he texted me paragraphs about how much he missed me and long story short we got back together. We lasted a total of 2 more years. About 4 days ago he broke up with me again. He was the one that wanted to see me everyday and he was always taking care of me and I did the same for him. Without even me pushing he wanted to see me about twice a day before and after work and always wanted to spend lots of time with me. Even the same day of the break up he talked about moving out together and he always talked about the future and getting me a ring the last few weeks even months. He flipped on me all of a sudden 4 days ago and told me over text he doesn’t want the relationship bc he has to focus on himself and get a place and get his life together. Shocked I kept asking him questions begging him not to leave but he kept saying he has to do this and it was hurting him too. I went to his sisters wedding a few days ago and met his whole family. They all loved me and his dad told everyone I was his daughter in law and his sister said I was his sister in law. He told me the wedding made him realize how quick everything was moving and he needed to grow himself. How can he flip on me and act cold so suddenly. It broke my heart. Our relationship was very strong and we were always there for each other like a married couple. We even had a trip coming up next month. He just acted so cold so suddenly and didn’t answer my texts after that. I tried to ask him will there be an us again or future together and he just said he didn’t want thi anymore and that he has to focus on himself. I did no contact for 4 days now and it’s tearing me apart. I want to marry this man one day and I miss him so much. We planned our future together :(
Hi, Me and my ex were together for 3 years and we went out drinking and I cheated on my girlfriend while she was in the room, we didn't have sex but we did do other stuff. I regret it massively and was hoping to ask her to marry me sometime this year. Its been over a week and I have done some of the mistakes of texting her and being needy. I received an email off her explaining to me how I hurt her and in a way shes glad it happened so she no longer has to waste time with me. She has told me on a few occasions she never wants to see me again or for me to contact her. I have recently done the NC rule. Does it look like this is a lost cause or will the NC rule work? How long should my NC rule be bearing in mind she told me she wants no contact from me. I am willing to wait as long as it takes to get her back.
I wish i was strong enough to follow these steps. I feel so lost. My fiance cheated & got her pregnant, right after i miscarried. I didnt even know i was pregnant & when it happened I had just found out about her & she was 4months along. He says he loves me & was stupid & ruined everything & i deserve better,but he has no choice but to stay with her to raise the baby even if he doesnt want to. He says its life & he has to deal with his mistakes. I can never be with him but we have known each other for over 20 yrs & i miss my friend, he wont talk to me & the last time we did he looked at the ground the whole time, just saying hes a pc of crap & he ruined our life & our family. I know hes unhappy, i can feel it in my soul & im sure everyone thonks im nuts, but i honestly believe hes hating his life. I love him so much & i can never be with him again after such betrayal but will he ever forgive himsrlf & come back, i miss my friend so much & it hurts me to know hes unhappy & its very painful he wont talk to me.
P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason
Don’t rush things. The beginning stages of dating someone new or being in a fresh relationship are fun and exciting. I can’t for the life of me understand why some gals want to stay over at his house all weekend, meet all of his friends and have a phone conversation with his mom after only three weeks of being together. Ladies, there’s plenty of time for all that! Just enjoy getting to know him and don’t try and hurry things along, otherwise, what will there be to look forward to?
My ex and I broke up a few days ago because he said with him working and not being able to see me as much that he couldn't show me the respect he wanted but he still has stong feelings for me. We agreed to wait about 3-4 weeks to see how his work schedule is going and if it'll be good for us to get back together. But I'm still confused on what to do in that time.
Peter did a lot of studying of couple skills on his own via books and a website.  At the same time, he had a therapist for guidance when he felt stuck and to help him with insights and deeper subconscious change.  Finding a therapy professional to help you through this kind of crisis can be helpful, provided it is a therapist who helps you to see and rectify your relationship mistakes.
It was then that I started NC (I had to tell him what I was going to do because we call and text so often). I'm hoping that this will work because I do want him back, but he seemed very unhappy (and slightly angry) when I told him that his actions are confusing me but he cannot make a decision on which girl to go for. And honestly, I was hoping during this NC, he will learn how to live without me (and vice versa). However, this situation is different as he has another girl to console him. Will this still work out happily for me?
My live in boyfriend of 5 in a half years has pulled away after I became preganant and it was a planned pregnancy. He says he wants space to reflect on our relationship but still wants to work things out and is going to make an appointment with a therapist. Should I give him this space and back off? I find this situation difficult because I feel alone during my pregnancy. He also started seeing someone else just a few days of me moving out. Should I just give up on him? I still love him.

I've finally decided to calm down and stop pushing and go no contact and try to attract him back... but what I don't understand is....if he does come back ... how do people get trust back after something like that? How do people forgive their best friend and greatest supporter for suddenly dumping them and refusing to say why, even when they saw that not being given a reason was killing them? How do I ever feel safe with him again after that? How do I ever get over the really mean things he started saying during our post breakups fights, like that he might never see me again, or that his job and hobbies are more important to him than me? Even if he was just being mean I'll always wonder if he meant it now. How do I ever feel safe with him again when he watched me have a breakdown over our breakup and wasn't there for me and was still mean?
Next, consider the situation in full. You need to look at all of these signs and not just a single one of them. If he’s not paying as much attention to you when you talk and it feels like he’s just not listening … but he’s still initiating just as much and responding to all of your texts, then you need to consider the possibility that he’s distracted for some reason that has nothing to do with you. Maybe he’s not feeling well or maybe he has something on his mind.
Now, I’m bit bummed because I can’t seem to find any advice about the opposite situation: what if the guy is showing you more commitment than you can handle? Not in a creepy first-date-“let’s marry and have babies”, but in a solid 3-months-“I care about you and want to see where this is going, and I’d like to move in together and five it a try”. I want that too, just… not for another year or so (it’s actually a LD relationship, I put the details in a recent forum post called “Anxious about playing house”). Any advice? :)

If she has you blocked, avoid doing anything that gives her further reason to push you away, such as stalking, or pestering her. Unfortunately, in these circumstances, no contact will have to continue until she forgives you or lets some of the negative emotions go and unblocks you. Her reaction also seems clear that she's not ready to face you yet and is still mad at you. Until then, anything else you do will only cause more anger and resentment from her.
Alright, its been already over more than 30 days of no contact rule. None of us talked to each other since we broke up. And we actually saw each other on the street once, and we exchanged a warmth smile. Im still thinking about the excuse of my getting my stuff back from him, to see him. I thought of something like this " Hey, I'm sorry i couldn't contact you earlier about my stuff (because our last convo ended in which he wanted to know which things i needed that he would send them over to mine). Do you think we can meet to get them back? Or if you don't wanna see me, i'll give you my address."
“Hi! I’ve been a fan of your work for over five years now. When I broke up with my ex, I was devastated. Then I read a lot of your stuff about getting your ex back. It changed my thinking and my thinking changed my life. I worked on myself. I started doing makeup, became a makeup artist, launched my makeup line, and have started to get recognition. I feel so good about myself now and I have no regrets. Now my ex wants me back but I realized I don’t want to go back because I’m moving forward. Thanks for everything you’ve shared and written.”
Justin Stenstrom is a nationally acclaimed life coach, author, entrepreneur, and speaker. He is the founder of EliteManMagazine.com, the author of the book Giving Shy Guys Game, and the host of the Elite Man Podcast on iTunes. His mission is to provide men with the best tools to become complete gentleman. Justin is an ordinary guy with an extraordinary hunger for the advancement of today’s gentleman. Once shy, insecure, depressed, and unhappy, Justin’s overcome many of life’s greatest obstacles and loves nothing more than helping other guys do the same! For a complete bio on Justin click here.
My ex cheated on me a few months ago. I stayed with him because I love him. I have all guy friends and a lot have fancied me and make jokes and stuff about it. My ex said he doesn’t like it and me sending them hearts. So I stopped. So clearly jealous but he knows I never liked any of them that way. He moved to Germany and things ended. Blah blah blah a lot happened and I annoyed after the break up. But he told someone that he can’t stand me. When they asked why he said I CHEATED ON HIM WHICH I NEVER DID. Why would he do this????

I broke up with my ex about six months ago after a five month relationship. it was very intense and he was completely in love with me. However i wasn’t ready for such a serious relationship so I broke up with him. i tried to be friends with him but he started acting a little needy so i cut off contact with him. over the past few months i’ve realized that i am ready for a relationship with him because i really did love him and he never did anything to hurt me i just wasn’t ready at the time. I texted him the other day asking to be friends and later that day, my friend told me he was seeing someone. I want to respect the relationship but also want him to know that i am willing to wait for him and in the meantime i’ll do things that make me happy. Is this a good idea? I feel like she is a rebound. he told me i was the love of his life and that he never felt a connection with anyone else like he did with me so i find it hard to believe that he is serious about the girl he started dating shortly after our breakup. Nonetheless if he is i will back off but i also feel like what we had isn’t over yet.

By keeping an air of mystery about you, your man will become obsessed and will want to get to know everything there is to know about you. Let him know how you expect to be treated without giving him a list of rules of course (that could be awkward!). This works both way remember, you want to please him as much as he wants to please you so learn everything there is to know about him.


Hello, I have a question that has been of concern to me. So I'm almost to the end of no contact, and I would like to send a short letter to wipe the slate clean... however, she has moved and I dont know the address. I made a mistake during the breakup involving social media and she blocked me on facebook... but is still open to texting. She and I work in the same city, maybe 5 minutes apart or less... so I thought maybe I could leave the letter on her car one night after i get off(but I am really worried that it'll come off as creepy stalker), I dont think she'd even read an email, and we were together 9 months so I dont think texting would be my best option. Ideas?
Personally, I wouldn’t consider it an emergency if he’s without some of his stuff. However, if for whatever the reason he was so worried something happened to you, at some point he would ACTUALLY start looking for you, whether it’s at work or at home, in which you would find it sweet of course, but at the same time you can tell him you’re fine and just need some space.
When you’re missing a person, it can be easy to fall into a self-deprecating trap of giving in whenever the person you are missing gets in touch. Guys know this. They know that you’re missing them and they know that you’d do anything and everything you could to see them. This makes you an easy target. It makes you the girl they call, when they’ve failed to score elsewhere and you really, really, really, need to stop being that girl.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book from start to finish, as the author gives a refreshing insight into the complex psychological mechanics associated with intimate relationships. By avoiding using a lot of jargon, the author uses simple language to approach his subject, making concepts easy to understand. Highly recommended for anybody who needs to comprehend how men (and women) behave the way they do when in a relationship.
The more your guy says “I love you” then more he will come to terms with it and realize that you are an important person in his life. If at first he refuses to say those 3 words and instead compliments you or says something like “isn’t is obvious” after you have asked whether he loves you, tell him that it would mean more if he said those 3 little words.
Let's start with a simple truth. Men don’t want to feel like they’re being hooked, especially in the beginning of a relationship. This has something to do with our innate desire for freedom and our need to feel like we’re in control. Not to say that we’re not open to the idea of settling down and being satisfied in a monogamous relationship with you, but the second we detect that these are your intentions, we either stop returning your phone calls or start figuring out ways to escape without hurting your feelings. Understanding the basics of how we think in this situation will go a long way toward producing the results that you desire. So don’t judge what follows as being politically incorrect or rude. Be warned that this is not about what’s right or wrong, respectful or disrespectful. This book is about one thing — the raw truth.
I want to point this out because often times when you are in the process and mindset of getting back with an ex, you can tend to forget that it’s also about you being happy rather than simply being in a relationship with the person that you love. It’s OK for you to be unhappy; it’s OK for you to voice your discontent at times and to set certain expectations for your significant other.
Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.  Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.”  This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.)

This cannot be considered acceptable due to one person’s higher testosterone levels. . Even with his extenuating circumstances, this departure went far beyond any excusable or understandable behavior, and it devastated me, causing me to question many things I thought were firm, honest beliefs. Nothing I had done or we had weathered warranted an abrupt-almost deliberately cruel departure. I get what so many people are saying here. We ‘get’ men need more space, but, many learn to use this as license to avoid painful conflicts or act horridly. It’s as much give & take as everything in love & some men take their fill, with no responsibility felt to give the most basic of human actions. Great article. Cut close.
It's always better to be late than never realizing the mistakes made at all. You definitely didn't ruin your chances or made a mistake in texting him about no contact, and as you've said, no contact should ultimately be for your benefit as its meant to pick yourself up from the breakup and become a better version of yourself, which should in turn convince your ex to come back when he sees the changes.

I know this is hard and I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have dated a man that is emotionally unavailable and is following the same pattern that he had in his life. You mentioned his father never married his mother so this is an issue that he has to overcome himself. This is his past playing into his life now. You have to make yourself less available to him and understand that you deserve more than this. I would encourage you to book a session with me or a male coach on my team so we can help you during this time. You can reach out to me on my contact page. If so please state you messaged me on my blog so I can remember. We are here if you need further guidance.
To a degree I understand the the above. I now how I deserve to be treated, I now what my worth is and I’ve told my guy I deserve better if it makes him run for the hill so be it. It’s ok to retreat to man gave but get a little bit of communication in any relationship I called respect. Even if it’s I need time out. I’m sick off of hanging in the side line while he tries to figure wither I mean enough or not. I beleive I myself and respect myself enough to know when enough is enough. Xx
my gf and I have been together for 4 years. we got married in order for me to be able to stay in the UK and it would be easier for me to find a job. I have done MSc and found a great job. then later she told me she isnt ready for commitment and we need to breakup. I panicked and felt insecure and had most of the feelings the article is mentioning not only for the sake of the relationship but also worried about my whole future. Thankfully, I found your article and I started the no contact period last week. She asked about me and I ignored her. I am working on myself now to fix myself and to feel better. I just need some help regarding what to send after the no contact period is over. I would be pleased if you can send me a template. Thank you very much.
Since men are by nature visual creatures who tend to be drawn to a woman based soley on the physical attraction and the chemistry he feels with her, many men tend to make poor, long-term dating choices. This type of attraction is understandable and should not be ignored when choosing a partner, but what most men fail to do is combine these biological feelings with what they require in a relationship to make them truly happy.
My 3.5 year relationship with my girlfriend ended a week ago when she suddenly broke up with me. We are both divorced with kids and live in the same neighborhood. I have accepted much of what she said as my fault and am going to therapy and have joined a gym to get myself in a good place. I was emotionally withdrawn and ‘cold’ without realizing it and want to improve that for future relationships (with her or anyone). The major complication I think is with her 16 ½ year old daughter, who I sense was on the receiving end of when she was upset. I believe now this greatly contributed to the issue and without my being made aware, I didn’t have an opportunity to improve so it continued and the daughter is not seeing me as a positive future presence in their future.
Note also that therapy is virtually always more potent if the couple goes together for some of the sessions. Paulette, after initial reluctance, decided to schedule sessions with Peter's therapist as well.  They sometimes saw the therapist separately, and sometimes together which helped them to recognize and rectify the problematic patterns in their prior interactions.  When both partners participate in a process of growth, the odds zoom up that the outcome will be positive for both of them.  
Now, the following strategies for getting him to bring up the subject all entail risk: Having The Talk, no matter who initiates it, might either scare him off or cause him to give you an answer you don't want to hear ("I don't want a commitment, but I'd love to continue having sex with you. Okay?"). But come on. You don't want to spend the rest of your life pining for some guy who thinks you're great to share a burger and a bed with but little else, right? The risk is generally worth taking.
Hey Adam I slept with a guy too soon and have been sleeping with him I don’t feel like he’s looking for anything serious cause he said he wants to take things slow after it all happened. I know he sees other women he told me he likes me an sees himself with me but not right now because he said he doesn’t think it will take much for us to get in a relationship so he wants to let more time pass he invited me to go on vacation with him I don’t know what any of this means really I tried to have an open talk with him about it by saying it’s okay tell me if you don’t want anything serious we can just end it now cause I don’t want to get hurt but he still claims he wants to be with me just not right away what do you think ? Should I run?
4. We are sad. And yes, men pull away when we are being sad or feeling down for some reason. We are waiting for you to come and ask “what’s wrong” and give us a hug. But if you don’t come we pull away even more. And more. And more until you come or we end up feeling that you don’t care about us. Men love empathic and loving womens. Even when we don’t admit it. Even most strongest alpha male wants to feel loved and cared when he feels weak and if you show us that you care we will love you forever. Seriously this isn’t a lie. Most simplest way to make a man stay true to you or love you is just to make him feel cared. Give him a hug when he needs it, tell him sometimes he still looks handsome and cool even when he’s getting older etc. I know that there is douchebags who will betray you no matter what you do or leave you, but real men want the same thing you do: to have that one loving partner in their life who makes them feel cared and loved every day.

Julia you hit the nail on the head I feel the same way .too many times i have heard its all the woman”s fault let him have his pity party while we set back and feel like crap because they cant handle emotions .well personally i think men should stand up and face things they are no more emotional then we are we need space and time too but do they let us? yes by never coming back because they didnt get the cake and eat it too so they go on to the next and next and the first poor women is left picking up the peaces while him and new women are flying high .i think we need to stop babying them
Unfortunately, the weather was terrible. I was racking my brain as to what to do, with where we were at, we couldn’t just hang in and watch Netflix. We made pancakes for breakfast. Mountain bikes has been a topic of discussion lately so I suggested we go take a look at a local shop. Then we went to say hi to his mom who lives nearby and hung out with her for a little while. The whole time, he just acted distant. We went home and he laid down on the couch and put a blanket over his head while I got started with dinner. After a little while, he said he needed to go for a drive and that he would be back in an hour. I couldn’t believe it. What had I done to make him fall out of love with me this quickly? Then I realized it wasn’t me, it was him.
Eventually, we had a massive fight that lasted hours over the phone and he broke up with me, saying that he was too scared and hurt to keep trying as he felt we would always have the same problems, over and over again. It hurt so bad, and I begged during the entire fight but left him alone immediately after the break-up, saying that I was sorry and that I would miss him and his family. He told me that despite us both loving each other, we couldn't continue and that I would never get another chance.
Hi. I dated this guy last year , but unfortunately it didn’t work out between us cause I was unreachable and shy. We pretty much texted the whole time and met a few times. I fell for him and he said he had feelings for me too . But all of a sudden he wanted to be just friends. We had 5 months long an emotional relationship/friendship and 5 months a non-emotional one. I kinda acted out there. He started giving me less atttetion day after day and we started fighting every now and then and I got super jealous when he talked about this other girl he liked. Eventually he called the friendship off. I asked him to block my number and social accounts so we wouldn’t have contact . It’s been 4 months now and I miss him everyday. I’m madly in love with him . Haven’t heard of him for 4 months and I want him back. I can’t get over him being gone from my life. Please help. What should I do ? Why am I feeling this way.
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