"While there are two sides to every story, there are often a few factors that are highlighted within a breakup," says sexologist Megan Stubbs. "What makes this time different than the time before? And how will you communicate that to your partner in a way that might make them open to a second chance?" Try to be as neutral as possible in your recollections. Seeing your part in a breakup can help you figure out whether it's a good idea to give things a second shot.
Together for a year. Broke up back in January after a bad fight, and a string of tough times due to bad communication. I was sure that it wasn’t meant to be, supported her through the heartbreak, continued daily contact, lunch dates, sex, but no sleepovers. After two months of this she decided she needed to move on. I was bummed but thought I knew what I was doing. She started going on a few dates and instantly linked up with a new guy (hoping a rebound). She even posted videos on Snapchat wearing a turned in claddagh ring after a month (very unlike her). A month after we cut ties, I realized I screwed up. I missed her so much, reflected for two weeks, came to a lot of conclusions about things I wasn’t giving to the relationship, etc. I then Stupidly went into desperation mode. For a week I bombarded her with pleads of my love. What I learned and how it will be different etc. She was not receptive. Said it’s time for me to move on, stop reaching out to her friends for advice, we’re not getting back together she’s happy and in a good place right now. I stupidly have already looked for very needy and realized I should’ve went no contact.

Hello. My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago after cheating on me and immediately started dating someone else. Initially I was needy and crying and sad. However I applied no contact and after about a month, he contacted me and told me he missed me. We are in the same class and see each other everyday. I went back to no contact and he had to cracking the no contact 3 times before we finally sat to have a decent discussion. We had a long talk and he got relieved of his guilt while I got closure for doors he left open etc. I am now at the process of reconnecting with him and it's really confusing. I'm scared and I don't know if I'm on the wrong or right path or on both simultaneously. We talk more now and he's really cool with hanging out with me when there's time. In fact he told me that even his current girlfriend can't stop him from interacting with me. We've had sex about 4 times and I've never acted needy or said nonsense about his new girl... In fact I wished him well with his relationship. However I feel bad because I'm compromising my standards my sleeping with him and I feel like I'm doing a little bit more work than he is for us to reconnect. He said he doesn't love me but willingly cheats on the new girl with me. Also he's very vulnerable and very open and free with me. He said he feels I'm different now and he likes this new me. I'm trying to focus on creating a new deep emotional connection but I'm scared of him feeling I'm readily available and he can always come back whenever he wants. I've not told him I want us to come back together but I've told him that I missed the connection between us and I felt something about us was different. To that, he said we should wait and see what happens in the future. Please where do I stand and what should I do?

“I recently got back in touch with my ex and we’re trying to make it work again. What I felt really helped me through the process was the no contact rule for at least three months and truly working on yourself and learning to find happiness outside of the relationship. I got involved with different hobbies, such as sports/working out to make myself feel good, as well as go back to salsa dancing which was something I love to do.”
If you try to take your ex head on and force them to change their mind you will probably meet a lot of resistance and never quite get to where you want to go. It’s quite simple it is impossible to force someone to love you; but you can make them fall in love with you if you put the right actions in place and if you are a little bit clever in your approach!

But treasuring experiences is not nearly as destructive. They belong to us, they are special and they provide longer lasting happiness. We should always aim to visit a new place or just go trekking. Local authorities should be able to provide the facilities in towns and cities so that people may experience more enjoyable and pleasurable activities, rather than building more shopping malls.
To think you can “make” someone want to be with you is illusory and will only lead to suffering and disappointment. The most important tip here is to be fully in the moment and truly OK with whatever the outcome is.  Let me reiterate that. Being OK no matter the outcome is the single most beneficial advice I can offer. Fixating on your ex, secretly wishing that he comes back to you, or worrying that you won’t be able to win him over will not be beneficial to you in the long run.

"Going away on a trip just the two of you is always the best idea when you feel like your relationship needs a 'spark.' Of course it is easier for the French couples who get easily seven weeks off per year! But jokes aside, nothing is as effective as three days without the children somewhere other than home (Lisbon? Copenhagen? New Orleans?). Suddenly, you might remember why you are together.
Important Note: While I do believe – and have seen proof – that the advice and programs I provide can help you improve your love life , please understand that not everyone will experience the exact same results. To get the best results, you must use the advice I give you. Every person is an individual and every situation is unique so no single piece of advice will work for everyone at every time. But I can tell you that if you read the advice and continually apply it in your life, your chances of success increase dramatically. And I’m here to help you every step of the way. Let’s get started!
To a degree I understand the the above. I now how I deserve to be treated, I now what my worth is and I’ve told my guy I deserve better if it makes him run for the hill so be it. It’s ok to retreat to man gave but get a little bit of communication in any relationship I called respect. Even if it’s I need time out. I’m sick off of hanging in the side line while he tries to figure wither I mean enough or not. I beleive I myself and respect myself enough to know when enough is enough. Xx
If you are calling, emailing, and texting your partner incessantly and also doing all the asking out, then a man will not even have to lift a finger. The best relationship advice for women from men is: You need to keep the communication in balance. This does not mean that you never ever reach out to the man that you are dating but, you should allow him to ask you out at least in the early stages.
Lauren, I believe your advice about giving the ex space is on point and I wish I had given mine a lot of space. I broke up with a man who suddenly dumped me with a phone message when he knew I was not home. Friends of ours told me to give him space, and I did not; big mistake on my part. He is with a woman he and his parents know, she is old enough to be his mother. He sometimes chats when he sees me in the area. I began to feel like I'm sitting on the back burner and decided to just greet him and not chat unless he wants to chat. A good male friend told me to give him six months, it has been three months, so I'll see what develops....
my gf and I have been together for 4 years. we got married in order for me to be able to stay in the UK and it would be easier for me to find a job. I have done MSc and found a great job. then later she told me she isnt ready for commitment and we need to breakup. I panicked and felt insecure and had most of the feelings the article is mentioning not only for the sake of the relationship but also worried about my whole future. Thankfully, I found your article and I started the no contact period last week. She asked about me and I ignored her. I am working on myself now to fix myself and to feel better. I just need some help regarding what to send after the no contact period is over. I would be pleased if you can send me a template. Thank you very much.
Hey Chris! My boyfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me – one week ago, I have followed the no contact rule (surprisingly, I hadn’t read anything on it yet!). He ended the relationship out of the blue, we sometimes fought but it never seemed relationship ending bad (really it was petty things). He said he still loved me, otherwise breaking up wouldn’t hurt so bad. He had come late at night to tell me, we both sobbed, and I asked him to leave. The next day he came to take our cat for a spay, I went with him to drop her off and we went for a walk. I suggested a break instead, because he said he had been feeling a lot of emotions and initially taking all the blame. I expressed my side and apologized for my faults. It ended well and he even agreed to a break starting in may and lasting until June. I offered a mini date night for the day before may just to have a good time and start the break on a happy note. We went to dinner and had a good time, it was a little awkward but we stayed away from talking about the negative aspects of our struggles. I had picked him up so when I dropped him off he said he was sorry but he didn’t want a break, he wanted to breakup. He needed time to heal (from what I still wasn’t entirely sure of), and he needed “space”. Looking back the breakup was very cliche “it’s me not you” ( he said he was sorry for not communicating better and that I deserved someone who could give me what I want) but after I opened up and took responsibility for my actions, he suddenly put the blame on me! Him and my mom were close and after the breakup he confided in her and brought back issues I had never heard of FROM 6 MONTHS AGO! I have been devastated…. he did something similar( ghosted) with his last girlfriend, actually he moved to California and broke up with her over the phone after he was already gone). We had made plans to get married, we have the same career goals, he even gave me a rather expensive promise ring. I’m very lost with how to approach him after our 30 day no contact. P.S. I am very close with his family and vice versa (I even work with his sister!)…. I do plan to get your guide, but what advice can you give me for some insight into his mind, and whether our relationship has a chance of being saved?
Breakup is hard as it is, especially if you are still obsessing over your ex and wondering all the time whether or not they miss you. On top of that, if your ex starts dating someone else, it’s almost feels like someone punched you really hard in your stomach (while wearing a wolverine claw). Nothing can prepare you for this feeling. But it happens. And no, it’s nothing to worry about.

Hello! So my ex boyfriend broke up with me officially 16 days ago. We're both 27, by the way. 10 days prior he told me that he needed time alone and that he was not in a good place. I was supposed to meet him that day (we live in different cities, but only one hour apart), and I asked if I could still come, or if he never wanted to see me again. He said that he never said that, but he would prefer not to see me for at least a few days. I texted him two days later saying that I understand and he should take his time and he responded with thank you xx. I did not reach out for 10 days and then I texted him asking him to tell me what was on his mind. He replied instantly and said that it's not my fault and that he feels he can not be in a relationship right now. I asked for an explanation and to tell me what was going on in his life, he said he didn't want to talk in detail, it was about the way he felt in general, work, the kid (he has an 8 year old son) and that I never did anything wrong. He apologised and I said take care. I never texted him, we met on tinder and had been dating for 5 months. I met his entire family, his close friends and he met mine. My birthday was two weeks before the break and he brought me a heart necklace with diamonds on it (it took him a while to find a present he liked), I know he has feelings for me, he said so himself, but I am so confused. A part of me says he will be back, another one feels he will not, I just don't know. Should I add his best friend's girlfriend on Facebook? She did tell me her Facebook, but then this happened and I did nothing. I know his friends and family like me. We were good together but the last time he was a bit distant.

@Will-thanks for the kind words. I’m sorry to hear that you, too, have been through the wringer with something similiar. You’re right, there should *not* be any level of behavior that we’re uncomfortable with…not only that but behavior that is seriously disturbing & broken, not even remotely within the bounds of normality-that we should allow or give the ‘excusable ‘ pass to, because of whatever. Unfortunately, the heart wants what it wants & will twist things around in order to make behavior ‘acceptable’ enough to continue dealing with. In my case, even making him the sad, ‘victim’ of life’s lots, that I should nurse along until I ‘healed him’ (hahahaha). He still choses to ignore me rather than allowing me a say or rather, *the* say that I need in order to close this never-ending story out. That infuriates me. But, c’est la vie, and I have no choice, after being thrown abruptly into the freezing cold, deep end of the pool, but to swim out. That, I’m doing. If I know him…he’ll be back, all sweet words & hearts. This disgusts me to admit-but, I don’t know that I won’t accept him with open arms when he does, as sick as that is and *I KNOW* it is! Urrrgh!!! Why is it, that, there are those few ppl you’d follow straight to Hell just to get a 5 second fix of the ‘high’ they give you, rather than leave them be, and continue living in (relatively) Heavenly states?
Hi, I broke up with my ex girlfriend like 6 weeks ago after dating for 2 years. She broke up with me cuz she said that we were fighting a lot and she has trust issues. And that she thinks our paths are in very different ways. We are both from LA but she is currently in NYC and I’m in Cancun. It’s been a long distance relationship since the beginning. The fist 1 week I did not talk to her, the second week I started to try and fix things and she said she was over the relationship. It’s been a long distance relationship but we made it work seeing each other every 3 weeks. After I saw that she was really sticking to her word I flew in that 2nd week to try and fix things. We spoke in person and maybe I was to needy or tired to convince her to give us another chance and she still said no. This was the 1 of Agust 2018 I flew back home and started the no contact rule. Around 2 weeks ago she unblocked me from WhatsApp and Instagram so i thought that the no contact rule was working. I texted her on Monday the 3rd of Septembe 2018. I Found out later that day before she answered that she is going out with some other guy or that she is seeing someone new. When she answers I lashed out and straight up told her that I was very disappointed in her cuz I never thought she would go out with someone new that fast. I guess that was a mistake on my part and defeated the no contact purpose, or I don’t know. But I was very mad and disappointed. I was so mad that I blocked her. I then came to my senses this past Friday and sent her a FB message apologizing for my behavior and telling her how I felt and how th no contact period had helped me unterstand where we went wrong and that I loved Her and that I wanted to make things right ect. She answered today saying that she doesn’t want to hurt me but that she thinks we where arguing to much and fighting over everything and that she thinks she did the right decision cuz our paths are very different. I don’t know what to do now? Answer her what? Or what should I do? No contact again? Or should I answer her back?
You don't have to stay in the dark forever, though. If it's been about six months and he hasn't dropped one hint about where he sees this going, casually speak up, says Jennifer Kelman, a licensed social worker and relationship expert at Pearl.com. For example, if you'd like him to meet your parents, ask if he'd be up for going out to dinner with them, but let him know there's no harm if he's not quite ready for that yet. Above all, keep the tone light and maintain open lines of communication.
One of the reasons you seek new boyfriend advice from your loved ones—and ahem, the internet—is because you’re stuck reading between every line and over each text message. Here’s the hard truth about overthinking the details: The more you over analyze a man and your relationship with him, the more anxious you will feel. When you’re researching ‘how does a man act when he’s falling in love’ and and ‘how to stop a man from withdrawing’, you lose your sense of self.
You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Lauren, I believe your advice about giving the ex space is on point and I wish I had given mine a lot of space. I broke up with a man who suddenly dumped me with a phone message when he knew I was not home. Friends of ours told me to give him space, and I did not; big mistake on my part. He is with a woman he and his parents know, she is old enough to be his mother. He sometimes chats when he sees me in the area. I began to feel like I'm sitting on the back burner and decided to just greet him and not chat unless he wants to chat. A good male friend told me to give him six months, it has been three months, so I'll see what develops....
I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.
Right now is your time.  While your instincts are to obsess over your ex boyfriend and run through your mind over and over again as to what you did wrong, you have to stop thinking this way.  So what I want you to do is start writing down your vision of the future and what you want.  Don’t think so much about what happened in the past, but focus on what you are going to do to start healing.
Eventually he told me he can not stand it anymore and although he loves me he cant be with me. So we didnt talk for 2 days, and then he wrote me that Im the love if his life and he wont give up on this. But I decided to take a step back cuz it hurt me. So I told him we need to do the talk and decide what we are gonna do. After 2 weeks we finally did it and had a big fight. Then we decided to try again. So we met again and it just led to nowhere. We went in circles, could not even find a place to go to do the talk because of my stubbornness and his lack of understanding...
This is eerily similar to the EX2 System, but can yield results. As an actual person that's used the method, I got stunning results after only a week, however, I should have pushed it out another week and it would have been much more effective and could have resulted in us getting back together, rather than meeting up and having sex in my Mustang one last time.
I met this guy 6 weeks ago via tinder and we hit it off after 3 weeks. He said he wanted to be exclusive with me and we text and talk everyday even when he’s travelling. The thing is, he is always travelling for work and when I met him back after his 2 weeks of travel (1 week ago) , I was excited to see him but I was facing with a lot of family problems (family member has cancer) that time. He was telling me how much stress he was facing during the last biz trip and I listened and comforted him. Before we parted, I said I needed a break from this relationship as is moving too fast, instead of telling him my family issues. He looked disappointed and said OK and left. He did not initiate any contact with me for the past 1 week except when he just text me arrived safely at the airport that time. The next day I text him saying I am stressed out and feel bad abt what I said to him, he didn’t reply. I text him 2 days later asking is everything OK, he said all good and he’s tired. Then 4 days later I text him that I wanted to rekindle the relationship again, no reply. I’m thinking is he pulling away as I demanded space? But I already said I want to start again. He is coming back in 5 days time. I don’t know what should I do then? Shall I wait for him to contact me or if he doesn’t, means he wants to end with me?
Sorry in advance for this being a bit long. My ex and I were together for about 3 months and we were both really happy during that time. Towards the end though she started stressing at the idea of committing to a relationship. I also was panicking because she has lots of guy friends and she was hanging out with one of them a lot more than normal(But now I know there was never anything between them). She started distancing herself and stopped talking to me and after a month of this I told her that she needs to tell me what's wrong because I couldn't go on in the relationship without any communication from her. She apologized and said that we should just be friends. For the next week I was openly sad, even with her around because we work together. Eventually I just started NC and went for 2 weeks. After that I tried talking again and after a week I realized that I still wasn't ready so I did NC for a month. She tried contacting me multiple times during this. After the month she texted and apologized for everything that had happened and she wanted things to go back to the way they were between us (she wanted us to be just friends but still talk to each other like we used to). I decided ok she misses me it's only a matter of time so we got really close for the next 2 months and really seemed like she was attracted to me again. Then I started to panic because I knew I would eventually have to ask her if she wanted to get back together. So I stopped talking because that's what happens when I stress. She noticed then asked what was wrong and I told her that I had feelings for her again and I understood that she probably didn't feel the same but I just had to let her know how I felt. She didn't respond much to that so I did another no contact for 2 months she only tried to contact me once. After the 2 months I apologized and since then we have been closer than the first NC but not as close as when we were together. She's been going hot and cold lately though. Like one day we'd be talking and is feel like wow this is just like the good old days I love her and others she's just giving one word responses and I'm left with a headache because I over think everything. What should I Do? Sorry this was so long and thanks for reading it.
Hi Lauren again... Well, quite some time passed by, we broke up 3 and a half months ago. I did try all this what you recommend here: waited, wrote the apology letter, asked him if we could talk about what could I have done better. This is what happened: we met for a coffee and had a good talk, just general catching up and casual subjects, however he didn't mention anything about our relationship and I didn't want to push him. It was a friendly time, with some sparks still there. Then we continued in email, I asked him again about what has gone wrong between us, to which he responded that it was mainly about HIM: he was too stressed about certain things in his life that had nothing to do with me. And mentioned a couple of concerns about me, but they were not anything serious. Then HE suggested that we should meet and discuss it, he will be happy to see me - but another month passed by and he didn't seem to be able to fit me in his extremely busy work schedule and stress and I indeed knew that they had something going on in the company. I was very understanding and not pushy at all. Maybe I was way too patient and gave him too much time: tonight, I saw him with another woman, walking in town, holding hands... Now, we will still meet once, because I forgot something at his place. I am totally clueless of how to behave toward him. Shall I pretend that I don't know anything and wait till he brings up that he already has somebody else, or shall I confront him? The worst thing is that he is one of the last men on Earth I would expect to be dishonest. What shall I do now? Now I am close to 50 and I have never been so happy with a man than with him, in fact, he was the first one I could have imagined to grow old with, and he used to be also very happy and planning a wonderful life together. And now I am in quite a shock. Thank you in advance! ...
Broke up with girlfriend after over 2 years together. We had some issues and had been to relate but finished counselling positively. Change of job had me move towns. She followed me 2 months later when she also had new job. My job fell apart and I had to quit just as she relocated. I then got work elsewhere on temporary basis but it went on for 9 weeks. We barely saw each other saw each other. I felt pulled work wise away from her and I allowed it to happen. We split. I was in denial for a month or so. When realisation hit I was heartbroken. I’ve tried emailing to say I want to get back together but she’s said she’s not in love with me and we have no future and that she wants space to heal.. I love her so much. I’ve written a heartfelt apology for hurting her but she won’t respond. I just don’t know what to do. I think she’s built up her barriers and is determined to put me in a box and ignore me. What do I do? I’m so very sad, really love her and can see all the ways we could have a really good relationship but if are doesn’t….
×