Been trying to slowly get my long distance ex back since January, and we’re on speaking terms again now, and even though that’s a huge step forward, I still have doubt. He’s always been a kind of distant person, and since he first reached out to me like 2 months back, I have initiated all conversations since then. I’m suspecting that’s what you call the hot and cold-treatment? Still, I really wanna get him to open up and finally realize that he loves me after all. If y’all have any more tips, I’d love to hear them.
My ex boyfriend are both in our mid-20s and dated for 6 months until he broke up with me out of the blue when I came back from a vacation almost two months ago. He did it via text, blaming it on mental health issues and two days later called me to meet up and talk about it. The whole time he was being extremely affectionate. I told him we could be friends but saw him on tinder that night and told him that was hurtful and cut contact. I realized that I had been acting insecure and reactive towards him and focused on being a more laid-back and positive me. Almost 4 weeks later I contacted him via text. He responded positively and I called him that week and he said he would love to hang out, then went cold on me when I tried to confirm plans. I saw him at the bar that night with other girls and kept my cool going up to him asking how he’d been, then went back into no contact after he ignored my text for a day. A couple weeks later I called him in a moment of weakness but he didn’t answer. He texted me that morning though and we started chatting a bit via text and Snapchat for a few days, and I asked him to hang out. We hung out at his place and just watched tv and talked. I felt confident and he seemed nervous. It seemed to be going great and he was heavily flirting with me, reminiscing and talking about future plans. I was sweet but playing it cool and being skeptical, not flirting too much. After I left he texted me thanking me for seeing him, telling me how awesome and sexy I am. The next day I called him to get lunch but he didn’t answer and texted me 20 mins later saying he was coaching and we had a quick, positive convo. That was a week and a half ago now and he’s ignored a text I sent him of a funny video the other day. Then, last night he posts a Snapchat of himself with another girl, which he never posts them. Did I scare him off for good with initiating too much contact? What’s the best course of action? I want to give it another chance because we had a loving relationship.
Right on from the man’s perspective. The kind of things like “you’re in the doghouse” is exactly what drives men away. Respect goes both ways in a relationship, and it’s not a battle of the sexes. When women see it as “men vs. women” it’s half over already. It’s not to say men are not jerks — many are. But if the love and connection are strong, then be respectful. If we guys want to have me time or gain some perspectives by retreating, please let us do so instead of making us feel even worse, like we’re scum…. and we will respect more of you, as we also know you need your space too from time to time. A relationship is a fluid thing and we need to adjust and adapt. Mostly, we need to respect each other.
my bf of a year and i decided to break up cuz we thought it was the healthiest option we had. we were in a long distance relationship and we both have depression. we talk to therapists once a week. he and i work almost everyday so didnt really get to talk to each other.(we also have like 8 hour time difference) we broke up over a phone call, he said that he stills loves me a lot and misses me. he told me to not delete all those pictures on FB cuz he wont as well and wont try to forget about me. i'm moving to Europe in 3 months(he lives in Europe) and he wants to see me when we close the gap. He said we could try to recover the relationship when we see each other and now we just have to give each other some space to work on ourselves and be stable. 4 days after we broke up, he sent me a message out of the blue asking is i was doing okay. i said i was fine and asked him if he wanted to talk. and he said he just wanted know. i know i have to go no contact at least for a month, but this break up doesnt feel like a real break up to me tbh. it just feels like a break. do i still have to go no contact and ignore his messages when he texts me? i wont initiate any contacts tho.
So, my question is this. I've discovered this information only recently, and my ex left me late last year. The winter and early spring was rough, and I broke a lot of rules. I finally tried no contact as long as possible, and didn't contact her from April till June. I've done a lot of self improvement, but when I broke and finally reached out to her, I think I might have screwed up the process somehow. I haven't even brought up our past at all, and have been trying just small talk here and there, but she seems to be withdrawing from me again. Should I try the no contact period again? Or is there some other way I can right the course of the process to give myself the best chance of doing things the right way?
So stop over-explaining every little thing, stop sharing all of your childhood stories with him, and don’t let him know what you’re doing at all hours of the day. Keep some things to yourself, and it will make him even more curious about who you really are. He will subconsciously know that in order to peel back all of your layers, he needs to take the next step and ask you for exclusivity.
It could be either, but I'm leaning towards the long-term commitment issue, especially if she has kids but isn't married - which is proof of a previous failed relationship and that probably caused her to develop trust issues in seeing things. Additionally, you've only been going out with her for 3 months which is a short period to her to trust you enough to let you meet her kids. I suggest giving a week of space before you reach out to perhaps talk to her about this, and ask her why she suddenly decided to call the relationship off.
David Oragui is the CEO & Founder of The Balanced Life Academy, an organization that teaches important life skills for everlasting success in the 21st Century. He is also the lead practitioner and has taught over 160 people how to inject balance in every facet of their lives, from their physical and mental health, to their relationships, career and material wealth. Learn how we empower people to make positive changes in their life, through the life skills we teach.
Plan surprise dates, leave her sweet notes, tell her she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and send her flowers for no reason at all. If you were in shape when you first met her, make an effort to stay that way. Often times these things go out the window after the first six months or year (and it’s probably no coincidence that sex starts to become less frequent around the same time).
Great article but didn’t work for me. I read an ebook and finally understood what I’ve been missing all this time. It’s all about triggering biological instincts men have that we women don’t understand because we are just so different. I realized that is why I lost him in the first place! Luckily, there are simple phrases you can use to trigger those instincts, get him back, and keep him hooked forever. Not only got my man back but he treats me like a princess! No more bs. He absolutely adores me and it’s damn effortless on my part. Every time he starts slacking in the relationship, I start talking this way and it stops instantly. Good luck ladies! You deserve a man who will do anything for you :)
Unique lists featuring pop culture, entertainment and crazy facts. Covering the hottest movie and TV topics that fans want. The most LOL-worthy things the Internet has to offer. A fresh take on sports: the biggest news and most entertaining lists. The only place to satisfy all of your guilty pleasures. The go-to source for comic book and superhero movie fans. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. The Most Entertaining Quiz Site In The World. The World's Most Entertaining Car Website A one-stop shop for all things video games. Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. Simply the World’s Most Interesting Travel Site.
Hi Alexandra, This is exactly what happens to me. A lot. Do everything by the book and it does not produce results. Generally you suddenly see these guys with some bland Miss Piggy woman a month or so later. From what I have understood so far, these men think they are not good enough for you. Unfortunately, I never found any way of solving this. Once they believe this, you cannot change it. Only he can. Just find a guy who thinks he IS worthy of you. Very hard to find. Classy agency is your best bet.
Breakups hurt like crazy. And your mind is just clouded with the grief. It seems that your thoughts are just controlled by your emotions. So if you miss your ex, you might think that they were the perfect person for you. But in reality, it might not be so. In fact, I can almost guarantee that it wasn’t so. Your ex, just like every other person on earth had flaws. And your relationship, even though it might be hard to believe right now, was not great. How can I tell? Well, if it was great, you wouldn’t have broken up.
Great job for stopping smoking. But remember, you really did it for yourself. That choice is yours for “you” and it will have positive implications for your entire life. Just go it slow. Relationships that have been injured need to be nursed back to health slowly. Look to my website Home page for resources, tools, and my eBooks to help you with the entire relationship recovery process.
By the way, the best results I've seen for people with abusive anger is with the energy therapy techniques of Bradley Nelson, which Dale Petterson in my office does for my clients. It's quite amazing how these techniques seem to pull the anger out by the roots....though multiple interventions plus conventional couple and individual treatment have to be part of the treatment strategy.
i don’t really agree that a woman’s gotta give a guy space under every circumstance because sometimes when people are in steady relationships there might be scenarios where real problems arise which might require a ‘down-time’ but either way the only solution is to talk about it, if a guy doesn’t wanna talk and he just dissapears he doesn’t have respect for the woman and is not interested at all,so for him it’s just a game and for the ladies it’s really painful.so keep away from these type of men,especially if they start to act like this in the early phases of dating and peculiarly if you met them online.these online dating guys are not trustworthy and have parallel contacts
1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve every day. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something to make yourself feel good about yourself.
The key to succeeding in this very first step is keeping your emotions in check. This is usually easier said than done, especially after a breakup when our emotions are usually running wild! When you miss your ex, it’s easy to let emotions and longing take hold, causing you to reach out to him in an attempt to stay on his mind, or maybe to reignite the spark.
Hello I can imagine your going through a hard time trying to understand this guy. He’s confusing you because he’s confused himself. He has distanced himself because this is what guys do when they are thinking if they want to be with you or not. This also shows how he doesn’t care much about you and more about himself. He says these things like I miss you and all that stuff to make sure your still around for him as an option but does his words match his actions? If he missed you he woukd see you. Does he see you? No ? Then he’s not telling the truth he’s using words to keep you about for his own ego and loneliness. There’s a way u can find out if he wants to be with you or not and that’s by ignoring him he sends u a msg like I miss you can I talk to u or just hello no mater what his msg says u say nothing. A woman’s silence shows and expresses your hurt more than your anger and words do. This also gives him time to properly miss you and it also stops you looking easy in his eyes men want a challenge they want to chase so give him what he wants and don’t feel bad about it either he hurt you did he care ? Sounds like he didn’t.
I'm not saying that men are right in pulling away, they also need to acknowledge the part they play in bringing out the worst side of a woman's fears. But just for your sake, for the sake of your mental and emotional health, just let go… anyway this is not the time to be having "talks" about the relationship because he'll most likely be unable (or unwilling) to have such deep convos during such a time.
Been with my boyfriend for 6 years we have 2 beautiful Little boys together And about 2 weeks ago He started to get distant with me and I kept trying to plan stuff to do with him and you kept blowing me off And 5 days ago he broke it off with me But wants me to still live with him And sleep with him But we’re not together I don’t know what to think or how to feel All I know is that I don’t wanna be with anybody else but him I can’t get you another man in my life at all I don’t want you I’m 36 he’s 38 Our kids are 2 and 4 Is there anything I can do to get him to love me or be in love with me again He says he’ll always love me He’s not in love with me anymore
I need advice though. During one breakup he slept with someone else and came back saying how he realized he was in love with me etc. Although we were technically broken up we were still seeing and spending time with each other. Also being intimate. I’m really trying to move past this but his most recent pulling away has made me insecure and really psycho. We’re both older 39 and 41 professionals. His job is much more consuming and he has a lot in his life right now but says I add additional stress when really I just need reassurance (I know I have my own issues).
When I start digging around, it doesn’t take long before one partner mentions porn. It usually goes something like this, “I know all guys watch porn, but it has occurred to me there there might be an addiction.” One female client recently told me that she came home from work to find Post-its covering her face in all of their framed photos. It turned out that her partner had been masturbating to Internet porn and was so embarrassed, he couldn’t look at her.
Build some intrigue into your schedule that keeps him wanting more. Wait a few minutes to text back, or if he asks if you're free Tuesday, say that you have other plans but you'd love to meet up on Wednesday. This helps him to realize that your time is valuable and that he'll have to go out of his way to see you. Just remember, no one likes playing games. "Don't move dates around too much—that can get frustrating for a guy who also has a busy schedule like you," Trespicio says.
If your guy is hesitant to commit to you, going away on a trip with a few of your girlfriends will definitely catch his attention. The whole time you’re away, he’ll be driving himself crazy wondering if you’re meeting and hooking up with other guys. This is your time to completely forget about him, and just live in the moment! Feel free to send him a text here and there to let him know how much fun you’re having, but don’t stay glued to your phone. Give him time to miss you, and we guarantee as soon as you step foot back in town, he’ll be anxious to make you his girlfriend once and for all!
During the courting process we’ve been conditioned to believe that men should be providers and women are caregivers and nurturers. This division of labour between the sexes has become a staple in nearly every walk of life, most notably, during the courting process. Despite society’s attempts to abolish traditional gender roles, many men still feel more inclined to “foot the bill;” as it is still considered a good gesture, and does nothing but increase our chances of being in your good book.
Because he was feeling so much better about himself with his new problem-solving and listening habits, Peter was able to talk with his wife in the playful and engaging mode that had attracted her when they had first met. Paulette was delightfully surprised. She appreciated his clarity about the mistaken roads he had taken. She liked his vision of the new Peter. She especially like the many ways that already he was acting in the new ways. She felt for the first time in years that Peter was actually seeing and listening to her instead of locked in a narcissistic bubble.
In 2016 I moved to live with him and his parent’s house in another state. In February- he said he needed space, I left and we didn’t talk for 4 days. Then I stayed with his Aunt for two weeks. Back in March, he told me to come back home because he wanted things to work and was going to change so things worked. (He just stopped making time for me, acting distant, and always seemed annoyed with me) Well, nothing changed. He still acted distant toward me and not very interested in me. He does operate 3 businesses and is always busy but something changed. It was never a problem before. After a few weeks back home, things were decent. Then the week of April 10th he started acting weird again. I confronted him and he agreed that nothing changed. I asked him “well did you make an effort to change things?” he said “no” so I told him well things are not going to change unless you want them too. Long story short- he broke up with me. I had to pack my bags and MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE because I had no family around. Mind you after we broke up, he left. He has not contacted me AT ALL. He left the house and I packed my stuff. I even left him a note and has not contacted me. He is posting more than usual on Instagram, he seems fine. I’m over here devastated- I had the rug ripped out from underneath me. I need to start over- career, life in general….everything. His life wasn’t completely flipped upside down. He is the love of my life and I don’t want to lose him. He hasn’t contacted me at all. He has asked mutual friends “how is she?” and even told a mutual friend “I haven’t reached out because I don’t know what to say and I don’t want to start an argument.” I want him to call me and tell me he made a mistake.
Real trust is hard won and easily lost. Trust can be whittled away little by little with small transgressions, as in failure to keep promises with no acknowledgment or apology, only excuses; or all at once as in an affair. When trust is gone a relationship begins to die. People end up just going through the motions of being in relationship. Love and connection withers. Emotional connection dries up. Communication suffers, becoming stilted and mechanical, concerned mostly with the logistics of life. Eye contact becomes fleeting and uncomfortable.
This is a good article. I probably broke some rules. My girlfriend broke with me three weeks ago, she blocked me from social media except from emails. We'd been emailing us but last night she told me that she wants to recover peace and happyness. I accept to prove her needy. We'd been together for four years. Hopefully in the no contact time she would miss me, as I do miss her. Today I sent her a text message with a flower, wishing her a good day and reminding that she is more beautiful than the flower. I would try the 30 days challenge.
The fact that you feel broken and dead inside without him isn’t going to make him say, “Well, in that case, we need to get back together immediately!” There is nothing sexy about that. All you will do is make him feel guilty, or you’ll make him go cold and withdraw from you because men don’t like feeling like the bad guy and he might completely emotionally detach himself from the situation.
So true! You can’t coerce someone to be with you. When a guy wants to be with you they just will. That is what happened with my current boyrfriend. We dated before and he didn’t want a commitment. We broke up and dated other people. We started talking again after many months of being apart, became friends for some time and began spending more time together. It naturally came together well and after time we verbally agreed that we were together and just wanted to be with each other. End of story. It’s very simple.
Our third attempt—and, you guessed it, the ensuing breakup—was kind of a glitch in the space-time continuum. It was 2009, and at this point I’d realized Mary was not an easy person to please. I coasted through the relationship, and she called me out where other girls I’d been with brushed off my repeated bad behavior. Our second breakup had reinforced the notion that no relationship comes easy and you have to put in the work, but I still sucked.
I have been “talking” to this guy for almost 3 months. It has been going great, but we have not had the commitment/exclusive talk. I was fine with us taking it slow and was not worried about this, but now we are long distance for the near future. I feel like we need to have this talk so I know exactly where we stand. I do not see any point in being in a long distance relationship if it is not serious, and we do not have a plan and are not both committed to make it work. I know I should have brought this up before I left, but I panicked. I am not sure when I will see him in person again and my question is in this case is it acceptable to discuss this over the phone? And when I do talk to him how do I bring it up without him freaking out.
We’ve come full circle; at this point I can also tell you that if you’ve done everything possible to get back with your ex, if you’ve followed our advice diligently, if you’ve worked with a relationship expert and the one you love still isn’t willing to make any compromises or sacrifices to also accommodate you and to make things work; then perhaps you should consider moving on and research how to get over a breakup because he or she probably wasn’t right for you.
End the conversation first. Start hanging up the phone or ending the text conversation before he does, especially if you’re usually the last to say goodbye. Being the first to end the conversation will leave him wanting more, and keep you on his mind until he talks to you again. This longing for more communication will start to drive him wild with his desire to talk to you.
Thank You Eric for this wonderful article! I followed all your advice keeping my options open, stopped having an agenda, started enjoying the relationship for what it is and most importantly learned how to be happy by myself, and the guy I was dating for almost 2 years finally made it official! It takes time to practice these things but it is so worth it!
Commitment problems can come from a wide range of places. Perhaps they had a relationship that was horrible and their ex cheated on them. This would obviously make them hesitant to commit to someone else. They may also have parent issues that explain their commitment issues. First, you need to figure out why they are that way so you can tailor your behavior to make them want to commit. [Read: 13 signs he wants a relationship but has commitment issues]
I suggest that working towards getting the fling back isn't the most healthy of options and you should just be honest with your feelings towards him. Keep in mind that you should be mentally prepared for the worst because flings often end with one person getting hurt especially when the other person may not have been entirely serious about you in the first place.
My ex(27f) and I (31M) had avery intense but short relationship (3 months, even though we liked each other for longer than that). At the time of the breakup she started having a lot on her plate, studying something new, working on a project and starting work practices all at the same time, and then it was me, being afraid of losing her and showing it sometimes, I was making her stressed in a time where she needed space and support and ended up breaking up with me. I got into an emotional mess and during the break up day I tried everything, text, mails...She got fed up and blocked me.
P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason
If both you and your ex are on the same page then there really shouldn’t be a reason why you can’t go back for some fun once in a while. In saying that, this is rarely the case. In my opinion it’s best to stay away: if you’re just after a bit of fun, then download Tinder. Avoid any situations where people could potentially get their feelings hurt, no matter how little harm you think it can do at the time.
Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!
So my girlfriend dumped me 4 days ago. She said that she has been unhappy for awhile and that I cant fix it. I know she loves me and I cherish her more than life. But she keeps saying she doesnt know what she wants and that she needs time away to find happiness. I was upset so I did message her quite a bit and sent her flowers. After reading this I have stopped talking to her to give her time. I will do anything it takes to win her back. We were together 2 and a half years. Do I still have a chance and if so what should I do and when will will it be okay to message her to begin talking again?
My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won't answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am trying so hard to stop contacting him via text but it's hard because we talked everyday for six months. I cry and miss him terribly and he won't talk to me. I am trying to hard to do the 30 day no contact rule. my email is firstname.lastname@example.org
You didn't take control of the pace of the relationship. You didn't let him miss you. You gave all of yourself to him right from the start and there was nothing to miss. A lot of women assume that just because a guy really wants to keep seeing them, they should do this. However, my advice is to put the brakes on. Let him have space. Let him yearn for you a little bit, because that space is going to allow you to get to know each other, instead of just giving in and seeing each other every single night. You guys are still strangers and then suddenly the entire relationship just burns up into flames. He realizes, maybe it's moving a little bit fast and he wants to slow things down, and then you get mad and the whole thing ends. We don't want that to happen. So, again, move slower than he wants.
In helping men and women through issues in their relationships for nearly two decades, I have learned to appreciate that there are significant differences between the sexes. Men tend to get frustrated and dismissive toward women if they cannot quickly resolve their issues. A woman needs to connect and share what’s on her mind as part of letting go of things that are affecting her emotionally. A woman wants to vent and process her feelings. This is part of her makeup and fulfills her emotional needs. Men need to recognize this and be patient.
Guys do it…and dammit, women should be able to do it too. In other words, don’t always be available for him by constantly saying “YES” or “OK”. He wants his space so that means he does NOT get privileges of calling you or asking you to go out when he feels the whim. He has to earn back that “high priority” status. Make other plans so that he will start to remember how you used to be available for him, but now you’ve moved on and are keeping busy.
That being said, and long story short, my temper got the better of me when I started feeling neglected... again. I’m not proud of this, I am ashamed. I acted the same way I would act before. I was so certain I had left that part go during no contact. I know the whole point of no contact period is to work on myself and I did! I swear. Apparently it wasn’t enough? I’m not sure. But after being affectionate, cuddling, sex, the openness of sharing everything, to all of a sudden seeing her so distant again, I guess I just panicked. She was as she was when we were about to break up. NO EXCUSES. I fucked up, plain and simple.
Sounds like pie in the sky? Well, according to Shawn Achor, if he knows everything about what factors are impinging on your happiness such as stressors, hassles, successes, economic circumstances, relationships and so on, then he can only predict 10% of your long term happiness. The remaining 90% is how you process the world around you. If happiness is on the other side of success, it is unlikely you will get there as you continually strive to get better grades, higher salaries and so on.
I know that what this article writes it’s true. At the same time, do I really want a person with which I have to lie about my true feelings? I am very intense, passionate, and so talk a lot about what so feel and what ai think. I feel hurt of I am not in his priorities, if he never calls me or if he says he is not sure of what he wants. Of course it would be better for the lenght of the relationship stay quiet and wait. But would I feel really fullfilled and loved just tolerating?
Well she called me Sunday and I was asking her what was wrong. She said she didn't know, she just didn't feel like herself and that she felt weird. She was acting kind of weird like she wanted to tell me something but was playing dumb. So we stay on the phone for the rest of the night just talking about whatever. We laughed n shit. It was good. Then she told me that she wanted to play Fortnite Saturday night but didnt wanna bother me. I said I did too but I didn't because of the night before. I told her I was surprised that she called me to talk. She asked "you didnt want me to?" and I said "no of course but again, friday". She said "yeah I know". I told her why I didnt talk to her Saturday so I could have a clear mind about things and what happened. Told her I missed her and we got into talking about getting back together. She was taking it really well and listening. Not much conversation. She said she was gonna get a shower and that shed call me when she got out. So she calls me back and I was gonna forget the conversation but she said "you had something you wanted to talk about?" and I thought she wanted to talk about it too so I brought it up again and she just said "well I already told you how I felt on Friday". I said "yeah I know" and changed the subject and we fell asleep on the phone. She also facetimed me for a lil while like we used to.
Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.
Yes! Master this, and life becomes easier because you are living life, instead of ‘auditioning’ as Natasha sometimes refers to. When you realise who you are and what you’re worth, you become authentic through self acceptance. Only then will you be truly ‘seen’ by others. And only then will you tell the users and abusers to move on, because you won’t value the shi* they have to offer. Because you will know your own worth.
Personally, I wouldn’t consider it an emergency if he’s without some of his stuff. However, if for whatever the reason he was so worried something happened to you, at some point he would ACTUALLY start looking for you, whether it’s at work or at home, in which you would find it sweet of course, but at the same time you can tell him you’re fine and just need some space.