When a man pulls away, try not to take it personally. Believe me, I know this is way easier said than done. Everything is going great, you start to think this guy could be the one and then boom, he disappears for what seems to be no apparent reason. If you can relate to this, it probably isn’t your fault. Although it’s impossible to give an exact reason why he pulled away, most of the time it’s his own personal issue’s. If it’s really bugging you, there’s an amazing guide by Slade Shaw. He shows you why men lose interest… Read more »
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My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won't answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am trying so hard to stop contacting him via text but it's hard because we talked everyday for six months. I cry and miss him terribly and he won't talk to me. I am trying to hard to do the 30 day no contact rule. my email is girl8eliza@hotmail.com

Hi Lauren, I've been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here's my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I've flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we'd move to ireland for good when I retired since I'm the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I'm a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn't think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn't "in love with me" and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. "If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?" I said no. "what about after five years to raise our kids?" I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that's our plan. Or we'll do what's best for our fam...
I was in 2 years long relationship with my ex, including one year of long distance. He broke up with me 3 months ago saying he is not ready for commitment and settle in one year because it was supposed to be one year longer the long distance relationship. We had some fights lately, due to lack of contact it was hard to catch him, I wasnt my best too I was picking on him sometimes when it was no needed. I tried to win him back but he didnt want to. We dont speak for over a month now and soon will be my birthday. I find out on social media that he is licking some girls face and that they are cooking together. What should I do? Can I still win him back? I know what mistakes I made and I was in process of chagning myself but I dont know if should I reach to him? What was the actual reason, he said he is not ready but he is clearly making connection with this girl.
Amy Schoen specializes in helping marriage-minded people create lifelong relationships and build the family lives they desire. As a Certified Professional Life Coach, Amy combines her life coaching, incredible life experience, and gift for visualization to help clients connect with the Right One to find committed relationships that align with their values, goals, and desire for family. Check out her site motivatedtomarry.com.
(The underlying point this article/system is hidden between the lines. It's meant to craft you into a confident person, ever deeper than that, it's actually preparing you to be able to ACTUALLY move on. With this new found image and confidence, you may discover that time spent with a person doesn't justify their actions, and you may see that there are better matches out there, and you're now prepared.)
 Change up your look. Making small changes to your hair or wardrobe can have a huge impact on your overall confidence and make you feel good about yourself. In fact, tweaking your external appearance can, amazingly, inspire the courage you need to make more substantial changes. Something as simple as honing your personal style can eventually lead to actions and choices that can improve your energy, satisfaction, and joy in life. Investing time and energy in making small improvements to your outer appearance makes you feel joyful, confident, and entirely yourself and will only lead to good things.
Instead of focusing on how much time he calls, spends time with you etc. Pay more attention at the QUALITY of your phone calls or time together. Is it good? Or are you in a rut? Or is he losing interest because you have nothing to talk about? When a relationship is in trouble, the first sign is the quality of the friendship and connection. Pay more attention to that, instead of the numbers. Trust me, if the connection is strong and the love is there, he will bounce back. But if the connection is lost over time, you need to figure out how to get it back instead of just “moving on” — that is YOU pulling away from this, too. Oh yeah, women can pull away too, basically by shunning the guy.
I won't go into the reasons we broke up. But our relationship just seemed to come to a natural end. After being friends for 10 years and then finally getting together, our lives had been running parallel for so long and then one day, we were just off in different directions. We were young, and had other shit going on that at the time that was more important than our relationship.

This may be the best advice. Be happy. Don’t put on a façade. Be happy because you deserve happiness. Have you always wanted to travel to Paris? Book that flight! Have you desired a new career? Go back to school. Want to learn a new talent? Sign up for that painting class. Whatever it is that will make you a happier, healthier you, do it! If your ex sees you living out your dreams, he may miss you and come back. If he doesn’t, one day you will realize you don’t care. Guys really do like happy girls the most because they want to feel good when they're around you. If you're constantly full of drama when he’s around he’s going to start associating feeling bad with being around you and this is going to end things rather quickly. When you’re happy around him he’ll also be more inclined to reach out to you the next time he’s having a bad day.


This is 100% correct. Applying It is much harder obviously. My girlfriend of 7 years (I was first guy she slept with) left me. I did absolutely everything wrong. Everything this tells you to do. I did the opposite. 6 months of begging and crying. I eventually gave up. Gave her two months of peace. Start seeing someone else. Got my shit together. Became attractive to her again. Blah Blah. We've been married for 10 years now and have two kids.
Every relationship is a power struggle. It may not sound very good to hear and you may not agree but that’s how I see it. You can believe in love, compassion and valuing your partner and still understand that at some point it becomes a power struggle between you and the person you love; in order to live out a type of relationship that mirrors who you are and your values.
Though it can be difficult to ask a man what he is looking for, it also challenges you to get one step closer to your goal. The more comfortable you are with this the easier it will become. I know that some people may not always take my advice to challenge themselves and ask the man what he is looking for, so I want to give you some other clues on what to pay attention to if you don’t want to have this conversation with him. Side note, I am in no way I offering you a pass to wiggle out of the conversation! Remember, challenge yourself.
Exactly Why Guys Start Acting Distant All Of A Sudden (And What To Do About It) Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing: Infographic The Real Reasons Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love How To Tell If He’s Testing You By Pulling Away From You Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages: How To Get Your New Guy Back The Real Reasons Why Men Pull Away After Getting Close
Why is it that when a girl and a guy break up, the girl spends weeks missing him, but he seems to move on within a millisecond? It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. Why should he get to walk away and instantly start to rebuild his life, when you’re stuck at home wishing that he’d call? He shouldn’t. You need to do something about it. You need to make him miss you, just as much as you’re missing him, but how can you do that? How can you make a guy miss you, when it was him who broke up with you in the first place?
Hey Ryan, so my boyfriend of nearly 2 years just broke up with me about a week and a half ago. During this time last year a similar instance happened. I’m his first serious relationship, the first time he admitted to being overwhelmed and not sure if he wanted to continue or not. Over time we worked things out, he came to me and told me he wanted to be with me. Now again, a year later, and a lease signed for a move in date in November, and we are back to being “done”. This time it was in part because my mental health has taken its toll on me and I let it take its toll on my relationship. Of course, he has his issues too. For the first few days he’d still message me, when he came to see me twice he would ask for hugs, hold and embrace me and ask if I’d been seeing anyone. I’m currently doing no contact starting as of yesterday afternoon. I found out from a friend he was on tinder again. I know guys grieve differently than girls, but of course it still hurts.
My girlfriend of two years has left me again (after doing the same thing about two months prior). The last time I had began to move on even though I really didn't want to. She contacted me and said she was shocked by how fast I was moving on and she proceeded to make me believe she wanted me back. Two weeks ago she did the same again - ended it after telling me she "hates me", doesn't love me or fancy me. It's all very out of the blue and I'm acting desperate and needy right now, it's awful. I feel like I'm going mad and I just don't know what to do. I love her but I feel like it's a lost cause.
Plan surprise dates, leave her sweet notes, tell her she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and send her flowers for no reason at all. If you were in shape when you first met her, make an effort to stay that way. Often times these things go out the window after the first six months or year (and it’s probably no coincidence that sex starts to become less frequent around the same time).
Hi Ray! Thank you very much for the male perspective. I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space. When he’s a weekend with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roomate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?

There were other factors. His coaching staff consisted of my father and this 26 year old girl who was a friend from my past. He and this girl have a lot in common, from activities to food to music to humor. It makes sense that they would become good friends. On their days off, they would go skiing with each other, go to the bar to apre… My ex did not know where to draw the line. One day, he tells me that he is going on a long adventure with this girl, a full day hiking/ski trip in another state. There was another guy that was joining them however that didn’t matter. My dad gave me a call and sounded concerned (he never talks to me about guy stuff). So I panicked. When he got home, I expressed my feelings that it made me uncomfortable how much time that he and this girl were spending together. I did not get the reassuring response I wanted. “It takes you thinking I am going to leave you for you to change” and “Why can’t I be friends with another girl?”. He said that things just didn’t feel the same anymore between us. I was stunned. He had turned it around on me to make me feel guilty. He said that he felt unappreciated and taken for granted all winter. He wanted more help with dinner and the dishes. And I apologized and promised to be more aware of his needs.
So true! You can’t coerce someone to be with you. When a guy wants to be with you they just will. That is what happened with my current boyrfriend. We dated before and he didn’t want a commitment. We broke up and dated other people. We started talking again after many months of being apart, became friends for some time and began spending more time together. It naturally came together well and after time we verbally agreed that we were together and just wanted to be with each other. End of story. It’s very simple.
It can feel like you’re a contestant in the Miss America Pageant when you first start dating a guy. You think things are going well, but with dating app FOMO being a real thing — you know: the fact that a guy has at his fingertips an unlimited number of women to choose from, even if they wouldn’t choose him — you feel the need to step up your game so that you take first place in his heart and mind.

(The underlying point this article/system is hidden between the lines. It's meant to craft you into a confident person, ever deeper than that, it's actually preparing you to be able to ACTUALLY move on. With this new found image and confidence, you may discover that time spent with a person doesn't justify their actions, and you may see that there are better matches out there, and you're now prepared.)
"Not all guys are outright about their interest, but there are certain signs you can definitely look for. If you've developed an inside joke, that's for sure a good thing. How polite is he being? Is he buying drinks? Offering his seat? Walking you home/to the train? Is he staying out way later than he should? Generally trying to make sure you're enjoying yourself? Is it super easy to convince him to get one more round when he has to wake up for work at seven? He might be miserable the next day...but he probably won't mind." Brady O.
Since you started no contact in late September, it would probably be better to wait another week at least before you reach out to thank her for sending your stuff. You could use that opportunity to start a conversation with her and if she responds positively, continue towards building up a level of comfort and attraction between the two of you again. Use the guidelines in our other articles to help you along your way.

Stop trying to get your ex back if the relationship was toxic or abusive. It might feel temporarily lonely or even boring to be on your own after the end of a tumultuous relationship, but try to ride that feeling out instead of going back to your ex. On again, off again relationships tend to be based on unhealthy patterns that won't go away. Resist the temptation to jump right back in when you know you're better off without him.
I know this is hard and I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have dated a man that is emotionally unavailable and is following the same pattern that he had in his life. You mentioned his father never married his mother so this is an issue that he has to overcome himself. This is his past playing into his life now. You have to make yourself less available to him and understand that you deserve more than this. I would encourage you to book a session with me or a male coach on my team so we can help you during this time. You can reach out to me on my contact page. If so please state you messaged me on my blog so I can remember. We are here if you need further guidance.
Answer: Sometimes all he needs is a little coaxing to figure out what’s going on. That involves being patient and giving him space and time to figure things out for himself and to discover what it is that he’s feeling. If you keep questioning him, things are going to get more jumbled, which will only lead to more confusion and will keep you two at odds. [Read: 9 ways to get your man to start communicating with you]
Men tend to like women who are independent and confident. They prefer the relationship to be interdependent. Interdependence requires both of you to be dependent as well as independent. This means that you create a dedicated space for your friends, work, and passion. You should not lose grip of things that are vital to you. Keep doing what you were doing before you began dating him.

On the other hand, if your relationship is more like Boris and Natasha’s, all he’s hearing is you nagging for every little thing he does. The two of you might argue often, even though you care deeply for one another. Then all he’s going to feel is pain. This will not lead to him missing you. He may, in fact, choose to get away from you as often as he can!
Our third attempt—and, you guessed it, the ensuing breakup—was kind of a glitch in the space-time continuum. It was 2009, and at this point I’d realized Mary was not an easy person to please. I coasted through the relationship, and she called me out where other girls I’d been with brushed off my repeated bad behavior. Our second breakup had reinforced the notion that no relationship comes easy and you have to put in the work, but I still sucked.
Alex Sandra Myles is qualified as a Yoga teacher, Reiki Master, Teacher of Tibetan Meditation, Dragon Magic and a Spiritual coach to name just a few. Alex has no intention to teach others on a formal basis for many years to come. Instead she is collecting qualifications along with life’s lessons. One day, when the time is right, Alex will set up a quaint studio, in a quirky crooked building where she will breathe and appreciate the slowness of those days as life is just way too busy right now! Reading and writing has always been one of Alex’ passions. With one book already published, she intends to have  a collection out there, each book different, yet with the same intention of helping others along the more difficult paths in life. Alex likes to consider herself as a free spirit rather than a commitment-phoebe. Trying to live as aligned to a Buddhist lifestyle as is possible in this day and age, she just does not believe in ‘owning’ anything or anyone. Based on the theory that we ‘cannot lose someone that was not ours to lose’ she flails through life finding joy and magic in the most unexpected places. Mother to one 20 year old daughter and three adorable pups appreciates that some of the best moments in life are the 6am forest walks watching the dogs run, play and interact with one another and with nature.
Spend more time on yourself for now, because she probably felt your intention when you reached out and isn't ready to face you yet. Work on understanding yourself better and making positive changes in your life that would help with the depression and mood, so that you won't end up contributing toxic behavior if you ever get a third chance with her, or even if you end up with someone else down the road.

I understand that I caused a lot of the fighting but how does someone just quit caring about someone they use to love who is carrying their child? It seems like he hates me. I’d like to ask him these things but I know I shouldn’t and honestly he probably wouldn’t even respond. Hopefully waiting 30 days will help but I’m feeling pretty hopeless at this point


It is easy to let go off certain aspects of yourself when you meet someone whom you consider to be the man of your dreams, but you shouldn’t. If you are trying to be someone you are not, you tend to become transparent to your partner. If you prefer reading a book at home instead of going to the football match, then you should not pretend to love Germany just because your guy is a football fan.
I experienced this just recently with my man as he was really stressed out with work and started being distant. I backed off and did not call or text him. I started letting him do all the work and it only took about a week for him to miss me like crazy. He even said he didn’t know what had come over him but he couldn’t stop thinking about me all day. In that time, I started a new workout and got busy. He loved that and now he’s giving me all this attention again. Don’t be scared to give your man space ladies and do you. It’s healthy and helps you to take better care of you too.
Hi me and my boyfriend of 9 months just broke up. It was an out of the blue break up that left me confused and shocked. Everything seemed good to me we had only gotten into one disagreement the whole time we were together. But our relationship was hard. He worked the graveyard shift so we only got to see each other on the weekend. During the week our schedules were opposite. When I worked he slept and vis versa. So we would try to communicate as much as we could right before the other one would go to work. He met my family enjoyed time with. Literally was hanging out with them the weekend before and out of the blue one night he told me we should break up. That he felt like he couldn’t be the boyfriend I needed and that he felt we hit a Plateau. That he felt that he should be feeling a certain way by now but wasn’t. I.e. his longest relationship was 8 months before me and he’s 36. I miss him and want him back I don’t understand why this happened out of no where.

A week ago my boyfriend of 7 years told me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. That he still cared and loved me but that he wasn’t happy and the spark was gone. He was my whole world, this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. The problem is that we have to still share an apartment together for another month until I can get my own. I have been trying to stay busy and thinking positive thoughts. But it’s hard when you still have to see him.
I met this guy just 2 weeks ago and he was my dream come through….He is everything I needed In a man,he calls 5:30am everyday for the first week,and changed after we both had sex after our second date,now I will call him to tell him he has changed he keeps on saying he is busy…..Although he is the busy type ,but am just a little bit confused,was it the sex we had that got him pulled away, or his he really busy?each time I call him he will tell me he is going through some hard times now that we will talk wen things gets settled?should I stop calling him or still continue to call him?
You know that feeling you get when you know something isn’t quite right? If your date can’t answer simple questions about where he works or acts super shady, chances are something weird is going on. “Listen to what your gut is telling you,” says Mills. And that goes for behaviors too. If he’s already getting on your nerves and it’s only the first date that’s another indicator that you’re just not going to work.
I was being sad in the past few days and would like him to re-visit the ground rules of the break for both of us to make the most out of it instead of treating it as an essential breakup. So I texted him 12msgs within 3days. Finally he replied:” it’s not OK to keep texting me. Stop texting me.” I asked him back:” when will me talk again? I would like to re-visit the ground rules of the break.” He replied:” stop texting me.” I haven’t texted him ever since. It’s hard to hold on. I don’t mind waiting for him until 10/27 when he is done with his exam. The thing is we haven’t set up to be meeting up and talk about it. I checked on line last night. The exam seems hard and only has 15% passing rate. He was stressed out at study/work when he was me.
A while ago, my boyfriend told me he was done with me. That we could remain friends. I find it hard going to friendship from being lovers. Ok, so we still communicate, and Im welcome to his house, n even meet for coffee. I still love him but I think Im confused because whenever I try asking about "us" , he avoids the topic altogether. Is he just tagging me along as he looks for another lady? What should I do? Help a confused sister here.
This is a great article; really clearly illustrated how women pull away for different reasons. I can think of times when I just wanted some space, and I couldn't understand why my partner couldn't sense this and give it to me. I didn't appreciate that she probably thought there was something wrong and that she could help me feel better. I can also remember times when my partner pulled away and I assumed she just wanted space herself, only to realize later that she was hurt and I should have addressed it.
Absolutely! Women look at the details and there is a lot that a man can do to make a great first impression. Starting with good hygiene…women look at teeth, nails, shoes and almost all prefer that if you’ve lost some of your hair, then take it all off–it’s a lot sexier! And for goodness sake, dress for the occasion! Despite our evolution as a fast-paced society, when it comes to dating, some things remain constant—be your best authentic self, and mind your manners!
Guys become distant because we lose interest in you. It might be the way you dress, how you talk about the same problems over and over again, etc. If you wouldn’t cry, whine, cause drama about it, etc, we’d be up front and move on. But because it’s a process with potentially more talking, complaining, crying, etc… we just start to ignore you more and more until you decide you’re mad or over it. It’s just easier.
So it was a deadly suprise that all of the sudden he texted the day after we both said good night and how we love each other, saying he had confusing feelings about the relationship and a few hours later ended it over text saying that he doesn't want to lose me and he "loves me a lot" and that if we continued it would increase our chances of getting into a huge arguement and ending our relationship in a horrible way. So he ended it and we ended in a good way like he wanted and remained friends because he doesn't want to lose me.
Many articles also suggest playing mind games and using pride/ego to win the person back, but honestly, these are all extremely unhealthy habits and qualities that should be avoided when going into a relationship. It's true that since he broke up with you, and it may seem weak to be the one to reach out, but by waiting, you could honestly end up doing so indefinitely. Think about what you want at the end of the day, and I always believe that we should fight for what we want. If you genuinely want him back, it would be best to put pride and ego aside, doesn't matter who broke up with who, and just sincerely fight for him (not in a desperate and overbearing way of course) following our guidelines to reach out.
I was in a relationship with I guy where I pulled away because I fell in love with him and I needed time to process it. I didnt tell him how I felt. I still texted a little, maybe every second/third day just a bit over two weeks, but by the time I came back, he was moody, and started drifting a little from me. He then wanted time apart because he couldn’t deal with my emotional boundary I put up before. So I told him the issues I had and that I fell in love with him. So while we gave each other space, we missed each other. I was happy to see him when I cane back but he begged me to fall right back into the relationship too fast and it was all a very confusing mix of blaming and missing me and I found myself backing away again. Thats when I decided to stopped seeing him, even though I loved him.
Instead of focusing on how much time he calls, spends time with you etc. Pay more attention at the QUALITY of your phone calls or time together. Is it good? Or are you in a rut? Or is he losing interest because you have nothing to talk about? When a relationship is in trouble, the first sign is the quality of the friendship and connection. Pay more attention to that, instead of the numbers. Trust me, if the connection is strong and the love is there, he will bounce back. But if the connection is lost over time, you need to figure out how to get it back instead of just “moving on” — that is YOU pulling away from this, too. Oh yeah, women can pull away too, basically by shunning the guy.
Now, I know that is easier said than done. Accepting “what is” requires putting down your judgments and assessment of things as good or bad. And, that can be extremely difficult to do especially when society has trained us from birth to call certain things good, righteous, and desirable and other things bad, wrong, or detestable – and has also taught us that being in a romantic relationship is the most noteworthy human accomplishment.

Rachel Dack is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Nationally Certified Counselor and Relationship Coach, specializing in psychotherapy and dating support services for individuals and couples. Rachel also serves as a Relationship Expert for eHarmony, datingadvice.com, and other dating and relationship advice websites. Learn more about Rachel at RachelDack.com.


I’m kind of having the same problem but I’ve given him like 3 months of space should I keep waiting I want to waste all my time waiting on him but I really really like him even lives in Canada and I live in FL we wanted to make it work and eventually move closer to where the other is but then after a very close father figure passed away he started distancing himself more and more we’ve known eachother for 3 almost 4 years :(
“I recently got back in touch with my ex and we’re trying to make it work again. What I felt really helped me through the process was the no contact rule for at least three months and truly working on yourself and learning to find happiness outside of the relationship. I got involved with different hobbies, such as sports/working out to make myself feel good, as well as go back to salsa dancing which was something I love to do.”
The common thread that underlies these seven deadly sins is neediness. Neediness is the state of mind that encourages all the above actions. Believing that your ex is the source of your happiness, sense of well-being and/or self-esteem, is the type of thinking that will have you groveling and begging for your ex. Neediness is a state of mind more than a set of behaviors, it just manifests itself in certain actions. It’s a feeling that says: “I need you to respond to me in a certain way in order to feel OK.” (Make sure to read this article for more on neediness and how to prevent it.)

Adam, amazing video, I am impressed! Please keep up the good work! I am a single woman and I have responded to a handsome man’s flirts after like 2 months of him making it more obvious…I have put the breaks on from the beginning and to my surprise he kept insisting and making it more obvious! Here is the catch: I have rewarded him by teasing him a bit and introducing myself and being bold a little bit, bc I wanted him to get a reward and to know what he’s been doing is what I like…however, once I got to feel a bit “more comfortable” and start making small conversations here and there ( every 2 weeks or so, when we run into each other), he now started to pull away slightly, and I didn’t do ANYTHING about it, literally, just being myself, feminine, relaxed, NOT bothered by his pulling away…NOW, this guy didn’t even ask me out, but his face lightened up, he couldn’t stop smiling, it was in his eyes, face, everywhere, of course I noticed how much he liked me…I am a bit confused now, bc he worked hard ( 2 months) to get my attention and get a reward ( me teasing him, introducing myself, giving him a sign that I like him too) to only create a bit of distance once I feel more comfortable! Given that we never went out ( he didn’t ask for a ph number or anything) what should I do? We run into each other when I get off gym and he is at work! Last night I had seen him squeezing his head after me when I passed by (at his work place) and he seemed to careless about him being at work and have his employees seeing him doing that squeezing head after a woman but care far more FOR ME NOT TO SEE HIM squeezing his head to check me out! What happens? he made it plain obvious BEFORE for 2mo, now he seems to create distance but checks me out secretly ( or so he thinks :)). Should I say something given taht he didn’t even make a move on me, or should I allow his teh space he seems to want? I want to give this man a real chance, I liked his persistence :).
If you genuinely think she's at that phase of her emotions and might move past it soon (you know your ex best), then you could consider reaching out first to break NC. However, if it's simply an impulsive act on her part because she doesn't want to deal with the emotions of a breakup, be mentally prepared that she ends up reverting back to her old negative emotions (resentment, unhappiness towards you, etc) and the cycle restarts itself.
It’s amazing what you can see with a little bit of time and distance. You might find you’re happier without him, that you can breathe easier, that you’re more like yourself again and maybe you realize getting back together with him isn’t a good idea. Or maybe a little time away causes you to see his good qualities that you took advantage of during the relationship. Maybe now you’re better able to support his vision for the future whereas you weren’t on board before. Whatever the case, sometimes you need to step away from something to see it more clearly.
Perform mental health check-ins from time to time:  Does being with him make you happy or do come away from your dates feeling troubled or angry?  Do you feel lifted up when you think of him?  Is he respectful of you, your work and your passions or does he denigrate them?  Most importantly, does he find value in you and what you contribute to his life?  Do you find value in him and what he contributes to yours?
When he got back, I told him that I was going to stay the week at my parents house. That I wanted him to spend time at our apartment without me there. I could tell he was starting to feel terrible for how he was treating me. I was being incredibly patient and mature about the whole situation. That Friday night (4/20), I got back to our apartment to see him sitting on the couch. The look on his face said it all. He just couldn’t find the love any more. He cares about me but he could not reciprocate the feelings that I had for him. We talked for an hour, I said everything that I wanted to say. That I love him very much but I understand that I cannot force him to feel a certain way. I asked him why he had been bottling up his feelings of being unappreciated or taken for granted. These were two things that I could help fix and I can’t read minds. He said that he saw how busy I was this winter and didn’t want to add to my plate. Hello.. it takes two to tango.
honestly I did not show appreciation to my ex while we together. I missed valentines day and his birthday. when I decided to make the best of times with him it was to late. then I asked him for closure and he came talked in person. I told what if I got therapy because there is something going on that effects my relationships. he told its been three weeks and I’m over you….. I cried of course then looked at him and said I feel better. just got sick of being sad, doesn’t mean I’m over him. but its step. then I told me what was really going on and told he’s proud of me said I’m strong person and good girl. he told me to feel free to talk to him and said he wont be jerk to me. he also wants to improve. it sucks that I was to occupied with other stuff in life that i didn’t learn to understand him but oh well. that doesn’t mean has feelings for me. sadly I cant live in world that revolves around him I must create my own world and keeping living up to my goals. this relationship may have been painful but helped realize what I need. we are blind from pain because only look at the bad qualities that it brings us but we all need realize its actually beautiful because it shapes us. I’m going to embrace it this break up..
Does he seem like he has one foot out the door? Like he’s not fully invested? When you bring up the topic of where things are going, does he avoid the question or say he’s not ready to talk about it? This can feel like he’s pulling away, but think about it: maybe he’s not pulling away. Maybe he’s standing still and you’re pushing. It might feel the same to you, but there’s a difference.
You need to rely on your intuitions when you meet someone new. Nevertheless, avoid being judgmental or picky from the beginning. It is vital for you to be open-minded. In fact, you should stop overanalyzing every single aspect. Things work out in a better way when you take it easy for the first few weeks. This will also help you to get to know the guy better.
So me and my ex have been going out for ten months and about 5 days ago she said she was unhappy about how ive been treating her the last few weeks (no effort etc), i have very important exams coming up that she knew about which i need to revise for and have accidently distnaced myself from her because of them, i asked her why she didnt say anyrhing sooner and she said 'i wanted to see if anything changed' in the following 2 days she broke up with me and shes just changed her profile picture to something not with us in, she lives very far away 250 miles but i go down as often as i can to see her but its hard at the moment due to these exams and my stress, it seems all rushed and like shes serious but i dont think shes had time to rationalise it properly can you help?!
I am going to warn you now.  You will be possessed by this intense desire to contact him.  If only you could talk to him, you think, you would just explain everything and all would be forgotten.  Well, it seldom works that way.  Chances are your efforts will be ignored which will just make you feel worse.  Or you will successfully reach your ex boyfriend and he and you will end up having a heated or disappointing conversation, leaving you feeling bad and rejected yet again.  It’s almost always a no win situation because neither one of you are well equipped right now to deal with your emotional states.  So just cool your heels and keep reading!
"Going away on a trip just the two of you is always the best idea when you feel like your relationship needs a 'spark.' Of course it is easier for the French couples who get easily seven weeks off per year! But jokes aside, nothing is as effective as three days without the children somewhere other than home (Lisbon? Copenhagen? New Orleans?). Suddenly, you might remember why you are together.
Where do I go to meet the best men? Why do the guys I like so much just stop calling and how do I get the guy I like to get to the next level? These are questions that so many women find themselves asking and it can be so tough to find the right guy! How To Get The Guy from coach Matthew Hussey is the secret to getting immediate results in your love life. Our dating tips are designed specifically for women, with knowledge drawn from working with men seeking love themselves. We know how men work, their thoughts, their feelings and what makes them tick and I know how to hook them in for good. So check out our 10 amazing videos with the best relationship tips for women.
Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears, as Mintz says heavy breathing, groaning, and moaning are all sounds that we make when we're feeling free, and studies have shown that it's erotic for all parties involved to hear. It's also a great way to really express what you want, which is a huge turn-on for men when they know they're doing exactly what you need to have an orgasm.
I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks or so. Yes, early days I know, but we have passed a lot of these things. I’ve met his brother, his casual friends and a lot of his close friends. Natural since we’ve known each other for 8 years really. Anyway I feel like I’ve ruined something great. We try and have a date a week, very casual ones though, we feel good around each other, talk is easy, we support each other, have some similar interests and hobbies, and the sex is great. It was only how one date night he was sick and I organised an easy night at his where I would bring over dinner, watch a movie and just hang out. He told me he wasn’t up to it and wanted some alone time. I get that. I have those days too. I also get that plans come up and that if there is a friend you can only see once in a blue moon then you take it. But, does it have to be the same night? Do I have to find out through a third person that he went to a party while sick on the night he wanted to be alone? Now in past relationships I’ve done the bad thing, let these things slide, hurt me and reward them for it; but I didn’t want to do that. I messaged him today – not trusting my voice – with something along the lines of ‘since you believe in honesty is the best policy, next time tell me alone time just means time with anyone but me.’ I told him I’ve been in that type of relationship before and I was really hurt by it. He said he understood and it was inconsiderate before slipping in the whole thing of ‘personally, i’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.’. Ok, I get that. Just shy of two months dating (even though we’ve known each other for 8 years) and we are young! We are only 22. I agreed with him but he also knows that down the line those feelings on my end might change. I also said that if they change for him to let me know since I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want him to be either. I’ve been in the whole one sided relationship before and the guy really hurt me in that situation. I feel like I’ve ruined it by telling him how I feel since he just slipped in that line and it just felt like another blow. I like this guy, I could see a potential relationship in the future but I’m just scared that even though I said I don’t want a label that he thinks that since i added that months down the line that could change. When that time comes I’m just wondering how to reach him to move from just casual dating to a proper relationship.
Thank u so much your email and articles I have been reading are great.! That are helping me realize that the relationship I’m in is not healthy. I meet this guy from a really good friend of mine.! He is a retired marine he is very different from the guys I’ve dated. Which is very different me, my parents like him a lot. But we argue alott. He says I have no discipline in my life he blames me for all the arguments we have, and its always my fault. I feel happy at moments but it seems I have to be very careful of what I say and do or how I act when I’m with him. He has left the house like 6 times.He says he really loves me but I don’t think he does. Or maybe I’m just trying to hard for this relationship to work which is not going to go anywere! Any advice will be greatly appreciated thank u very much.:)
I did the NC rule according to your plan for 30 days after I moved out. I contacted him via messenger, I just kept it causal, asking him how he was and how work was. He also came over with some stuff to my new apartment, stuff that I had forgot when I moved out. The meeting went well, although he had a mutual friend with him, which I thought was strange since it was the first time we met since we broke up. Anyway, he contacted me just about 20 mins after he left, saying how nice my new apartment was, some improvements I could do and so on.
I met my BF six months ago. I thought things were going great. If he needs me to do things for him I do if I can. Usually because of our work schedules we only see each other on the weekends so I am not crowding him. We have never had a bad argument although he has made me mad before I get over things quickly. Then out of the blue he stopped calling and returning my calls. Was he hurt or dead? I drove to his house and knocked. No answer although his truck was there. I left a note but haven’t heard back. It’s been two weeks. I’m very hurt and confused. I feel like I could be okay with giving him space if he had said he needed space. At least then I wouldn’t have to speculate. I had told him I loved him and maybe he freaked out. But I believe if you feel it. Should say it because tomorrow is not promised and I don’t want to regret not saying it. FYI my BF is twice divorced. Maybe that’s why he’s freaked.
“I feel great that I’m hearing from you again”…is that a joke? You DON’T feel great that they treat you like that. Don’t be a doormat, it’s NOT OK to leave someone hanging, & saying that just allows them to get away with that kind of behaviour and think shelving you like a toy til they feel like playing with you again is OK. You’re better off acting disinterested & telling them flat out sorry but I’m not into that kinda thing, so you’ll have to put more effort in if you want me to stick around or I’m just going to assume you’re not interested and move on with my life. Do not allow people to treat you that way and reward bad behaviour by getting excited & happy they suddenly decide to return. Be true to yourself.
And when you do give him his space, don’t be trying too hard to make him miss you. Don’t be texting him every single second that you’re apart. Don’t be tagging him on random posts on Facebook. Don’t be sending him selfies and snaps of yourself; thinking that this is how you’re going to get him to miss you. The only way he’s ever really going to miss you is if you temporarily excuse yourself from his life.
Thank u so much your email and articles I have been reading are great.! That are helping me realize that the relationship I’m in is not healthy. I meet this guy from a really good friend of mine.! He is a retired marine he is very different from the guys I’ve dated. Which is very different me, my parents like him a lot. But we argue alott. He says I have no discipline in my life he blames me for all the arguments we have, and its always my fault. I feel happy at moments but it seems I have to be very careful of what I say and do or how I act when I’m with him. He has left the house like 6 times.He says he really loves me but I don’t think he does. Or maybe I’m just trying to hard for this relationship to work which is not going to go anywere! Any advice will be greatly appreciated thank u very much.:)
My ex-girlfriend and I broke up last week on Wednesday 12th. We had been together for almost three years which it should be tomorrow 19th. In the past, I mistreat her and cheated on her where I made a big regret for it. Last May 2018, she broke up with me then I worked so hard to get her back in June. By time, our relationship got improving from time to time. Recently, I talked to girls(whose I flirted with them in past) as long as I know my boundary. I learned a lesson. Apparently, she was still obsessed about the past what I did to her where trust issue came up. In several days ago, I was so pretty devastating then getting better day by day. Then I read this article and learned a lot about No Contact and many good information that I never learn in my life. I startled No Contact since Friday night 14th. I just hope that space and time give us healing and someday getting together later.
Take up extreme sports. Do that, and he may think he's losing you. The point here isn't so much that you risk your life but that you actually create more of a life outside his orbit. Canceling a date because you want to make him jealous is lame, but canceling a date because, hey, you've got your karate classes tonight and your flying lessons tomorrow, is sort of cool. Once there's something competing for your attention, he begins to wonder how much he really matters in your life scheme. All you're doing is filling up your time with cool stuff he might like to do, but you're not including him. He's got to wonder if you're drifting away, and in order to lay claim reasonably to more of your time, he'll have to be explicit about how much time he wants. In other words, he'll have to bring up The Talk. Risk factor: Low, with regard to losing him; high, when it comes to your own personal safety, especially if you choose a hobby known for producing fatalities. (Hint: No guy — no matter how great — is worth scaling Everest for.)
One of the best ways to make a guy miss you is to have fun without him. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but your guy wants to be the only thing that makes you happy. If you’re having fun without him (a girls’ night out, some really cool skydiving lessons, etc.), then he’s going to want to be part of the fun. Men like to be the ones to make you smile, and if you’re smiling without him he’ll notice and he’ll pay more attention.

I asked my friends if these "How to win your ex-girlfriend back" videos are true and do us guys have a chance of doing so. My girlfriend of 5 months broke up with me a week ago. We texted back and forward and she said she felt like we aren't right for each other. We came back from a trip from Arizona and she said while we were visiting her sister my behavior opened up her eyes and she saw me differently. She said she felt like I was isolating myself from her sister and her sister's husband, which I wasn't. She felt like I didn't want to be there. I DID want to be there with her. Of course I did. I didn't know what set that off. I felt the cold shoulder she was giving me half way through the trip and my mood change so I began to felt moody as well and that made things worst, but of course I didn't ignore her sister and her sister's husband. I was trying to focus more on what is setting her mood differently. We came back from the trip and she texted me when she got home that she needed time to think and through text she told me she was upset with me during the trip. She said she need space and didn't want to text me, so I skipped a full day of text and the day after she texted me to end things. I emailed her and texted that I love her very much and I believe we as a couple we go through bumps the first few months and if we love each other we can make it work. Correct small things early to get through bigger things in the future. She said she made up her mind and she isn't going to change it. She said she love me still but we're not meant to be. I know this is long but wanted to get all the details out. Does it look good and do I have a chance still? I want to have hope and faith that we will get back after I give her more time. She said time won't make a difference. Was she saying that because it was in the moment or does she really need more time to re think things? I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND I JUST CAN'T LET IT GO.
Hey Sabrina. Great article! I’ve gotta say, the emails I get from you and Eric help a lot. There’s this guy that I met while I was at university, there was definitely a mutual attraction between us but we never acted on it. We’re good friends, but everytime we see each other I feel this spark whenever I’m around him or talk to him. I don’t want to scare him off because I really value his friendship and also I like that I can just be myself around him. He also helped me get through a tough situation a couple of years ago. I’m confused because I get a vibe from him that he wants to be with me but he never says it outright.

The aim of becoming a better a person is first and foremost aimed towards yourself before anything, and you should develop a mindset where you're okay (emotionally) with whatever happens down the road. As long as you've sincerely worked on yourself and made changes, it would most likely reflect in your actions and behavior when reaching out to her, which in turn is supposed to attract her towards this new 'you' naturally.
There are also millions of women abusers and millions men victims that suffer in silence. So this post was great until the discriminative last sentence about million of abused women. Many man just dont speak about terrible repeated abuses, because man must be strong , man has to stand up...man men resist, hold on and bear abuses while women are very prone to scream and ask help at first one.
my ex and I had been together for 3 years(last year of highschool to third year of college-different cities).I broke things of two months ago because we would get intimate rarely the last two month,and when I asked him why,he replyed that we both gained weight and he can't see me as sexually as he used to, but he still didn't want to break up and wanted to work things out,but I was too emotional to think about it then. For the next month after the breakup he still said he wanted me. We saw each other about two weeks ago, and he started being a bit weird... he said he still loves me but doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone, but we can still have sex, or that he is sure that if we took our clothes right then and there we would have sex,or asking me how would i feel if he told me togive him a hug... I told him I still love him and I am not iterested in him being just someone I talk to and occationally have sex with,and if sex was what I wanted,I can find it anywhere I want. Then he started being friendly for a bit,then giving me the cold shoulder the next day. I looked sad and a bit clingy,but didn't beg or acted needy. I recently learned from common a friend that he told her "if she doesn't want me once,I don't want her a hundred times" when she asked how are things between us. To this day we still keep in touch and are on very friendly terms (we used to be very good friends for years before we became lovers) and he usually reaches out,although I'm trying to take some disdance and don't always reply him. I still want after all these things to be with him,and it's not that I just miss him,or the idea of being in a relationship. I miss him for who he is. I really can't understand if it is just a phase or he really doesn't want me. I am willing to try work things out (but not changing my body or myself just to fit his standards as I would never demand that of him) if I see interest from his part,but his behaviour confuses me. what should I do? He is also coming back to our hometown for three days,and asked me to go out for drinks at a place we both used to work and I said ok... I am not sure if it was the right thing to do,or if he will friendzone me if I go out with him for drinks on friendly terms... I don't know what to do...
Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago, because of a text I sent him AND he broke up with me over the phone. We have broken up maybe ten times already this year and I am honestly so drained. He is extremely controlling, jealous, possessive, obsessive and verbally and mentally abusive. But HE broke up with me after I put up with all those horrible traits he has. But for some reason, this break up hit me real hard. HEs not the same guy I met in the beginning and I’m starting to think THIS is really who he is. He said he won’t change and that there is nothing wrong with him and that this is all my fault. I have become obsessive like him and I’m feeling so lonely and sad, over someone who once even called me a whore because he has zero trust in me, and I have always been honest and loyal to him. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to get out of the house and do things that I like but I’m feeling a little depressed over it. I don’t know he still has this much power over me. I even called him crying and screaming telling him I’m having a hard time over this break up and I think he’s getting a kick out of it. I feel like he stole my mojo cuz I used to be so tough in the beginning. Now .... I lost my female balls and I feel like I will never find someone again who will love me like he did. But why would I want someone to love me the way he did when clearly it was a toxic love. Any advice on how I can get myself back? I’m more concerned about getting my balls back rather then him. I apologize for the language but this is the best way I can’t describe what I feel. He controlled me so much that even without him I still feel like I’m under his control. Any advice please?!

I’ve been separated for 2 years now and was always trying to read about relationships, and understand what went wrong in my situation. So one after another, and onother so so book purchase lead me finally to your book! I pushed myself and finally started dating again. I’m dating this guy for one month now and your articles are absolutely priceless and of a high value to me! I would even really like to have a session of your advice in person, if it’s possible:), maybe you visit Boston any time soon?:)

There's always a chance to win her back, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Spend this time focusing on yourself and improving aspects of your life that can be worked on, essentially, become an improved version of yourself. Regaining her trust is definitely no easy task, but as long as you are consistent in your effort and the relationship she shared with you was a meaningful one, there's always a possibility where she comes around.
We’ve broken up once before about four months ago, it was different. But I guess I’ll admit overall the same thing. Except it was for TWO DAYS. and even within those two days we still talked slightly. I can’t tell you exactly what it was about. But long story short, I wasn’t being the more positive. I wasn’t treating him the way he should have been treated. I wasn’t treating him badly, but I wasn’t fully aware of everything he was doing for me. I was negative. Always complaining about my home life, friends, job, blahnlah. But very soon I realized how I was acting wasn’t going to get me or him anywhere for awhile. Then we talked. We were happy. We were together. He had planned to be with me the whole time. Just wanted me to realize some things. Boom. Happy.
Believe that you are special and allow your man time to make himself aware of that. That means, you should have your dignity and not run or jump at his every beckon call. Through little actions such as, not answering a text in a matter of nanoseconds, will tell him that you are a busy woman who isn’t only focused on him. Plan time for yourself, and tell him politely that you will have to see him another time. He will start realizing that you have your own thoughts and opinions, as well as your own life, and that will drive him to you even more. Men won't be so attentive if they think that your life revolves around them. Make him get curious and wonder what is happening with you. Dont always spell it out for him.
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...
The information contained herein is obtained from sources believed to be reliable, but its accuracy or completeness is not guaranteed. This article is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of SageVest Wealth Management and should not be construed as investment advice. All expressions of opinions are subject to change and past performance is no guarantee of future results. SageVest Wealth Management does not render legal, tax, or accounting services. Accordingly, you, your attorneys and your accountants are ultimately responsible for determining the legal, tax and accounting consequences of any suggestions offered herein.
The trick is to give him plenty of space and always keep him wanting more. Even if you’re in a long distance relationship or you’ve been with your guy for years upon years, you should still let him miss you every now and then. Trust me, it’ll work wonders for your relationship. You shouldn’t HAVE to do all of this with guys but the sad fact is, you do with most of them.
Kimberly Seltzer is a Makeover & Confidence Expert, Therapist and Dating Coach based in Los Angeles. She utilizes the unique combined use of therapy, in-field date coaching, NLP and styling to help people with their confidence and dating life. She is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post, DigitalRomance.com, WorldLifeStyle.com and YourTango and is featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine, AskMen, Fox News Magazine, Redbook and Yahoo Shine. Check out Kimberly’s site seltzerstyle.com.
Hi Heather, I see how common is for men to pull away, even if BEFORE going out for getting to know each other a little better, to basically see if we are/not a good match, as in my OWN CASE (read above). If I allowed Adam’s videos to sink in a bit, my own opinion would be that WE GIVE TO MUCH FUSS about these guys! Seriously! At least in my case, I introduced myself,, I teased him a bit and initiate a flirtatious funny SHORT conversation to give him the hint that I am INTERESTED (after I had seen him working for my attention for about 2 months) that he seemed to enjoy it very much and he already pulls away? I respect his own space as of right now, but he doesn’t get anything more from me but respecting his space, UNTIL MORE /IF ANYTHING happens! Going to another date this weekend, actually! while he has his own space, you gotta keep on circulating for your own sake and you would not have wasted your time whatever the outcome turns out to be! Am I right Adam or am I loving myself a little bit too much? :))
However sometimes general concepts, no matter how detailed are just not enough. If you wish to take it a step further and give yourself the best possible chance to get back with the person you love or to have no regrets, I strongly urge you to book a consultation with one of our relationship expert. It could very well be the best phone call you’ll ever make.
It may be early days in this might-be-a-relationship, but practicing independence early on sets a good precedence. Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, stresses the importance of autonomy in a relationship. Having different interests, friends, and activities make for a more balanced couple.

Every relationship is a power struggle. It may not sound very good to hear and you may not agree but that’s how I see it. You can believe in love, compassion and valuing your partner and still understand that at some point it becomes a power struggle between you and the person you love; in order to live out a type of relationship that mirrors who you are and your values.


I am currently in 'no contact' - I haven't spoken to my ex boyfriend since the break-up, which was about three weeks ago. Our relationship was incredibly close: we were together for two years, we had exchanged promise rings and often talked about our future (marriage, etc.)... I love him so much. He is a genuinely lovely, altruistic and romantic guy and we share so much in common, in terms of interests and values. He used to say I made him so happy, content and that I was his best friend, as well as his girlfriend.

Thank you very very very much for the advice! Everyone: follow this advice exactly and there is not a chance you’ll not have the desired result! Actually I’m a mum and used this article to advice my girl who was separated and very miserable She followed exactly what I told her and I prayed it would work as I had no experience at all It worked!! It worked great actually and under the worst circumstances!! Thank you is not enough really!
One question. During this time of me really focusing on myself and trying to understand our situation better. Would it be wise the next time we talk face to face to discuss our future relationship (If we decide to be together again) to mention why things went so wrong in the last one and see if we're willing to set boundaries to not make those mistakes again? A little more insight into our relationship issues. So when we first met he still had a girlfriend. It honestly got under my skin all throughout the relationship because we were Long distance and he never really gave me a clear timeline of when they truly broke up and when we started talking. It made me insecure most of the relationship because early on in the relationship he'd go hours without talking to me. I went through his phone and saw he had met up with her claiming to console her because she was depressed/suicidal. Etc. I should have never got with him until I was comfortable, I realize that now. We started on the wrong foot. Then a series of events where he posted another girl on his page (He deleted it after I told him I didnt feel comfortable, he had no pics of me on his page), confused me with the same girl, and went out with friends with the girl. All without properly communicating with me. I had no issue with him having female friends but his communication about his friends was off. So the Trust and communication really needed work. It was so hard because we were in an LDR. He didnt know how to maintain, honestly. Overall he was a wonderful guy, he just wasnt the greatest at communication when we were apart. Together he was perfect. I felt in the loop. He started to make changes toward the middle/end of the last year of the relationship. So I know he's capable. I dont want to keep bringing up the past but I want to make sure this go around the boundaries are clearer. He broke up with me but I knew the end was near. We both had a lot to work on.
The more your guy says “I love you” then more he will come to terms with it and realize that you are an important person in his life. If at first he refuses to say those 3 words and instead compliments you or says something like “isn’t is obvious” after you have asked whether he loves you, tell him that it would mean more if he said those 3 little words.
Let him go for the time being. If he really likes you, he will come back. Meanwhile, focus on yourself — exercise, go out with your friends, see your family, have a hobby etc. It takes your mind away from this guy and also strengthens you as a person. If he doesn’t come back, you just move on and become a better version of yourself. If he comes back, then you can re-evaluate if you actually want to be with this guy. The “pull away” downtime is good for both of you.
Thanks, Ryan. The relationship was a very meaningful one in which we helped one another to grow in certain ways. I will be ever thankful for that even if we never succeed together as a couple. I will be just as happy without her as I was with her, and I will be happy for her as long as she is truly happy with her life without me in it. I have no bad blood towards her at all, and cannot, with any of my being, ever bring myself to hate or want to hurt her. I just hope, in all honesty, that no matter what happens, she will be alright. I know that I will.
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