Whether she talks a lot or is on the quiet side, ALL women want to be heard. If you’re not the greatest listener, get to work on these skills. First, put away the phone. Second, focus on what she’s saying and how she’s feeling. Third, ask questions to clarify and draw her out. Finally, reflect back on what you’ve heard in your own words. You’ll show her how important she is to you.
My ex-boyfriend recently broke up with me almost two weeks ago. We had been dating for 3 years and 4 months. The day after the breakup I asked to meet him and tried to convince him. I failed. The next day I called him and failed to convince him again. 6 days later I met with him again to get closure, but ended up with nothing again. It is my 5th day of no contact and I intend to give him a month or two of NC. We have "broken up" before, but it was usually only for a day and typically were caused by small fights where one of us was stressed and lashed out. One of the reasons we broke up this time was because he said he didn't have romantic feelings towards me and just loved me as a friend. He said that he struggled with his feelings for me in our third year and started to feel like our relationship was a chore and allowed these feelings to bottle up inside of him. He also had a lot going on which I think is another factor that affected our relationship. When he broke up with me he said things like "I don't love you anymore", he agreed that I made him feel loved and wanted, he said I tried my best, but said he still couldn't love me like that. He also said that he didn't want to go through that cycle of breaking up and making up and wasn't ready to be in a relationship right now. Although I want to accept this gracefully and respect his decision, I still would like him in my life. I feel confident we can make it work. Part of me is scared that he won't reach out or be open to starting a new relationship with me, but I love him and want to be the one to make him happy. I don't know if we have a chance. Everyone says we don't have a chance and that he won't change his mind, but I want to know what you think. I want to believe and start this NC period with some optimism and hope. Do we have a chance?
Everyone enjoys a good mystery, and your special guy isn’t immune to that. If you want him to miss you, keep secrets to yourself. While there’s much to be said about being completely upfront, if your goal is making a man miss you, this isn’t the plan to follow. You don’t have to share your life story in one sitting. Guys like a little mystery and don’t want to know everything about you right away. In fact, that’s how a lot of them lose interest in what could have been a potential love connection. And it never hurts to surprise him with spontaneity. Invite him to do something unexpected. Ditch the dinner and movie and try an outdoor adventure. Guys stray when they’re bored so keep him on his toes and interested. If you’re fun to be around he’s going to want to be around you more and will definitely miss you when you’re not around.

Mindy eventually started no contact and decided to heal. Before contacting him again, we made sure that she has the right mindset about this. That she wants him back but does not need him. That if they get back together, it will be a new relationship and they will have to take things slow from the beginning. That he needed to be a different person as well if they wanted to make it work.


A true apology should be structured as follows: regret, responsibility, and remedy. The first step indicates that you are sorry for what you've done. The second step puts the responsibility on you without making excuses or blaming someone else. The final step offers to make it right or change your behavior in the future.[15] For example: "I just wanted to apologize for when I blew you off all those times that you wanted to spend with me. You must've really felt neglected. I'm going to try really hard from now on, to make it a point to do more things with you so you won't feel like that again. I'm glad you gave me your point of view to realize that."
I’m doing NC (although difficult as we will see each other around the area but will limit to smiles and nods and hello) and we have a lot of shared friends on social media. I don’t have any specific questions but wondering if there’s a uniqueness with the daughter angle when and if I decide to contact her? I know a big part of any new relationship will be for the daughter to see my positive changes and not just my ex.

It’s important to remember her birthday and holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas or Hanukah or Kwanza.  Women feel special when you make a big deal about these special occasions with an appropriate gift, a romantic dinner or a weekend away together.  Don’t forget the flowers and other items (food or meaningful trinket) that she enjoys.  Again, this shows her that she’s special to you and worth all the effort.  If you need help pulling it together, then seek help.  Don’t fall down here or you will be history!
My boyfriend and i have been together for 1 year and 1 month. He goes to a different school and he starts talking to this new girl. Just days before, he kept on reassuring me that he wanted to be forever and he is not going to leave me for anybody else. So i thought that he meant it. I feel like he really does love me deep down inside but he just doesn't want to say anything. I love him with all of my heart and he cheated on me and then i begged him to get back with me. I know that that is backwards because usually when someone cheats, they want to get back with their spouse. but he didnt want to. After we had the fight about cheating, we started to talk. So i started to google signs that your ex wants you back. He would tell me their status, he said that they are not dating but they are talking but on all of her instagram pics, she now tags him. I said that i love him and he said that he loves me too. He then blocked me on instagram and snapchat and if i text him he will leave me on read. I know that i deserve better but i love him and i am in love with him. What do i do?
This cannot be considered acceptable due to one person’s higher testosterone levels. . Even with his extenuating circumstances, this departure went far beyond any excusable or understandable behavior, and it devastated me, causing me to question many things I thought were firm, honest beliefs. Nothing I had done or we had weathered warranted an abrupt-almost deliberately cruel departure. I get what so many people are saying here. We ‘get’ men need more space, but, many learn to use this as license to avoid painful conflicts or act horridly. It’s as much give & take as everything in love & some men take their fill, with no responsibility felt to give the most basic of human actions. Great article. Cut close.
Hi, I’m Summer. My boyfriend and I recently broke up about 5 days who. It was pretty mutual. We both haven’t felt as happy as we used to lately, which I regret ever feeling that way. I just wanted to work things out, but he supposed a breakup was better for us. Now that we’re not together nothing feels right and I feel like I’ve lost my other half. We bith agreeed to remain friends but obviously it’s not the same. I’m currently starting with no contact which is super difficult since I ran into him yesterday. We asked how each other were and as I walked away he opened his arms to hug me. I was surprised. I would just like some advice as to rekindle our romantic relationship and be with him, for good.
Hi, I’m Summer. My boyfriend and I recently broke up about 5 days who. It was pretty mutual. We both haven’t felt as happy as we used to lately, which I regret ever feeling that way. I just wanted to work things out, but he supposed a breakup was better for us. Now that we’re not together nothing feels right and I feel like I’ve lost my other half. We bith agreeed to remain friends but obviously it’s not the same. I’m currently starting with no contact which is super difficult since I ran into him yesterday. We asked how each other were and as I walked away he opened his arms to hug me. I was surprised. I would just like some advice as to rekindle our romantic relationship and be with him, for good.
I’m doing NC (although difficult as we will see each other around the area but will limit to smiles and nods and hello) and we have a lot of shared friends on social media. I don’t have any specific questions but wondering if there’s a uniqueness with the daughter angle when and if I decide to contact her? I know a big part of any new relationship will be for the daughter to see my positive changes and not just my ex.
Continuing contact with her right now may only hurt you further, especially when she’s at the stage of being unsure and you’re still hurting. Beginning no contact right now seems like a good idea as you’ve mentioned and as to whether you should wait, that’s a decision you have to make. I think you’ll be able to get a clearer idea of what path to take once you’re more emotionally stable again and hurting less.

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”


Why is this the easiest? Well it doesn’t have as many core problems as other circumstances, like for instance getting a girl back from another guy. That’s harder. You only broke up due to distance, meaning that the attraction she feels for you is still present. In fact it might even have increased, since women get off on desiring what they can’t have (you). Even if it seems impossible, it can be done.
Hi! Last month, my boyfriend of 2 years moved out of state to finish his last year of school. We agreed to make an LDR work. It was hard, but we had so many trips planned to visit each other and were madly in love - a year apart didn’t seem that bad. He began struggling with depression. Last week he broke up with me, asking for space to get the help he needs. He told me that he was 100% sure he’d be back for me when he was ready, and made multiple remarks about me being his future wife. I felt at peace - we had a kind and mutual breakup, and there was hope for a future. Four days later he has found a brand new girl and is proudly flaunting her on social media. I kindly confronted him about it, and he ignored me. I then blocked him on social media (not wanting to see them happy), and now he is angry. Why would he promise a future with me, if he has her? Why is he angry at me for blocking him? What do I do? I miss him, and it kills me to see him so happy with her.

So me and my gf broke up a month ago because I cheated. We have contacted each other a couple of times since the brake up. We even went to get a tattoo together, not something that meant something between us. I want to know what to do, I think and I'm afraid that if I do the no contact rule I will lose her for ever. I want your help with a tip on what to do. I really want her back. I have been needy and done all the mistakes that are described in this article but I'm ready to do the 30 days of no contact if that really helps or gives me a chance of getting her back.
Peter did a lot of studying of couple skills on his own via books and a website.  At the same time, he had a therapist for guidance when he felt stuck and to help him with insights and deeper subconscious change.  Finding a therapy professional to help you through this kind of crisis can be helpful, provided it is a therapist who helps you to see and rectify your relationship mistakes.
Me and my 2 years girlfriend broke up in August because she felt that I don’t need her. I basically do all the don’ts that were outlined. I was angry back then because she didn’t say the reason she wants to brake up. I did most of the deadly miskates you mentioned above i.e texting, begging, show affection, name calling. What can I do to win her back after what I did?
No matter how much you might love one another; no matter how close the both of you are going to get in your relationship, you should both still maintain your individuality. You’re still going to want to have your time to your individual selves. You will want occasional solitude and isolation. You will want to be left alone with your thoughts. And if he asks you for space, then you should always be willing to give it to him. If you don’t give him space, how is he ever going to miss having you around in the first place?

But I was seducing him first so he didn't have to build up of positive emotions leading up to the sexual encounter.. I just don't understand him. The day after he told me secrets about his friends and told me things we would have said in our relationship but not as exes... What if he recontacts me if he still is with his girlfriend? What if he recontacts me if it's over? I want him back, but I don't want to be that easy...
#8 You are at different stages of the relationship. There are varying levels of a relationship, and if you are on stage 10, but he is still stuck at stage 3, he may be pulling back because he just isn’t ready or capable of being where you are. There are all different reasons why people aren’t willing to commit. If he’s not and he senses that you are, he is going to try to pull away and find some space.

Once you’ve sent your insecurities packing, you’ll see that manipulation and passive-aggressive behaviour is so much harder than simply being the fabulous woman you are. You’re the girlfriend who supports her man, is fun to be with and always great in bed. Most importantly, you have your own life which you prioritise, giving him healthy space to appreciate just how high value you are.
Since men are by nature visual creatures who tend to be drawn to a woman based soley on the physical attraction and the chemistry he feels with her, many men tend to make poor, long-term dating choices. This type of attraction is understandable and should not be ignored when choosing a partner, but what most men fail to do is combine these biological feelings with what they require in a relationship to make them truly happy.
He was supposed to buy his ticket to visit, and he had not. When I got home he called me. When I asked if he was still visiting, he said he wanted more, he did not know me as well as he would like, the calls were not building the relationship for him and seeing each other once a month would not be enough. That day and that day only during our calls, I said I knew the two months would be hard, that we still should get to know each other, that it thought we were falling, and that I while not there, I could have seen him as my husband (not yet, but could see it). I felt confused as he had been leading, initiating most calls, was the one saying love you, and asking to talk. He said that I was great emotionally and verbally and he did value me. I finally said, I want you to have what you want and wish you the best.
When you go out or have new experiences, take pictures of your new and improved appearance. When you’re doing your favourite things, take a picture. You can also take pictures with your friends. Be happy. Then post on social media like instagram or facebook. This will help you attract new friends too! Your ex may or may not see these photos. Who cares? You’re enjoying yourself and you will attract more like-minded people. But please don’t post too much. Posting once every two days is a good amount to not annoy others while showing your amazing life.
I had gone on a rant in front of one of my guy friends recently about guys and their commitment issues, and much like many of the other guys who have had enough of my verbal assaults against men, he had decided it was time to pipe up. He decided to tell me how most men are approached by girls looking for commitment, why it doesn’t work, and how to get him to commit for real.
Hi I met this girl at work and we started dating for like 6 months she said she love me so much and she feels so comfortable and very happy with me and I felt the same way too, everything about us was good. We planned of living together and our future too, suddenly I just knew that she has a boyfriend for almost 3 years now. Few days ago she told me that she don’t wanna continue dating me bcos of her boyfriend. I really don’t know what to do at this time I really love her. I wanna know what should I do in this kind of situation?
Thomas Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell University has done quite a lot of research as to why it is better to treasure memorable and pleasant experiences rather than the material things we buy. There are many reasons for this as outlined in his study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.[3] Comparing possessions and looking at better objects after purchase can be demoralizing and ruin the initial pleasure we got when purchasing and taking possession of that new car, TV or computer.
Be optimistic; I'm a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone. Don't subscribe to the belief that you're going to spend forever alone or that true love doesn't exist — it does, it just takes work, which brings me to my last point: Be willing to put in the work. Successful relationships require both partners to put in a lot of effort; if you really love one another, it doesn't feel like work.
If you’ve been looking for dating tips that really work, then trust me to help you get the love life you deserve. Matthew is one of the world's most acclaimed relationship coaches and a New York Times best selling author. He was on the NBC show 'Ready For Love' and has helped millions of women across the world find what their heart has truly desired. Join Matthew and over 85 million women just like you to get the best dating tips online.

Me and my exboyfriend for almost 3 years, we even made plans for getting marry, how the ceremony was gonna be and even picked our Kids name in case I get pregnant in the future. He told me that has been texting with another women that he met on internet for over 7 weeks and he said that nothing happened because she lives in another state but still that he had thought about cheating on me. He told me that he can’t forgive himself for what he did to me and it seems that he also kind of lost interest in me because he says that when I text him or call him he preferred doing something else than that until I call him again and then he will pick up the call. Because of work I moved to another country till February of next year and we were working pretty good in the long distance relationship and planned that once I was done with that we were gonna move together. He says that he still loves me but that what he did to me is not fair, that the name I started dating years ago was a good guy that was always proud of himself about being a good boyfriend and now he doesn’t wrong why went wrong. He asked me for some break time and when I asked how long I have to wait, he said that he doesn’t know and that I should keep living my life. I still have my personal belongings in his house so anytime I’m gonna have to talk to him about it. I still love him even with what he did to me and I knew he was depressed so I kind of understand but I don’t know what should I do. I’m going back on May 2019.
Mindy eventually started no contact and decided to heal. Before contacting him again, we made sure that she has the right mindset about this. That she wants him back but does not need him. That if they get back together, it will be a new relationship and they will have to take things slow from the beginning. That he needed to be a different person as well if they wanted to make it work.
well, i agreed (how could i not, he’s cute ;) ). i wasn’t sure if he’d show up. but he did. he did cook n it was awesome. during the party he asked me not to leave the city. when i told him i had no reason to stay back. he said there may be now. so we saw each other everyday after that. went out . he really took care of me, shared about his family. we really like each other. he even said lotta times he really liked me and that he was sad i was leaving. asked me to stay, coupla times. but i really needed to leave. he even came to see me off. things changed totally after i left. he did not call. when i did, he spoke normally and said he had been caught up. later after a week or two, he did nt show any interest to call. so i stopped calling too. once i called him n asked what was goin on. to my surprise he said we enjoyed together. but he cant do long distance. I’m flabbergasted how can anyone just shut off things just like that. was he pretending all the while?
I know that what this article writes it’s true. At the same time, do I really want a person with which I have to lie about my true feelings? I am very intense, passionate, and so talk a lot about what so feel and what ai think. I feel hurt of I am not in his priorities, if he never calls me or if he says he is not sure of what he wants. Of course it would be better for the lenght of the relationship stay quiet and wait. But would I feel really fullfilled and loved just tolerating?
We both met through gay dating app in Feb-2018 and loved each other for 3 months and both used to express our love indirectly where my boyfriend used to like me a lot and used to chat with me daily with lot of interest and enthusiasm and use to share his pics where he goes and use to say everything. And we celebrated the first two months anniversary too . In 4th month that is in May-2018 i expressed to him directly that i love him and he said i liked you as a friend and but i could sense at that time he likes me but not expressing. Slowly he lost interest in me and but used to chat with me daily.

My girlfriend of 2 years dumped me in August 24th, basically because we had no communication. I didn't make the mistakes and give her space. Two weeks ago she text me saying she misses my dog and ask to see him. She keeps texting me bringing some dramas as well, but I'm not reacting at all (maybe because I don't care). The fact is, I still want her back, I just find It's hard to contact her because she is already contact me. I feel like she's testing me. What can I do? ps: I'm in 40 days of no contact
I had a strong feeling for someone that I met on a dating site. He was witty and sharp. He came to meet me and it went well…he was a 2-hr. drive from me. It wasn’t so much an issue, we both felt….we kept calls and texts going. Soon, when I wouldn’t go to him on the lake (it was late and quite a drive at night), he began small, almost veiled pot-shots at me. It continued for one more text the next day, and I lowered the boom. Said that I was prob. falling in love with him and he was being hurtful…he immed. called and told me he “couldn’t do love with anyone.” “Could we just continue as we were?” I said not, that it would hurt too much. He turned on me and would never communicate again. Any thoughts?
I stayed up late last night to read your words. I was searching for some consolation to a negative thought in my head, and I found it. And here you are again today. You nailed it. Only through extreme heartache, researching yourself, and learning the lessons can you truly appreciate your eloquently written words. You are so highly skilled. What a gift. You found your calling. Ox

Look, I know how hard it is to not contact the one person on this earth you want to see and speak to more than anyone else. I fully get it. But just because we want something doesn’t mean it’s in our best interest to go after it. It’s like going to the gym. Sometimes it’s really hard to summon the strength to get yourself there, but you do it because your goal is to be fit and healthy. Here, your goal is to get your ex back and have a healthy, loving, mutually fulfilling relationship. That can only come about when you’ve taken time to gain clarity and perspective.

If when you're apart you're doing the following things: tagging him in photos on Facebook, sending him a Snapchat every ten minutes to get his attention, texting his friends to see what they're up to, or posting pictures with other guys on Instagram to make him a little jealous... he's not going to miss you. He's going to get frustrated and want to be away from you.
It can feel like you’re a contestant in the Miss America Pageant when you first start dating a guy. You think things are going well, but with dating app FOMO being a real thing — you know: the fact that a guy has at his fingertips an unlimited number of women to choose from, even if they wouldn’t choose him — you feel the need to step up your game so that you take first place in his heart and mind.
You should stop begging or acting desperate in wanting her back because all you're doing is pushing her further away and scaring her off. If she really has someone she likes now and intends to pursue it, there isn't much you can do but to go into no contact and start working on recovery first before you even consider an action plan to win her back.
I honestly think that it’s Bill to say its natural for a man to pull away. Ladies if this is a continuing behavior, pout your foot down, thou don’t deserve to be treated like a doormat for him to wipe his get on when he feels comfortable. This way of thinking is saying that its acceptable behavior and we should coddle tnen when they decide to cone around… This is ridiculous and we’re living in a new she of sissyfied men. If I want to coddle something I’ll grab my cat. Step into this mellinium please and stop making men the victims of their selfish behaviors its sickening! Men aren’t children and shouldn’t be treated as such. If they want the relationship they’re in, if not pack sand, have a great life and good luck finding a woman who will out up with that behavior these days.
Remember this step– and really this whole process– is about you. Yes, it is also highly likely that this step will make him miss you, but again, that’s not the focus. Your focus should be on getting to the best possible headspace and having the best possible mindset so you are your best possible self. That is the foundation for lasting love, not tricks and gimmicks.
Similarly, Ive seen my brother go through something similar. He did the exact thing with his current girlfriend, he moved out for a week to retreat after a minor conflict, and she was so upset, leaving presents at the door and calling me to find out if he was ok etc. I had to tell her to stop and give him space. He came around, I didnt pressure him and didnt go into it much. But the up side is that he’s still with her now.

If you think that by being friends with your ex, you can stay in their lives and hopefully get back together again, you are just plain wrong. By being friends you are not giving yourself and your ex enough time and space to heal. Not to mention, you will probably end up getting friendzoned by your ex. You could end up listening to your ex complaining about their new lovers (cue : Ex-girlfriends)  or they might propose being friends with benefits (cue: Ex-boyfriends).

I honestly think that it’s Bill to say its natural for a man to pull away. Ladies if this is a continuing behavior, pout your foot down, thou don’t deserve to be treated like a doormat for him to wipe his get on when he feels comfortable. This way of thinking is saying that its acceptable behavior and we should coddle tnen when they decide to cone around… This is ridiculous and we’re living in a new she of sissyfied men. If I want to coddle something I’ll grab my cat. Step into this mellinium please and stop making men the victims of their selfish behaviors its sickening! Men aren’t children and shouldn’t be treated as such. If they want the relationship they’re in, if not pack sand, have a great life and good luck finding a woman who will out up with that behavior these days.
The fact is, if your ex starts dating someone else soon after a breakup, then it’s definitely a rebound relationship. And rebound relationships never last. In fact, it just means that after you broke up, your ex had a huge hole in their life that they are trying to fill with someone new. In many cases, they rush into it too soon and things get too serious really fast. There is nothing to worry about as the faster it moves, the faster it will end.
If he wants to go out with his friends or for a poker night then let him, you’re not his mum. Show him that it doesn’t bother you if he goes out with friends, you’ll have a nice cozy night in watching movies and enjoy time to yourself. Your life doesn’t revolve around him and you need to show him that you are a strong and clever woman who can take care of herself. And anyhow, would you like it if someone stopped you from doing the things you like to do? I’m guessing the answer is no, so don’t stop him.

When you’ve won his affection, you don’t want to give up all of your time for him. Your man is not going to miss you if you’re constantly available. Instead of spending the whole weekend together, take a night off and go out with your friends. Not only will it make your man miss you, it’ll keep you sane. Don’t worry about him enjoying the free time. Your man may seem to enjoy the time alone at first, but eventually your man will crave more time with you. Of course, giving him space to enjoy his alone time is going to make you look confident and less clingy. Guys really like it when the girl they’re interested in isn’t always in his business. Give him his space and he’ll be calling you up in no time to hang out.


Once you've faced your fear of being partnerless, then, and only then, can you know if you genuinely want your relationship back. "If you only miss your ex when you feel lonely, or when you compare your life to those of friends in relationships but not in moments when you feel happy and confident, it won't make for a very fulfilling relationship down the line," Dr. Bockarova says.
I dont know what to write to him! NC is almost over and he has no social media so he has no idea what I’ve been doing. He also hasn’t contacted me which is okay. I’ve jotted down tons of ideas for my first email to him but I’m very scared. Hes always suspicious of people so I dont want to sound too needy or like I’m trying to use him. He might think if I’m messaging him a month later that I want to use him…hes stubborn as hell as well.

Hi Lauren, this couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. My boyfriend of 7 years, broke up with me a week ago. I have read most of the Mars Venus books and am currently reading Mars and Venus: Starting Over. I'm not ready to give up on the relationship, he is my everything. He claims, he's afraid of commitment and that I can't make him happy for the rest of his life, but also claimed I'm perfect and don't need to change at all. Gave me the "it's not you, it's me" thing. I still have hope that if I give him his space he will change his mind and I'm not to the point where I can think about him not changing his mind, that is too hard. I have broken down and texted him a few times and told him how I was feeling. I stopped talking to him over the weekend and on day 4, I woke up to a text from him. It wasn't anything about us, just a video of a silly dog. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if he still cares? Is it just the friendship he misses? He claims I'm still his best friend. I can't be friends with him, I'm still in love with him. I know every situation is different and you ultimately can't tell he what he is thinking, but I guess do you think if I give him his space, he might come back? ...
Heres the thing, I had been an addict for the last 7 years, and I hid it from everyone, especially him. But it dominated my life and I know that it affected how his feelings developed. I wouldn't spend the night at his place bc i need to come home and get high. I would show up late to things bc I would be getting high until the very last second. Addicts don't care about anyone but themselves, and I never put in the effort to making him happy. He never knew how bad it was, and I don't think he even knows how it affected the relationship, but I do.
You're right about everything you said here related to working on yourself and acknowledging the issues from the relationship. As for soul mates and twin flames, another more general term for these things would be how meaningful the relationship was in general. If it was a meaningful one, it wouldn't be so easy for one person to simply let go of the other person, despite how things may have scaled towards at the end of the relationship.
The process of getting back with an ex is not always easy. If it was you wouldn’t be doing research on the internet and you wouldn’t seek the help of relationship experts. One of the most challenging aspects of this process is the need to be self-critical and to constantly ask yourself the right questions to make sure that you act the right way and not fall into any of the pitfalls along the way.
Why is it that men get to retreat when the tuff gets going? Sure I want to run away from my problems in life too but I don’t.ever! I don’t need to find an excuse or make one because I get scared, then retreat like I’m some little baby. No one has that right, put ur big boy/girl pants on and be a responsible, and dedicated person to the choices you made with ur life. I am so sick of people retreating because they get scared. Get over yourselves.
So basically I met someone, we got on really well, we had a connection and after a week I went to America, once I went to America, things went a bit weird. When I got back he wouldn’t meet up with me because he said he had a lot going on in his mind. Anyway after a month coming back, we met up, we slept with each other, I gave him massages and etc, things were still weird, met up again and slept with him again and now he’s kinda backed off. Like one min he’s okay and one min he’s really cold towards me. I used to ask him what’s the sketch with your ex, he used get so defensive about it. I’ve only known him since mid March but I was so fond of him and feel so down. Please can you give me advice? He hasn’t contacted me since couple of days.
After only a 2 month relationship, is it possible to get him back? or is it just a fling? I totally get what you mean about 30 days to miss you and such, but 30 days of no contact seems like a lot considering it would be half the time we were together. He is definitely moved on, he was back on Tinder the day after we broke up. He's been polite and kind in the few times I've reached out since, but I can tell he definitely has no interest anymore. I just can't shake the feeling that no contact won't work in this situation. He has no reason to dislike me or anything, but Im sure he just sees me as someone who he wasn't ultimately compatible with. I'm not sure time apart would change that.

So true! You can’t coerce someone to be with you. When a guy wants to be with you they just will. That is what happened with my current boyrfriend. We dated before and he didn’t want a commitment. We broke up and dated other people. We started talking again after many months of being apart, became friends for some time and began spending more time together. It naturally came together well and after time we verbally agreed that we were together and just wanted to be with each other. End of story. It’s very simple.


Everyone recognizes when someone has an agenda, it’s just something our intuition picks up on and it immediately puts us off. Think about how you feel when someone approaches you and tries to sell something. Your first instinct is typically to get far away from them. It doesn’t matter how nice and friendly they are, you can’t trust them because you know they want something out of you.
“A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is a natural cycle. As men experience this instinctive urge to fulfill their need for independence or autonomy, they pull away much like a rubber band that is stretched to its limit. Like the rubber band, a man has nowhere else to go but back. When he has done so, like the rubber band, he will return with a lot of power and spring. If a woman expects her partner to be close and intimate all of the time, the rubber band will turn limp and flaccid. His power and strength, like the rubber band, is gone. Simply put, if a woman quietly accepts her partner’s instinctive urge to pull away, she will be rewarded by his eventual return.” ~ John Gray
I havnt texted him since nor have he reached out. Sigh I guess blow this , What to do now, surely feeling stuck to win him back. I shouldnt have done the letter because now he knows I want him back sigh this sucks. Not sure how to reverse that either. Timeline of contact & no contact. After the break up we went one week no contact and the week after that on a Monday I initiate contact so that he but his half the pay the bills. The Tuesday he initiated contact that he have paid his half. It was more a business conversation. On Wednesday was my birthday and he initiated contact through text to enjoy my day On the 22 he initiated contact that he was coming by the house, I didn't answer and 29 of November he initiated contact again Stating he was coming by the house I didn't answer. The reason I didn't respond was because he at the time he had my house keys so he had access, whenever he wants. He sent another text on the 29th Asking if I had paid a bill only then I respond. During this same week, I knew he was angry since his coworker told me that they didn't kiss, since her called got transferred to my phone and I ask her and she told him that I ask her. He then called me 7 times back to back but I didn't answer. I went 2 weeks no contact although he was the one to contact. On the 1st December I initiated contact asking if we could talk just to tell him what's going on that when he came to the house for the clothing. Since Monday December 5 2016 he haven't reach out and so I sent a text 10 December "you are truly one for a kind, unique in every way. I am so glad I met you because there is nobody else like you in the world" and today I2 December I sent " You changed me in positive ways that I am still just starting to understand" I got no response, should I cut off contact, or have I just blow my chances of getting him back. Sigh Add a comment......
It's been a week since me and my ex girlfriend broke up. We had time issues. We used to call/text and all of the sudden, she rarely reply my texts and chats. If ever I receive reply from her, it's just a single reply and I felt that she's cold. She said she's busy and tired. We argued because I said that that I want her time as well. I asked time because I miss her. Then she broke up with me. Her reason is I don't give her time to spend with her friends and she's tired of me for not trusting her.
Im in the current situation right now… He wants space for me being paranoid for past few weeks.. I really dont know wat to do, he is so busy and stressed from work.. He asked for space, i ask him if he is breaking up with me he said no he just need time and space for the meantime… Need your advice please… I dont want us to be apart i really love him..

In other words: he becomes the center of your world and ultimately, that makes him even more distant. When a man senses that you’re so invested in him and how he feels about you, he becomes turned off. He was attracted to you in the first place because you had a life outside of him. He loved the fact that you made yourself responsible for your own happiness.


I broke up with my ex approximately 3 and a half months ago. About 5 weeks ago she began dating a new guy and apparently things are perfect between them. I want her back. I realized that I’d be missing out on the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. She and I had something great and I was just too immature to realize what I had. I tried reconnecting with her 2 weeks ago for about 10 days and it went horribly. During this time she would tell me constantly how well things are going in her new relationship and post her happiness on social media. I’ve been through the begging, nagging, desperation and buying gifts staged as they’ve gotten me nowhere and now am in the No Contact phase however she’s called me 3 times in a weeks time and each time blaming it on an accident or her phone messing up. She will not try to continue conversation or anything even after I’ve texted her the obvious, “I’m here for you if you need a friend or anything” and “Is everything okay”, so I guess I keep resetting my progress for the No Contact phase. What do I do next? The only thing I want in life is to have her back.
Tell her in person. Set a time to meet in a public place, or a place that you know she'll feel comfortable in. When the time is right, say: "I know I made some mistakes during our relationship, and I wanted to take full responsibility for those. I shouldn't have done [whatever it is you did] to you, and I feel horrible now. But the biggest mistake I made was losing you. I don't expect anything from you, I just want you to know that."
Reason #4. If you really managed to get back together right now, do you think your relationship would last? It is very unlikely. Neither of you would have changed your behaviors and bad habits. You will just repeat past mistakes. You might be able to force yourself to behave differently for a few weeks but then when things settle down, you go back to your old habits. Then you break up and you will then need to start the grieving process all over.

And next week in dating app i created different account and i played prank & manipulation with him for fun and got to know so many unknown things from him. And after that for one week i did not replied for his texts and call and he has unfriend me in Facebook. After few days in July first week i replied to him and said sorry for not replying to your calls and texts and also played prank and asked him to meet casually and he said i will let you know. But it did not happened. Again on 9-Jul i called him and said want to talk with you due to signal issue we couldn’t talk and He replied in whatsApp that he will call or message to me but he has not done anything so i did NC(No Contact) for 25 days and in that period i changed myself and understood so many things & mistakes what i have done.
If he has met a rebound, he would care less instead about you coming to pick your things, but the fact that he reacted this way means there's a hint of feelings remaining (whether it's positive or negative is yet to be determined) and does not seem ready to face you yet. Perhaps continue to keep things on a casual note, and subsequently first address the relationship and why it failed before proceeding with collecting your stuff or meeting him.
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. When we started dating we were both so happy. But last summer my father got diagnosed with cancer and I had a hard time dealing. He died this spring. I was more angry than sad for his loss, cut ties with my friends, got insecure. My boyfriend was very supportive. But I relied only on him to make me happy, complained that he did not show enough affection (even though he did more than enough, I was just afraid of losing him). Which ended in us having a big fight 3 months ago. We made up the next day, promising to work it out. So I started to get back in touch with friends, improve my mental health, plan dates for us. Then he went on a long-planned 3-week trip. We didn‘t text much during the trip and when he came back that didn‘t change. He didn’t even want to meet until days after he came back. He brought me presents from his trip - then broke up with me. He said he had thought a lot and he felt like I needed more affection than he could give. He seemed genuinely sad and torn. I texted him days later, saying I was ashamed of my behaviour in the past, that I had already changed so much while he was gone. He answered that he had been happy with me too, but could not share his feelings with me and did not see a future for us anymore. But he would like to be friends, as we enjoyed each others company. So again I texted, that I was sorry his decision seemed best for him. That I knew I was egoistical im the past but had done everything I could to make him feel safe with me. He did not answer and I did not text again.
He says that he was not comfortable being at his trueself with me. we were in a relationship for 3 years and now he says this.He's way too inconsistent about his thoughts and gives a list of reasons for the break up and he wants to be only FRIEDS with me at least for a while. it's been almost 4 months since we broke up, I've been pleading him all this while and today I decided to Start No Contact period for at least 2 - 3 months until December. Kindly help me in getting him back. I'm very much serious about this guy.Also please Suggest me if i'm doing it right.
Does this work on a homosexual relationship? We had been together for two and a half year yet most of the time we were having ldr relationship, we were really far apart as she’s in Europe and I’m in Asia. We broke up one week ago and she said she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. She’s gonna come back at the end of the year. Is it still possible to get her back?
I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn't love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn't find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it's business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn't paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn't look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn't get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend. My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn't holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so ..
We spoke this past Sunday after not talking for two days and we both agreed on being friends and taking it slow. We both agreed that it didn't feel right to just say bye to each other like that and that we both mean way too much to each other. She doesn't wanna deal with the stress of relationship expectations right now. I just need to earn her trust again and take it day by day. I dont think she doesn't want this. She just wants to be 100% sure. The same way she's gone about us the last 7 months which sucks because all that trust I earned was somewhat lost. I told her if we gotta start over I'll do it. Im just happy she actually heard me out. Felt like she really did miss me and wanted to work things out. She just wants to be sure it'll never happen again.

I hope you can help me with this. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now. Things started out great but the last couple of weeks I’ve been kind of moody and on edge due to stressing over finding a job. This weekend I tried to get him to stay with me but he said he would have to work, but wasn’t sure about Saturday due to a possible lack of a ride. So I asked him if I could pick him up Saturday or if he wanted to wait to see me till Sunday. He told me he would just see me Sunday that he didn’t know if he had stuff to do Saturday. Is it possible that I’ve been pushing him away and he’s wanting space or looking to break up with me, or am I just over thinking this whole thing?
So, let’s start with why this has become such a common trend in our 21st century of dating. Now more than ever, men are finding it hard to commit to a woman. This is especially true when there are so many outside sources that hinder commitment and so many women who are not being authentic and true to who they are and what they want. It’s like this saying I heard a while back. “Once sex got easier to get, love got harder to find.” This may be true to an extent and we can discuss further why.

Break ups aren’t easy and that fact is all the more true now, thanks to social media. It can be a really painful experience logging onto your profile to discover that you ex has been having seemingly the time of their lives, whilst you’ve been locked up at home missing them, but you don’t have to settle for that. You don’t have to be one of those people who watches from afar, as their ex takes off and never looks back.


This doesn’t mean doing exactly what she says or not putting your own point of view across, but hearing where she is coming from and responding in a way that she feels acknowledged and respected. And this must be reciprocated of course. This is the best place for solutions and compromises to be reached instead of built up tension and potential arguments.

Where the problem lies in attracting their ideal mate is not having a clear vision of the kind of person that they are attracted to and not settling for anyone that doesn’t fit the description of the woman of their dreams. My suggestion is that you should have the kind of woman you’re looking for very clearly written down in every detail: personality traits, physical attributes as well as religious beliefs if that’s important to you. From there you have a physical manifestation of your ideal mate. She’s no longer just an idea or a desire in your heart. You’ll find that she’ll literally show up in your life.
Hi Lauren again... Well, quite some time passed by, we broke up 3 and a half months ago. I did try all this what you recommend here: waited, wrote the apology letter, asked him if we could talk about what could I have done better. This is what happened: we met for a coffee and had a good talk, just general catching up and casual subjects, however he didn't mention anything about our relationship and I didn't want to push him. It was a friendly time, with some sparks still there. Then we continued in email, I asked him again about what has gone wrong between us, to which he responded that it was mainly about HIM: he was too stressed about certain things in his life that had nothing to do with me. And mentioned a couple of concerns about me, but they were not anything serious. Then HE suggested that we should meet and discuss it, he will be happy to see me - but another month passed by and he didn't seem to be able to fit me in his extremely busy work schedule and stress and I indeed knew that they had something going on in the company. I was very understanding and not pushy at all. Maybe I was way too patient and gave him too much time: tonight, I saw him with another woman, walking in town, holding hands... Now, we will still meet once, because I forgot something at his place. I am totally clueless of how to behave toward him. Shall I pretend that I don't know anything and wait till he brings up that he already has somebody else, or shall I confront him? The worst thing is that he is one of the last men on Earth I would expect to be dishonest. What shall I do now? Now I am close to 50 and I have never been so happy with a man than with him, in fact, he was the first one I could have imagined to grow old with, and he used to be also very happy and planning a wonderful life together. And now I am in quite a shock. Thank you in advance! ...
There's always a chance to win her back, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Spend this time focusing on yourself and improving aspects of your life that can be worked on, essentially, become an improved version of yourself. Regaining her trust is definitely no easy task, but as long as you are consistent in your effort and the relationship she shared with you was a meaningful one, there's always a possibility where she comes around.
Answer: Stop trying to make something happen when it isn’t right. Most women who find themselves in this position know in their heart that something isn’t right. Instead of pursuing him to find out what’s going on with him, it may be time for you to find that person inside of you who knows you deserve someone who is completely into you, not just staying to avoid hurting your feelings. [Read: 16 signs it’s time to move on and end the relationship]

Me any ex dated for over a year. He recently stopped communicating with me about four months ago. He will not give me a reason to his decision. I’ve begged and pleaded the last four months. He responds periodically but will not answer directly if he has broken up with me. My question is simply “are we done” “are we not dating anymore” etc. he never responds to those questions of why but if I say good morning or something general he will respond (sometimes) but takes hours to do so. I’ve just recently started to use the no contact rule, since yesterday. I do desire to be with him but I’m so emotional and I think I need to get myself together and calm down. I imagine he has started a relationship with someone else but he won’t answer that question either. Do you think it’s a chance after the 30 days that this situation has a chance? I will with all my might not contact him and work on being stronger regardless if we rekindle or not. Our relationship was good, not strong though we’ve never had major issues I do realize the lack of communication with each other if there were issues. What are your suggestions to this? Thank you
Here is the thing. You want to focus on you not only because this is healthy which is the main reason and you’re putting yourself first but by putting yourself first he will want you more. There is a deep desire for people to be with someone that puts themselves first. I would not only follow his lead. Make sure you are not too available in the process and really schedule time for you. Then take control back a little bit so you can eventually see where this is headed.

Thank you very very very much for the advice! Everyone: follow this advice exactly and there is not a chance you’ll not have the desired result! Actually I’m a mum and used this article to advice my girl who was separated and very miserable She followed exactly what I told her and I prayed it would work as I had no experience at all It worked!! It worked great actually and under the worst circumstances!! Thank you is not enough really!


The penis gets all the press, but men have many erogenous zones, just like women, says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. They just don't tell you to move your hands elsewhere because they're afraid that if they do, women will shut down and not touch them at all, she explains. "But there are many places a woman should touch, like the chest, inner thighs, and face," Schaefer adds. Another key move: Gently gripping a man's testicles, as it can be a real turn-on that blends control with release. You can also stimulate the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, which heightens pleasure during oral sex.
Your first instinct is probably to talk all night and fall in love with his charming voice all over again, right?  Wrong move.  Besides calling too soon or calling too much, the next mistake a woman makes is to talk too much rather than ending the conversation a little sooner than usual.  In fact, if you really want him to miss you end the conversation first and don’t let it drag on until you get back that intimacy you lost.  He doesn’t deserve that intimacy, not right now.
In my personal life, I meet all sorts of people.  Some people are easy and fun to be around … I can spend hours with them, talking about things, laughing about things, and just genuinely enjoying their company. Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them. I would have just as much fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.”
So, I met him accidentlly one night on the way to a friend’s place after a party. th is guy’s bike had broke down n he also had bruises on him because had slipped. i asked my friends to stop to help him. my friends helped him n I, God knows why, invited him over to my friend’s place, one of the reasons may be because it was late at night and he stayed close to my friend’s place. He accepted. We hit it off right away. we stayed up all night, all of us and talked. next morning he also stayed back for breakfast. he randomly gave out his #. but i did not save it. instead one of my friend(guy) did. I was leaving the city pretty soon. so, my friends and i were planning for house party at my place. he offered to come, too and suggested he’d cook as a thank you for helping him.

So me and my ex were in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I was in my career and he was just finishing up school. We met in another state and have always been long distance. So when he graduated, im thinking that we would finally get to be together. Wrong, he broke up with me. His words were im not leaving you, im leaving the relationship. I still love you and still feel the same, I think that we need to just be friends" So basically needing time to get himself together, which I can respect. At first, I was pleading, then I told him I couldnt be friends. Then, I said yea im ok with being friends because there was so much going on in both of our lives that I feel like I wanted to still be apart of. So for about 5 days after that our only contact was words with friends (Scrabble). The game has ended and now we are officially in the no contact part. He still has our pics up on his page and last time we talked 2 weeks ago, we both said "I love you" before we got off the phone. I really believe we were the two right people at the wrong time. Its almost been a month and each week gets easier. He was my first love and my best friend. This article was nice, my only confusion is you said Id reach out to him after the no contact rule, but most advice Ive gotten is "He broke up with you, You should wait until he hits you up". Im new to all this heart break stuff. He was my first and Im still at the point where I want him to be my only one. Thank you!


#8 You are at different stages of the relationship. There are varying levels of a relationship, and if you are on stage 10, but he is still stuck at stage 3, he may be pulling back because he just isn’t ready or capable of being where you are. There are all different reasons why people aren’t willing to commit. If he’s not and he senses that you are, he is going to try to pull away and find some space.

In short, when you see that your crush or boyfriend is pulling away, you pull away too. Do not contact him. Concentrate on your own growth, reflect on what you’ve learned from the dynamics of the relationship and move forward with your personal goals. Be clear about your expectations and your needs. If they aren’t met, then move on and see if he’ll ever come around… Because if he doesn’t, I am sure someone else will!
Hi i just broke up with my bf and he came back and say sorry swear to change but i totally shut him off I'm still ego than i realize that i need him over everything. And I'm begging him this time but he already had a rebound love. I came to him and he said he love me things could change if i admit earlier. Cause he said he cant leave that girl bcs he isnt that type of man that leave girl when he already give hope. But before i go back he give me a ring. And i dont know how to react. And he even contact ne until now. Saying if i found someone new and have i still wearing the ring. I was like, what's the point all of this? Do he love me still or not. And i dont understand what should i do. I want him back but I'm not sure what to do. So pls help 😭
Remember that communication is key to building healthy relationships, so ensure you figure out what each other wants before taking things further. This isn’t to say that you should turn up in a white dress, as if you’re auditioning for Frozen: The Musical (you know it’s happening), on the first date. However, as you’re getting to know someone and during the course of your relationship, you need to ask questions pertaining to your future and whether you want the same things in life?
Wrong. The truth is, your girlfriend wants to be important to you, but she also needs you to have other activities in your life that don’t include her. Because, if you’ve made your life all about her, it’ll be a case where she sees that she’s 100% won you over. Women get bored of men they’ve won over fully. Why? It makes them think maybe they could do better, and that’s the last thing you want your girlfriend thinking.
I never dated this guy but we had a fling for over a year now and we both established that we liked each other but agreed that we shouldn't date just yet. one day out of the blue, he starts ignoring me and completely cuts off contact. he seemed annoyed by me so i stopped contacting him too. it's been 5 months now but i still want him to talk to me like he used to and keep this fling going that could eventually end in us dating. should i just let it go or should i reach out to him? and how could i reach out to him without making it seem awkward or desperate?
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