I enjoy hearing the logical re enforcement of taking an active part in "being" an responsible adult. I personally had spent half my life focusing on the behaviors of others and wondering where I was going wrong. When I started focusing my critical lense on my part and practicing how I could better the situation; the he said, she said, the score cards, etc., mean nothing in the right perspective. When I kept an open mind, (without the "taking things personal" garnish on my "daily soap" dish) it was easy to approach the situation somewhat detached. Without the emotional muck I could literally see, deal with the pattern and understand why this is knocking at my door. Co-existing was never meant to be flawless.
If you do it properly, using a text message to get your ex back could prove to be successful. Ideally, it should be used in addition to traditional methods of getting back together. A text at the right time could be a plus when you’re taking the necessary steps to once again win the heart of your ex, but just a text alone will be unlikely to do the trick.

I also want to know how to communicate with a man when he does something that we don't like..because I read that men doesn't like to have told what to do or what to not,then if he does something that I don't like,if I charge him for it then it will be accusing him and he may pull away eventually because it may show that I am needy but you tell me I am his girlfriend so I do have some rights,don't I? so,how come telling my needs make me needy? My head just blows away to figure out the balance..sorry for the long post,but I loved your article and hope that you'll make some time to reply...thank you😊


Work on your self-esteem. If you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.
You see, even though the prospect of grieving is overwhelming, your body is smart. It’s not here to let you fall into the depths of hell forever. It will help you balance out the pain with pleasure if you let it, if you grieve naturally. Remember, there is a lot to grieve in this life – even if you and I would prefer to conserve energy by blocking out the grieving process for seemingly ‘not grieve worthy’ stuff, like a man pulling away.
I am engaged to a man that I love with all of my heart. He went through a very difficult phase in his life, that changed him totally. He flirted with my best friend and my sister, but denies it. I caught him watching pornography, and he did try to deny it, but eventually confessed. Then we moved to another city and started a business together, and I thought he will show me the love and affection that he used to, but he doesnt and because of this we always end up fighting. I am not blind for his faults, but I love him so much. I have been fighting for this relationship for over a year. When is it time to give up and just move on???
In the dating world, I often see that one of the most common reasons men pull away is that they find the woman to be challenging, and she gives in because she likes him. She starts settling and making excuses for his lazy or inappropriate behavior. There are many times I see a woman dating a man, and he shows all the signs that he is not ready for a relationship with his behavior and his words. Instead of pushing yourself towards him in the hopes of changing his mind, I believe the right thing to do in this situation is to dig deep into your feelings. If you can control your feelings by maintaining a friendship, then go for it. (And I’m not talking about being “friends with benefits.”)

8 yrs and 2 kids and after every fight we have had he leaves and stays away for days to weeks.just 2 in a half weeks from today we fought and I know wat was that started the fight.i caught myself too fucking late he started changing I watched as he changed on me from 1 caring and loving he's trying bf to the imposter with the IDGAF and thinks u lying every time he asks u something attitude towards me.i was only supposed to get dropped of at the store and come back home with soda anyhow my son in laws friend was going that way and asked if I wanted a lift & that he going that way so I sedd yes my bf heard the whole conversation because he sitting beside me.he just shrugged his head and told me to hurry back ND I left with my son in laws friend ,I was wanting to go my sister's place to see her check up on her from time to time just in case she need anything. So he told me he had some business to handle not far from my sister's place and if I like he would take me to my sisters and go handle his shit it was going be fast kine he sedd so I told him shoots ND we did wat was planned take me to sisters ND he went handle his shit and wasn't fast kine either homie took almost 3 hrs before he pulling up my cup soda empty so I knew I was fucked late af for 1 and another 1 no soda and I got dropped off from the same guy I left with earlier.i went home and he sedd so wea the soda I told him sorry baby no moa me my sister and nephews drank it while waiting for my ride for pick me up.and he gave me 1 look das all I took was da look I seen um he attitude towards me change went from caring loving bf to 1 imposter with IDGAF and I lying Everytime he asks me anything attitude.after witnessing that I caught myself my actions that wasn't intentionally done to hurt him in anyway which it did hurt him I couldn't reach him he to far gone so we fought because of his macho attitude to me.and we had words with each other and like all the rest of our fights wat does he do LEAVE GRABS HIS BACKPACK N HES GONE,in that bag has everything he owns in it.he takes that bag every where with him.and he stays away no call absolutely no CONTACT with me and his children we have together I know wea he's at and all but that's besides the point u have a family at home waiting for you ND hes up at his comfort zone ain't losing sleep over his family at all.he acts as if he no moa a gf and 2 kids ND 1 house to go to.and instead staying in front of his friends property on the side of the road in his car that's wea my bf staying in his car at his friends house ND property.i always is the 1 to go to him and reconcile with him to come home then he'll come back home ND life goes on till the next fight we have he going stay away for 1 month now or longer I'm scared I really tried to keep in touch with him to apologize to him letting him know that I see my wrong and I'm owning up to it. I even wrote him a letter telling him sorry for my actions and how much I love missing him so much and how much his boys misses him to asks for him everyday and it's ok to come home so we can talk and left on his window wipers on his car.i know he got the letter from me.wat he does he ignores all my efforts of keeping in touch with him no response,he didn't even show up for our son's bday so sad that went hurt my heart.leaving me in 1 fucked and fucked up situation at the sametime tryna keep my shit together because of my children and keeping our the only thing we good rn which is our house that doesn't feel like home because now it's going onto 3 weeks in the matter of days now and he's still never come call nothing no contact at all.im scared and idk wat to do any more but I not giving up even though so badly I like just say fuck it and give up on him ND us.but I keep on fighting for him.by going to him almost like I chasing him.the moment I feel awkward I take off and I come back again another time till he wants to come home.idk why and I like to know why and how does he not worry about his family and not wanna check up on them.idk wat to do ND I not giving up but I out of options on approaching him on if he still wants me to be apart of his life I mean wtf please tell me something anything or u done 8yrs 2 kids how can u give up all dis and deahs no lady involve.he just chooses to stay away and I like know why I'm scared to go find out emotionally I not ready.plz help me I need some advice on wat kind of actions to take in my situation ND ur opinion on my problem with my bf having no contact with me N kids and chooses to stay away no contact.thank you


I need advice though. During one breakup he slept with someone else and came back saying how he realized he was in love with me etc. Although we were technically broken up we were still seeing and spending time with each other. Also being intimate. I’m really trying to move past this but his most recent pulling away has made me insecure and really psycho. We’re both older 39 and 41 professionals. His job is much more consuming and he has a lot in his life right now but says I add additional stress when really I just need reassurance (I know I have my own issues).
Im also experiencing this right now. I’ve been talking to this guy for a month. He texts and calls me everyday and after two weeks he said that he is falling in love with me. I told him that if I want to commit it should be with someone who is serious and for long term. He said he’s looking for the same too. And so we decided to meet and spend the day together. We were so happy and compatible. I felt safe and comfortable with him so I decided to get steady with him. Even it was time for me to go he’s still the same. Sweet and caring he even said that he wants to come and visit my home. Few more days and texting and nothing is changed he’s still the same guy I met so I was really worried when suddenly he stopped communicating with me. I let the 4 days passed without asking him what’s the problem. As I was so worried and confused I texted him like this ” I’m afraid my bf has been abducted by Pokemons. Do you know anything about this?” Just to make the convo light. Then he replied ” who are you?”. That moment I felt like my heart was torn into pieces. Here I was, so worried but then he just don’t care. I’ve waited a few days more and I asked him what’s the problem? He said that he’s been thinking if he’s the right guy for me cuz he has no direction. He doesn’t know what he wants in life and asked me if he is someone that I would like to spend my life with. He said that he love me but he’s too scared. I told him that love is a gamble. And I gambled for him and that I was really hurt by his actions. I even said that I thought we could achieve what we want together, but he didn’t say anything. I ended up the convo by saying that I will always pray for him and I wish that someday he would find what he wants in life and I hope he could find someone who would make him happy. He did not reply . So I guess that’s it. He pulled back and im not sure if I did the right thing. I think that he doesn’t want me anymore but I still love him and would be willing to figure out things together but it was him who gave up. I asked myself if I want someone like that I think I don’t. So yeah we broke up.
my bf left me for another girl.he keeps telling me that i am nothing to him.he wants to b with the other girl.he has no feeling for me anymore.this has started more than one year ago.by this time he also speak to me but not on his own mood or to rebuild our relationship.he does so becz i request him to be with me at least for some hours or some minute… we talk only 2 or 3 days per a week…but I can’t stay without him I want him back.plzz help me…if this is possible for me to get him back as my bf again??
Then we were completely out of each other’s lives. I stopped thinking about her entirely—save for those random moments I’d spot short brunettes reading on library stairs. I spent the next four years dating other people, with some hits and many misses. One woman stole a couple hundred dollars out of my checking account and got engaged to another guy while we were living together.
Now, a lot of men will not be in a relationship if they don’t feel secure within themselves. This is especially true if the woman is someone beautiful and independent. For example, a man may pull away if he is not financially secure at the moment. This is something that may help him feel superior, confident, and not wonder if he is good enough for you. Also, he may have certain health issues that he is not comfortable telling you about until he figures things out on his own. Another reason could be instability and or unhappiness related to his job. This can be an additional source of stress and men tend to feel as though they need to feel confident or protected with their primary sources of freedom: Money, Health, and Work.
Take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions without making value judgements – blaming and harshness only serves to make you more emotional. Learn to accept your own failings and inadequacies (if you really must use judgemental words). I think you’ll also benefit from reading my articles on how to deal with criticism and how to deal with rejection.

Men who pull away are often in situations in which they are playing the field and playing games with women’s emotions. This leads to instability right off the bat. This is where I like to take a moment to tell my coachees that even though they may be single and dating, not every man that they meet is going to have the same intentions. That’s why it’s important for you to love yourself fully, make sure you’re aligned with your goals and stay committed to your values.
Wow, the anger. No wonder you may be having relationship issues. It has nothing to do with lying or hiding true feelings. It’s about letting a guy have his space. If you come after me saying how horrible I am etc. etc. I will NEVER want to see you again. Nobody likes that kind of women, and no man wants to date his mother. Also pulling away is not “bad behavior.” Would you rather he spend time with you but verbally and physically abuse you? Bad behavior is if the guy is rude and abusive and mean, etc. Pulling away is a man’s way of saying “Look, I like you a lot, but I really need some time and space to sort things out.” If you can’t accept that not everything is rosy and happy all the time, and that if the man you “love” needs to pull away and you just bark and say “you’re behaving badly,” then you have no reason to be in a relationship.
However, the mere desire to get back with them won’t be enough. You must use impactful methods and tools to be successful at reconciliation. Coming up with what to text your ex back is just one way to do it or one aspect of many techniques that can be available to you. There are other tools that are equally effective and which can complement methods that you may already be using.
After my boyfriend of one year broke up with me, I could barely speak without crying. I felt blindsided and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I could get him back and the anxiety was unbearable. I booked a call with Coach Lee, not knowing fully what to expect but knowing I needed somebody who had been there before. I wanted our relationship back and so I wanted to make sure I had all the guidance and resources possible to do that. Coach Lee was simply wonderful. His presence is calming and I could tell that he genuinely cared. The things that he suggested I do to get [my boyfriend] back seemed difficult, but Lee warned me that they might be. But I knew I wanted to get him back, so I followed the plan that Coach Lee laid out for me. Within the week, we were back together and we are so in love! I know that it doesn’t always happen that quickly, but Coach Lee said he thought that, in my case, it could happen that soon – and it did! I’m so grateful and can say that if you have been broken up with and want to get that person back, Coach Lee is the best! I’ll never forget how much he helped me!   -Anna
Do not post negativity on social platforms. Firstly, your social media friends will see it as a big negative and any chances of gaining a new partner are gone but mainly when negativity is posted, it only brings a negative response or anger which may ruin any chances of ever having your ex back again. Another reason I personally do not encourage negative posts is it shows desperation and we don’t want this type of image or attention pointed towards us.
This is when I felt like I really met Mary. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t jealous, and I wasn’t distracted—I had a clear mind, and I loved her. She was the kind of girl I’d always call back, and always take out for dates, and always hold hands with. She’s the kind of girl I never want to be away from. I’d seen what life looked like without Mary (cue damp Jimmy Stewart shouting “Mahhhhrrrrrryyyyy, don’t you remember me Mary?” in It’s a Wonderful Life), and I had a new appreciation for her. I loved the person she had turned into: She had built a life for herself in New York and was the person I know she always wanted to be—she grew her bangs out, too, which I guess is a big thing for women?
I wouldn’t say that I am a workout fanatic or anything like that but I do love to work out. In fact, I try to get at least five workouts in every single week. And one of the hard truths that I have had to learn about working out is the fact that if you don’t have music playing in your ears while you workout it can be an extremely painful experience.
Hey, I have been dating this guy since 8 months. He was a roommate of my friend. He really liked me since day one he saw me. Then he tried to pursue me and observing for three months and after that he proposed me . We have age gap of 6 years. I am older than him but I told him everything about me since day 1. He had no Issues with that. Our relationship was really good until his mom came from India to visit him. He lost his father after we knew each other as friends for 2 months . He said now you are the only one for me and I won’t let you go in any circumstance. He once told his mother about our relationship over the phone and his mom disagreed saying don’t think about this now and it’s not possible you are too young. Now she is in USA for two months and completely refusing our relationship saying my boy is younger one and his maturity leveled are not developed and we lost his father and you are older this relationship won’t be allowed in our family and this is not possible. He is 27 years old. He has 3 years older unmarried brother. His mother is very controlling and because they just have lost their father in Nov-2018 , he is supporting his mother and broke up with me saying this is not possible. It was my mistake . Go marry someone else. But mind you he was the one who convinced me for his love and supported me till May end 2019 but after that he stopped taking stand for me and I tried a lot, convinced him, begged him but he is so sure not to return to me. I have tried this no contact rule since July 1st . It’s been 20 days. One time he texted me how are you on 15th of July and I replied not bad. He didn’t replied anything else after that. Now I guess his mom is going back to India . What should I do next?

Hi Chris my boyfriend ended our releationship because his mother came in between us he tried to get back together but she threatened to kick him out now he’s telling everyone it’s my fault as he paid for everything when we were together(he didn’t) I’m devestated because I love him and felt we had overcome so much and it is worth saving I’m in no contact and he’s now ignoring me anyway I don’t know what else to do and am hoping for a miracle


My bf broke with me on the 25/11/2017. he said that “The light of our relationship is dying” then we broke up. we dated before but he dumped me first then he actually fell in love with me, then broke with me after one month (he broke up with me right after my birthday which it’s on the 24th of November) we haven’t texted each other for about four months, but he’s still following me on apps. i really, REALLY love him. i also so hurt myself a lot during that time. i don’t know how to get him back. I’m crazy about him. We also made a promise a long time ago about getting married. We always talked about having children and what to name them. i just don’t know why he walked away from me
The next thing that you need to do has nothing to do with your ex directly. You need to work on yourself. Get to the gym, start running, find something new. Get new friends, and change up your life. You have to do this, so that the point where her friends chime in to see how you’re doing, they’ll relay to her that you’re actually not sweating the break up. Also, you’re going to actually help yourself, and perhaps find a way to your next relationship. You’ll be surprised by this completely.
Been trying to slowly get my long distance ex back since January, and we’re on speaking terms again now, and even though that’s a huge step forward, I still have doubt. He’s always been a kind of distant person, and since he first reached out to me like 2 months back, I have initiated all conversations since then. I’m suspecting that’s what you call the hot and cold-treatment? Still, I really wanna get him to open up and finally realize that he loves me after all. If y’all have any more tips, I’d love to hear them.

My partner and I have been together a little over two years but recently broke up (he broke up with me) and I want to follow all these rules, as I believe I am strong enough to do it and I absolutely want him back however we do currently live together and study at the same school. I’m living in a new town and don’t have any family or friends here so providing space is hard. What do I do???
“I feel great that I’m hearing from you again”…is that a joke? You DON’T feel great that they treat you like that. Don’t be a doormat, it’s NOT OK to leave someone hanging, & saying that just allows them to get away with that kind of behaviour and think shelving you like a toy til they feel like playing with you again is OK. You’re better off acting disinterested & telling them flat out sorry but I’m not into that kinda thing, so you’ll have to put more effort in if you want me to stick around or I’m just going to assume you’re not interested and move on with my life. Do not allow people to treat you that way and reward bad behaviour by getting excited & happy they suddenly decide to return. Be true to yourself.
If you are looking for a quick fix or some quick ideas for initiating contact via text, be sure to keep the language casual. Treat him like a friend that you just want to grab a quick bite or coffee with. Would you put so much pressure on wording a text to hang out? Give him the same lack of attention to detail. Keep it casual, cool. Maintain a good vibe and exude confidence in your indifference.
Let him go for the time being. If he really likes you, he will come back. Meanwhile, focus on yourself — exercise, go out with your friends, see your family, have a hobby etc. It takes your mind away from this guy and also strengthens you as a person. If he doesn’t come back, you just move on and become a better version of yourself. If he comes back, then you can re-evaluate if you actually want to be with this guy. The “pull away” downtime is good for both of you.
He knows I hate when he ignores me and sometimes I feel he does it purposely. It will only be a few hours so I know I’m also being irrational but during those times I completely get beside myself thinking he’s with the woman he slept with. Last night I went to his house and he basically kicked me out at 2am bc he was doing paperwork (taxes). He called me crackw%^*# and a liar, I’m not even sure why he would call me such filth and told me I’m too independent and I need to learn to be more submissive. Instead of arguing I should be making him dinner and cleaning his house. Other times he adores and worships the ground I walk on. This all started when I wouldn’t move in to his house bc I felt if he truly wanted to live together we could move into another house together. Plus he absolutely hates my dog, my apartment and basically everything I do. I ask him why he’s even with me if I have according to him so many “hang ups”. Advice please.
I’ve been with my ex for 4 years. My first love and vice versa, and we intently spoke about marriage. We broke up a year and a half ago because I was too stubborn to listen to him. He told me I needed to open up more, to communicate better but being an introvert this was extremely difficult for me…so he left. I’ve been trying really hard since and got better at it.
It’s tough for someone to nail down to source of feeling not OK, but they unconsciously latch onto things that will get rid of this feeling, usually through reassurance or trying to make situations come about that they feel will make them happy and finally grant them relief. This inevitably impacts your vibe, you become a parasite of sorts and everyone you come into contact with is simply a means to an end.
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I recently stumbled across your podcasts and blogs. My boyfriend recently broke up with me about 4 days ago. We had been long distance for 2 and a half years, just went on our first vacation together, and had already gone through some really difficult times with family issues. We were always there for each other, really good at communicating, being honest, making trips to see each other, and times to call and/or FaceTime. The past few months we had some issues, all small minor things, that seemed to be fixed and okay, but he said that the past few months made him unsure about closing the distance, the future, and just made him want to focus on himself. Even though we mutually called this a “break” we’re going through it like a normal break up. He said he didn’t want things to end horribly and wanted to be friends, and although he’s not sure if time and growth and fix the issues he’s not ruling out the possibility of us getting back together. I agreed and said that I do believe time, space ,growth and self reflection can really help focus on what to do differently, if we were to try us out again, and may fix the issues. Even with me saying that he agreed. We both shared such a special connection, and because of the family problems that happened, spending holidays together and going to each other’s college graduations, I do believe he just needs time to himself. His sister even told me she strongly believes he will come back and so many people have as well. The last text sent was me telling him I needed time before I could even talk to him, and it may take a while. He said he understands that and I understand he does not wan to be in a relationship at this moment and for a while. Even though it hurts, there’s something in my gut that keeps telling me that although I love him enough to let him go and figure himself out, he will come back. I don’t know when but I believe it. I’ve already started reflecting in a journal and writing down what I would work on in the future to make the relationship stronger and better. I really want him to come back, and I believe he will even though I know I have to tell myself that maybe he won’t. There’s already been so many signs I’ve been seeing that correlate with him and his interests that are telling me we’ll be okay. I’m not angry, and there’s no hatred towards him which is also weird. I’m glad he was honest with me now instead of further down the line like if we were visiting each other or something. I’ve been reading everything and I’ve started the no contact rule and although I heard he deleted pictures from our recent vacation he’s also been distant with things. I know this is a good time for self reflection on both individuals. I would love to try us again sometime and I do believe we could make it work.

My bf of five months is going thru a divorce. He broke up with me saying he could fall in love with me so easily but can't let himself and needs time to heal from his marriage. It is an increasingly messy divorce. He messaged the next day saying he has set up counselling and will sort everything out and then again to say he loved every minute with me and is sorry he's not himself right now. I told him to take the time he needs to heal and have been responding to his texts but am finding this all very had and confusing....
So an update, my boyfriend came back. It was a mix of everything that had piled up slowly in the last 6months that he didn’t deal with effectively. This isn’t such a surprise as he spoke about it a week before such as physical and mental long work hours, debts and family issues which he felt affected the quality of our relationship. He retreated to become calm and gain clarity. Mind you, this was a 2 week retreat with only 2 ‘I’ll contact you soon’ texts so I kept my distance. When he came back I was supportive and he opened up to me. So now he just needs some support and a clear path. The last thing I’d ever do is blame him for his absence while he is going through a vulnerable time.
So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.
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