Advice from a male perspective anyone? I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space and he respects mine also. When he’s a weekend away with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we made had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roommate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text today apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?
There was no “trick” to getting Mary back for good. Going through a tragedy had changed me. It was terrible, but it helped me grow the hell up, and by the time Mary and I crossed paths again, I was ready to be the kind of person who texts back and keeps plans and buys presents for no apparent reason. We don’t yell at each other in the street anymore, and that’s pretty cool.
I think you’re focusing WAY too much on him and what he’s feeling. You’re focusing on the fear you have of losing him rather than focusing on your happiness. You have to ask yourself how you feel about yourself in this relationship as is. Do you feel your confidence, or do you feel insecure? No man is worth being with if you feel insecure. And if you do feel it, you have to change your dynamic and approach so you can get that confidence back. A man LOVES a confident woman, and you’ll feel better about yourself being confident, anyway. The way to get confident and attract him or any other man to you is by focusing on YOURSELF. You need to make sure you’re happy on your own before you can be happy with a man. This doesn’t mean you need to be single to get happy—just have a fulfilling life for yourself outside of a man. Don’t let him be the ONLY valuable thing or person you have in your life. You need to be excited about more in your day than your bf. You have to have other things going for you that make you happy. Once you can sustain happiness without the need of a man, you’ll have your confidence and this will be attractive to other men (and possibly your ex). The key is to not lose the focus on YOU even when you do get into a relationship or the relationship deepens. NEVER lose sight of your happiness. You need to continue having a fulfilling life outside of HIM. Once you start losing that grasp on yourself and get more caught up within the relationship, you’ll start to depend on him for your happiness—and he’ll withdraw again. Even if he withdrew for other reasons, chasing after him as if you can’t live without him will only push him away further. If he is a good man who is emotionally available and TRULY wants you, I promise he will come back. You don’t chase him, you don’t contact him. Let him contact you. Give him the chance to miss you. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a year or more. It’s however long it takes him to miss you, IF he truly wants you (took my guy 8 months). In the meantime, you don’t wait on him. You focus on yourself and getting your happiness and confidence. Fill your life with people and hobbies you love. Try new things you haven’t tried before. Change jobs if the one you have makes you miserable. Do what you need to do to give yourself a fulfilling life. Make sure you have your days full of plans so you don’t give yourself the chance to sit and mope about your breakup. That’s not going to help you. You need to show yourself how great life can be, even if he’s not in it. If he never reaches out, then he doesn’t truly want you—and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want them? Don’t wait around for him. Focus on you. He will come back if he truly wants you, and you have to continue to focus on yourself even if he does. If he doesn’t come back, you’re going to be fine because you’re nurturing your happiness and confidence. PLEASE don’t lose sight of yourself, ever. It’s your golden ticket to happiness and to a great man who will love and respect you.
My boyfriend has serious depression and anxiety, he feels worthless even when i’m the one at fault. How do i make sure that he knows i won’t leave him? I’ve told him countless times and he says he understands but sometimes he’ll make a comment like “well this will cause you to leave me” or “you’re gonna leave me after I say this…”. I really need some guidence because we are the love of eachothers lives (both of us has said it and he said it first)
Keep him on his toes a little to make him wonder where you stand sometimes. Asking him what he is doing every minute of every day and planning things to do without giving him the opportunity to say yes or no can be signs you are becoming clingy and falling too easily for him. As we all know, it should be a mutual chase between the man or the woman. If the balance is off, it becomes too easy for him to take you for granted.
I know that what this article writes it’s true. At the same time, do I really want a person with which I have to lie about my true feelings? I am very intense, passionate, and so talk a lot about what so feel and what ai think. I feel hurt of I am not in his priorities, if he never calls me or if he says he is not sure of what he wants. Of course it would be better for the lenght of the relationship stay quiet and wait. But would I feel really fullfilled and loved just tolerating?
I am delighted that you have heeded my advice. I have read the list you have constructed and I am pleased to tell you that I agree with it. Communication helps a relationship grow stronger. Along with that, it is very important to spend time with each other. I highly appreciate your gesture of talking to me about the list. With it, you and your boyfriend will be able to go a very long way. As for the matter of a relationship consisting of two people I greatly admire the last line you have written. It is vital to keep certain issues and matters amongst yourselves. My best wishes to you both.
The therapy mantra is that the pattern is more powerful than the people. (Try sitting in someone else's seat at dinner tonight and see what happens – just make sure all the knives are out of sight). So rather than wasting your time worrying about who is right, use it to try and decode the dysfunctional pattern. Once you do, change it. A good way to do that is to talk about it (the pattern) rather than the people: "I notice that a lot of times that when if I ask if you could pick up your socks you say you will but then don't, and then I get annoyed and nag you and then you blow up. I'm wondering if we can do this differently." But even if you can't do that, for whatever reason, just try changing it and if you can, let the other person know your intentions: "I'm doing this because I'm worried that ________." The beauty of patterns is that if you hold your ground, the pattern has to change. You, all by yourself, become the change agent of the relationship. Certainly a good and important start.
Even though this one may be hard to swallow because we value ourselves so highly as women and no one likes a blow to the ego or rejection, it’s important to talk about. Often times a man will show you signals of commitment but not want to commit to getting to know you. There are two principal reasons for this. Either they just don’t have interest in you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, or you fell in love too easily and they lost interest in the chase of getting their “prize”. I will go deeper into the meaning of the chase and the “prize” as we move along this article.
my relationship was of 2.5 years.its been two months(breakup).reason was that i was saying him to take breakup because he was busy two three days.it was like three breakups in a week and then patchups becuz of me.i was always do this brkup dialouge when i was quarrelling with him.this time it gets serious.he is saying that there are 6-7 years to our marriage.it cannot get to the marriage like this.i am also an introvert type.this is also a little problem.my relation is long distant.we didnt meet.means breakup was on watsapp.
Know that it can take a long time to rebuild trust after cheating. Once one partner loses faith in their partner it can take years to regain the trust that was lost. Any time a cheating partner leaves the house meets up with coworkers, or texts someone new, feelings of jealousy and distrust are natural. Be prepared to work hard, and for several months, to rebuild trust after an affair.
When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.
Hi Lauren, I have a question that is related in a big way, but not too related in others. You mentioned the concept of men doing the pursuing and women doing the recieving. I'm on my 4th Mars Venus book - Mars and Venus on a Date - and I noticed that this is a huge theme in the book. So my question is: What do you do if a guy gives you his number and says "call/text me"? When I first met my ex, I felt like I was pursuing him a bit because this is the way he approached me. We met working on a project, but to build off of our newfound friendship I attempted to flirt and create the opportunity for him to pursue me. We dated for about a year and I thought he could have been the one - until recently when we hit a wall in communicating that I felt I had to end it (since then I've been educating myself through therapy and Mars Venus books!). But, while at the time I never questioned the success/failure in me doing some reaching out, looking back now I'm wondering if that's something I could have done differently? The problem is, I wouldn't know how! It's a tricky situation. What happened was, like I said, he gave me his number (without me asking for it) and said to contact him. So I did and it went well! Then for our first date, from what I remember, I suggested that it would be nice to get to know eachother more. He told me to let him know when I wanted to go out. I pushed back this time and insisted that he should be the one asking me out, but he refused. To refrain from more back and forth, I planned the date. After that he became much more assertive and started asking me out and presenting me with ideas. But I'll be honest, I was a little turned off at his insecurity at first. He later told me he wanted to ask me out but was just very nervous, so I decided not to dwell on it and just appreciate that it worked out despite how it happened. But because I didn't want to do the pursuing, how would I have gotten him to do it?
Even if a man is completely in love – it’s natural for him to drift away at times. There may be something he’s going through that you don’t know about, or he may be having a difficult time at work. The point is, you dont know, and there is more going on in the world than just you. If you feel it in your gut that you guys are still close, give it the benefit of the doubt.
2. After a brief trip down the road of healing past wounds, the next turn in how to fix a relationship is to explore new paths for your relationship – new ways of dealing with similar situations when they arise again in the future. For this part of your journey, remember to keep your eyes on the road ahead. What's done is done. This part of the journey is about creating a plan for a new, better future.
Thank you for reading this article and I am glad you found it interesting. There are several reasons why a man pulls away and stops contact suddenly without giving you any explanation. The important thing now, is for you to take time and reflect on this relationship. This time is for your personal growth and to rebuild your confidence. You are on the right path by working on your self and learning that you deserve so much more. I know that you truly care for him, because as you stated you have allowed him into your life several times. Keep busy and focus on what you need and try something new. I am not sure if you will ever understand why he became all talk and no action. Take this experience and grow from it so that you can have the healthy relationship you so deserve.
We broke up so sudden. I said one thing he didn’t like and it was like a switch. He had flipped just like that. Then all of a sudden all these problems he’s been thinking about has came up. I’m still trying to understand them. I’m still trying to understand which reasonings he said are actually true and which aren’t. It’s been 4 days, ive texted him once. No reply. I havent tried again, and I refuse to. I would hate to push him away further.
This article is completely speaking to my current situation. It definitely seems like my guy is pulling away a little bit, still answering texts and things but very barely, not making plans to see me this weekend, etc., but all of the signs up until this point were that he was very into me. I tried reaching out to him a little more than I usually have been in response, but I’m going to pull back a little bit and give him the space he needs and let him come to me as this article says.
good food for thought dave. my partner is 53 and divorced twice. so having his assetts split twice, and in second marriage time splitting with his son. i commend his bravery for taking the courage to still take the risk for seeking companionship with me. (who has also experienced both divorce once and child access splitting) we reassure each other that our assetts and finances are to remain our own, and up to self choices made for how much is shared towards gifts and/or meals etc neither of us want each other to be in our past experiences ever again,… Read more »
If you and your ex recently broke up but you really want to maintain a platonic friendship, sending a text to “check in” without asking for anything —i.e., pressuring them to meet up, telling them you “need” to talk, etc — is a solid way to let them know. Sending messages that don’t require a response allows your ex to decide if or when they will respond. By giving them the power to continue or ignore the dialogue, you’re basically saying “I’m here if you need me.”
Now it is just about two years later. We are happily in love, lI’ve together and have never had a fight or argument. We’ve had disagreements, naturally, but we work through them effortlessly. He is an amazing and loving partner. He holds me if I cry, and supports me following my dreams. He’s there for me everyday and never leaves me wondering or waiting. He now knows what a real relationship is, and actively shows me all of the love I could have ever asked for. He talks about marriage and kids all the time, and we’re so happy.
It was good, but the toxic feelings from the first breakup followed us wherever we went. Mary had let go of that fun-in-the-sun, summer-fling, freewheelin’ attitude I had desperately tried and failed to bring to our last relationship. She had made new friends and learned valuable lessons since our breakup, the biggest one being that guys who try to hold on to their high school ex-girlfriends are as dumb as they are stupid.
My boyfriend and I have been arguing because I say things that he doesn’t like and I am in love with him and want to marry him he is the ONE, and I know and feel it, he feels the same and loves me as well and does see a future with my kids and I, I need to completely stop all the things that I say because I know that I am going to lose him and I don’t want to I’m scared to death that I am going to lose him, and have never been this scared to lose someone in my life, he’s such a good guy and he’s good to me and my kids, I have been completely depressed for a few days and I have been crying on a daily basis but he said that he feels he can’t talk to me anymore because I get mad at everything he says, how can I help him believe what I say and have him talk to me about things?? How can I turn things around for the better with us?? My biggest fear is losing him. I would do anything to turn things around for the better. He is still affectionate with me and tells me that he loves me everyday he is just being distant from me right now because of the things that I have said and if I could go back and change things I would in a heartbeat and from all of this going on I will never say anything like what I have again and I told him that but he doesn’t believe me and I told him that I want things to be as they were. I apologize for this being all over the place I have like I said been so depressed that I can’t even think straight, I haven’t eaten in 3 days as well. He has been so forgiving and patient with me and he is an amazing man I just don’t know what to do or say to him to help him believe that what I’m saying is real. I totally trust him I know that in my heart he would NEVER cheat on me it’s against his morals and he is a very honest and loyal man as well, I can’t and don’t want to screw this up with him, he is my world and couldn’t ask for more. He is my best friend, my soul mate, the love of my life, we are still together but I feel that he can’t be with me anymore because of the stuff that I have said. I’m torn into shreds right now and I want to prove to him that I can back up my word but I don’t know how to do that.
Hi Lauren! I am from the Philippines and I bumped on this site trying to find out advises for my current relationship. My story will be a bit long and I hope you may find time reading it. I have been in a relationship for 8months now. Our relationship started in a most undesirable way. First, let me tell you the romantic background of the guy whom I decided to be with. His first girlfriend was way back in his High School years. They were together for four years. The girl has a "childhood friend" who was a Filipino Australian citizen (A Filipino who migrated in AU and became a citizen), eventually, the fall of the relationship was when the girl thought that the relationship was going nowhere and decided to cheat when that "childhood friend" went back to the Philippines. When he learned the thing, of course his heart got broken and had a hard time moving on. After a year, he had his second girl who was his college junior (they were both studying Nursing) and all went fine, he shared with me that he gave all the girl's wants and needs but in the end he was made aware that the girl is cheating and that she is dating another man when they are still together and the mother of the girl belittled him for being "just a nurse". They broke up and he did all to win the gilr back but nothing happened. After a year, when he learned that the girl became available "again", he started courting her "again" to win her back, of course the girl chose a different man instead of him and that's when he decided to move on. On the other hand, we were officemates, I am a Human Resource Officer and he's a Company Nurse, at first, I did not like him for he's just not my type. Until the tables turned. I love talking to him and I enjoy his company, I told him that I like him and he said it was okay. Eventually I fell in love and confessed, he told me he's not ready and can't reciprocate my love, as well, he d...
Our relationship was not a relationship at all ,I see now..I was too naive to understand how to handle a relationship.It began suddenly within one week of Facebook chatting,then we went on dates whatever but I never tried to show the rights on him! I didn't call if he didn't and he used to remain without calling for several days ,I wondered if he doesn't miss me at all! But I didn't understand the difference between being needy and being way too nice to not being needy at all ,like whatever he did,even if I felt bad I used to remain too much cool and told him that it was okay!!! Because maybe I put him on a pedestal,maybe I thought that it would cause resentment and fighting ,so let it be and I compromised! Probably I lost my high value and he started pulling away and I also didn't say anything to him at that time..but when he ended the relationship he just said that he never felt that he was in a relationship with me..
In an effort to resuscitate an already dysfunctional relationship, women will frequently make the fatal error of bluffing. Your girlfriend will repeatedly threaten to break up with you in order to scare you into changing (for the record I wholeheartedly disagree with this method, but that discussion is for another article), hoping you will prove your love by doing anything to make her happy. It never works, and you rarely take her threats seriously. So you break up.
my boyfriend of two yeRs and i are currently having some problems in our relationship. the first six months of this relationship we didnt see eachother and everybody around him doubted us. i started seeing him about once a week after that six month period. we were so happy back then. he had some self esteem issues at the time and i helped him get through all of that. in my childhood i never showed any emotion for anything really. i always bottled it up. so when i finally trusted my boyfriend i began to express i guess what was built up anger and hurt from my childood or something. basically i havent been the best girlfriemd even though he definitely deserved the best of me since he cared so much about me and always tried to comfort me. throughout this two year i guess you could say i found him at his worst and he progressively seen mine. we would fight over stupid things but when we were together everything was perfect. sometimes i would stonewall him because i didnt really know how else to deal with my emotions. recently he was talkig to some girl about our problems and i couldnt stand that. then and sunday he said hes been acting he doesnt want to hurt me and that he doesnt know if he really loves me anymore. he has stonwalled me for a while as well. as of sunday he wanted a no contact break and i literally barely made it through the first day. and i gave in and called him we only talked for ten minutes today is the second day and i still dont know what to do. i think our problems can fiixed but this no contact thing ends on friday or saturday and i honestly think he wants to leave me. i dont know what i will do if he leaves. i need some real relationship advice and dont rwally have anybody to go to. i would like to hear your opinion and also would like to know if you could suggest a person i could ask to be like a third party opinion for me i dont want to go to counsellig as i dont have the money for it. but is there like a relative or something i should go to that isnt going to be biased?
I want my girlfriend back beautiful message girl in Merimbula and cute and funny and guy make smile and laugh and better things to say that I love you Ada Baker biggest love heart hot and sexy girlfriend and her beautiful person my brother and Trisha getting in Engaged wedding on 14th April next year church so I love my girlfriend so i gotta love to her help me with any of the world very much