1. Start out by heading down the road of healing past wounds. As you talk about the upsetting interactions that have distressed you in the past, look back on these upsetting incidents to find what you yourself can learn from each. When thinking about how to fix a relationship, mistakes are for learning. Share what you experienced, and think aloud about what you would do differently next time. If your partner joins you and does the same, convert past upsets to valuable learning moments in your life journey together.
Act on your issues immediately. It is not enough to simply talk about your issues together. You need to do something to address them. Once you’ve figured out what is wrong between you, each one of you should come up with at least 2 things that you are going to do to address the issues. Tell your partner your solutions and ask them to hold you accountable– the only way to mend a broken relationship is to commit to healing it.
As common knowledge goes, you cannot make a person have certain feelings for you. However, you can encourage them to feel a certain way through reminders, thoughts, gestures and messages, so there might be some ways to help your ex think about the good things the two of you shared together. For more details on how this might be possible, read How to Make Your Ex Miss You.

im doing the same thing you’ll do now your not alone i know it hurts but that what u should do, let him lose you and thinks hes a failure dont allow him to think he can play with your feelings, your not his toy if he cant decide what he wants then leave him to grom up and make decisions in life, hes immature and you did the right thing your so smart of going no contact and standing on what you want bravo, now do not let him take advantage and decide what he wants do what you want, you want him as a bf he didnt respect that he wants friends you dont so bye to him and lifes always comes around believe me one day he’ll come begging to have you back.


Advice from a male perspective anyone? I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space and he respects mine also. When he’s a weekend away with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we made had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roommate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text today apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?
Found out a guy who I was secretly in love with for 9’years also had feelings for me. He reached out to me first and we connected immediately (even though We had been aquentinces) . Intense chemistry, he was telling me within weeks that he was falling for me, that he would go through his horrible divorce all over again of it meant being with me, how beautiful I am, how refreshing it is to have someone who gets his large family and who already knows them, included me in days with his daughter, we slept together 2x, he would… Read more »
I want you to imagine something for a moment. Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend are texting pretty frequently. The two of you are responding at a pretty good clip (meaning both of you are responding to one another.) I think in this case when she has already proven that she is responding to you in a frequent manner you don’t have to pay as much attention to neutral responses if they are in the middle of a texting conversation. 

I was in a relationship with a guy who suffers with depression we had our ups and dwn i started txting an ex over a year ago it stopped 5 mnth after he my bf found out and we gt through it we drifted apart bout 4 mnth ago but was txting he wanted me bk 2 week ago told me he misses me etc i spoke to him on phone 2 week ago he said we need to talk so i arranged to go out sat he never turned up then txt me saying he dnt want to be with me thats when i started hounding him txt messages phone calls which in en he blocked me he came ova a week ago to talk he clamed up woundnt talk to me told me i was pushing him away hes got things in his head agen bout me txting my ex i miss him so much dnt know what to do started 30 day no contact i am in such a state at minute
The day after the breakup, I found Coach Lee’s videos, and immediately went into no contact. I watched the ones that pertained to my situation over and over again. It was the most difficult time for me. It took every ounce of my being not to reach out, to beg for another chance, or even an opportunity to talk. When the urges occurred, I would watch a video and get past the urge. I had good and bad days, but mostly bad. When starting no contact, I also took Coach Lee’s valuable advice of not using this mentally  as a weapon for getting her back, but a way of working on myself, and giving space and time to heal. I lost weight, dated other people, went out and did things that I liked, and created a life and identity for myself. A little under 2 months later, I received a text from her telling me how weird it had been not having me around, and that she missed me, and wanted to be friends. I then started watching Coach Lee’s great videos about when the ex reaches out and again, followed his advice to the tee. I was pretty much over her at that point and told her that I was not interested in friendship, but that we should meet and catch up. I was a new person. Looked and felt better, and had more confidence than ever, thanks to the teachings of Coach Lee. I am literally a new person. Anyway, we went out, had dinner, walked along the beach, and immediately regained what we had in the beginning. That was two months ago. I do not know what the future holds, but right now, things are incredible. I thank Coach Lee for not only walking me through the steps of getting my girlfriend back, but especially teaching me to look inward during this very difficult situation and make improvements on myself, and have fun. Coach Lee’s teachings were the main reason that I am in a great situation today. -Steve
So it is not wrong for you to have the ‘problem’ of a man pulling away, even if you’re in a committed relationship. This is because men and women have different motivations, different perceptions of the world, and they value different things. This doesn’t mean that our values and wants cannot mesh together and create beauty in the world – they certainly can. But not without also having clashes along the way, which are 100% normal in man/woman relationships.
Yes, it seems as though this man has you where he wants you. Even though spending time with him makes you feel better in hopes it will change when you see him it will not. Honestly, I would go ghost for 30 days. Focus on you getting the control of yourself and your emotions because I understand that this can be hard but you deserve better and you have a right to demand better. He will want to know why you aren't talking to him and after 30 days you deliver that message and once you do you have the control back. I have an amazing coach that works with women so if you need anything in the future we are here for you.
I had my suspicions that my ex was talking to someone else. I called him out on it and he vanished. No reply, just blocked me. Blocked from messenger but not a full block, we still can see each other’s Facebook. We were very close, talked all day, everyday. It’s been two weeks of NC. Part of me thinks I was right, and he was busted, part of me thinks he’s just mad at me that I would think something like that because things were going so good, maybe I overreacted? I don’t know, he won’t talk to me. The silence is killing me and I just want to work it out. I guess all I can do is wait and see if he comes back around??
I love one guy spent almost a year everyday from morning to evening with him always then suddenly i came back to my home town after wrapping my old life… But with lots of love of that guy, he is different he never thought what a women wants actaully so that women can be of one guy only still i love him more then my life and he loves me too although things are not working out still we are attached n live each day for each other
Talk to his friends. If you have mutual friends or if his friends would be willing to talk to you without telling your ex about it, consider asking them what they think the chances are that your ex would want to get back together with you. They are more likely than you to know if he has a new girlfriend or if he's dying to get back together with you.[5]
Try not to jump right into another relationship straight away in a bid to make your ex jealous. I’m not saying ‘’don’t focus on yourself’’ but this is not the way to go about things as it only gives a negative message to your ex which may backfire if they do the same thing. so, what can you do to focus on yourself? You can start from appearance (new haircut, new clothes, get down to the gym, eat healthier, etc) keeping a good attitude and staying open-minded. Upgrade yourself with your outer appearance and inner attitude. Be the best version that you can be of yourself. If you’re really wanting to move on, then maybe you want to check out The Best Chat Up Lines to use on girls.
Hi, we work at same place and she sit just front of me so we see each other 100 times a day. Not able to apply no contact rule properly. Two months in no contact but not working as both are at same place. But whenever I text her in urgent no reply from her. In a month we will not be together, so should I wait to be apart when she will feel it or everything in her seems dead for me. I can’t take her rigid nature of not texting back or receive emergency call. What she want. I am not well and can’t focus on my personal life and career which is not good for me.

I always like the saying… “When emotions run high, logic runs low.” When you’re reeling from a tough breakup, chances are you’re not thinking clearly. You’re heartbroken, desperate, depressed, and you’re just not yourself. And most importantly, you’re not thinking logically! And when logic goes out the window, people tend to send 3 kinds of BAD text messages. These are text messages that you might be guilty of, so it’s important you listen closely to what I’m about to say…


But when do men ever take responsibility for their actions? At some point you guys need to realize that you play an equal role in the deterioration of relationships. I always take responsibility for my actions so when do men admit, “Hey, I’m also to blame as well.” Society has taught me that their behavior is excusable. The focus is always on women learning to adjust and change her behavior and blaming women for men pulling away but its never the other way around. It’s sad that men are taught that a woman being concerned about a man disappearing means… Read more »
Not using the right word could prove to be dangerous in a short message. This can be misinterpreted especially if your ex resents you or if you were harassing them during the breakup. Each of your words have to be well thought out; just like as if you were writing a letter. Text messages aren’t always clear; whether you text ex back or they text you!

1. Think patterns, not people. When thinking about relationship problems it’s easy to think in terms of people, specifically who is right, who is wrong, who is screwed up, and who is really screwed up. This isn’t usually helpful and only leads to a blame game. Instead of people, think patterns. A does something, this triggers B, who in turn triggers A, then B. Some patterns are beneficial and help us stay sane and stable, others are neutral habits, and some are deadly and capable of damage. 
Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.
Hey so I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year now. He’s into a hobby that is good for him because he’s sober. But the thing is is that he seems to be more interested in that than our relationship. Even when I leave him alone for hours he won’t really open or talk to me. I don’t ever pry at him because I don’t want to be annoying. We live together and live well together. We never fight and I’m very open with my stuff. It seems like he’s not interested though about those things. It’s not like I’m dumping problems on him at all, but sometimes it’s nice to vent to someone? I’m also on vacation and he told me that we don’t need to be in constant contact with each other and then won’t reply for hours, so I did just that I distant myself completely . It scares me though because he follows so many girls on social media and in the begging of our relationship he would direct message them nothing bad all platonic, but I talked to him and asked him to stop, but I’m scared that he might be getting that filled by talking to those girls again. All I want is to know how his day is or just to say hey without feeling like a bother. I don’t know what to do honestl. He does his best though I’m not saying it’s bad or anything but he’s so stubborn and when I’m upset about something he usually tells me it’s ok but that’s it he doesn’t really comfort comfort me but other times he tells me to bring it to god and brushes it off and goes on and on and on about his hobby he does. Disregarding anything I said or how I feel. Maybe I’m just reading into it all wrong but I don’t know. Should I not listen to him like he does to me? I communicate with him fairly well and tell him how when he ignores me it bothers me but he doesn’t change it. It seems like he doesn’t care. I don’t know. Help
Starting last week, she began to stop texting me and she would not respond to any of my offers to speak over the phone. My first response to this was to let it go for a couple of days. Then, I wrote her a kind letter (not discussing our issues) and mailed it to her (trying something new to keep the relationship interesting). When she received the letter in the mail, she responded, saying she would send me a note back.
Lauren, I believe your advice about giving the ex space is on point and I wish I had given mine a lot of space. I broke up with a man who suddenly dumped me with a phone message when he knew I was not home. Friends of ours told me to give him space, and I did not; big mistake on my part. He is with a woman he and his parents know, she is old enough to be his mother. He sometimes chats when he sees me in the area. I began to feel like I'm sitting on the back burner and decided to just greet him and not chat unless he wants to chat. A good male friend told me to give him six months, it has been three months, so I'll see what develops....
I have this guy I’ve been dating off & on for the past 2years but we’ve been back seriously together for 8months now but suddenly few days back he just decide that he can’t go on with the relationship anymore that he feels the relationship lack trust meanwhile I’ve been 100% honest & loyal to him and he’s not get in touch with me since the which I did not aswell buh he watched my whatsapp status evrytime Wich I don’t do to his…..I’m really hurt please what should I do I need your advice??
The day we broke up, we went out fishing with two friends and it was really cool, and we went to see some of his friends play handball ( which is a very important part of his liife, but i have never played, so don’t really care, but I wanted to make the effort for him and to be with him). I was doing so good until he decided to go play ball with his friends during half time, leaving me alone on my chair, while I had come to be with him. There were two people I had talked to before close by ( which was his excuse to leave me) but they were talking the foreign language and imagine how hard it is to engage in the conversation when you don’t know what it,s about and you need to switch language… So i got mad at him and told him it wasn’t cool to leave me on my own.
Plus, it gives you the time to get past the initial unbearable phase of missing him and into a more even-tempered, secure mentality. Instead of trying to figure out signs your ex still loves you, you’ll be working on yourself and getting yourself into a better mindset. It gives you the space to say, “I don’t need him to be happy – I can be happy all on my own”.
Know that relationship issues are never one person’s fault. A relationship is between two people, so never let your partner blame you for all of the issues in your relationship. Someone who passes blame and refuses to think about their own role will be very difficult, if not impossible, to get on your side. Never let someone force you to change to save a relationship – this is a sign of a controlling and unhealthy relationship.
1. Start out by heading down the road of healing past wounds. As you talk about the upsetting interactions that have distressed you in the past, look back on these upsetting incidents to find what you yourself can learn from each. When thinking about how to fix a relationship, mistakes are for learning. Share what you experienced, and think aloud about what you would do differently next time. If your partner joins you and does the same, convert past upsets to valuable learning moments in your life journey together.
The steps to success in getting back together are very clear, and just like a formula in math, you have to the steps to a T if you want a successful result. You may have already heard about the hand-written letter (I’ll expand on this later), radio silence, and reversed dependence, but trying to figure out how to text your ex to get them to come back is not always a useful technique.
The biggest rule of all when it comes to texting your ex, or getting back together with an ex, is to first have a period of no contact, usually a minimum of four weeks. This means you don’t text or call or G-chat or communicate in any way, shape, or form. It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday or he just got a promotion at work and you “innocently” want to congratulate him. No contact means no contact. You can read more about it and why it works here and here.
I recently stumbled across your podcasts and blogs. My boyfriend recently broke up with me about 4 days ago. We had been long distance for 2 and a half years, just went on our first vacation together, and had already gone through some really difficult times with family issues. We were always there for each other, really good at communicating, being honest, making trips to see each other, and times to call and/or FaceTime. The past few months we had some issues, all small minor things, that seemed to be fixed and okay, but he said that the past few months made him unsure about closing the distance, the future, and just made him want to focus on himself. Even though we mutually called this a “break” we’re going through it like a normal break up. He said he didn’t want things to end horribly and wanted to be friends, and although he’s not sure if time and growth and fix the issues he’s not ruling out the possibility of us getting back together. I agreed and said that I do believe time, space ,growth and self reflection can really help focus on what to do differently, if we were to try us out again, and may fix the issues. Even with me saying that he agreed. We both shared such a special connection, and because of the family problems that happened, spending holidays together and going to each other’s college graduations, I do believe he just needs time to himself. His sister even told me she strongly believes he will come back and so many people have as well. The last text sent was me telling him I needed time before I could even talk to him, and it may take a while. He said he understands that and I understand he does not wan to be in a relationship at this moment and for a while. Even though it hurts, there’s something in my gut that keeps telling me that although I love him enough to let him go and figure himself out, he will come back. I don’t know when but I believe it. I’ve already started reflecting in a journal and writing down what I would work on in the future to make the relationship stronger and better. I really want him to come back, and I believe he will even though I know I have to tell myself that maybe he won’t. There’s already been so many signs I’ve been seeing that correlate with him and his interests that are telling me we’ll be okay. I’m not angry, and there’s no hatred towards him which is also weird. I’m glad he was honest with me now instead of further down the line like if we were visiting each other or something. I’ve been reading everything and I’ve started the no contact rule and although I heard he deleted pictures from our recent vacation he’s also been distant with things. I know this is a good time for self reflection on both individuals. I would love to try us again sometime and I do believe we could make it work.

Here is the thing. You want to focus on you not only because this is healthy which is the main reason and you're putting yourself first but by putting yourself first he will want you more. There is a deep desire for people to be with someone that puts themselves first. I would not only follow his lead. Make sure you are not too available in the process and really schedule time for you. Then take control back a little bit so you can eventually see where this is headed.
If you feel something’s wrong in the relationship or if your partner’s done something objectionable, talk to your partner without accusing them or shouting at them. Help your partner understand how you feel about it instead of yelling or cursing at your lover. And unless an unpardonable mistake is repeated, learn to forgive and forget. Sometimes, even the best of us can make a mistake without really wanting to.

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.
Hi! So I have been snapchating with my ex for some time now. The problem is that if I send him a snap he might respond with some emojies or sometimes a comment, but we never actually get a conversation out of it. Should I text him instead of sending him a snap even though we usually only snap? Or should I respond to any of his comments and start a conversation from there? Thanks!
Weekend. I was very forward with him, both through texts and talking, and he knew how awful my marriage had been and that I hadn’t been intimate in 7+ years! We had an AMAZING weekend and I know he likes me..but don’t know to what extent. I know I probably moves too fast and have expectations that probably won’t be met..I have been so depressed. So hard for me not to text him daily..I try to wait for him to initiate. I want to ask if he sees this going anywhere..but I am scared of the answer. It is also just very hard since it’s the firat time I felt wanted in about 15 years!! How do i get over this?? What do i do?? I can’t stop thinking about him.
my ex and i broke up a couple of months ago. He broke up with me because he did not want a relationship anymore and i cheated on him. We dated for almost two years..After our break up he wanted to be friends and i didn’t. i want to be more and this kept going back and forth. We did hu a couples of times and he would say i love you. He said he wanted something more but not a relationship and not exclusive. I told we can talk to be something or we don’t talk anymore so we agreed on not talking.. We were on good terms and we said i love you and stop talking for a few days. But i texted and he said he doesn’t want to talk to me and he doesn’t want to be friends anymore.. so i need advice should i just give him time and see what happens? what should i do? I still have feeling for this guy and i don’t know if he even does.
Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Hi Sherry, 2 months does not feel right. You’ve been very patient and kind, but 2 months is a very long time. Yes, there ARE some men who can still be committed even though they’ve been absent for 2 months (maybe he’s meditating in a cave or experiencing deep trauma, or dying) – but this is rare. just because he knows what it’s like to be abandoned by his exes too, doesn’t mean he shares the same visceral fear and pain of being abandoned by you as you do with him. I recommend that you read this post, because in… Read more »


Even if you and your ex had a messy break up, there's almost always a point in time where you miss them, even if it's just for a minute. That lingering temptation that convinces you that texting your ex is a good idea can be so, so seductive. But sometimes, we really do miss our exes for totally non-trolly reasons, and we genuinely just want to reach out. How to go about it can be tricky, but coming up with the perfect texts to send your ex if you miss them will definitely help.


Be calm and confident in yourself and what you think you can contribute to her life. In the time you've taken to improve yourself, hopefully you will have evidence of that change. If the cause of your breakup was that you did not have enough time for her, show that you've altered your work schedule and made time to volunteer or pick up that sailing hobby you've always dreamed about. That will show you're willing to make time for things that matter to you. See where I'm going with this?
Draw yourself away from him… Act like you’re moving on and having a better time without him. He loves and wants you but is somewhat testing you in a way. If you do these 2 things he’ll come back. I know I do all the time. He couldn’t bare to see you with other guys, you’re his woman and he’s your man… It’s hard to draw away, but he’ll start panicking.
It has ended here and I am just dying to find a solution to all this mess I have created with my clumsiness. I have a gift I made for him that i carried around with me since January 6 because we never knew when we would be able to meet. I had this idea to send it to him with a note “this is yours, made on January 6th. There is no point for me to keep it anymore.” But I am not sure what kind of message it will send because I am not even able to guess the most probable reason of all this behavior. He is the nice guy type, who gives and asks for affection. He would just keep hugging and holding my hand when i am around. But would not realise he missed me until we meet again (he said that). He lives with his sister and is very close to her and to his parents who live in another city. Whenever he did something careless he knows but does not say it. Instead he would become a bit more talkative about details of what he is doing or something.. until I mention it, then once faced with it he apologises. We are 29 and 31 years old and have been together for 4 months, during which he said “I love you” mederately and only at the right moments.
Talking about your previous relationship with your ex girlfriend can be pretty tricky because it is bound to bring up old memories and not all of those old memories are going to be very good. On top of the “bad memories” things get can get really emotional and if you don’t know how to handle those emotions the conversation is going to eat you alive.
I am delighted that you have heeded my advice. I have read the list you have constructed and I am pleased to tell you that I agree with it. Communication helps a relationship grow stronger. Along with that, it is very important to spend time with each other. I highly appreciate your gesture of talking to me about the list. With it, you and your boyfriend will be able to go a very long way. As for the matter of a relationship consisting of two people I greatly admire the last line you have written. It is vital to keep certain issues and matters amongst yourselves. My best wishes to you both.

I met a guy, we went on a few amazing dates, he bought me gifts, was always super keen to see me, (i was away a lot so we only saw each other 5 times), then, out of nowhere bam! he starts to pull away. Only i didn’t realise this is what’s happening. The last time i saw him, him was kind of distant, but he stayed over and went to work the next day. I knew he was busy, so i didn’t expect to hear from him, plus it was two days before Christmas. When he hadn’t responded to my text i sent a cheeky one joking about where he’d been and he said he’d been super busy and that he had the flu. The texts got less frequent over Christmas and new year and everything i suggested meeting up, he ignore the request, but replied in the usual manor.
Until recently , I contact him again hoping to win him back another time(for godsake I dunno why after all the scolding from him to me and disrespecting me).Thinking I have grow to be more confident.Sadly, I made the mistake again falling in the booty call. I regret so much. What should I do? I keep choosing him over and over again. Although he said he dont want my love .Yet I keep going back to him.
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