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"While there are two sides to every story, there are often a few factors that are highlighted within a breakup," says sexologist Megan Stubbs. "What makes this time different than the time before? And how will you communicate that to your partner in a way that might make them open to a second chance?" Try to be as neutral as possible in your recollections. Seeing your part in a breakup can help you figure out whether it's a good idea to give things a second shot.
Eric, although I think you might be “spot on” on your theories, I can tell you for a fact that at age 67 I’ve had a lot more experience. Here really is the very bottom line in finding a good relationship, “it has to be cultivated and tended to”. After 40 yrs of marriage, loss due to death, we had to grow up together, we changed as we grew, we had to adjust, we became grown ups, our ideas, needs and desires changed. No matter how hard times are, no matter how much you share in common, or laugh or cry together, the one thing—“the only thing that keeps you together through thick and thin, till death do you part” Is a high regard for the other persons “person”, and a hell of magnetic physical attraction. Easy as that. It takes YEARS for the former to develop—and you can only hope that the latter remains. There is no magic wand. It is hard work that can pay you back with a lifetime of wonderful memories.
Good question! There really are so many angles to cover in this day and age. I guess technically opening a snapchat doesn’t count as making “contact,” but I also just don’t think it’s a good idea. I also recognize how hard it is to fight the temptation and not open it. So my advice would be to send him a quick message if he sends you snapchats being like, “I really need some time for myself right now and would appreciate it if you wouldn’t contact me,” and then don’t respond further if he does keep reaching out. And if you can be really strong, then ignore the snapchats. Hope this helps!
Even if there was no cheating involved and the relationship seemed perfect, some people just aren't willing to go out of their way to change their lifestyle habits, which seemed like the issue with your ex. If he made no attempt to include you in his personal circle or be part of yours and isn't even willing to compromise, you might want to reconsider if getting back together would be the right thing to do, since this may not change even down the road and you would have to be okay with separately sharing him with his friends and vice versa.

Great article (as usual!). What are some ways women can inspire a guy to realize his ultimate potential as a man? My go to was to go to the deep, dark secrets, but from reading your articles that is a no-no and I should leave his issues alone. Asking questions seems to put guys on guard and make him and me feel like I am an investigator. You have previously said to let guys open up to you, does that go for sharing their hopes/dreams as well? Or how can I reach him on a deeper level?
i know this sounds ridiculous but i met this guy on a facebook game, he asked for my number but i refused to because well why would you want give out your number to a stranger he could be a scam. okay so he gave his instagram id and downloaded kik just to text me. we clicked right away. we spent days and days talking, flirting and joking and i sacrificed my time just to text him because of timezone. one night, he confessed that he had feelings for me that he never felt this great in a long time so i told him i feel the same way (tbh i’ve never fell in love this hard before) and we dated. i won’t deny that i love taking to him and i never believed in ldr before he came. we had few arguments tho, but it wasn’t serious. After days passed by, he went disappeared which i think he deleted his kik. We were good at that moment but idk what’s going on so a week later i went to his instagram to find him, just to you know clear this mess up and start over again and be friends, it doesnt matter if he changed his mind or met a new girl near him.. i just wanted to have a connection with him. The next day, i found out that he blocked me. That was a dick move but what’s worse is that i am still madly in love and maybe will die with the curiosity.
If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over here. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.
But it’s not good enough to pretend to be less interested, you actually need to take some steps to take your mind off of him, what he’s doing and what he’s thinking. Get busy with work or school, stop contacting him as much, and don’t be so quick to respond to his messages and calls. He will wonder what happened to make you back off, and it will definitely make him want to commit.
It motivated me to search for a job even more, to subscribe to a sport to meet new people and make friends, to give him the freedom and the life he was asking for. A few days after, we went to a party and i gave him his space, made friend with other girls, I was doing great but he started talking with his former booty call right in front of me, which of course, made me feel so bad and jealous. So I ignored him the rest of the night. But I apologised the day after and it was ok.
Heres the thing, I had been an addict for the last 7 years, and I hid it from everyone, especially him. But it dominated my life and I know that it affected how his feelings developed. I wouldn't spend the night at his place bc i need to come home and get high. I would show up late to things bc I would be getting high until the very last second. Addicts don't care about anyone but themselves, and I never put in the effort to making him happy. He never knew how bad it was, and I don't think he even knows how it affected the relationship, but I do.
I JUST went thru this with my boyfriend of almost a year. He got VERY distant for 2 weeks and when I pushed him to find out what was up, he said he was 50/50 about our relationship and needed time to think. So I gave it to him and NEVER reached out again. I didnt even sign into social media, I wanted him to have no idea what I was up to. After 2 weeks of no contact, he texted me today pouring his heart out about how he messed up and all he thought about was me, etc etc. Everything I’ve only ever dreamed of him saying and he NEVER says his feelings towards me, but has always shown them in affection. We are meeting tonight after he begged to see me to talk. I still can’t believe he admitted he was scared that he messed things up and realized he was throwing away a good thing. We still have a lot to work out, but I think this is a great start. Hang in there everyone who is going thru the same thing!
#8 You are at different stages of the relationship. There are varying levels of a relationship, and if you are on stage 10, but he is still stuck at stage 3, he may be pulling back because he just isn’t ready or capable of being where you are. There are all different reasons why people aren’t willing to commit. If he’s not and he senses that you are, he is going to try to pull away and find some space.

The plenty of fish in the sea line isn’t quite as simple as some people make it out to be. The truth is that it’s a lot easier to figure out how to win someone back than to find someone with whom to build a long lasting sustainable relationship with! You already know your partner and share memories and a history together. There’s already something to build off of in a sense.
Not feeling confident in a relationship can really do some damage: Low self-esteem is sometimes linked to low sex drive, which could make things less heated in the bedroom. Getting active, setting goals, and even smiling can improve self-confidence. But don’t forget that an unhealthy relationship can actually cause low-self esteem, so steer clear of someone who makes you feel less than great.
Breakups hurt like crazy. And your mind is just clouded with the grief. It seems that your thoughts are just controlled by your emotions. So if you miss your ex, you might think that they were the perfect person for you. But in reality, it might not be so. In fact, I can almost guarantee that it wasn’t so. Your ex, just like every other person on earth had flaws. And your relationship, even though it might be hard to believe right now, was not great. How can I tell? Well, if it was great, you wouldn’t have broken up.

Why is this the easiest? Well it doesn’t have as many core problems as other circumstances, like for instance getting a girl back from another guy. That’s harder. You only broke up due to distance, meaning that the attraction she feels for you is still present. In fact it might even have increased, since women get off on desiring what they can’t have (you). Even if it seems impossible, it can be done.
You're right about everything you said here related to working on yourself and acknowledging the issues from the relationship. As for soul mates and twin flames, another more general term for these things would be how meaningful the relationship was in general. If it was a meaningful one, it wouldn't be so easy for one person to simply let go of the other person, despite how things may have scaled towards at the end of the relationship.
Look hot on social media.. In this day and age, as soon as you start talking to a potential boyfriend, you’ll add him on Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and the like. It’s how everyone keeps an eye on everybody else nowadays, so you can bet your bottom dollar that he’ll be stalking you on social media just as much as you’re stalking him. Make sure you’re on top form when you post your #selfieoftheday and I promise that he’ll be putty in your hand.
So I met this guy about 3 weeks ago online and if was very much like the scenario you showed in your video. At least for the first week. I was then out of town for a week preparing to move my stuff to another state. He flew out to hel0 me drive the truck. However, since returning, it feels like he’s pulling away. I’m giving him the space, but I fear he won’t come back. Any suggestion?
One of the worst techniques at trying to make a man commit I see is women who use jealousy. The only thing this is going to lead to is many tears, arguments and your man walking away. Men like women who are completely loyal so don’t flirt with friends or strangers, don’t talk about ex-lovers you have been with even if he asks you and don’t be too mysterious so that you man starts thinking you’re having an affair.

When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.
When a guy has things on his mind, he is more likely to want space, and he might pull away from you for a little while. If you think this is happening, you need to tread carefully. If you pry too much, he could see it as nagging, and he could withdraw even more. If you ignore him, then subconsciously he could think that you’re simply not there for him.
It’s important to remember her birthday and holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas or Hanukah or Kwanza.  Women feel special when you make a big deal about these special occasions with an appropriate gift, a romantic dinner or a weekend away together.  Don’t forget the flowers and other items (food or meaningful trinket) that she enjoys.  Again, this shows her that she’s special to you and worth all the effort.  If you need help pulling it together, then seek help.  Don’t fall down here or you will be history!
We met in fb he lived in different country we met in my country when he came to meet his family thats our first meeting and he said nothing to me and being physicall after that he loves me like he not used to we were so happy together after that he went back to his country and his behaviour become wrost day by day he started ignored me he didnt talk with me from many days no night or morning massages as he used to did we have been togather for 4 years but he changed we did breakup but i did again pachup and bear all his attitudes i love him so much what can i do i cant live with out him

This guy I went on a few dates with recently told me that I was a cool person but he thought that we weren’t compatible in the long run. He still talks to me through texting often. After he told me, I didn’t react and simply said “oh OK”.Then he asked me if I was pissed off or upset about it. I simply replied that I was fine and he told me I was cooler than he thought.
So I have spoken a lot about being an independent woman who is confident and can take of herself but sometimes it is a good thing to show a little vulnerability so your man can show his masculinity. Your man wants to feel needed as a MAN sometimes and that’s not just something that is to be shrugged off as being silly, it is in their biological DNA.
For example, if your man loves football and playing poker, that doesn’t mean you have to start loving football and playing poker too. By all means, you can take an interest in it but if it isn’t something you enjoy then don’t pretend it is. Just be your true self; if you want to cry watching a movie then cry, if you want to sing in the shower then sing or if you love the ballet than tell him.
So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.
"I can see now," Peter explained to her, "that in my depression about work I became totally self-centered. I withdrew from you, so no wonder you felt angry and distanced from me. As both of us withdrew from each other we lost our sexual connection.  I felt desparate for attention.  Then I took the ultimate wrong turn by seeking sexual attention from an infidelity. Big mistake!  I'm so glad that now I'm looking for a job that will be a better fit for me. I think I've found one, and I'm thrilled at the prospect."  
before my ex and I started dating we spoke for three years with out meeting one another ,and developed a deep connection , speaking sun rise to sun set , hr long phone calls , after three years we finally met and started dating , we dated for a year . we broke up about 7days ago . We broke up because he said that I was disrespectful and always had a negativity frequency. He blocked me on what'sap . I called him tonight to speak to him about our break up and trying to work on things , he said no and wants to remain broken up because his given me plenty of chances in the past , he loves me but he thinks I'm never going to change . its his birthday in a couple of days , do I send him a birthday text ?? also before putting down th phone I asked him if he could unblock me on whatsap he said no , I can contact him via phone call or text ... I'm more confused them EVER ! what should I do ?

Assure her that you both can fix the issues that led to your breakup. Remember why you guys broke up in the first place, so you can learn from your own mistakes. Have a plan ready, and discuss that plan with her. It's no use in getting back together if you go through the same issues all over again. If you didn't listen to her feelings enough, be sure that you're listening when you tell her you like her. If you didn't get along with her friends, make an extra effort to get along with them. Have a plan to attack what's likely to go wrong, and you'll impress the socks off of her.
One thing to look out for: If he's acting extremely jealous or policing your every move, you need to really reevaluate things. And never tell yourself, "He's a nice guy and has done nothing wrong, so I guess I should be with him." "That's convincing yourself of something that's probably not right," Trespicio says. Bottom line: Be in a relationship where you feel good when you're without him, but you feel even better with him.
But it’s not good enough to pretend to be less interested, you actually need to take some steps to take your mind off of him, what he’s doing and what he’s thinking. Get busy with work or school, stop contacting him as much, and don’t be so quick to respond to his messages and calls. He will wonder what happened to make you back off, and it will definitely make him want to commit.
Gay couples are always paranoid when it comes to holding hands in public. It’s getting better (thank God) but there are still days when we get so anxious that we fail to see how it affects our partners. Having a lover refuse to hold our hand in public can be devastating and traumatic. It’s just not fair. Find moments where you literally give zero f**ks! Grab his hand proudly, kiss him boldly, and let him know that what society may or may not think matters very little to you.

Great article, so my situation started out last week with him pulling away, first day I was asking him what going on why so distant, and he explained he was stressed and they he didn’t want anything to change between us and regardless we would make it. Unfortunately the distant behavior never changed and I was giving him space, I was going to the doctor about a health issue and that when I let him know about it, his lack of concern for me and my health too me by suprise. I understand you need to handle your life but I would think a moment of empathy could succumb the moment of space needed (just a follow up text that he actually cared I wasn’t asking for the world) welp he just gave me a two answer text then I was I asked about his lack of empathy he apologies saying he did understand the message. So I broke off the realatiobshio bc I refused to be with someone who didn’t care and he had never responded to the message and it’s been five day. Please advise?
...And then I got back with one of my exes. I know, it pains me to say it out loud. Not because they're the worst person on earth and I was ashamed, but because I went back on my word. My point is: it's easy to claim revisiting a former relationship is a bad idea and to dish out advice to your pals like you're the moral compass of the group, but when it happens to you, you realise actually it's not always such a ridiculous idea.
Consider that we all come into this world with corrections and repairs in ourselves to be made. Don’t worry – help and assistance is always there for us when we view a ribbon and big bow on each relationship we have. While at times it may not seem so, each relationship is a gift brought to us deliberately and for a purpose. From each encounter we have with another, we can extract a lesson and when we acknowledge this lesson, we can grow and heal –two major components of reaching fulfillment and happiness in our lives and relationships. The best way to learn is to ask:

When you start dating someone you’re crazy about, you have to resist the urge to come on too strong and scare him away. It’s happened to me numerous times in the past; I’ve been too available, I haven’t let my new guy breathe and most importantly, I haven’t given him the opportunity to miss me. Needless to say, it never worked out. Don’t make the same mistakes I have—step away from the boyfriend.
I might feel a bit regret for loving him that i feel heartbroken now..But whatever it is, the days we spent together was really one of the happiest moment in my life so i never regretted every moment of it. Bad news is, i find it hard to move on.. like seriously am i obsessed with him now? it feels like hopes are there you know, and its not giving up. i just wanted to talk to him. A single hey from him would make my year, but it seems like impossible. *sigh* life…
By the way, the best results I've seen for people with abusive anger is with the energy therapy techniques of Bradley Nelson, which Dale Petterson in my office does for my clients. It's quite amazing how these techniques seem to pull the anger out by the roots....though multiple interventions plus conventional couple and individual treatment have to be part of the treatment strategy.
I called after a week of no contact & we pretty much were on the verge of breaking up but he confined it. It’s that he owed me money so I left a message and plus he told an ex I was doing drugs and doingbsexual acts for them. So I was pist off after she sent the message about what he told her. So now what do i do i know i should habe never contacted him but I was angry
Regardless of who makes more, it’s important to value each other’s contributions to the relationship. This includes agreeing on how bills will be shared, how saving responsibilities will be allocated, and so on. In instances where there’s a significant difference in earnings between your income and that of your partner, it’s essential to ensure that they identify a purpose to their support e.g., he or she might accept responsibility for funding college savings, or family vacations.
If you’re going through this situation right now, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Getting a guy to commit seems like one of the hardest things in the world. We’ve all heard stories about men being commitment-phobes who are deathly afraid of having their independence ripped away for them, so you can’t really blame the guy for dragging his feet when it comes to locking you down, can you?
I met in 2007 in the United States, I’m in Canada we met at a concert and for me, as soon as I saw him I knew I loved him. We hit it off and within a few weeks I was going to the states to visit him, we started dating and I was so happy, but because of the distance and him not being able to cross the boarder to come up and see me( he tried once) due to felonies in the states, I wasn’t able to go every weekend. He started to go down a bad path and got into drugs, I was always there for him even tho I didn’t know the extent of what he was doing. I told him I loved him, and he freaked out, we drifted apart and I was hurt.
Different people may go through different phases in a relationship, especially when it goes from a close relationship to a long distance one. Often times, one party may start to lose interest due to the lack of physical contact and develops an interest in someone else. Right now, as much as it sucks to hear, you don't have much of an option except to pick yourself up and walk away from this (for the time being), until the two of you are no longer so far apart or reach a more stable phase in your lives where LDR doesn't become as tough because both parties are no longer in the exploration phase.
"It's really attractive when a girl takes initiative in bed; a guy won't think any less of you. It doesn't always need to be a tit for tat thing with giving and receiving. The norm of so many of my relationships has been doing 80 percent of the work and taking 80 percent of the initiative in the bedroom. I can't explain how refreshing it is when it feels like it's 50-50." Greg G.
on Tuesday after work he like came up to me and was like “i’m gonna start writing down my feelings, that’s what you're doing right?” and so i was like “yeah it’s this book” cuz i had the book with me. then he was like oh lemme read it so i was like okay pick a page so he did and then he read that page but then he ended up reading more. after i took the book off him he tried to take it back off me and while he did that he cut me by accident and my finger started bleeding. then he holds my finger and say “i'm sorry i feel really bad” and i say oh its fine dw about it. THEN he kisses my finger. then after a while he was sitting there lookin all sad and so i was like what’s wrong? and he was like can i talk to you outside and so i was like okay. then we go outside and he was like “I didn’t even realize this but i still love you so so much” and he was like almost crying so i was like aww come give me a hug so he hugged me and it was like really tight hug like it was different. but then he’s like but i dont wanna give you false hope.so i was like yeah okay i know. then Thursday he tells the girl he's "moved on" to that he likes her and that’s okay whatever it’s his choice but then on friday he tells my friend on snap chat that he still has romantic feelings for me.
I'm not saying that men are right in pulling away, they also need to acknowledge the part they play in bringing out the worst side of a woman's fears. But just for your sake, for the sake of your mental and emotional health, just let go… anyway this is not the time to be having "talks" about the relationship because he'll most likely be unable (or unwilling) to have such deep convos during such a time.
My point is, this isn’t a trick you pull to “get” someone to commit and then stop. Because the day you stop is the day you give up. It’s the way you live your life together — can you think of a better way than to continue to impress and engage and deserve each other? I can’t. The key is to practice that NOW, not so you can stop doing it when you find someone, but so you can really start.

Sadly, too many men feel ashamed of themselves to feel worthy of a relationship and of raising children. I’ve heard and read this first-hand. I don’t understand it, but I very much believe it, especially after watching poor boys being berated and cursed by their single mothers — routinely — as “stupid”, “good-for-nothing”, “n*****”, and far worse. I cannot imagine the scars left by words like that *from their own parent*, usually accompanied by gestures and tones of voice that treat the child like intrusive trash. Maybe even more important is the inability of many men to hold jobs and to cultivate careers. Since the eighties, jobs and opportunities (for high school graduates) are truly constricted, and while some men will definitely overcome the odds, the fact is that it is impossible for all men to find the types of middle-class jobs American men thrived on yesteryear.
Perhaps a change in the way you treat her would be good this time around, but give her some space first. Start off slow, but aim to be the patient and loving boyfriend, especially if you know that she has a lot on her plate. Memories with you should be nothing but sweet, which at least gives her an incentive to turn to you after a tough day/stressful week/etc.
On Monday, I brought up the other girls name and it ended up in a big argument. I have major trust issues now after what has happened but he doesn't understand! The same girl is working with him AGAIN. He has since called it off with me and has started messaging her again. He says I have pushed him too far this time and I am stressing him out with mentioning things that have happened. That I ruin everything and there is no going back.
When you’re missing a person, it can be easy to fall into a self-deprecating trap of giving in whenever the person you are missing gets in touch. Guys know this. They know that you’re missing them and they know that you’d do anything and everything you could to see them. This makes you an easy target. It makes you the girl they call, when they’ve failed to score elsewhere and you really, really, really, need to stop being that girl.
Immediately, Rocco will be the most interesting individual on the planet. Your man will want to know why he's hanging around you. He'll want to know why you're hanging around him. He'll get jealous — we're all good at that — and soon, he'll demand to meet him. All the while, you should act surprised by your guy's uncharacteristically possessive behavior and, if you like, even a little indignant. But if he feels threatened by another bear in his lair, then he's already aware he has a lot to lose. You're halfway there, and this little trick might get him to defend his turf.

I didn’t react well initially. I broke every rule. But after a couple days of it, I pulled myself together Accepted our fate. After his therapy he said it went well and has a lot to work on but he thinks after the session it’s best if we don’t communicate for a while. I finally went against the instinct to cry and such and I said “absolutely. Take care of yourself. Bye.” Then I blocked him. Someone told me not to because it shows I care but I had to so I’m not constantly wondering if he’s going to text or call or if I will. I want to make sure it’s cut. He initiated it yesterday (which sucks for me, does that decrease my chances of success?) initially i said we shouldn’t talk then we did and now I am going to keep my no contact. I won’t contact him. I’m going to do something this weekend, I’m also going to start Pilates. I’m going to focus all my energy on being the most independent happy sexy person. I want to love myself so much that he sees how much self love and growth and wants me back. Not even that I want to take him back after this trauma. I just don’t know if it will work. He still has my things and I asked for them back initially but he seemed to divert it. I’m not going to ask again and I’m going to abstain from social media. I just want to know the likely hood of this kind of circumstance and success especially when nothing specifically went wrong.
It has ended here and I am just dying to find a solution to all this mess I have created with my clumsiness. I have a gift I made for him that i carried around with me since January 6 because we never knew when we would be able to meet. I had this idea to send it to him with a note “this is yours, made on January 6th. There is no point for me to keep it anymore.” But I am not sure what kind of message it will send because I am not even able to guess the most probable reason of all this behavior. He is the nice guy type, who gives and asks for affection. He would just keep hugging and holding my hand when i am around. But would not realise he missed me until we meet again (he said that). He lives with his sister and is very close to her and to his parents who live in another city. Whenever he did something careless he knows but does not say it. Instead he would become a bit more talkative about details of what he is doing or something.. until I mention it, then once faced with it he apologises. We are 29 and 31 years old and have been together for 4 months, during which he said “I love you” mederately and only at the right moments.
But FACT is that you have 2 choices (regardless of whether he’s a jerk and blowing you off, or if he genuinely cares about you and just needs space), you can chase after him demanding answers, or you can just breathe and get your own space, some me-time, rejuvinate yourself, get happy again outside of him. In time he will either disappear, never to be seen again, or he will come back. The point is that either way you will be fine because you’re happy anyway. This compared to chasing him, hunting him down, where you lose yourself in trying to get him/get answers/get even <– this is not healthy, and you end up sadder than if you just let go.
Plan surprise dates, leave her sweet notes, tell her she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and send her flowers for no reason at all. If you were in shape when you first met her, make an effort to stay that way. Often times these things go out the window after the first six months or year (and it’s probably no coincidence that sex starts to become less frequent around the same time).

Under these circumstances, she’s probably overwhelmed by her emotions which led her to react this way. You’ve already let her know that you need to take some time to grieve and process the breakup, and she needs to respect that. I don’t doubt that her actions were also caused by her feelings towards you which resulted in her getting upset that you didn’t want to talk to her. However, I think that given time she’ll start to cool down and should be a little more receptive when you reach out.
The two authors actually broke up and got back together, and are sharing the wisdom they gained during the breakup period. I loved the authors' personal notes, and how they interject humor at just the right times. They are like our "best friends," who, because they care about us and want us to move forward (instead of sitting around, sad, depressed, and obsessing over the breakup), they share the details of their own painful break-up and the personal insight they acquired as a result. The vital decisions they each made about their lives during the breakup enabled them to come back together as better people, with a deeper understanding of themselves and what they each want/need in a relationship.
On the flip side, some men will pull away just as much if their date strongly insists that they must pay their own share. As callous as this may sound, most of us have egos bigger than Mt. Kilimanjaro, yet are as fragile as a fly. Trying to assert dominance in this situation may make your date run away. Even though you’ve done nothing wrong. Yes, I confess… we can be just as confusing to you, as women are to us.
I have this guy I’ve been dating off & on for the past 2years but we’ve been back seriously together for 8months now but suddenly few days back he just decide that he can’t go on with the relationship anymore that he feels the relationship lack trust meanwhile I’ve been 100% honest & loyal to him and he’s not get in touch with me since the which I did not aswell buh he watched my whatsapp status evrytime Wich I don’t do to his…..I’m really hurt please what should I do I need your advice??
Be honest about how you feel, within reason. Don't tell her what she might have done wrong in the relationship. Instead, focus on you. Let her know that you've thought a lot about where things went wrong, and show her all the ways in which you've changed. Tell her how you've become more patient, more forgiving, more aware of your own shortcomings, and be sure to back it up with action. If you say you've become more forgiving, be able to show her that you're not as quick to point out other peoples' faults.

#5 He is stressed out at work. Men are not like women. They are not multi-taskers. If he is preoccupied with something like work, he probably isn’t capable of keeping his focus on two things at once. If you notice that he’s no longer as interested as he used to be, it’s important for you to start looking not only at his behavior but at what is going on with his family and work life as well. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you at all.
I had gone on a rant in front of one of my guy friends recently about guys and their commitment issues, and much like many of the other guys who have had enough of my verbal assaults against men, he had decided it was time to pipe up. He decided to tell me how most men are approached by girls looking for commitment, why it doesn’t work, and how to get him to commit for real.
Some arguing is normal in a relationship. You may go through phases of fighting due to outside factors, which is also normal. The important thing is how you argue, how you deal with arguments after, how you heal together, and the way you communicate. The best way to avoid a fight getting out of control is to walk out of the room and not escalate the situation.
I don't know what I want. My ex broke my heart 8 months ago after a relationship of 2 years. We were the best friends. After the breakup he had a new girlfriend after 1 month. They broke up 3 months ago because she cheated. He came back to me, wanted all my attention, but I told him I still have feelings for him but I don't want him back. He accepted it but was mad because he thought I had someone new. He went back with the girl who cheated. Then I decided I didn't want him in my life anymore. I blocked him and deleted him on social media. The problem is that we have a common group of friends. Last week he was posting every day a snapchat in the group. Yesterday he send me a message with an artist in and the sentence 'I think you would like this artist.' Today I saw I had a missed facetime-call from him. To his bestfriend he said he regretted the way we broke up and the way we treat eachother the last months.. He is still together with this girl.

Look, we weren’t taught how to build and cultivate happy and healthy relationships in school, but it’s certainly not too late to learn how to develop these skills now! The aforementioned tips are just what you need. They consist of the very best relationship, dating, and lifestyle experts in the world; all of whom possess incredibly esteemed backgrounds and trackrecords of proven success.
Get some new clothes. New times call for new duds. It's a subtle change in you, but the importance will be clear to her: your new outer shell will signal deeper changes underneath. Get that new shirt that you've been wanting to buy, or those new pair of jeans. Looking sharp is an important aspect of physical attraction, and if she sees you looking great in unfamiliar clothes, she'll sense that there's been forward movement, if not wholesale change.
I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn't love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn't find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it's business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn't paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn't look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn't get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend. My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn't holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so ..
"Typically, when a relationship ends, there may be pain, sadness, or negative feelings on one side or both," says Dr. Amie Harwick, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in West Hollywood. "When considering getting back with an ex, one must consider if they can work through the differences." And while we can’t directly tell you which are good reasons to get back together with an ex, it's a smart idea to consider why you got together with this person in the first place. Are those the reasons you want them back? Do they outweigh the reasons why you broke up? Then there may be reasons to proceed.

"Throw us a bone. We all know that men often think they know more about something than they really may. It's in our chemical makeup. Sometimes you just have to let us set the tent up wrong when camping or take three hours to change your oilfor a lot of us, it's how we both try to impress you and show you we care. Sometimes you've got to let a guy be a guyeven if we're goofing up." Blake S.
First (and most important), promise not to judge the other. Then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. Next time you're feeling hot and heavy, pull one out. Either jump right into fulfilling that fantasy or, if you need a little more time to adjust, ask what it is about that fantasy that your partner likes, Dr. Kort says. "Sometimes, its themes can be addressed in different scenarios that feel comfortable for both of you," he adds.
Contemporary relationship for men can be very challenging. For one, the relationships between men and women have radically transformed in the last 50 years with women striving for personal development, and men often unsure of the role to play with women partners. Relationships require new ways of thinking and growing to be sustained and flourishing.
Women love being surprised. When a man goes out of his way to surprise his partner, he sends a message:  I care about you. You are important to me so I want to think of ways to make you happy.  You are worth the effort.  He gives his significant other a reason to look at him with admiration and he enables her to brag to her girlfriends about how lucky she is to have such an amazing and thoughtful guy (and if she is active on social media, no doubt there will be some accolades there as well!).
Sometimes, there may not be anything you would've done to screw the process up, but she simply isn't ready to talk to you regardless and may even think you have ulterior motives, resulting in her defensive and withdrawing behaviors. Typically when this happens, it means that it is still too soon to be contacting her and you may want to give her more time.

I know you feel hurt and you probably feel worthless right now because feel like your ex doesn’t want you. You are eager to feel loved and hopefully ‘My ex will know that I’m in another relationship and my ex will feel jealous, and will beg to come back.’ STOP. That’s not self-love. That’s called my-ex-is-still-the-center-of-my-universe. Everything you do is because you want to get your ex back. But actually, everything you do from now on, should be focused on yourself. 


It’s finally happening: you met a man you’re compatible with, you really like him, and the feeling is mutual. He’s showering you with attention, making plans to see you, making time to call you, and generally letting you know that he’s so happy to have found you. How does a man act when he’s falling in love? Just like this—and you’ve never been happier, or more thankful, to have him by your side.
3. Trying to make us jealous by using other guys. Don’t do that. We men support each other even when we don’t know each other. There is unsaid rule that we help guys who are getting backstabbed by womens. Instead wanting to chase you we wanna support these guys and tell them that they can find a better woman. Then we leave you because we got sick for your actions. Why we got sick? You used peoples and played with their feelings. You were being manipulative, disrespectful and your actions proved that you could do the same to us someday. Only desperate guy would chase you, but not a real men.
To be clear, I was in no way making him chase me. I was warm and responsive. I was letting him lead and extremely responsive to that. If he wrote me, I wrote him, if he said love you, I said love you too. If he called, I called him back. If he did something for me, I would call and thank him. As to having time… I was responsive to his calls (clear about when I had plans, but would schedule a specific time), had time for 2-3 hour calls when he was out of town, and made time while I was on the other side of the world. I had also been very clear I was super excited to see him, even freeing up a possible 10 days for us to spend time and get to know each other.
What you’ll realise though, is that, in order to be in your authentic feminine energy (if that’s what you are, underneath all the masks), then you’ll need to talk less and FEEL more, because talking often stops you from feeling. Once you feel more, and talk a little less, you are and WILL be naturally more feminine because you are being more of yourself.

Didn’t talk for a day. And I felt bad. I thought maybe I should wait a few days before I apologize. You know, let the fight fade and have her miss me, much like the no contact period. But I thought, I dont think a second no contact applies here... so i simply messaged her that i was sorry. She ignored my message (left me on read) leaving me feeling like shit. Hours later she replied. Simply said “its ok”.
The plenty of fish in the sea line isn’t quite as simple as some people make it out to be. The truth is that it’s a lot easier to figure out how to win someone back than to find someone with whom to build a long lasting sustainable relationship with! You already know your partner and share memories and a history together. There’s already something to build off of in a sense.

So now that we know what the reasons might be, it's easier to understand how to react or, more importantly, how not to react. After careful observation of love and dating, this is what I know to be true: Convincing a man to love you will never work. Trying to persuade him to see how great you are together is pointless. Sharing your feelings with the hopes he will realize how much he means to you will also get you nowhere.
You can’t just dive back into the relationship and expect everything to be different this time around. You broke up for a reason, probably several reasons, and those reasons will still be there unless properly dealt with. You can’t do the same thing and expect different results, that’s just insane (literally, I think that’s the actual definition of insanity).
Didn’t talk for a day. And I felt bad. I thought maybe I should wait a few days before I apologize. You know, let the fight fade and have her miss me, much like the no contact period. But I thought, I dont think a second no contact applies here... so i simply messaged her that i was sorry. She ignored my message (left me on read) leaving me feeling like shit. Hours later she replied. Simply said “its ok”.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 11 years and we’ve been engaged but nothing happened. We have a daughter and I feel he does not feel the same about me. We’ve had major issues but always end back together. We having problems now and I said I want a open honest loyal relationship but ye says I’m mad and I spy on him because I want him to invite me on his face book which I haven’t been on ever. I feel if he can’t allow hes full commitment it will never work. He’s friends with everyone we know on fb but me. It hurts and I’m really sad about this because he does not want to be open with me. He the LD me today he won’t give my way until I prove myself. I’m confused and don’t know what to do we live together with our daughter but feels like a nothing and I mean nothing to him…. Cf
Julia you hit the nail on the head I feel the same way .too many times i have heard its all the woman”s fault let him have his pity party while we set back and feel like crap because they cant handle emotions .well personally i think men should stand up and face things they are no more emotional then we are we need space and time too but do they let us? yes by never coming back because they didnt get the cake and eat it too so they go on to the next and next and the first poor women is left picking up the peaces while him and new women are flying high .i think we need to stop babying them
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After only a 2 month relationship, is it possible to get him back? or is it just a fling? I totally get what you mean about 30 days to miss you and such, but 30 days of no contact seems like a lot considering it would be half the time we were together. He is definitely moved on, he was back on Tinder the day after we broke up. He's been polite and kind in the few times I've reached out since, but I can tell he definitely has no interest anymore. I just can't shake the feeling that no contact won't work in this situation. He has no reason to dislike me or anything, but Im sure he just sees me as someone who he wasn't ultimately compatible with. I'm not sure time apart would change that.
To a degree I understand the the above. I now how I deserve to be treated, I now what my worth is and I’ve told my guy I deserve better if it makes him run for the hill so be it. It’s ok to retreat to man gave but get a little bit of communication in any relationship I called respect. Even if it’s I need time out. I’m sick off of hanging in the side line while he tries to figure wither I mean enough or not. I beleive I myself and respect myself enough to know when enough is enough. Xx

So you’ve mastered the ways to stop a man from withdrawing, and everything seemed to be headed in a rosier direction, it’s time to implement some positive communication skills. Once you’ve calmed down from analyzing and you’ve created some much-needed space, it’s time to figure out how to express how you’re feeling without causing more ripples in your relationship.
Most girls are attracted to the alpha male for deep biological reasons: They believe he can provide for them better, protect them better, and give her biologically fit children. Even if you don't think that alpha males are your ex's type, subtle changes might work on her: pump out your chest a bit, make an effort to work out your arms and thighs, and project strength.
The best new boyfriend advice is to drop any effort on your part to close that space. Resist the temptation to ask him what’s wrong or to step up your efforts in order to get a response from him. Don’t call him or email him or drop by his place. Let him make the choice to come to you. When he does, it also makes you feel better. It makes you feel desired by him.
Rachel Moheban-Wachtel, LCSW is a multilingual individual and couples psychotherapist who has had a private practice in New York City for nearly two decades. She specializes in relationship issues and provides in-person and virtual counseling. Please see Rachel’s website at relationshipsuite.com for more information. Get her FREE audios and lessons to help tame your anger, communicate more effectively and create more intimacy in your relationship.
Sometimes the man you’re missing is yours, and you want to stay in his mind. There are many things you can do to ensure he’ll think of you. Have you ever cleaned your room and found an old movie stub or small item and had memories rush back? It’s amazing what a tiny item can do. Make a point of leaving a small memento behind in your man’s car or house. When he sees that earring or hair clip, you’ll come to mind, and he’ll want to see you that much more. DO NOT leave behind a toothbrush or other items that are of an intimate nature because this will surely cause him to panic. Think cute when it comes leaving a little piece of you at his place and he won’t be able to take his mind off of you.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 21 days ago (I’ve been no contact for 20 days) he broke up with me using a cliche (I’m sorry for not communicating more, you deserve better). He had mentioned to me that he still loved me and thought the relationship could be saved, however I talks with my mom and had told her basically it was my fault we broke Up and that he didn’t think we could work it out. It was hard at first, I’ve invested a lot into the relationship, both financially( when his tv died I gave him mine, he didn’t have a car so my parents gave him my brothers 2014 Kia Forte and even let him on our insurance so he could pay less), emotionally, and physically(first). We’ve had countless firsts together (he used to be JW and didn’t celebrate holidays so every holiday was a first for him, plus we had other firsts..) he made a lot of commitments, even purchased a $400 promise ring.... anyway, I’ve been doing good in terms of my own recovery, lost weight, got tan, worked on my flaws, meet up with old friends, started playing tennis again, been on a few great dates.... he text me today actually on day 20, but I did not respond (it was a generic “hey Jordan”) he also text my mom and mentioned he wanted to take our dog (that I keep) to the canyon .... don’t want to read into it, but considering our history, what is your expert opinion on my progress and if our relationship can start anew?

I’m going through almost the same thing with an almost 2 year relationship.. We lived together for over a year and he is OCD and I’m a clutter/messy person.. I always would say our apartment was too small & couldn’t fit all of our stuff. He just would say that I had too much junk & didn’t clean good enough. :( Anyway we broke up over 10 days ago because he said I couldn’t change. So much stuff was happening with his family (parents moved to another state) and he could see/talk to them anymore. He became depressed, and withdrew emotionally from me. He barely even talked to me. I withdrew from him for a week before the breakup when his friend came over because he was also distant and it created tension between us. I went to my moms the weekend he took his friend home because they wanted boy time. I became clingy the day before he made me leave. I hope your situation worked itself out and you two are together or are working on things! Mine said that we were done for good, I’m not right for him even though he still loves me. I’m just waiting in limbo & silence for him to come back.
Think about the last argument that you had with your partner and use it to look for hidden messages in all that both you and your partner were trying to communicate. You should attempt to tune in your tone and try to tune in all that you wanted to convey. This will make you see the needs that you have in your relationship. Like in an argument, “You forgot to pick up milk when I reminded you several times,” really implies, “I miss you and want you to spend more time with me.”

Use this article as a guideline on what you should be doing, and improve on the areas you were lacking (insecurities, etc) before considering trying anything again. He could be right, but keep in mind that his cheating behavior is still wrong as long as he was in a relationship with you regardless of his reason. He could have expressed and communicated with you regarding what he felt instead of cheating just because he didn't feel satisfied with the sex. Do think about the entire situation and relationship, and decide for yourself whether he is right (about your shortcomings as a reason to break up) or just being unreasonable and finding excuses.

I been dating this man for 1yr he has pulled away from me 3x. The first two times I felt like I did something wrong to him cuz I never had any man pulled away from me before it was new and I seeked for answers. Right now I’m going through it which is the 3rd I reached out to him so he can see I care but its something that for us women need to get use to if we want our men in our life’s I respect him and my best way to cope with it its to… Read more »
To illustrate this, researchers asked sleep deprived students to remember a list of words. They were getting a high score on all the negative words (81%) but when it came to the positive ones or neutral ones, they were only getting about 31% of these right. Dr.Robert Stickgold has conducted similar experiments on sleep and memory.[5] Now you know why people are always in a bad mood when they do not get enough sleep.
It becomes our process and not just your own. We are available every single day, 365 days a year because we recognize that your love for your ex has no boundaries or days off! So if you are serious about doing everything possible to get back with your ex, don’t wait any longer and reach out to me or to a relationship expert from the love coach team here at WithMyExAgain.com.
This is great advice! However, I may be a little too late in receiving it. I like this guy and we had an amazing connection for a couple months. As soon as I decided he was someone I wanted to be with, we started doing everything together and I began outwardly letting him know I care. Now he seems barely interested at all. Is there recovery from this or is it time to just move on? Thank you
The best way to optimize your chances of getting your ex bf back is to become Ungettable Girl.  You want to increase your value in his eyes and also make it difficult for him to reach you, talk to you, and see you.  This is just a small part of becoming the Ungettable Girl.  It’s also about making yourself beautiful in his eyes from afar.  He can see you, but now it is at a distance (through Snap chat, Facebook, etc).   Slowly over time, your ex boyfriend will crave you and you will do things to ensure that he feels that craving every day by using little jealousy ploys and rumors and chance encounters.  Your ex boyfriend loves nothing more than a good chase – so give him one.
Similarly, Ive seen my brother go through something similar. He did the exact thing with his current girlfriend, he moved out for a week to retreat after a minor conflict, and she was so upset, leaving presents at the door and calling me to find out if he was ok etc. I had to tell her to stop and give him space. He came around, I didnt pressure him and didnt go into it much. But the up side is that he’s still with her now.
My boyfriend and I were together for 3 1/2 years. I ended things with him because I needed space, and i and thought I had feelings for someone else. After about 1 1/2 months I told him that I wanted to try and work things out, but he was talking to someone new. This was a couple months ago, and they’re actually dating now. I blocked him on everything and we stopped talking, but then he came into my work 3 weeks ago to see how I was. We talked briefly, and then he left. For the past 2 weeks we’ve been talking everyday, and he comes into my work to get food a couple times a week. About a week ago I told him that it was too hard to be his friend right now, and he said that he really wants me in his life and he would like me to try to still be his friend. He tells me that he still loves me, and maybe one day things will work out, but right now he just can’t handle being with me because i broke his heart. I actually do enjoy being his friend, and still having him in my life. But I feel like if I stay his friend while he has a gf, he’ll never actually want to try and work things out again. I also don’t want to be his second choice, if things don’t work out with him and his gf. I don’t know if I should stop being his friend or if I should just continue with how things are going.
If you find that you never ever want space from him, it’s time for you to start finding your own space anyway. It’s not healthy for couples to spend all their time together. It can cause you to neglect your friends, family, and self. You can start to rely too much on this man (and, in my mind, you always need just a dose of independence for yourself) and lose your identity.

Obviously, when you’re in love with someone, you want to spend much time with that person. But to create a feeling to miss you, you need to sometimes not be with him. You don’t always have to give up all your time for him. Your boyfriend is not going to miss you if you’re always available. Find things that you can put into yourself. Create your own space and time away from him. While it is important to spend time together to win his heart, it is equally important to give some space so that he’ll realize how special you are and how much he really misses you.
i don’t really agree that a woman’s gotta give a guy space under every circumstance because sometimes when people are in steady relationships there might be scenarios where real problems arise which might require a ‘down-time’ but either way the only solution is to talk about it, if a guy doesn’t wanna talk and he just dissapears he doesn’t have respect for the woman and is not interested at all,so for him it’s just a game and for the ladies it’s really painful.so keep away from these type of men,especially if they start to act like this in the early phases of dating and peculiarly if you met them online.these online dating guys are not trustworthy and have parallel contacts
Is it appropriate to post or allow friend to post pictures in my social media like FB of me with another male?? even if we are friends but it can come across as more then friends. Is been 3 months that my on-off boyfriend of 4 yrs left the house we share for the 3 years, his excuses was that I would be better without him, is not the first time he leaves but I had been the one who always reach out to him and “convince him to come back”, I want different results so is been 2 weeks that I staring applying the no contact method and he has not contact me either.
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