Problem is right now we are not really talking. We have not spoken except in very formal text messages (finalizing the breakup) since the day he said he wanted to break up with me. It's been about two weeks. He said that he would be willing to meet with me but seemed really defensive that I might just try to beg and plead again. I'm worried if I see him he will just keep trying to shut me off, even if that's not what I'm doing..
You need to give her space for three reasons: 1) People simply need space; if you can't give her any space, maybe that's something you can work on to show her that you've changed. 2) She'll get an opportunity to realize how good you are; not that she doesn't know this already, but she may not feel it in her bones. 3) You'll show her how independent you are on your own; the "rebel" is so attractive to women because he's totally on his own and doesn't need other people.
@ Sam after reading your post I really don’t understand your question because you did say you refuse to be with someone who showed you he doesn’t care about your health if only we women really Focus on men ACTIONS not his words ACTIONS tells us the Truth… I think you really know he doesn’t really care about you and you should treat him the same with the I Don’t Care Attitude and move on.
One thing to look out for: If he's acting extremely jealous or policing your every move, you need to really reevaluate things. And never tell yourself, "He's a nice guy and has done nothing wrong, so I guess I should be with him." "That's convincing yourself of something that's probably not right," Trespicio says. Bottom line: Be in a relationship where you feel good when you're without him, but you feel even better with him.
Plan surprise dates, leave her sweet notes, tell her she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and send her flowers for no reason at all. If you were in shape when you first met her, make an effort to stay that way. Often times these things go out the window after the first six months or year (and it’s probably no coincidence that sex starts to become less frequent around the same time).
Mindy eventually started no contact and decided to heal. Before contacting him again, we made sure that she has the right mindset about this. That she wants him back but does not need him. That if they get back together, it will be a new relationship and they will have to take things slow from the beginning. That he needed to be a different person as well if they wanted to make it work.
Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect. Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.” This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.)
Hi i just broke up with my bf and he came back and say sorry swear to change but i totally shut him off I'm still ego than i realize that i need him over everything. And I'm begging him this time but he already had a rebound love. I came to him and he said he love me things could change if i admit earlier. Cause he said he cant leave that girl bcs he isnt that type of man that leave girl when he already give hope. But before i go back he give me a ring. And i dont know how to react. And he even contact ne until now. Saying if i found someone new and have i still wearing the ring. I was like, what's the point all of this? Do he love me still or not. And i dont understand what should i do. I want him back but I'm not sure what to do. So pls help 😭
8 months now, we normally live together but he’s away sometimes to take care of the kids for like a week every month which no problem for me. He agreed that moving back to that location is good for the kids education but for her he’s not sure. However, my concern is that he now has to be away to that new location that his ex and kids will move to (it’s also his hometown), to help on finding the apartment and prepare for schooling.
Kimberly Seltzer is a Makeover & Confidence Expert, Therapist and Dating Coach based in Los Angeles. She utilizes the unique combined use of therapy, in-field date coaching, NLP and styling to help people with their confidence and dating life. She is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post, DigitalRomance.com, WorldLifeStyle.com and YourTango and is featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine, AskMen, Fox News Magazine, Redbook and Yahoo Shine. Check out Kimberly’s site seltzerstyle.com.
Without even realizing it, he’ll see how great being in a committed relationship is. It’s even better if you talk about it but you need to be careful. Instead of saying things like, “anything for my boyfriend.” Say something along the lines of, “I’ll do anything for someone I care so much about.” It’s less scary and proves to him that you really do care. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples go through]
More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:
Marriage is a tricky one. After years of being together it can seem monotonous and boring. People settle into a routine and then start to resent eachother after a while. A marriage takes work, from both parties. The trouble is trying to get that other person to want to want to work at it. No mean feat. If you are a woman it is all about understanding the male mind and why they do not want to open up and talk. You have to use the male lingo to get any headway here.
Let the royals care about titles. One of the biggest mistakes you can make during the early hook is to suggest or even hint that things have started to formalize by assigning the labels “girlfriend” and “boyfriend.” Even if you feel like things are going in the right direction and that your relationship is getting more serious, there’s an extremely wide gulf between just being someone you’re dating and someone who has been officially proclaimed a boyfriend. What your man wants you to know but won’t tell you is that affixing titles to the relationship too early is like holding up a cross to a vampire. We will often run fast and hard when we feel like we’re being boxed into something we don’t want or is too premature.
I came across this website by accident and read through the article. I have been seeing a guy from Tinder for three months. The first two and half months of dating was perfect and I did not see any flaws on him,which makes me feel upset at the moment. We were always hanging out at the same area. I saw him with another woman the other night and was questioned him who she was. He explained it was just a friend but no one would believe such excuse. Ever since that night, we did not talk to each other any more. He texted me back yesterday saying he thought things went out of control and we both overreacted. I replied him saying that we may overreact but he did not say anything. He said he was also upset. I was heart broken and the saddest thing is I still like him. But on the other hand, I don't want to approach him if he does care about me. What should I do? Should I move on? I always concerned of not able to find someone who is better than him. Please help.
The key to succeeding in this very first step is keeping your emotions in check. This is usually easier said than done, especially after a breakup when our emotions are usually running wild! When you miss your ex, it’s easy to let emotions and longing take hold, causing you to reach out to him in an attempt to stay on his mind, or maybe to reignite the spark.
My boyfriend and I had been living together for almost six months although we’ve been dating for close to 3 years. At first it was the perfect moments of our lives but along the way we started having pointless arguments and naughty attitudes toward each other. I couldn’t stand him and he always said it was because he loved me more. So he got another apartment and stopped staying with me. Now I miss him more than I ever have. We stopped fighting and eventually he invited me over for the weekend because he was dying to see me. After leaving, I missed him more and couldn’t do anything without him. He cried that he misses me more but I don’t think he does else he would have moved back in. Please any help making him miss me more than I miss him?
Ok so I don’t know how to start. My boyfriend and I had a 5 year age gap. And I recently just had him end a relationship of 1 year and like 9 months. We met on Facebook through a mutual friend and talked for a couple weeks in the beginning of Dec. 2016 until his birthday in January of 2017. Three days after his birthday party he invited me back over to hangout with him and the female mutual friend (who I met through work, she was like his older sister, she told me. And his neighbor) Anyway it was just me and him hanging out for a few hours and by the end of the night he romantically asked me to be his girlfriend, because we talked for weeks before meeting and he wanted to exclusively see me and date. I said yes. Fast forward maybe a month or a couple months and things were going great. We hungout on weekends, he came into my work to see me right after he got out from work almost every other day. It was very sweet. We went to movies, we went to his friends & his parents and were doing all kinds of stuff. People I knew from work would come to his house and hangout, watch movies, play games etc. Then I finally confessed to my parents that I was staying at his house (basically living there, I stayed 3 or more nights with him.) Everythjng was exciting and fun & sweet. Fast forward a week maybe and he asked me to move in. I said yes and told my parents my decision. I’m a cluttery/messy person.. and he’s OCD. Anyway after we were together over a year he said that maybe we should break up. He said he loved me very much but the house was always a mess (and I was working a ton of late nights as a pharmacy tech & always studying so I was tired. ) He told me the house being dirty was depressing and things with our relationship weren’t as exciting as the beginning. I managed to ask him to give me another try, I promised to keep the house clean & to do more activities with him. For a few months things were great, we went to his friends almost every weekend. We enjoyed activities with his & my parents. And we still hungout with our mutual friend (his neighbor).i ended up quitting my job and we went to Florida for 2weeks. We stayed with his family along the way and I met everyone. That was this past april. Things were great. We even recently went to Wisconsin together for a family wedding. Then tragedy hit over 10 days ago. His parents had moved down south before April, and I knew he missed them a lot. He rarely spoke compared to his every day phone calls with them. They were always busy now. So he invited one of his best friends to stay for a week with us to kinda pick himself back up I guess. It created tensions between us. We went to get him downstate for the weekend and I don’t like doing things outdoors/active.. idk why. Anyway ever since then he stopped holding my hand & kissing me goodbye before work. He even stopped kissing me when he got home from work, he withdrew from me almost completely, and I’ve always been clingy. But I was coming up on 7 months with no work and money was tight so I blamed it on that. Long story short he broke up with me 10 days ago. He said we are two different people and he needs an active and clean/neat partner. And I need someone to motivate and wake me up when repetition happens because I can deal with the same thing everyday. But not him. So for the past 7 months I’ve been trying to sell soaps. And he hasn’t been exactly supportive. He doesn’t talk about it. We would fight because he wouldn’t say anything positive he just would say oh cool. But he wasn’t negative or thought it was stupid either, I got his mom into the hobby. I miss him now. I don’t know if he will ever comeback. I’m desparate.. I was with him for almost 2 years, so many memories, i moved in with him and left my family & friends behind. They lived 30 minutes from where we lived. Nobody ever visited because of distance. I was ready to marry him, and at one point he did too. But the day we broke up he said something was missing in his life and he needed time alone. I have so much I could say, but this is already too long. And I recently made an okcupid account and found he had reactivsted his old one. I am so depressed that he’s moving on already. He didn’t want to give me anymore chances to change and he didn’t want to fix things.. But he swore up and down he’s always supported and loved me. He said he still loves me but we don’t work. Somebody please reply, I’m losing my best friend and the man I love. I know couples can change & grow together in relationships, I just feel because he’s depressed and isolated from everybody hat he’s pushing me away too.. I can do but leave him alone because he doesn’t like to message me anymore. I had a new phone he persuaded me to get with him when he wanted one too, everything was contract & in his name. It was a hassle to get it switched back to me & make payments w/o a job. Same with my car insurance. We were looking at houses and everything. It was like overnight he changed..
We did try to agree to be friends, and I even gave her gas money in exchange for giving me a ride home for the weekend for me to stay with my parents and work. However, over that weekend, I took some time to think and realized that trying to be friends right after a breakup with someone I had a relatively good relationship with until the last month would not be a good idea. That was when I came upon this article and started reading it as well. I realized that, while I do WANT us to be friends, it is probably not the best decision right now because my emotions are still very raw and I am very confused and I still have some strong feelings that I know that I would not be able to suppress or hide so easily around her. I also looked at the breakup from both sides. She, on the one hand, was the one who asked for the breakup. She was the one who initially asked for space. I on the other hand, after I got over the initial hurt, realized that what I was doing wrong was still showing neediness in asking to be friends directly and trying to still hold on to what was. What was between us has already been, and if there is to be a future, it cannot continue. I realized that although she initiated the breakup, I too need some space to work on myself and regain my securities and get in touch with those things that make me happy and confident and... Well, me. I need to learn how to be happy without her and realize that I am my own person and that her love does not define me. It feels great to have someone to love, certainly, but that cannot be the source of my happiness, nor can it be the only positive or "good" thing in my life. But, I feel like I'm getting too carried away in those things that should be common sense.
It has NOTHING to do with lying about your feelings, but about not chasing the other person when they need time and space, and TRUSTING the other person. When you chase, it basically signals him that you don’t trust him. Believe it, I know it’s counter-intuitive and for women, it’s a mystery, but it is TRUE. You want to date a guy, right? Then PLEASE understand it is natural for guys to want to find the balance between intimacy and independence, vulnerability and strength, relationship and freedom. If he need space, GIVE HIM SPACE. It says NOTHING about lying — it’s just it’s not the right time to discuss your feelings. Pick another time, like when you two are ready to have a talk — when he is feeling closer to you. Choose the right time and the right words. That’s all. No one says you should be lying about how you feel; and trust me, if you really are not happy to hear from him, then maybe you should just call it quits because that “love” is not real. I mean, if a child runs away and then comes back, would you ever feel and say “I don’t want to see you?” That’s just selfish, and love. Trust me, and this from a guy who has been on that side of the fence.
#1 Be fun and easy going. Guys are much less complicated than women, that much is for certain. They like things to be easy going and relaxed. Which means they don’t really want to commit to someone who’s going to add stress to their life. So be easy going and keep things light and fun. He’ll be much more willing to commit. [Read: 10 ways to prove that you’re girlfriend material]
Hey girl! so, Birsel-love, dear, while I’m no expert in the area of love, (I dont consider myself one at least) but, from women to women, from girl to girl, I would be of most happy to service you on my advice on this. Can I? May I? please? if so, then carry on, read, but honestly, if not, at least, at the bare minimum, would you mind considering this just a little? ‘kay? thank you, I appreciate your thoughtfulness, even if i don’t get to see you reading this, its a step.❤ ( WAY BELOW, AFTER THE DOT LINE, IS some expert ADVICE: check it out; she’s yrs married now)
My boyfriend and I broke up March 26th. We got in a huge fight and I said some mean things. I pretty much begged my way back to him. That lasted a month. During that month, he was very distant and wouldn’t really make plans with me. Mind you, before we started dating we were best friends for a year. He broke up with me one week ago. We didn’t talk for 3 days until we ran into each other at a concert. He was a little drunk, so i took care of him. He texted me the next morning and we talked for a bit, the next day i asked him if he wanted to see the new Deadpool movie. His response was “maybe” he then said maybe some space would do us good. And we haven’t talked since. He told me when he saw me that he “didn’t love me like that” anymore. Do you think i have a chance? Should i spend time working on me, and then contact him and try to get our friendship back and then hope we get back together? Or should i just move on? I really love him and want to be with him, he is still my bestfriend after all.
'Never look back' That's what they say, right? And most of us fully subscribe to this. Exes are exes for a reason, aren't they? And up until last year, I was the world's biggest advocate of leaving the past in the past. I've never stayed friends with any of my exes (because I think there is literally no point) and I'd certainly never considered getting back with one of them. Hell no.
You'll have to try and figure out what it was that made him break up so suddenly with you before you can determine the steps to take. For the time being, focus on self-recovery and pick yourself up from the breakup and perhaps even come to terms with it. If not, you won't be able to take the proper steps in trying to win him back. You can apply no contact for now, and when you've recovered, to attempt in re-connecting with him. Hopefully by that stage he would have unblocked you and be more receptive towards you.
Wow!! All I can say is thank you for writing. You have an awesome way of saying things, straight to the point no BS. This is what people need I tell all my friends about anew mode, lol I even quote some things you say on Facebook. I’ve been married for twelve years and I love reading your articles because it makes me a better person, wife lover!! Thanks again!
I know you feel hurt and you probably feel worthless right now because feel like your ex doesn’t want you. You are eager to feel loved and hopefully ‘My ex will know that I’m in another relationship and my ex will feel jealous, and will beg to come back.’ STOP. That’s not self-love. That’s called my-ex-is-still-the-center-of-my-universe. Everything you do is because you want to get your ex back. But actually, everything you do from now on, should be focused on yourself.
It works better with guys you know in real life, but if you’re having trouble getting started then pick your favorite actor. The important part is that you do this once per day, and that you really stick with it. It might not seem like it’s doing much at first, but in reality it’s detoxing your mind consciously and unconsciously from your ex, and putting you in a much better mental state.