This was and interesting article. I’ve been seen a man for nearly a year. He has told me he loves me, but I get mixed messages and it’s causing me to be confused about the longevity of our relationship. He doesn’t plan time for dates or going out. He might say come to dinner the next day, but I might not hear from him about dinner, like he forgot. I feel that a lot of what we do is based on him and although he might ask my opinion, it’s often is not taken. I don’t feel like a priority to him. I’m confused, but I am in love with him. Help


Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!
I think you’re focusing WAY too much on him and what he’s feeling. You’re focusing on the fear you have of losing him rather than focusing on your happiness. You have to ask yourself how you feel about yourself in this relationship as is. Do you feel your confidence, or do you feel insecure? No man is worth being with if you feel insecure. And if you do feel it, you have to change your dynamic and approach so you can get that confidence back. A man LOVES a confident woman, and you’ll feel better about yourself being confident, anyway. The way to get confident and attract him or any other man to you is by focusing on YOURSELF. You need to make sure you’re happy on your own before you can be happy with a man. This doesn’t mean you need to be single to get happy—just have a fulfilling life for yourself outside of a man. Don’t let him be the ONLY valuable thing or person you have in your life. You need to be excited about more in your day than your bf. You have to have other things going for you that make you happy. Once you can sustain happiness without the need of a man, you’ll have your confidence and this will be attractive to other men (and possibly your ex). The key is to not lose the focus on YOU even when you do get into a relationship or the relationship deepens. NEVER lose sight of your happiness. You need to continue having a fulfilling life outside of HIM. Once you start losing that grasp on yourself and get more caught up within the relationship, you’ll start to depend on him for your happiness—and he’ll withdraw again. Even if he withdrew for other reasons, chasing after him as if you can’t live without him will only push him away further. If he is a good man who is emotionally available and TRULY wants you, I promise he will come back. You don’t chase him, you don’t contact him. Let him contact you. Give him the chance to miss you. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a year or more. It’s however long it takes him to miss you, IF he truly wants you (took my guy 8 months). In the meantime, you don’t wait on him. You focus on yourself and getting your happiness and confidence. Fill your life with people and hobbies you love. Try new things you haven’t tried before. Change jobs if the one you have makes you miserable. Do what you need to do to give yourself a fulfilling life. Make sure you have your days full of plans so you don’t give yourself the chance to sit and mope about your breakup. That’s not going to help you. You need to show yourself how great life can be, even if he’s not in it. If he never reaches out, then he doesn’t truly want you—and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want them? Don’t wait around for him. Focus on you. He will come back if he truly wants you, and you have to continue to focus on yourself even if he does. If he doesn’t come back, you’re going to be fine because you’re nurturing your happiness and confidence. PLEASE don’t lose sight of yourself, ever. It’s your golden ticket to happiness and to a great man who will love and respect you.
When you follow the no contact rule, you give him the time and space to miss you. This can only happen in your absence, not in your presence. By reaching out too soon, you risk falling into a post-relationship relationship. Meaning you talk on occasion and you hang out from time to time, but your relationship is totally undefined and the needle doesn’t seem to be moving in one direction or the other. That’s because you’re both lacking clarity and that’s because you need a period of no contact to get your minds straight. If you don’t take this time, everything will remain cloudy and confusing.
When men pull back, goddesses don't chase them; they don't try to figure men out; they don't play chess with men. They refuse to expend their precious energy in that way! Goddesses do feel their feelings; they do take care of themselves. They do communicate how they feel. And they do enforce personal boundaries by telling men what they want and don't want to feel in a relationship.
Hi, I could really use some advice. Me and my girlfriend of 9 months just broke up about 2 weeks ago. I wish I would have read this article day 1 because I've broken every rule on here almost. This article is amazing and is helping me cope a lot. So anyways, me and my ex knew each other as aquaintances for about 7 1/2 years. She was in a relationship the whole time I knew her until I found out she had broken up with her boyfriend. We got together about 3 months after she broke her 7 year relationship. It was amazing constant love and attention doing little things for each other, taking care of each other, we moved in together after about a month and a half although we stayed with each other constantly before we moved I. Together. The whole time we were together it was amazing, we had our ups and downs but nothing too terrible. I screwed up and looked at naked pictures of one of her friends online, at the time I felt it was harmless but she found out and I realize how bad I hurt her. She almost left me right there. But we we're fixing things and it was going great, then she goes to California for work for a week and sleeps with another guy. Then comes home and tells me immediatly about it and that she can't do this anymore, but she made it clear she still loves me. She just doesn't know what she wants. She is now and has been seeing a guy since a day or 2 after we broke up and theyve been spending all their time together. I won't her back of course, and I know she still loves and cares about me. I'm just worried about loosing her completely. I'm going to try everything this article said to do and hope it works. But I was wondering if you think i was a rebound relationship or if this guy is a rebound relationship. Today will be day 1 of no contact.
I have a question that I'm struggling to find the answer to. About 2 days into no contact my ex asked me to come by and pick up some of my stuff I left behind at her place. Around 5 days in she found someone had searched for porn websites in the browser search history on her PS3. She accused me and wanted an explanation, though I am certain it wasn't me. I don't watch porn, let alone on my gf's playstation. I didn't reply on both occasions, and haven't heard from her since. I'm coming up on 30 days soon, and I've drafted a couple elephant letters. So my question is: Do I address these false allegations in the letter? Or simply ignore them and address them only if they come up again in the future? I feel like both options have potential pros and cons, so I need a deciding factor. Thanks :)

You've been seeing this guy at least once a week for a few months now. You're both sushi aficionados, his big brown eyes make you melt, and he even laughs out loud at The Mindy Project. It's great—except that you have no idea where things stand. He has yet to introduce you as his girlfriend or bring up being exclusive, and you're craving that "couple" title and the security that comes with it. Talk about blurred lines.
I didn’t realize it then, but I don’t think I should’ve jumped back into the relationship so quickly. Because very soon afterwards, I started to fall into another slump after I lost two jobs within two months. I was stressed again, and started to feel depressed without realizing how much I put on his shoulders. He never complained. He was there for me. I feel like I took it for granted a little bit.
Guys become distant because we lose interest in you. It might be the way you dress, how you talk about the same problems over and over again, etc. If you wouldn’t cry, whine, cause drama about it, etc, we’d be up front and move on. But because it’s a process with potentially more talking, complaining, crying, etc… we just start to ignore you more and more until you decide you’re mad or over it. It’s just easier.
Getting back on his feet involved reconnecting with old friends, and making contact with new ones as he pursued interests in activities he enjoyed. He joined a book group, found a place with religious services that he liked. He recalled the sports activities that in better times, he used to enjoy and returned to doing those activities again. Bit by bit, his spirits lifted.
You know something is wrong if you are always crying or feeling bad about what has happened and you can quite get over it.  You also know it can be frustrating when you can seem to figure out what to text or what to say to your ex bf.  Well, the solution is you can join my Private Facebook Support Group and/or pick up your copy of the Texting Bible and get the emotional support and answers your need.
#7 He has low self-esteem. If you’ve been together for a while and things have not gone financially the way that he thought they would, he may be feeling inadequate. When a man feels like he can’t provide the way that he wants to, the pressure of being with someone he loves can become overwhelming. Transferring his feelings of inadequacy to you, he may unwittingly be pulling away due to his own feelings of inadequacy, blaming you for his failures.
Once you're in the bedroom (and aware of his insecurities), remind him of how much you enjoy being intimate. For example, if he's worried about his weight, maybe give him a sexy once-over and tell him how how buff he looks naked. Other key areas to compliment: His gut, as men often worry about the size of it (and other measurable parts), and their hair, as guys tend to feel self-conscious once they start losing it.
There is no point in playing games, to make this work just simply forget about it and you will soon see a difference whether will be in a few weeks or a few months. Everyone is different and every relationship is different and sometime the best thing to do is to forget about making him commit and let it happen naturally. I have every confidence technique will work.
whenever I ask him what’s wrong with him it takes a while before I get just one sentence out of him, this has affected our relationship as communication is being lacked. Ik he’s a guy and doesn’t want to seem vulnerable I understand that but we had a over the text argument more like me yelling at him even though for days I have asked him if we can talk in person so we can settle this in person so no communication is being misinterpreted but all he did was bring up lil excuses not to talk to me or I’d ask him when we would be able to and he’d be like “Idk” and because of that I would overthink everything and then just hold everything in until finally I exploded. I usually hold my tounge with being sweet and patient and I was like that for about 3 days but I was done with him not talking about what is going on with him and us and it all started when I gave him the impression that I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. We were in the car and I was jumbling all my feelings and not even knowing what I was saying, I said to him that I wanted some space to get myself together so that I could love myself more for this relationship. And I think all he got from me talking was that I wanted space and that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him because that’s usually something somebody would say if they wanted to end it slowly without saying “I wanna break up with you”. I shouldn’t of worded it like that but keep in mind I was PMSing to the max and I even told him that was why I freaked out on him and to try to understand not to take anything I say personal or even seriously.
Hey Kelly, pretty much the same here.. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years, I moved in with him after a few months because everything was going great and he wanted to spend more time together. I was aware he was OCD, and he was aware that I was not a neat person. I live in clutter. My parents live in the country so we didn’t have anyplace to dispose of unwanted items/clothes or garbage. (We burn our garbage) anyway that’s how my life was, and it became a habit to be cluttery. I had More things than I needed, I never got rid of anything old. And I have issues with my own family where nobody talks to anybody. I was extremely close to my parents because we never had anybody else. Anyway, I told my boyfriend before I moved in that I was messy and made him promise not to ever give up on me, to be patient and to motivate me because I’m not self motivated unless it comes to work. At home I’m lazy and relax, I am not active. Lately he’s been dealing with a lot of stress, massive amounts of overtime for the past couple months and his parents left to live in a state 5 states away from us down south. Communication with them has become harder because of Hurricanes & their busy schedules. So as a result he became depressed. Our only friend and neighbor we hungout with slowly became depressed too, and she stopped hanging out with us. Our world got smaller, just me & him. And he stopped doing ANYTHING pretty much. He was sleeping a lot and I can’t recall before our breakup any time we spent together (aside from going to a wedding & to get a friend of his who stayed for a week.) AND WE LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE. I feel his depression was a result of his own actions, he stopped doing things he use to. And me not having a job made me cling to every second we spent together. Just everything came crashing down on us. I feel we didn’t fail each other like he thinks, because we are both different. But rather I feel we just were going through a rough patch that happens with couples. The honeymoon wore off. We had to put effort in now because things were depressing and not easy. And he thought it was underlining issues so he no longer wanted to work things out. I hope you two fixed things. How are you?
He has been staying at his mom’s house since the breakup. Everyone who knows us cannot believe what happened. They all say “love is dead!” and “I could have sworn he was the one”…. “You two were perfect for each other” and I am with them. I did think he was the one. He is one of the most amazing, kind, generous men that I have ever met. I truly believe that he is going through a funk and an early mid-life crisis. Then there is another part of me that believes that the man that I am in love with should love me through thick and thin. And if he doesn’t, then he doesn’t deserve me.
You don't have to stay in the dark forever, though. If it's been about six months and he hasn't dropped one hint about where he sees this going, casually speak up, says Jennifer Kelman, a licensed social worker and relationship expert at Pearl.com. For example, if you'd like him to meet your parents, ask if he'd be up for going out to dinner with them, but let him know there's no harm if he's not quite ready for that yet. Above all, keep the tone light and maintain open lines of communication.
In this type of situation usually, the man will go back to the wife especially if there are kids involved because it is easier financially. As you know these relationships are not healthy and you do not deserve to be the other woman. You have more to offer than just being that. Even though he showered you with love and affection that is not enough. I believe what you should do moving forward is take a break and focus on you and see if he makes a move to file for divorce and be with you. Please feel free to reach out to me for a private session if you would like some guidance. I am here for you! 🙂

So me and my ex have been going out for ten months and about 5 days ago she said she was unhappy about how ive been treating her the last few weeks (no effort etc), i have very important exams coming up that she knew about which i need to revise for and have accidently distnaced myself from her because of them, i asked her why she didnt say anyrhing sooner and she said 'i wanted to see if anything changed' in the following 2 days she broke up with me and shes just changed her profile picture to something not with us in, she lives very far away 250 miles but i go down as often as i can to see her but its hard at the moment due to these exams and my stress, it seems all rushed and like shes serious but i dont think shes had time to rationalise it properly can you help?!

You didn't take control of the pace of the relationship. You didn't let him miss you. You gave all of yourself to him right from the start and there was nothing to miss. A lot of women assume that just because a guy really wants to keep seeing them, they should do this. However, my advice is to put the brakes on. Let him have space. Let him yearn for you a little bit, because that space is going to allow you to get to know each other, instead of just giving in and seeing each other every single night. You guys are still strangers and then suddenly the entire relationship just burns up into flames. He realizes, maybe it's moving a little bit fast and he wants to slow things down, and then you get mad and the whole thing ends. We don't want that to happen. So, again, move slower than he wants.

One of the best ways to make a guy miss you is to have fun without him. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but your guy wants to be the only thing that makes you happy. If you’re having fun without him (a girls’ night out, some really cool skydiving lessons, etc.), then he’s going to want to be part of the fun. Men like to be the ones to make you smile, and if you’re smiling without him he’ll notice and he’ll pay more attention.
Showering your ex with affection has the same effect of the first three deadly sins. Trying to convince your ex that he should be with you by giving him all the attention, pouring compliments over him, sending him love notes or whatever will not work. The only way your ex will be convinced of your value is if you make yourself valuable, not if you demean yourself and act out of needy desperation.
One question. During this time of me really focusing on myself and trying to understand our situation better. Would it be wise the next time we talk face to face to discuss our future relationship (If we decide to be together again) to mention why things went so wrong in the last one and see if we're willing to set boundaries to not make those mistakes again? A little more insight into our relationship issues. So when we first met he still had a girlfriend. It honestly got under my skin all throughout the relationship because we were Long distance and he never really gave me a clear timeline of when they truly broke up and when we started talking. It made me insecure most of the relationship because early on in the relationship he'd go hours without talking to me. I went through his phone and saw he had met up with her claiming to console her because she was depressed/suicidal. Etc. I should have never got with him until I was comfortable, I realize that now. We started on the wrong foot. Then a series of events where he posted another girl on his page (He deleted it after I told him I didnt feel comfortable, he had no pics of me on his page), confused me with the same girl, and went out with friends with the girl. All without properly communicating with me. I had no issue with him having female friends but his communication about his friends was off. So the Trust and communication really needed work. It was so hard because we were in an LDR. He didnt know how to maintain, honestly. Overall he was a wonderful guy, he just wasnt the greatest at communication when we were apart. Together he was perfect. I felt in the loop. He started to make changes toward the middle/end of the last year of the relationship. So I know he's capable. I dont want to keep bringing up the past but I want to make sure this go around the boundaries are clearer. He broke up with me but I knew the end was near. We both had a lot to work on.
Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now he used to be like the best thing ever made be feel loved like never before. But of recent he got in to medical school and it started stressing him out and he started giving me less attention and I was actually going through a lot during this period and he was so busy that he wasn’t giving me attention so I started complaining and fighting with him a lot and asking for more attention but eventually he started avoiding me and every time I am with him and his not doing what I want I would start crying and I could feel him drifting away more and more then I spoke to him one night and he said he was indifferent about the relationship and wants us to be friends I cried so much and begged him for a second chance he actually really cares for me this Part I know out of pity he gave me a second chance then a few days ago he sent a random text saying his sorry he ever hurt me and he loves me so much but he still doesn’t call or text me much it hurts cause I really love him and I don’t want to loose i just need advice on what to do because all I want to do is talk to him every time but I don’t want to chock him and if his online and doesn’t text me I start to feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me the thing is how do i give him space and still make him love me as much as he used to
However, if your ideal lifestyle includes a partner and you’re still dating, it’s important to be upfront about who you are and what’s important to you in a relationship. Don’t hide your success.  A life partner needs to be able to accept you as a career professional and be comfortable with your potential role as family breadwinner (if that’s who you are – or are likely to become). Conversely, you also need to accept your partner’s earning capacity in terms of your relationship and more.
I've been with my ex for a few happy months, and during which, we were not officially a couple ( though everyone around us assumed we were), because he also had a long-distance relationship that's been going on for a year. He mentioned that they were also 'just dating' as she's not his girlfriend, and I allowed it to happen then, hoping he would choose me.
Deal lauren. I am a fan of mars and venus books and i have all the collection. I also recommended the books to my friends. But i still need your advice , my bf broke up with me 4 months ago. he felt overwhelmed, asked space and said he has nothing to say other than he needs to be alone. Since than i tried everything includinf suggesting to be friends and told him im over the break up and want my friend back. We work together, we were close friends for 6 months and we dated for 4 months. So after the friendship speech, he panicked and ended the conversation by saying lets keep it simple and move on. So i decided to start a true limited contact ( since i hv to work with him daily), since than he called once for work purpose (i think) but didnt answer him, he asked once how i was doing ( i replied im gd only) he tried a few jokes, and we met at a friends wedding so he invited me to dance with our other friends but i declined. I am commited to NC. He also invited me for a coffee at the work coffee shop and touched my hand once. My reactions were simple and didnt show attention or neediness. Than suddenly he went distant again and start ignoring me all over again. Im completly lost. I thought he starts to get closer!!!Please advice. Thank you ...
What a d*ck. You look gorgeous, BTW, I don’t think it’s you, I think it’s him. Having said that – big mistake you made was when he said he needed space – you should NOT have texted him! I know it’s easy to make that mistake, I’ve done it myself. When a guy says he needs space – give it to him in busloads. Don’t text, don’t call, etc. Just leave him alone. Give your phone to your best friend if you need to to keep yourself from calling him in a moment of weakness. Schedule activities every night if you need to – put in more time at work, spend time with friends, work out, get a massage… get a second job. ANYTHING! Just do NOT contact him.
Wow! What a fantastic article! As I was reading through it, I was mentally ticking which of the qualities I already possess or things I’m already doing that are being mentioned in the article. I am very happy to say that in my current relationship, I’m either already doing all 4 things or one of them, I had already thought of doing that yesterday but have to wait until at least tonight to put it into motion. It’s only been 6 months and those have been fraught with obstacles, but so far, we seem to have survived all of them and I’m positive that we will survive the latest devastating thing that has come up just recently.
Hi Alexandra, This is exactly what happens to me. A lot. Do everything by the book and it does not produce results. Generally you suddenly see these guys with some bland Miss Piggy woman a month or so later. From what I have understood so far, these men think they are not good enough for you. Unfortunately, I never found any way of solving this. Once they believe this, you cannot change it. Only he can. Just find a guy who thinks he IS worthy of you. Very hard to find. Classy agency is your best bet.
A thing you should consider first in a situation like this, is,- ask yourself this……what EXACTLY was it, in the 1st place,-that my beloved had fallen for me? what made him feel the impulsing feeling of that magnetic ATTRACTION to renovate his lumbering gaze on me, much less, delve into oblivion with the action he hath partook? Have I exuded ANY femininity while I had been in his presence? men thrive from the uniqueness of CARE; like treatment from that of a wounded soldier, and yeah, they do feel like they go into battle EVERY single day,weither they really do or not.Doesn’t matter. AND honestly? thats what they look for in a partner… i mean, what if you were in THEIR situation?- and the guy you just happen to like, stepped on a landmine right after you had JUST finish fighting in a war, and instead of getting hugs and kisses, in other words, COMFORT, and the ADDITION of VALUE, you get Angry yelling, unapreciated comnents, and Lots of VEXING thoughts. Tell me, dear, sweet, would that make you happy to come home to? no right? instead of saying ‘ its ABOUT ABOUT TIME YOU ANSWERED ME YOU @$$, IVE BEEN WAITIN, AND I THINK YOU SHOULD BE MORE ACTIVE IN YOUR REPSONSE….ETC(Basically negative feedback)’ (btw, you messed up BIG TIME when you told him Not to show you when hes depresed-sad, you dont need to know exactly WHY, but in terms of this, he was LOOKING in you some comfort, some support,-tenderness, a place to lay his burdens on, and when he DIDNT find that in you, he left) which is WHY u need to FIX it, the damage done, and built his TRUST in you again, that he can count on you when it counts. the use of TONE in which we insinuate our thoughts in, (also, be careful in how you WORD THOUGHTS ACROSS, it tends to be deadly as it has a massive impact on the outcome) unravels the femininity, a proccess in which the fundamental VALUE we bridge across, changes the way in which a man then goes to Perceives us, FEELS us, HEARS us. cause men, much like anyone else, can filter stuff out to our own convenience. But, when one expresses through our own raw feelings directly, (that’s a completely differin concept altogether) face to face, we strikingly, with great sembleance, exude the love in which men so desire, CRAVE even, to have taken CARE of, and that, my dear, is just the beginning. listen, sweetheart, you need closure, or at least meet face to face just once with this man (various times honestly) and be DISCREET in your pursuing, lest you show up LOW VALUE and give him the reins. Now, DONT make the mistake of becoming friends when you get reacquainted, thats ONE of the worst MISTAKES you can MAKE. that’d just built a pattern that’d KILL any, and All attraction he has left. ATTRACRION is built by the phase of an unknown instability. A tease of sorts. Built that up. you have to your ADVANTAGE the memories you two sweethearts have built together, a connection, a vibration of melodies of sorts-thats something no other girl has, USE it. this works EVEN IF he has started dating other women. I mean, you have the memories, the spark, the electricity. they dont, at least, NOT YET. Insunuating is the key, make him feel happy and luvely is the goal, let him roam around the idea of what a mistake he had made in cutting you short. just DONT act Hasty. thats bad. VERY bad. attraction can be built, just remember that, so, why are you hurrying? A key term you should realize when goading him to chase you and rekindle that spark in him, is, to +VALUE to his life. Not subtract it.
Freud once called female sexuality "the dark continent," and if that's true, then male sexuality might as well be the dark planet. Because when it comes to sex, men are far from simple. (As much as they may try to convince us otherwise.) The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, so what you see on TV is typically far from what can (and should) be delivered in reality. That's why sex experts chimed in with more accurate insight about what guys really want you to know when the two of you climb into bed.
This article is completely speaking to my current situation. It definitely seems like my guy is pulling away a little bit, still answering texts and things but very barely, not making plans to see me this weekend, etc., but all of the signs up until this point were that he was very into me. I tried reaching out to him a little more than I usually have been in response, but I’m going to pull back a little bit and give him the space he needs and let him come to me as this article says.
Ok firstly all the hormone talk is true and your man goes through a 30 day cycle just like our 28 day cycle but opposite hormones. If your man is constantly pulling away not answering messages etc he is not finding himself he is rude, inconsiderate and needs to get his act together cause these ones head for divorce number 4 before the end of their lives. A man wanting time to himself is fine, go to the man cave but you have responsibilities here at home, don’t forget those or you’re in the doghouse. You pull away expect your woman to pull away right back, were not your Mummas be a man, a man never makes his woman Chase him. A man loves the Chase. Raise your son’s to have respect for women. Because going into their mancaves for days or weeks says these things: 1. You’re a control freak narcissist, 2. You have no love or respect or hmbleness in your heart, 3. Your woman is now available! ye! That’s right ladies say bye! You deserve better. Good luck.
While it's nice to consult your girl friends or bros about relationship issues, keep in mind that every relationship is different and what works for one couple may not work for you. This also means that not everyone is going to understand why you do what you do; it may not make sense to your best friend why you chose to give up something you once loved for your significant other — and that's OK.
I’m doing no contact and it’s giving me perspective and I’m working on my own emotions and self esteem and realising a lot about myself. I feel like if we both hadn’t been going through stuff and because of the distance. In a way although this is hard I see it as a blessing as it’s made me make changes mainly in the way I feel I don’t think I would have otherwise. I do want to talk to him again and I care about him but doing no contacts as much for him as it is myself. I don’t want to talk to him from a place of blame but one of giving and what I want to give is my confidence, mysetry, joy and best self and love myself completely so I can give them my best self. I really don’t want him out of my life despite what’s happened and am going to work on becoming my most attractive, happy, radiant and confident. You’ve seen so many people in this situation do you think it would be the right thing I’ve ive had and given him more space to talk to him I really want to and what would the best way of going about it?
You hate cricket but pretend to follow it just for your boyfriend. If this has been going on for months, and one fine day you lose it and scream, “I just hate this game!” Be ready for the guy to scream back that he doesn’t like your chicken biryani (though he loved it last week). Consider this a turning point. Shah explains, “The first phase of the relationship is rosy. The real test is when you start speaking up frankly and that is the phase of acceptance. In this phase, you want the other person to accept you as well as be your own self in different situations. The Reiss Wheel Theory of Love states that the second phase is when the worst in people shows up. Things such as their limitations and how the other person takes it calls whether you want to continue or give up.”
“A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is a natural cycle. As men experience this instinctive urge to fulfill their need for independence or autonomy, they pull away much like a rubber band that is stretched to its limit. Like the rubber band, a man has nowhere else to go but back. When he has done so, like the rubber band, he will return with a lot of power and spring. If a woman expects her partner to be close and intimate all of the time, the rubber band will turn limp and flaccid. His power and strength, like the rubber band, is gone. Simply put, if a woman quietly accepts her partner’s instinctive urge to pull away, she will be rewarded by his eventual return.” ~ John Gray
My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me in August, reason being she felt I don’t need her. I basically did all the things deadly mistake you mentioned above before i found this website. Affection, angry, begging, name calling etc you named it, I already done that. I realized my mistakes now. she recently blocked me from message and call her, whatsspp etc. she said she doesn’t want me anymore and move on. what should i do to win her back?
Right now is your time.  While your instincts are to obsess over your ex boyfriend and run through your mind over and over again as to what you did wrong, you have to stop thinking this way.  So what I want you to do is start writing down your vision of the future and what you want.  Don’t think so much about what happened in the past, but focus on what you are going to do to start healing.
The worst thing you can do in a deal is seem desperate to make it. Leverage is your biggest strength – it means having something the other person wants or can’t do without. She decides it’s in her best interest to commit. Most people don’t want to “brag”. I say do it. BRAG! Don’t be afraid to talk about your good qualities and what you have to bring to a relationship. If you don’t tell her then who will?
So true! You can’t coerce someone to be with you. When a guy wants to be with you they just will. That is what happened with my current boyrfriend. We dated before and he didn’t want a commitment. We broke up and dated other people. We started talking again after many months of being apart, became friends for some time and began spending more time together. It naturally came together well and after time we verbally agreed that we were together and just wanted to be with each other. End of story. It’s very simple.
For years Peter had reacted to Paulette's complaints about him with defensiveness. When he did allow himself to hear information about what he was doing that troubled his wife, he'd get mad at himself.  Listening to her had escalated his agitation and distress instead of leading to learning. Now Peter decided he'd better address her concerns, beginning by writing out a list of all he could recall. "Information is power," he reminded himself to ease the sting of shame and guilt. 
Me and my exboyfriend for almost 3 years, we even made plans for getting marry, how the ceremony was gonna be and even picked our Kids name in case I get pregnant in the future. He told me that has been texting with another women that he met on internet for over 7 weeks and he said that nothing happened because she lives in another state but still that he had thought about cheating on me. He told me that he can’t forgive himself for what he did to me and it seems that he also kind of lost interest in me because he says that when I text him or call him he preferred doing something else than that until I call him again and then he will pick up the call. Because of work I moved to another country till February of next year and we were working pretty good in the long distance relationship and planned that once I was done with that we were gonna move together. He says that he still loves me but that what he did to me is not fair, that the name I started dating years ago was a good guy that was always proud of himself about being a good boyfriend and now he doesn’t wrong why went wrong. He asked me for some break time and when I asked how long I have to wait, he said that he doesn’t know and that I should keep living my life. I still have my personal belongings in his house so anytime I’m gonna have to talk to him about it. I still love him even with what he did to me and I knew he was depressed so I kind of understand but I don’t know what should I do. I’m going back on May 2019.
One of the best ways to make a guy miss you is to have fun without him. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but your guy wants to be the only thing that makes you happy. If you’re having fun without him (a girls’ night out, some really cool skydiving lessons, etc.), then he’s going to want to be part of the fun. Men like to be the ones to make you smile, and if you’re smiling without him he’ll notice and he’ll pay more attention.
I have a question that I'm struggling to find the answer to. About 2 days into no contact my ex asked me to come by and pick up some of my stuff I left behind at her place. Around 5 days in she found someone had searched for porn websites in the browser search history on her PS3. She accused me and wanted an explanation, though I am certain it wasn't me. I don't watch porn, let alone on my gf's playstation. I didn't reply on both occasions, and haven't heard from her since. I'm coming up on 30 days soon, and I've drafted a couple elephant letters. So my question is: Do I address these false allegations in the letter? Or simply ignore them and address them only if they come up again in the future? I feel like both options have potential pros and cons, so I need a deciding factor. Thanks :)
Have conversations that are substantive. In order to not seem like you are reading your bio or asking them interrogative questions, have conversations in a story telling style. Tell stories about life markers and experiences that shifted your perspective and impacted your personality. If you want a relationship with short term potential, stick with small talk. But if you are truly ready for something real, you’ve got to get real. That is how you will truly connect on a date.
Another reason your man act differently is based on fear. Maybe he’s been hurt in the past. Or maybe the idea of commitment simply petrifies him. If you two can discuss whatever the issue is and begin to deal with it, there’s a good chance that you can then begin to create something real and lasting together. Often, fears crop up in a relationship because a person wants to deal with those doubts and move past them. If you can be a steady, reassuring partner that isn’t pushing too hard, while he deals with what’s scaring him, you two just might build a foundation together.
Hello. How can I arrange a phone consultation with you, Eric? Your straight-forward advice sounds reasonable and sound to me. I am in a 4-month old relationship with my boyfriend. I love him and he says he loves me, but he says he is afraid of hurting me. He confessed that he loves the excitement and euphoria when a relationship is new but gets bored and dissatisfied when the newness wears off. He is afraid that this will happen again and he will hurt me. He said I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him, that I treat him better than any other woman he’s ever been with and that he wants me in his life forever, even if that mean just being friends later. He hasn’t asked me to move in, hasn’t discussed marriage, but says he wants a future a with me. I don’t get this at all. My gut tells me he loves me but not enough. I want a future with him, including the whole ball of wax of marriage, but he says he doesn’t know if he wants to marry me or not, that we should just enjoy each other and live day to day. Sounds like bs to me. But I find it hard to be objective. He has been hurt deeply by past women who have betrayed and used him. I need help figuring this all out. Thank you very much.
A thing you should consider first in a situation like this, is,- ask yourself this……what EXACTLY was it, in the 1st place,-that my beloved had fallen for me? what made him feel the impulsing feeling of that magnetic ATTRACTION to renovate his lumbering gaze on me, much less, delve into oblivion with the action he hath partook? Have I exuded ANY femininity while I had been in his presence? men thrive from the uniqueness of CARE; like treatment from that of a wounded soldier, and yeah, they do feel like they go into battle EVERY single day,weither they really do or not.Doesn’t matter. AND honestly? thats what they look for in a partner… i mean, what if you were in THEIR situation?- and the guy you just happen to like, stepped on a landmine right after you had JUST finish fighting in a war, and instead of getting hugs and kisses, in other words, COMFORT, and the ADDITION of VALUE, you get Angry yelling, unapreciated comnents, and Lots of VEXING thoughts. Tell me, dear, sweet, would that make you happy to come home to? no right? instead of saying ‘ its ABOUT ABOUT TIME YOU ANSWERED ME YOU @$$, IVE BEEN WAITIN, AND I THINK YOU SHOULD BE MORE ACTIVE IN YOUR REPSONSE….ETC(Basically negative feedback)’ (btw, you messed up BIG TIME when you told him Not to show you when hes depresed-sad, you dont need to know exactly WHY, but in terms of this, he was LOOKING in you some comfort, some support,-tenderness, a place to lay his burdens on, and when he DIDNT find that in you, he left) which is WHY u need to FIX it, the damage done, and built his TRUST in you again, that he can count on you when it counts. the use of TONE in which we insinuate our thoughts in, (also, be careful in how you WORD THOUGHTS ACROSS, it tends to be deadly as it has a massive impact on the outcome) unravels the femininity, a proccess in which the fundamental VALUE we bridge across, changes the way in which a man then goes to Perceives us, FEELS us, HEARS us. cause men, much like anyone else, can filter stuff out to our own convenience. But, when one expresses through our own raw feelings directly, (that’s a completely differin concept altogether) face to face, we strikingly, with great sembleance, exude the love in which men so desire, CRAVE even, to have taken CARE of, and that, my dear, is just the beginning. listen, sweetheart, you need closure, or at least meet face to face just once with this man (various times honestly) and be DISCREET in your pursuing, lest you show up LOW VALUE and give him the reins. Now, DONT make the mistake of becoming friends when you get reacquainted, thats ONE of the worst MISTAKES you can MAKE. that’d just built a pattern that’d KILL any, and All attraction he has left. ATTRACRION is built by the phase of an unknown instability. A tease of sorts. Built that up. you have to your ADVANTAGE the memories you two sweethearts have built together, a connection, a vibration of melodies of sorts-thats something no other girl has, USE it. this works EVEN IF he has started dating other women. I mean, you have the memories, the spark, the electricity. they dont, at least, NOT YET. Insunuating is the key, make him feel happy and luvely is the goal, let him roam around the idea of what a mistake he had made in cutting you short. just DONT act Hasty. thats bad. VERY bad. attraction can be built, just remember that, so, why are you hurrying? A key term you should realize when goading him to chase you and rekindle that spark in him, is, to +VALUE to his life. Not subtract it.
Here’s the thing about relationships — they require another person with their own opinions and feelings. "I also like to get my clients to appreciate that your ex is a free agent," Engler says. And your former flame’s ideas about the breakup may not match your own. "You need to give your former partner space to make a decision," says Stubbs. "You have to respect their autonomy in regards to their feelings and timeframe." In other words, while you may have easily come to the realization that you can’t live without them, they may not have the same feelings about you.
When you spend time apart, share your fun times with your man. It’s important he knows you’re able to have fun without him. After you spend a few nights away from your man, he may be happy you’re having a good time, but he’ll also become jealous. You want him to wish he’s the one helping you have fun. This is a great strategy if you want to reunite with an old flame. Make him see all of the fun he’s missing without you. If he sees how much fun you’re having his going to want to come along on your next adventure. This is also a good time to start updating your social media feed so he can see all the fun you’re having. Guys are definitely more visual creatures so give him something good to look it and he’ll be hooked, which brings us to our next step.

I think that continuing your no contact for now would be a better idea before sending out the text. It may be too soon to send this without him thinking you have motives because the breakup was still relatively recent. And if the issue for the breakup was because of his clubbing interests, perhaps it might a good idea to let him go through this phase first instead of suppressing negative emotions while in the relationship, since it's usually just a phase that people go through.
@ Sam after reading your post I really don’t understand your question because you did say you refuse to be with someone who showed you he doesn’t care about your health if only we women really Focus on men ACTIONS not his words ACTIONS tells us the Truth… I think you really know he doesn’t really care about you and you should treat him the same with the I Don’t Care Attitude and move on.
To improve your self-esteem, concentrate on your strengths in all areas: emotional, social, talents and skills, appearance, and any others that are important to you. For example, you might have natural empathy, the ability to make people feel understood, a talent for baking, and gorgeous hair. Focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative can help you to feel adequate and valuable as an individual, especially when you connect the best parts of yourself to helping others.[9] If you feel useless, make yourself useful! Take your natural empathy and talent for baking and bake some fresh cookies for your elderly neighbors.
This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months now. He completely swept me off my feet in the beginning (it was like a love bomb). He started changing a couple months after that — we never really “dated” — it just went from a couple dates where he would take me out and drop me off at my apartment and go back to his. Then, a few weeks later he was practically living in my apartment full time. He blames me for everything wrong in the relationship — shuts down emotionally now and we just had another blowout and he says to me he needs a week of space. I think he was just using me for convenience because my apartment was closer to his for work. I am so confused. He is not texting much anymore, not interested in my goals and things we used to share and that bonded us in the beginning. It just feels so empty and I can’t talk to him because he automatically says that I focus on him too much and I analyze the relationship too much. He calls me crazy and negative, among other things. He basically just comes over and sleeps. No connection, no emotion. I don’t know what to do anymore. I think it’s time to let him go — I also think he has narcissistic traits as i’ve been trying to read and educate myself. Could you offer any advice? Thank you.
So hear I am 30 days no contact, regularly going to my spin classes again, buying furniture for my new condo, focusing on me...but I feel like an emotional basket case most days still and no phone number to reach him. I really wanted to spend more time with him I feel as though it was cut short and I was still in the honeymoon excited about the future phase. What should I do? Short of showing up at his door step or writing a letter I have no means of contact (except social media). I was hoping I would hear from him soon and hoping he realizes that he made a mistake...any advice would be helpful
And that’s it. You don’t ask him for anything. You also continue dating other men until you have the commitment that makes you happy. I know this is hard, but trust me when I say you are doing the best thing you possibly can to ensure your happiness. No man should ever feel like he’s your man of choice, he’s your “One,” or that you’re only seeing him. Not until he’s committed.
hi. i broke up with my ex girlfriend (2 weeks ago) for a second time after 7 months. We were together for 4 years now. In Oct last year, we broke up because of my mistake. i was rude to her when she did something i didn't like, and it took me 1 month to get her back. i followed radio silence technique and be very persistent to make a point to text her every 2-3 days. one thing that helped was back then, she was working in a new company and her boss was emotionally abusive. i had the opportunity to be there for her and promised her i will change (and she acknowledges that during this break up that i've changed 90%). the reason for the break up is 1) she wants to explore herself as she's only 25. we got together when she was 21. (i'm 30 right now). 2) she said she can't forget the past hurt that i've caused her. 3) she said i'm a great guy, she still love me and will miss me as we're part of each other already. 4) my dominant character has sort of overshadow her to be independent.
Another important thing to take into consideration is that he’s a man and he may be acting in ways you, as a woman, don’t intuitively understand. Your guy is not your girlfriend. Guys like to deal with one thing at a time. If he has a lot on his plate, he may take his attention temporarily away from the relationship. This doesn’t always mean he’s losing interest, it could just mean he’s overwhelmed.
For men, this means developing the skills to be a better and more conscious partner with women. One skill is to be able to listen more deeply. Men can be good at listening to find a solution, to figure out how to act in a given situation. However, there is a kind of listening that is about listening as though each time you listen, you are getting to know your partner for the first time, to appreciate who your partner is, to listen to your partners pain, joy, unhappiness. It is a listening that allows the emotion or personal sharing from influencing you emotionally. It is a listening that requires being present, rather than to feel like you have to fix or solve a problem. In doing this, you offer a continuous sense of friendship to your partner. For an exercise, next time you are with your partner, take a moment to reflect on how you listen to your partner, and consider how you can listen more fully.

Hi Shikha, no judgement here but I do have to caution you in such situations that while it was no fault of yours for falling in love with him, more often than not in these situations, the married person would usually choose their wives due to the complications that follow if they decide to get a divorce. It becomes simpler to work their marriage out than to risk losing everything in the process. If you're mentally prepared for that, no contact is the most appropriate action for now, but it would typically be longer than the usual 30 days. You'll probably have to do no contact and take the risk of letting him work his marriage out, and if it fails a second time, that's when you reach out to be there for him.
This is Dana I just want you to help with my issue. I met a guy I obsorved his character he is genuine, and kind to everyone. The thing is that he is making me to feel that he likes me but when I started to talk him as a friend, he just telling me tat he got crush on some one else & her age is 22 and few days after he Says tat he is loving a girl from the same premises and she is 24. I didn’t understand what he is trying to tell. My question for you is did he making to jealous or he just wants avoid me.
So, what’s the resolution for you if calling him your boyfriend and yourself his girlfriend means a lot to you? The first option is simply to wait until you’re absolutely sure he feels the same way about making it official. Often we give subtle signs to indicate we’re ready. If we start talking about dating you exclusively, you can take that as a sign. If we introduce you to our close friends on several occasions, that’s a solid sign. If we let you stay in our apartment when we’re not there, that’s a really good sign. The number-one sign that we’re ready to go formal — we invite you to dinner with our mother. (Yes, it’s our mother that counts for this one, not our dad.)

When you’re dating you can check to see if your values are aligned, but once you are in a committed relationship it can take some information, new skills and practice to co-create a loving partnership. As a relationship coach I help my clients look at the big picture: to feel truly heard and to understand the other. I think the key here is “partnership” which allows each person to be respected and to contribute to the greater good of the relationship and to the world. We have no models for healthy relationships so most people are building the plane as they’re flying it!
Break ups aren’t easy and that fact is all the more true now, thanks to social media. It can be a really painful experience logging onto your profile to discover that you ex has been having seemingly the time of their lives, whilst you’ve been locked up at home missing them, but you don’t have to settle for that. You don’t have to be one of those people who watches from afar, as their ex takes off and never looks back.
Another important thing to take into consideration is that he’s a man and he may be acting in ways you, as a woman, don’t intuitively understand. Your guy is not your girlfriend. Guys like to deal with one thing at a time. If he has a lot on his plate, he may take his attention temporarily away from the relationship. This doesn’t always mean he’s losing interest, it could just mean he’s overwhelmed.
I called after a week of no contact & we pretty much were on the verge of breaking up but he confined it. It’s that he owed me money so I left a message and plus he told an ex I was doing drugs and doingbsexual acts for them. So I was pist off after she sent the message about what he told her. So now what do i do i know i should habe never contacted him but I was angry
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