If your guy is taking his time with asking you to be his girlfriend, a simple way you can speed things along is to already play the part of the woman in his life. Now, you don’t want to go overboard with this trick, because if done incorrectly, you can definitely scare the guy off. Instead of coming on strong and being in his face 24/7, subtly integrate yourself into his life so that he can’t imagine his life without you.
You put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex. Sometimes, people do it just to hold on to the possibility of being with their ex in the future. It’s a direct consequence of begging and pleading. It makes your ex think “Well, if you are that desperate to be with me, then you must accept everything that I want.”
Put your guy on your very own reward system if you want him to warm up to the idea of finally committing to you. When a guy goes out of his way to do something nice for you, and you reward him for his efforts, it will make him see commitment in a new light. A reward can be something as simple as saying “thank you,” or it could be a kiss on the cheek, a hug, or buying him a cupcake from his favorite bakery. Rewarding him lets him know that he is able to please you, and if he’s able to make you happy, you have officially placed yourself in the category as the girl he would love to commit to.
A while ago, my boyfriend told me he was done with me. That we could remain friends. I find it hard going to friendship from being lovers. Ok, so we still communicate, and Im welcome to his house, n even meet for coffee. I still love him but I think Im confused because whenever I try asking about "us" , he avoids the topic altogether. Is he just tagging me along as he looks for another lady? What should I do? Help a confused sister here.
#7 He has low self-esteem. If you’ve been together for a while and things have not gone financially the way that he thought they would, he may be feeling inadequate. When a man feels like he can’t provide the way that he wants to, the pressure of being with someone he loves can become overwhelming. Transferring his feelings of inadequacy to you, he may unwittingly be pulling away due to his own feelings of inadequacy, blaming you for his failures.
You would probably have to respect that decision and consider walking away from things because right now you're the third party, and while it's no fault of your own for falling in love since you didn't know, given her history with her boyfriend of 3 years, she's probably going to choose him at the end of the day, and anything else you do from now onwards would paint you as the bad guy.
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Continuing contact with her right now may only hurt you further, especially when she’s at the stage of being unsure and you’re still hurting. Beginning no contact right now seems like a good idea as you’ve mentioned and as to whether you should wait, that’s a decision you have to make. I think you’ll be able to get a clearer idea of what path to take once you’re more emotionally stable again and hurting less.
Wallah awesome advices I’ve been with my guy more than a year now even f we r in different culture he always telling me it doesn’t matter and when I answered ur quizzes it just like a test paper also been told by my guy for me ur ryt it’s about inner self must know not just bcz d eyes want to see…and I’m satisfied and happy with my friends guy bcz he is God fearing and teach me lot more of faith values which really was a different from my culture..ALLAH bless U Eric may U continue help people who r in need of advices regarding love and the likes….
If your focus is on finding hot guys so you can post pictures with them on your social media pages and make your ex jealous, or show up places where you know he’ll be with a hottie on your arm, you need to fix your priorities asap. Again, you need to be focusing on yourself at this time, not on getting a reaction out of him. An angry reaction is not what’s going to make him realize you’re the love of his life and it’s not going to ensure things work the second time around.
The problem with making yourself too "available" when he's playing hot and pretending not to notice when he's playing cold is, you've made it clear you're going to be sticking around no matter what. Unfortunately, this means he feels confident continuing this behavior because he knows there won't be any consequences. You will be there when he wants, and he can ignore you when he doesn't.
Remember, the no contact rule isn’t about him, it’s about you. You’re not cutting off contact to try to spite him, you’re giving yourself time and space to heal from the breakup. That is the goal. The byproduct is that he will most likely miss you during this time and yearn for you and while he’s doing that, you’re becoming a better and stronger version of yourself!
Your guy should trust you. Each relationship will open up differently and there will be times of passion and times of quiet. When you come to a fuller understanding of each other’s needs your relationship will deepen and get serious. In most cases, giving your partner space doesn’t mean he’s taking advantage of you. Keep your mind open, your expectations high, and your heart ready. Falling in love is hard work.
Now, I’m bit bummed because I can’t seem to find any advice about the opposite situation: what if the guy is showing you more commitment than you can handle? Not in a creepy first-date-“let’s marry and have babies”, but in a solid 3-months-“I care about you and want to see where this is going, and I’d like to move in together and five it a try”. I want that too, just… not for another year or so (it’s actually a LD relationship, I put the details in a recent forum post called “Anxious about playing house”). Any advice? :)
Hi Alexandra, This is exactly what happens to me. A lot. Do everything by the book and it does not produce results. Generally you suddenly see these guys with some bland Miss Piggy woman a month or so later. From what I have understood so far, these men think they are not good enough for you. Unfortunately, I never found any way of solving this. Once they believe this, you cannot change it. Only he can. Just find a guy who thinks he IS worthy of you. Very hard to find. Classy agency is your best bet.
Whether or not you and your partner get together again after you’ve given them space or not, it is a sign that your partner could do it again to you at any point and becomes so overwhelmed in their emotions that they can’t handle expressing it to you. There are cases where perhaps you’ve been spending too much time together and/or you’ve become a bit too dependent on the person, but this shouldn’t be a good enough reason to not contact someone for a few days. Nor is when something happens in their life. Unless that situation is explained, and the person can understand then that’s fine.
My partner and I have been together for 8 years and engaged for 9 months. We are both in our early 30's. For the month of April we have been arguing frequently, mainly because I wanted to finally move in together since we have been together for such a long time... everytime I would find an apt that was suitable for us, he would come up with an excuse. After a few weeks of searching, I finally found an apt that met all of his standards. On the following days, I took the opportunity to let him know how I was feeling due to the fact that we have been arguing about the moving in situation, and I was feeling some type of way, including feeling somewhat neglected etc. That same particular night, we got into another argument, this time was because he didn't want to stay over the night. I was so upset because I just expressed to him how I felt and i truly thought he understood my view. The very next day he came over my house to let me know that he needs space away from me to figure things out and to see whether we should stay together or not and says he no longer wants to move in with me. For the 1st 2 weeks I did the whole pleading and begging, then I stopped. It's been a month since we haven't seen each other;however, he still texts me and occasionally calls.. he still says that he loves me and that he misses me. Idk how to interpret his behavior.
My girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me recently. I found your website and read most of it and the links to the other pages. It seems to fit my situation pretty close. I like it! Yes, i want to get her back! She is fantastic! She's had several relationships before me, I had one before her. I thought i was a smart enough and a giving enough BF, I know now I wasn't. She started complaining about things 5 years ago, but she stuck around. She wasn't happy she said, miserable. I argued with her frequently, because I thought I was smarter. She had trust issues with me, that I never fully understood. I gave her endless love and affection as I defined them over the years, even as she was pulling away hoping that would help and it did I suppose since she stuck it out. We had LOTS OF FUN times...I suppose those 2 things are what kept us going. I never took it serious enough though, I know now...and did realize this over the years but other circumstances distracted me all the time. I wasn't wise enough to know better and did little to improve that during the entire relationship. I love her, very much ! I think she loves me..has never said she doesn't. We both have recognized and I believe, still do, a core connection to each other. A true love. She just couldn't take anymore BS I finally realized, she warned me several times it would come and after angry texts from her asking to be left alone, loving to smartass texts back from me (because I thought I knew everything) and emails from me, trying to explain what was right and wrong(because I thought I knew everything)....I finally took seriously she wanted to be left alone. I texted her a very sincere apology and have left her alone. Within her angry texts, were many 'open doors' I felt, still offering something if I would DO something or make an EFFORT. (Wish I would have saw your site sooner) I couldn't see past my emotions and didn't take those offers. Stupidity and lack of relationship experience I feel. Anyway, I like what your website is suggesting, it seems to fit so I'm going to DO something with it and make the EFFORT now. I hope its the DO and EFFORT she wanted. I am worried too as she is VERY SMART and relationship savy she will realize my plan, think it is too orchestrated and vanish forever. This is assuming she'll communicate with me. Thanks in advance if it works!
Answer: Stop being so aggressive. The more you push, the more he is going to pull away. Give him some space to figure stuff out without all the questions and accusations. If you push him too far, you are going to lose him. If you take some of the pressure off, he may just find his way back to you. [Read: 20 glaring signs you have a control freak in you]
I met a guy whilst travelling in Australia, and we dated for four months and travelled together the whole time. He said he loved me many times, that I made him feel things he never felt before and couldn’t stand the thought of me being with anyone else. Things felt so perfect. He made me feel like he wanted me so much. We are both from the same area in the UK and planned to carry things on when getting home. The last time I saw him at the airport, he told me he loved me and would be waiting for me when I got home in 2 weeks. However, as soon as he arrived home, he told me he changed his mind and didn’t want to commit to a relationship because of work and because his life is too busy. In the same phone call he also told me that he didn’t want me to get with anyone else. I love him so much, I started no contact as soon as he broke up with me and we haven’t spoken since (its been 10 days). I accepted his decision and told him that I couldn’t be friends right now as it was too hurtful, and that he had no right to expect me to wait around and not get with anyone else. He got very angry at this and called me bitter and childish. I don’t understand how his feelings changed so quickly. We still stayed friends on social media. I upload photos of me having a great time with friends, never post anything negative (although deep down i’m really suffering). I’m focusing on me, have taken up a new hobby and started hitting the gym more often. I just love him and miss him so much, every morning I hope today is the day he will message to say he made a mistake and wants me back. Is there any chance he will come back soon? or eventually? I don’t know what to do to make this happen. Any advice would be great.