Truth is that our bodies and heads tell us to act in a certain way after a break up, we act on impulse and our emotions. This is not a good idea as you may already know. It is common to be tearful and erratic, not knowing where to turn, sometimes we can blurt things out to our ex boyfriends that we regret later. Everybody does it, it is human nature to do so, but the thing that you have to remember is that you have to fight against these urges if you are to be successful in making him see you positively and want you back again.


If your relationship has gone past the early stages and your man has stopped buying you presents, taking you places and generally is not being as romantic as he was with you in the beginning, then this does not necessarily mean that he is pulling away. He may just feel more comfortable with you and subconsciously feel that he is showing you love and affection in different ways.
It could be a rebound relationship he's going through right now, which is also the reason he might have felt it was 'love at first sight'. In the case for marriages, especially long term relationships, NC period might have to be longer because of the time frame of the relationship and the severity of events that probably transpired which led to the breakup/divorce in the first place.
I was in 2 years long relationship with my ex, including one year of long distance. He broke up with me 3 months ago saying he is not ready for commitment and settle in one year because it was supposed to be one year longer the long distance relationship. We had some fights lately, due to lack of contact it was hard to catch him, I wasnt my best too I was picking on him sometimes when it was no needed. I tried to win him back but he didnt want to. We dont speak for over a month now and soon will be my birthday. I find out on social media that he is licking some girls face and that they are cooking together. What should I do? Can I still win him back? I know what mistakes I made and I was in process of chagning myself but I dont know if should I reach to him? What was the actual reason, he said he is not ready but he is clearly making connection with this girl.
One night in 2013, she asked if she could stay over, and I more or less spilled my guts to her and admitted my intense feelings. She said she didn’t reciprocate. It would take about nine months of hardcore wooing before Mary finally said she had feelings for me. In 2016, three years after that night and almost ten years after our first date, I asked her to marry me and she said yes.

First (and most important), promise not to judge the other. Then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. Next time you're feeling hot and heavy, pull one out. Either jump right into fulfilling that fantasy or, if you need a little more time to adjust, ask what it is about that fantasy that your partner likes, Dr. Kort says. "Sometimes, its themes can be addressed in different scenarios that feel comfortable for both of you," he adds.
Made me decide that I did not want my ex back! I already new that, but thought after 4 years of being with them, maybe I should try. But it does have some helpful stuff, but deep down everyone know these things already. Don't agree with the no contact advice, but maybe some ppl need to hear this and use it. I had no reason to contact him or even a desire to. We were just too far apart on important issues and was my ex was unwilling to change, my ex wanted me to change my core beliefs to theirs. There are some good advice about learning about yourself in the book and everyone should know that no one can make u happy but yourself! I am glad this person is out of my life, and have met a very nice person with similar goals, wants and needs as I. So remember ppl there are lots of men and women out there, and one is just waiting for you! But they are not going to come knocking on your door, get out there and meet new ppl!
Now, the following strategies for getting him to bring up the subject all entail risk: Having The Talk, no matter who initiates it, might either scare him off or cause him to give you an answer you don't want to hear ("I don't want a commitment, but I'd love to continue having sex with you. Okay?"). But come on. You don't want to spend the rest of your life pining for some guy who thinks you're great to share a burger and a bed with but little else, right? The risk is generally worth taking.
Sometimes guys will think they have just fallen head over heals for someone else.  But sometimes the truth is that it’s not love, bit just pure sex.  So you may be wondering, how will I ever get my ex back if he is hooking up with some other girl.  Well, we are going to get into all that, but for now, just know that sometimes boyfriends will wander off either because they are lured away or that just have not yet learned that they are risking blowing up the good thing they have going with you.

This means be honest with yourself: Is there anything in your life right now that could interfere with the success of a new relationship? A common scenario that I see in my practice is a couple will have a whirlwind romance: feel amazing connection, fall in love…but then the guy starts to pull away or blows hot and cold (he’s interested one week and distant the next). And this might go on for some time before the guy finally admits that he’s not ready for a relationship. This is heartbreaking for both of you because it’s really painful to break up after you’ve become deeply bonded.
There was no “trick” to getting Mary back for good. Going through a tragedy had changed me. It was terrible, but it helped me grow the hell up, and by the time Mary and I crossed paths again, I was ready to be the kind of person who texts back and keeps plans and buys presents for no apparent reason. We don’t yell at each other in the street anymore, and that’s pretty cool.
We spent that summer together inseperable after that. At the end of the summer he told me he loves me. In that moment I truly forgave him and saw that he had made the mistake out of fear, and open wounds from his last (and only) real relationship… I realized the poor guy had never even experienced true partnership and love… I was excited to show him how a real partnership can be, and how lovable he is.

Put your guy on your very own reward system if you want him to warm up to the idea of finally committing to you. When a guy goes out of his way to do something nice for you, and you reward him for his efforts, it will make him see commitment in a new light. A reward can be something as simple as saying “thank you,” or it could be a kiss on the cheek, a hug, or buying him a cupcake from his favorite bakery. Rewarding him lets him know that he is able to please you, and if he’s able to make you happy, you have officially placed yourself in the category as the girl he would love to commit to.
(The underlying point this article/system is hidden between the lines. It's meant to craft you into a confident person, ever deeper than that, it's actually preparing you to be able to ACTUALLY move on. With this new found image and confidence, you may discover that time spent with a person doesn't justify their actions, and you may see that there are better matches out there, and you're now prepared.)
According to research, the number one cause of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate. If your relationship was otherwise happy, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations before things explode in a big fight. Other issues can be harder to overcome, like infidelity or jealousy; but with work and counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.

Hi, I’m currently going through the painful process of a messy breakup. I actually did a few of not all the mistakes from step number one(mostly because he didn’t even wait 24hrs after our breakup to start talking to other girls..) Eventually, he texted today that he was sorry from the bottom of his heart and if he had it his way he would still date me but he also said that we just need to stop talking completely for “both of a sakes” because I was “too invested in him” . He said that he was a burden and I although I do love him, and I would only like to be with him later on. I want to do this. I just don’t know if I’d be blocked by the time I do end up contacnting (maybe a couple months from now). I read this article, and it honestly helped me a lot. A lot of these, I had already thought about but this just reinforces that this is what I should do to heal myself. Thank you for it!
I have been “talking” to this guy for almost 3 months. It has been going great, but we have not had the commitment/exclusive talk. I was fine with us taking it slow and was not worried about this, but now we are long distance for the near future. I feel like we need to have this talk so I know exactly where we stand. I do not see any point in being in a long distance relationship if it is not serious, and we do not have a plan and are not both committed to make it work. I know I should have brought this up before I left, but I panicked. I am not sure when I will see him in person again and my question is in this case is it acceptable to discuss this over the phone? And when I do talk to him how do I bring it up without him freaking out.
This whole post really does make me think. Perhaps we have been conditioned to think that giving our partner space is the appropriate way to act? And, in a lot of cases it does cause the relationship to become somewhat stable again. But, I honestly think that if someone asks for space, or “changes”by contacting you less, it is a sign that they are an emotionally unstable person, who will only break you by making you feel paranoid.
Hi Sierra…I’m confused. So, he wanted to leave after sex, yet you suggest your problem is that he left after an argument? I don’t see any details about the argument itself? When did the argument happen, if there was one at all? Also you mentioned “Afternoon came and he texted saying he was now spending the evening with his kids and he’d speak to me in the evening. After each of these I said I was sad but I understood and I was sorry he felt that way.” – what did you mean you were sorry he felt that way?… Read more »
I kind of agree with both of you. I get what you mean with your post, Eric, some women just force into a relationship with a person who will never commit simply because he just does not feel the same way about her, and still she tries to push him. But I also agree that we sometimes, being more mature, I don’t know, have to act like if it was a game, knowing the right moves and words because otherwise the guy will freak out and just leave. I’m with a guy for 6 months now and he still is not sure if I’m “the one”, although we always have an amazing time when we’re together. Maybe he’s afraid to lose his freedom, or that I’ll be all jealous and stuff, but it’s very hard to pretend that I’m ok with this situation when all I wanted was a serious and honest conversation, but I have tried that in the past and he thought I was pressing him.
Look, we weren’t taught how to build and cultivate happy and healthy relationships in school, but it’s certainly not too late to learn how to develop these skills now! The aforementioned tips are just what you need. They consist of the very best relationship, dating, and lifestyle experts in the world; all of whom possess incredibly esteemed backgrounds and trackrecords of proven success.
Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.  Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.”  This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.)
I have been “talking” to this guy for almost 3 months. It has been going great, but we have not had the commitment/exclusive talk. I was fine with us taking it slow and was not worried about this, but now we are long distance for the near future. I feel like we need to have this talk so I know exactly where we stand. I do not see any point in being in a long distance relationship if it is not serious, and we do not have a plan and are not both committed to make it work. I know I should have brought this up before I left, but I panicked. I am not sure when I will see him in person again and my question is in this case is it acceptable to discuss this over the phone? And when I do talk to him how do I bring it up without him freaking out.
In order to have this guy tripping over himself to make you his girlfriend, you need to take the attention away from him and focus on yourself. Stop going out of your way to make him happy, don’t cancel plans just to spend time with him, and don’t always be so available to him. Catering to all of his needs will make you look like a pushover and a doormat, and no guy is attracted to that!
But now, he is pulling away. Slowly but surely. I’m so lost. I’m trying to give him space but I’m scared he will go away forever. I don’t want that so I’m keeping my shut but I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do. I love him dearly so much still (I have not expressed that as I’m conscious of the consequences of these things especially with an ex and what we went through).
Laurel House is an International Dating Coach, Online Dating Expert, and the author of “Screwing The Rules; The No-Games Guide to Love.” You may seen hear her advice on Good Morning America, Today Show, AskMen.com, The Wall Street Journal, or you may have been one of the 24 million views of her YouTube videos. She is known as “The Man Whisperer.” Check out her site laurelhouse.com.
Maybe he’s super attentive and into you one minute and the next he can’t be bothered. This can feel jarring. Consistency is comforting, but people aren’t always consistent, and routines can change with circumstances. Those circumstances could be work-related or he could be having family issues, and these aren’t necessarily things he’ll want to talk about.
There are certain techniques to get him back again and you will learn them here. When someone tells you that you can use tricks to get him back you can often assume the worst. Of course no relationship should be built on deception and you should not have to trick someone to want to be with you. What I am talking about here are psychological tricks that we are unaware of. If you understand the way that the male psyche operates you will be able to change your behaviour in a positive way to make him more attracted to you.

“Hi! I’ve been a fan of your work for over five years now. When I broke up with my ex, I was devastated. Then I read a lot of your stuff about getting your ex back. It changed my thinking and my thinking changed my life. I worked on myself. I started doing makeup, became a makeup artist, launched my makeup line, and have started to get recognition. I feel so good about myself now and I have no regrets. Now my ex wants me back but I realized I don’t want to go back because I’m moving forward. Thanks for everything you’ve shared and written.”

I won't go into the reasons we broke up. But our relationship just seemed to come to a natural end. After being friends for 10 years and then finally getting together, our lives had been running parallel for so long and then one day, we were just off in different directions. We were young, and had other shit going on that at the time that was more important than our relationship.
Another important thing to take into consideration is that he’s a man and he may be acting in ways you, as a woman, don’t intuitively understand. Your guy is not your girlfriend. Guys like to deal with one thing at a time. If he has a lot on his plate, he may take his attention temporarily away from the relationship. This doesn’t always mean he’s losing interest, it could just mean he’s overwhelmed.
If I could give one big piece of advice it would be when a man pulls away, try not to take it personally. Believe me, I know this is way easier said than done. Everything is going great, you start to think this guy could be the one and then boom, he disappears for what seems to be no apparent reason. If you can relate to this, it probably isn’t your fault. Although it’s impossible to give an exact reason why he pulled away, most of the time it’s his own personal issue’s. If it’s really bugging you, there’s an… Read more »
I stayed up late last night to read your words. I was searching for some consolation to a negative thought in my head, and I found it. And here you are again today. You nailed it. Only through extreme heartache, researching yourself, and learning the lessons can you truly appreciate your eloquently written words. You are so highly skilled. What a gift. You found your calling. Ox
Probably give it another 2-3 weeks to even a month if you have to, considering that its been some time since the break up but she still doesn't seem ready. You could send the elephant in the room letter after this NC, and if she does not respond positively towards you still, you might seriously want to consider letting go instead, because she may simply not be interested anymore.
Many women have quite simple and somewhat boring lives, so she might struggle to relate to you with your travel-filled lifestyle, amazing car or massive house that you told her about (for example). And if she struggles to relate to you because she sees you as WAY better than her, she will go cold and initiate the no contact rule on you. “He’s out of my league.” Then she initiates a breakup.
If something is wrong, the other person probably can’t read your mind. When a problem comes up, speak up at the right time. One study suggests young couples are less stressed when they talk out their issues than when they keep their feelings bottled up. And don’t forget to say, “I love you.” Expressing emotions—positive and negative—can benefit that bond.

Your articles always leave me teary-eyed, Renee. They are full of brilliant and compassionate insights. You speak of being authentic, you speak of trusting in the infinite perfection of the universe to give back what we put in. You speak of having a pure open hearted connection and leaving our fears at the door. This article made me cry. And I think it’s because it rang so true. We all want to be admired and trusted. I feel like whenever a man fell in love with me, it was after he revealed something shameful to me and I just accepted… Read more »
"While there are two sides to every story, there are often a few factors that are highlighted within a breakup," says sexologist Megan Stubbs. "What makes this time different than the time before? And how will you communicate that to your partner in a way that might make them open to a second chance?" Try to be as neutral as possible in your recollections. Seeing your part in a breakup can help you figure out whether it's a good idea to give things a second shot.
It can be tough to acknowledge that we messed up or that we could have done something better. Your ego takes a hit and you can make yourself feel worse before feeling better when engaging in such a process. But getting back with an ex will require you to put your pride aside and to figure out exactly where you went wrong and what pushed you to act a certain way
Pursue your passion. Most of us may struggle to say what our passion in life is. We are too bogged down in our obligations, responsibilities, and routines to carve out any time to give some thought to the things we are passionate about. Your time of no contact is as good a time as any to figure it out. Maybe you’ve always had a love for good art. Maybe you are excited by gardening or writing. Take this time to do those things Also, take this time to try something new. You might just find a passion for something you didn’t know you had before. Engaging in the activities and hobbies that we love, that we are good at, and that we are passionate about go a long way to remind us of our essence and make us feel alive again.
So me and my ex have been going out for ten months and about 5 days ago she said she was unhappy about how ive been treating her the last few weeks (no effort etc), i have very important exams coming up that she knew about which i need to revise for and have accidently distnaced myself from her because of them, i asked her why she didnt say anyrhing sooner and she said 'i wanted to see if anything changed' in the following 2 days she broke up with me and shes just changed her profile picture to something not with us in, she lives very far away 250 miles but i go down as often as i can to see her but its hard at the moment due to these exams and my stress, it seems all rushed and like shes serious but i dont think shes had time to rationalise it properly can you help?!
With hindsight, Peter could see that the unpleasant situation he found himself in every day at work had left him depressed in the evenings. His response to depression had been to sink increasingly into "poor me" ruminations. "How can they treat me so unfairly? Why can't my boss appreciate my talents?  I'm stuck in a job that's not my thing. I hate having a job that doesn't fit and a boss who's chronically negative."
Whether you’re looking to be in a relationship or already in one, pay close attention to the man you desire to be and make sure you are being just such a person. Be honest and congruent with who you say you are, and match it with who you appear to be with others. You know how someone says something about you and it makes you feel good deep down inside, because that’s exactly who you feel like you are. That’s being confident and true to who you believe you are. Walk in that. Imagine if this were the case with you and the person you want to be in a relationship with. It makes for a hell of a relationship.
Im trying hard to frgt my x boy friend but dont knw why I cant overcome d situation.I cant find d same affection or feeling frm d other guy.infact there r lots of boys in my office they proposed me but I can’t relate myself with them.when 100 boys r crazy abut me then how can he leave me.why he betrayed with me why he dont love me when I can do everything fr him.this question come in my mind al d time.may b ds site wl helpme to overcome.plz suggest me in my mail id how I wl frgt him
This is a tough one to give any opinion on, but if he's chosen to do the responsible thing (which is really commendable), he's accepted whatever emotions and hurt as part of the consequences of his actions (whether it's hatred for his life, unhappiness, etc). Determining whether he eventually comes back to talk to you may be another thing altogether, because it would be dependent on whether he eventually forgives himself for his actions and whether he thinks its even a good idea to contact you again.

Relationship quizzes for women shows that guys can easily recognize women who are stress-free. It is evolution that has trained a man to recognize happy women subconsciously. They also have this innate feeling that a stress-free woman is appealing and sexually attractive. Thus, the merrier you are, the better is the chances of you finding out the perfect partner for yourself.
Q&A emails. What is the best way to contact you on Facebook, I know you cannot accept any more friend requests, so I guess just message you there, right? I send you a message there already, and since we are not friends on Facebook I wonder if you got it, I’ve been told once, that it could go in a separate folder which the person doesn’t see right away.

I have been seeing a guy for just about a year. His job is giving him a lot of stress and he became much more distant. For a whole year, he never missed a good morning or night text. We never texted all day long as we are both busy but that one morning text we sent each other was just enough to let us both know we were thinking of one another. His stopped pretty abruptly. My initial reaction was to panic and I did in a way but didn’t let him see that. Last weekend he apologized for not texting me so much but to trust that he still loves me. I was a bit stumped because I never once verbalized anything about the non texting issue, so I wondered why he would say that. I asked him if he would prefer me not text him at all during the week ( which I never did anyway, only one morning text and maybe a “have a good afternoon”) and he said yes, unless it was important.


It could be a rebound relationship he's going through right now, which is also the reason he might have felt it was 'love at first sight'. In the case for marriages, especially long term relationships, NC period might have to be longer because of the time frame of the relationship and the severity of events that probably transpired which led to the breakup/divorce in the first place.
I want to start off by saying thank you for adding a guys input Eric! My question is how do know if your inspiring him to be his best self and inspire him in his lifes mission if you dont know what that is? The guy im kind of seeing has only initiated deep conversation once and it was to ask what i thought about us. Am i supposed to ask him out right or am i supposed to try and figure it out all on my own?
It is not just a job for a man to make a woman feel special; women have to make men feel special too. Show your appreciation for things he does such as his DIY projects, when he’s made dinner or a promotion at work. You can take him out for a meal or to the football game every now and again or even do simple things such as give him a ​neck massage after a long hard day at work.
I JUST went thru this with my boyfriend of almost a year. He got VERY distant for 2 weeks and when I pushed him to find out what was up, he said he was 50/50 about our relationship and needed time to think. So I gave it to him and NEVER reached out again. I didnt even sign into social media, I wanted him to have no idea what I was up to. After 2 weeks of no contact, he texted me today pouring his heart out about how he messed up and all he thought about was me, etc etc. Everything I’ve only ever dreamed of him saying and he NEVER says his feelings towards me, but has always shown them in affection. We are meeting tonight after he begged to see me to talk. I still can’t believe he admitted he was scared that he messed things up and realized he was throwing away a good thing. We still have a lot to work out, but I think this is a great start. Hang in there everyone who is going thru the same thing!

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”
I was in a relationship with I guy where I pulled away because I fell in love with him and I needed time to process it. I didnt tell him how I felt. I still texted a little, maybe every second/third day just a bit over two weeks, but by the time I came back, he was moody, and started drifting a little from me. He then wanted time apart because he couldn’t deal with my emotional boundary I put up before. So I told him the issues I had and that I fell in love with him. So while we gave each other space, we missed each other. I was happy to see him when I cane back but he begged me to fall right back into the relationship too fast and it was all a very confusing mix of blaming and missing me and I found myself backing away again. Thats when I decided to stopped seeing him, even though I loved him.
My gf of 5 years broke up with me a month ago. We are both 21. She said that she has lost feelings and doesn’t feel attracted to me anymore. She didn’t feel like a priority in my life and that i was not there a lot of the time. I know that i had been very insecure(because of my previous relationship) and unwittingly took her for granted over the past few months(work/college commitments). She loved me to bits and i did too but i’ve really hurt her.
I know that what this article writes it’s true. At the same time, do I really want a person with which I have to lie about my true feelings? I am very intense, passionate, and so talk a lot about what so feel and what ai think. I feel hurt of I am not in his priorities, if he never calls me or if he says he is not sure of what he wants. Of course it would be better for the lenght of the relationship stay quiet and wait. But would I feel really fullfilled and loved just tolerating?

Hi Lauren, I have a question that is related in a big way, but not too related in others. You mentioned the concept of men doing the pursuing and women doing the recieving. I'm on my 4th Mars Venus book - Mars and Venus on a Date - and I noticed that this is a huge theme in the book. So my question is: What do you do if a guy gives you his number and says "call/text me"? When I first met my ex, I felt like I was pursuing him a bit because this is the way he approached me. We met working on a project, but to build off of our newfound friendship I attempted to flirt and create the opportunity for him to pursue me. We dated for about a year and I thought he could have been the one - until recently when we hit a wall in communicating that I felt I had to end it (since then I've been educating myself through therapy and Mars Venus books!). But, while at the time I never questioned the success/failure in me doing some reaching out, looking back now I'm wondering if that's something I could have done differently? The problem is, I wouldn't know how! It's a tricky situation. What happened was, like I said, he gave me his number (without me asking for it) and said to contact him. So I did and it went well! Then for our first date, from what I remember, I suggested that it would be nice to get to know eachother more. He told me to let him know when I wanted to go out. I pushed back this time and insisted that he should be the one asking me out, but he refused. To refrain from more back and forth, I planned the date. After that he became much more assertive and started asking me out and presenting me with ideas. But I'll be honest, I was a little turned off at his insecurity at first. He later told me he wanted to ask me out but was just very nervous, so I decided not to dwell on it and just appreciate that it worked out despite how it happened. But because I didn't want to do the pursuing, how would I have gotten him to do it?
I’ve loved reading your articles and they’ve really helped me recognize what’s been tickling the corner of my self-awareness lately about my self-worth being directly related to why I always end up dating people that don’t treat me well and are emotionally unavailable. The one thing that I’m trying to figure out in this article and in my current situation is – how do you discern between a relationship (casual or exclusive) ending due to the other person being emotionally unavailable vs. being emotionally available and being turned off by your insecurities? At the end of the day, I recognize that both are directly related to my lack of self-love and that is what needs to be fixed, but in the former case, if I had previously fixed this it would have resulted in me ending the relationship as soon as I recognized the other person was emotionally unavailable/disrespecting me and in the latter it seems like the relationship would have had a chance at working out. I feel like it’s much easier to forgive myself for not holding boundaries and walking away when I knew I should have than for literally being the reason something potentially great didn’t work out..

Hlo ,on 27th June he broken up with me,we spnd lot of time together,he is my first love and everything for me,ours relationship was to good evn in school all teachers know about tht we are in relationship, all students said made for each other ,I think about him always every minute ,I was wanting a2nd chance to solve the problem but he decided to breakup evn he doesn’t give any reason why he want to break up with me,i had sent him lot of msgs to convenience him,bt I also force him to continue the relationship otherwise I do sucide and all ,I know there is my mistake and I’m feeling guilty about this ,I was do this only because I don’t want let him go bt after doing this he starts hating.now he don’t evn want to talk me ,it’s hard it’s realize that I will never be with this boy again ,he is the boy who does not want to make me cry bt now he hates me because of my reason bt later I apologise him and try to convince him and pleased him to talk evn as a frnd but he doesn’t so please please please give me some advice how I get him back because I don’t want to leave him in any condition
It’s amazing what you can see with a little bit of time and distance. You might find you’re happier without him, that you can breathe easier, that you’re more like yourself again and maybe you realize getting back together with him isn’t a good idea. Or maybe a little time away causes you to see his good qualities that you took advantage of during the relationship. Maybe now you’re better able to support his vision for the future whereas you weren’t on board before. Whatever the case, sometimes you need to step away from something to see it more clearly.
I know you feel hurt and you probably feel worthless right now because feel like your ex doesn’t want you. You are eager to feel loved and hopefully ‘My ex will know that I’m in another relationship and my ex will feel jealous, and will beg to come back.’ STOP. That’s not self-love. That’s called my-ex-is-still-the-center-of-my-universe. Everything you do is because you want to get your ex back. But actually, everything you do from now on, should be focused on yourself. 

If you’re going through this situation right now, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Getting a guy to commit seems like one of the hardest things in the world. We’ve all heard stories about men being commitment-phobes who are deathly afraid of having their independence ripped away for them, so you can’t really blame the guy for dragging his feet when it comes to locking you down, can you?

Being part of a couple can be difficult, but the best relationship tips are really all about maintenance—keeping things fresh, finding time for each other, and coming up with ways to navigate the tricky ups and downs every partnership faces. Of course, it’s all easier said than done, so we’ve come up with 101 ways to make your relationship even better.
What I dislike about the article is that it really does not give any insight on how we can actually show the man that we were hurt and neglected. Would men like it if we had a come-and-go attitude? Is it too much to ask to think about the other person before disappearing? I don’t get it why we should be so bothered to not show our feelings, I doubt that a man would be more committed and less neglectful if after days he disappeared we would be like “oh I’m do glad I’m hearing back from you” as if everything is just fine. How convenient. It might give him the impression you had no problem with the whole thing while, while you did. Now let me ask you something personal since you are a dude, what about a man that does not text for 10 days while you had established daily or every two days fb messenger communication – while he gets online everyday and has liked another girl’s photo in the meantime. No, the girl was not a friend. I got really pissed off that he never talked to me for so long especially because of that and I told him. I disconnected and I do regret the whole situation. Just so you have the background, he was a guy I was seeing last year, we were together for about 3 months and when he sensed it was time to be official he just bailed out due to his personal problems-and indeed he was not at his best. He also quickly became distant and I blocked him with no explanation (I don’t take it that he would appear and disappear to taste) and then when I was calmer I unblocked him (did not reconnect though) and I explained myself. After another half year he texted me that he felt e distant too and reconnected with me and we had a daily communication pattern but we had not talked on where we stand which also bothered me.
Remember that whatever you're going through now to pick yourself up, if you try winning her back as well, you're going to end up subconsciously dumping your emotional needs and baggage on her which would probably cause her stress and unhappiness. If you want ot win her back, you should do so when you're at good place emotionally and mentally. It doesn't matter if she moves on right now, because if you have genuinely worked on yourself and improved aspects of your life, you'd still stand a chance to win her over down the road.
Go easy with the communication. When you start to really like someone, all logic goes out of the window. Instead of casually checking in with him once every couple of days, it can be hard to resist texting him on the hour every hour, even if he’s not your boyfriend yet! My suggestion is to refrain from messaging him unless he messages you. And, when he does message you, give it at least a few hours before you respond. During this time period, I guarantee he’ll be wondering where you are, what you’re doing and missing you.
Now, the following strategies for getting him to bring up the subject all entail risk: Having The Talk, no matter who initiates it, might either scare him off or cause him to give you an answer you don't want to hear ("I don't want a commitment, but I'd love to continue having sex with you. Okay?"). But come on. You don't want to spend the rest of your life pining for some guy who thinks you're great to share a burger and a bed with but little else, right? The risk is generally worth taking.

Forgot to add, we plan to see each other before the year ends. So around November, Part of me is like ok, dont talk until End of September and ease back in Oct/Nov until you guys see each other again. What this article said about friends and family is so true! I have nothing negative to say about my bf. They feel just because he broke up with me that he is supposed to me the enemy. "Forget him!" "Men are stupid" "Thats his loss, he couldnt man up!" "You deserve better" I hold no hate, only hurt & I accept my part in our demise. It literally made everything worse because i do not feel that way.


"Going away on a trip just the two of you is always the best idea when you feel like your relationship needs a 'spark.' Of course it is easier for the French couples who get easily seven weeks off per year! But jokes aside, nothing is as effective as three days without the children somewhere other than home (Lisbon? Copenhagen? New Orleans?). Suddenly, you might remember why you are together.

Freud once called female sexuality "the dark continent," and if that's true, then male sexuality might as well be the dark planet. Because when it comes to sex, men are far from simple. (As much as they may try to convince us otherwise.) The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, so what you see on TV is typically far from what can (and should) be delivered in reality. That's why sex experts chimed in with more accurate insight about what guys really want you to know when the two of you climb into bed.
Try answering these questions: Do you miss your ex, or do you miss having a boyfriend or girlfriend? Did he or she make you feel better about yourself, more secure in the world, and happier? Do you imagine yourself with this person in the long-term, even when the excitement of being in love has worn off and you are stuck in the daily routines of life? If you are only missing the security of having someone and the excitement of a dramatic relationship, you can find those things with someone else in a healthier, more stable relationship.
He opened an instagram account, which he never did before and it really feels like I lost all chances Ive ever had. His life is going great. He's rebuilding himself and really succeeds at everything. He has so much girls around him now and I am the last thing he could ever think about. I tried to text him since, tried to send some "positive texts" to remind him of how great it was, but he went really cold and distant. I am really despaired. It has been already 3 months. Our birthdays are coming. Mine is on the 31st August and his on september 1st. And I just feel so crushed. I have no idea how am i going to spend it... While hes gonna go with all his friends which hate me and are so happy we broke up!

I feel the same way. If a man pulls away it feels like they’re losing interest and makes you think and ask yourself what happened or what you did. We cannot think this way. Most times it is nothing that we did wrong etc. That is insecure. There are probably things going on that we don’t even know about. Maybe family or personal issues that don’t involve us or if the person is damaged and needs space because they feel they are getting to close. If a man truly loves you and wants you in his life. Men love independent women and don’t want a woman who their whole lives revolve around them.
Confidence. Confidence is key; not just for women, but for men as well. I’m not speaking of a cocky sort of self-assurance, but having a sense of comfort in your own skin and who you are being. When you know who you are, and you are being that person, you will attract similar vibrations in your life. It’s an attractive quality and has a way of drawing attention to you.
Yes!!! I made this mistake with my boyfriend when he said he wanted some space and instead i just kept pushing and pushing to fix things. Everything just got worse. It’s absolutely torture to try to not interact with the person you love but if he is having doubts, bugging him will prob make him pull away more and if he is having doubts in the first place maybe things aren’t meant to be. My whole philosophy is that if someone doesn’t enjoy being with me then I don’t want to be with them either.
My ex and I were together for 7 years. In the first year, he looked at some messages and caught me messing around. But i was a kid (19) and we moved past it, it meant nothing. we've been so happy since then, and i never fooled around ever again. i fell in love with my boyfriend so hard. fast forward 6 years to now, he randomly looked at my chat with a friend while we were in a fight (i know hes never done this, not sure what prompted him to do it this time. everything happens for a reason tho bc this was the first time i had some scandalous stuff in my messages.) my messages showed my recent dumb move, i was pulling this crazy long trick on a friend (it spiraled out of control, i lied about details etc...) saying i was cheating when i wasnt. the lies were elaborate and stupid, where i talked about hooking up with someone when i havent even looked in anyone else's direction in reality. (it's silly i know, but my therapist said it has a lot to do with the meds i was on for adhd recently.) anyways, my boyfriend saw this stuff, and told me i have serious issues and that he cant trust me anymore. has told me to get lost for life. doesnt even wanna talk about it. hes oddly very calm and has told me he wont be changing his mind, this is the end and i should really move on because he is well on his way. we broke up and i did everything based on my emotions, send texts, emails, letters, and begged at his place. he told me if i dont stop he's gonna call the cops, and that none of my crying or begging has any effect on him anymore. he says he thought about what happened and he deserves better and wants to move on. ive been getting help and i really would do anything to have him back. i sent a final 8 pg letter yesterday explaining that i am not a cheater, or a liar, or crazy, and that im getting therapy and making changes in my life, and that i would like to speak to him again when i am better. he texted me saying, "good for you. i hope you make changes and i know you will make someone else happy in this life once u do that. im not changing my mind unfortunately, i wish you nothing but the best, please move on." it broke my heart. we are good together. i don't know how he easily moved on so quick, but we both know he can. he's a mature, principaled man. i'd like to do NC, but I dont want him to move on for good during NC. i know he's trying to cut me out of his life bc he's done with me. but i dont want to lose him forever. hes the love of my life. He loved me and treated me amazing. what do you think i should do?
I was with my ex for two years, after he propose we decided to have kids, a month later I was pregnant. Then everything goes down since then, all the negative things happened. After I giving birth, he told me he didn't love me anymore. I was depressed and breakdown. and he broke up with me when our son was 3 months old. He has depression and back then he switched off his feelings became extremely cold. now he says he still love me, I was someone special that he wanted to have kids with. we broke up last April, and last December he started a new relationship, they are together still. but the thing is we are still living together for some reasons that we have to for a while, maybe another year.( his gf doesn't live with us) I always keep the house tidy and he appreciates what I have done.
It could be either, but I'm leaning towards the long-term commitment issue, especially if she has kids but isn't married - which is proof of a previous failed relationship and that probably caused her to develop trust issues in seeing things. Additionally, you've only been going out with her for 3 months which is a short period to her to trust you enough to let you meet her kids. I suggest giving a week of space before you reach out to perhaps talk to her about this, and ask her why she suddenly decided to call the relationship off.
#2 He lacks the skills to effectively communicate. If there is something on his mind or something that is bothering him and he doesn’t know how to express it to you, then he might start to push you away. The biggest problem in this situation is that he’s often unaware himself of what is going on, how to explain it, or how to fix it. Lacking in the capacity to express his feelings or needs, a man often decides that the whole thing is too much trouble and will retreat instead of dealing with it.
Long story short, this article helped put things in perspective again. I’m going to try my Damndest to give him space when he seems to pull away, play the cool understanding girl a little while longer, & endure. I do love him with every ounce of my heart & soul. I have always been a very confident person & have NEVER let anyone “treat me” this way. But, I’ve also never loved someone so deeply nor with this personality type before.

It is also important that we spend some time talking about how to establish contact with your ex the right way. You cannot force the issue when reaching out to your ex; it needs to feel natural to the both of you in order to avoid any awkwardness. You can do it in person, over the phone, by text or social media; but no matter what, it shouldn’t feel forced.
Do you have negative thoughts about your relationship? Do you keep feeling that your partner is going to desert you? Researchers have noticed that unhappy couples tend to focus more on the negative aspects of their relationships. If you find yourself a victim of this kind of feeling for certain actions of your partner, then the next time you have such thoughts, try to rationalize it with some neutral explanation for the action.
Hi, I’m Summer. My boyfriend and I recently broke up about 5 days who. It was pretty mutual. We both haven’t felt as happy as we used to lately, which I regret ever feeling that way. I just wanted to work things out, but he supposed a breakup was better for us. Now that we’re not together nothing feels right and I feel like I’ve lost my other half. We bith agreeed to remain friends but obviously it’s not the same. I’m currently starting with no contact which is super difficult since I ran into him yesterday. We asked how each other were and as I walked away he opened his arms to hug me. I was surprised. I would just like some advice as to rekindle our romantic relationship and be with him, for good.
In short, when you see that your crush or boyfriend is pulling away, you pull away too. Do not contact him. Concentrate on your own growth, reflect on what you’ve learned from the dynamics of the relationship and move forward with your personal goals. Be clear about your expectations and your needs. If they aren’t met, then move on and see if he’ll ever come around… Because if he doesn’t, I am sure someone else will!
@ Sam after reading your post I really don’t understand your question because you did say you refuse to be with someone who showed you he doesn’t care about your health if only we women really Focus on men ACTIONS not his words ACTIONS tells us the Truth… I think you really know he doesn’t really care about you and you should treat him the same with the I Don’t Care Attitude and move on.

If you want to get a guy to miss you, take a break for a few days from calling or texting him or posting on social media so he’ll have a chance to wonder what you’re up to. If he calls or texts you first, wait 5-10 minutes before you return his calls or messages, and try to be the one who ends the conversation first. If you visit his house, leave something small like a piece of jewelry or some makeup so he’ll think of you and miss you whenever he sees it! However, use these techniques in moderation, as he could get upset if he feels manipulated.
Italiano: Riconquistare la Tua Ex, Português: Conseguir Seu ou Sua Ex de Volta, Deutsch: Deine Ex zurück gewinnen, Français: reconquérir son ex, Русский: вернуть своего бывшего, 中文: 与你的前男友或前女友重新开始, Nederlands: Je ex terugwinnen, Čeština: Jak získat svoji bývalou dívku zpět, Español: recuperar a tu ex, 日本語: 別れた恋人とよりを戻す, Bahasa Indonesia: Mendapatkan Mantan Pacar Anda Kembali, العربية: استعادة شريكك السابق, ไทย: ได้แฟนเก่ากลับมา, Tiếng Việt: Giành lại người yêu cũ, 한국어: 전 애인과 다시 결합하는 방법, हिन्दी: अपने एक्स को वापस पायें
I am dating a guy in a distance relationship for about three months, at the beggining we felt unbelievable connection soulmate like, he said he wants to marry and have children, he was caring and sweet (flowers, gifts, lots of time together). However I know he cheated on me at the very beginning of dating (I forgived him because that was very fresh relation).

If you’re still stuck in feeling needy and out of control, you’re not going to see the necessity of bringing that value to the relationship because you’ll still be fixated on your own worries, your fears, your insecurities. And with that fixation, you won’t be able to put energy into the relationship, you’ll have wasted all your energy needlessly worrying about stuff.
Hello! So my ex boyfriend broke up with me officially 16 days ago. We're both 27, by the way. 10 days prior he told me that he needed time alone and that he was not in a good place. I was supposed to meet him that day (we live in different cities, but only one hour apart), and I asked if I could still come, or if he never wanted to see me again. He said that he never said that, but he would prefer not to see me for at least a few days. I texted him two days later saying that I understand and he should take his time and he responded with thank you xx. I did not reach out for 10 days and then I texted him asking him to tell me what was on his mind. He replied instantly and said that it's not my fault and that he feels he can not be in a relationship right now. I asked for an explanation and to tell me what was going on in his life, he said he didn't want to talk in detail, it was about the way he felt in general, work, the kid (he has an 8 year old son) and that I never did anything wrong. He apologised and I said take care. I never texted him, we met on tinder and had been dating for 5 months. I met his entire family, his close friends and he met mine. My birthday was two weeks before the break and he brought me a heart necklace with diamonds on it (it took him a while to find a present he liked), I know he has feelings for me, he said so himself, but I am so confused. A part of me says he will be back, another one feels he will not, I just don't know. Should I add his best friend's girlfriend on Facebook? She did tell me her Facebook, but then this happened and I did nothing. I know his friends and family like me. We were good together but the last time he was a bit distant.
“I have been a mental health therapist in Denver, Colorado, for over 20 years.  I have been a guide for healing and growth for thousands of clients.  Because I have been a witness to the transformation of many lives, I can tell you that anything, and everything in your life- your “broken”, your “stuck”, your “absolutely nevers” can all be transformed into the most beautiful light….Promise. This includes your ability to find love.”
As a couple, you may be with each other for a year or three years and when you look back, your best memories are of you both together. The realisation that you have had some of the best times together is a great one. Sawnani says, “It’s a very strange and nice feeling when you realise that even though the quantum of time spent with someone maybe lesser than the time spent with family or others, the contentment is a lot more. We all know that sometimes an hour feels like a minute and sometimes like a whole day... It is when the togetherness moments start becoming important that you take the relationship to the next level.” 6 You visit his house, meet the family When the guy invites you over to his place, it’s a huge milestone. He could also agree to come to your place to meet your family. Inviting you over means he wants to let you into his world and meet his folks. Shah explains, “Meeting your family shows he is serious about you. When he invites you over, he wants his family to see you and expects you to bond with his family. He is making you aware of his home life, traditions, culture, family environment and habits. In short, he is giving you a microscopic view of his own life, his beliefs of family structures and wants to know what you feel about it.”
Hi, I’m currently going through the painful process of a messy breakup. I actually did a few of not all the mistakes from step number one(mostly because he didn’t even wait 24hrs after our breakup to start talking to other girls..) Eventually, he texted today that he was sorry from the bottom of his heart and if he had it his way he would still date me but he also said that we just need to stop talking completely for “both of a sakes” because I was “too invested in him” . He said that he was a burden and I although I do love him, and I would only like to be with him later on. I want to do this. I just don’t know if I’d be blocked by the time I do end up contacnting (maybe a couple months from now). I read this article, and it honestly helped me a lot. A lot of these, I had already thought about but this just reinforces that this is what I should do to heal myself. Thank you for it!

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. We have been through so much in the time we’ve been together and I can honestly say that I am in love with him. He started to drift away and I kept pushing. Today I asked him did he need a break and he told me he think he did. I immediately felt heartbroken and didn’t know what to do so I panicked. I started to tell him how I didn’t want a break and that I wanted to fix it. I asked him what changed and he told me everything. I then begged him to just try. I realized that I’m forcing the relationship witch will only have a heavier hurt in the end . There’s so much more behind this but here’s the basis. I told him I loved him then I asked him could we please keep trying. He replied I love you too and said okay. Shortly after I regrettably started to nag him to talk to me. He then began to ignore me. I realized that I’m making him feel trapped in this relationship and that’s the last thing I want to do. So I sent him this a couple of hours ago : I realized that I haven’t been being myself at all and I’m sorry for that. I’m forcing you and I don’t want to do that to you. I realized that you were pulling away and I kept trying to push you back in. I’ve always told you that I love you and even if we are not together I want you to be happy. I’ve been thinking about this all night and the dream I had really opened my eyes.i Really do love you and as much as this hurts i never wanted you to feel like you are trapped in a relationship. If you really need a break and need time I’m willing to give you that. I just wish it didn’t have to result to a break because only god knows how much I’ll miss you ‍♀️ but if it’s what you really want than I understand. I am patiently waiting on a response. I honestly just want to know, if I really give him the time will he come back or have I completely blew it already ?
As an independent woman, it’s time to re-frame and re-write your own happiness. The best place to begin is by considering your values and what matters most to you in a relationship. For example, if family is a priority for you, then the best decisions will be those that support your family nucleus or extended family. What’s fundamentally important to you will translate into who you pick as a partner, whose career takes priority if you’re half of a couple, household responsibilities if you share a home, parenting roles for those with children, and much more.

Hi, me and my wife have split up after 15 years of marriage and she told me she does not love me anymore. I had an affair 5 years ago and she forgave me. About 2 years ago she asked me to go to relate but I said no as I thought we was ok. Then another year passed and we seemed ok. Then in dec 17 she told me she did not feel we were close any more and said im not her best friend anymore. After that struggled to deal with it and went into lock down mode. 8 months on she walked out saying she had been trying get it back with me but then she said she had been trying to get out for a while as she felt it had all gone. We have two children. And including all our dating time it’s been 21 years together. She said she loves more like a friend but is not in love with me. For 6 weeks before we broke up I pulled out all the stops she was still having sex with me but when she walked out she told me it was just something you do as a married couple which hurt me again. She has told me we are never getting back together as the love has gone and she wants her independence which is really what it’s all about. I was her first live. I have begged and promised to change which I have but it’s making no impact. She says it’s too late now and has been quite brutal with me in the things she has said. Advice?


My boyfriend and I broke up March 26th. We got in a huge fight and I said some mean things. I pretty much begged my way back to him. That lasted a month. During that month, he was very distant and wouldn’t really make plans with me. Mind you, before we started dating we were best friends for a year. He broke up with me one week ago. We didn’t talk for 3 days until we ran into each other at a concert. He was a little drunk, so i took care of him. He texted me the next morning and we talked for a bit, the next day i asked him if he wanted to see the new Deadpool movie. His response was “maybe” he then said maybe some space would do us good. And we haven’t talked since. He told me when he saw me that he “didn’t love me like that” anymore. Do you think i have a chance? Should i spend time working on me, and then contact him and try to get our friendship back and then hope we get back together? Or should i just move on? I really love him and want to be with him, he is still my bestfriend after all.
So an update, my boyfriend came back. It was a mix of everything that had piled up slowly in the last 6months that he didn’t deal with effectively. This isn’t such a surprise as he spoke about it a week before such as physical and mental long work hours, debts and family issues which he felt affected the quality of our relationship. He retreated to become calm and gain clarity. Mind you, this was a 2 week retreat with only 2 ‘I’ll contact you soon’ texts so I kept my distance. When he came back I was supportive and he opened up to me. So now he just needs some support and a clear path. The last thing I’d ever do is blame him for his absence while he is going through a vulnerable time.
When fear loses its power, you become unafraid to be yourself. You learn to show up, to be witnessed, and be real in your relationships, because there is nothing to lose, and nothing to be rejected. Rejection takes on new meaning, and it is no longer because there is something inherently wrong, broken, or inadequate within you. There is great power in authenticity.

It's unlikely that given the length of the relationship, she would move on so quickly. Use this time to give her space while working on making those changes that would not only improve her views of you but also yourself as a person. Show her these changes and prove to her from there that you're worth a second chance after. Remember to use actions and not words as she would be tired of hearing words at this point, and avoid getting desperate or needy if she initially pushes you away.
Hi my boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago, for the first 2 weeks he reached out to me a few times all positive and I replied. But i spoke to him on the phone 1 week ago, in which I cried and told him how i felt and that I wanted to be with him and could make it work. He said there was nothing I could do to change his mind, he still cared for me, but didnt see a future with me, and we didn’t have enough of an emotional connection for him. I haven’t spoken to him since, I am worried as he doesnt have any social media he wont be able to see what I am up to and I don’t think he will reach out again to me. Im not sure what the best plan going forward is
Answer: Remind him what he was chasing you for. Show him that just because he’s won over you doesn’t mean he gets to keep you. Instead of groveling and chasing him, turn the tables and make him work to get you back. If you remind him that you can be just fine without him, he’s likely to begin the hunt and chase all over again. [Read: How to keep a guy interested in 30 super sexy ways]
What makes you irreplaceable in the eyes of your man? Your ability to reach deep into the depths of who he is and inspire him. To put it more bluntly, you must offer something that is much more rare and valuable than sex if you want him to treat you as something important in his life. I mean … duh, right?  And yet this obvious truth gets distorted and overlooked.
To be honest I don’t think he is scared to take the next step. I do think he likes you and has feelings for you but it seems to me that you are not setting boundaries and voicing your opinion and standards in this relationship so he will eventually take you for granted. I know this isn’t the answer you want to hear but I am here to give you the truth through years of experience. Right now, he has you when he wants you and he does not have anything pushing him to be with you. Some questions I would ask is why does it not bother you that he is touchy feely with other women? Becuase you don’t want to push him away? Or Don’t want to come off bossy, controlling, or needy? If so, then this will push a man away because he will take you for granted. Now, if you are open to open relationships then that’s ok too. Just trying to touch all bases here. But moving forward you need to know your good enough and not an option to this man. Go radio silent for 30 days! Also, challenge yourself to do some new activities to keep your mind busy. I know this will be hard but do this. 🙂 I invite you to reach out to me for a coaching session too if you would like so we can get some actions into play.

Rachel, I’m a lot older than you. I’ve been through serious relationships, local and long distance. Bottom line, long distance doesn’t work. It’s not a relationship. I would say the only exception to this is if you’re already truly married, nothing else is wrong, and one of you has to travel for work. Still, that can only be temporary – the two of you have to reunite, want to reunite, and it happens.


Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”
Assure her that you both can fix the issues that led to your breakup. Remember why you guys broke up in the first place, so you can learn from your own mistakes. Have a plan ready, and discuss that plan with her. It's no use in getting back together if you go through the same issues all over again. If you didn't listen to her feelings enough, be sure that you're listening when you tell her you like her. If you didn't get along with her friends, make an extra effort to get along with them. Have a plan to attack what's likely to go wrong, and you'll impress the socks off of her.
While it is important to not pursue your ex for a month or so, it's okay to be responsive if he or she pursues you. In other words, if you get a call, don't hang up on your ex or refuse to talk. It is not necessary to try to play mind games or play hard to get, and doing so would have the potential to push him or her further away, which is the opposite of your goal at this point.[6]

@ Sam after reading your post I really don’t understand your question because you did say you refuse to be with someone who showed you he doesn’t care about your health if only we women really Focus on men ACTIONS not his words ACTIONS tells us the Truth… I think you really know he doesn’t really care about you and you should treat him the same with the I Don’t Care Attitude and move on.
Spending Saturday morning in the soup kitchen or helping an elderly person carry his groceries may be all it takes to have him calling you girlfriend. In a recent British study, people rated potential sexual partners to be more attractive for a long-term relationship if they had altruistic qualities. "Giving back to others shows your good heart and integrity, and although they may not consciously think that far in the future, men are subconsciously assessing maternal traits in a woman to see what kind of mother she'd be," Kelman says.
Three weeks ago I had birthday and he said he would celebrate with me. Last minute he cancelled due to work so I was very upset:( After that I asked him to not communicate with me because I am angry at him. We went quite for a weeks and later started being in touch but since that time he’s contact me is much less frequent and he never calls me – just text. But he still writes that he loves me so much and he misses me!! I do not understand his behavior… Please tell me what you think…
You don’t have to hang out with him all the time. You should also catch up with your friends often. Plan a girls’ night out or a girl’s trip, then share to him some fun moments with your friends. After spending a few days away from him, he may be happy you’re having a good time but he will also become jealous. If he sees how much fun you’re having, he’s going to want to come along on your next adventure. This way, you can also balance out the equation and do something without him which will ultimately make him miss you.
Getting him to commit to your relationship will be much more difficult if you keep nagging him about the same old things, over and over again. This is one of the major things you want to avoid if you are asking yourself the question how to get him to commit to you. There is nothing more annoying for a man than a whiny, spoiled woman who doesn’t stop nagging him about every single thing. If you are doing it all the time, stop it. The only thing you will achieve ios driving him up the wall or away from you. Making him run away from you will make your job twice as hard. Instead, embrace the new tactic. Let him loose a bit, and that doesn’t have to mean he can cheat or do what he wants. No. Just find another way to word out what you are bothered with, and sometimes being silent is golden as he will be wondering what is on your mind. If you still don’t know how to get him to commit, we got one more trick up our sleeve.
Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!
I have a very good feeling that if we can get to a point where we can talk openly and he isn't feeling pressured to get back together, we will have an excellent chance to make it work. I want to work to make big changes to make our sex life better and I know if I can show this to him, he will definitely want to reconsider. He is also young like me and very impulsive. We had a great relationship other than this issue.
It would be a good idea to fact find a bit more about her current situation (from mutual friends, etc), such as whether she may be seeing anyone, if she's going through a rough time, or anything that may be a reason for her hot/cold attitude towards you. There's also a chance that she is facing internal conflict between meeting you and getting reminded of both good and bad times from the past.
I wish i was strong enough to follow these steps. I feel so lost. My fiance cheated & got her pregnant, right after i miscarried. I didnt even know i was pregnant & when it happened I had just found out about her & she was 4months along. He says he loves me & was stupid & ruined everything & i deserve better,but he has no choice but to stay with her to raise the baby even if he doesnt want to. He says its life & he has to deal with his mistakes. I can never be with him but we have known each other for over 20 yrs & i miss my friend, he wont talk to me & the last time we did he looked at the ground the whole time, just saying hes a pc of crap & he ruined our life & our family. I know hes unhappy, i can feel it in my soul & im sure everyone thonks im nuts, but i honestly believe hes hating his life. I love him so much & i can never be with him again after such betrayal but will he ever forgive himsrlf & come back, i miss my friend so much & it hurts me to know hes unhappy & its very painful he wont talk to me.
Take up extreme sports. Do that, and he may think he's losing you. The point here isn't so much that you risk your life but that you actually create more of a life outside his orbit. Canceling a date because you want to make him jealous is lame, but canceling a date because, hey, you've got your karate classes tonight and your flying lessons tomorrow, is sort of cool. Once there's something competing for your attention, he begins to wonder how much he really matters in your life scheme. All you're doing is filling up your time with cool stuff he might like to do, but you're not including him. He's got to wonder if you're drifting away, and in order to lay claim reasonably to more of your time, he'll have to be explicit about how much time he wants. In other words, he'll have to bring up The Talk. Risk factor: Low, with regard to losing him; high, when it comes to your own personal safety, especially if you choose a hobby known for producing fatalities. (Hint: No guy — no matter how great — is worth scaling Everest for.)
My man is going through a withdrawal period now, and I won’t lie, it’s tough. But anyway the fact is that when he withdraws, as a woman you feel like he doesn’t care anymore, he’s pulling a slow fade, he’s toying with me. This may be true, especially if he’s generally uncaring, treata you like crap, i.e. if there was never that connection between the two of you. However if the man has never given you a reason to not trust him, then maybe you must acknowledge that yours fears are just fears – not based on any factual evidence.
While most people these days accept women’s contributions to the workplace environment and will support your career advancement, there may still be life moments that suggest the opposite e.g., an argument with your partner, a heated discussion with family, lunch with girlfriends, discussions with a co-worker, or a PTA meeting with stay-at-home moms. Just be yourself and reject negativity, politely standing your ground when necessary. Every person, every relationship, and every family is different and if it works for you and your loved ones, that is the only thing that matters.

This has nothing to do with money, but instead, it has everything to do with small favors that he can perform for you. If you’re stuck on the side of the road, ask him to pick you up. Or, if you can’t reach the light fixture in your bedroom, ask him to come over and change the bulb for you. These small tasks may not seem like much, but over time, he will subconsciously feel attached to you because of all of the work that he has put in. People tend to like you more if they do favors for you, it’s a theory called the "Ben Franklin Effect.” So continue to ask him to do small things here and there. In no time, he’ll feel so connected to you, he will be anxious to ask you to be his girlfriend!
A common complaint I hear from women is how their man minimizes their feelings or concerns. Telling her, “It’s not a big deal,” “Just get over it” or “It’ll be ok” can invalidate her experiences. Just because you don’t think it’s a big deal doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. Understand your woman’s feelings by asking open-ended questions. You don’t have to agree with her, but understanding her perspective will deepen your connection, and increase trust and safety.
Spend time with good friends. One of the best ways to source yourself is to put yourself in the company of good friends. Good friends remind you of who you really are. They can give you a new perspective on things and can generally be fun to be around. Good friends serve as one of the best distractions as opposed to eating a bucket of ice cream and watching Netflix all alone because they can help to build you up in the meantime and leave you more empowered, stronger, and more in touch with who you are. It might be worth it to define who good friends are. Good friends are friends that help you choose the most useful and empowering interpretation of your situation. They don’t look to blame or help you wallow in self-pity. They have compassion for you, yet believe that you are inherently fine. They remind you of how fun you are and how much life itself has to offer. Spending time with people like this will feed your soul. During this time take advantage of everything these wonderful people in your life have to offer. Plan a trip. See that show you all always wanted to see. Do all the things that make you feel alive and do it in good company.

With hindsight, Peter could see that the unpleasant situation he found himself in every day at work had left him depressed in the evenings. His response to depression had been to sink increasingly into "poor me" ruminations. "How can they treat me so unfairly? Why can't my boss appreciate my talents?  I'm stuck in a job that's not my thing. I hate having a job that doesn't fit and a boss who's chronically negative."
So hear I am 30 days no contact, regularly going to my spin classes again, buying furniture for my new condo, focusing on me...but I feel like an emotional basket case most days still and no phone number to reach him. I really wanted to spend more time with him I feel as though it was cut short and I was still in the honeymoon excited about the future phase. What should I do? Short of showing up at his door step or writing a letter I have no means of contact (except social media). I was hoping I would hear from him soon and hoping he realizes that he made a mistake...any advice would be helpful

Then, for every ten black women, there are only nine black men in society. Many die young. (Which means that many more have seen their friends die young). Many — but not most — are in prison. Many more are tagged with often scurrilous criminal records they don’t deserve — “resisting arrest” or “suspicious behavior” or “fleeing police in a high-crime area” — which prevents them from being considered for jobs, voting, or feeling like equals to their fellow male citizens.

Hey Adam I slept with a guy too soon and have been sleeping with him I don’t feel like he’s looking for anything serious cause he said he wants to take things slow after it all happened. I know he sees other women he told me he likes me an sees himself with me but not right now because he said he doesn’t think it will take much for us to get in a relationship so he wants to let more time pass he invited me to go on vacation with him I don’t know what any of this means really I tried to have an open talk with him about it by saying it’s okay tell me if you don’t want anything serious we can just end it now cause I don’t want to get hurt but he still claims he wants to be with me just not right away what do you think ? Should I run?

I came across this website by accident and read through the article. I have been seeing a guy from Tinder for three months. The first two and half months of dating was perfect and I did not see any flaws on him,which makes me feel upset at the moment. We were always hanging out at the same area. I saw him with another woman the other night and was questioned him who she was. He explained it was just a friend but no one would believe such excuse. Ever since that night, we did not talk to each other any more. He texted me back yesterday saying he thought things went out of control and we both overreacted. I replied him saying that we may overreact but he did not say anything. He said he was also upset. I was heart broken and the saddest thing is I still like him. But on the other hand, I don't want to approach him if he does care about me. What should I do? Should I move on? I always concerned of not able to find someone who is better than him. Please help.
Hi, I had been dating a guy for 2.5 years, he’s a Muslim and I’m a Christian,during this time he was completely in love with me and he has done a lottttt of things to keep me happy and to show how much he loves me... because he was never like this and I could feel it and even his family and friends had told me that he has never been soooo serious before for any girl and I myself felt his love for me then... and I had amazing connections with his family and even most of his relatives side knew me.. though we used to fight a lot we always managed to get back and love each other more.. but the few days before the breakup we had been fighting and that is when he went to his cousins place far from where we live .. he stayed at his ex’s place who is his cousin and he had dated her for 2 years before me ... and he suddenly started getting feelings for her and they were so strong that he went and told her mom that he wants to get married to her and even kissed her and stuff ... but then after he came back from there he has ditched her a million times already by kissing me and getting physical with me and even after that girl knew this she accepted him like twice .. and when there were problems in their relationship ( now it’s almost 2 months since we broke up and since he’s got into a relation with her ) he used to come to me asking if I will or will not give him another chance and that he loves me .. this has happened twice and both the times I used to agree and then we used to get physical ...I have come out of my country that means we don’t meet and he doesn’t even talk ( I have broken 4 rules which are mentioned above because I hadn’t read the article before) so now my ex says he doesn’t want me at all and he doesn’t love me...and again their marriage is fixed like they say they’ll get married after 5 years once he has achieved something in life ..both of us are 20 and his present girlfriend is 18...in this situation where families are involved and where he claims to love her soooo much will is till be able to get him back? Please help ... is it still possible ?

On the other hand, if your relationship is more like Boris and Natasha’s, all he’s hearing is you nagging for every little thing he does. The two of you might argue often, even though you care deeply for one another. Then all he’s going to feel is pain. This will not lead to him missing you. He may, in fact, choose to get away from you as often as he can!

It would seem that he lost the interest in having a relationship with you, but doesn't want to deal with the emotional hurt of going through a breakup, which was why he suggested occasionally talking and hooking up - in order to ease the transition. Also, he doesn't seem very emotionally mature and even seems to be acting a little spiteful towards your rejection of sex but still remains conflicted with talking to you in order to not feel the gap at times. If he is still trying to meet up, perhaps he would still have the intention of wanting to hookup or perhaps even reconcile, but I would recommend some discretion on your part to at least ensure he is doing things for the right reason before you decide.
I have been in love with the same guy for about three years,in the beginning he told me he did not want anything serious …so I did distance my self for a little while, however now we spend all are time together…going to the gym, going to his friends place cooking together …he keeps contact with me through out the day…it seems very much like a relationship with out a title…
Men who pull away are often in situations in which they are playing the field and playing games with women’s emotions. This leads to instability right off the bat. This is where I like to take a moment to tell my coachees that even though they may be single and dating, not every man that they meet is going to have the same intentions. That’s why it’s important for you to love yourself fully, make sure you’re aligned with your goals and stay committed to your values.
After that I told him to leave me alone because I needed to whitdraw from him, also in order to give him the space he was asking for, and he said that he hadn´t seen that much to me since we broke up. I insisted, and he respected it.I told him that I would contact him about the party. But last weekend he and his friend was out again, and now his friend texted me, asking med to come to the club. I refused again. Then I contacted my ex last Sunday to talk about the party, because he has some tables and chairs I could borrow for the party. He responded immediately, and have been written a few times after about how my daughter was doing, and he also showed up Monday when she had her last examen to celebrate her.
Risk factor: Medium to high. If he's a jerk, he may look at this as an opportunity for some bed-hopping, single-guy abandon. He may find he likes it better when you're not around and move to make it a permanent condition. If that happens, he's not worth the price of your return ticket. Besides, if you haven't had The Talk, no one's stopping you from staying on an extra week and having that little vacation fling with a lusty young cabana boy. If that's what you want, go for it.
Our third attempt—and, you guessed it, the ensuing breakup—was kind of a glitch in the space-time continuum. It was 2009, and at this point I’d realized Mary was not an easy person to please. I coasted through the relationship, and she called me out where other girls I’d been with brushed off my repeated bad behavior. Our second breakup had reinforced the notion that no relationship comes easy and you have to put in the work, but I still sucked.
Continuing contact with her right now may only hurt you further, especially when she’s at the stage of being unsure and you’re still hurting. Beginning no contact right now seems like a good idea as you’ve mentioned and as to whether you should wait, that’s a decision you have to make. I think you’ll be able to get a clearer idea of what path to take once you’re more emotionally stable again and hurting less.
After a healthy and happy relationship for 10 months, he told me his ex wife wants to get back with him. I asked where does this leave me within this equation, he wouldn’t respond, So I asked him does he love me, he said no he does not love me and had never made empty promises nor used the word love! I broke it off and now it’s been 7 weeks without contact! I was hoping he would realise my absence and hold onto the good memories we had together. Will he contact me as I am following the no contact rule as you advise
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