The thing to realize is that people with great relationships don’t have the great relationships because they know great relationship secrets or psychological loopholes of the male mind. Fundamentally, people in the best relationships all have one thing in common: they don’t have relationships with people who are not a good match for them. They don’t let them into their life.
My first boyfriend actually hated himself and was suicidal, and no matter what I did to support him and how much I loved him, I couldn’t actually make him love himself. And to be honest it ended up affecting me too and with other life circumstances (friendsh*ts, bad relationship with my mom at the time) I got so depressed myself that I also had suicidal thoughts. It was horrible. And it`s been some time and things have changed for me, but I just wanted to say I`ve both seen and learned myself the importance of self love and being committed to ourselves!
We met in fb he lived in different country we met in my country when he came to meet his family thats our first meeting and he said nothing to me and being physicall after that he loves me like he not used to we were so happy together after that he went back to his country and his behaviour become wrost day by day he started ignored me he didnt talk with me from many days no night or morning massages as he used to did we have been togather for 4 years but he changed we did breakup but i did again pachup and bear all his attitudes i love him so much what can i do i cant live with out him
It seems like she is having some sort of depressive episode, but if she doesn't admit or acknowledge it, there isn't much you can do because she won't admit to needing help. You can reach out again in October after no contact, but I suggest taking it a step at a time to see how she responds to you, and whether she still seems to be depressed at that stage.
If your man is acting distant and you want him to come back to you, chasing after him plain won’t work. The best thing to do is to give him the space he’s looking for so that he can solve whatever’s bothering him and get back to normal. If you chase him it only pushes him further away, instead give him the space he needs and he’ll feel your absence as soon as he solves his problem and will want to come running back to you.
To be frank, no one can say for sure whether the next relationship that our ex gets into would last long or not, but you'll also have to think logically about it and realize that after 4 years of being together with one person, getting into a new relationship with someone else would come across as novel and exciting. It may not be awhile until it actually hits him, and he realizes that he had lost something valuable (you), and decides to talk to you again, especially if the new relationship starts giving him problems.
Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now he used to be like the best thing ever made be feel loved like never before. But of recent he got in to medical school and it started stressing him out and he started giving me less attention and I was actually going through a lot during this period and he was so busy that he wasn’t giving me attention so I started complaining and fighting with him a lot and asking for more attention but eventually he started avoiding me and every time I am with him and his not doing what I want I would start crying and I could feel him drifting away more and more then I spoke to him one night and he said he was indifferent about the relationship and wants us to be friends I cried so much and begged him for a second chance he actually really cares for me this Part I know out of pity he gave me a second chance then a few days ago he sent a random text saying his sorry he ever hurt me and he loves me so much but he still doesn’t call or text me much it hurts cause I really love him and I don’t want to loose i just need advice on what to do because all I want to do is talk to him every time but I don’t want to chock him and if his online and doesn’t text me I start to feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me the thing is how do i give him space and still make him love me as much as he used to
No need to sign up at the homeless shelter only to impress him. Little things in your everyday life, from buying coffee for the woman in line behind you to walking your neighbor's dog, count too. Make an effort to do these things on a regular basis, but also make sure you're showing your selfless side when you're with him. When you're a kind and gracious person, men (and women) are more likely to want to be around you—both consciously and subconsciously.
James program centers around what he refers to as the "Hero Principal".  He has truly figured out the signals and phrases a man "needs" to hear and feel to trigger his commitment phase. JB put together a presentation video that discusses many of the challenges you're going through right now and things you can do, starting immediately, to dramatically improve the way you understand men and the pathway to commitment.

on Tuesday after work he like came up to me and was like “i’m gonna start writing down my feelings, that’s what you're doing right?” and so i was like “yeah it’s this book” cuz i had the book with me. then he was like oh lemme read it so i was like okay pick a page so he did and then he read that page but then he ended up reading more. after i took the book off him he tried to take it back off me and while he did that he cut me by accident and my finger started bleeding. then he holds my finger and say “i'm sorry i feel really bad” and i say oh its fine dw about it. THEN he kisses my finger. then after a while he was sitting there lookin all sad and so i was like what’s wrong? and he was like can i talk to you outside and so i was like okay. then we go outside and he was like “I didn’t even realize this but i still love you so so much” and he was like almost crying so i was like aww come give me a hug so he hugged me and it was like really tight hug like it was different. but then he’s like but i dont wanna give you false hope.so i was like yeah okay i know. then Thursday he tells the girl he's "moved on" to that he likes her and that’s okay whatever it’s his choice but then on friday he tells my friend on snap chat that he still has romantic feelings for me.
This article is surprisingly well written considering that most refer to manipulation of some sort. Yet, I would like to take a middle ground here in the positions taken by Eric Charles and Jennie. I think a fifth point, but moved to the top of the post should be on finding your own self love, and source of fulfillment independent of relationships, which helps you then do the second point say no to those who are not a good fit for you — i.e. know how to choose those compatible to you so that you can be yourself and also add value to his/her life. And yes, such relationships are reciprocal. It is not only the woman adding value, the man reciprocates as well. Both partners benefit. And commitment is a natural result, without having to manipulate the situation in any way. Thanks for offering different points of view.
These 3 steps are based on simple psychological techniques that work extremely well after a breakup. It’s not some mind tricks and cheap gimmicks that you will use to trick your ex into getting back together. If you are planning to trick your ex or force them into being with you, you are just going to end up in another miserable breakup. This guide will teach you how to start a new relationship with your ex; a relationship that actually has a chance of being a long lasting healthy relationship. Not the same old one which ended in this breakup.
Great article, so my situation started out last week with him pulling away, first day I was asking him what going on why so distant, and he explained he was stressed and they he didn’t want anything to change between us and regardless we would make it. Unfortunately the distant behavior never changed and I was giving him space, I was going to the doctor about a health issue and that when I let him know about it, his lack of concern for me and my health too me by suprise. I understand you need to handle your life but I would think a moment of empathy could succumb the moment of space needed (just a follow up text that he actually cared I wasn’t asking for the world) welp he just gave me a two answer text then I was I asked about his lack of empathy he apologies saying he did understand the message. So I broke off the realatiobshio bc I refused to be with someone who didn’t care and he had never responded to the message and it’s been five day. Please advise?
I hope you can help me with this. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now. Things started out great but the last couple of weeks I’ve been kind of moody and on edge due to stressing over finding a job. This weekend I tried to get him to stay with me but he said he would have to work, but wasn’t sure about Saturday due to a possible lack of a ride. So I asked him if I could pick him up Saturday or if he wanted to wait to see me till Sunday. He told me he would just see me Sunday that he didn’t know if he had stuff to do Saturday. Is it possible that I’ve been pushing him away and he’s wanting space or looking to break up with me, or am I just over thinking this whole thing?

Thank you for answering me. I just got the logic vs emotion email and I just need to check if I have any chances getting my man back. My cousin texted him the other day without me knowing, to get his side of what happened. He ended up responding with "breaking up with her wasn't an easy decision at all but too many tings in the relationship needed to change and they weren't being fixed. It wasn't easy but I really think it's the best decision for us moving forward" To me that sounds like logic, not emotion. Honestly, is there any chance for me to get him back? W were together 3 years and 1 week. I think it was a pretty meaningful relationship.


As a child, you might have dreamt that your prince charming was going ride on his white horse and then whisk you away. Chances are, that won’t happen, but this doesn’t necessarily mean you will not get the man of your dreams. The problem is that, if you idealize the man of your dreams all the time, it is only going to make the search difficult for you.
Hi there. My boyfriend of two and a half years just broke up with me a week ago. He currently just left for college and since I'm one year younger I'm still home. We had been planning to stay together throughout college and there have been many talks about our goals for the future. We never fought, but always communicated. We were a real pure relationship and everyone around us could see we were meant to be. All the sudden he gets drunk at a party one night and breaks up with me over a phone call. I know your probably thinking it's because we wants his freedom in college and doesnt want to be tied down, but he isn't that kind of guy. He specifically told me that he has been depressed this pass week and doesn't think that his life will be happier or better without me, but he "has to do this." My bestfriend also told me he told her he won't fall in love again until he's 25. The reason why he claims to be doing this is because long distance is too hard for him if we dont have a future together. But, he has always seen a future and admitted that he is pushing me away right now. My bestfriend (who is also his best friend) thinks that he thinks he is saving me from eventual heartbreak in the future. I don't know how to get him to realize he's not thinking clearly, especially because he only thought about breaking up with me one day before he actually did it and said "he couldn't do it unless he was drunk." He also told me he loved me 45 minutes before he broke up with me and said how he couldn't wait for me to visit and how all his friends were going to love me. So honestly I think he is just getting scared about the future because he tends to do that. He has texted me to make sure I was okay and still wants to be in my life. How do I make him realize I'm the one again because up until the day he broke up with me he believed it? I dont know what to do.
Getting him to commit to your relationship will be much more difficult if you keep nagging him about the same old things, over and over again. This is one of the major things you want to avoid if you are asking yourself the question how to get him to commit to you. There is nothing more annoying for a man than a whiny, spoiled woman who doesn’t stop nagging him about every single thing. If you are doing it all the time, stop it. The only thing you will achieve ios driving him up the wall or away from you. Making him run away from you will make your job twice as hard. Instead, embrace the new tactic. Let him loose a bit, and that doesn’t have to mean he can cheat or do what he wants. No. Just find another way to word out what you are bothered with, and sometimes being silent is golden as he will be wondering what is on your mind. If you still don’t know how to get him to commit, we got one more trick up our sleeve.
I know how frustrating it can be when you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level, and figuring out how to get your man to commit, but he just keeps putting it off or giving you lame excuses. Because I have lived it and got my man to commit, it’s only fair that I share all my secrets on how to make a man commit so you can too have your prince charming.
I really love him. I just want to hear from him. Some of the reasonings we broke up include he felt unappreciated, he wasn’t “getting” happy, he’s bored with the relationship because all we do is sit around, which I immediately told him that’s not fair and I always try to get him to do things and said I know. But a few more reasons he’s told me, he wants to be around someone positive, and I’ll admit I haven’t been in the best shape lately. I lost my job, I’ve been going through family issues, and friend issues. I always am first to tell him everything. I can understand why this is what could push him away. He is a very easy go free kind of guy. He also told me “I’m not what he wants in a girlfriend” of course all these words hurt. I think about everything he’s said and it hurts. Do I believe them? Slightly.
If your man is the one for you then you need to learn to understand him. You need to learn what motivates him and what scares him. Once you understand him you should be able to create a relationship where he doesn’t feel threatened. If he doesn’t feel threatened then he will be less likely to pull away which should result in the two of you having more time to develop your relationship.
This guy I went on a few dates with recently told me that I was a cool person but he thought that we weren’t compatible in the long run. He still talks to me through texting often. After he told me, I didn’t react and simply said “oh OK”.Then he asked me if I was pissed off or upset about it. I simply replied that I was fine and he told me I was cooler than he thought.
Ok so I met this guy on tinder (yeah I know) so anyways we talk for like a week and a half we meet we both become infatuated, he pops the I love you (first) and I go along with it even though I feel it’s early. So we were “talking” for a month became fb official and a month after that I met his parents briefly, everything is hot for about a month then it slowly starts to die off. Ok well during this whole time of talking and being bf gf we only talked on the phone say 4 maybe 5 times (not including if we had plans and called each other for quick info or what not) all of our conversations were through snapchat and text…. So slowly the text and snapchat is dying off and I’m like and he not making plans as much and he’s flaking out on me… So I told him I felt him pulling away and he sends me very short replies to my messages and now he won’t talk to me at all. I’m thinking now that I’ve typed this all out. Leaving him alone would be my best bet… Huh?

No need to sign up at the homeless shelter only to impress him. Little things in your everyday life, from buying coffee for the woman in line behind you to walking your neighbor's dog, count too. Make an effort to do these things on a regular basis, but also make sure you're showing your selfless side when you're with him. When you're a kind and gracious person, men (and women) are more likely to want to be around you—both consciously and subconsciously.
My girlfriend of two years has left me again (after doing the same thing about two months prior). The last time I had began to move on even though I really didn't want to. She contacted me and said she was shocked by how fast I was moving on and she proceeded to make me believe she wanted me back. Two weeks ago she did the same again - ended it after telling me she "hates me", doesn't love me or fancy me. It's all very out of the blue and I'm acting desperate and needy right now, it's awful. I feel like I'm going mad and I just don't know what to do. I love her but I feel like it's a lost cause.
So an update, my boyfriend came back. It was a mix of everything that had piled up slowly in the last 6months that he didn’t deal with effectively. This isn’t such a surprise as he spoke about it a week before such as physical and mental long work hours, debts and family issues which he felt affected the quality of our relationship. He retreated to become calm and gain clarity. Mind you, this was a 2 week retreat with only 2 ‘I’ll contact you soon’ texts so I kept my distance. When he came back I was supportive and he opened up to me. So now he just needs some support and a clear path. The last thing I’d ever do is blame him for his absence while he is going through a vulnerable time.
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Hi, my boyfriend of 4+ years broke up with me. We went through about 2 months worth of breaking up. Sleeping in motels, gradually moving out back into my step-dads. We were basically married without the paperwork. His family called me their daughter-in-law, we shared bank accounts, bought a car together. And one day after a stupid argument, he woke up and said he wasn't happy. My whole world collapsed. Yeah I know we had problems here and there, but nothing serious enough to actually break-up over. I was shocked. He said he had warned me here and there about things, but I guess I didn't take it seriously enough. Had I known I would have never let this happen. He said he couldn't anymore. I had hurt him too much and he resented me too much to let go and move forward. I feel like I addressed my mistakes and apologized, but he didn't let me show him how I would try to fix them. Now he has finally dropped off the rest of my stuff, and our cat we got together, at the place Im staying at now. When we hugged and said goodbye I could feel him shaking but he still pushed me away. When he walked out the door he did turn around and wave with tears in his eyes, but he still left. He still would rather not be with me, than be with me. I want him back so bad, I know we are good for each other. Im willing to do anything. Will your system work? Should I try anymore? Is there even a chance?
maybe you should lead someone on for as long as you do before showing that kind of attention back. and you wonder why men think their not good enough for you resulting in pulling away. not being funny but too many women out there expect the men to try try and try only for THEM to get the so called ‘reward’. ever considered making it a mutual thing and not all female onesided letting the man feel like he has to earn some kind of reward..
P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason
If when you're apart you're doing the following things: tagging him in photos on Facebook, sending him a Snapchat every ten minutes to get his attention, texting his friends to see what they're up to, or posting pictures with other guys on Instagram to make him a little jealous... he's not going to miss you. He's going to get frustrated and want to be away from you.
Make peace with your fears and insecurities to diminish their power. When you learn how to manage fear, you become confident in dating and relationships. To overcome fear, empower yourself with knowledge. Become a student of relationships, instead of a victim of them. Study love. Read. Watch. Listen. Find every way you can to learn about how men and women work, so that you can become both a student, and a master of love in your life.
So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.
Hi Eric,i really need ur advice thrs a guy whom i love i ve alrdy askd him out we’ve meet twice bt iam very serious about him..he said he does not want to b in a relationship..as he just had a break up wth smbdy…bt he also sayss that he will never let me go things would be the same as wen ur in relationship just it wont be official..but niwdays i feel he gets irritated while speakn online…i want him to be mine forevr…wat should i do to get him commit nd love me….
Sorry in advance for this being a bit long. My ex and I were together for about 3 months and we were both really happy during that time. Towards the end though she started stressing at the idea of committing to a relationship. I also was panicking because she has lots of guy friends and she was hanging out with one of them a lot more than normal(But now I know there was never anything between them). She started distancing herself and stopped talking to me and after a month of this I told her that she needs to tell me what's wrong because I couldn't go on in the relationship without any communication from her. She apologized and said that we should just be friends. For the next week I was openly sad, even with her around because we work together. Eventually I just started NC and went for 2 weeks. After that I tried talking again and after a week I realized that I still wasn't ready so I did NC for a month. She tried contacting me multiple times during this. After the month she texted and apologized for everything that had happened and she wanted things to go back to the way they were between us (she wanted us to be just friends but still talk to each other like we used to). I decided ok she misses me it's only a matter of time so we got really close for the next 2 months and really seemed like she was attracted to me again. Then I started to panic because I knew I would eventually have to ask her if she wanted to get back together. So I stopped talking because that's what happens when I stress. She noticed then asked what was wrong and I told her that I had feelings for her again and I understood that she probably didn't feel the same but I just had to let her know how I felt. She didn't respond much to that so I did another no contact for 2 months she only tried to contact me once. After the 2 months I apologized and since then we have been closer than the first NC but not as close as when we were together. She's been going hot and cold lately though. Like one day we'd be talking and is feel like wow this is just like the good old days I love her and others she's just giving one word responses and I'm left with a headache because I over think everything. What should I Do? Sorry this was so long and thanks for reading it.
2 months ago I reconnected with the love of my life from 20 years ago. He calls me very night and we talk on the phone for hours. We are both single. Ive hinted to him that im interested in more than a friendship but he doesnt respond and changes the conversation. I havent hinted anymore. He hasnt even mentioned about seeing each other. We live in the same city. He is having a rough financial time right now. He even had to sell his car. Am I in the friend zone or should I wait to see if this develops into something more?
I’ve been separated for 2 years now and was always trying to read about relationships, and understand what went wrong in my situation. So one after another, and onother so so book purchase lead me finally to your book! I pushed myself and finally started dating again. I’m dating this guy for one month now and your articles are absolutely priceless and of a high value to me! I would even really like to have a session of your advice in person, if it’s possible:), maybe you visit Boston any time soon?:)
So there’s two angles this must be approached from. Firstly, both of you must be open, vulnerable and directly honest about everything that is happening with each of you. You must use honesty to force yourpartner to accept who you are. If they don’t, leave them, to create space for someone who will. Secondly, both must create an agreement of openness, whereby each will not punish honesty but will work to accept it.
It would really depend on the type of person he is, but perhaps for now just go with NC as found in our articles, and focus on loving yourself first. Pick yourself up from the breakup, and if he contacts you again it would be a bonus. Sometimes a guy doesn't know what he's lost until he's actually lost it, and desperately comes back, but other times they just end up not thinking about it and may have even decided to move on the moment the breakup happens. As I've said, it would really depend on how he is as a person - that would determine what he does.

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