It may be early days in this might-be-a-relationship, but practicing independence early on sets a good precedence. Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, stresses the importance of autonomy in a relationship. Having different interests, friends, and activities make for a more balanced couple.
I need some advice please. I have read numerous articles online about breakups and "getting your ex back". I haven't found one yet that pertains to our situation. We are 40yrs old. We were together a year and a half then lived together for nearly a year. Been friends for past 15 yrs. I moved away and we kept a long distance relationship for 6 months.
SIDE NOTE: One thing I want you to see here is that to your ex or any other girl, your DMV/ perceived superiority is as high as your behavior makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship. Enticing her back quickly into a new relationship/fresh start can be achieved by following my 6 step program.
Once you've faced your fear of being partnerless, then, and only then, can you know if you genuinely want your relationship back. "If you only miss your ex when you feel lonely, or when you compare your life to those of friends in relationships but not in moments when you feel happy and confident, it won't make for a very fulfilling relationship down the line," Dr. Bockarova says.

Your girlfriend wants to know that you have eyes for her only.  She needs to know why you chose to be with her.  And she wants to see that you will be loyal to her.  Most woman worry that you will tire of them, move on or become unfaithful.  By expressing why you are with her, she will feel more secure in the relationship and that you are not going anywhere.


I broke up with my ex about six months ago after a five month relationship. it was very intense and he was completely in love with me. However i wasn’t ready for such a serious relationship so I broke up with him. i tried to be friends with him but he started acting a little needy so i cut off contact with him. over the past few months i’ve realized that i am ready for a relationship with him because i really did love him and he never did anything to hurt me i just wasn’t ready at the time. I texted him the other day asking to be friends and later that day, my friend told me he was seeing someone. I want to respect the relationship but also want him to know that i am willing to wait for him and in the meantime i’ll do things that make me happy. Is this a good idea? I feel like she is a rebound. he told me i was the love of his life and that he never felt a connection with anyone else like he did with me so i find it hard to believe that he is serious about the girl he started dating shortly after our breakup. Nonetheless if he is i will back off but i also feel like what we had isn’t over yet.

Another point, which is quite stereotypical, is owning nice undergarments. It doesn't have to be super-fancy lingerie, but a nice matching set of lace underwear and bra go a long way. While my boyfriend doesn't care much, he is always pleasantly surprised when I have something special waiting under my casual clothes. He notices every time. In general, I think French women are more intentional about their personal care, including what they wear underneath their clothes, and this is definitely appreciated by French men. And women should do it for themselves, too!"

I’m going through this exact thing. It’s heartbreaking. I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now. He told me a while ago that he had fallen for me. I told him I felt the same. The last few weeks have been really hard. With either really short texts or no reply at all. He’s been busy with work. I know this is true. I get that he can’t answer every text straight away. I also understand he has a life of his own. We’ve barely said about 5 sentences to each other over the last few days. It’s taken a lot for me to start this relationship. After being single for about 11 years. I don’t want to end up in the exact same place as I was a few months ago.
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

Dating should be fun and nothing more than a way to meet and get to know another person, who may or may not be fit to share your life with you. “[Dating] is not a commitment. There is no obligation involved with dating. No one owes anyone anything ever,” says Freed. It’s easy to get excited about someone and start planning your future together, but remember that you’re both just figuring out if you even like each other first. Don’t put pressure on things by feeling like you owe each other something, you don’t.
Let things progress naturally and look at the evidence: Does he try to see you whenever he's free? Does he seem genuinely interested in what you have to say? Does he have as much fun on dates as you do? These are likely signs he's in it for real, so enjoy being with him and relax about making things "official." "Men who are wary of commitment want to feel like they're the one choosing to be with you—they don't want to feel like they're being coaxed into a cage," Trespicio adds.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, while chemistry is important, it is not the purpose of the first date. Chemistry activates in the brain in the same location as cocaine. Yes… it acts like a drug. One that can blind you from seeing a woman’s red flags as well as areas that will eventually be relationship enders. The first date is about connection. So how do you create that connection? But taking into account who you and she truly are. Screw the facade. It’s time to get real.

Hi Sophia! I am sorry your ex is being abusive to you. You don’t deserve that. No one does. It sounds like he is being manipulative by trying to talk you into getting an abortion as a requirement to see him. The double messaging seems to be his way of trying to control you. You should consult with your family, your physician and others you trust before you do anything around an abortion. Do you really want to be with this guy? I do think No Contact would help you heal and gaining some perspective about what is important in your life.

They stop chasing their dreams, they stop looking after themselves, they stop creating an awesome life – and they lose what it was that the woman was likely attracted to in the first place. What do you want to do with your life? What are you passionate about? What are you interested in? Keep working on those thing. Stay hungry, stay passionate, stay motivated – and stay attractive.


This is why it’s important that not only do his friends like you, but you need to make sure that they love you! Don’t come across as fake though, they’ll be able to see right through you. Instead, be cordial, be friendly, smile and laugh at their jokes. Become friends with his friends’ girlfriends, too. If you can make a good impression on his pals, their love for you may be more than enough for your guy to finally realize you’re The One, and he will be ready to finally settle down with you.
Men don’t commit because they know they don’t have to. They know that you won’t leave them and even if you do leave,there will be some thirsty female out there that will be all too happy to pick up right where you left off. They believe that they are God’s gift to women. They will never realize that women are God’s gift to men. And most women do not recognize their value. And a large amount of women more than likely believe that they don’t have any.
Last year we were about to marry, everyone was veryy happy, hi family and my family met then his mother ask for few details and wanted to do enquiry and all of my family and she said she wont allow me to work, i said yes to everthing as i was in love and wanted to marry him everything was soo good but just after the family meeting i said him that he shouldn’t speak a single word in front of his family as i was expecting him support me and say that its been 5 years we know each and already discussed everthing then i got upset from him , we faught and later on he said everthing to his mother and she start hated me , We broke up:(
It seems that relationships become completely different things over time. An initial relationship has completely different values from a 'vintage' relationship. Furthermore a relationship has different values depending on your age. When relationships being, both partners have a distorted impression of each other. They are high on emotion and are in the attraction stage thus those annoying little ticks that drive you insane are unnoticeable under all of the excitement. The middle stage is withdrawal. The chemicals start to ebb after about 2 years and this is where the rationalization arguments begin. Where you argue because you are irritated and project your withdrawal on to your partner because they are no longer on the pedestal that you yourself put them. Now this where most people say good bye, or sometimes through some sense of duty and loyalty they never resolve the problems they just endure them and the unhappy relationship continues. Some others they reach another plane of a relationship. Where that person becomes a part of you. You have gone through the withdrawal and now you are life partners you are one body. In this throw away world, not enough people have enough humility or self awareness to reach this level. They are too busy trying to find their next fix after during the withdrawal phase. Sad...
Get some new clothes. New times call for new duds. It's a subtle change in you, but the importance will be clear to her: your new outer shell will signal deeper changes underneath. Get that new shirt that you've been wanting to buy, or those new pair of jeans. Looking sharp is an important aspect of physical attraction, and if she sees you looking great in unfamiliar clothes, she'll sense that there's been forward movement, if not wholesale change.
Imagine if you were dating a guy who wasn’t quite right for you, but was good enough that you could see yourself dating him and maybe committing to him down the line. There’s a lot of yellow flags there, and you want to take your time with him to see if this could actually go anywhere. (Since most men are cautious about commitment or marriage, this is a pretty good analogy.)
The third is to be emotionally available enough to listen when she just needs someone to talk to, and to resist the urge to try to fix the problem. If you’re not sure what she needs when she comes to you, ask her! It shows you care enough to want to be there for her, in whatever capacity she needs. Sometimes we just need a hug. (Man that sounds cheesy.)
So my girlfriend dumped me 4 days ago. She said that she has been unhappy for awhile and that I cant fix it. I know she loves me and I cherish her more than life. But she keeps saying she doesnt know what she wants and that she needs time away to find happiness. I was upset so I did message her quite a bit and sent her flowers. After reading this I have stopped talking to her to give her time. I will do anything it takes to win her back. We were together 2 and a half years. Do I still have a chance and if so what should I do and when will will it be okay to message her to begin talking again?
It has ended here and I am just dying to find a solution to all this mess I have created with my clumsiness. I have a gift I made for him that i carried around with me since January 6 because we never knew when we would be able to meet. I had this idea to send it to him with a note “this is yours, made on January 6th. There is no point for me to keep it anymore.” But I am not sure what kind of message it will send because I am not even able to guess the most probable reason of all this behavior. He is the nice guy type, who gives and asks for affection. He would just keep hugging and holding my hand when i am around. But would not realise he missed me until we meet again (he said that). He lives with his sister and is very close to her and to his parents who live in another city. Whenever he did something careless he knows but does not say it. Instead he would become a bit more talkative about details of what he is doing or something.. until I mention it, then once faced with it he apologises. We are 29 and 31 years old and have been together for 4 months, during which he said “I love you” mederately and only at the right moments.
In my personal life, I meet all sorts of people.  Some people are easy and fun to be around … I can spend hours with them, talking about things, laughing about things, and just genuinely enjoying their company. Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them. I would have just as much fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.”
According to research, the number one cause of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate. If your relationship was otherwise happy, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations before things explode in a big fight. Other issues can be harder to overcome, like infidelity or jealousy; but with work and counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.
I am dating a guy in a distance relationship for about three months, at the beggining we felt unbelievable connection soulmate like, he said he wants to marry and have children, he was caring and sweet (flowers, gifts, lots of time together). However I know he cheated on me at the very beginning of dating (I forgived him because that was very fresh relation).
You might want to consider personal coaching with me if you require a specific game plan on winning him back, otherwise, go through no contact as read and apply positive changes to your life while getting yourself to an emotional state where you're okay with whatever happens. The only way you win him back is by making those changes in your life and figuring out what went wrong in the relationship that made him feel that he couldn't be himself and the reason he might have lost the spark for you which further reinforced his decision. Also, no more pleading and begging for him back.
But now, he is pulling away. Slowly but surely. I’m so lost. I’m trying to give him space but I’m scared he will go away forever. I don’t want that so I’m keeping my shut but I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do. I love him dearly so much still (I have not expressed that as I’m conscious of the consequences of these things especially with an ex and what we went through).
When I brought up not dating anyone else, he said although he had not been he had been thinking about us and was confused about what he wanted. If he wanted to focus on his career only or settle down. We seemed to be on totally different pages, I was only looking to have the security of confirming we were only seeing each other and trying to understand how he felt about me. He assumed I was asking for a serious relationship and said that the honeymoon stage was over and we needed to think about the future. I was only thinking about the present and was still happy getting to know him but needed to know how he felt about me as I felt alone with my feelings that I was expressing with no reciprocation. In the end I told him to take some space and figure out what he wants because I couldn't continue to date someone that didn't know how they felt about me.
Get a guy to commit by being loved by everyone around him. Get on the good side of his parents and friends. This will give him a well needed nudge to make him realize that you are a keeper. Moreover, if they like you, they’ll always be positive around you and spread that positivity onto him as well. They too will give him that nudge. He will love you even more if he sees that the people he loves, are impressed by you. This is one of the greatest goals you need to achieve if you are trying to get him to commit to a relationship. A relationship is only fair and successful if both of your lives are intertwined and fit in like each piece of the puzzle. That’s why you need to take some time to get to know his family and friends, as this will lead you to get to know more about him, and we all know how relatives and friends love to reveal little tid bits from his bachelor life. And we love to hear those, don’t we?
Heres the thing, I had been an addict for the last 7 years, and I hid it from everyone, especially him. But it dominated my life and I know that it affected how his feelings developed. I wouldn't spend the night at his place bc i need to come home and get high. I would show up late to things bc I would be getting high until the very last second. Addicts don't care about anyone but themselves, and I never put in the effort to making him happy. He never knew how bad it was, and I don't think he even knows how it affected the relationship, but I do.

Take up extreme sports. Do that, and he may think he's losing you. The point here isn't so much that you risk your life but that you actually create more of a life outside his orbit. Canceling a date because you want to make him jealous is lame, but canceling a date because, hey, you've got your karate classes tonight and your flying lessons tomorrow, is sort of cool. Once there's something competing for your attention, he begins to wonder how much he really matters in your life scheme. All you're doing is filling up your time with cool stuff he might like to do, but you're not including him. He's got to wonder if you're drifting away, and in order to lay claim reasonably to more of your time, he'll have to be explicit about how much time he wants. In other words, he'll have to bring up The Talk. Risk factor: Low, with regard to losing him; high, when it comes to your own personal safety, especially if you choose a hobby known for producing fatalities. (Hint: No guy — no matter how great — is worth scaling Everest for.)
Advice from a male perspective anyone? I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space and he respects mine also. When he’s a weekend away with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we made had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roommate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text today apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?
Whatever you do, don’t shut your guy down or get defensive every time he has an opinion you don’t agree with. Being in a relationship means that you should both respect each other’s opinions and decisions. How can you ever expect your man to talk to you about his commitment issues when you cry, get upset or go defensive and angry when you or him bring the subject up.
Not feeling confident in a relationship can really do some damage: Low self-esteem is sometimes linked to low sex drive, which could make things less heated in the bedroom. Getting active, setting goals, and even smiling can improve self-confidence. But don’t forget that an unhealthy relationship can actually cause low-self esteem, so steer clear of someone who makes you feel less than great.
Relationships often end in a whirlwind of doubt and bitter accusation. You probably said a few things you didn't mean, and she fought back. Now that you've had a little bit of time to think about what's been lost, you know you want her back. If you put your heart and mind to it, you might be able to win her over all over again. Fixing whatever went wrong in the first place can be all it takes to prove that you've changed.

Your man may be withdrawing because he feels like you’re pressuring him to move the relationship along more quickly than he’s comfortable with. If this is the case, there’s a clear and obvious new boyfriend advice you need to take: back off. To stop a man from withdrawing because he’s feeling rushed, you have to let things calm down and create the opportunity for the relationship to develop at a pace that feels good for both of you.
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