We broke up so sudden. I said one thing he didn’t like and it was like a switch. He had flipped just like that. Then all of a sudden all these problems he’s been thinking about has came up. I’m still trying to understand them. I’m still trying to understand which reasonings he said are actually true and which aren’t. It’s been 4 days, ive texted him once. No reply. I havent tried again, and I refuse to. I would hate to push him away further.
I have been seeing a guy for just about a year. His job is giving him a lot of stress and he became much more distant. For a whole year, he never missed a good morning or night text. We never texted all day long as we are both busy but that one morning text we sent each other was just enough to let us both know we were thinking of one another. His stopped pretty abruptly. My initial reaction was to panic and I did in a way but didn’t let him see that. Last weekend he apologized for not texting me so much but to trust that he still loves me. I was a bit stumped because I never once verbalized anything about the non texting issue, so I wondered why he would say that. I asked him if he would prefer me not text him at all during the week ( which I never did anyway, only one morning text and maybe a “have a good afternoon”) and he said yes, unless it was important.
We’re all about empowered woman, but when you don’t let your man do even as much as change a lightbulb for you, it will make him feel inferior and not needed. Remember, his self-worth is directly connected to his ability to provide for you and protect you. Let him open doors for you, fix what needs to be fixed, pick you up late from the train station, etc. And if you make more money than him, still, let him pay for things. Being strong and independent is wonderful, but it doesn’t mean you can’t accept help or courtesies from other people.
Thank you so much for the advice. I ended up sending a text two days ago just to check on him (nothing emotional) but I know I shouldn't have. He then last night blocked me on Instagram and deleted most of our pics. I think that is a nice way of saying leave me the heck alone until I am ready. Just very shocked after 4 years. But I will hold strong. Hopefully things will work out for the best.
I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn't love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn't find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it's business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn't paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn't look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn't get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend. My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn't holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so ..
You are always going to come up with some reason why you have to contact him. You saw sneakers he would love on sale, you saw a meme he would find hilarious, it’s his birthday, it’s his dog’s birthday, you really want to update him on your crazy co-worker and the latest installment of her shenanigans, and on and on. But you must resist! Recognize what’s really happening, there is nothing urgent you need to tell him, you just want to talk to him because you miss him. But remember reaching out at this stage will not bring him back into your life.
Remember that communication is key to building healthy relationships, so ensure you figure out what each other wants before taking things further. This isn’t to say that you should turn up in a white dress, as if you’re auditioning for Frozen: The Musical (you know it’s happening), on the first date. However, as you’re getting to know someone and during the course of your relationship, you need to ask questions pertaining to your future and whether you want the same things in life?
You want to let your man know that he can keep his freedom and still be in a committed relationship. However freedom doesn’t mean he can meet other women, you just mean he can still enjoy going out with friends and doing the things he enjoys doing. Women tend to think of relationships as leading to big changes such as buying a new house and starting a new family.
Dark and mysterious or blithering babbler…find a middle ground that does not include talking about your ex, complaining about your health, going over chapter and verse about who you are, what you do and why. This applies to both disclosing your personal details and being mindful of the questions you ask your date. Remember, you’re both strangers and should be respectful of each other’s privacy.
It is easy to let go off certain aspects of yourself when you meet someone whom you consider to be the man of your dreams, but you shouldn’t. If you are trying to be someone you are not, you tend to become transparent to your partner. If you prefer reading a book at home instead of going to the football match, then you should not pretend to love Germany just because your guy is a football fan.
When you do talk, Mintz suggests using the sandwich technique: Give him a compliment, tell him your problem, then follow it up with another compliment. Example: "I really love having sex with you, and after we have sex I feel really close and connected. I know you really want to shower, but I really want to cuddle. Is there a compromise that will work for both of us?"
#1 You are too pushy. If you are coming on too strong and he is not in the same place in the relationship, he will likely start to withdraw. Guys don’t like feeling pressured into being with someone. Wanting to maintain control, if they feel as if you are moving too fast, trying to persuade them to take the relationship to a point they aren’t ready for, they will begin to pull back and try to create distance.
Lastly, until your guy finally comes to his senses and realizes that you’re the girl from him, don’t stop dating other men. Keep your options open even if you’re not particularly interested in these other guys. If you keep your social calendar full of dates with others, you will be less worried about what your guy is doing, and you won’t be so preoccupied with things moving from casual into a committed relationship.
But going through difficulties is what gets us in touch with who we are and what we’re made of. This sort of growth and self-discovery is invaluable. Breaking through that feeling of “I won’t be able to survive without him” and then discovering that you can will make you realize how strong you are, and as a result, will help build your self-esteem and give you that amazing “I can get through anything” feeling.
Regardless of who makes more, it’s important to value each other’s contributions to the relationship. This includes agreeing on how bills will be shared, how saving responsibilities will be allocated, and so on. In instances where there’s a significant difference in earnings between your income and that of your partner, it’s essential to ensure that they identify a purpose to their support e.g., he or she might accept responsibility for funding college savings, or family vacations.

I experienced this just recently with my man as he was really stressed out with work and started being distant. I backed off and did not call or text him. I started letting him do all the work and it only took about a week for him to miss me like crazy. He even said he didn’t know what had come over him but he couldn’t stop thinking about me all day. In that time, I started a new workout and got busy. He loved that and now he’s giving me all this attention again. Don’t be scared to give your man space ladies and do you. It’s healthy and helps you to take better care of you too.
Then you cry, and maybe even look up to the sky, maybe even pray and think, ‘Please… Just let me get back with my ex. I hope my ex is just making a mistake and he/she wasn’t thinking it through. I know we are perfect for each other. I want to just call my ex up and say “I love you”.’ Then you look at your phone every half an hour, check your messenger, facebook, instagram, twitter, and heck… email inbox, to see if your ex would want to talk to you, all ready to get back together.

You can’t rely on sex and sex alone to make your man commit. This also works the other way round, you can’t use sex as a weapon and tell your man that the sex will stop until he commits as this won’t work either. The key here is to build your emotional bond with him by enjoying doing other things together that doesn’t involve sex. This could be going out for dinners, hitting the gym together or travelling together.


So me and my ex were together two years ago (long distance) we broke up & (we have children together also) we spoke on getting back tougher but his job took him overseas for about a year so fast forward things were seeming like err been on the right track .. we spoke on vacations, plans & etc … than after a weekend together he says he really thought about it but he don’t think we will work out because we are two different people … he never said he wasn’t in love with me but that he is vegan i’m Not & that he wants to move to a different t state in a year or two & I want to wait 3-4 (don’t want to move with no job lined up) and that he wants someone who on the same page as him (we haven’t had in depth conversations since before he left & he doesn’t realize that I now want to move sooner than later… we have kids so I know the NC rule might be hard but they have their own phones and was just like if we need to speak I can do it through them or is that unfair … my friends say it seems like he is scared of breaking up again
So my ex and I were only together 2 months. I know it sounds like way too short of a time for me to feel this strongly, but it was honestly one of those "once in a lifetime" connections. We connected instantly and had a very intense and meaningful 2 months. Out of the blue, he told me that he realized he wasn't happy being in a relationship with me, that he had lost the spark, that we weren't as compatible as he thought. He said it wasn't my fault, I had always been great, he just had a gut feeling that it wasn't right.

Throughout the month of March, my other co-workers started to bring their friendship to my attention (which didn’t help my feeling of jealousy). It even went so far as our boss (and friend) pulling him into his office to tell him that it was not ok how much of his free time he was spending with this girl and how bad it looked. In my ex’s eyes, this just made it worse. It is like when you tell a kid not to eat a piece of candy, all they want to do is to then eat the piece of candy. Now, I am not the kind of girl to tell someone who they can and cannot be friends with. But when that person is a good looking single girl who follows you around like a puppy dog and showers you with attention. Yes, that is going to bother me. Especially when she does it in front of you. And yes, it is hard to hold the jealousy back sometimes. He could see that I was uncomfortable. But really, he shouldn’t have put me in the situations in the first place. And still, he made me feel as though it was my fault that I was having these feelings…
Sorry in advance for this being a bit long. My ex and I were together for about 3 months and we were both really happy during that time. Towards the end though she started stressing at the idea of committing to a relationship. I also was panicking because she has lots of guy friends and she was hanging out with one of them a lot more than normal(But now I know there was never anything between them). She started distancing herself and stopped talking to me and after a month of this I told her that she needs to tell me what's wrong because I couldn't go on in the relationship without any communication from her. She apologized and said that we should just be friends. For the next week I was openly sad, even with her around because we work together. Eventually I just started NC and went for 2 weeks. After that I tried talking again and after a week I realized that I still wasn't ready so I did NC for a month. She tried contacting me multiple times during this. After the month she texted and apologized for everything that had happened and she wanted things to go back to the way they were between us (she wanted us to be just friends but still talk to each other like we used to). I decided ok she misses me it's only a matter of time so we got really close for the next 2 months and really seemed like she was attracted to me again. Then I started to panic because I knew I would eventually have to ask her if she wanted to get back together. So I stopped talking because that's what happens when I stress. She noticed then asked what was wrong and I told her that I had feelings for her again and I understood that she probably didn't feel the same but I just had to let her know how I felt. She didn't respond much to that so I did another no contact for 2 months she only tried to contact me once. After the 2 months I apologized and since then we have been closer than the first NC but not as close as when we were together. She's been going hot and cold lately though. Like one day we'd be talking and is feel like wow this is just like the good old days I love her and others she's just giving one word responses and I'm left with a headache because I over think everything. What should I Do? Sorry this was so long and thanks for reading it.
Once you've faced your fear of being partnerless, then, and only then, can you know if you genuinely want your relationship back. "If you only miss your ex when you feel lonely, or when you compare your life to those of friends in relationships but not in moments when you feel happy and confident, it won't make for a very fulfilling relationship down the line," Dr. Bockarova says.
2. It forces your ex to face their decision. Awkwardly sticking around, trying to use blunt force emotion and fit pitching, even if you think you are “calmly discussing things,” only makes your ex want out of the relationship more AND doesn’t allow him/her to truly face the consequences of what they think they want. You simply put them on the defensive as they continue to have you present instead of absent.
Most of us know that men are visual: you are wired that way. My best relationship advice for you is not to be so distracted by looks that you ignore the “character” of your partner (or potential partner.) By character I mean whether the person is kind, considerate, compassionate and loving – and not just when he or she wants something! Is their communication gentle or harsh? How do they ask for what they want? Is it a request or is it a demand?
That's when it can be helpful for him to hear compliments both in and out of the bedroom. Mintz suggests starting outside the bedroom, when you can have what she calls a "kitchen table sex talk" — AKA a lower-stakes time to discuss things that are bothering you in the bedroom without having to be "in the moment" of, well, having sex. That's when your partner can talk about what pressures he's feeling, or what he's self-conscious about. Then, you can boost his confidence.
1. It stops the damage. If you respond with calm and poise when your ex breaks up with you, you let the relationship stand on its own instead of giving the response to the break up a featured status. And your odds of an ex coming back to you with the relationship itself being what is judged is much higher than the final experience with you being your fit.
It’s normal to feel pressure as you watch your friends get married and have children, but remember that every person’s path is different. “You don’t want to settle down with a guy who’s not right for you. Therefore, release the pressure you place on yourself to lock down your next date as your future husband. Take each date one date at a time and have fun,” says Mills.

Remember, the no contact rule isn’t about him, it’s about you. You’re not cutting off contact to try to spite him, you’re giving yourself time and space to heal from the breakup. That is the goal. The byproduct is that he will most likely miss you during this time and yearn for you and while he’s doing that, you’re becoming a better and stronger version of yourself!

Women love being surprised. When a man goes out of his way to surprise his partner, he sends a message:  I care about you. You are important to me so I want to think of ways to make you happy.  You are worth the effort.  He gives his significant other a reason to look at him with admiration and he enables her to brag to her girlfriends about how lucky she is to have such an amazing and thoughtful guy (and if she is active on social media, no doubt there will be some accolades there as well!).


If you feel that he is unable to give you the attention you need, perhaps it would be better to focus on moving on as he may not be right for you. However, if this is a temporary phase and you think that it would get better, then maybe giving both parties a break right now by doing no contact would be good since it allows for some breathing room and for him to focus on what he needs to do right now, while you figure out whether his lack of attention towards you is something you're able to accept.

My boyfriend and I had been living together for almost six months although we’ve been dating for close to 3 years. At first it was the perfect moments of our lives but along the way we started having pointless arguments and naughty attitudes toward each other. I couldn’t stand him and he always said it was because he loved me more. So he got another apartment and stopped staying with me. Now I miss him more than I ever have. We stopped fighting and eventually he invited me over for the weekend because he was dying to see me. After leaving, I missed him more and couldn’t do anything without him. He cried that he misses me more but I don’t think he does else he would have moved back in. Please any help making him miss me more than I miss him?
I met this guy just 2 weeks ago and he was my dream come through….He is everything I needed In a man,he calls 5:30am everyday for the first week,and changed after we both had sex after our second date,now I will call him to tell him he has changed he keeps on saying he is busy…..Although he is the busy type ,but am just a little bit confused,was it the sex we had that got him pulled away, or his he really busy?each time I call him he will tell me he is going through some hard times now that we will talk wen things gets settled?should I stop calling him or still continue to call him?
You can’t rely on sex and sex alone to make your man commit. This also works the other way round, you can’t use sex as a weapon and tell your man that the sex will stop until he commits as this won’t work either. The key here is to build your emotional bond with him by enjoying doing other things together that doesn’t involve sex. This could be going out for dinners, hitting the gym together or travelling together.
#8 You are at different stages of the relationship. There are varying levels of a relationship, and if you are on stage 10, but he is still stuck at stage 3, he may be pulling back because he just isn’t ready or capable of being where you are. There are all different reasons why people aren’t willing to commit. If he’s not and he senses that you are, he is going to try to pull away and find some space.
Hello! So my ex boyfriend broke up with me officially 16 days ago. We're both 27, by the way. 10 days prior he told me that he needed time alone and that he was not in a good place. I was supposed to meet him that day (we live in different cities, but only one hour apart), and I asked if I could still come, or if he never wanted to see me again. He said that he never said that, but he would prefer not to see me for at least a few days. I texted him two days later saying that I understand and he should take his time and he responded with thank you xx. I did not reach out for 10 days and then I texted him asking him to tell me what was on his mind. He replied instantly and said that it's not my fault and that he feels he can not be in a relationship right now. I asked for an explanation and to tell me what was going on in his life, he said he didn't want to talk in detail, it was about the way he felt in general, work, the kid (he has an 8 year old son) and that I never did anything wrong. He apologised and I said take care. I never texted him, we met on tinder and had been dating for 5 months. I met his entire family, his close friends and he met mine. My birthday was two weeks before the break and he brought me a heart necklace with diamonds on it (it took him a while to find a present he liked), I know he has feelings for me, he said so himself, but I am so confused. A part of me says he will be back, another one feels he will not, I just don't know. Should I add his best friend's girlfriend on Facebook? She did tell me her Facebook, but then this happened and I did nothing. I know his friends and family like me. We were good together but the last time he was a bit distant.
It would be a good idea to fact find a bit more about her current situation (from mutual friends, etc), such as whether she may be seeing anyone, if she's going through a rough time, or anything that may be a reason for her hot/cold attitude towards you. There's also a chance that she is facing internal conflict between meeting you and getting reminded of both good and bad times from the past.
I’m going through this exact thing. It’s heartbreaking. I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now. He told me a while ago that he had fallen for me. I told him I felt the same. The last few weeks have been really hard. With either really short texts or no reply at all. He’s been busy with work. I know this is true. I get that he can’t answer every text straight away. I also understand he has a life of his own. We’ve barely said about 5 sentences to each other over the last few days. It’s taken a lot for me to start this relationship. After being single for about 11 years. I don’t want to end up in the exact same place as I was a few months ago.

When a man pulls away, try not to take it personally. Believe me, I know this is way easier said than done. Everything is going great, you start to think this guy could be the one and then boom, he disappears for what seems to be no apparent reason. If you can relate to this, it probably isn’t your fault. Although it’s impossible to give an exact reason why he pulled away, most of the time it’s his own personal issue’s. If it’s really bugging you, there’s an amazing guide by Slade Shaw. He shows you why men lose interest… Read more »
For example, imagine being excited about an upcoming girl’s weekend away. Your man spends the week before the trip telling you not to talk to guys, to be careful about where you go at night and to make sure you ring him twice a day. Then, he does some research and decides the city you’re visiting is dangerous, the traffic sucks and a massive storm might hit.
However, my ex boyfriend is not currently at the table with me on this one since we are broken up. (He is not ignoring me or saying we will never be together again, but is making it very clear that our relationship is over.) I have been very clingy in the past and 'convinced him' to stay with me when there were problems. I think he is worried I will keep doing that so he keeps telling me that it is definitely over.
I’m sure that you’ve heard the saying the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence quite a few times before. It is very very relevant to love and relationships as well. After being with someone for a long time it is easy to be tempted by something new or to get bored! Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you can easily find someone better!

You might want to consider personal coaching with me if you require a specific game plan on winning him back, otherwise, go through no contact as read and apply positive changes to your life while getting yourself to an emotional state where you're okay with whatever happens. The only way you win him back is by making those changes in your life and figuring out what went wrong in the relationship that made him feel that he couldn't be himself and the reason he might have lost the spark for you which further reinforced his decision. Also, no more pleading and begging for him back.

Men tend to like women who are independent and confident. They prefer the relationship to be interdependent. Interdependence requires both of you to be dependent as well as independent. This means that you create a dedicated space for your friends, work, and passion. You should not lose grip of things that are vital to you. Keep doing what you were doing before you began dating him.
Well my boyfriend who I've dated for 4 months this told me he just doesn't feel the same way how I feel. We talked about it before and this is our second breakup. What confuses me is how he says he still cares about me and hates seeing me broken like this. And in my heart I love him even with this, and I've read your article that I shouldn't try to pl ish for something because it'll just push him away more and I dont want that. Is there any way or possibility that we will be together again? I've seen this before with one of my friends and her and her ex got bsck together again and he wont let her go ever again. I ha e this thought in my head that it'll happen to me where he'll come back and we'll have a stronger relationship and be together. I'm in the grief stage now and everything just hurts. Is there any way that I'll know he will know that this was a good decision he made between us? He messages me still a day after the break up and he says he feels horrible for putting me through this pain again. I just want to know what to do next for him to take me back.
First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”
My partner and I have been together a little over two years but recently broke up (he broke up with me) and I want to follow all these rules, as I believe I am strong enough to do it and I absolutely want him back however we do currently live together and study at the same school. I’m living in a new town and don’t have any family or friends here so providing space is hard. What do I do???
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