Unfortunately Thomas, you don't seem like you're in the right place emotionally and mentally yet to be trying to win her back at this point. She still has a foothold over your emotions right now and until you're able to free yourself from it, you'll never win her back the right way. As much as it may suck to see her with someone else right now, it's something you have to accept and understand that there isn't much you can do about it, until you are able to free your emotions up and not let what she does affect you. Otherwise, you'll end up getting frustrated at times and behaving either out of jealousy or insecurities which pushes her further away and causes her to lose respect for you as a man, and potentially even seek out other guys in the process.
It’s essential to get to know yourself in every possible way – not just to be a successful single looking to move into a committed relationship, but to be a successful, unique individual mastering the art of being a very cool human being.  Excelling in your career, building a legacy, and developing intimate relationships with someone else will always be challenging if you don’t first have a solid knowledge of who you are.
We’ve come full circle; at this point I can also tell you that if you’ve done everything possible to get back with your ex, if you’ve followed our advice diligently, if you’ve worked with a relationship expert and the one you love still isn’t willing to make any compromises or sacrifices to also accommodate you and to make things work; then perhaps you should consider moving on and research how to get over a breakup because he or she probably wasn’t right for you.
I really love him. I just want to hear from him. Some of the reasonings we broke up include he felt unappreciated, he wasn’t “getting” happy, he’s bored with the relationship because all we do is sit around, which I immediately told him that’s not fair and I always try to get him to do things and said I know. But a few more reasons he’s told me, he wants to be around someone positive, and I’ll admit I haven’t been in the best shape lately. I lost my job, I’ve been going through family issues, and friend issues. I always am first to tell him everything. I can understand why this is what could push him away. He is a very easy go free kind of guy. He also told me “I’m not what he wants in a girlfriend” of course all these words hurt. I think about everything he’s said and it hurts. Do I believe them? Slightly.

Under the normal circumstances, one month would be the advisable time to wait before contacting your ex again. I would suggest trying for the same period and using this time to focus on loving yourself right now, especially with the pregnancy on its way. However, given the current circumstances and if one month is too long, at least wait 2-3 weeks to see if he comes around eventually.
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago, because of a text I sent him AND he broke up with me over the phone. We have broken up maybe ten times already this year and I am honestly so drained. He is extremely controlling, jealous, possessive, obsessive and verbally and mentally abusive. But HE broke up with me after I put up with all those horrible traits he has. But for some reason, this break up hit me real hard. HEs not the same guy I met in the beginning and I’m starting to think THIS is really who he is. He said he won’t change and that there is nothing wrong with him and that this is all my fault. I have become obsessive like him and I’m feeling so lonely and sad, over someone who once even called me a whore because he has zero trust in me, and I have always been honest and loyal to him. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to get out of the house and do things that I like but I’m feeling a little depressed over it. I don’t know he still has this much power over me. I even called him crying and screaming telling him I’m having a hard time over this break up and I think he’s getting a kick out of it. I feel like he stole my mojo cuz I used to be so tough in the beginning. Now .... I lost my female balls and I feel like I will never find someone again who will love me like he did. But why would I want someone to love me the way he did when clearly it was a toxic love. Any advice on how I can get myself back? I’m more concerned about getting my balls back rather then him. I apologize for the language but this is the best way I can’t describe what I feel. He controlled me so much that even without him I still feel like I’m under his control. Any advice please?!
#4 He is attracted to someone else. If nothing happened and he is suddenly pulling away, then it may be that he is attracted to someone else. If he is thinking about being with another woman, he may be trying to find a way out of the relationship. If you notice that his habits are changing, he is no longer interested in sex, or if he becomes more secretive and rarely spends time with you, then he may have found someone else.
He definitely isn’t going to miss you if you’re just going to be negative and annoying every single time that you’re with him. If you really want to make him miss you, it’s important for you to be showing him a good time every moment that you’re together. Make him laugh as much as possible. Bring smiles to his face. Make his life a lot easier by doing stuff and running errands for him. The moment that you disappear from his life – even for just a minute – he’s really going to feel that void that you’ve left behind.
My first boyfriend actually hated himself and was suicidal, and no matter what I did to support him and how much I loved him, I couldn’t actually make him love himself. And to be honest it ended up affecting me too and with other life circumstances (friendsh*ts, bad relationship with my mom at the time) I got so depressed myself that I also had suicidal thoughts. It was horrible. And it`s been some time and things have changed for me, but I just wanted to say I`ve both seen and learned myself the importance of self love and being committed to ourselves!
If you do happen to hear through the grapevine that your ex is seeing someone new, try not to jump to conclusions or let jealousy set in. By no means should you do anything to try to thwart a new relationship. Let your ex have some time to find out if you are really the one; you don't want to force a person to be with you who really wants to be with someone else.
It's believed that men are so consumed by libido that they have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But that couldn't be further from the truth. "[There are] plenty of men who feel very self-conscious about their weight, or parts of their body, and really are affected by this in the bedroom," says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex and Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters. Many are impacted by performance anxiety too, asking themselves questions like, "Will I be able to get an erection?," "Have I gained too much weight?" and, "Will I be able to please her?"
(40 year old male/35 year old girlfriend/six year relationship that had two previous breaks) I broke up with my ex girlfriend in April. We lived together a year but fought often over our differences. She’s messy, I am clean. She pushed aggressively for marriage but I wanted to work through some of our problems first. She moved out but we remained in contact because I babysit her 4 year old. In September I made it known I still love her and wanted to try again. But because of the fights and because I was pretty mean to her towards the end she was not interested and moved on. She’s now with a new boyfriend (shoe she says she gets along better with) and possibly living with him. I got therapy and fixed things with myself but made the mistake of coming off as desperate. I sent a couple lengthy emails expressing how much I value her and how things would be different and a good amount of texts. I have since backed off. What do you think is the best course of action considering we broke up on such bad terms? She’s super negative about how she remembers things but when I asked if she would ever consider giving us a chance if things didn’t work out she said she would. What are your thoughts
Getting dumped sucks and when your boyfriend decides he doesn’t want you anymore it just tears you apart from the inside out. I feel for you but don’t worry because we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex boyfriend gave you for why he chose to break up is really why he decided to let you go. This may sound a bit mean, but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.
Probably give it another 2-3 weeks to even a month if you have to, considering that its been some time since the break up but she still doesn't seem ready. You could send the elephant in the room letter after this NC, and if she does not respond positively towards you still, you might seriously want to consider letting go instead, because she may simply not be interested anymore.

There's always a chance to win her back, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Spend this time focusing on yourself and improving aspects of your life that can be worked on, essentially, become an improved version of yourself. Regaining her trust is definitely no easy task, but as long as you are consistent in your effort and the relationship she shared with you was a meaningful one, there's always a possibility where she comes around.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.
Dating should be fun and nothing more than a way to meet and get to know another person, who may or may not be fit to share your life with you. “[Dating] is not a commitment. There is no obligation involved with dating. No one owes anyone anything ever,” says Freed. It’s easy to get excited about someone and start planning your future together, but remember that you’re both just figuring out if you even like each other first. Don’t put pressure on things by feeling like you owe each other something, you don’t.
Of course, it's also possible that there’s anger, resentment, or deeper issues going on. If that's the case, Mintz says you shouldn't be using sex as a weapon — that's only going to cause more harm in the relationship — and should instead be honest about how you're feeling. If you're not comfortable bringing it up on your own (or discussing it when your partner does), she suggests seeing a therapist, who can help the two of you navigate the issue in a healthy way.

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One additional thought. You might want to check out my post on infusing your interactions with positivity. It's not just moths that are drawn to light. See http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201207/10-ways-radiate-positivity-and-be-attractive. Maximize the positives in your interactions, delete the negatives like criticism or irritated emotions, and the odds will be likely to shift in your favor.
More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:
Hello! So I've given her (and myself) a bit short of a month of space/no contact after a dreadful first week of the "desperation phase" as I call it. And now, I've tried messaging her again and thankfully she still replies. But I think my mistake is that I brought up what went wrong (it was never perfectly clear why we broke up) after a few days of casual conversation (in which she talks coldly towards me, btw). She also clearly stated she doesn't like talking to me anymore AND she hates me now. What do I do?
6 months on, he started cheating on me and i found out. he decided to dump me for the new guy. this guy also lived in a different city about 2 hours away, he seems to like to get attached to guys from outside of his city. initially i tried to salvage the relationship but i later decided to move on and we had no contact for about 4-5 months until it was his birthday and i wished him happy bday. 2-3 months after his birthday he broke up with that guy. through a mutual friend, he contacted me and we started contacting each other again.
I was in a fwb relationship with a man that I’m compatible with. But his ex wife and ex gf of 14 years both cheated on him. He never wants to date or have a relationship again. He says he’s un loveable too. It breaks my heart because I’m very much in love with him. He brok up with me 2 years ago because he knew I was in love with him without saying. We hadn’t talked again til last week. We had wonderful exciting sex. He said he hadn’t been with anyone in a long time.
Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texting is the communication highway for today’s couples. You and your boyfriend probably texted each other all the time and rarely shared them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.
Forget all those relationship expert columns that tell you it’s most important to your man that he first see what’s in your heart. Bull****. It’s most important to see what’s inside your clothes. Now, before you scream, “Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig!” listen carefully. I’m not saying that we need to get into your pants right away in order to enjoy your company. But I am saying that men definitely need to know that you have the goods and that you take care of yourself. To put it bluntly, a guy’s first interest in a woman has nothing to do with the handbag she’s carrying or that she graduated from an Ivy League school. What your (potential) man wants you to know but won’t tell you is that his initial attraction is all about your appearance and physical being, which sends a flood of highly charged testosterone racing through his veins. Yes, the physical is first, and we’re not saying we won’t eventually fall in love with your intelligence, kindness, and humor. These extremely important attributes are the ones that will ultimately be critical in helping you hook us. But in the beginning the number-one attribute is what you look like and how well you take care of yourself.

I know this is hard and I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have dated a man that is emotionally unavailable and is following the same pattern that he had in his life. You mentioned his father never married his mother so this is an issue that he has to overcome himself. This is his past playing into his life now. You have to make yourself less available to him and understand that you deserve more than this. I would encourage you to book a session with me or a male coach on my team so we can help you during this time. You can reach out to me on my contact page. If so please state you messaged me on my blog so I can remember. We are here if you need further guidance.
Ask him if he's ever been to Guam. Or New Mexico. Or Phoenix. "I hear they have giant lizards there," you might say, toying with your pasta. "I'd like to live where there are giant lizards." By contemplating a big move — to another city, country, or hell, another apartment (and out of your shared bedroom) — you show him you're antsy with the current setup. "We were talking about my job, and I told him I wasn't seeing a future here. He suggested sending resumes around town," says Jenna McCoy, 28, an accountant for a Philadelphia law firm. "He didn't get the hint. So I told him I needed to make a larger change, like maybe to another city, because I was stagnating. The first thing out of his mouth was 'Is it me?'"

Create space between you and him. A guy can’t miss you if you’re always right there for him. A great way to get him to miss you is to create space between the two of you. If you spend every minute of the weekend with him, start carving out time to spend away from him. Spend a Friday night at home alone or with friends instead of hanging out with your man. At first he will probably like the time alone, but if you begin to do this regularly, he’ll start missing you in his arms.

Guys don’t know exactly what it is, but suddenly their instincts are telling them to get away. This usually occurs at the point where the woman could no longer keep the act up. Maybe she’s trying to appear cool and go-with-the-flow, but in her mind she’s already thinking of ways to turn a relationship that’s really nothing at this point into something. From that point forward, it’s not easygoing and natural, it’s her measuring if she is getting closer or further from her goal.
Hi there. My boyfriend of two and a half years just broke up with me a week ago. He currently just left for college and since I'm one year younger I'm still home. We had been planning to stay together throughout college and there have been many talks about our goals for the future. We never fought, but always communicated. We were a real pure relationship and everyone around us could see we were meant to be. All the sudden he gets drunk at a party one night and breaks up with me over a phone call. I know your probably thinking it's because we wants his freedom in college and doesnt want to be tied down, but he isn't that kind of guy. He specifically told me that he has been depressed this pass week and doesn't think that his life will be happier or better without me, but he "has to do this." My bestfriend also told me he told her he won't fall in love again until he's 25. The reason why he claims to be doing this is because long distance is too hard for him if we dont have a future together. But, he has always seen a future and admitted that he is pushing me away right now. My bestfriend (who is also his best friend) thinks that he thinks he is saving me from eventual heartbreak in the future. I don't know how to get him to realize he's not thinking clearly, especially because he only thought about breaking up with me one day before he actually did it and said "he couldn't do it unless he was drunk." He also told me he loved me 45 minutes before he broke up with me and said how he couldn't wait for me to visit and how all his friends were going to love me. So honestly I think he is just getting scared about the future because he tends to do that. He has texted me to make sure I was okay and still wants to be in my life. How do I make him realize I'm the one again because up until the day he broke up with me he believed it? I dont know what to do.
6 months on, he started cheating on me and i found out. he decided to dump me for the new guy. this guy also lived in a different city about 2 hours away, he seems to like to get attached to guys from outside of his city. initially i tried to salvage the relationship but i later decided to move on and we had no contact for about 4-5 months until it was his birthday and i wished him happy bday. 2-3 months after his birthday he broke up with that guy. through a mutual friend, he contacted me and we started contacting each other again.
This guy I went on a few dates with recently told me that I was a cool person but he thought that we weren’t compatible in the long run. He still talks to me through texting often. After he told me, I didn’t react and simply said “oh OK”.Then he asked me if I was pissed off or upset about it. I simply replied that I was fine and he told me I was cooler than he thought.
The problem with making yourself too "available" when he's playing hot and pretending not to notice when he's playing cold is, you've made it clear you're going to be sticking around no matter what. Unfortunately, this means he feels confident continuing this behavior because he knows there won't be any consequences. You will be there when he wants, and he can ignore you when he doesn't.

Português: Fazer Ele Sentir Sua Falta, Español: hacer que él te extrañe, Italiano: Fargli Sentire la Tua Mancanza, Deutsch: Wie ich ihn dazu bekomme mich zu vermissen, Français: faire pour que vous lui manquiez, Русский: заставить его скучать по тебе, 中文: 让他想念你, Bahasa Indonesia: Membuat Dia Merindukan Anda, Nederlands: Ervoor zorgen dat hij je gaat missen, Čeština: Jak zařídit, aby vás postrádal, ไทย: ทำให้เขาคิดถึงคุณ, Tiếng Việt: Khiến chàng nhớ bạn, العربية: جعل الشاب يشتاق إليك, 日本語: 彼氏の気を引く, 한국어: 그가 당신을 그리워하게 만드는 방법, हिन्दी: उसे अपनी याद दिलाएँ

Real trust is hard won and easily lost. Trust can be whittled away little by little with small transgressions, as in failure to keep promises with no acknowledgment or apology, only excuses; or all at once as in an affair. When trust is gone a relationship begins to die. People end up just going through the motions of being in relationship. Love and connection withers. Emotional connection dries up. Communication suffers, becoming stilted and mechanical, concerned mostly with the logistics of life. Eye contact becomes fleeting and uncomfortable.

I'm not saying that men are right in pulling away, they also need to acknowledge the part they play in bringing out the worst side of a woman's fears. But just for your sake, for the sake of your mental and emotional health, just let go… anyway this is not the time to be having "talks" about the relationship because he'll most likely be unable (or unwilling) to have such deep convos during such a time.
Commit to having a better relationship. If your ex-boyfriend takes you back, you both need to take steps to make sure that the same problems that caused your last breakup will not interfere with your relationship again. Talk to each other about what kinds of conflicts you have had in the past and how you could deal with them more appropriately going forward.[9]
Avoid forcing yourself to believe that he is nice guy and hasn’t done anything wrong, which is why you should continue being with him. This is like convincing yourself of something that probably isn’t right. The bottom line is that you need to be in a relationship where you feel happy and respected. You should feel good without him, but even better when you are with him.
Does he seem like he has one foot out the door? Like he’s not fully invested? When you bring up the topic of where things are going, does he avoid the question or say he’s not ready to talk about it? This can feel like he’s pulling away, but think about it: maybe he’s not pulling away. Maybe he’s standing still and you’re pushing. It might feel the same to you, but there’s a difference.

Do you have negative thoughts about your relationship? Do you keep feeling that your partner is going to desert you? Researchers have noticed that unhappy couples tend to focus more on the negative aspects of their relationships. If you find yourself a victim of this kind of feeling for certain actions of your partner, then the next time you have such thoughts, try to rationalize it with some neutral explanation for the action.
Deal lauren. I am a fan of mars and venus books and i have all the collection. I also recommended the books to my friends. But i still need your advice , my bf broke up with me 4 months ago. he felt overwhelmed, asked space and said he has nothing to say other than he needs to be alone. Since than i tried everything includinf suggesting to be friends and told him im over the break up and want my friend back. We work together, we were close friends for 6 months and we dated for 4 months. So after the friendship speech, he panicked and ended the conversation by saying lets keep it simple and move on. So i decided to start a true limited contact ( since i hv to work with him daily), since than he called once for work purpose (i think) but didnt answer him, he asked once how i was doing ( i replied im gd only) he tried a few jokes, and we met at a friends wedding so he invited me to dance with our other friends but i declined. I am commited to NC. He also invited me for a coffee at the work coffee shop and touched my hand once. My reactions were simple and didnt show attention or neediness. Than suddenly he went distant again and start ignoring me all over again. Im completly lost. I thought he starts to get closer!!!Please advice. Thank you ...

It's been a week since me and my ex girlfriend broke up. We had time issues. We used to call/text and all of the sudden, she rarely reply my texts and chats. If ever I receive reply from her, it's just a single reply and I felt that she's cold. She said she's busy and tired. We argued because I said that that I want her time as well. I asked time because I miss her. Then she broke up with me. Her reason is I don't give her time to spend with her friends and she's tired of me for not trusting her.

Trust in your instinct. If something doesn't feel right, try not to force it. If you text or call him and he doesn't return your message, then resist the urge to contact him again. I know it can be very frustrating when this happens, but never see it as a reflection of who you are. It just means this person has not seen the true value in you and you deserve far better than that. We all do.
The penis gets all the press, but men have many erogenous zones, just like women, says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. They just don't tell you to move your hands elsewhere because they're afraid that if they do, women will shut down and not touch them at all, she explains. "But there are many places a woman should touch, like the chest, inner thighs, and face," Schaefer adds. Another key move: Gently gripping a man's testicles, as it can be a real turn-on that blends control with release. You can also stimulate the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, which heightens pleasure during oral sex.
Hi this is Desireen again … So im about to finish my No contact period but he hasn’t attempt to contact me. And I heard she’s escorting another girl.. how can I approach him?? I’m really not sure if I can approach him since I feel so shy after all the things that happened And what if the two of them end up together? Should I still reach out for him or should I wait again??.. Im really nervous that I may not get him back
Hey Ryan, thanks for your answer before, just to let you know I failed to reach the 30 days no contact.. We spoke and we fight again.. This time it was even worst.. I cheated on her on a one time thing (Worst mistake of my life I swear) she knows and I decided to come clean to her, thing is for me lying to her she says it is too late for us to get together again or to trust each other again.. I show her the journal I was writing on her name with everything I'm feeling.. She understood a bit better but the bottom line is that she doesn't want anything to do with me again.. Fact is, I would do whatever it takes for a chance with her, I love her and I was really idiot to to what I did, I owned it and I admitted, Apologized to her 100x times, yet I completely understand where she is coming from and why she doesn't want anything to do with me..
Rules like ‘wait 3 days to call back’ no longer apply. “If you treat dating and love like a game, someone—or both of you—will end up the loser,” says host of, The Rendezvous with Simon and Kim on iHeart Radio, Simon Marcel Badinter. “If you want to, call back in the next 24 hours. It has to be honest and spontaneous if you want to be respected and start a healthy relationship.”
Rather than get yourself upset because your boyfriend or potential love interest hasn’t told you he misses you, take some time to think. If we take ourselves out of situations and think about what really matters, you’ll soon realize that he does miss you. Guys often don’t speak their feelings but show them through actions, perhaps he hasn’t told you he misses you lately but in fact, he does. Knowing how strong your relationship and bond is will make you realize you two are good together and that it was stupid to ever think he wouldn’t miss you.
I had a guy start chatting with me from a dating site for a few day, but we never talk on the phone. The last day we chatted he didn’t talk as much as the other days. My issue with men is they just want to talk about sex and I refuse because if that is all they want, then that is all it is, in my opinion. So the last day we were not able to meet in the afternoon per his request which I don’t normally do and he mentions maybe tomorrow which was Friday. He was usually first to send a text but I hadn’t heard from him and sent a late morning text. Good morning, how are you? No response Friday or Saturday and then later on Sunday he texted me, which, I ignored the texts he sent. Then two days later he sends another text like 3 of them. Stating, I guess you don’t want to talk to me but none of his texts explain why he disappear or tried in any way explaining is absentance. So many men are married on these sites, or just looking for sex, and so many are talking to several women at the same time. My problem was he wasn’t available on Friday or Saturday a common date night and he totally disrespected me, I felt. I have never had a guy to do that to me. I also am quite frustrated with men as it is. I’m older and old fashion and believe a man should respect a women. Was I wrong to call him out on this?
“She noticed that I have been taking steps to improve myself. She said that she wants to get back together but is not sure if we will repeat the same mistakes. She felt that she was also responsible for the bad arguments and she wants to improve herself as well. We are planning to meet up and discuss it soon. Maybe we will go for couples counseling.” – Terry

What does it mean when….. I said I want things over as I don’t think he’s in right place for a relationship (and he agreed) and I explained I wasn’t happy that things weren’t progressing, not enough respect etc…..he came back asking if I’d met someone and if I change my mind to talk to him again; I replied that I am opening myself up to dating again as there’s no real commitment with us; and that I think things would need to be different for me to explore more with him (as I don’t want casual or to be a texting buddy)….he then said in a midnight text ‘me too, about your honesty’ (which confuses me?) and I haven’t heard from him for over a week…and then not long after he accepted my long outstanding Facebook friend request (with friends/photos not accessible)……I don’t know what to read from that? And I’ve not contacted further.


As he saw the impact of his new listening skills Peter all the more conscientiously dug into learning all he could from his relationship skills book, workbook and online program.  He realized that prior to the relationship breakup he had had no idea of what a high-skilled activity sustaining a loving partnership was.  Now that he understood the potency of collaborative dialogue, conflict resolution and emotional self-regulation skills he studied intensely every night as if he was preparing for exams.

You may have felt like you were in the honeymoon stage, but different people come out of it after different time periods, so he may have no longer been in that phase already. Some guys can be like this (especially if they haven't many relationships before), where they think too logically and realistically, and aren't able to actually put themselves into an emotional sense of understanding their female partners better. You might honestly want to consider moving on and dating someone else, because he has seemed to disconnected himself from you already, and may have even moved on the moment he broke up with you.
I know there’s nothing wrong with anyone watching a little porn. However, if you are having a hard time getting aroused by the real woman who’s sleeping next to you in bed and you’re easily turned on by some anonymous woman on your computer screen, then you need to consider that porn might be creating more problems than you think. Studies have shown that dopamine is a key factor in reward-driven learning and that certain addictive drugs—cocaine, amphetamine, and methamphetamine—directly affect the dopamine system. When someone is sexually aroused, the same seven areas of the brain are activated as when doing these drugs.

It is also important that we spend some time talking about how to establish contact with your ex the right way. You cannot force the issue when reaching out to your ex; it needs to feel natural to the both of you in order to avoid any awkwardness. You can do it in person, over the phone, by text or social media; but no matter what, it shouldn’t feel forced.
Ok so I don’t know how to start. My boyfriend and I had a 5 year age gap. And I recently just had him end a relationship of 1 year and like 9 months. We met on Facebook through a mutual friend and talked for a couple weeks in the beginning of Dec. 2016 until his birthday in January of 2017. Three days after his birthday party he invited me back over to hangout with him and the female mutual friend (who I met through work, she was like his older sister, she told me. And his neighbor) Anyway it was just me and him hanging out for a few hours and by the end of the night he romantically asked me to be his girlfriend, because we talked for weeks before meeting and he wanted to exclusively see me and date. I said yes. Fast forward maybe a month or a couple months and things were going great. We hungout on weekends, he came into my work to see me right after he got out from work almost every other day. It was very sweet. We went to movies, we went to his friends & his parents and were doing all kinds of stuff. People I knew from work would come to his house and hangout, watch movies, play games etc. Then I finally confessed to my parents that I was staying at his house (basically living there, I stayed 3 or more nights with him.) Everythjng was exciting and fun & sweet. Fast forward a week maybe and he asked me to move in. I said yes and told my parents my decision. I’m a cluttery/messy person.. and he’s OCD. Anyway after we were together over a year he said that maybe we should break up. He said he loved me very much but the house was always a mess (and I was working a ton of late nights as a pharmacy tech & always studying so I was tired. ) He told me the house being dirty was depressing and things with our relationship weren’t as exciting as the beginning. I managed to ask him to give me another try, I promised to keep the house clean & to do more activities with him. For a few months things were great, we went to his friends almost every weekend. We enjoyed activities with his & my parents. And we still hungout with our mutual friend (his neighbor).i ended up quitting my job and we went to Florida for 2weeks. We stayed with his family along the way and I met everyone. That was this past april. Things were great. We even recently went to Wisconsin together for a family wedding. Then tragedy hit over 10 days ago. His parents had moved down south before April, and I knew he missed them a lot. He rarely spoke compared to his every day phone calls with them. They were always busy now. So he invited one of his best friends to stay for a week with us to kinda pick himself back up I guess. It created tensions between us. We went to get him downstate for the weekend and I don’t like doing things outdoors/active.. idk why. Anyway ever since then he stopped holding my hand & kissing me goodbye before work. He even stopped kissing me when he got home from work, he withdrew from me almost completely, and I’ve always been clingy. But I was coming up on 7 months with no work and money was tight so I blamed it on that. Long story short he broke up with me 10 days ago. He said we are two different people and he needs an active and clean/neat partner. And I need someone to motivate and wake me up when repetition happens because I can deal with the same thing everyday. But not him. So for the past 7 months I’ve been trying to sell soaps. And he hasn’t been exactly supportive. He doesn’t talk about it. We would fight because he wouldn’t say anything positive he just would say oh cool. But he wasn’t negative or thought it was stupid either, I got his mom into the hobby. I miss him now. I don’t know if he will ever comeback. I’m desparate.. I was with him for almost 2 years, so many memories, i moved in with him and left my family & friends behind. They lived 30 minutes from where we lived. Nobody ever visited because of distance. I was ready to marry him, and at one point he did too. But the day we broke up he said something was missing in his life and he needed time alone. I have so much I could say, but this is already too long. And I recently made an okcupid account and found he had reactivsted his old one. I am so depressed that he’s moving on already. He didn’t want to give me anymore chances to change and he didn’t want to fix things.. But he swore up and down he’s always supported and loved me. He said he still loves me but we don’t work. Somebody please reply, I’m losing my best friend and the man I love. I know couples can change & grow together in relationships, I just feel because he’s depressed and isolated from everybody hat he’s pushing me away too.. I can do but leave him alone because he doesn’t like to message me anymore. I had a new phone he persuaded me to get with him when he wanted one too, everything was contract & in his name. It was a hassle to get it switched back to me & make payments w/o a job. Same with my car insurance. We were looking at houses and everything. It was like overnight he changed..

Since 3 weeks I didn't hear from him. Our mutual friends started to complain about his behavior, his sister also told me she's tired of him. And one of his best friends started to vent to me because he was crazy about his behavior. He told me yesterday that my ex was very angry with me because I still want him back while I'm just trying to move on with my life and have no contact with him.
Without literally telling him verbally, give your man a few good reasons why he shhould commit. Ensure that you are the type of woman that he wants before you think about a committment. Evaluate the relationship and see if you are both happy and willing to take it a few steps further. Be what he wants without forcing yourself to; be his happy place, his pillar of support. Contrary to what many people think, being able to wash, cook and clean are not the basic foundations of what makes a man happy and lean towards commitment. If you are seen as a great companion who he has to lean on at the end of his day, forcing him to commit will never be an option.
#1 Be fun and easy going. Guys are much less complicated than women, that much is for certain. They like things to be easy going and relaxed. Which means they don’t really want to commit to someone who’s going to add stress to their life. So be easy going and keep things light and fun. He’ll be much more willing to commit. [Read: 10 ways to prove that you’re girlfriend material]

Answer: Remind him what he was chasing you for. Show him that just because he’s won over you doesn’t mean he gets to keep you. Instead of groveling and chasing him, turn the tables and make him work to get you back. If you remind him that you can be just fine without him, he’s likely to begin the hunt and chase all over again. [Read: How to keep a guy interested in 30 super sexy ways]


Since winning her back in the next 8 months will be beyond your control, I suggest not thinking about winning her back for now and as she's said, to simply move on for now and to just focus on yourself instead. If the relationship was a meaningful one to both parties, the opportunity would always present itself again in the future, and should you want to give it another shot at that time, then you can always consider things again.

i don’t really agree that a woman’s gotta give a guy space under every circumstance because sometimes when people are in steady relationships there might be scenarios where real problems arise which might require a ‘down-time’ but either way the only solution is to talk about it, if a guy doesn’t wanna talk and he just dissapears he doesn’t have respect for the woman and is not interested at all,so for him it’s just a game and for the ladies it’s really painful.so keep away from these type of men,especially if they start to act like this in the early phases of dating and peculiarly if you met them online.these online dating guys are not trustworthy and have parallel contacts
Katie Davies Katie Davies is a freelance writer and blogger from England. In between cups of coffee, she has written for a number of businesses and publications on her three favorite subjects of fashion, travel and dating. She loves to use her personal knowledge and previous experiences to help others through her writing and blogs weekly at www.katiekat.co.uk.
It’s always nice to know when the man you’re in love with misses you whenever you’re not together. And so you try to do a few things here and there to make sure that he really feels your absence whenever you’re not spending time with one another. You’re trying all the tricks of the trade; but you still don’t get the sense that he misses you when you’re not around. What else is there to do? You thought that absence would make his heat grow fonder, but you’re not doing it right somehow. You’re not getting the effect that you want and it’s really confusing you.
Everything went well…we were soo deep in conversations…but the only thing we did was we dint confide each other that we were in love with each other….i was too afraid to….and he loves texting me often…and he says im damn cute in my photos…pulls my leg often…and we chat day and night…he says im his bestiee…all of a sudden he started replying me in one word texts like ohhh’s and hmm’s which drove me mad….i dunno wat conclusion to make…may be he has found me boring and too available….i love him soo much and it really hurts if he doesn’t chat with me as before….i went offline for a month…and going offline will make him miss me??? Will that make him crave for my presence!! Pls…help me somebody..im dying everyday
So there’s two angles this must be approached from. Firstly, both of you must be open, vulnerable and directly honest about everything that is happening with each of you. You must use honesty to force yourpartner to accept who you are. If they don’t, leave them, to create space for someone who will. Secondly, both must create an agreement of openness, whereby each will not punish honesty but will work to accept it.

Are you waiting anxiously for his call? Are you eager to meet him? Even if you are, you should not always be available to them whenever they want to see you. If you want to want to create a relationship that is worth investing into and if you want to make him realize your value, then you should create some mystery. If you are always available then he will not feel it necessary to try hard.
Work to move past your approach anxiety as early in your life as possible. Fortunately, this is a skill that can be easily learned and a good coach will work with you in public to tackle this challenge and build your confidence.  You may wish to challenge yourself to start talking to 2 new people per day and increase your goal by at least 20% each week. Soon you will naturally be engaging with others and see new dating and relationship opportunities landing in your lap.  I would also practice what to say to a woman who is being rude.  Stay classy and be articulate when confronting her behavior.

Hello, my boyfriend and I have been dating for the last 3 years. He did break up with me before about 2 years ago bc he wanted to grow and get his life together due to money issues. We are both almost 26 and in real estate. I did no contact for 2 weeks and I texted him and he texted me paragraphs about how much he missed me and long story short we got back together. We lasted a total of 2 more years. About 4 days ago he broke up with me again. He was the one that wanted to see me everyday and he was always taking care of me and I did the same for him. Without even me pushing he wanted to see me about twice a day before and after work and always wanted to spend lots of time with me. Even the same day of the break up he talked about moving out together and he always talked about the future and getting me a ring the last few weeks even months. He flipped on me all of a sudden 4 days ago and told me over text he doesn’t want the relationship bc he has to focus on himself and get a place and get his life together. Shocked I kept asking him questions begging him not to leave but he kept saying he has to do this and it was hurting him too. I went to his sisters wedding a few days ago and met his whole family. They all loved me and his dad told everyone I was his daughter in law and his sister said I was his sister in law. He told me the wedding made him realize how quick everything was moving and he needed to grow himself. How can he flip on me and act cold so suddenly. It broke my heart. Our relationship was very strong and we were always there for each other like a married couple. We even had a trip coming up next month. He just acted so cold so suddenly and didn’t answer my texts after that. I tried to ask him will there be an us again or future together and he just said he didn’t want thi anymore and that he has to focus on himself. I did no contact for 4 days now and it’s tearing me apart. I want to marry this man one day and I miss him so much. We planned our future together :(
No where in this article is there mention about being blocked! How am I to contact my ex girlfriend after 30 day no contact if she blocked me from Facebook, instagram, phone calls, and text messages? I had to make a fake Facebook to find out that she is in a possible rebound relationship! I recently, a day before starting no contact sent her two positive emails not even mentioning us getting back and she responded to both emails : Leave me the fuck alone!!! Leave me the fuck alone!!!! I know exactly why she broke it off and I do have all of the reasons as to why if back with her it will work for the both of us. My way of thinking has changed drastically. We haven't been together since August 21st and on her birthday which was the 10th of September I delivered 29 roses and 29 balloons with a card and a three page letter and it still wasn't enough. She can be very stubborn and it's a good chance that someone close to her is filling her head up by instructing her to move on and block the thought of me! So I have no choice but to do the 30 day no contact rule. However, if I'm blocked from reaching out to her in every way possible, the only option would be to pop up at her job or home which to me would be very stalkish!
Thanks, Ryan. The relationship was a very meaningful one in which we helped one another to grow in certain ways. I will be ever thankful for that even if we never succeed together as a couple. I will be just as happy without her as I was with her, and I will be happy for her as long as she is truly happy with her life without me in it. I have no bad blood towards her at all, and cannot, with any of my being, ever bring myself to hate or want to hurt her. I just hope, in all honesty, that no matter what happens, she will be alright. I know that I will.

I've dated two other men since him, plus ive had shorter flings, I've have had a lot of time to detach and relax and feel FAR less needy around him... I think things could be better this time and that I wouldn't be as emotionally reactive as I used to be with him, but he flat out says doesn't believe that. He used to tell me in the past that i had no idea how strongly our fights used to affect him - so now he doesnt want any chance of going back there and hes happy just keeping it light and friendly but distant. How can I get past his resistance about meeting? I believe that if we meet once or twice he will see things are better and calm down... but I can't get that initial meeting to happen
Finding an incredible guy and sticking around with him is wished by every woman. And her wish seems to get fulfilled once she starts imagining of marrying her dream guy. But that’s not how things go afterwards. The guy simply gets horrified due to his fear of commitment phobia. So, read here to find out some top signals which notify your man has got a fear of commitment.
Peter did a lot of studying of couple skills on his own via books and a website.  At the same time, he had a therapist for guidance when he felt stuck and to help him with insights and deeper subconscious change.  Finding a therapy professional to help you through this kind of crisis can be helpful, provided it is a therapist who helps you to see and rectify your relationship mistakes.
Eventually he told me he can not stand it anymore and although he loves me he cant be with me. So we didnt talk for 2 days, and then he wrote me that Im the love if his life and he wont give up on this. But I decided to take a step back cuz it hurt me. So I told him we need to do the talk and decide what we are gonna do. After 2 weeks we finally did it and had a big fight. Then we decided to try again. So we met again and it just led to nowhere. We went in circles, could not even find a place to go to do the talk because of my stubbornness and his lack of understanding...
I purchased your advanced guide, but I had a question that isn’t really answered. She broke up with me then didn’t talk for a few weeks. I contacted her we tried being friends then she unfriended me on social media. I assume cause she said I had a unhealthy attachment to her. I ran into her at school and ig I’m asking do I still have a chance or should I let go and move on? I realize my faults and that what our relationship turned into was negative, but I believe we could still work.
You know something is wrong if you are always crying or feeling bad about what has happened and you can quite get over it.  You also know it can be frustrating when you can seem to figure out what to text or what to say to your ex bf.  Well, the solution is you can join my Private Facebook Support Group and/or pick up your copy of the Texting Bible and get the emotional support and answers your need.
How to get back your lover within 24 hours,My lover name Elizabeth Wayne brokeup with me 2year but every time i see her i still have feeling for her,until the day i was going through my facebook page when i saw a post that Dr sacre can help you get back your lover back to you within 24 hours i contacted him to give a try and truly it work within 24 hours my lover was back to me, so if you also need Dr Sacre to help you do some prayer so that your lover can be back contact him whatsapp number or call him on this number +2347033155855 or email him sacretempleofpowergmailcom
It's common that someone continues to love a person even though they're no longer in love. It simply means that the passionate feelings she might have once had for you has started to fade, but it doesn't mean that she's stopped caring about you altogether (which is why she still shows care and concern). I suggest figuring out what went wrong and where she started to lose her spark for you and see if you are able to re-ignite that spark again.

These 3 steps are based on simple psychological techniques that work extremely well after a breakup. It’s not some mind tricks and cheap gimmicks that you will use to trick your ex into getting back together. If you are planning to trick your ex or force them into being with you, you are just going to end up in another miserable breakup. This guide will teach you how to start a new relationship with your ex; a relationship that actually has a chance of being a long lasting healthy relationship. Not the same old one which ended in this breakup.
Invest in sharing your message thoughtfully, clearly, respectfully (self-respect and respect to the party involved). Seek to be understood, and most importantly, invest in understanding what your partner is trying to share with you. This will build a secure foundation in love, respect and fulfillment for you and the one you love. “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen Covey 

Stef Safran, is “Chicago’s Introductionista” and owner of Stef and the City. She’s a matchmaking and dating expert in Chicago. She’s been in the business for over 14 years, starting with recruiting contestants on “The Dating Game.” She founded Stef and the City in 2009 and have been featured in media outlets such as; the Huffington Post, Chicago Sun-Times, The Chicago Tribune, ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, Fox32 News, ABC7’s “Windy City Live”, WCIU’s “You and Me This Morning,” Time Out Chicago and more!
So I went back to doing what I was doing. I focused on myself, I had fun, I spent time with friends, I did a lot of writing, I traveled, I discovered so many things about myself. I felt happier and better than ever before, all the pieces in my life were finally clicking… and then at the very end of the summer, he reached out to me and after hours of talking, he asked me out. Our first date was seven hours long and we got married a year to the day later!
Knew this guy in middle school he was in love with me.. lost touch and about 2 months we started talking. But I always have to call him.think he called me twice so far including returned phone calls. And he always dose the talking always when i talk its interruptred are non responcive. ButTalked daily and decided to meet briefly about two weeks ago. We talked for a about 15 20 min.then it went real fast real quick. I said no a few times before I just gave in. Now its we talk every other day to maybe once a week. He’s said a few times about going out before sex and once after but includes that we should end that date with sex. I have asked him where he stands after we had sex the next day made it clear that was not like me and that it was to soon. He said it was built up and he agrees it was soon. Says he is content with his life but then says if he didn’t want to talk to me he’d say so……..I feel like I f***ed up by haven sex to soon and all he wants is ass now. What do u think
Since you started no contact in late September, it would probably be better to wait another week at least before you reach out to thank her for sending your stuff. You could use that opportunity to start a conversation with her and if she responds positively, continue towards building up a level of comfort and attraction between the two of you again. Use the guidelines in our other articles to help you along your way.
Thank You! Literally, as soon as I posted this he texted me! Crazy. It was just small talk. He said "Hows life" We've only not talked for 2 weeks. smh So nothing has changed for me lol. Nice to know he's doing well. Im going to read your articles/emails each day and hope I can get my baby again. This time in a new relationship even better than the last and permanently! Thank you for your words. That seems to be what im continuing to receive "Do what you want and makes you happy!" and you're right, Egos are toxic. Im learning so much about myself during this process and it's almost exciting. I still have my sad moments in those feelings of the absence of him but yoga, meditation, reading and focusing on my certification has helped! Im rambling, but im thankful there are positive people out there to discuss exes. They're not all bad, we're all human. Thank you so much!
With hindsight, Peter could see that the unpleasant situation he found himself in every day at work had left him depressed in the evenings. His response to depression had been to sink increasingly into "poor me" ruminations. "How can they treat me so unfairly? Why can't my boss appreciate my talents?  I'm stuck in a job that's not my thing. I hate having a job that doesn't fit and a boss who's chronically negative."
Do something nice for her without expecting her to pay you back. If she's studying late for an exam, pop by with her favorite tea or coffee and let her know that you know she's going to kill it tomorrow. If one of her friends gets in an accident, stop by and pay your respects (the friend will definitely let your ex know you stopped by). If your ex mentions she wanted to see a movie, buy her two tickets for her and her friend to see, and don't butt in. Your time will come soon.
Perhaps a change in the way you treat her would be good this time around, but give her some space first. Start off slow, but aim to be the patient and loving boyfriend, especially if you know that she has a lot on her plate. Memories with you should be nothing but sweet, which at least gives her an incentive to turn to you after a tough day/stressful week/etc.
My gf of about 3 years and I have broken up "for good" as of 2-3 weeks ago. We've been off and on for those 3 years, mostly due to (unintended) pressure on my part to advance the relationship. We never officially dated, or really called each other gf/bf, despite what I had felt — which shouldn't be a big deal, but didn't help things either. Those things aside, we were best friends, relying on each other for feedback on our work, talked about and were involved with each other's lives, both of us approaching our mid 30s. We found ourselves in a cycle of being together, since being with a friend is easy, then everything coming to a head, breaking up for a time, and drifting back into each other. But we always made each other laugh, we bonded over big and small things, and ... this break has been very difficult for me. We'd said I love you several times. We were highly compatible sexually. But when it came time to talk about the future, she'd put up walls, if she even talked at all. It was strained. She has issues with her parents' divorce when she was young, and her father was manipulative and untrustworthy. I have my own issues with parents who weren't in love, so there was some common ground in some way. I said I understood where she was coming from and suggested going to therapy together toward the end, but it didn't hold.
Hi. I'm currently on day 14 of no contact. And my ex has started a conversation for the third time in these two weeks. I keep the conversation short and unemotional like a friendly acquaintance. As stated by the no contact rules. However the undertone of her messages seem to tell me she misses me and perhaps even wants me back. I'm not sure of this because she doesn't say it with so many words I just seem to feel something. Should I risk it and break protocol of no contact and skip the 16 remaining days and ask her out for coffee already? Because if shes in the missing me phase already she might be over it later on. Although you guys say the missing phase can take a while. But still. Why take the risk? I hope you can clarify that for me :)
Men tend to like women who are independent and confident. They prefer the relationship to be interdependent. Interdependence requires both of you to be dependent as well as independent. This means that you create a dedicated space for your friends, work, and passion. You should not lose grip of things that are vital to you. Keep doing what you were doing before you began dating him.
Does this work on a homosexual relationship? We had been together for two and a half year yet most of the time we were having ldr relationship, we were really far apart as she’s in Europe and I’m in Asia. We broke up one week ago and she said she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. She’s gonna come back at the end of the year. Is it still possible to get her back?
It may be early days in this might-be-a-relationship, but practicing independence early on sets a good precedence. Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, stresses the importance of autonomy in a relationship. Having different interests, friends, and activities make for a more balanced couple.

For the past five months I have been rebuilding attraction. Very successfully, I might add. It’s been taking longer than expected, but the results have been good. We are at the point, or we WERE at the point (more on that in a bit) where we would be free for each other at any given time. We were texting and talking on the phone every single day, and seeing each other at least once a week. I had finally broken past the barrier where I can be as affectionate as I like, including little random pecks on the lips, and cuddling on the couch making out here and there during movies. We had sex for the first time again. It was great, and she responded well.


It's likely that her current date is a rebound, since she jumped into the relationship soon after the breakup. For the time being, give her some space to at least let go of the negative emotions she may have towards you after everything that has happened. Also spend this time working on figuring out what went wrong and make positive changes in those areas to at least appear more desirable to your ex and less of the person she was hurt by.
It's always better to be late than never realizing the mistakes made at all. You definitely didn't ruin your chances or made a mistake in texting him about no contact, and as you've said, no contact should ultimately be for your benefit as its meant to pick yourself up from the breakup and become a better version of yourself, which should in turn convince your ex to come back when he sees the changes.
He was supposed to buy his ticket to visit, and he had not. When I got home he called me. When I asked if he was still visiting, he said he wanted more, he did not know me as well as he would like, the calls were not building the relationship for him and seeing each other once a month would not be enough. That day and that day only during our calls, I said I knew the two months would be hard, that we still should get to know each other, that it thought we were falling, and that I while not there, I could have seen him as my husband (not yet, but could see it). I felt confused as he had been leading, initiating most calls, was the one saying love you, and asking to talk. He said that I was great emotionally and verbally and he did value me. I finally said, I want you to have what you want and wish you the best.

Hi Desireen. Nope…you are not crazy! You just want to figure out how to make things feel better for yourself and improve your chances. Its OK that you may have made some mistakes. He made plenty to. We all do. What matters is going forward and what you do. So its good to have an ex recovery plan, both for yourself and also doing things to optimize your chances of getting your ex back. My program is all about that. Go to my site’s home page to learn more about my ebooks, tools, resources, and many other things!


I dated someone for 2 1/2 years and it suddenly ended last week. He said I’m his best friend and he loves me deeply but there was a disconnect and he isn’t sure why. Said some things from the past concern him and it was time to move forward or let go. He said wasn’t sure if his feelings would come back and it wasn’t fair to him or me. He said he doesn’t have a negative word to describe me and he doesn’t understand it. Said if somethings meant to be it will be. He’s now going to therapy to work through his communication issues and commitment fears. As am I for my self worth.
Make a major independent financial decision. Talk about buying a car, a plot of land, a house, or maybe a Cessna. The reason: You're making him aware that you don't need him to move your life forward. And if he asks you why you didn't consult him first about the decision, jokingly say, "It's not like we're married!" He'll have to respond with a request for clarification of exactly what he is to you, if he's going to have any say in your financial matters. That sounds like the start of The Talk.
Whether or not you and your partner get together again after you’ve given them space or not, it is a sign that your partner could do it again to you at any point and becomes so overwhelmed in their emotions that they can’t handle expressing it to you. There are cases where perhaps you’ve been spending too much time together and/or you’ve become a bit too dependent on the person, but this shouldn’t be a good enough reason to not contact someone for a few days. Nor is when something happens in their life. Unless that situation is explained, and the person can understand then that’s fine.

Ok so I don’t know how to start. My boyfriend and I had a 5 year age gap. And I recently just had him end a relationship of 1 year and like 9 months. We met on Facebook through a mutual friend and talked for a couple weeks in the beginning of Dec. 2016 until his birthday in January of 2017. Three days after his birthday party he invited me back over to hangout with him and the female mutual friend (who I met through work, she was like his older sister, she told me. And his neighbor) Anyway it was just me and him hanging out for a few hours and by the end of the night he romantically asked me to be his girlfriend, because we talked for weeks before meeting and he wanted to exclusively see me and date. I said yes. Fast forward maybe a month or a couple months and things were going great. We hungout on weekends, he came into my work to see me right after he got out from work almost every other day. It was very sweet. We went to movies, we went to his friends & his parents and were doing all kinds of stuff. People I knew from work would come to his house and hangout, watch movies, play games etc. Then I finally confessed to my parents that I was staying at his house (basically living there, I stayed 3 or more nights with him.) Everythjng was exciting and fun & sweet. Fast forward a week maybe and he asked me to move in. I said yes and told my parents my decision. I’m a cluttery/messy person.. and he’s OCD. Anyway after we were together over a year he said that maybe we should break up. He said he loved me very much but the house was always a mess (and I was working a ton of late nights as a pharmacy tech & always studying so I was tired. ) He told me the house being dirty was depressing and things with our relationship weren’t as exciting as the beginning. I managed to ask him to give me another try, I promised to keep the house clean & to do more activities with him. For a few months things were great, we went to his friends almost every weekend. We enjoyed activities with his & my parents. And we still hungout with our mutual friend (his neighbor).i ended up quitting my job and we went to Florida for 2weeks. We stayed with his family along the way and I met everyone. That was this past april. Things were great. We even recently went to Wisconsin together for a family wedding. Then tragedy hit over 10 days ago. His parents had moved down south before April, and I knew he missed them a lot. He rarely spoke compared to his every day phone calls with them. They were always busy now. So he invited one of his best friends to stay for a week with us to kinda pick himself back up I guess. It created tensions between us. We went to get him downstate for the weekend and I don’t like doing things outdoors/active.. idk why. Anyway ever since then he stopped holding my hand & kissing me goodbye before work. He even stopped kissing me when he got home from work, he withdrew from me almost completely, and I’ve always been clingy. But I was coming up on 7 months with no work and money was tight so I blamed it on that. Long story short he broke up with me 10 days ago. He said we are two different people and he needs an active and clean/neat partner. And I need someone to motivate and wake me up when repetition happens because I can deal with the same thing everyday. But not him. So for the past 7 months I’ve been trying to sell soaps. And he hasn’t been exactly supportive. He doesn’t talk about it. We would fight because he wouldn’t say anything positive he just would say oh cool. But he wasn’t negative or thought it was stupid either, I got his mom into the hobby. I miss him now. I don’t know if he will ever comeback. I’m desparate.. I was with him for almost 2 years, so many memories, i moved in with him and left my family & friends behind. They lived 30 minutes from where we lived. Nobody ever visited because of distance. I was ready to marry him, and at one point he did too. But the day we broke up he said something was missing in his life and he needed time alone. I have so much I could say, but this is already too long. And I recently made an okcupid account and found he had reactivsted his old one. I am so depressed that he’s moving on already. He didn’t want to give me anymore chances to change and he didn’t want to fix things.. But he swore up and down he’s always supported and loved me. He said he still loves me but we don’t work. Somebody please reply, I’m losing my best friend and the man I love. I know couples can change & grow together in relationships, I just feel because he’s depressed and isolated from everybody hat he’s pushing me away too.. I can do but leave him alone because he doesn’t like to message me anymore. I had a new phone he persuaded me to get with him when he wanted one too, everything was contract & in his name. It was a hassle to get it switched back to me & make payments w/o a job. Same with my car insurance. We were looking at houses and everything. It was like overnight he changed..


Guy, yeah it might be easier if you just avoid the situation. Everything’s easier if you just run away from it. It’s not right though and a very childish way of ending things. There’s something to be said for a bit of honesty. If you ignore the person rather than saying “I’m no longer interested” it shows that you’re not honest. It says more about you than it does about the girl who you’ve just left out of the blue. Been out with a few guys who for some reason or another have realised that it’s not what they want and they were honest about it. Didn’t like it because I really liked them so was a bit hurt but I got over it eventually.
Jasbina Ahluwalia is a Matchmaker/Dating Coach, Radio Show host & founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina – the only Matchmaking & Online Dating Support Firm in North America & the U.K. for Indian Singles. A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post & Entrepreneur Magazine.
Well she did say she came ready to have a hard time and so at first it was difficult for both of us, we ended up laughing and she grabbed my arm and everything at the end of the day so I guess she ended up relaxing and enjoying herself, said she was glad to have seen me...She said she won't have a relationship with me but agreed to continue to meet up and that after I expressed my true intentions and feelings, that I was commited to change, that I loved her and that I didn't gave up that dream, so we did have an intense talk first thing and then we just enjoyed each other's company. So I guess...There's hope there. In my opinion now I have to continue improving myself, being a friend for her like when we started and just be trully patient. While I wasn't expecting to get back together right there and then it went well I think, now I can see her again and continue to show her that I'm commited to real change and that I'm there.
Breakups hurt like crazy. And your mind is just clouded with the grief. It seems that your thoughts are just controlled by your emotions. So if you miss your ex, you might think that they were the perfect person for you. But in reality, it might not be so. In fact, I can almost guarantee that it wasn’t so. Your ex, just like every other person on earth had flaws. And your relationship, even though it might be hard to believe right now, was not great. How can I tell? Well, if it was great, you wouldn’t have broken up.

I Sophia…try not to get caught up with innuendo or what he may have said to someone about you. Some guys won’t accept responsibility for their actions and will lie and deceive to cast blame on others. Now you have more insight into his behavior. I think you would benefit if you looked to join my Private Facebook Support Group. It has about 1500 women who have gone through all kinds of breakups and the support each other. I do weekly live Facebook webcasts on various topics. You can go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more about this!
my name is Philip and I only wanted to share my story in short. We've been together for almost an year, I never met any other person like her. She's been through some relationships and we both agreed, this was it. I was so sure about us. The more it hurt, still does. I have a lot of bad habits which ruined it: I lied to her, didn't tell a lot of things, that may have hurt her, made us fight. I subconsciously manipulated with her emotions (which I always meant right, wanted shere my own feelings and... it came out like that). I was scared of it and never said the right thing. Always fought as passionate as her, well, if I wasn't so jelouce, If I wasn't so insecure and if I would be 100% honest and trying to make her as happy, as I was... it wouldn't end up with her, screaming "I hate you..!" We texted after and except for me being so desperate, I kind of had a chance to say how sorry am I. So we agreed that in some time, we may talk again, but only if I won't be trying to get her back. I can't believe that she is really happy alone, as she told me, only a month ago we were together and both felt like this is going to last forever.
We’ve broken up once before about four months ago, it was different. But I guess I’ll admit overall the same thing. Except it was for TWO DAYS. and even within those two days we still talked slightly. I can’t tell you exactly what it was about. But long story short, I wasn’t being the more positive. I wasn’t treating him the way he should have been treated. I wasn’t treating him badly, but I wasn’t fully aware of everything he was doing for me. I was negative. Always complaining about my home life, friends, job, blahnlah. But very soon I realized how I was acting wasn’t going to get me or him anywhere for awhile. Then we talked. We were happy. We were together. He had planned to be with me the whole time. Just wanted me to realize some things. Boom. Happy.

I purchased your advanced guide, but I had a question that isn’t really answered. She broke up with me then didn’t talk for a few weeks. I contacted her we tried being friends then she unfriended me on social media. I assume cause she said I had a unhealthy attachment to her. I ran into her at school and ig I’m asking do I still have a chance or should I let go and move on? I realize my faults and that what our relationship turned into was negative, but I believe we could still work.


Hi there, I have been reading tons of advice you guys offer to permanently get your ex back and recently me and my ex broke up 1 year and 8 months into the relationship. We broke up because she said that I didn't love myself, which I realize this now because I had so many insecurities that caused the energy between us to go downhill with my jealousy, trust issues, and depression. I realize all of mistakes now but the 1st week after our breakup I was super needy and desperate, I would contact her and make up lies to just see what she was doing and just to talk to her. I have recently started the no contact with her hoping that maybe she will miss me when she is wondering what I am up to. She told me that I need to move on and just do things that I wouldn't be able to do in relationship such as flirt with other girls, go to certain type of parties, talk to my friends constantly and to just have fun period. She says she has faith with us but she has no idea when she will feel ready to go back into a relationship with me. She also said I have to move on and let go and come back when I have a chance, "To let the bird fly away and if it's meant to be then the bird will fly back." I am just worried because from the looks of it she has already moved on, went to three parties already, and I know she is talking to this guy. I accept that she is doing all of this because I know she just wants to have fun because I used to be manipulative and controlling. I know all of my mistakes now and during this no contact period I want to work on myself and love myself. I accept the fact that if my ex don't want to get back together that I shouldn't sweat about it because I will find someone else, but she has made such a huge impact in my life that I just simply choose to be with her. She simply made me happy but I didn't make her happy. What could I do to fix all of this and perhaps start a new relationship in the future. I wont see her for 8 months because I will be in the army then after that I will be attending the same college as her. I hope that by the time I come back she will be single and had the fun she wanted to have so I can talk to her about giving us another chance. Thank you for you time.
I remember when my husband and I moved in together, after about a month he pulled away for a bit. He wasn’t really rude about it but i think he just needed some space. I think he was just getting tired of me, like it was romance overload. I ended up burying myself in my own hobbies for a while and I think he ultimately appreciated me for giving him space. I think it’s hard in the moment but if the girl enjoys some time to pursue her own interests for a bit and waits for the man to resume… Read more »
The hardest question of all to answer though is this one: ‘why do men pull away after intimacy’? The answer is unclear, but it’s usually tied to a man who realized you weren’t what he craved in the long run. Especially when he becomes distant in this case, it can be difficult to repair what you had. We’re not saying it’s impossible for a guy to overcome his worries about you or the relationship. However, usually, once those doubts become so strong that it makes him pull away and become distant, it’s often too late to salvage something strong and durable.
If you're not usually one to speak up, Mintz suggests trying it solo first. "Next time you're masturbating, make some noise," she says. "You might find something is really fun, and then you can transfer that to partner sex." Otherwise, saying anything that's praising, instructive, and even a little dirty tends to go over well with men. Tell him exactly how you want to be touched (and where, and using what) and you'll his pleasure meter — and yours —through the roof.
We had very profound conversations, sharing the most intimate secrets and trusting each other. The physical part was amazing! After I couldn’t withhold my feelings on several occasions (two –three times during these two months) he started to pull back. The invitations to sleep over stopped all of a sudden, he stopped texting me every day and we have not met now for three weeks. I don’t see anything of what he told me before (that I was a different kind of a woman, that he hardly let someone so close to himself, that I am one of the few people he lets touch and hug him, that he cared about me given that he texted me every day, that I am a person worth having closer and that he didn’t want to hurt me). I try to revive things but every time I ask to meet he comes with “Maybe, if you find time although I am going out this weekend” and after going out “I got so drunk, I have a terrible hangover let’s meet another day” (which never comes), or when I ask whether we would meet he says “Let’s go to the cinema!” and then asks “Have you seen the movies? Although there is nothing good..” and it all stops there.
What I mean by leave them alone is don’t bring up the notion of getting back together just yet. Let the wounds somewhat heal before trying to reunite. If you have been broke up for a long time, ignore this. The reason you want to put some time between the breakup is the bad memories (if there are bad memories) are still fresh and your ex’s emotions are extremely raw. Time offers perspective.
Maybe he texts you a generic, “Hey, how are you?” If he really misses you, he might even call. Or, maybe you text or call (but remember, this is after a period of no contact that lasts at least four weeks). At this point, there are no hard and fast rules to follow. In fact, there are no rules when it comes to dating in general. Remember before when we talked about people putting on deodorant and perfume on to disguise body odor instead of taking a bath first… well, that’s the same as employing rules that don’t align with where you truly are mentally.
Your first instinct is probably to talk all night and fall in love with his charming voice all over again, right?  Wrong move.  Besides calling too soon or calling too much, the next mistake a woman makes is to talk too much rather than ending the conversation a little sooner than usual.  In fact, if you really want him to miss you end the conversation first and don’t let it drag on until you get back that intimacy you lost.  He doesn’t deserve that intimacy, not right now.
Remember, when a man pulls away due to stress it has nothing to do with you or his feelings for you. I understand that you think he should open up to you, but you can’t place these expectations on him. Why? Because he is wired differently than you. You wouldn’t appreciate being forced into doing something that went against your nature and the same is true for him. When someone forces us to be a certain way it’s violating and invasive. It’s a breach of our boundaries and it’s disrespectful.
I purchased this book about a month ago after my boyfriend and I had broke up. I was devasted seeing as we had been together for over 6 years. It just didn't feel right that we had broken up and to be honest, I was looking for any possible way to re-strike the flame and love that we once had. Luckily, I came across this book and it truly helped me in many ways. It not only gives advice on how to pull yourself out of the "heartbreak/depressed" phase, but it also helped get me motivated at making myself better in all aspects. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I highly recommend this book. It definitely makes you get motivated and out of that initial rut after a break up. Who knows? I'm feeling so much better than I did a month ago and I'm ready to get my ex back.
big problem here. my ex and I have been broken up for about 2 years. HOWEVER none of his relationships have progressed into anything and have always ended horribly. we have maintained contact since but I was the one who first initiated no contact and he always broke it. I sent him an apology letter in the mail and he and I eventually got back together after our neighbor had a talk with him. my ex suffers from "lone wolf syndrome". he hates any kind of attachment, is extremely stubborn and doesn't like anyone telling him what to do. one common thread is he always comes to me when his relationships fizzle out. I have no idea why because I have always maintained that I agree with being friends with him (since we broke up he insists he just wants to be friends but I HATE IT) and I strive to be the best one he has. I try to build him up and make him feel like he's doing the right thing with his life (when he gets down) and he has been helping me out too. even this past memorial day we had a REALLY good time with my friends (I introduced them to him because he had been feeling down). but recently he's fallen back into his shell because of some really stressful things going on in his life. I had texted him to see if he had wanted to come over and hang out to get away from it and he didn't text me at all. TWO WEEKS passed and I barely heard anything from him other than seeing he had been online. so I texted him saying I felt hurt and neglected and he responded with "I'm sorry you feel that way, I just want to be friends" now I can't stop thinking about what he said and I want to get OUT of the dreaded friendzone and get back to being his girlfriend. advice please! thank you :)...
Hi me and my boyfriend of ten years have been broken up for about a month and a half he moved in with a woman only two weeks after The Break-Up so I think it's a rebound relationship not sure if he was seeing her on the side but they both said not but anyways he spent the night with me a month after we broke up and yes we had sex he also said that he loves me and was coming back home he just need more time but he left that was 2 weeks ago and hasn't even called me or tried to see our 2 children I'm very confused at this point is it normal for this to happen? Our problem was that he drank a lot and he didn't spend time with his family so yes I fussed about lot but I have had time to think about it and realize the more you fuss about it the more they Rebelle and do it anyways so I'm willing to just let it go and let him see that it's not a good thing on his own one more thing even though he's in a relationship he told me that I was his and that I better not date anyone else what do you make of all of this please help me figure out what is going on in your opinion could it be possible it's because I made a fool out of my self when we first broke up?
I really love your blogs, they make a lot of sense, and I need your help with something. I’m 39 years old and I’m engaged to a woman I adore. Here’s my problem, she nags me all the time. I want to be there for her but it feels like she’s always demanding so much time and energy. I know you’re supposed to “compromise” in a relationship but it seems like I’m making all the sacrifices and I’m starting to feel like this relations...

One of the reasons you seek new boyfriend advice from your loved ones—and ahem, the internet—is because you’re stuck reading between every line and over each text message. Here’s the hard truth about overthinking the details: The more you over analyze a man and your relationship with him, the more anxious you will feel. When you’re researching ‘how does a man act when he’s falling in love’ and and ‘how to stop a man from withdrawing’, you lose your sense of self.
I know.  You are thinking to yourself, “look, I came here to find out the fastest way possible to get my ex boyfriend back where he belongs.  I have to have him back”.  But trust me, things are probably pretty crazy right now if you are just coming out of the breakup, so don’t make it worse by rushing through things, being overly impulsive , and doing or saying something you will regret later.
So, my boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Everything starts with this fight we have and then he starts to ignoring me. Of course I freak out and I tried to talk to him and bla bla bla but he didn't want to see me. And that's it. He gave me no explanation.. I've been in No Contact Rule since then but I'm really confused and sad about this. We had a great relationship and I really didn't want to give it up. What should I do?

I Sophia…try not to get caught up with innuendo or what he may have said to someone about you. Some guys won’t accept responsibility for their actions and will lie and deceive to cast blame on others. Now you have more insight into his behavior. I think you would benefit if you looked to join my Private Facebook Support Group. It has about 1500 women who have gone through all kinds of breakups and the support each other. I do weekly live Facebook webcasts on various topics. You can go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more about this!

MeetMindful is the first online dating site to serve the mindful lifestyle. As part of that service, we’re bringing you a library of content from some of the most knowledgeable contributors in the areas of love and mindful living. If you have a story to tell or a lesson to share and you’d like to contribute to our site as a guest, please email us at write@meetmindful.com. If we’re a great match, we’d love to tell you more about joining our family of writers.
It seems counterintuitive, but experts' No. 1 piece of advice is to never to bring up the "What are we?" conversation. "It's like going to a party, turning off the music, turning on the lights, and asking, 'Are we all having a good time here?'" Trespicio says. "A good relationship is built on momentum, and putting a stop to the fun to 'check in' is a surefire way to kill the romance."
I have been “talking” to this guy for almost 3 months. It has been going great, but we have not had the commitment/exclusive talk. I was fine with us taking it slow and was not worried about this, but now we are long distance for the near future. I feel like we need to have this talk so I know exactly where we stand. I do not see any point in being in a long distance relationship if it is not serious, and we do not have a plan and are not both committed to make it work. I know I should have brought this up before I left, but I panicked. I am not sure when I will see him in person again and my question is in this case is it acceptable to discuss this over the phone? And when I do talk to him how do I bring it up without him freaking out.
Hello well .. This guy has Been pursuing me for almost 3yrs. We were intimate, spent all of our time together. He does for me, we go out in public. We talked about marriage and kids together everthing.. He knew that i wasnt emotionally ready at the time yet he assured me it was safe to open up and be kind…Then when i finally do and say lets do this he tells me no and starts to pull away… Now he says he not ready and not intrested anymore…what happened?
Your chances are definitely going to be there as long as the relationship was a meaningful one. However given his age in particular, there could be a chance that he's also exploring at this stage of life and being with someone older was simply an experience he wanted to try but still felt more comfortable at the end of the day being with someone closer to his age. Continue with no contact and after you're done, you could reach out to him to see where he stands on being friends again. You'll have to do things a step at a time starting as friends, before you're able to rebuild attraction further, so the best advice I can give you is to remain patient and avoid building up unnecessary expectations.
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