It’s also really important to take into consideration how often these things are happening, and how long it’s been going on. If you’ve dated for a year and he’s hardly every canceled a date, then all of a sudden over the course of one month he’s canceled on you three times, remember that this is one month out of many! Don’t erase those first 12 months in your mind as if they didn’t happen.
If you do fall into the trap of being cold, then it can really push a guy away. If he’s getting in touch with you, then it means you’ve been on his mind. This is a solid foundation for making things right between the two of you again, but if you’re acting like a cold ice warrior, then it’s only going to confirm to him that he made the right decision in leaving you.
Don’t rush things. The beginning stages of dating someone new or being in a fresh relationship are fun and exciting. I can’t for the life of me understand why some gals want to stay over at his house all weekend, meet all of his friends and have a phone conversation with his mom after only three weeks of being together. Ladies, there’s plenty of time for all that! Just enjoy getting to know him and don’t try and hurry things along, otherwise, what will there be to look forward to?
When you follow the no contact rule, you give him the time and space to miss you. This can only happen in your absence, not in your presence. By reaching out too soon, you risk falling into a post-relationship relationship. Meaning you talk on occasion and you hang out from time to time, but your relationship is totally undefined and the needle doesn’t seem to be moving in one direction or the other. That’s because you’re both lacking clarity and that’s because you need a period of no contact to get your minds straight. If you don’t take this time, everything will remain cloudy and confusing.
Making your man commit can take time and effort. You want to send him signals that you are ready to take the relationship further but at the same time don’t want to overdo it so it becomes an obsession or pressurizing. Don’t let the relationship become boring, keep an element on fun and excitement in it by doing something new together, going on nights out or trying something new in the bedroom.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 11 years and we’ve been engaged but nothing happened. We have a daughter and I feel he does not feel the same about me. We’ve had major issues but always end back together. We having problems now and I said I want a open honest loyal relationship but ye says I’m mad and I spy on him because I want him to invite me on his face book which I haven’t been on ever. I feel if he can’t allow hes full commitment it will never work. He’s friends with everyone we know on fb but me. It hurts and I’m really sad about this because he does not want to be open with me. He the LD me today he won’t give my way until I prove myself. I’m confused and don’t know what to do we live together with our daughter but feels like a nothing and I mean nothing to him…. Cf
Julia you hit the nail on the head I feel the same way .too many times i have heard its all the woman”s fault let him have his pity party while we set back and feel like crap because they cant handle emotions .well personally i think men should stand up and face things they are no more emotional then we are we need space and time too but do they let us? yes by never coming back because they didnt get the cake and eat it too so they go on to the next and next and the first poor women is left picking up the peaces while him and new women are flying high .i think we need to stop babying them
I have been dating a very successful professional, who also does a lot of additional work in non-profit and education. We went on 7 dates over 8 weeks, and he was always romantic and generous on these dates ie. expensive restaurants, shows, serenading me on his guitar, flowers, telling me he was in love with me and addicted to me, flirty texts… After the 5th date, I noticed that he messaged me less frequently and sometimes took days to respond. He mentioned that he was going through some stressful family stuff, and I assumed that it was related to a family illness. On our 7th date, he told me that his parent had collapsed a few days before and was in hospital from an illness that was related to addiction. He told me that he was extremely stressed because it was bringing up old issues for him, and he warned me that when he is stressed, he pulls away from everyone and needs time and space alone. A week before Christmas, he told me that his father had been admitted into a clinic and that he was concerned that his father would not commit to the program. He was sick with the flu and would sometimes message me just before midnight to say hello and that he had just gotten off work. He did not ask to see me, but he was taking time to see his friends. I messaged him now-and-then with appreciative texts, to which he responded positively, but then would not continue the conversation. By the fourth week of not seeing him, I was at the end of my rope, and I messaged him that I understood that he was going through a lot and that he was also busy with work, but that I would like to meet him to catch up because our communication was not what it used to be, and it had been 4 weeks since we had seen each other. He replied that he was aware that he was pulling away, and that he needed some more time to himself as he was struggling to find grounding. He told me that the family issues were still ongoing and causing a lot of stress. I said he would love to see me in the future but that right now he needed time alone. He told me that he understood if that was unacceptable to me, but that he hoped that I would wait for him and give him a little more time. I replied that I had been hurt and confused over the holidays because we did not see each other, but that I understood he needed space and time. I appreciated that he gave me some clarity and I would like for us to communicate better. I told him that I respected, cared for him and wished him happiness. Since our last text conversation 2 weeks ago, neither of us have reached out to one another. I’m finding it really hard to not see or talk to him, but from what I have read in relationship articles including this one about giving a man space when he is pulling away from stress, it is the best course of action. Some days I am so busy myself that I don’t really have time to think about him, but when I do, I become quite depressed. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated…
Answer: If he’s feeling low about himself, then the last thing you want to do is make him feel even worse by being upset all the time. The only thing you can do is to hang on, try to boost his confidence, and encourage him to follow this dreams. Being supportive will help him to feel accomplished and will let him know that you are happy with him and have all that you could need. [Read: 12 common male insecurities that women don’t realize]
I called after a week of no contact & we pretty much were on the verge of breaking up but he confined it. It’s that he owed me money so I left a message and plus he told an ex I was doing drugs and doingbsexual acts for them. So I was pist off after she sent the message about what he told her. So now what do i do i know i should habe never contacted him but I was angry
First off, before I tell you what happened, I would like to point out that my recent ex-girlfriend and I are both college students. She is a freshman, and I am a junior, with a two-year age gap as well. I reside on-campus, and when she broke up with me, she did it in my dorm after cuddling me. When she broke up with me, she cried, and I knew that she was struggling to really go through with the decision. However, she still broke up with me in the end. I know why it happened and that it does have to do with the fact that we need to work on ourselves and we are both a bit insecure. I know that I was clingy and pushed her away due to my insecurities. I also know that I have said that I will keep positive and try to work on myself, and I am still going to do that. However, I just want to be really honest with what exactly went down immediately following the breakup.
Well, now you have to meet your ex. When you contact your ex, you need to ask them to meet you. But do not call it a date. Do not even talk about getting back together. Just say you want to “catch up” or “hang out together”. Try to keep it short, like a lunch or coffee. The date has to be in setting where you can leave easily if you sense that things are going south.
Personally, I wouldn’t consider it an emergency if he’s without some of his stuff. However, if for whatever the reason he was so worried something happened to you, at some point he would ACTUALLY start looking for you, whether it’s at work or at home, in which you would find it sweet of course, but at the same time you can tell him you’re fine and just need some space.
If I were you ... I would find someone more like YOU. Someone who takes their time out to travel a distance to see their loved one. Someone who is faithful and won’t leave their boo or their friends to hook up with someone else. And someone who cares enough to write a blog on here about it. I hope for ur sake, u don’t contact this person ever again and be very brief if they contact you. Because everything u just stated seemed like a full circle and it will continue to happen because all this guy will ever think about u is ... “well I messed up before and he took me back. So I guess a few more won’t hurt.” But it has. He has lost respect for u. So either ignore him until he really realizes that he has lost you .... or just try to find someone a little more serious and warm hearted as yourself. Good luck to u. And I wish u the best.
Me any ex dated for over a year. He recently stopped communicating with me about four months ago. He will not give me a reason to his decision. I’ve begged and pleaded the last four months. He responds periodically but will not answer directly if he has broken up with me. My question is simply “are we done” “are we not dating anymore” etc. he never responds to those questions of why but if I say good morning or something general he will respond (sometimes) but takes hours to do so. I’ve just recently started to use the no contact rule, since yesterday. I do desire to be with him but I’m so emotional and I think I need to get myself together and calm down. I imagine he has started a relationship with someone else but he won’t answer that question either. Do you think it’s a chance after the 30 days that this situation has a chance? I will with all my might not contact him and work on being stronger regardless if we rekindle or not. Our relationship was good, not strong though we’ve never had major issues I do realize the lack of communication with each other if there were issues. What are your suggestions to this? Thank you
But it’s not good enough to pretend to be less interested, you actually need to take some steps to take your mind off of him, what he’s doing and what he’s thinking. Get busy with work or school, stop contacting him as much, and don’t be so quick to respond to his messages and calls. He will wonder what happened to make you back off, and it will definitely make him want to commit.
The two authors actually broke up and got back together, and are sharing the wisdom they gained during the breakup period. I loved the authors' personal notes, and how they interject humor at just the right times. They are like our "best friends," who, because they care about us and want us to move forward (instead of sitting around, sad, depressed, and obsessing over the breakup), they share the details of their own painful break-up and the personal insight they acquired as a result. The vital decisions they each made about their lives during the breakup enabled them to come back together as better people, with a deeper understanding of themselves and what they each want/need in a relationship.
There are certain techniques to get him back again and you will learn them here. When someone tells you that you can use tricks to get him back you can often assume the worst. Of course no relationship should be built on deception and you should not have to trick someone to want to be with you. What I am talking about here are psychological tricks that we are unaware of. If you understand the way that the male psyche operates you will be able to change your behaviour in a positive way to make him more attracted to you.
P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason
4. We are sad. And yes, men pull away when we are being sad or feeling down for some reason. We are waiting for you to come and ask “what’s wrong” and give us a hug. But if you don’t come we pull away even more. And more. And more until you come or we end up feeling that you don’t care about us. Men love empathic and loving womens. Even when we don’t admit it. Even most strongest alpha male wants to feel loved and cared when he feels weak and if you show us that you care we will love you forever. Seriously this isn’t a lie. Most simplest way to make a man stay true to you or love you is just to make him feel cared. Give him a hug when he needs it, tell him sometimes he still looks handsome and cool even when he’s getting older etc. I know that there is douchebags who will betray you no matter what you do or leave you, but real men want the same thing you do: to have that one loving partner in their life who makes them feel cared and loved every day.
My girlfriend of two years has left me again (after doing the same thing about two months prior). The last time I had began to move on even though I really didn't want to. She contacted me and said she was shocked by how fast I was moving on and she proceeded to make me believe she wanted me back. Two weeks ago she did the same again - ended it after telling me she "hates me", doesn't love me or fancy me. It's all very out of the blue and I'm acting desperate and needy right now, it's awful. I feel like I'm going mad and I just don't know what to do. I love her but I feel like it's a lost cause.
I have a very good feeling that if we can get to a point where we can talk openly and he isn't feeling pressured to get back together, we will have an excellent chance to make it work. I want to work to make big changes to make our sex life better and I know if I can show this to him, he will definitely want to reconsider. He is also young like me and very impulsive. We had a great relationship other than this issue.
Back to my original point, something happened in the past two days that shocked me and left me feeling confused and going back to square one of No Contact and coping with the breakup. She texted me yesterday to ask how I was doing. As I was preoccupied by focusing on my happiness and playing pool with a friend, I was ignoring my phone. An hour of playing pool goes by, and I turn to see her standing near where we used to hang out. I continue to play pool and talk to the friend I'm playing with, and I make some comments about movies I haven't seen, and I try to look confident despite what I'm feeling inside. I then pluck up the courage to actually talk to her. She says that she came by to say hello as it had been a while, and I point out that it had literally been only a weekend and a day (from Thursday, so it had literally been 4-5 days since we'd seen one another or talked.)I told her that I didn't expect to see her, and then broke it to her that I think we need more space from each other. She said that she didn't know that that was how I felt because she hadn't heard from me, but I told her that because she asked for a breakup, I was giving her what she asked for by not trying to text or call her about it, especially because the breakup was what she wanted. I told her that part of me focusing on me was me realizing that this was going to hurt me and realizing that I do not need to be engaging in something that will cause me pain. She again said "Okay, I understand if that is what you want." I told her that it isn't what I want, but what we both need, especially since she asked for the breakup. After, she made a comment about me being with this friend of mine that seemed a little like jealousy, which caused me to snap and say something that wasn't true about how I had brushed this friend off for a while because of her discomfort towards him (which was only partly true.) Anyway, I saw her today in a commons area as she sat in my direct line of vision and kept looking over at me. I went over to apologize and establish that I still wanted distance, but.. The notion that she was sitting in what seemed a deliberate spot to see me made me feel quite uncomfortable and a little scared. When I went up to her, she looked as if she had cried recently. She looked very unhappy. However, I know to be strong and not get lured back into this just because she is showing me that SHE is miserable. If insecurity will cause someone to breakup with someone, it will also cause someone to rethink getting back together and honestly push them further away, right? If she is trying to get me to move on from her, unfortunately she's taking a route that will make it easy for me to do so. It is clear to me from her actions that she is very unsure of what she wants. One minute, she says that she wants a breakup and space, but it seems as though she has done a 180 now that I have asked to go through with more time and space and told her that I need it as well. It's as if she wants me in her life, but is confused as to how and is now showing a disrespect of my wants in favor of her own, which is in turn confusing, hurting, and scaring me. After such a relatively good relationship, this period of direct After Relationship is starting to feel very scary and worrisome and almost toxic.