So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.
 Change up your look. Making small changes to your hair or wardrobe can have a huge impact on your overall confidence and make you feel good about yourself. In fact, tweaking your external appearance can, amazingly, inspire the courage you need to make more substantial changes. Something as simple as honing your personal style can eventually lead to actions and choices that can improve your energy, satisfaction, and joy in life. Investing time and energy in making small improvements to your outer appearance makes you feel joyful, confident, and entirely yourself and will only lead to good things.
I think that continuing your no contact for now would be a better idea before sending out the text. It may be too soon to send this without him thinking you have motives because the breakup was still relatively recent. And if the issue for the breakup was because of his clubbing interests, perhaps it might a good idea to let him go through this phase first instead of suppressing negative emotions while in the relationship, since it's usually just a phase that people go through.
It can feel like you’re a contestant in the Miss America Pageant when you first start dating a guy. You think things are going well, but with dating app FOMO being a real thing — you know: the fact that a guy has at his fingertips an unlimited number of women to choose from, even if they wouldn’t choose him — you feel the need to step up your game so that you take first place in his heart and mind.
What I mean by leave them alone is don’t bring up the notion of getting back together just yet. Let the wounds somewhat heal before trying to reunite. If you have been broke up for a long time, ignore this. The reason you want to put some time between the breakup is the bad memories (if there are bad memories) are still fresh and your ex’s emotions are extremely raw. Time offers perspective.
For some the search can be long and difficult, and for others it can be quick and easy. A lot of variables go into the length, ease, and success of that search, but the one thing that will boost your efforts is how well you present yourself. It’s imperative, especially early on, that you look your best every time we see you, at least for the first few months of the relationship. This is not men being vain or superficial. Unless your father is Bill Gates, how you look is the strongest magnet you possess. Your hair must be done, your nails neatly painted, and your clothes should highlight your assets and hide your liabilities. Loose sweats, uncombed hair pulled back under a baseball cap, and rundown Ugg boots are fine once the relationship is in high gear, but definitely a turn-off when at the beginning. In our minds, if you are not making the effort to look your best when we barely know each other, we dread the thought of what you’ll look like a couple of months into the relationship.
Me and my 2 years girlfriend broke up in August because she felt that I don’t need her. I basically do all the don’ts that were outlined. I was angry back then because she didn’t say the reason she wants to brake up. I did most of the deadly miskates you mentioned above i.e texting, begging, show affection, name calling. What can I do to win her back after what I did?
I been dating this man for 1yr he has pulled away from me 3x. The first two times I felt like I did something wrong to him cuz I never had any man pulled away from me before it was new and I seeked for answers. Right now I’m going through it which is the 3rd I reached out to him so he can see I care but its something that for us women need to get use to if we want our men in our life’s I respect him and my best way to cope with it its to… Read more »
Your articles always leave me teary-eyed, Renee. They are full of brilliant and compassionate insights. You speak of being authentic, you speak of trusting in the infinite perfection of the universe to give back what we put in. You speak of having a pure open hearted connection and leaving our fears at the door. This article made me cry. And I think it’s because it rang so true. We all want to be admired and trusted. I feel like whenever a man fell in love with me, it was after he revealed something shameful to me and I just accepted… Read more »

Hey Sabrina. Great article! I’ve gotta say, the emails I get from you and Eric help a lot. There’s this guy that I met while I was at university, there was definitely a mutual attraction between us but we never acted on it. We’re good friends, but everytime we see each other I feel this spark whenever I’m around him or talk to him. I don’t want to scare him off because I really value his friendship and also I like that I can just be myself around him. He also helped me get through a tough situation a couple of years ago. I’m confused because I get a vibe from him that he wants to be with me but he never says it outright.

It's like with dogs or children — you stick to your guns and you politely, patiently repeat the boundaries until they respect them. He gets it or he gets lost. Period. If you truly start to follow this theory, he'll feel how serious you are about being respected, and if he's at all serious about you, he'll get aboard the good boy train very fast. He'll know that if he doesn't, he'll be left at the station!
my story: met a lousy guy on tinder who promised to pick the stars from the sky for me, we had a few dates and i have to advise all the women out there to be careful especially with guys who get affectionate,caring, and future-planning too soon because it’s a cheap hoax to get the woman into having sex and then dumping her cold-turkey.if they realise the woman won’t have sex with them(like me)they run off and find other ‘candidates’ to lie to.my guy ‘friend-zoned’me to keep me hanging on because he thought that maybe he could one day drag me into the sheets but i ended the whole thing on that creepy liar.additionally i caught him with a few other girls so please ladies:pay attention
Ive recently gotten out of a 2 and a half year realationship and it has torn me to shreds. It drove me crazy cause he didnt give me a reason as to why he left other then he "lost the spark" when he didnt see me and that he "needs to find himself". It drove me mad because he left me four days after spending an amazing weekend with me and 2 days after asking me to go on a trip with him. Knowing him im afraid that even if there is a chance, which i feel deeply in my heart that there must be that hes going to be too stuborn to allow himself to want me. Hes ignoring me when i try to contact for my stuff back. Hes not the type of person to go out and meet someone to have coffee or do anything ever, he wont message me and im afraid that if i leave for a month i wont get my stuff back and i wont be able to get him to see me. We had something so specail that changed the both of us, i feel that he too must still love me as much as i love him considering the way things were before he left. I cant and dont want to wait forever to get ny stuff back, and when i get my stuff that will be my only chance of seeing him. I dont know what to do, and i dont know how i could ever get him to message me and have a conversation even after giving him space. Hes so stuborn and so am i, but ive given into everything. I just really dont know what to do when everything throughout the day makes me think of him and i can no longer sleep at night while he has a new job and is doing perfectly fine ignoring me and everything.
Right on from the man’s perspective. The kind of things like “you’re in the doghouse” is exactly what drives men away. Respect goes both ways in a relationship, and it’s not a battle of the sexes. When women see it as “men vs. women” it’s half over already. It’s not to say men are not jerks — many are. But if the love and connection are strong, then be respectful. If we guys want to have me time or gain some perspectives by retreating, please let us do so instead of making us feel even worse, like we’re scum…. and we will respect more of you, as we also know you need your space too from time to time. A relationship is a fluid thing and we need to adjust and adapt. Mostly, we need to respect each other.

@ Jackie if a guy ever tell you to STOP calling/texting him give him just what he asking you for which is no contact It seems to me he got what he wanted sex from you and was No longer interested in anything other that. I know as a woman it hurts to be treated like that it happens but learn from it, next time take more time to get a real feeling of what a guy true intentions are in my opinion 1 month is too soon to give a guy your precious body too he obviously has moved on and so should you. Keep in mind he may reappear but you have to be a Strong woman and not go back to his way of treating you distancing himself from you be more available for the right guy to come into your life. Forgive him and dont look back go on with your life.
For example, if your man loves football and playing poker, that doesn’t mean you have to start loving football and playing poker too. By all means, you can take an interest in it but if it isn’t something you enjoy then don’t pretend it is. Just be your true self; if you want to cry watching a movie then cry, if you want to sing in the shower then sing or if you love the ballet than tell him.
He knows I hate when he ignores me and sometimes I feel he does it purposely. It will only be a few hours so I know I’m also being irrational but during those times I completely get beside myself thinking he’s with the woman he slept with. Last night I went to his house and he basically kicked me out at 2am bc he was doing paperwork (taxes). He called me crackw%^*# and a liar, I’m not even sure why he would call me such filth and told me I’m too independent and I need to learn to be more submissive. Instead of arguing I should be making him dinner and cleaning his house. Other times he adores and worships the ground I walk on. This all started when I wouldn’t move in to his house bc I felt if he truly wanted to live together we could move into another house together. Plus he absolutely hates my dog, my apartment and basically everything I do. I ask him why he’s even with me if I have according to him so many “hang ups”. Advice please.
It would be a good idea to fact find a bit more about her current situation (from mutual friends, etc), such as whether she may be seeing anyone, if she's going through a rough time, or anything that may be a reason for her hot/cold attitude towards you. There's also a chance that she is facing internal conflict between meeting you and getting reminded of both good and bad times from the past.
Stop trying to get your ex back if the relationship was toxic or abusive. It might feel temporarily lonely or even boring to be on your own after the end of a tumultuous relationship, but try to ride that feeling out instead of going back to your ex. On again, off again relationships tend to be based on unhealthy patterns that won't go away. Resist the temptation to jump right back in when you know you're better off without him.
My ex broke up with me 2 moths a go,after 4 years of relationship and 2.5 years happily living together,me and him come from difference part of the world and the religion, well non of this didn't matter from the beginning, I left my country go and stay with him 2 months happily, and then he ask me to go back and study the language and the religion which I was happy to do for him, I fly back home and start arranging our small wedding becoz be promise me that we will be coming to marry me 3 months of time, but suddenly he change and I felt that so I ask him then he broke up with me over a text msg, i beg him, I call him, million time nothing happened,He show me he is sad as well but this way is better, now he block me from everywhere, I love him so much and i can't move on, plz help
Long relationships may often end without a major argument or issue, but simply because the spark was lost and both parties just ended up fading into the background. It's good that you have goals to regain your self-confidence and independence, and usually, this would trigger emotions on your ex's end to reminisce about what he has lost, especially when it's made apparent.

It's always better to be late than never realizing the mistakes made at all. You definitely didn't ruin your chances or made a mistake in texting him about no contact, and as you've said, no contact should ultimately be for your benefit as its meant to pick yourself up from the breakup and become a better version of yourself, which should in turn convince your ex to come back when he sees the changes.
Today, more women are making the household financial decisions, and if you’re the primary breadwinner, you’re twice as likely to be the family’s financial decision-maker. While a division of financial duties might seem smart from a time standpoint, relationships typically work best when you’re both involved, regardless of earning levels. Financial collaboration achieves various objectives:
We explained earlier how keeping your emotions in check is critical to making this period of no contact work. I know how easy it is to backslide and fall into our familiar patterns. This isn’t just the case with relationships either. Just think about how it normally goes for you when you’re starting anything new: a new low-carb diet, a new bedtime, mediation, a new workout routine, etc.

It was good, but the toxic feelings from the first breakup followed us wherever we went. Mary had let go of that fun-in-the-sun, summer-fling, freewheelin’ attitude I had desperately tried and failed to bring to our last relationship. She had made new friends and learned valuable lessons since our breakup, the biggest one being that guys who try to hold on to their high school ex-girlfriends are as dumb as they are stupid.
I’m sure that you’ve heard the saying the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence quite a few times before. It is very very relevant to love and relationships as well. After being with someone for a long time it is easy to be tempted by something new or to get bored! Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you can easily find someone better!
And that’s it. You don’t ask him for anything. You also continue dating other men until you have the commitment that makes you happy. I know this is hard, but trust me when I say you are doing the best thing you possibly can to ensure your happiness. No man should ever feel like he’s your man of choice, he’s your “One,” or that you’re only seeing him. Not until he’s committed.
I have been seeing a guy for just about a year. His job is giving him a lot of stress and he became much more distant. For a whole year, he never missed a good morning or night text. We never texted all day long as we are both busy but that one morning text we sent each other was just enough to let us both know we were thinking of one another. His stopped pretty abruptly. My initial reaction was to panic and I did in a way but didn’t let him see that. Last weekend he apologized for not texting me so much but to trust that he still loves me. I was a bit stumped because I never once verbalized anything about the non texting issue, so I wondered why he would say that. I asked him if he would prefer me not text him at all during the week ( which I never did anyway, only one morning text and maybe a “have a good afternoon”) and he said yes, unless it was important.
I am going to warn you now.  You will be possessed by this intense desire to contact him.  If only you could talk to him, you think, you would just explain everything and all would be forgotten.  Well, it seldom works that way.  Chances are your efforts will be ignored which will just make you feel worse.  Or you will successfully reach your ex boyfriend and he and you will end up having a heated or disappointing conversation, leaving you feeling bad and rejected yet again.  It’s almost always a no win situation because neither one of you are well equipped right now to deal with your emotional states.  So just cool your heels and keep reading!
Hey Kelly, pretty much the same here.. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years, I moved in with him after a few months because everything was going great and he wanted to spend more time together. I was aware he was OCD, and he was aware that I was not a neat person. I live in clutter. My parents live in the country so we didn’t have anyplace to dispose of unwanted items/clothes or garbage. (We burn our garbage) anyway that’s how my life was, and it became a habit to be cluttery. I had More things than I needed, I never got rid of anything old. And I have issues with my own family where nobody talks to anybody. I was extremely close to my parents because we never had anybody else. Anyway, I told my boyfriend before I moved in that I was messy and made him promise not to ever give up on me, to be patient and to motivate me because I’m not self motivated unless it comes to work. At home I’m lazy and relax, I am not active. Lately he’s been dealing with a lot of stress, massive amounts of overtime for the past couple months and his parents left to live in a state 5 states away from us down south. Communication with them has become harder because of Hurricanes & their busy schedules. So as a result he became depressed. Our only friend and neighbor we hungout with slowly became depressed too, and she stopped hanging out with us. Our world got smaller, just me & him. And he stopped doing ANYTHING pretty much. He was sleeping a lot and I can’t recall before our breakup any time we spent together (aside from going to a wedding & to get a friend of his who stayed for a week.) AND WE LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE. I feel his depression was a result of his own actions, he stopped doing things he use to. And me not having a job made me cling to every second we spent together. Just everything came crashing down on us. I feel we didn’t fail each other like he thinks, because we are both different. But rather I feel we just were going through a rough patch that happens with couples. The honeymoon wore off. We had to put effort in now because things were depressing and not easy. And he thought it was underlining issues so he no longer wanted to work things out. I hope you two fixed things. How are you?
 Change up your look. Making small changes to your hair or wardrobe can have a huge impact on your overall confidence and make you feel good about yourself. In fact, tweaking your external appearance can, amazingly, inspire the courage you need to make more substantial changes. Something as simple as honing your personal style can eventually lead to actions and choices that can improve your energy, satisfaction, and joy in life. Investing time and energy in making small improvements to your outer appearance makes you feel joyful, confident, and entirely yourself and will only lead to good things.
My name is Alli and I was with my boyfriend for about 4 years. He broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago because he found out I had been using his debit card to get my nails, buy clothes and also pay for my car. I never stole his card though. He would always give it to me on the weekends to go to the grocery store and buy booze if we were having people over. He makes a lot more money they I do so he never had an issue with it. He also gave me his PIN and trusted me. I honestly did not spend a lot but once he found out he kicked me out. At first I was so sad and still am but I now know what i did was beyond awful and a breach of trust. He did the right thing and I dont know if I will ever be able to forgive myself. He told me that he cares and loves me but If i truly care for him I will give him space and he will reach out when ready. I have no contacted him since then. I want to everyday but I know if I do then I am showing him I do not care about how he feels. He told his parents we are broken up but did not tell them what I did. I am very close with them by the way. He still has all of our pics up on social media and so do I and his parents. I was too ashamed to tell him I was falling behind on my car and embarrassed and thought he wouldn't want to be with me if he found out. I want to pay him back but he says its not about the money it is the trust. His good friend told me after a month to take him to dinner and show him everything I have accomplished (saving money and working on myself). He has handled this entire thing so classy because he could have told everyone what I did or told me to never reach out to him or that we are done forever but he didn't. I know you dont know me or him or us but I want to know what you think. We have never had any huge fights like this before or broken up. We are happy and have so much chemistry together. We both cried when I had to get my stuff and move back into my dads. I know it was very tough for him. Hes such a genuine, good guy that I dont want to lose him or his family. I hope what I did can be forgiven. Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated. I have already been following the no contact rule. Just want to know how to win him back and show him I have changed because I really have been working on myself.

Considering the total length you've been together, you're going to need to give her quite a bit of distance to let her do whatever she feels she needs to do at this point, especially if you were her first love and she may potentially be going through a mid-life crisis. Under these circumstances, the greater you push, the more she'll resent you because if she feels this strongly about wanting her independence, she'll feel just as strongly against anyone who interferes with it.
Hi Shikha, no judgement here but I do have to caution you in such situations that while it was no fault of yours for falling in love with him, more often than not in these situations, the married person would usually choose their wives due to the complications that follow if they decide to get a divorce. It becomes simpler to work their marriage out than to risk losing everything in the process. If you're mentally prepared for that, no contact is the most appropriate action for now, but it would typically be longer than the usual 30 days. You'll probably have to do no contact and take the risk of letting him work his marriage out, and if it fails a second time, that's when you reach out to be there for him.
Many relationships go through a loss of attraction after being together for some time. You have to figure out and comprehend the reasoning behind this loss of attraction, and whether there are ways you can go about turning it around to re-ignite the flame he once had for you. 30 days should be enough considering that the relationship didn't end on a terrible note.
Ladies…all I can say is if you feel insecure about your looks then make yourself more attractive for YOU! Not for a man. There’s nothing that increases a woman’s feelings of insecurity more than doing something to herself FOR a man, or for the purpose of attracting men. It may make you feel confident and powerful in the short term, but that feeling doesn’t last if your focus is on doing it for him. Your purpose should be feeling better about yourself and increasing your own confidence regardless of men. What men seem to forget is that women are not on this earth solely for their pleasure. How you feel about yourself should be totally independent of what men think.
I was in 2 years long relationship with my ex, including one year of long distance. He broke up with me 3 months ago saying he is not ready for commitment and settle in one year because it was supposed to be one year longer the long distance relationship. We had some fights lately, due to lack of contact it was hard to catch him, I wasnt my best too I was picking on him sometimes when it was no needed. I tried to win him back but he didnt want to. We dont speak for over a month now and soon will be my birthday. I find out on social media that he is licking some girls face and that they are cooking together. What should I do? Can I still win him back? I know what mistakes I made and I was in process of chagning myself but I dont know if should I reach to him? What was the actual reason, he said he is not ready but he is clearly making connection with this girl.
Now, I’m bit bummed because I can’t seem to find any advice about the opposite situation: what if the guy is showing you more commitment than you can handle? Not in a creepy first-date-“let’s marry and have babies”, but in a solid 3-months-“I care about you and want to see where this is going, and I’d like to move in together and five it a try”. I want that too, just… not for another year or so (it’s actually a LD relationship, I put the details in a recent forum post called “Anxious about playing house”). Any advice? :)
Thank you, Ray. I needed a male’s perspective, I’m hurt & all my girl friends are angry, so I can relate to almost all of these posts. I have been with a man that “needs his space” & needs a woman to be understanding about it. It’s hard for me because although we have been in a relationship for just a week over a year, I’ve been in love with him for 20. We had a 2 year off & on thing back then & I was very young & I did not understand him back then. Although I understand him now, it still hurts, & the fear is always there, nagging at me, bringing up thoughts like, is he wanting to see someone else? Am I the one pushing him away with my feelings? Why does he not love me the way I love him? Always wondering if there is someone else, but never really believing it. He told me from day one (a year ago) how he was, & I guess I decided back then I loved him enough I could handle his occasional distance & that I had enough love to push through it.
Wow!! All I can say is thank you for writing. You have an awesome way of saying things, straight to the point no BS. This is what people need I tell all my friends about anew mode, lol I even quote some things you say on Facebook. I’ve been married for twelve years and I love reading your articles because it makes me a better person, wife lover!! Thanks again!
Me and my ex boyfriend has been dating for 4 months when I got pregnant with his first child. I instantly didn’t want the baby because I was afraid or had fear that he would leave me like my first baby father. He has a hard time expressing himself and communicating so I didn’t know until now that I truly broke his heart when I aborted our baby! I want to make things better and get a second chance with being him but he says it broke him! Then he started talking with this other female of course me being jealous and her because he was barely their for me emotionally after the abortion I slapped and hit him a few times out of hurt/emotion of him moving on so fast ! I know to follow the guidelines but I’ve asked him multiple times what are we doing where are we going with this, and he says I’m being pushy and pressuring him to be back with me. And I do not want him to do that .. I want him to make his decision based off the love he had for me in the beginning but I also don’t want to come second to the female he is dealing with. How do I fall back and careless about us getting back together? Or should I just move on completely knowing that I broke his heart after aborting our baby? He said it was worse than someone cheating on him. I’m just so confused
After a few months, the calls and texts slowed down, I was still visiting, but not sure where I stood with him,I would text, and his responses weren’t the same as before, I started to think he wasn’t interested anymore, he would sometimes bring up the fact that he is not able to like or love someone on the emotional level, I felt like he was backing off. I just got back 2 days ago and while I was there I asked him if he liked me or had feelings for me, he looked sad but said no he doesn’t have feelings for me and he can’t like anyone because he doesn’t like himself. He would say “just keep being my friend”. I am heart broken over it….

The surprise does not have to be expensive, mind you.  Sure, a surprise weekend away to Paris will likely get you major points, but the surprise can also be as simple as booking an activity such as a cooking class without her knowledge.  It is the act of taking the initiative to plan something creative and fun – and doing it entirely on your own – that lets her know she’s got a keeper.
Peter also switched from "awfulizing" about his work situation from a stance of helpless victim to taking a problem-solving stance. What could he do to find a more positive work situation? He began networking with others in his field, stumbled on a job that sounded far more suitable, applied, and at this point is looking likely to get the position.  
Do you have negative thoughts about your relationship? Do you keep feeling that your partner is going to desert you? Researchers have noticed that unhappy couples tend to focus more on the negative aspects of their relationships. If you find yourself a victim of this kind of feeling for certain actions of your partner, then the next time you have such thoughts, try to rationalize it with some neutral explanation for the action.

Too often women try to change men into something that they really are not. Before you embark on your commitment campaign ask yourself if he is the committment type. This will make your job much easier and save you a lot of embarassment and trouble down the line. If the guy wants to settle down with you, he will and sometimes the only thing that changes his mind is you telling him that he needs to. If he is not the type that wants to settle down do not put yourself on a high pedestal like so many women and get yourself believing that he played aaround with adozen women before you but you are the special one that he needs. Again twisting his arm is not necessary if you nand he are on the same page. If he really wants to settle down, he will withoung the convincing. Just dont allow him to settle when he seems out of options.

We ran into each other randomly about five years later. I was stunned to see him (he was in my house of all places, someone brought him to a party there and he had no idea he’d be seeing me!). I could barely speak I was so nervous. We chatted for a bit, then he messaged me on Facebook a few days later and we talked for hours and hours, I was positive that this was the beginning of round two for us, but then he went dark again. A few more years went by and we ran into each other again. Once again I had soaring high hopes… and then was crushed again when nothing came of it (I found out later he had a girlfriend at the time).
So me and my ex have been going out for ten months and about 5 days ago she said she was unhappy about how ive been treating her the last few weeks (no effort etc), i have very important exams coming up that she knew about which i need to revise for and have accidently distnaced myself from her because of them, i asked her why she didnt say anyrhing sooner and she said 'i wanted to see if anything changed' in the following 2 days she broke up with me and shes just changed her profile picture to something not with us in, she lives very far away 250 miles but i go down as often as i can to see her but its hard at the moment due to these exams and my stress, it seems all rushed and like shes serious but i dont think shes had time to rationalise it properly can you help?!

Perhaps it would be good for you to also do the same, and show him that you're doing just as well. If he's lost the spark with you over the course of the relationship and you want him back, you're going to have to find a way to re-create that spark again (physical attraction, emotional attraction, etc) and your best chance would be when you meet him again to pick your stuff up.
Hi, I’m currently going through the painful process of a messy breakup. I actually did a few of not all the mistakes from step number one(mostly because he didn’t even wait 24hrs after our breakup to start talking to other girls..) Eventually, he texted today that he was sorry from the bottom of his heart and if he had it his way he would still date me but he also said that we just need to stop talking completely for “both of a sakes” because I was “too invested in him” . He said that he was a burden and I although I do love him, and I would only like to be with him later on. I want to do this. I just don’t know if I’d be blocked by the time I do end up contacnting (maybe a couple months from now). I read this article, and it honestly helped me a lot. A lot of these, I had already thought about but this just reinforces that this is what I should do to heal myself. Thank you for it!
WOW! WOW! WOW! Guys, seriously this article should be preached (especially the fourteenth one haha). My boyfriend and I are together for two years now and he’s taking me to prom this year. So excited I’m gonna pass out!!! He’s a pretty tough guy and you gotta have patience with him, but he sure knows how to pull some romance tricks on me like flowers before school or my biggest addiction – chocolate. And now I can pay him back.
Without literally telling him verbally, give your man a few good reasons why he shhould commit. Ensure that you are the type of woman that he wants before you think about a committment. Evaluate the relationship and see if you are both happy and willing to take it a few steps further. Be what he wants without forcing yourself to; be his happy place, his pillar of support. Contrary to what many people think, being able to wash, cook and clean are not the basic foundations of what makes a man happy and lean towards commitment. If you are seen as a great companion who he has to lean on at the end of his day, forcing him to commit will never be an option.
Maybe he texts you a generic, “Hey, how are you?” If he really misses you, he might even call. Or, maybe you text or call (but remember, this is after a period of no contact that lasts at least four weeks). At this point, there are no hard and fast rules to follow. In fact, there are no rules when it comes to dating in general. Remember before when we talked about people putting on deodorant and perfume on to disguise body odor instead of taking a bath first… well, that’s the same as employing rules that don’t align with where you truly are mentally.
The information contained herein is obtained from sources believed to be reliable, but its accuracy or completeness is not guaranteed. This article is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of SageVest Wealth Management and should not be construed as investment advice. All expressions of opinions are subject to change and past performance is no guarantee of future results. SageVest Wealth Management does not render legal, tax, or accounting services. Accordingly, you, your attorneys and your accountants are ultimately responsible for determining the legal, tax and accounting consequences of any suggestions offered herein.
good food for thought dave. my partner is 53 and divorced twice. so having his assetts split twice, and in second marriage time splitting with his son. i commend his bravery for taking the courage to still take the risk for seeking companionship with me. (who has also experienced both divorce once and child access splitting) we reassure each other that our assetts and finances are to remain our own, and up to self choices made for how much is shared towards gifts and/or meals etc neither of us want each other to be in our past experiences ever again,… Read more »

If you think this is one of those times then you are in the right place. This guide is all about getting that one last chance to make things right. This guide will give you the knowledge that you need to get your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back and keep them. If your relationship still doesn’t work, then you can rest assured that this relationship wasn’t meant to be. But if it works, you will be glad that you took the time to read these 3 steps.


There may be many unresolved feelings he hasn't dealt with since officially breaking up as he continued to distract himself, first with you and subsequently with the new girl. That new person has probably helped him detach himself from the lingering feelings of you since he has someone new to focus on, but if it's genuinely a rebound, it won't be long before he begins to think about you again, especially if since the breakup, you've been spending time focusing on self-improvement and making changes to your life.
Hey! I’m 19& I may have a crush on this guy who approached me in WhatsApp! I was distant at first cuz that’s what I’m like with strangers ,especially guys, who tries to talk to me even when I make it clear that I don’t want to have a conversation with them. But now its been two months and turns out he is not some stranger, he is in same college as me and we have two out of four classes together.

Hi, I’m Summer. My boyfriend and I recently broke up about 5 days who. It was pretty mutual. We both haven’t felt as happy as we used to lately, which I regret ever feeling that way. I just wanted to work things out, but he supposed a breakup was better for us. Now that we’re not together nothing feels right and I feel like I’ve lost my other half. We bith agreeed to remain friends but obviously it’s not the same. I’m currently starting with no contact which is super difficult since I ran into him yesterday. We asked how each other were and as I walked away he opened his arms to hug me. I was surprised. I would just like some advice as to rekindle our romantic relationship and be with him, for good.


So my girlfriend dumped me 4 days ago. She said that she has been unhappy for awhile and that I cant fix it. I know she loves me and I cherish her more than life. But she keeps saying she doesnt know what she wants and that she needs time away to find happiness. I was upset so I did message her quite a bit and sent her flowers. After reading this I have stopped talking to her to give her time. I will do anything it takes to win her back. We were together 2 and a half years. Do I still have a chance and if so what should I do and when will will it be okay to message her to begin talking again?

So it was a deadly suprise that all of the sudden he texted the day after we both said good night and how we love each other, saying he had confusing feelings about the relationship and a few hours later ended it over text saying that he doesn't want to lose me and he "loves me a lot" and that if we continued it would increase our chances of getting into a huge arguement and ending our relationship in a horrible way. So he ended it and we ended in a good way like he wanted and remained friends because he doesn't want to lose me.
I need advice though. During one breakup he slept with someone else and came back saying how he realized he was in love with me etc. Although we were technically broken up we were still seeing and spending time with each other. Also being intimate. I’m really trying to move past this but his most recent pulling away has made me insecure and really psycho. We’re both older 39 and 41 professionals. His job is much more consuming and he has a lot in his life right now but says I add additional stress when really I just need reassurance (I know I have my own issues).
Thank u so much your email and articles I have been reading are great.! That are helping me realize that the relationship I’m in is not healthy. I meet this guy from a really good friend of mine.! He is a retired marine he is very different from the guys I’ve dated. Which is very different me, my parents like him a lot. But we argue alott. He says I have no discipline in my life he blames me for all the arguments we have, and its always my fault. I feel happy at moments but it seems I have to be very careful of what I say and do or how I act when I’m with him. He has left the house like 6 times.He says he really loves me but I don’t think he does. Or maybe I’m just trying to hard for this relationship to work which is not going to go anywere! Any advice will be greatly appreciated thank u very much.:)
To be honest I don’t think he is scared to take the next step. I do think he likes you and has feelings for you but it seems to me that you are not setting boundaries and voicing your opinion and standards in this relationship so he will eventually take you for granted. I know this isn’t the answer you want to hear but I am here to give you the truth through years of experience. Right now, he has you when he wants you and he does not have anything pushing him to be with you. Some questions I would ask is why does it not bother you that he is touchy feely with other women? Becuase you don’t want to push him away? Or Don’t want to come off bossy, controlling, or needy? If so, then this will push a man away because he will take you for granted. Now, if you are open to open relationships then that’s ok too. Just trying to touch all bases here. But moving forward you need to know your good enough and not an option to this man. Go radio silent for 30 days! Also, challenge yourself to do some new activities to keep your mind busy. I know this will be hard but do this. 🙂 I invite you to reach out to me for a coaching session too if you would like so we can get some actions into play.

So if you have worked hard to bring your ex boyfriend back into the picture and progress is being made on multiple communication fronts, then take an opportunity and drop him a little not.  Nothing over the top.  Nothing about making a relationship commitment. You don’t want to spook your ex bf. We will talk about that in another post.  Just something that cements you enjoyed yourself.  Keep it light!


One of the most devastating mistakes you can make is trying to force it to work with a guy who is wrong with you. I’ve seen people spend years of their life trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. Everyone in their life tells them to just move on and let him go but they can’t. Why? Because they don’t have clarity or any objectivity because they are still sucked into the emotional whirlpool and have yet to break themselves free. <<<<
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