I’m doing no contact and it’s giving me perspective and I’m working on my own emotions and self esteem and realising a lot about myself. I feel like if we both hadn’t been going through stuff and because of the distance. In a way although this is hard I see it as a blessing as it’s made me make changes mainly in the way I feel I don’t think I would have otherwise. I do want to talk to him again and I care about him but doing no contacts as much for him as it is myself. I don’t want to talk to him from a place of blame but one of giving and what I want to give is my confidence, mysetry, joy and best self and love myself completely so I can give them my best self. I really don’t want him out of my life despite what’s happened and am going to work on becoming my most attractive, happy, radiant and confident. You’ve seen so many people in this situation do you think it would be the right thing I’ve ive had and given him more space to talk to him I really want to and what would the best way of going about it?
That being said, and long story short, my temper got the better of me when I started feeling neglected... again. I’m not proud of this, I am ashamed. I acted the same way I would act before. I was so certain I had left that part go during no contact. I know the whole point of no contact period is to work on myself and I did! I swear. Apparently it wasn’t enough? I’m not sure. But after being affectionate, cuddling, sex, the openness of sharing everything, to all of a sudden seeing her so distant again, I guess I just panicked. She was as she was when we were about to break up. NO EXCUSES. I fucked up, plain and simple.
Julia you hit the nail on the head I feel the same way .too many times i have heard its all the woman”s fault let him have his pity party while we set back and feel like crap because they cant handle emotions .well personally i think men should stand up and face things they are no more emotional then we are we need space and time too but do they let us? yes by never coming back because they didnt get the cake and eat it too so they go on to the next and next and the first poor women is left picking up the peaces while him and new women are flying high .i think we need to stop babying them
So when I hear someone tell me “I want my ex back because they are the most amazing person in the world and quite possibly my soul mate” I always remind those people that they are pretty amazing too! If your ex fell for you, if you were able to inspire and seduce them the first time around, it means that you have tons of qualities to offer as well.
Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke ip 1 month ago. I am 27 and he is 26. He is in the coast guard and he lives in Maryland and I am in NYC. We have been LDR since the beginning, but he only joined the Coast Guard 1 year ago. I have been doing No Contact for 3 weeks now. He was the one who broke up with me and after we broke up he was texting me days afterward nice and positive text messages. Since I have started NC he hasn’t reached out via text but still like some of my stuff on Social Media and is looking at it. We broke up because he felt like he loved me but wasn’t as in love with me anymore and that maybe we were on 2 different paths. He also said “maybe we can get back together one day. My parents got back together after they broke up,” my question is is 30 days of NC good enough or should I go longer? I have been making positive changes in my life, but since things ended so positively I have been confused.
Im in the current situation right now… He wants space for me being paranoid for past few weeks.. I really dont know wat to do, he is so busy and stressed from work.. He asked for space, i ask him if he is breaking up with me he said no he just need time and space for the meantime… Need your advice please… I dont want us to be apart i really love him..
Me and my exboyfriend for almost 3 years, we even made plans for getting marry, how the ceremony was gonna be and even picked our Kids name in case I get pregnant in the future. He told me that has been texting with another women that he met on internet for over 7 weeks and he said that nothing happened because she lives in another state but still that he had thought about cheating on me. He told me that he can’t forgive himself for what he did to me and it seems that he also kind of lost interest in me because he says that when I text him or call him he preferred doing something else than that until I call him again and then he will pick up the call. Because of work I moved to another country till February of next year and we were working pretty good in the long distance relationship and planned that once I was done with that we were gonna move together. He says that he still loves me but that what he did to me is not fair, that the name I started dating years ago was a good guy that was always proud of himself about being a good boyfriend and now he doesn’t wrong why went wrong. He asked me for some break time and when I asked how long I have to wait, he said that he doesn’t know and that I should keep living my life. I still have my personal belongings in his house so anytime I’m gonna have to talk to him about it. I still love him even with what he did to me and I knew he was depressed so I kind of understand but I don’t know what should I do. I’m going back on May 2019.
I met a guy on a dating app and we hit it off right away, the first date we kissed and had a ton in common which is so rare for me. Things moved quickly from there and we were seeing eachother one a regular basis (2-3 times a week), texting daily and I stayed at his place every weekend. He planned great dates and would regularly follow up to make plans. Although on one hand I started to really fall for him, I did have some concerns about his communication. When I asked questions about his past, he was very vague about his previous relationships and closed off to discussing them. He also seemed not very experienced with dating/sex which I didn't mind. He told me he had not had a girl friend in high school or university and had been single for 5 years (so most of his life he has been single). That is the most I got out of him.
I was devastated for a few days and cried and begged and pleaded but afterwards I realised it was a stupid idea. Then I started accepting the break but still had thoughts like 'maybe his depression affected his decision' or 'maybe when we meet, he'll rethink it.' He was academically smart but not emotionally smart and I was the other way. It took him a long time to figure out that he liked me too when we were best friends. I also realised it's a stupid idea to think that way because he made his intentions clear for now. I apologised for my actions after the breakup and told him that I'll try my best to be his best friend but...
Guy, yeah it might be easier if you just avoid the situation. Everything’s easier if you just run away from it. It’s not right though and a very childish way of ending things. There’s something to be said for a bit of honesty. If you ignore the person rather than saying “I’m no longer interested” it shows that you’re not honest. It says more about you than it does about the girl who you’ve just left out of the blue. Been out with a few guys who for some reason or another have realised that it’s not what they want and they were honest about it. Didn’t like it because I really liked them so was a bit hurt but I got over it eventually.
So when your lady is stressed, just let her vent.  When she starts into it, give her good eye contact, show concern, support and ask her…”Do you want me to listen right now or do you want me to help you solve this?”  She will tell you what she wants and you need to stay true to her request.  Make sure she has said everything she wants to by asking, “Is there anything else you need to tell me? Do this and you’ll create amazing connections with the women in your life.
I was with my ex for 1 year and 3 months. Before our one year anniversary he told me he doesn’t feel the same way about me as he did before. He just said he fell out of love with me. I begged for him to stay and he stayed with me. Our relationship seemed fine but then in January he became super distant and I had a feeling he cheated on me so I asked him and he was honest about it. We broke up for a day then we got back together and on February16th he broke up with me. Almost every time I saw him before that I made the mistake of trying to figure out why he didn’t love me and how to fix it. I kept asking him serious questions and answers to fix the problem. I thought it would magically make him love me again. After he broke up with me I begged for him to stay for about a week and I am now trying no contact. Will no contact work? Should I just give up? Is it too late? I love him do much

My boyfriend and I broke up March 26th. We got in a huge fight and I said some mean things. I pretty much begged my way back to him. That lasted a month. During that month, he was very distant and wouldn’t really make plans with me. Mind you, before we started dating we were best friends for a year. He broke up with me one week ago. We didn’t talk for 3 days until we ran into each other at a concert. He was a little drunk, so i took care of him. He texted me the next morning and we talked for a bit, the next day i asked him if he wanted to see the new Deadpool movie. His response was “maybe” he then said maybe some space would do us good. And we haven’t talked since. He told me when he saw me that he “didn’t love me like that” anymore. Do you think i have a chance? Should i spend time working on me, and then contact him and try to get our friendship back and then hope we get back together? Or should i just move on? I really love him and want to be with him, he is still my bestfriend after all.
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If you find that you never ever want space from him, it’s time for you to start finding your own space anyway. It’s not healthy for couples to spend all their time together. It can cause you to neglect your friends, family, and self. You can start to rely too much on this man (and, in my mind, you always need just a dose of independence for yourself) and lose your identity.
The only way to have a good relationship is if you demand a good relationship from him. If you don’t and give him everything he wants in an attempt to get him back, you’re sabotaging the relationship and destroying your chances with him. Not to mention, completely undervaluing yourself, which will deeply impact your self-esteem. Now I don’t mean you say, “Give me a good relationship or else!” It’s not an actual demand. You “demand” it by being a woman of value, by being a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to walk away if she’s not getting it. You don’t have to say anything at all, it just comes across.
Hey girl! so, Birsel-love, dear, while I’m no expert in the area of love, (I dont consider myself one at least) but, from women to women, from girl to girl, I would be of most happy to service you on my advice on this. Can I? May I? please? if so, then carry on, read, but honestly, if not, at least, at the bare minimum, would you mind considering this just a little? ‘kay? thank you, I appreciate your thoughtfulness, even if i don’t get to see you reading this, its a step.❤ ( WAY BELOW, AFTER THE DOT LINE, IS some expert ADVICE: check it out; she’s yrs married now)

There may be something missing from your relationship that means you two aren’t communicating properly and feelings aren’t getting exchanged as they used too. Taking some time to refocus your energy back on the relationship and remember why you two got together in the first place is a huge way you can make him miss you. Send old photos of the best memories you two have together or just organize something that you both can do. Spend some time rekindling and being together when you can. Then when you both go and separate again he will miss you and the time he’s spent with you. It’s not always possible to be together but if it is then you should try.

And while we’re talking about jealousy, you should also try to refrain from reacting if he posts a picture with a girl, or likes a girl’s social media posts, or even if he starts dating a girl. Jealousy is ugly, unattractive, and destructive. Maybe you’re hurt that he seems to be moving on, but lashing out at him is not going to swing the pendulum back in your favor. And you really don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s a rebound fling, maybe the girl in the picture is his cousin, who knows and who cares? This is not where you should be putting your attention at the moment.

Ladies…all I can say is if you feel insecure about your looks then make yourself more attractive for YOU! Not for a man. There’s nothing that increases a woman’s feelings of insecurity more than doing something to herself FOR a man, or for the purpose of attracting men. It may make you feel confident and powerful in the short term, but that feeling doesn’t last if your focus is on doing it for him. Your purpose should be feeling better about yourself and increasing your own confidence regardless of men. What men seem to forget is that women are not on this earth solely for their pleasure. How you feel about yourself should be totally independent of what men think.
The glossy magazines that litter the newsstands do a real disservice to you all by defining beauty in such a narrow way. A quick flip through the pages and it’s boringly obvious that most of the models and celebrities featured in these magazines are really a variation on the same theme. The truth for us men, however, is that beauty is diverse and idiosyncratic. (Great news for you.) Some of us want the well-endowed woman, while others are repulsed by the surgically enhanced. Some of us want tall and slim, while others want short and curvaceous. Some of us want you to have some “junk in the trunk,” while others want it small and tight. There really is some truth to the saying, “There’s a lid for every pot.” The challenge for most women, however, is finding that fit.

Your guy should trust you. Each relationship will open up differently and there will be times of passion and times of quiet. When you come to a fuller understanding of each other’s needs your relationship will deepen and get serious. In most cases, giving your partner space doesn’t mean he’s taking advantage of you. Keep your mind open, your expectations high, and your heart ready. Falling in love is hard work.
Let’s say one night you decide to watch home movies from an old-fashion projector. You put in a video of you at 5 years old playing at your first recital. You curl up on the couch with popcorn and hot chocolate (two of your favorite things) and begin to watch. Unfortunately, there appears to be a weird blemish in the video, so you decide to change it and put on a video of your 10th birthday party but somehow the blemish is in that video too. So, you run over to the wall, wipe the screen, and put in one more video… yet again, the spot is still showing up.
So basically I met someone, we got on really well, we had a connection and after a week I went to America, once I went to America, things went a bit weird. When I got back he wouldn’t meet up with me because he said he had a lot going on in his mind. Anyway after a month coming back, we met up, we slept with each other, I gave him massages and etc, things were still weird, met up again and slept with him again and now he’s kinda backed off. Like one min he’s okay and one min he’s really cold towards me. I used to ask him what’s the sketch with your ex, he used get so defensive about it. I’ve only known him since mid March but I was so fond of him and feel so down. Please can you give me advice? He hasn’t contacted me since couple of days.

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”
My boyfriend and I broke up March 26th. We got in a huge fight and I said some mean things. I pretty much begged my way back to him. That lasted a month. During that month, he was very distant and wouldn’t really make plans with me. Mind you, before we started dating we were best friends for a year. He broke up with me one week ago. We didn’t talk for 3 days until we ran into each other at a concert. He was a little drunk, so i took care of him. He texted me the next morning and we talked for a bit, the next day i asked him if he wanted to see the new Deadpool movie. His response was “maybe” he then said maybe some space would do us good. And we haven’t talked since. He told me when he saw me that he “didn’t love me like that” anymore. Do you think i have a chance? Should i spend time working on me, and then contact him and try to get our friendship back and then hope we get back together? Or should i just move on? I really love him and want to be with him, he is still my bestfriend after all.
Every relationship is a power struggle. It may not sound very good to hear and you may not agree but that’s how I see it. You can believe in love, compassion and valuing your partner and still understand that at some point it becomes a power struggle between you and the person you love; in order to live out a type of relationship that mirrors who you are and your values.
Planning things in a workplace might be productive, but you need to understand that planning things in a relationship might prove to be counterproductive. There isn’t anything wrong in maintaining standards. There are some women who have the habit of ticking off everything from the list of traits of their dream partner. They determine if the person is worth going into a relationship by checking on the score of the checklist.
So if your relationship with your ex stayed the same after 6 months or after a year (in other words if it failed to evolve and grow) then it would have violated her desire for progression. It would have made her realize that you are not the guy who’s going to give her a long-term partnership and finally a family. She would then have seen you as a poor suitor, dumped you and gone off to find a guy who shows more signs of commitment.
The energy you put into the relationship is the only thing that matters. Putting in energy doesn’t come from a self-absorbed place, it isn’t attached to feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, anger, rage, resentment. You are outside of yourself and putting energy into giving him that “extra something” that makes you valuable, rare, and inspirational to the guy.

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