Our third attempt—and, you guessed it, the ensuing breakup—was kind of a glitch in the space-time continuum. It was 2009, and at this point I’d realized Mary was not an easy person to please. I coasted through the relationship, and she called me out where other girls I’d been with brushed off my repeated bad behavior. Our second breakup had reinforced the notion that no relationship comes easy and you have to put in the work, but I still sucked.
Hello, me and my ex boyfriend recently broke up about a month ago. Currently I am trying the no contact rule, but it's impossible for me not to see him due to the fact we attend the same workplace. Also we share the same close friends, so sometimes when out with friends he's there and at parties, but we never speak at all during them. A few days after the break up, I wrote him a letter appolising and asking if we could be friends (I think this was a bad idea to do this and I got no reply or anything from him). Also I wrote in the letter that I was okay with his decision to break up, but I wasn't. In a few weeks I want to try and contact him and speak as friends. I would prefer to do this via text as he ignores every call, and as soon as he sees me in person he gets as far away as possible. I just don't know want to say to him after this no contact period, or how to get him to want to talk to me. Could you please help me or give me any advice at all. I would really really appreciate it and be really grateful. I would be so so thankful if anyone could help at all. My email is email@example.com...
When you show a guy that you are a giver and self-less person, he’s going to love you more. Taking the time to help others, says a lot about you. When you volunteer your time at the local hospital, to help collect donations for cancer, or to feed the homeless at Christmas time, you’re showing your guy what a great catch you are. He can’t help but love you more for this.
So stop over-explaining every little thing, stop sharing all of your childhood stories with him, and don’t let him know what you’re doing at all hours of the day. Keep some things to yourself, and it will make him even more curious about who you really are. He will subconsciously know that in order to peel back all of your layers, he needs to take the next step and ask you for exclusivity.
Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”
Now, I know that is easier said than done. Accepting “what is” requires putting down your judgments and assessment of things as good or bad. And, that can be extremely difficult to do especially when society has trained us from birth to call certain things good, righteous, and desirable and other things bad, wrong, or detestable – and has also taught us that being in a romantic relationship is the most noteworthy human accomplishment.
In fact, what’s even better – take pre-emptive action. Every once in a while, YOU take some space before he does. In a relationship, you can usually figure out the pattern – let’s say every 2 weeks he will get distant and seem to need space. So instead of waiting for him to ask for it – you wait 10 days and then you pull back and schedule a weekend with some girlfriends or some volunteer activities or a weekend seminar. YOU be unavailable.
Everything went well…we were soo deep in conversations…but the only thing we did was we dint confide each other that we were in love with each other….i was too afraid to….and he loves texting me often…and he says im damn cute in my photos…pulls my leg often…and we chat day and night…he says im his bestiee…all of a sudden he started replying me in one word texts like ohhh’s and hmm’s which drove me mad….i dunno wat conclusion to make…may be he has found me boring and too available….i love him soo much and it really hurts if he doesn’t chat with me as before….i went offline for a month…and going offline will make him miss me??? Will that make him crave for my presence!! Pls…help me somebody..im dying everyday
Hi so me and my gf of 6 months recently broke up about 3wks ago. We lived close together for the first week of us dating, but then she had to go back hom this summer to do some classes at another college. We stayed super connected and the spark was still there. We FaceTimed and/or texted everyday so we could keep us w/each other. We watched shows and movies together, and we even saw each other physically in between for a little a couple of times. Everything was fantastic and i feel we were on the same page. We were both vulnerable, open and honest with each other. When she came back home to her dorms, I stayed over the night and we did it for the first time. It wasn’t perfect, and I probably wasn’t prepared myself but I was willing to talk the day after since I was comfortable enough with her. After that day she seemed distant and rarely texted me. When I confronted her about it, she finally opened up and said she’s been having connection/emotional issues and she doesn’t know if it’s something that she needs to work on herself for awhile. We met up for coffee a few days later and after we finished talking about some stuff, she brought up just being friends and I stupidly agreed because I figured that’s what she wanted since she had been acting that way. She already had my hoodie and stuff in her bag and gave it to me...which hurt bc she planned that. She still looks at my Snapchat story’s and my instagram daily. I still really like this girl. I know I need to work on being less jumpy and anxious when shit hits the fan. What should I do?
Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. It's not unheard of for a couple to get back together after they've taken time away from each other, so don't give up hope. Just be sure to put plenty of thought into the reasons you broke up before attempting to get back together, as this can help you make the relationship work the second time around.
We had very profound conversations, sharing the most intimate secrets and trusting each other. The physical part was amazing! After I couldn’t withhold my feelings on several occasions (two –three times during these two months) he started to pull back. The invitations to sleep over stopped all of a sudden, he stopped texting me every day and we have not met now for three weeks. I don’t see anything of what he told me before (that I was a different kind of a woman, that he hardly let someone so close to himself, that I am one of the few people he lets touch and hug him, that he cared about me given that he texted me every day, that I am a person worth having closer and that he didn’t want to hurt me). I try to revive things but every time I ask to meet he comes with “Maybe, if you find time although I am going out this weekend” and after going out “I got so drunk, I have a terrible hangover let’s meet another day” (which never comes), or when I ask whether we would meet he says “Let’s go to the cinema!” and then asks “Have you seen the movies? Although there is nothing good..” and it all stops there.
Then, switch things up by missing a phone call or two back-to-back. Your guy will be wondering where you are and what happened to your daily contact. He will start to realize that getting those daily text messages and phone calls are a part of his day that he doesn’t want to live without, and he’ll be dying to be in a committed relationship with you!
I was with my ex for two years, after he propose we decided to have kids, a month later I was pregnant. Then everything goes down since then, all the negative things happened. After I giving birth, he told me he didn't love me anymore. I was depressed and breakdown. and he broke up with me when our son was 3 months old. He has depression and back then he switched off his feelings became extremely cold. now he says he still love me, I was someone special that he wanted to have kids with. we broke up last April, and last December he started a new relationship, they are together still. but the thing is we are still living together for some reasons that we have to for a while, maybe another year.( his gf doesn't live with us) I always keep the house tidy and he appreciates what I have done.
Regardless of how a relationship ends, all breakups result in the same thing: Every guy on the planet -- seriously, every f*cking guy -- will wait until their exes have moved on from their relationships to want their exes back. This fact is so universally predictable that women anticipate and LIVE for the day when they have moved on and feel unaffected by their ex-boyfriends' efforts to win back their love. We basically fantasize about it.
If you are a game player its time to look at the underlying fear that drives your manipulations. Often therapy can really help uncover and help to heal the old hurts that are getting in the way of a healthy future. Learning how to love yourself is a process worth undertaking. Don’t wait until failed adult relationships confirm your fear that you really aren’t worthy of love.
I managed to push him away he has now told me he needs time and space which is killing me inside… We also worked so well together but as soon as we were apart I would think he is cheating on me etc… I now I can see how stupid I was for bringing all the hurt and distrust into this relationship… I just hope I haven’t lost him forever… How are you coping?
Three weeks ago I had birthday and he said he would celebrate with me. Last minute he cancelled due to work so I was very upset:( After that I asked him to not communicate with me because I am angry at him. We went quite for a weeks and later started being in touch but since that time he’s contact me is much less frequent and he never calls me – just text. But he still writes that he loves me so much and he misses me!! I do not understand his behavior… Please tell me what you think…
In helping men and women through issues in their relationships for nearly two decades, I have learned to appreciate that there are significant differences between the sexes. Men tend to get frustrated and dismissive toward women if they cannot quickly resolve their issues. A woman needs to connect and share what’s on her mind as part of letting go of things that are affecting her emotionally. A woman wants to vent and process her feelings. This is part of her makeup and fulfills her emotional needs. Men need to recognize this and be patient.
This may be the best advice. Be happy. Don’t put on a façade. Be happy because you deserve happiness. Have you always wanted to travel to Paris? Book that flight! Have you desired a new career? Go back to school. Want to learn a new talent? Sign up for that painting class. Whatever it is that will make you a happier, healthier you, do it! If your ex sees you living out your dreams, he may miss you and come back. If he doesn’t, one day you will realize you don’t care. Guys really do like happy girls the most because they want to feel good when they're around you. If you're constantly full of drama when he’s around he’s going to start associating feeling bad with being around you and this is going to end things rather quickly. When you’re happy around him he’ll also be more inclined to reach out to you the next time he’s having a bad day.
Want to know the quickest way to get your guy to commit? Hint about your ex popping back into your life, and watch your guy squirm! Even if you blocked your ex from your phone five years ago, you can still casually mention his name if you want to ruffle your guy’s feathers a bit. Simply tell him your ex has been emailing you and hinting at getting back together. Adding a little bit of competition to this dating game definitely won’t hurt!
We met in fb he lived in different country we met in my country when he came to meet his family thats our first meeting and he said nothing to me and being physicall after that he loves me like he not used to we were so happy together after that he went back to his country and his behaviour become wrost day by day he started ignored me he didnt talk with me from many days no night or morning massages as he used to did we have been togather for 4 years but he changed we did breakup but i did again pachup and bear all his attitudes i love him so much what can i do i cant live with out him
He broke up with me first: he said that it was because he felt like we didn’t have a future together, that it felt impossible that i learned the language ( which i was doing), that I was asking for too much of his time, that he didn’t feel like he could do all the things he wanted with his friends. but I couldn’t accept it, I wanted to fight for the love we had, so much, I negociated, I asked for more time, I begged, I told him that if he still loved me it would be worth it. after a day of speaking he said ok. A week after I asked him again ( because I was afraid and I had been walking on eggshells all week), he said that he still had that feeling that we wouldn’t be together forever, but he told me he loved me and he really wanted to work for it, to work on it and make it work! ( i was so happy!)
I know you feel hurt and you probably feel worthless right now because feel like your ex doesn’t want you. You are eager to feel loved and hopefully ‘My ex will know that I’m in another relationship and my ex will feel jealous, and will beg to come back.’ STOP. That’s not self-love. That’s called my-ex-is-still-the-center-of-my-universe. Everything you do is because you want to get your ex back. But actually, everything you do from now on, should be focused on yourself.
big problem here. my ex and I have been broken up for about 2 years. HOWEVER none of his relationships have progressed into anything and have always ended horribly. we have maintained contact since but I was the one who first initiated no contact and he always broke it. I sent him an apology letter in the mail and he and I eventually got back together after our neighbor had a talk with him. my ex suffers from "lone wolf syndrome". he hates any kind of attachment, is extremely stubborn and doesn't like anyone telling him what to do. one common thread is he always comes to me when his relationships fizzle out. I have no idea why because I have always maintained that I agree with being friends with him (since we broke up he insists he just wants to be friends but I HATE IT) and I strive to be the best one he has. I try to build him up and make him feel like he's doing the right thing with his life (when he gets down) and he has been helping me out too. even this past memorial day we had a REALLY good time with my friends (I introduced them to him because he had been feeling down). but recently he's fallen back into his shell because of some really stressful things going on in his life. I had texted him to see if he had wanted to come over and hang out to get away from it and he didn't text me at all. TWO WEEKS passed and I barely heard anything from him other than seeing he had been online. so I texted him saying I felt hurt and neglected and he responded with "I'm sorry you feel that way, I just want to be friends" now I can't stop thinking about what he said and I want to get OUT of the dreaded friendzone and get back to being his girlfriend. advice please! thank you :)...
Even if there was no cheating involved and the relationship seemed perfect, some people just aren't willing to go out of their way to change their lifestyle habits, which seemed like the issue with your ex. If he made no attempt to include you in his personal circle or be part of yours and isn't even willing to compromise, you might want to reconsider if getting back together would be the right thing to do, since this may not change even down the road and you would have to be okay with separately sharing him with his friends and vice versa.
Then, for every ten black women, there are only nine black men in society. Many die young. (Which means that many more have seen their friends die young). Many — but not most — are in prison. Many more are tagged with often scurrilous criminal records they don’t deserve — “resisting arrest” or “suspicious behavior” or “fleeing police in a high-crime area” — which prevents them from being considered for jobs, voting, or feeling like equals to their fellow male citizens.
My point is, this isn’t a trick you pull to “get” someone to commit and then stop. Because the day you stop is the day you give up. It’s the way you live your life together — can you think of a better way than to continue to impress and engage and deserve each other? I can’t. The key is to practice that NOW, not so you can stop doing it when you find someone, but so you can really start.
Two months ago I met a man. We were so attracted to each other that it all happened so fast, on the first date. He warned me that he didn’t want a relationship… I did my best to listen to his feelings, show understanding and get some intimacy and we eventually got close and started meeting every week. I was sleeping over at his house, we were having good time, having sex, doing normal things like cooking and spending the whole weekend together. I knew he had a very problematic past – a father who never married his mother or took any responsibility, a brother from another mother who caused him problems, personal problems with drugs in the past and two broken relationships with 1) bulimic anorexic girl and 2) a girl who cheated on him 10 months ago. I was so good to listen, give him the peace he needed and be very patient with him.
There’s no trickery needed in making him miss you. It’s a matter of sometimes curbing your enthusiasm about how excited you are to be dating him, and finding ways to assert your independence. Having autonomy, we’ve learned, not only shows him that you’re not a clinging wallflower but that you’re confident and capable of enjoying yourself without being glued to his side.
Still, it's tough not to take it personally when he's getting off by looking at another woman. To help tamper that, Dr. Kort recommends taking the secrecy out of pornography and discussing it. "Ask him what about it turns him on, and [express without anger] what turns you off," he says. That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity, and closeness without him feeling like he's doing something shameful, while you can figure out what you're OK with accepting and what you're not.
I know that what this article writes it’s true. At the same time, do I really want a person with which I have to lie about my true feelings? I am very intense, passionate, and so talk a lot about what so feel and what ai think. I feel hurt of I am not in his priorities, if he never calls me or if he says he is not sure of what he wants. Of course it would be better for the lenght of the relationship stay quiet and wait. But would I feel really fullfilled and loved just tolerating?
It happens to many people, and usually for the reason that it's human nature to want what we can't have, resulting in the sudden burst of feelings in wanting him back upon realizing that he has actually walked away. I suggest that you remind yourself on why it didn't work out in the first place and stay logical about this matter, because this feeling you have for him is usually an illusion in most cases and doesn't last.
Hi me and my boyfriend of ten years have been broken up for about a month and a half he moved in with a woman only two weeks after The Break-Up so I think it's a rebound relationship not sure if he was seeing her on the side but they both said not but anyways he spent the night with me a month after we broke up and yes we had sex he also said that he loves me and was coming back home he just need more time but he left that was 2 weeks ago and hasn't even called me or tried to see our 2 children I'm very confused at this point is it normal for this to happen? Our problem was that he drank a lot and he didn't spend time with his family so yes I fussed about lot but I have had time to think about it and realize the more you fuss about it the more they Rebelle and do it anyways so I'm willing to just let it go and let him see that it's not a good thing on his own one more thing even though he's in a relationship he told me that I was his and that I better not date anyone else what do you make of all of this please help me figure out what is going on in your opinion could it be possible it's because I made a fool out of my self when we first broke up?
I have known this guy, we will call him Steven for the sake of this article. So Steven and I have known each other for 4 years, we met in a small town in Alberta, and hit it off, he was 19 and I was 21. He said he had never met another girl that was so like him and he really liked me, but at the same time he partied and did things he shouldn’t have been doing so I never got into anything serious with him. Things ended up happening (He moved out of the staff house, I met someone else who was more down to earth and settled – no serious relationship became of this), we grew apart from each other (about 75% my fault and I regret this and I think this may be why he is so standoffish today) and then he got this possessive girlfriend and completely cut me out. I moved away and then a year later we started talking again. We then talked on and off for a couple years. He had finally gotten away from his crazy girlfriend and then got in to another relationship where he was cheated on, and then into another relationship where he was cheated on again, and on Christmas day too. So here we are, 4 years later and we still talk on and off and I am realizing that he is the first guy I have ever loved. I literally can’t stop dreaming about him and thinking about him and it’s driving me nuts. I know most would say to move on because he obviously doesn’t like me enough to try but he is also going through a really stressful time in his life right now and he lives across the country. I really just wish I could go up to him and tell him that I want to be together but he lives too far away. What should I text him without scaring him off. We were texting the other night but he stopped texting and then I haven’t heard from him since. Forgive me guys, my last legit date was June of 2014 (and before that was November 2012) so my experience in dealing with men is so bad haha I am also sorry if all of this is all jumbled and makes no sense.
Hi Eric,i really need ur advice thrs a guy whom i love i ve alrdy askd him out we’ve meet twice bt iam very serious about him..he said he does not want to b in a relationship..as he just had a break up wth smbdy…bt he also sayss that he will never let me go things would be the same as wen ur in relationship just it wont be official..but niwdays i feel he gets irritated while speakn online…i want him to be mine forevr…wat should i do to get him commit nd love me….
Wow, the anger. No wonder you may be having relationship issues. It has nothing to do with lying or hiding true feelings. It’s about letting a guy have his space. If you come after me saying how horrible I am etc. etc. I will NEVER want to see you again. Nobody likes that kind of women, and no man wants to date his mother. Also pulling away is not “bad behavior.” Would you rather he spend time with you but verbally and physically abuse you? Bad behavior is if the guy is rude and abusive and mean, etc. Pulling away is a man’s way of saying “Look, I like you a lot, but I really need some time and space to sort things out.” If you can’t accept that not everything is rosy and happy all the time, and that if the man you “love” needs to pull away and you just bark and say “you’re behaving badly,” then you have no reason to be in a relationship.
I purchased this book about a month ago after my boyfriend and I had broke up. I was devasted seeing as we had been together for over 6 years. It just didn't feel right that we had broken up and to be honest, I was looking for any possible way to re-strike the flame and love that we once had. Luckily, I came across this book and it truly helped me in many ways. It not only gives advice on how to pull yourself out of the "heartbreak/depressed" phase, but it also helped get me motivated at making myself better in all aspects. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I highly recommend this book. It definitely makes you get motivated and out of that initial rut after a break up. Who knows? I'm feeling so much better than I did a month ago and I'm ready to get my ex back.
My ex and I were together for 7 years. In the first year, he looked at some messages and caught me messing around. But i was a kid (19) and we moved past it, it meant nothing. we've been so happy since then, and i never fooled around ever again. i fell in love with my boyfriend so hard. fast forward 6 years to now, he randomly looked at my chat with a friend while we were in a fight (i know hes never done this, not sure what prompted him to do it this time. everything happens for a reason tho bc this was the first time i had some scandalous stuff in my messages.) my messages showed my recent dumb move, i was pulling this crazy long trick on a friend (it spiraled out of control, i lied about details etc...) saying i was cheating when i wasnt. the lies were elaborate and stupid, where i talked about hooking up with someone when i havent even looked in anyone else's direction in reality. (it's silly i know, but my therapist said it has a lot to do with the meds i was on for adhd recently.) anyways, my boyfriend saw this stuff, and told me i have serious issues and that he cant trust me anymore. has told me to get lost for life. doesnt even wanna talk about it. hes oddly very calm and has told me he wont be changing his mind, this is the end and i should really move on because he is well on his way. we broke up and i did everything based on my emotions, send texts, emails, letters, and begged at his place. he told me if i dont stop he's gonna call the cops, and that none of my crying or begging has any effect on him anymore. he says he thought about what happened and he deserves better and wants to move on. ive been getting help and i really would do anything to have him back. i sent a final 8 pg letter yesterday explaining that i am not a cheater, or a liar, or crazy, and that im getting therapy and making changes in my life, and that i would like to speak to him again when i am better. he texted me saying, "good for you. i hope you make changes and i know you will make someone else happy in this life once u do that. im not changing my mind unfortunately, i wish you nothing but the best, please move on." it broke my heart. we are good together. i don't know how he easily moved on so quick, but we both know he can. he's a mature, principaled man. i'd like to do NC, but I dont want him to move on for good during NC. i know he's trying to cut me out of his life bc he's done with me. but i dont want to lose him forever. hes the love of my life. He loved me and treated me amazing. what do you think i should do?
Answer: Sometimes all he needs is a little coaxing to figure out what’s going on. That involves being patient and giving him space and time to figure things out for himself and to discover what it is that he’s feeling. If you keep questioning him, things are going to get more jumbled, which will only lead to more confusion and will keep you two at odds. [Read: 9 ways to get your man to start communicating with you]
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