It’s amazing what you can see with a little bit of time and distance. You might find you’re happier without him, that you can breathe easier, that you’re more like yourself again and maybe you realize getting back together with him isn’t a good idea. Or maybe a little time away causes you to see his good qualities that you took advantage of during the relationship. Maybe now you’re better able to support his vision for the future whereas you weren’t on board before. Whatever the case, sometimes you need to step away from something to see it more clearly.
Of course, it's also possible that there’s anger, resentment, or deeper issues going on. If that's the case, Mintz says you shouldn't be using sex as a weapon — that's only going to cause more harm in the relationship — and should instead be honest about how you're feeling. If you're not comfortable bringing it up on your own (or discussing it when your partner does), she suggests seeing a therapist, who can help the two of you navigate the issue in a healthy way.
It would seem that he lost the interest in having a relationship with you, but doesn't want to deal with the emotional hurt of going through a breakup, which was why he suggested occasionally talking and hooking up - in order to ease the transition. Also, he doesn't seem very emotionally mature and even seems to be acting a little spiteful towards your rejection of sex but still remains conflicted with talking to you in order to not feel the gap at times. If he is still trying to meet up, perhaps he would still have the intention of wanting to hookup or perhaps even reconcile, but I would recommend some discretion on your part to at least ensure he is doing things for the right reason before you decide.
I managed to push him away he has now told me he needs time and space which is killing me inside… We also worked so well together but as soon as we were apart I would think he is cheating on me etc… I now I can see how stupid I was for bringing all the hurt and distrust into this relationship… I just hope I haven’t lost him forever… How are you coping?
I’ve been seeing a guy for about six months now. Everything in the relationship is great- we get along, we have fun together, we just get each other. The only thing is he won’t commit to me. He said he wasn’t hooking up with anyone else, only me, but he’s not ready to use titles.  I know his last relationship ended badly, so that might be part of it. I just don’t get it, the relationship is so great in every way aside from this.

Yes, the argument I’m referring to was everything that was said when I got teary and upset… I couldnt stop talking and trying to find out the reason for my feelings so I kept asking him why he wanted to stop and no answer he gave made me feel better so I kept on saying I just didn’t understand and asking why didn’t he do this, or that. I also told him I felt rejected and he said that was ridiculous, which upset me more…. we ‘talked’, with me getting more and more upset and he said I was talking… Read more »
Throughout our courtship, I was utterly under the control of my ex-girlfriend. I let her walk all over me. She would call me at 4 A.M. and only stop calling when I answered. Being in college, I decided to drive down south where she lived to see if our relationship could work. I asked Mary to wait for me while I figured it out. She didn’t want to. Obviously.

Me and my ex boyfriend has been dating for 4 months when I got pregnant with his first child. I instantly didn’t want the baby because I was afraid or had fear that he would leave me like my first baby father. He has a hard time expressing himself and communicating so I didn’t know until now that I truly broke his heart when I aborted our baby! I want to make things better and get a second chance with being him but he says it broke him! Then he started talking with this other female of course me being jealous and her because he was barely their for me emotionally after the abortion I slapped and hit him a few times out of hurt/emotion of him moving on so fast ! I know to follow the guidelines but I’ve asked him multiple times what are we doing where are we going with this, and he says I’m being pushy and pressuring him to be back with me. And I do not want him to do that .. I want him to make his decision based off the love he had for me in the beginning but I also don’t want to come second to the female he is dealing with. How do I fall back and careless about us getting back together? Or should I just move on completely knowing that I broke his heart after aborting our baby? He said it was worse than someone cheating on him. I’m just so confused
Great job for stopping smoking. But remember, you really did it for yourself. That choice is yours for “you” and it will have positive implications for your entire life. Just go it slow. Relationships that have been injured need to be nursed back to health slowly. Look to my website Home page for resources, tools, and my eBooks to help you with the entire relationship recovery process.
He was my bestfriend for a while and then we found out that we actually love each other so we dated for a few months and then he told me that we should go back to being bestfriends to protect what we have because we can never be together or get married due to our religious beliefs.. when we started doing that he was already talking to another girl who follows the same religion as him and i got jealous and got into many fights with him about that .. that lasted for about 2 months and then he got sick from my craziness and told me that we should be just regular friends not even bestfriends and we shouldn’t text everyday or call each other unless there is something important.. that was about a month ago .. i begged him to become bestfriends again i talked alot and tried everything i could do but it was no use .. yesterday i talked to him about it again and he told me that being just friends is his final decision ans he won’t change his mind and i should act that way and just let it flow .. i hate the fact that he’s in control and that it was his decision to be just regular friends. Moreover, he and that other girl became really close I’m not sure if they are dating or not but i know that they talk and hang out alot .. we go to the same college so i see them together alot .. whenever he sees me he acts normal as regular friends .. what should i do to go back into being bestfriends again ? What should i do to win him back after he said that he already moved on? I’m not sure if the other girl is a rebound or everything between them is real also.

Unfortunately, the weather was terrible. I was racking my brain as to what to do, with where we were at, we couldn’t just hang in and watch Netflix. We made pancakes for breakfast. Mountain bikes has been a topic of discussion lately so I suggested we go take a look at a local shop. Then we went to say hi to his mom who lives nearby and hung out with her for a little while. The whole time, he just acted distant. We went home and he laid down on the couch and put a blanket over his head while I got started with dinner. After a little while, he said he needed to go for a drive and that he would be back in an hour. I couldn’t believe it. What had I done to make him fall out of love with me this quickly? Then I realized it wasn’t me, it was him.
A goddess "lives confidence." She may not feel authentically confident but she is smart enough to witness her emotions as they are pop up, recognizing when her insecurities are causing her to take a man's behavior personally. She knows when to feel whatever painful stuff comes up inside her and then does exactly what a confident woman would do — not let his behavior define her self-worth!
Adam, can you, please, respond shortly to us, the ones we posted replies in here? At least a quick guidance about what you think the missing point of the big picture is in each of us situations! I don’t want to post a reply again on you tube. I just bought your book and another program, but until I will have the time to go through the entire thing and figure myself out WHERE I did wrong/or WHERE HE doesn’t pick up the pace, I could really use your educated smell that says it as it is! My guy is at work every time I run into him…he is Police, yeah, Mr. Police, but he is NOT ashamed to squeeze his head after me though, he just wanna make sure I don’t see him lately after he pulled off…so I don’t think he is not making the move bc the “work thing”….am I missing anything?

there’s a guy younger than me, very romantic, considerate, big heart, is looking for a girlfriend, he doesnt have alot of responsibility lives with his parents still. I hav kids and I want someone that is financially stable to take care of themselves first. I was honest and don’t want to get hurt or hurt him and if I get too close as friends I may want more. I told him maybey we shouldn’t talk and he didn’t understand what he did wrong. He hasn’t called me back. We work together, I want to be his friend, and since he… Read more »
Im also experiencing this right now. I’ve been talking to this guy for a month. He texts and calls me everyday and after two weeks he said that he is falling in love with me. I told him that if I want to commit it should be with someone who is serious and for long term. He said he’s looking for the same too. And so we decided to meet and spend the day together. We were so happy and compatible. I felt safe and comfortable with him so I decided to get steady with him. Even it was time for me to go he’s still the same. Sweet and caring he even said that he wants to come and visit my home. Few more days and texting and nothing is changed he’s still the same guy I met so I was really worried when suddenly he stopped communicating with me. I let the 4 days passed without asking him what’s the problem. As I was so worried and confused I texted him like this ” I’m afraid my bf has been abducted by Pokemons. Do you know anything about this?” Just to make the convo light. Then he replied ” who are you?”. That moment I felt like my heart was torn into pieces. Here I was, so worried but then he just don’t care. I’ve waited a few days more and I asked him what’s the problem? He said that he’s been thinking if he’s the right guy for me cuz he has no direction. He doesn’t know what he wants in life and asked me if he is someone that I would like to spend my life with. He said that he love me but he’s too scared. I told him that love is a gamble. And I gambled for him and that I was really hurt by his actions. I even said that I thought we could achieve what we want together, but he didn’t say anything. I ended up the convo by saying that I will always pray for him and I wish that someday he would find what he wants in life and I hope he could find someone who would make him happy. He did not reply . So I guess that’s it. He pulled back and im not sure if I did the right thing. I think that he doesn’t want me anymore but I still love him and would be willing to figure out things together but it was him who gave up. I asked myself if I want someone like that I think I don’t. So yeah we broke up.
Probably give it another 2-3 weeks to even a month if you have to, considering that its been some time since the break up but she still doesn't seem ready. You could send the elephant in the room letter after this NC, and if she does not respond positively towards you still, you might seriously want to consider letting go instead, because she may simply not be interested anymore.
So, what’s the resolution for you if calling him your boyfriend and yourself his girlfriend means a lot to you? The first option is simply to wait until you’re absolutely sure he feels the same way about making it official. Often we give subtle signs to indicate we’re ready. If we start talking about dating you exclusively, you can take that as a sign. If we introduce you to our close friends on several occasions, that’s a solid sign. If we let you stay in our apartment when we’re not there, that’s a really good sign. The number-one sign that we’re ready to go formal — we invite you to dinner with our mother. (Yes, it’s our mother that counts for this one, not our dad.)

P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason
If you’re like most women, when that special someone calls or sends a text, you want to respond back immediately, especially if you’ve been waiting to hear from him for a while. If you make him wait too long, maybe he’ll lose interest though, or is that just what you think? But that is definitely not the case. Responding to his contact right away sends the message that you are just sitting by your phone waiting for him to reach out. Men love a chase so you can't make it all too easy for him. A good rule of thumb is to make him wait twice as long as it took for him to respond to you last. These little games may be silly but they work and it will make him think about you and miss you. Patience will help you when it comes to texting and calling.
SIDE NOTE: One thing I want you to see here is that to your ex or any other girl, your DMV/ perceived superiority is as high as your behavior makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship. Enticing her back quickly into a new relationship/fresh start can be achieved by following my 6 step program.
Consider that we all come into this world with corrections and repairs in ourselves to be made. Don’t worry – help and assistance is always there for us when we view a ribbon and big bow on each relationship we have. While at times it may not seem so, each relationship is a gift brought to us deliberately and for a purpose. From each encounter we have with another, we can extract a lesson and when we acknowledge this lesson, we can grow and heal –two major components of reaching fulfillment and happiness in our lives and relationships. The best way to learn is to ask:

So when I hear someone tell me “I want my ex back because they are the most amazing person in the world and quite possibly my soul mate” I always remind those people that they are pretty amazing too! If your ex fell for you, if you were able to inspire and seduce them the first time around, it means that you have tons of qualities to offer as well.
4. We are sad. And yes, men pull away when we are being sad or feeling down for some reason. We are waiting for you to come and ask “what’s wrong” and give us a hug. But if you don’t come we pull away even more. And more. And more until you come or we end up feeling that you don’t care about us. Men love empathic and loving womens. Even when we don’t admit it. Even most strongest alpha male wants to feel loved and cared when he feels weak and if you show us that you care we will love you forever. Seriously this isn’t a lie. Most simplest way to make a man stay true to you or love you is just to make him feel cared. Give him a hug when he needs it, tell him sometimes he still looks handsome and cool even when he’s getting older etc. I know that there is douchebags who will betray you no matter what you do or leave you, but real men want the same thing you do: to have that one loving partner in their life who makes them feel cared and loved every day.
I’m going through almost the same thing with an almost 2 year relationship.. We lived together for over a year and he is OCD and I’m a clutter/messy person.. I always would say our apartment was too small & couldn’t fit all of our stuff. He just would say that I had too much junk & didn’t clean good enough. :( Anyway we broke up over 10 days ago because he said I couldn’t change. So much stuff was happening with his family (parents moved to another state) and he could see/talk to them anymore. He became depressed, and withdrew emotionally from me. He barely even talked to me. I withdrew from him for a week before the breakup when his friend came over because he was also distant and it created tension between us. I went to my moms the weekend he took his friend home because they wanted boy time. I became clingy the day before he made me leave. I hope your situation worked itself out and you two are together or are working on things! Mine said that we were done for good, I’m not right for him even though he still loves me. I’m just waiting in limbo & silence for him to come back.
we had no contact for about 2-3 months and since it's approaching his birthday again this year, i contacted him through our mutual friend to do a catch up. we agreed to hang out, him, our mutual friend and me, the 2 of us for the weekend. an afternoon around the city, for a swim/hike, dinner and drinks at the club and lunch the next day before i head back home.
Look, we weren’t taught how to build and cultivate happy and healthy relationships in school, but it’s certainly not too late to learn how to develop these skills now! The aforementioned tips are just what you need. They consist of the very best relationship, dating, and lifestyle experts in the world; all of whom possess incredibly esteemed backgrounds and trackrecords of proven success.
One thing to look out for: If he's acting extremely jealous or policing your every move, you need to really reevaluate things. And never tell yourself, "He's a nice guy and has done nothing wrong, so I guess I should be with him." "That's convincing yourself of something that's probably not right," Trespicio says. Bottom line: Be in a relationship where you feel good when you're without him, but you feel even better with him.
Instead, Slade advises not to do this, but to ask him a few seemingly innocent questions that do not make him feel pressured at all, but actually get him to change how he sees you, how he feels about you and about relationships in general. The sneaky thing is that the guy will not even realise what you are doing so he will feel totally comfortable with you to open up and share his feelings.
It's common that someone continues to love a person even though they're no longer in love. It simply means that the passionate feelings she might have once had for you has started to fade, but it doesn't mean that she's stopped caring about you altogether (which is why she still shows care and concern). I suggest figuring out what went wrong and where she started to lose her spark for you and see if you are able to re-ignite that spark again.
I see some interesting points here re men withdrawing from relationship at times. It’s what we do. On occasion we need “me” time for simple reason we just do. Too many women see this as rejection when, in reality, we are just doing or evaluating our situation and who we are with. All perfectly normal behaviour. We will surprise you, if you let us. We also desire our mates time together so we can bond. It’s what Men do. I believe in any relationship both parties should be with their friends only not as a couple. It makes the relationship stronger. For sure Men as a collective WILL look at other Women and comment on them. Again it’s what we do. If any partner says he doesn’t do this then he is a liar. Looking is fine. Touching isn’t. Please avoid planning “our” week without checking with me first otherwise resentment will present itself. I see some comments on “he is in the Doghouse” and I’ve brought my boys up to respect women blah blah blah. All very well and nice in right context but reading between lines I sense control and “I’m the Boss” in the relationship. Dangerous ground. He will suffer it in silence but over time he will resent you for it a very fine line to balance on. In short men expect Women to be soul mates but there are simple things too he will appreciate.
Considering the total length you've been together, you're going to need to give her quite a bit of distance to let her do whatever she feels she needs to do at this point, especially if you were her first love and she may potentially be going through a mid-life crisis. Under these circumstances, the greater you push, the more she'll resent you because if she feels this strongly about wanting her independence, she'll feel just as strongly against anyone who interferes with it.
hi. i broke up with my ex girlfriend (2 weeks ago) for a second time after 7 months. We were together for 4 years now. In Oct last year, we broke up because of my mistake. i was rude to her when she did something i didn't like, and it took me 1 month to get her back. i followed radio silence technique and be very persistent to make a point to text her every 2-3 days. one thing that helped was back then, she was working in a new company and her boss was emotionally abusive. i had the opportunity to be there for her and promised her i will change (and she acknowledges that during this break up that i've changed 90%). the reason for the break up is 1) she wants to explore herself as she's only 25. we got together when she was 21. (i'm 30 right now). 2) she said she can't forget the past hurt that i've caused her. 3) she said i'm a great guy, she still love me and will miss me as we're part of each other already. 4) my dominant character has sort of overshadow her to be independent.

Been trying to slowly get my long distance ex back since January, and we’re on speaking terms again now, and even though that’s a huge step forward, I still have doubt. He’s always been a kind of distant person, and since he first reached out to me like 2 months back, I have initiated all conversations since then. I’m suspecting that’s what you call the hot and cold-treatment? Still, I really wanna get him to open up and finally realize that he loves me after all. If y’all have any more tips, I’d love to hear them.


Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.
I was in a relationship with I guy where I pulled away because I fell in love with him and I needed time to process it. I didnt tell him how I felt. I still texted a little, maybe every second/third day just a bit over two weeks, but by the time I came back, he was moody, and started drifting a little from me. He then wanted time apart because he couldn’t deal with my emotional boundary I put up before. So I told him the issues I had and that I fell in love with him. So while we gave each other space, we missed each other. I was happy to see him when I cane back but he begged me to fall right back into the relationship too fast and it was all a very confusing mix of blaming and missing me and I found myself backing away again. Thats when I decided to stopped seeing him, even though I loved him.
One reason that you may not even be aware of is an issue called receptive desire, Mintz says. "As a woman ages and the relationship goes on, [many] stop being spontaneously horny," she explains. "A lot of men and women don't know this, so they wait to be [turned on] to have sex...But you can have sex to get [turned on], rather than wait to be [turned on] to have sex."

I am currently in 'no contact' - I haven't spoken to my ex boyfriend since the break-up, which was about three weeks ago. Our relationship was incredibly close: we were together for two years, we had exchanged promise rings and often talked about our future (marriage, etc.)... I love him so much. He is a genuinely lovely, altruistic and romantic guy and we share so much in common, in terms of interests and values. He used to say I made him so happy, content and that I was his best friend, as well as his girlfriend.


I maintained my cool during this time, we text a bit and even had a bit of a flirt but I did text a few times with suggestions to meet up that got ignored. I finally decided i would just ask whether he was still interested but in a very casual way, but got my point across, he apologised saying he’d been manic at work and that his mum wasn’t too well, but that wasn’t an excuse for not being in touch and asked me how i was, what id been up to etc. I replied with a lighthearted message saying i understood. A week then passed and nothing, so i sent another one, a bit more pressing and saying if he was ‘still being useless then fine, but can he meet me for a drink this week’ if not the i guess it’s best to leave things, but either way let me know’ He didn’t read this message for a number of days, then by the 4th day i got angry and sent a message saying ‘ or you could completely ignore me’ he then messaged me back saying he was sorry and being useless wasn’t his intention and that he was working way the previous week and would have struggled to meet me for a drink and that he said ‘sorry to have messed me around’ and hoped my broken foot was better. I replied back with a very lighthearted message also apologising for my behavouir and ended it with some fun chit chat, didnt ask any questions and didn’t suggest meeting up.


If you are in a situation like this, the best thing to do is just be cool about it. Do not give your opinion about their new relationship and let it run its course. Just be cool about the whole thing and try to concentrate on your life rather than theirs. There are a lot of things that you need to do after a breakup and before you can get your ex back. That’s what step 2 is all about.
But going through difficulties is what gets us in touch with who we are and what we’re made of. This sort of growth and self-discovery is invaluable. Breaking through that feeling of “I won’t be able to survive without him” and then discovering that you can will make you realize how strong you are, and as a result, will help build your self-esteem and give you that amazing “I can get through anything” feeling.

Today I asked if I could call him to ask him about a few things I know he knows much about and likes. . He said yes and I called. He was a bit on edge at first but then we talked like we did before breakup and he was talking about some improvements he had done in his apartment and that he's waiting to get accepted to school etc. it was a nice talk, after a while asked him if I could come over some day to pick up my last stuff at his apartment and that's when it escalated. He got upset, wondering why I hadn't said something about those stuff before and why I was asking for them now and if I wanted my things I could pick them up outside his door when he's not at home. I tried to calm him down, and we agreed that he would contact me when I could come and get the things. The call didn't end... well according to plan. What should I do? I have also asked him twice before in texts if we could catch up for a coffee at some point,: He has been positive and said "well I'm busy today but maybe another day" or "I'm busy right now but another time? let's talk about later."
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When a person is exposed to novel stimuli, especially when it’s sexual in nature, it creates an intense dopamine rush that can lead to “arousal addiction.” Because there is an endless array of porn, it is always novel which means it can trigger a bigger surge in dopamine than sex with a familiar partner. Repeated exposure to porn will train the brain to prefer images to a real-life partner.

I need advice. We met on match.com and only dated about 3 weeks but had a great connection from the very beginning. Plus we share a lot in common (we agree about a lot, graduated high school same year, kids are same age). But he broke it off because 1) we moved too fast (didn’t have sex but went further than we intended by date 2) and 2) we’re in different places in our lives – I’m going through a divorce and he’s been divorced for years. I’m devastated. We ended things amicably last week (I didn’t fight it, though I wanted to) and we haven’t been in contact. But he’s been back on match.com already. My question is, what are our chances for trying again in the future? Did moving too fast derail us completely?
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