Know that it can take a long time to rebuild trust after cheating. Once one partner loses faith in their partner it can take years to regain the trust that was lost. Any time a cheating partner leaves the house meets up with coworkers, or texts someone new, feelings of jealousy and distrust are natural. Be prepared to work hard, and for several months, to rebuild trust after an affair.
8 months now, we normally live together but he’s away sometimes to take care of the kids for like a week every month which no problem for me. He agreed that moving back to that location is good for the kids education but for her he’s not sure. However, my concern is that he now has to be away to that new location that his ex and kids will move to (it’s also his hometown), to help on finding the apartment and prepare for schooling.
He said he still loved me, that his feeling hasn’t changed a bit, that there was absolutely no one else, but that he needed time for himself, because he was feeling like he spent most of the time worrying about me, feeling like he had to guide me or something (i do not agree to that, because i honestly never asked him to guide me or to leave any of his activities for me)… And that he was way too tired of all the fights, he couldn’t handle it anymore, so thats why he exploded and realized he needed time for himself, to fix his own issues, achieve his goals and that he would seek for help on a psychologist because he felt lost, and that he needed someone to tell him what to do right now and that he didn’t know if this break up was going to be permanent or if it was going to be temporary. He also told me that i should focus on college right now, and use this ¨free¨ time to do that, but that he didn’t mean that i should stop thinking about him or he would stop thinking about me, because i was always on his mind
He could of went out on a night out in those days, kissed another girl or something. So I wanted him to properly decide his decision before he did this. 2 days after we broke up, I went to his house to give him back his stuff (bad idea I know!), I just wanted to see him so bad and wanted to know his final decision. I knew it wasn’t going to be good and it wasn’t. He didn’t want to get with me.
This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.
The first kind of bad text message people like to send to their ex after a breakup is what I like the “Hate Text.” While venting can be therapeutic, saying mean things to your ex will ruin your chances of ever rebuilding a relationship with him or her. If you find yourself angry with your ex, then give yourself a moment to cool down before you pick up your phone. While being angry and emotional is COMPLETELY NORMAL for a person in your situation, it’s wise to not act on these emotions if you want to win your ex back. I mean…what is your goal right now? To get in that “one last shot” at your ex? Or to win them back and make them love you again? Think about it this way: people tend to gravitate towards things that make them feel good, and if your ex associates negative feelings with YOU, the less likely it is they’ll feel attracted to you again, let alone talk to you. So take a chill pill, relax, and live to fight another day.
Often we women come across much more crutical than we realize. We are so socialized to being critiqued we just take it and deal. Men cant. They cant absorb it, it just sits on them and weighs them down. Always phrase any critiques positively? Sandwich it between two affirmations of good things he does or positive qualities. State you understand him. A man will “man up” when he knows his woman believes him to be a good man.
Dear Lauren, My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and I just started no contact about a week ago. We were dating over 3 years. I have a college class with her and ironically sit next to her. How do I continue no contact when I see her everyday? The night before she decided to move out she told me she wanted us. The next night she went out after work and told me we were done, and she never came home. We had been living together for over a year now and finally moved into our own place. I'm pretty sure she slept with a guy she had been casually seeing from work the night before she never came home. I know she slept with him and I know we are over but I was her only sexual partner ever. How do I get her to see the good times we had and miss me? I really want her back and think we can be stronger than ever. ...
I met my friend online about 5 months ago. At first he kept in constant contact with me. Then his contact became less frequent. I realized I was the one doing most of the initiating so I stepped back. After 8 days he contacted me saying I dont love him anymore. He explained the problem was not me. He schedule is very busy cause he has a 9-5 job plus an evening contract plus he own several propertyies. I thought he was lieing to me and he was a player. I found out he eas telling the truth. Most times he is extrememly tired. He made a way to spend time with me twice. We had a really good time and he was totally relaxed and he displayed his feelings for me. Both times we met he shut down afterwards and became distant. The first time he came out of it after a week and told me he was in love with me. The second time he shut down. He make sure he text me goodmorning everyday but that is it. After the first week askec if he enjoyed his visit and he said he enjoyed me, but it has been 2 weeks since then and he keeps his contact to a minimum. I reply ro his good morning text and occasionally I will ask how is he doing and he will respond but no additional test after. I have been very quiet trying to give him his space. Yesterday I asked if I offended him in any way and wanted to know why I asked. Confused I just said, “i can’t figure you out but and i want to give you your space. Nut I dont need to be in your head I just want to make sure we are good. Your word is good enough for me. He said we are good and texted an emoji kiss. I said okay.
Wow, the anger. No wonder you may be having relationship issues. It has nothing to do with lying or hiding true feelings. It’s about letting a guy have his space. If you come after me saying how horrible I am etc. etc. I will NEVER want to see you again. Nobody likes that kind of women, and no man wants to date his mother. Also pulling away is not “bad behavior.” Would you rather he spend time with you but verbally and physically abuse you? Bad behavior is if the guy is rude and abusive and mean, etc. Pulling away is a man’s way of saying “Look, I like you a lot, but I really need some time and space to sort things out.” If you can’t accept that not everything is rosy and happy all the time, and that if the man you “love” needs to pull away and you just bark and say “you’re behaving badly,” then you have no reason to be in a relationship.
Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)
Hi, we work at same place and she sit just front of me so we see each other 100 times a day. Not able to apply no contact rule properly. Two months in no contact but not working as both are at same place. But whenever I text her in urgent no reply from her. In a month we will not be together, so should I wait to be apart when she will feel it or everything in her seems dead for me. I can’t take her rigid nature of not texting back or receive emergency call. What she want. I am not well and can’t focus on my personal life and career which is not good for me.
Talk to his friends. If you have mutual friends or if his friends would be willing to talk to you without telling your ex about it, consider asking them what they think the chances are that your ex would want to get back together with you. They are more likely than you to know if he has a new girlfriend or if he's dying to get back together with you.
Español: recuperar a tu ex novio, Português: Reconquistar o seu Ex Namorado, Français: récupérer son ex petit‐ami, Italiano: Riconquistare un Ex, Deutsch: Den Exfreund zurückbekommen, Русский: вернуть бывшего парня, 中文: 让你的前男友回来, Bahasa Indonesia: Mendapatkan Kembali Mantan Pacar Anda, Nederlands: Je ex vriendje weer terugkrijgen, العربية: استعادة حبيبك السابق, हिन्दी: अपने एक्स बॉयफ़्रेंड को वापस पाएँ, ไทย: กลับไปคืนดีกับแฟนหนุ่มคนเก่าของคุณ, Tiếng Việt: Khiến bạn trai cũ quay lại với bạn, 한국어: 헤어진 남자친구, 다시 잡는 법, 日本語: 元彼氏を取り戻す
Hey I’ve been with my ex for 4 months on July 7th and on July 16th he broke up with me and I don’t fully understand why he said the relationship was toxic but I felt otherwise because he broke up with me July 5th we got back together July 7th on our 4 months being together. I thought it was officially over on the 7th until he came back and said we was going to work things out and take it slow. So everything is going smooth and then it’s Monday July 16th,2018 he called me and he wants to come over. So he asked can I make him some pancakes before he got here. So I got up to ,ale the pancakes but long story short the time he got here the pancakes wasn’t made so we argued a little bit he went to the store he took a while but he came back I was in a good mood that day. He was being very distant towards me he started to bring up the pancakes and me not giving him a kiss but I had lipstick on and I know he doesn’t likes that. So long story short he started an argument and then left and I do admit I kept texting him after the break up I was so hurt and confused.. I would let time and days past before I wrote him again. I understand we had some drama in our relationship with others getting involved with it but I feel if we give things a second chance and keep people out of relationship this time and just focus on us we’ll have a better outcome. His birthday is coming up September 20th it makes me sad I had so much planned for his birthday. I wanted to make him feel so special on his birthday. A few family members reached out to him and he’s so cold now I wonder if he’s hiding behind emotions or just doesn’t love me anymore. He’s a Virgo so he’s a pretty complicated person. I love him so much he’s my best friend within the time we spent together we was together everyday almost and I have strong feelings for him and I don’t want to be with nobody else but him. Even if we don’t get back together I would like to at least get some understanding of what happened but the goal is for us to get back together. So is there any hope for us to give our relationship a second try.
My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. He said he craves for independence and he he still loves me but that’s just what’s right to do. He pushed me away whenever I try to get close or hug or lean my head against his back. I really love him and I want to get him back but we are flatmates, we live together and I don’t know how to do the no contact? And I’ve gone home for a few days and I didn’t tell him where I was going. I’ll be going back in a few days and I’ll be seeing him again. What should I tell him if he asks me where I went? I don’t want to look like a loser grieving so much for our relationship. And I really want to get him back.
It feels like we keep on going back and forth about the past what has happened and he keeps asking me questions everytime we see each other so I decided to not coming home anymore. I’ve made my decision to move out. I’m still heartbroken about his new girlfriend and seeing him and with him asking me the past nights isnt helping. I dont know what he was thinking the last few encounters. What is he trying to get from me? Why is he asking me these questions? And why did he had an emotional breakdown the first time we actually had a conversation together? I’m still confused. Please help me. I don’t know if after moving out and doing this No Contact would help anything. I am still in love with him. I regretted my mistakes, and my childish careless act to him. I wish i had a chance to make it up to him and treated him better. Please help.
That’s very sad. Don’t be afraid to date. Be selective but you deserve the attention and love you need. You’re both holding on to “company”. You are holding onto someone who isn’t thinking about your need to have a complete relationship. Once you settle for less you will always get less. If you value yourself and your time then the right man will too. I have a soft cat to hug. Try it.
The No Contact role is a powerful method, it works great. At first cut all contacts, don’t text or call him. Give him the space and time to realize what he has lost by letting you go of. In the meanwhile make your life busier by getting involved in new activities. Take care of yourself, always be at your best behaviour, and wear an attractive dress that you know he likes, hang out with your friends and exchange jokes with them and laugh whenever possible as nothing had happened. Sure thing, when he sees that you are happy on your own, he can’t help but want to have you in his life once again.
I’ve been with my ex for 4 years. My first love and vice versa, and we intently spoke about marriage. We broke up a year and a half ago because I was too stubborn to listen to him. He told me I needed to open up more, to communicate better but being an introvert this was extremely difficult for me…so he left. I’ve been trying really hard since and got better at it.
The rule here is that process always trumps content. When emotions heat up, the problem in the room is the emotions, not whatever you are arguing about. Unfortunately, when emotions kick in, we’re tempted to ramp up the content as a way of dealing with emotions – you want to get the other person to understand, damn it, and you’re likely tempted to fight to the death to make your point. Anything you say is like throwing gasoline on a fire – it's likely to be misheard, misinterpreted.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 15 months and we are facing a major problem. I just want to start off with saying that she’s the one that recommended me to ask you for advice because right now, I am pretty much confused to do at this point. My girlfriend has told you about what she did when she went over to that guys house and about another guy who is a co-volunteer that volunteers at the nursing home as she does. I have gotten numerous screenshots about she herself committing to what she have done, which is cheating. I also have her best friends claiming those that she did do those things. When i confronted her for the first time she only told me one third of it. Again i find there’s more to the story from her friends. Again i try confronting her and now she told me 2/3. You know where I’m going with this. Anyway now that everything has been cleared out, i asked her why. She told me “i just said all those things because out of anger”. But then i asked her why would she say that. She was angry at me at the time when this occurred so i would understand that she could be saying this out of anger but why not clear this out with her friends? Plus this been hidden for 6 months so why this long? Also one of my friends saw her but they said nothing was happening, just her and this guy in the park talking. I let that go. Then another friend who is currently dating one of her ex-best friends told me that she told him about her cheating. I asked him why would she say that and he said that she was claiming to hurt me by the way is not because she kept it hidden. I asked her about that too and she claims the something, it was out of anger she said all those things to hurt me. This situation happened throughout last summer. I admit that i did not reply to her text for 2 days and keep making her feel bad but i always made sure to make up for that. Now we are trying to work things out but I’m still something sort of confused what to do, so that’s why i writing to you for some advise.
Do not post negativity on social platforms. Firstly, your social media friends will see it as a big negative and any chances of gaining a new partner are gone but mainly when negativity is posted, it only brings a negative response or anger which may ruin any chances of ever having your ex back again. Another reason I personally do not encourage negative posts is it shows desperation and we don’t want this type of image or attention pointed towards us.
Hello I can imagine your going through a hard time trying to understand this guy. He’s confusing you because he’s confused himself. He has distanced himself because this is what guys do when they are thinking if they want to be with you or not. This also shows how he doesn’t care much about you and more about himself. He says these things like I miss you and all that stuff to make sure your still around for him as an option but does his words match his actions? If he missed you he woukd see you. Does he see you? No ? Then he’s not telling the truth he’s using words to keep you about for his own ego and loneliness. There’s a way u can find out if he wants to be with you or not and that’s by ignoring him he sends u a msg like I miss you can I talk to u or just hello no mater what his msg says u say nothing. A woman’s silence shows and expresses your hurt more than your anger and words do. This also gives him time to properly miss you and it also stops you looking easy in his eyes men want a challenge they want to chase so give him what he wants and don’t feel bad about it either he hurt you did he care ? Sounds like he didn’t.
Absolutely. Why would u even bother with somebody like that. Everybody needs space and that applies to women also but that doesnt mean that u have to distance urself from each other to an extreme where u feel unloved and insecure in the relationship and why should any woman accept that its ok for a man to do this. Imagine if the woman did it…….different story then.
This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Typically, men love to see their woman as a prize that they need to work for. They see the woman that they choose to be with as an accomplishment and as someone that took work to earn. It might sound a little silly but it’s true. Men love to know a woman has a mind of her own, is confident, and isn’t easy to get. So, men pull away when women get too clingy. Do not start canceling all your plans to be available to him every day all day.
It is best to look at response time as a gauge of how interested the other party is in what you are saying (just like word count.) For example, in my book, I give an example where I was texting a girl and I responded to her texts every few hours. Based on that you can assume that I am not very interested in what she is saying. However, if I was texting a girl that I was very interested in and I responded to her texts every few minutes then I am definitely engaged in what she is saying.
Make sure to abide by the ever-important No Contact Rule. In this case, ignore your instincts (because they usually act like impulses and read as impulsive behavior). Make sure you take time needed for yourself to feel strong and confident on your own while you give him space. Make sure you do not, I repeat do not show any signs of codependency or clinginess when he does reach back out to you.
He was posted back to his hometown almost two weeks ago to stay indefinitely. Now first week he moved we were fine, but one day I asked him if he wanted to eat dinner with my mom (we discussed this before he left and he had no issue) and he told me “we weren’t at that part in our relationship, when parents get involved it’s a huge deal” I responded that he should forget I mentioned it and that him saying that informs me of a lot. He responded “oh come on! You should know we aren’t at that level” I won’t lie I was kinda upset so I didn’t respond. Now is been 5 days.. He hasn’t text me to see if I’m alive or anything. And I haven’t text him because if he called it quits I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of going looking for him..
I wouldn’t say that I am a workout fanatic or anything like that but I do love to work out. In fact, I try to get at least five workouts in every single week. And one of the hard truths that I have had to learn about working out is the fact that if you don’t have music playing in your ears while you workout it can be an extremely painful experience.
It’s tough for someone to nail down to source of feeling not OK, but they unconsciously latch onto things that will get rid of this feeling, usually through reassurance or trying to make situations come about that they feel will make them happy and finally grant them relief. This inevitably impacts your vibe, you become a parasite of sorts and everyone you come into contact with is simply a means to an end.