It’s actually not a horrible text. I mean, I am sure if a girl I really liked told me that she loved cuddling with me I would be over the moon but the truth is that this text could be so much better. If you are going to be talking about an aspect of your old relationship with your ex girlfriend I want you to pay attention to the details and that is something that this text lacks.
Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!
I was just so hurt and broken hearted, felt empty.. it’s such an un bearable pain I’m going through. When I went home obviously I texted him saying don’t hate me I still love you I just wanted to do a nice thing he said he didn’t hate me and then I texted him something saying I made things harder for myself and then he didn’t reply. I then texted him again a while later and said can I ring you it’s important. I rang him and said I think you need to give it some more thought if I did mean something to me and he got annoyed and said you need to accept it, stop texting and ringing me. So that was the end of that it’s been a few hours since I’ve spoken to him. I can’t stop thinking of him, the thoughts of him going off with another girl so soon is killing me so much.
my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs. we had our ups and downs but one day things fell extremely out of place. I was at home when I received a call from his closest friend. I learned that my boyfriend was seen with another woman. I asked his friend to see what happens and a few minutes later I received a picture. I was completely shocked and broken. I knew that females were constantly on his social media I wondered if 4 years of being with me had been relevant to my boyfriend. I was hurt and asked his friend to keep an eye on him. The outings became frequent. I was fuming on the inside but I did not show it, nor did I ask him. I decided to confront my boyfriend about these events. I asked him if he felt like he should have told me. Out of my anger I told him he could go with the other woman. It took me a while to hear what he had wanted to say. My boyfriend worked part time as a waiter and so did the girl. I showed him the pictures and waited for an answer. He explained to me that they had gone out only to eat. I believed him but I didn’t quite understand why the outings were so frequent. He expressed his feeling of not telling me sooner and making me jump to conclusions. They had gone out to grab lunch and he explained the girl knew he was in a relationship. After a few weeks, the girl had left the job to work in a different restaurant. I felt angry at myself for yelling and misunderstanding him. He had apologized for not telling me sooner and creating a big problem. We have now established rules for our relationship. We had to communicate with each other and if an even had occurred whatever it may be, we will always talk about it. Communication and forgiveness is key. Know your partner. Me and my boyfriend have since grown closer. He and his friend do not talk as much, that loss has made me and him realize that a relationship is truly meant for 2 and their can never be a third person. To everyone who is in or was in a situation like ours I hope our experience has helped you grow near. Communicate always and be happy! 

Accept your partner’s faults. No one is perfect, and we often judge our lovers more harshly than anyone else. Your partner is going to make a mistake or hurt your feelings, and it may be difficult to forgive them immediately. However, the only way to stay in love is to know and accept that your partner is not perfect, and forgive them when they are wrong. Accept and appreciate their quirks instead of trying to change them.
This part of the message serves as the test for your ex girlfriend. She can either accept your invitation to talk on the phone or decline it. If she accepts it then you can run around your house like a crazy man full of excitement. If she declines it don’t take it personally. She may be busy at that particular moment or you may not have built up enough attraction yet. It just means you have a little more work to do.
I met my friend online about 5 months ago. At first he kept in constant contact with me. Then his contact became less frequent. I realized I was the one doing most of the initiating so I stepped back. After 8 days he contacted me saying I dont love him anymore. He explained the problem was not me. He schedule is very busy cause he has a 9-5 job plus an evening contract plus he own several propertyies. I thought he was lieing to me and he was a player. I found out he eas telling the truth. Most times he is extrememly tired. He made a way to spend time with me twice. We had a really good time and he was totally relaxed and he displayed his feelings for me. Both times we met he shut down afterwards and became distant. The first time he came out of it after a week and told me he was in love with me. The second time he shut down. He make sure he text me goodmorning everyday but that is it. After the first week askec if he enjoyed his visit and he said he enjoyed me, but it has been 2 weeks since then and he keeps his contact to a minimum. I reply ro his good morning text and occasionally I will ask how is he doing and he will respond but no additional test after. I have been very quiet trying to give him his space. Yesterday I asked if I offended him in any way and wanted to know why I asked. Confused I just said, “i can’t figure you out but and i want to give you your space. Nut I dont need to be in your head I just want to make sure we are good. Your word is good enough for me. He said we are good and texted an emoji kiss. I said okay.

As common knowledge goes, you cannot make a person have certain feelings for you. However, you can encourage them to feel a certain way through reminders, thoughts, gestures and messages, so there might be some ways to help your ex think about the good things the two of you shared together. For more details on how this might be possible, read How to Make Your Ex Miss You.
Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.
Well, putting it into practice can be really tough because there are two battles that you are going to be fighting. The first battle is going to be the most obvious one in that you have to get her connected in a conversation with you. The second battle is going to be going on inside of YOU! It is the fact that discipline is going to be required to pull this off.
Behavior is the key to creating change because, unlike emotions and often even thoughts, behavior is the one aspect of ourselves that we can truly control. Action gets you out of the emotional mud and is an excellent antidote to depression and feeling trapped. So give your partner a hug five times a day whether you feel like it or not and see if it doesn’t change the emotional climate in the house.
Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.
because only men pull away…all my life is full of all that “it’s not you it’s me” crap,every single time,you try to be nice,understanding,give time and offer encouragement and every time…this…i’m starting to think something is wrong with me,i am already in enough despair as it is and hearing this when i am choosing my words like before a trial or something…it is the most horrible feeling i have ever experienced,and i have been through loss,rough accidents and others…and this hurts worse than all together,the feeling of hopelessness when you pull out even your own soul to show that person everything will be alright and still…nothing.

Advice from a male perspective anyone? I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space and he respects mine also. When he’s a weekend away with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we made had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roommate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text today apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?


I met my BF six months ago. I thought things were going great. If he needs me to do things for him I do if I can. Usually because of our work schedules we only see each other on the weekends so I am not crowding him. We have never had a bad argument although he has made me mad before I get over things quickly. Then out of the blue he stopped calling and returning my calls. Was he hurt or dead? I drove to his house and knocked. No answer although his truck was there. I left a note but haven’t heard back. It’s been two weeks. I’m very hurt and confused. I feel like I could be okay with giving him space if he had said he needed space. At least then I wouldn’t have to speculate. I had told him I loved him and maybe he freaked out. But I believe if you feel it. Should say it because tomorrow is not promised and I don’t want to regret not saying it. FYI my BF is twice divorced. Maybe that’s why he’s freaked.
Hi Lauren again... Well, quite some time passed by, we broke up 3 and a half months ago. I did try all this what you recommend here: waited, wrote the apology letter, asked him if we could talk about what could I have done better. This is what happened: we met for a coffee and had a good talk, just general catching up and casual subjects, however he didn't mention anything about our relationship and I didn't want to push him. It was a friendly time, with some sparks still there. Then we continued in email, I asked him again about what has gone wrong between us, to which he responded that it was mainly about HIM: he was too stressed about certain things in his life that had nothing to do with me. And mentioned a couple of concerns about me, but they were not anything serious. Then HE suggested that we should meet and discuss it, he will be happy to see me - but another month passed by and he didn't seem to be able to fit me in his extremely busy work schedule and stress and I indeed knew that they had something going on in the company. I was very understanding and not pushy at all. Maybe I was way too patient and gave him too much time: tonight, I saw him with another woman, walking in town, holding hands... Now, we will still meet once, because I forgot something at his place. I am totally clueless of how to behave toward him. Shall I pretend that I don't know anything and wait till he brings up that he already has somebody else, or shall I confront him? The worst thing is that he is one of the last men on Earth I would expect to be dishonest. What shall I do now? Now I am close to 50 and I have never been so happy with a man than with him, in fact, he was the first one I could have imagined to grow old with, and he used to be also very happy and planning a wonderful life together. And now I am in quite a shock. Thank you in advance! ...

Make sure you want your ex boyfriend back for the right reasons. Are you really still in love with him? If so, it might be worth trying to get him back, by showing him you still care and that you believe things will be better this time. Sometimes breaking up provides time for both people to realize that, more than anything, they just want to be together again. However, if you have any other reason for wanting your ex back, reexamine whether it's a good idea to try to rekindle the relationship.
How do you get over somebody that you work with? Obviously NC is impossible in this situation. Luckily for me, she works out in the field (not literally in a field btw) and I work in the office. So I really only see her about once a week if that. But….. I still do have to communicate with her several times a day every day either by phone or by text for work.

Hi am haleemah my boy friend broke up with me early this month he saw some messages o my phone chatting with other guts , have been neging him to please giveme a second chance but he wouldn’t listen ,I mesg he several times but he said he is no more interested but the truth is I love him and I didn’t cheat on him intentionally ,I only did it because of my ex but he didn’t believe me.pls I never your advice
Hi Lauren! I am from the Philippines and I bumped on this site trying to find out advises for my current relationship. My story will be a bit long and I hope you may find time reading it. I have been in a relationship for 8months now. Our relationship started in a most undesirable way. First, let me tell you the romantic background of the guy whom I decided to be with. His first girlfriend was way back in his High School years. They were together for four years. The girl has a "childhood friend" who was a Filipino Australian citizen (A Filipino who migrated in AU and became a citizen), eventually, the fall of the relationship was when the girl thought that the relationship was going nowhere and decided to cheat when that "childhood friend" went back to the Philippines. When he learned the thing, of course his heart got broken and had a hard time moving on. After a year, he had his second girl who was his college junior (they were both studying Nursing) and all went fine, he shared with me that he gave all the girl's wants and needs but in the end he was made aware that the girl is cheating and that she is dating another man when they are still together and the mother of the girl belittled him for being "just a nurse". They broke up and he did all to win the gilr back but nothing happened. After a year, when he learned that the girl became available "again", he started courting her "again" to win her back, of course the girl chose a different man instead of him and that's when he decided to move on. On the other hand, we were officemates, I am a Human Resource Officer and he's a Company Nurse, at first, I did not like him for he's just not my type. Until the tables turned. I love talking to him and I enjoy his company, I told him that I like him and he said it was okay. Eventually I fell in love and confessed, he told me he's not ready and can't reciprocate my love, as well, he d...
Instead, tell him, “I feel great that I’m hearing from you!” Instead of giving him something negative and aggressive to associate with you, make sure that when he’s with you or talking to you, he feels fun, positive energy from you. Your mood is one thing you have absolute control over, and how you act can be infectious. People like being around postivity. Think of all the times people have complained to you and how enjoyable it was to listen them.
Not using the right word could prove to be dangerous in a short message. This can be misinterpreted especially if your ex resents you or if you were harassing them during the breakup. Each of your words have to be well thought out; just like as if you were writing a letter. Text messages aren’t always clear; whether you text ex back or they text you!
My boyfriend for 4 months started calling and texting less as of the second week of January. It is true that he had some successive things happening one after the other which also prevented us for meeting since the new years eve. But despite that I let him know that I wasn’t happy with his careless behaviour. By the third week of January the date of his thesis submission approached and it just got worse. As I got bady ill for 4 days and he didn’t even get briefed because he did not ask how I was although he kept the conversation, I exploded on him and told him aaaalll I felt and went through and how he was absent when I needed him. My message just stayed unread on purpose till the morning and he tried to start a new normal conversation as usual like nothing happened. I was pissed off so I answered short, late, and tough. He stopped talking and by the time I cooled down he was already shut off. I ended up keeping the conversation somehow as he stopped initiating. By the following weekend I was near his area and we were talking so I asked if he feels like going out having some air. He made an excuse and I just headed home. We talked less and less through the following week, by thursday night we had a light chat and I asked how he was, he said that he was very tired and unhappy. As I asked why, is it going bad at work, my message just stayed unread till the morning. It was Friday 9 Feb. And he was quite responsive through the day, so I asked to meet and as he kept making excuses related to work, I just pushed more. So he just stopped responding to my messages and calls. Yes I know I did aaaall kinds of the things to avoid in these situations but I could not help but to see and understand what was happening to him that he had to express his unhappiness. After this incident I just disappeared too until valentine’s day at around 10 pm. I sent a brief apology message for my harsh words and putting the blame on him (when I exploded on him) while he was already having a hard time by himself. I wished him good luck with his upcoming thesis presentation (16 Feb) and wished him that he would never tell anybody again that he is tired and unhappy as he said to me the week before. I got an answer for this message that I was a wonderful girl and very understanding and I have nothing to apologise for and thanks for the good wishes and that I deserve the best and he hopes I will find what I deserve.
Your articles always leave me teary-eyed, Renee. They are full of brilliant and compassionate insights. You speak of being authentic, you speak of trusting in the infinite perfection of the universe to give back what we put in. You speak of having a pure open hearted connection and leaving our fears at the door. This article made me cry. And I think it’s because it rang so true. We all want to be admired and trusted. I feel like whenever a man fell in love with me, it was after he revealed something shameful to me and I just accepted… Read more »
Three weeks ago I had birthday and he said he would celebrate with me. Last minute he cancelled due to work so I was very upset:( After that I asked him to not communicate with me because I am angry at him. We went quite for a weeks and later started being in touch but since that time he’s contact me is much less frequent and he never calls me – just text. But he still writes that he loves me so much and he misses me!! I do not understand his behavior… Please tell me what you think…
None of the articles – or the report about when men pull away – seem to address a man pulling away/refusing to talk or see you after an argument or altercation of some kind. Last week after sex which was really great, he wanted to stop for some reason I’m not sure of, and I got teary and upset. (Looked it up since and it was probably post-coital dysphoria) I was upset and confused and kept asking why he had wanted to stop and said I felt rejected… anyway after about half an hour of me spiralling, confused, he said,… Read more »
Are you able to communicate your feelings in a way that makes your partner respond the way that you want them to? If you aren’t getting the response that you’d like, try a different tactic. Try saying ‘I have something to tell you that’s important to me. Is it a good time to talk?’ The reply from your partner will let you know how receptive your partner is likely to be.
I was beside myself with shock. I was just dumped by my girlfriend, even though I thought things were going great. My initial instinct was to start promising change and control the situation. Although I hadn’t gone overboard by begging or texting repeatedly, I was really struggling and didn’t know what to do to get her back. I scoured the internet and after reading countless articles and websites, I came across Lee’s site and read a few articles. His advice and take on the getting your GF back seemed to make a lot of sense and I felt like I needed some objective help so that I don’t blow any chance that I may get. I’m so glad I booked that call with Lee! After a few sessions and by following Lee’s plan, she finally contacted me and wanted to meet. Lee’s advice on how to handle both NC, as well as how to interact with her in those first few meet ups was invaluable! I am happy to say we are back together and it’s never been better. The things I learned about female attraction from Lee I will continue to use in relationships to keep the spark alive and attraction high. The hard part was to trust the process, but Lee’s clear and genuine demeanor made it easier to do what I know needed to be done to get her back. I would highly recommend Lee’s services if you would like to get your ex back or improve the dynamic in your current relationship!   -Marc

I also want to add that this isn’t the only reason a man will lose interest, it’s just the most common and most misunderstood one. The problem is most people don’t accurately define what the problem is. It gets written off as the woman being too available and not making him chase her. That is not really what’s at play here. Being available isn’t the issue, the issue is really not being present. It’s an issue that comes from seeking validation through a relationship rather than in your life.


This is an interesting article. My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I was complaining that we are not spending enough time together. I see him once every 2-3 weeks. Then he went silent for 3 days, so I texts him and call him out on that. He wasn’t happy about that. He told me I deserved someone who can give me full time attention and he isn’t the right person since he is very busy. I told him no one is too busy . That’s just an excuse. Anyway, I was shock when he broke up with me. Didn’t see it coming especially when he kept telling me wants to marry me. This definitely was a blow. How do get over this? I deleted his number to prevent me from texting him nasty comments. Honestly, I want him regret his decision for letting me go. Can you give some advise ?

I was in a relationship with I guy where I pulled away because I fell in love with him and I needed time to process it. I didnt tell him how I felt. I still texted a little, maybe every second/third day just a bit over two weeks, but by the time I came back, he was moody, and started drifting a little from me. He then wanted time apart because he couldn’t deal with my emotional boundary I put up before. So I told him the issues I had and that I fell in love with him. So while we gave each other space, we missed each other. I was happy to see him when I cane back but he begged me to fall right back into the relationship too fast and it was all a very confusing mix of blaming and missing me and I found myself backing away again. Thats when I decided to stopped seeing him, even though I loved him.
Hi Andilla, Definitely, I've seen this work to bring couples back together! That's why I wrote the blog. This is the technique my dad, John Gray, has been teaching with success for over 30 years helping couples reunite. It's not going to work for every relationship - but this is the step I recommend people take if you want your ex back. No one wants to get back into a relationship that doesn't work…people want change, they want assurance of change so that they can trust you again and build something better. When it comes to friends with your ex? That depends on the relationship. :-)...
My first suggestion is that you would be best served if you had an ex recovery plan. Go to my home page to learn more about the tools, ebooks, podcasts, and resources available to you. Secondly, I agree..you want to build upon nice memories and every relationship is different, so if you have a positive trend of communication going, keep it going, but try to find balance in it. I call it Tide Theory in my eBook!
Put out the fire by focusing directly on the process, the emotions and actions. We’re beginning to argue, I’m starting to feel angry. Fix the emotion – your anger – by breathing and calming yourself down, by walking away. Do your best to stay out of the weeds of content; if you don't, you'll wind up talking about Christmas '08 again, and you know where that leads. 

Some people try to be there for their ex. They walk their dog, they show up at their door with some gifts, and other things. This hinders your value, and makes them wish you were gone. Aside from cutting off communication, it’s imperative that you are not visible. You cannot be seen by her, by your own doing. This will create value, as absence makes the heart grow fonder. You’ll force her to think about you, and will not let her have control, you’ll be in control.
The biggest rule of all when it comes to texting your ex, or getting back together with an ex, is to first have a period of no contact, usually a minimum of four weeks. This means you don’t text or call or G-chat or communicate in any way, shape, or form. It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday or he just got a promotion at work and you “innocently” want to congratulate him. No contact means no contact. You can read more about it and why it works here and here.

Most of us are generally able to pull off being adult at work, or when we're in a good mood. Trouble happens when we're at home, when the mood is sour. It's then that we're apt to slip into feeling like a 10-year-old and get all sulky or angry or powerless. As soon as you realize you're slipping into that 10-year-old feeling (and you know when you are), it's time to remind yourself that you, regardless of how you feel right now, are a grown up, and map out in your mind what a responsible adult may do. Sure, there’s an element of “faking it till you make it,” but by doing your best to adhere to an adult stance you can gradually train yourself to feel empowered rather than frightened or small. It's a matter of catching and changing it; with practice, the catch and change will become easier, more automatic.
Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing: Infographic The Real Reasons Why Men Pull Away After Getting Close Exactly How To Get a Guy Back That Pushed You Away (Do This Right Now) Exactly Why Men Pull Away And Then Come Back (And What To Do When He Does) How To Tell If He’s Testing You By Pulling Away From You Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages: How To Get Your New Guy Back
Starting last week, she began to stop texting me and she would not respond to any of my offers to speak over the phone. My first response to this was to let it go for a couple of days. Then, I wrote her a kind letter (not discussing our issues) and mailed it to her (trying something new to keep the relationship interesting). When she received the letter in the mail, she responded, saying she would send me a note back.
My boyfriend for 4 months started calling and texting less as of the second week of January. It is true that he had some successive things happening one after the other which also prevented us for meeting since the new years eve. But despite that I let him know that I wasn’t happy with his careless behaviour. By the third week of January the date of his thesis submission approached and it just got worse. As I got bady ill for 4 days and he didn’t even get briefed because he did not ask how I was although he kept the conversation, I exploded on him and told him aaaalll I felt and went through and how he was absent when I needed him. My message just stayed unread on purpose till the morning and he tried to start a new normal conversation as usual like nothing happened. I was pissed off so I answered short, late, and tough. He stopped talking and by the time I cooled down he was already shut off. I ended up keeping the conversation somehow as he stopped initiating. By the following weekend I was near his area and we were talking so I asked if he feels like going out having some air. He made an excuse and I just headed home. We talked less and less through the following week, by thursday night we had a light chat and I asked how he was, he said that he was very tired and unhappy. As I asked why, is it going bad at work, my message just stayed unread till the morning. It was Friday 9 Feb. And he was quite responsive through the day, so I asked to meet and as he kept making excuses related to work, I just pushed more. So he just stopped responding to my messages and calls. Yes I know I did aaaall kinds of the things to avoid in these situations but I could not help but to see and understand what was happening to him that he had to express his unhappiness. After this incident I just disappeared too until valentine’s day at around 10 pm. I sent a brief apology message for my harsh words and putting the blame on him (when I exploded on him) while he was already having a hard time by himself. I wished him good luck with his upcoming thesis presentation (16 Feb) and wished him that he would never tell anybody again that he is tired and unhappy as he said to me the week before. I got an answer for this message that I was a wonderful girl and very understanding and I have nothing to apologise for and thanks for the good wishes and that I deserve the best and he hopes I will find what I deserve.
This process is often referred to as the “rubber band,” where a man alternates between being close to his partner and pulling away, like a rubber band. The key is not to move towards your man when he is withdrawing, because it creates slack in the rubber band. You want to give him his space and keep the tension in the rubber band so that he eventually snaps back and becomes close to you again.
Getting dumped sucks and when your boyfriend decides he doesn’t want you anymore it just tears you apart from the inside out. I feel for you but don’t worry because we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex boyfriend gave you for why he chose to break up is really why he decided to let you go. This may sound a bit mean, but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.
Last message I told him that I’ll let him having time there to get things done after he told me that he’s not struggling with everything. (he has lots of extra expenses for this move too) He said he has anxiety about kids moving away (where we are now and new location is about 13 hours fly) but anyway he will prepare everything for them to move smoothly.
I want everyone to know what tremendous help Coach Lee has been to me! I had been dumped and had not heard from my ex for many days. It was tremendously painful since in my past experience I had never seen the relationship be revived after being dumped. You can read about strategies which are helpful but if you are serious about getting your ex back, contact Coach Lee. Once I hired him on the case, five days later my ex called. A miracle! He helped teach me what to say and when to say it. He calmed me when I wanted to reach out to my ex but it wasn't the right time. Even when my ex went many days without calling me his vast experience gave me the confidence to be patient. You go through so many ups and downs. He knows what you are going through and calms your fears! He gives you a game plan and helps you execute it through the highs and lows. After five days of hearing from my ex, she ghosted me for 11 days. I freaked thinking now it is all over! Coach Lee helped me be strong during that time! Then my ex called back! A second miracle! We went for coffee! A third miracle! He coached me for the coffee date! We ended up getting back together and I now have a regular call with Coach Lee. He teaches you so many things that help you move the relationship forward. You don't give them what they want you give them what they need! Coach Lee will be my coach for life for the most important thing in life you have, which is your loving relationship with your significant other!   -Dr. M.
So we continue being sweet but we dont communicate all day. Usually in the morning only or at night but never missed to text me in more than half day. And then there was a time we stopped being sweet and he also stopped texting me and the next day he told me that he missed me and hes confused why bec. We havent met. And so we continue being sweet again. Slowly he texts me less and less. And then texts a lot again and less again.

To improve your self-esteem, concentrate on your strengths in all areas: emotional, social, talents and skills, appearance, and any others that are important to you. For example, you might have natural empathy, the ability to make people feel understood, a talent for baking, and gorgeous hair. Focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative can help you to feel adequate and valuable as an individual, especially when you connect the best parts of yourself to helping others.[9] If you feel useless, make yourself useful! Take your natural empathy and talent for baking and bake some fresh cookies for your elderly neighbors.
Hi Sierra. I get the feeling that you didn’t feel secure in this situation in the first place, that maybe there was no real commitment from him in the first place, and because you didn’t feel secure, you weren’t able to be as attuned to him as you could have been. Which is a dangerous situation to be in. The overall feeling I’m getting from your description (which of course is only a snippet of what went on), and from the fact that he felt like you were talking in circles, then he was probably feeling a sense of pushiness… Read more »

Hi Appollonia thank you for the article I thought it was great. I started dating a guy back in June 2018, it was like a whirl wind romance we were seeing each other at least 3/4 times a week, he asked me to meet his mum after about a week i said no its to soon, then within a month I had met his mum, best friend, sister, female friends, Aunty, cousins. He was bringing me to family events, buying me shoes, cooking for me, spontaneously turning up with flowers and breakfast, coming to my family events, staying with me for a whole week. For 2 months I spoke to him every single day. Then after 2 months he bought us tickets for a festival and at the event we had an argument whereby I had apparently reprimanded like a child. From that point everything changed, he became distant and we were constantly arguing. So I broke up with him in September, but he came back saying he wanted to reconcile. In October we talked and got back together, but he continued to be distant and make little effort, not returning my calls and messages for 24/48, telling me we're meeting up but never making a plan to do so. Always saying he's busy working as an excuse as to why we are not meeting. In December I broke it off again. We were at the same event in January and again he said he wanted to try again, saying we should go away for the weekend and spend quality time rebuilding our relationship this of course never materialised and 3 weeks later I blocked him on phone calls, whats app, and social media. It's now been 2 months since I blocked him and he hasn't tried to contact me by other means. I still love him and want him, but I have been working on myself and will not settle for less than I deserve. However I still don't understand why he changed and why we he became all talk and no action.
Hi Lauren, i had recently bought the book men are from mars and women are from Venus, it has brought me to try and discover more wonderful information on your page. My boyfriend of three years had recently just left me about a month an a half ago, we had just moved in together and were only living at our apartment for 2 months before he decided to lay the break up on me. He says he needs to find himself and his happiness, this term is still so confusing for me when things for the past three years were going so well. and just 2 weeks before he broke up with me he had talked about marrying me wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. as soon as he left the apartment and packed his things he doesn't want to see me or doesn't really talk to me and whenever we do talk it always ends up in the both of breaking down crying because its so sad. he has told me that he still loves me deeply and cares about me but doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I have no idea really what to take from all this, i know that i may have smothered him to much in the relationship but at the time i did not know what i had been doing i do know that i some how contributed to this traumatic event. but he is making it seem like its totally over and he is just cutting things cold turkey. i never seen this break up coming and he said to me that it just happened and he didn't even realize he was going to do it. after three years of being together hes acting as if he doesn't even know me. i just need some advice of insight on what might be happening to him or me right now for this to take place? ...
Once you’ve recovered a bit and are able to regain somewhat of a positive attitude, it’s time to think of how you can go the extra mile and consequently, how to act more efficiently. All the while, remember to keep some distance to not be overbearing to your ex. Especially within a few days of the breakup, you shouldn’t try to make any plans to get together with your ex or even have a long conversation with him or her.
I am dating a guy in a distance relationship for about three months, at the beggining we felt unbelievable connection soulmate like, he said he wants to marry and have children, he was caring and sweet (flowers, gifts, lots of time together). However I know he cheated on me at the very beginning of dating (I forgived him because that was very fresh relation).
He said he still loved me, that his feeling hasn’t changed a bit, that there was absolutely no one else, but that he needed time for himself, because he was feeling like he spent most of the time worrying about me, feeling like he had to guide me or something (i do not agree to that, because i honestly never asked him to guide me or to leave any of his activities for me)… And that he was way too tired of all the fights, he couldn’t handle it anymore, so thats why he exploded and realized he needed time for himself, to fix his own issues, achieve his goals and that he would seek for help on a psychologist because he felt lost, and that he needed someone to tell him what to do right now and that he didn’t know if this break up was going to be permanent or if it was going to be temporary. He also told me that i should focus on college right now, and use this ¨free¨ time to do that, but that he didn’t mean that i should stop thinking about him or he would stop thinking about me, because i was always on his mind
I did the no contact for around half a month after we broke up, I tried to focus on myself and improve myself during the period. After that, I started to contact him. He calls me and texts me when he has free time, and he admitted that he still loves me as he thinks I love him. He doesn’t want me to see other guys as he gets jealous. However, when I asked if he regrets making the decision to break up with me, he said he doesn’t. He said even if we’re back together again, the problem is still there…that we’re still in a long distance relationship, but he said he would like to see me again aside from all the future stuff he’s worried about. Is that just an excuse? I thought I’m able to re-attract him again, but I’m not sure if it’s possible to be together again before we meet each other again. Or is it even possible by using the method you provide? Please help…I really appreciate it. Thank you.
My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won't answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am trying so hard to stop contacting him via text but it's hard because we talked everyday for six months. I cry and miss him terribly and he won't talk to me. I am trying to hard to do the 30 day no contact rule. my email is girl8eliza@hotmail.com
I’m going through this exact thing. It’s heartbreaking. I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now. He told me a while ago that he had fallen for me. I told him I felt the same. The last few weeks have been really hard. With either really short texts or no reply at all. He’s been busy with work. I know this is true. I get that he can’t answer every text straight away. I also understand he has a life of his own. We’ve barely said about 5 sentences to each other over the last few days. It’s taken a lot for me to start this relationship. After being single for about 11 years. I don’t want to end up in the exact same place as I was a few months ago.

my bf left me for another girl.he keeps telling me that i am nothing to him.he wants to b with the other girl.he has no feeling for me anymore.this has started more than one year ago.by this time he also speak to me but not on his own mood or to rebuild our relationship.he does so becz i request him to be with me at least for some hours or some minute… we talk only 2 or 3 days per a week…but I can’t stay without him I want him back.plzz help me…if this is possible for me to get him back as my bf again??
I can understand that he’s too young to be in a relationship and that he’s not ready. He also said he wanted to experience having sex with other girls on his “lads holiday”. I was the first girl he was properly involved with, first relationship, first girl he had sex with. On the other hand, I have experienced having sex with other boys before I was with him, this was also my first relationship.
It was good, but the toxic feelings from the first breakup followed us wherever we went. Mary had let go of that fun-in-the-sun, summer-fling, freewheelin’ attitude I had desperately tried and failed to bring to our last relationship. She had made new friends and learned valuable lessons since our breakup, the biggest one being that guys who try to hold on to their high school ex-girlfriends are as dumb as they are stupid.
Work on your self-esteem. If you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.
This is one of the main differences between men and women when it comes to relationships. Men are more in the moment and are able to comfortably enjoy a situation for what it is as it is. Women are always looking for ways to improve the relationship and push it forward. It’s not that one gender has it right and the other has it wrong. There needs to be a balance between enjoying the present and comfortably laying the foundation for a future. It just can’t be done forcefully.

(Jason and Jane just went through a breakup after Jason refused to take their relationship to the next level (marriage.) Everything seemed perfect between the two of them. So perfect in fact that many of their close personal friends thought they were made for each other. Both of them were workout fanatics. Both of them loved reading and cuddling on the couch.)


I got desperate yesterday and said i will change AGAIN, this time is gonna be different and blahblah. But i confessed about why i didn´t change in the relationship, i didn´t take his words seriously when he nearly broke up and that i know my faults, what i can work on and i know it was wrong that i grieved our past when i was with him, it´s not wrong to grieve, but it affected me so much that i got stuck in overthinking that instead of working on the relationship. He wrote to me today ” my feelings got a little less stronger each time you promised me change and i didn´t see any, i gave you so many chances just because i´ve never felt this way before and i really wanted to be with you, if i only saw A LITTLE change i know my feelings would be as strong as they´ve always been” So he wanted to be with me but he couldn´t stand to give any more chances.
We broke up 2 weeks ago and during the first 2 days of our breakup he became really sweet as if we’re still together and keeps on saying he’s tempted to get back again but says we need some space. He keeps saying he’s tempted but he’s not doing it because he wants to stand firm with his decision. He gets annoyed and says he’s done and he doesn’t want me anymore whenever he feels like I’m pushing him to get back with me. He tells me he misses me but when he feels like I’m pushing him he always says he’s done and we’re not getting back together. After a week I sent him a long ass message telling him how much I love him and miss him and telling him all our fun moments together and he replied in a very sweet and positive way. He said he’s hurt because he misses everything too and i’m his happiness and he’s lonely without me. He said he wanted to talk to me and call me but doesn’t do it because he wants to know his true feelings. He told me that we will try again when the time is right and that everything’s gonna be alright. We talked the whole day but when the night came I sent him a long message again and he just told me “That’s too long” and said “well I’m working on myself and I’m trying to move on” he felt that I was again pushing him to get back with me and said he was just slowly letting go to not shock me and that he’s done and we are never getting back together. It’s been two days since that happened and we never spoke again. I want us to get back together and I’m sure of it. what should I do?

Let him go for the time being. If he really likes you, he will come back. Meanwhile, focus on yourself — exercise, go out with your friends, see your family, have a hobby etc. It takes your mind away from this guy and also strengthens you as a person. If he doesn’t come back, you just move on and become a better version of yourself. If he comes back, then you can re-evaluate if you actually want to be with this guy. The “pull away” downtime is good for both of you.

This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Just a heads up as this is an extremely important section. Remember when we talked abut how you are going to implement the no contact rule for about a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Some arguing is normal in a relationship. You may go through phases of fighting due to outside factors, which is also normal. The important thing is how you argue, how you deal with arguments after, how you heal together, and the way you communicate. The best way to avoid a fight getting out of control is to walk out of the room and not escalate the situation.
Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage.
Hi Andilla, Definitely, I've seen this work to bring couples back together! That's why I wrote the blog. This is the technique my dad, John Gray, has been teaching with success for over 30 years helping couples reunite. It's not going to work for every relationship - but this is the step I recommend people take if you want your ex back. No one wants to get back into a relationship that doesn't work…people want change, they want assurance of change so that they can trust you again and build something better. When it comes to friends with your ex? That depends on the relationship. :-)...
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