Why are these so bad? Well, first of all, they’re pointless because they don’t inspire emotions at all. In fact, they may even give your ex a negative image of you because you sound bored, uninteresting, and frankly, not like a happy person. By sending a text like this, you are sub-communicating to your ex that you’re unhappy with life and that you need to talk to him or her. Don’t do this.
Most of The Times the problem was you are driving away him.Most women doesnot know how men think and what makes them interested in you,and those who does not won’t share them either.I was also in a same stat of mind few years back.And my number one advise is that if you ended things for a reason then its better to not get back again.But if you think that was a mistake then you should understand a bit about what makes the men tick.The short answer is bad communication.Yes men a the worst communicators and there are studies that shows then spoke very few words per day than women.So the basic thing is you have to understand whats on his mind.They are embarassed to talk about their feelings.And that’s because admitting to this desire actually moves him farther away from the goal.Also you have to make them feel needed.Well its also a lot of other things too.I cannot explain them all in this comment.But in my blog journal i had written what i feel.May be they are just my ramblings but i found them true in most occasions.
And should even these small steps seem too overwhelming to take within the relationship, try building up your skills and confidence in easier environs. If, for example, you are trying to be more positive or more open or more assertive, road-test these behaviors with friends, strangers or coworkers where there are fewer emotional triggers to derail you. Once you get your sea legs there you can move on to the heavies like your partner or parents. 
big problem here. my ex and I have been broken up for about 2 years. HOWEVER none of his relationships have progressed into anything and have always ended horribly. we have maintained contact since but I was the one who first initiated no contact and he always broke it. I sent him an apology letter in the mail and he and I eventually got back together after our neighbor had a talk with him. my ex suffers from "lone wolf syndrome". he hates any kind of attachment, is extremely stubborn and doesn't like anyone telling him what to do. one common thread is he always comes to me when his relationships fizzle out. I have no idea why because I have always maintained that I agree with being friends with him (since we broke up he insists he just wants to be friends but I HATE IT) and I strive to be the best one he has. I try to build him up and make him feel like he's doing the right thing with his life (when he gets down) and he has been helping me out too. even this past memorial day we had a REALLY good time with my friends (I introduced them to him because he had been feeling down). but recently he's fallen back into his shell because of some really stressful things going on in his life. I had texted him to see if he had wanted to come over and hang out to get away from it and he didn't text me at all. TWO WEEKS passed and I barely heard anything from him other than seeing he had been online. so I texted him saying I felt hurt and neglected and he responded with "I'm sorry you feel that way, I just want to be friends" now I can't stop thinking about what he said and I want to get OUT of the dreaded friendzone and get back to being his girlfriend. advice please! thank you :)...
Anyways, we went on a date. Which snowballed into many dates and nights spent together. I was falling in love hard and fast. It seemed so mutual, until my birthday. I suggested we spend it together to which he replied he’d take me out for dinner! (Days beforehand we changed the dinner date to the day *after* my bday & spent my actual bday in bed watching movies.)
My situation is a little different than most, we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s currently in the military now, he just ended things, with multiple reasoning but the last one was him saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend nor did he want one. It’s been a week since we broke up and also a week of NC, I haven’t reached out, but is this going to work, is he really going to miss me even with us being so far away and his schedule being so hectic?? Please someone give me some advice…
big problem here. my ex and I have been broken up for about 2 years. HOWEVER none of his relationships have progressed into anything and have always ended horribly. we have maintained contact since but I was the one who first initiated no contact and he always broke it. I sent him an apology letter in the mail and he and I eventually got back together after our neighbor had a talk with him. my ex suffers from "lone wolf syndrome". he hates any kind of attachment, is extremely stubborn and doesn't like anyone telling him what to do. one common thread is he always comes to me when his relationships fizzle out. I have no idea why because I have always maintained that I agree with being friends with him (since we broke up he insists he just wants to be friends but I HATE IT) and I strive to be the best one he has. I try to build him up and make him feel like he's doing the right thing with his life (when he gets down) and he has been helping me out too. even this past memorial day we had a REALLY good time with my friends (I introduced them to him because he had been feeling down). but recently he's fallen back into his shell because of some really stressful things going on in his life. I had texted him to see if he had wanted to come over and hang out to get away from it and he didn't text me at all. TWO WEEKS passed and I barely heard anything from him other than seeing he had been online. so I texted him saying I felt hurt and neglected and he responded with "I'm sorry you feel that way, I just want to be friends" now I can't stop thinking about what he said and I want to get OUT of the dreaded friendzone and get back to being his girlfriend. advice please! thank you :)...
Hi Adirubbo, this is actually a really common frustration for women in the dating scene (a guy giving you his number and acting more passive rather than pursuing) and I'm working on an ebook/video training to help with this exact issue. But to give you a quick answer now, you did great. You let him know what kind of dates you liked going on and then he became more confident in how to please you, that's when he started taking charge. The more confident a man feels that he can make you happy, the more take charge he'll become. The trick for a woman is always: "How can I be pro-actively receptive in this dynamic?" Keep looking for those opportunities and you'll be fine. And if you want to learn more about this, make sure you're signed up for email updates. Hope this helped!...
Schedule a girls night out with your friends. Leave your man home by himself. Give him a hug and kiss, and then say “see you later.” Make him miss you — and show him that you’re not in a codependent relationship with him — that you have a social life, too. If he wants space, then give him space, while have a fun time with your friends outside of your relationship. When a man pulls away after being in a LTR for a while, sometimes it means he feels trapped or suffocated or obligated to you, or that he’s losing his freedom or sense of self because you’re now “all coupling all the time.” Immersing himself in work is a way for him to pull away from this codependence and gain a sense of self and independence. If you’re really worried, do an evaluation of your relationship — are you getting too clingy, needy, or do you want to do things with him 24/7 … are you having a codependent relationship? Is that the reason why your guy is pulling away? Sometimes, the issue may not just be his, but also yours.
I want you to imagine something for a moment. Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend are texting pretty frequently. The two of you are responding at a pretty good clip (meaning both of you are responding to one another.) I think in this case when she has already proven that she is responding to you in a frequent manner you don’t have to pay as much attention to neutral responses if they are in the middle of a texting conversation.
Guys don’t know exactly what it is, but suddenly their instincts are telling them to get away. This usually occurs at the point where the woman could no longer keep the act up. Maybe she’s trying to appear cool and go-with-the-flow, but in her mind she’s already thinking of ways to turn a relationship that’s really nothing at this point into something. From that point forward, it’s not easygoing and natural, it’s her measuring if she is getting closer or further from her goal.
Sometimes guys will think they have just fallen head over heals for someone else.  But sometimes the truth is that it’s not love, bit just pure sex.  So you may be wondering, how will I ever get my ex back if he is hooking up with some other girl.  Well, we are going to get into all that, but for now, just know that sometimes boyfriends will wander off either because they are lured away or that just have not yet learned that they are risking blowing up the good thing they have going with you.
He was posted back to his hometown almost two weeks ago to stay indefinitely. Now first week he moved we were fine, but one day I asked him if he wanted to eat dinner with my mom (we discussed this before he left and he had no issue) and he told me “we weren’t at that part in our relationship, when parents get involved it’s a huge deal” I responded that he should forget I mentioned it and that him saying that informs me of a lot. He responded “oh come on! You should know we aren’t at that level” I won’t lie I was kinda upset so I didn’t respond. Now is been 5 days.. He hasn’t text me to see if I’m alive or anything. And I haven’t text him because if he called it quits I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of going looking for him..
I met a guy whilst on holiday in Egypt. He seemed really lovely and we saw each other every day and eventually went to his flat ad stayed there at night with him so we were spending 24 hours a day together. Hr said he loves me and wants to marry me I didn’t take it too serious but then I found I had called for him. On my last day he gave me his number and Facebook. When I got back to England I looked at his Facebook it was all women tourists which he has commented on their wall my love habibi and sending hearts to them. The two profiles I could see were a year ago these comments were made but I would not have gone there at all of I had of seen this to start with. He also had one for Arab friends. I went to finish it because I am 43 and he is 26 and I can’t be doing with the drama of Facebook. He never added me but said he would delete his facebooks it took him a couple of weeks but he did it. I said messenger as well because of all these women he had contact with. He said he would and he did. We have spoken everyday and night then hr started no messaging me at night his cousin told me he takes women out shopping at night for money so when he wasn’t messaging me he was doing that and he was saying no women. I made a fake profile of a woman who was gorgeous and he added her on messenger before he deleted it.It came to a massive argument he said I was jealous etc and he said he wanted to finish it. I did a terrible thing and emailed his work and told them he was taking women outside the hotel (they aren’t supposed to) and he got fired. When I got a response from the hotel they said this isn’t the first or last time it will happen that’s why he got fired. We still were speaker he was still telling me he loved me and messaging me but he was sad about loosing his job and I feel so guilty I just got sick of the lies (if they are lies) I was to meet his family and then we were planning to get married. I forgave him for all that because I know I can be jealous. I don’t know if it because I wouldn’t act like this when I have a boyfriend. Anyway a week ago he sent me a message saying I will need forgive you for loosing my job no work etc. Although I had sent money equilvilent to his monthly salary that he lost and said I would do it every month till he gets a job because his family rely on HIM for money. We had a n arguement he blocked me off wats app downloaded messenger again. I downloaded viber a day later and said I loved him he said he loved me and missed me and hr wasnt going to delete messenger although he says he wants this to speak to his family he has gone to see his family so I wander is he speaking to the women he had on Facebook? He hadn’t initially told his mom about me sending and email to his work bit has now told her she says I am bad and he isn’t to marry me he said loves me still I said I will leave him till he has got rid off messenger. He said OK I love you and that was three days ago. I read this article and feel better but I do miss him but do wander is it worth all the bother with this silly apps x
Hello I can imagine your going through a hard time trying to understand this guy. He’s confusing you because he’s confused himself. He has distanced himself because this is what guys do when they are thinking if they want to be with you or not. This also shows how he doesn’t care much about you and more about himself. He says these things like I miss you and all that stuff to make sure your still around for him as an option but does his words match his actions? If he missed you he woukd see you. Does he see you? No ? Then he’s not telling the truth he’s using words to keep you about for his own ego and loneliness. There’s a way u can find out if he wants to be with you or not and that’s by ignoring him he sends u a msg like I miss you can I talk to u or just hello no mater what his msg says u say nothing. A woman’s silence shows and expresses your hurt more than your anger and words do. This also gives him time to properly miss you and it also stops you looking easy in his eyes men want a challenge they want to chase so give him what he wants and don’t feel bad about it either he hurt you did he care ? Sounds like he didn’t.

Often we women come across much more crutical than we realize. We are so socialized to being critiqued we just take it and deal. Men cant. They cant absorb it, it just sits on them and weighs them down. Always phrase any critiques positively? Sandwich it between two affirmations of good things he does or positive qualities. State you understand him. A man will “man up” when he knows his woman believes him to be a good man.
Im also experiencing this right now. I’ve been talking to this guy for a month. He texts and calls me everyday and after two weeks he said that he is falling in love with me. I told him that if I want to commit it should be with someone who is serious and for long term. He said he’s looking for the same too. And so we decided to meet and spend the day together. We were so happy and compatible. I felt safe and comfortable with him so I decided to get steady with him. Even it was time for me to go he’s still the same. Sweet and caring he even said that he wants to come and visit my home. Few more days and texting and nothing is changed he’s still the same guy I met so I was really worried when suddenly he stopped communicating with me. I let the 4 days passed without asking him what’s the problem. As I was so worried and confused I texted him like this ” I’m afraid my bf has been abducted by Pokemons. Do you know anything about this?” Just to make the convo light. Then he replied ” who are you?”. That moment I felt like my heart was torn into pieces. Here I was, so worried but then he just don’t care. I’ve waited a few days more and I asked him what’s the problem? He said that he’s been thinking if he’s the right guy for me cuz he has no direction. He doesn’t know what he wants in life and asked me if he is someone that I would like to spend my life with. He said that he love me but he’s too scared. I told him that love is a gamble. And I gambled for him and that I was really hurt by his actions. I even said that I thought we could achieve what we want together, but he didn’t say anything. I ended up the convo by saying that I will always pray for him and I wish that someday he would find what he wants in life and I hope he could find someone who would make him happy. He did not reply . So I guess that’s it. He pulled back and im not sure if I did the right thing. I think that he doesn’t want me anymore but I still love him and would be willing to figure out things together but it was him who gave up. I asked myself if I want someone like that I think I don’t. So yeah we broke up.
Act on your issues immediately. It is not enough to simply talk about your issues together. You need to do something to address them. Once you’ve figured out what is wrong between you, each one of you should come up with at least 2 things that you are going to do to address the issues. Tell your partner your solutions and ask them to hold you accountable– the only way to mend a broken relationship is to commit to healing it.
The steps to success in getting back together are very clear, and just like a formula in math, you have to the steps to a T if you want a successful result. You may have already heard about the hand-written letter (I’ll expand on this later), radio silence, and reversed dependence, but trying to figure out how to text your ex to get them to come back is not always a useful technique.
√Once time progressed I saw his temper as he became jealous and/or angry with me and others about things I didn’t feel warranted that magnitude of anger… After that I observed his responses to other people as well. His father even mentioned (during one of their disagreements) that he didn’t know why his son gets so mad. I found myself as an unofficial mediator that day for them but my fiance got offended by me trying to keep the peace(trying to tell him how to respond to his father…?) The next day he told me he contacted his dad to pretty much apologize(which he did lots of early in the relationship).
When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.

I also want to know how to communicate with a man when he does something that we don't like..because I read that men doesn't like to have told what to do or what to not,then if he does something that I don't like,if I charge him for it then it will be accusing him and he may pull away eventually because it may show that I am needy but you tell me I am his girlfriend so I do have some rights,don't I? so,how come telling my needs make me needy? My head just blows away to figure out the balance..sorry for the long post,but I loved your article and hope that you'll make some time to reply...thank you😊
Interpret your emotions. In the pain and confusion of a breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions, interpreting feelings of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life. In fact, almost everyone who experiences a breakup initially feels remorse for the lost relationship, coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Generally, the more serious the relationship was, the more severe these feelings tend to be; couples who are married or cohabiting tend to have the worst breakups, whereas those who were casually dating tend to have an easier time in the aftermath of a breakup.[1] But the severity of your feelings does not automatically mean that you should get back together with your ex.

Hi Lauren, this couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. My boyfriend of 7 years, broke up with me a week ago. I have read most of the Mars Venus books and am currently reading Mars and Venus: Starting Over. I'm not ready to give up on the relationship, he is my everything. He claims, he's afraid of commitment and that I can't make him happy for the rest of his life, but also claimed I'm perfect and don't need to change at all. Gave me the "it's not you, it's me" thing. I still have hope that if I give him his space he will change his mind and I'm not to the point where I can think about him not changing his mind, that is too hard. I have broken down and texted him a few times and told him how I was feeling. I stopped talking to him over the weekend and on day 4, I woke up to a text from him. It wasn't anything about us, just a video of a silly dog. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if he still cares? Is it just the friendship he misses? He claims I'm still his best friend. I can't be friends with him, I'm still in love with him. I know every situation is different and you ultimately can't tell he what he is thinking, but I guess do you think if I give him his space, he might come back? ...


Now, before I really get started here I do want to say that not everything I say in this section will hold true to you. Look, your ex girlfriend is a human being and human beings are notoriously hard to predict. What I will be talking about in this section should give you insight into your ex but in the end every single man reading this will be in a different position because every girl out there is unique and what is talked about in this section is a generalization of women.

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. We have been through so much in the time we’ve been together and I can honestly say that I am in love with him. He started to drift away and I kept pushing. Today I asked him did he need a break and he told me he think he did. I immediately felt heartbroken and didn’t know what to do so I panicked. I started to tell him how I didn’t want a break and that I wanted to fix it. I asked him what changed and he told me everything. I then begged him to just try. I realized that I’m forcing the relationship witch will only have a heavier hurt in the end . There’s so much more behind this but here’s the basis. I told him I loved him then I asked him could we please keep trying. He replied I love you too and said okay. Shortly after I regrettably started to nag him to talk to me. He then began to ignore me. I realized that I’m making him feel trapped in this relationship and that’s the last thing I want to do. So I sent him this a couple of hours ago : I realized that I haven’t been being myself at all and I’m sorry for that. I’m forcing you and I don’t want to do that to you. I realized that you were pulling away and I kept trying to push you back in. I’ve always told you that I love you and even if we are not together I want you to be happy. I’ve been thinking about this all night and the dream I had really opened my eyes.i Really do love you and as much as this hurts i never wanted you to feel like you are trapped in a relationship. If you really need a break and need time I’m willing to give you that. I just wish it didn’t have to result to a break because only god knows how much I’ll miss you ‍♀️ but if it’s what you really want than I understand. I am patiently waiting on a response. I honestly just want to know, if I really give him the time will he come back or have I completely blew it already ?
Hi Lauren... Please please help me My ex broke up with me three weeks ago. After the break up I begged him for two days. Then I did no contact for a week and tried to reconcile which lead to me begging again for two days when he said no. So now I have done a no contact for two weeks . He hasn't been in touch with me since. I am worried he may never get in touch again. It is a long distance relationship and difficult to go and see him anytime. Why did we break up? We argued about something...he ignored me for few days then when we spoke I basically shouted at him for ignoring me we then got into a massive row and said things back and forth which resulted in him saying 'I can't do this anymore it's over,' Lauren, we had broken up before and it took us six months to get back together because in that six months we were both going back and forth, when he was ignoring me I wasn't and when I was ignoring him he wasn't, we went back and forth like this for a while until eventually we both just kissed and made up and it was all good for a month until the next row. I feel that when we are together we never argue but when we talk on the phone we argue. I explained this to him, but he doesn't seem to listen or care about how good we are and does not wanna work on this relationship anymore. Please advise what I can do.... ...

Hey, I have been dating this guy since 8 months. He was a roommate of my friend. He really liked me since day one he saw me. Then he tried to pursue me and observing for three months and after that he proposed me . We have age gap of 6 years. I am older than him but I told him everything about me since day 1. He had no Issues with that. Our relationship was really good until his mom came from India to visit him. He lost his father after we knew each other as friends for 2 months . He said now you are the only one for me and I won’t let you go in any circumstance. He once told his mother about our relationship over the phone and his mom disagreed saying don’t think about this now and it’s not possible you are too young. Now she is in USA for two months and completely refusing our relationship saying my boy is younger one and his maturity leveled are not developed and we lost his father and you are older this relationship won’t be allowed in our family and this is not possible. He is 27 years old. He has 3 years older unmarried brother. His mother is very controlling and because they just have lost their father in Nov-2018 , he is supporting his mother and broke up with me saying this is not possible. It was my mistake . Go marry someone else. But mind you he was the one who convinced me for his love and supported me till May end 2019 but after that he stopped taking stand for me and I tried a lot, convinced him, begged him but he is so sure not to return to me. I have tried this no contact rule since July 1st . It’s been 20 days. One time he texted me how are you on 15th of July and I replied not bad. He didn’t replied anything else after that. Now I guess his mom is going back to India . What should I do next?
However, you can be hurt without acting vindictive—especially if your ex is someone you already think you might want to get back together with. "Put yourself in your ex's shoes," Dr. Bockarova says. "Would you appreciate if someone you cared about spoke badly about you to all of your friends, [sent you] an avalanche of angry messages, or revealed secrets you had told them in a vulnerable state?"
I might feel a bit regret for loving him that i feel heartbroken now..But whatever it is, the days we spent together was really one of the happiest moment in my life so i never regretted every moment of it. Bad news is, i find it hard to move on.. like seriously am i obsessed with him now? it feels like hopes are there you know, and its not giving up. i just wanted to talk to him. A single hey from him would make my year, but it seems like impossible. *sigh* life…
My vibe was affected by stress of school and radiated out into other areas of my life without my realizing…granted my ex never communicated how I was making him feel, but the breakup made me realize what had happened and how i can get those stress levels down and vibe up…I am prepared it is too late…he will never be able to share those vibes. But if he doesn’t hes also missing out because I feel good, a little sad it didn’t work out, but good overall.

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.
Here;s an interesting one and maybe I am being a brat but I'm going to ask anyway. Late October I started seeing this guy. I did everything wrong one the first date, but I din't care one bit because I honestly didn't find him to be great looking. Super nice, great dresser, good body, but different than I expected. Anyway, we went out again because if a guy seems to have most of the qualities I like, if I think he's super nice and cool, I'll give it a try. We sleep together on date 2 and again, I DON'T CARE that I probably should not have. He still wants to see me though. After date four, I decide I'm just trying to like the guy so I tell him I can't see him anymore. I don't say exactly why but that something is not there.He starts to ask why and then backs off (smart) and takes it like a gentleman.That was after like 2 weeks. The next day or two all I do is tell my friends about this and it occurs to me I'm thinking about him nonstop. So I text him and BAM! Back together, dating and having the best sex I have EVER had in my life. We text a lot, he intiates, I don'tact needy at all... It's nice, it's warm, it's sexy, it's just great. THEN... his mom dies. He has to leave town but he just keeps on texting me the whole time. Before that he even invited me into his own world at a ceremony he had to attend. Up to this point he says thing like when you meet so and so and things like that. While out of town, everything is still great and he says he doesn't want to dwell on his mom.I respect that so I don't push at all. Before he gets back he he says he needs to take me to his home town (a popular vacation destination). When he gets back I meet him but his flight was delayed so it's pretty late (not normal for us to do late night stuff like that). I even said if it's too late let's reschedule. He says no so I go. The next day is fine... texting blah blah blah, but the following day he seems to be distant. I do nothing. The next day, today, I text him first. He says he had a headache the day before but it's probably stress over deciding to leave an old job for a new one and a lawsuit he's in. He then tells me about it. But.... he definitely seems more distant than when his mom died, so I'm thinking am I just being a complete brat here or is he actually losing interest. It seems really obvious to me but I have recently decided I don't make excuses for a man's behaviour any more. If they want you, no matter the circumstances, you know it. what's your take? Feel free to completely call me out, if I am just being a big baby here. At this point, I actually do really like the guy. I wish he would say something like "I'm cray about you" or something but his actions up to this point have been great so saying words may be a bit much to expect less than 2 months in anyway. Either way, I just want to know if I should completely bail at this point because I hate this feeling!
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