Gay couples are always paranoid when it comes to holding hands in public. It’s getting better (thank God) but there are still days when we get so anxious that we fail to see how it affects our partners. Having a lover refuse to hold our hand in public can be devastating and traumatic. It’s just not fair. Find moments where you literally give zero f**ks! Grab his hand proudly, kiss him boldly, and let him know that what society may or may not think matters very little to you.
We all move through life at the speed of sound, with multiple challenges and pressures. That makes it easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure, and opportunity that sex affords us. And more often than not, sex ends up being at the bottom of a long list of priorities. But viewing sex through a different lens — something you want to do versus have to do — can make all the difference.
Hi Eric, I have situation that you’ve probably dealt with. I was seriously dating /living with the love of my life and we were so inove that we wouldn’t even consider anyone else. We were together for a yr and 5 months when an ex-friend ( homewrecker) began conversing with him in posts on social media. I trusted him, so nenever thought there would be risk. He ended up leaving me for her, moved in with her, and has been playing “step-dad” to her rotten kids. We’ve tried several times to work it out because he says he knows he hurt me, he screwed up and now he loves 2 women and he’s confused and has not been able to choose. He knows she wrecked us but can’t seem to get completely back to me. He even calls her stupid, and says he’s miserable with her. Now, I’m not so stupid as to not know that actions speak louder than words, but I love him and want to put us back together. She will never be the woman that I am and I think part of him feels sorry for her while I do not!! She has always been extremely jealous of me, but I’m in NO way jealous of her. Can you offer any advice? I know this is the condensed version of too many details to list…I wish I could talk to you. I believe there is hope as I know men at 46 go through mid life crises. At 45 myself though, I know what I want…hope to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks…
To illustrate this, researchers asked sleep deprived students to remember a list of words. They were getting a high score on all the negative words (81%) but when it came to the positive ones or neutral ones, they were only getting about 31% of these right. Dr.Robert Stickgold has conducted similar experiments on sleep and memory.[5] Now you know why people are always in a bad mood when they do not get enough sleep.

Hello, My GF of 3 months just broke up with me. We really liked each other, but I made a mistake of kissing another girl 2 weeks into college. She's back home and I think she just started seeing someone. I really like this girl is there any way I could potentially get back with her? I'm assuming she has lost all trust in me and since I'm miles away at college that she will easily forget about me, but I don't really know.
HEY. I was dating him for almost 3 years. But after a year he met a girl who became her bff in a very short time. I was very jealous of their bond and dirty jokes etc. I stopped him from talking to her.i stopped him after 2 months of their friendship. But he used to miss her. Then for like rest kf 2 years we fought because he started talking to her without letting me know. I used to check his phone and he would have made other accounts to talk. Each time after getting caught he told me hes sorry. I used to breakup but he used to beg and tell me that he wont talk again. Then i started talking to him again. But the cycle continued. I abused the girl too but she used to say that its my boyfriend going back to her. But my boyfriend tried his best to leave her bff. He loved me a lot. Sometimes i used to do things to make him angry so in order to take revenge he talked to her. We are in the same school even his bff. Shes our junior. But my bf didnt met her in school their talk remained in online chating. But then then there was a group of my bf's friends and my friends. We all were friends but somehoe aur group broke up. We fought and his friends fucked up his mind. He fought with me. Yes i did for somethings which he would get hurt too but he then started meeting that girl. He brokeup with me. And this time he had no regret. He said that i made him do this. He added Snapchat stories to make me jealous. I was about to do suicide after that because i hated that girlll too much. Though the are justt friendss. And i cant do no contact periods because i can onlyy meet him after 3 days. No chance meeting after that.
Remember that communication is key to building healthy relationships, so ensure you figure out what each other wants before taking things further. This isn’t to say that you should turn up in a white dress, as if you’re auditioning for Frozen: The Musical (you know it’s happening), on the first date. However, as you’re getting to know someone and during the course of your relationship, you need to ask questions pertaining to your future and whether you want the same things in life?
Me and my exboyfriend have been dating for 10 months, but we had a lot of argument the past 2 months and he basically broke up with me stating that he couldn't get over the fact i wouldn't give up a relationship with a friend i spent a trip with (which nothing happened between us) and that i never loved him back the same way he did nor he felt loved or complete, saying i was unconsidered and ignorant about his feelings. After many discussions on how we could fix our relationship, he decided to give up although i refused to let him go and i insisted to work on us. At the end i couldn't convince him.
Yes! Master this, and life becomes easier because you are living life, instead of ‘auditioning’ as Natasha sometimes refers to. When you realise who you are and what you’re worth, you become authentic through self acceptance. Only then will you be truly ‘seen’ by others. And only then will you tell the users and abusers to move on, because you won’t value the shi* they have to offer. Because you will know your own worth.

Many relationships go through a loss of attraction after being together for some time. You have to figure out and comprehend the reasoning behind this loss of attraction, and whether there are ways you can go about turning it around to re-ignite the flame he once had for you. 30 days should be enough considering that the relationship didn't end on a terrible note.
If you have, forget the remainder of this Step and proceed on to the program I made that describes what you (in this specific situation) need to do next. Why? Because 3 or more, “yeses” at this point make it abundantly clear to me that here we have a Category A situation. Most breakups in which the girl ended it, are this. Don’t panic, I made this website for this situation more than any other. You are in the right place.
A huge obstacle to getting your ex back is fixating on the relationship, pining for what was lost, and wishing things would be different. Not only is it an obstacle to getting the relationship you want, it is an obstacle to your own sense of peace. Think about it. Most suffering arises from wanting the present moment or present situation to be different than what it is.
Keep doing you unapologetically. Go about your business and focus on yourself just as much as you would do if he wasn’t a part of your life. All guys appreciate and respect a strong, independent woman—that’s exactly the kind of woman they want to be with. Just do you and treat him as a bonus in your life and he’ll soon try to be a bigger part of it.
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This is never easy because you will wonder about the “what if’s” of the relationship. If he is not willing to commit, you might have to let go. He could realize how much he loves you and come back willing to commit to a relationship. If you let him go, give yourself a couple of weeks to grieve before you move on. This way he has some time to think about the impact of losing you and he might come back.
Yes, it seems as though this man has you where he wants you. Even though spending time with him makes you feel better in hopes it will change when you see him it will not. Honestly, I would go ghost for 30 days. Focus on you getting the control of yourself and your emotions because I understand that this can be hard but you deserve better and you have a right to demand better. He will want to know why you aren’t talking to him and after 30 days you deliver that message and once you do you have the control back. I have an amazing coach that works with women so if you need anything in the future we are here for you.
To be honest I don’t think he is scared to take the next step. I do think he likes you and has feelings for you but it seems to me that you are not setting boundaries and voicing your opinion and standards in this relationship so he will eventually take you for granted. I know this isn’t the answer you want to hear but I am here to give you the truth through years of experience. Right now, he has you when he wants you and he does not have anything pushing him to be with you. Some questions I would ask is why does it not bother you that he is touchy feely with other women? Becuase you don’t want to push him away? Or Don’t want to come off bossy, controlling, or needy? If so, then this will push a man away because he will take you for granted. Now, if you are open to open relationships then that’s ok too. Just trying to touch all bases here. But moving forward you need to know your good enough and not an option to this man. Go radio silent for 30 days! Also, challenge yourself to do some new activities to keep your mind busy. I know this will be hard but do this. 🙂 I invite you to reach out to me for a coaching session too if you would like so we can get some actions into play.
I'm a bit nervous about how to approach this, I know I have to be light, to look like I'm making changes (which I am), to look positive and happy even though I'm not always like that. But there is a part of me that really wants to be serious and tell her to bet for me, not to take me back (I know I don't have to be pushy at all) but to allow me to show her how I'm overcoming things? Is it a bad idea to be a bit intense with a person which I had a lot of intense talks? I want to tell her my true intentions, that I do want her back, but that I'm willing to wait and for her to see that I have changed...I guess my question is, it is ok to voice the real itnentions in this manner? To even say, look in this time alone I did realize I do trully love you, and that it is not coming from a place of fear?
The new girl backed off after a while, and I will admit after my ex got evolved things changed a little bit because I wasn't sure what she would do. I was kinda always looking over my shoulder as well as old WAR wounds came back. The thing is me and the new girl loved each other a lot and was on the same page, even talked about moving in together after only being together for a month. It seemed so effortless.
My point is, this isn’t a trick you pull to “get” someone to commit and then stop. Because the day you stop is the day you give up. It’s the way you live your life together — can you think of a better way than to continue to impress and engage and deserve each other? I can’t. The key is to practice that NOW, not so you can stop doing it when you find someone, but so you can really start.
Why is it that when a girl and a guy break up, the girl spends weeks missing him, but he seems to move on within a millisecond? It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. Why should he get to walk away and instantly start to rebuild his life, when you’re stuck at home wishing that he’d call? He shouldn’t. You need to do something about it. You need to make him miss you, just as much as you’re missing him, but how can you do that? How can you make a guy miss you, when it was him who broke up with you in the first place?
HI Kim…thanks for stopping by. As I talk about in my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, this whole focus on No Contact is just about getting him back, but its also very much about doing things for yourself in a realistic and pragmatic way so if it doesn’t work out, then you path into the future can (and will) be fulfilling. Be careful about reading too much into what guys say during and after a breakup. He may very well not know his feelings that well. He might think he does, but time has a way of telling us the truth about our relationships. To optimize your chances, take a look at some of the ebooks I have written which you can find on my website Menu/products link. Let me know how things go for you Kim!
So true! You can’t coerce someone to be with you. When a guy wants to be with you they just will. That is what happened with my current boyrfriend. We dated before and he didn’t want a commitment. We broke up and dated other people. We started talking again after many months of being apart, became friends for some time and began spending more time together. It naturally came together well and after time we verbally agreed that we were together and just wanted to be with each other. End of story. It’s very simple.

Unfortunately, most women don’t process problems by others giving them a strategy. Many men tend to solve problems by finding and offering solutions. And although the solutions may be sound, women often just want to be heard. So the next time your woman is blurting out her stresses of the day look at her, listen and say, “It sounds like you had a tough day” and follow up with a hug.


You'll have to consider the fact that he might have gotten bored of the relationship or experienced a loss of attraction towards you, resulting in his current actions. If he has not broken up officially with you yet, but you know he is most likely seeing someone else, you might want to consider ending things or having a talk rather than disrespecting yourself and holding on for the sake of it. Once you treat yourself any less than you deserve, other people will do the same to you, and it's not the way you fix things.
Having your own interests can go a long way toward making him more interested in you. The more things you’re into, the more he will be into you. And if those hobbies happen to align? Great, but don’t feel like you have to go to the climbing gym with him every single week. If you run into him while there with a friend, do the Touch and Flake and then climb on.
If you have been waiting for him to commit and take the relationship to the next stage, it might be time to have a talk with him and let him know that you have been on hold for a while. You want him to know that leaving is an option for you if your needs in the relationship are not being met. A commitment is important to you and you feel it is time for him to decide whether he is on the same page as you are.

You're going to have dig a little deeper and try to understand what caused her sudden change of heart. Often, unless the person has commitment issues and is always looking for a way out of the relationship, thoughts of not working out usually don't develop overnight and have larger underlying issues tied to it, just that the other party may not have brought it up. Your chances are dependent on what this underlying issue is, and whether its something that can be resolved or not to win her back.
#6 Reward him for boyfriend-like behavior. When he does something that shows his commitment to you, reward him for it. Something like going out of his way to make plans with you or inviting you to events is definitely behavior you need to reward. When he sees that you like that kind of thing, he’ll want to do it more and soon enough, he’ll have committed to you for real.
Where do I go to meet the best men? Why do the guys I like so much just stop calling and how do I get the guy I like to get to the next level? These are questions that so many women find themselves asking and it can be so tough to find the right guy! How To Get The Guy from coach Matthew Hussey is the secret to getting immediate results in your love life. Our dating tips are designed specifically for women, with knowledge drawn from working with men seeking love themselves. We know how men work, their thoughts, their feelings and what makes them tick and I know how to hook them in for good. So check out our 10 amazing videos with the best relationship tips for women.
I might feel a bit regret for loving him that i feel heartbroken now..But whatever it is, the days we spent together was really one of the happiest moment in my life so i never regretted every moment of it. Bad news is, i find it hard to move on.. like seriously am i obsessed with him now? it feels like hopes are there you know, and its not giving up. i just wanted to talk to him. A single hey from him would make my year, but it seems like impossible. *sigh* life…
Here’s my problem, I was begging, pleading, and trying to look pity for my ex-girlfriend just to make her stay. We had sex then goodbye. Then i saw your videos about No Contact Rules. Following your advice about no contact rules was hard as hell. My target is FULL 30 DAYS no contact but in my two weeks of battle. Suddenly she texted me, i try to ignore her, then she call me using other number so we talked since its likely rude to ignore her at all. She told me she wasn’t happy in her new bf. She felt sorry for me. She’s asking me if there was any chance to rebuild our relationship?Is she still welcome to my life? I told her i am awesome now, i currently dating to someone else the she get madly jealous. She doesn’t want me to date others.She really want to see me but ill be the one who refuse to see her. I told her i will only see you when you come back to me. She wanted me to stick around but u said to your videos not to get in friendzone.
We texted incessantly for a month and went on our first date to an ice cream festival called The Scooper Bowl. I missed the train, and we kissed. We began a summer fling where we’d walk around Boston holding hands, eating pizza, and watching TV cuddled up on her couch. She made that summer in Boston perfect. It was only two months, but it was unfiltered romance.
I accept that the break-up was the best decision as it served as the revelation I needed to get therapy. I have finally been diagnosed and am receiving help for my mental illness. I love him, genuinely, and I want to start a new, healthy relationship with him but he was so angry and hurt when I last spoke to him, and I'm afraid that he won't respond to me if I reach out after 'no contact' or allow me to show him my progress... It kills me that I've hurt him so badly, he means so much to me and has done so much to help me.
It would seem like the bond you share with him is definitely stronger than with the girl, and she could simply be an escape mechanism that he turned to every time he wants to run away due to his depression. With the family, living together, and even having a connection, you should try talking to him about it with regards to getting back, or at least the idea of it.
But it’s not good enough to pretend to be less interested, you actually need to take some steps to take your mind off of him, what he’s doing and what he’s thinking. Get busy with work or school, stop contacting him as much, and don’t be so quick to respond to his messages and calls. He will wonder what happened to make you back off, and it will definitely make him want to commit.

However, my ex boyfriend is not currently at the table with me on this one since we are broken up. (He is not ignoring me or saying we will never be together again, but is making it very clear that our relationship is over.) I have been very clingy in the past and 'convinced him' to stay with me when there were problems. I think he is worried I will keep doing that so he keeps telling me that it is definitely over.
As he saw the impact of his new listening skills Peter all the more conscientiously dug into learning all he could from his relationship skills book, workbook and online program.  He realized that prior to the relationship breakup he had had no idea of what a high-skilled activity sustaining a loving partnership was.  Now that he understood the potency of collaborative dialogue, conflict resolution and emotional self-regulation skills he studied intensely every night as if he was preparing for exams.
When you show a guy that you are a giver and self-less person, he’s going to love you more. Taking the time to help others, says a lot about you. When you volunteer your time at the local hospital, to help collect donations for cancer, or to feed the homeless at Christmas time, you’re showing your guy what a great catch you are. He can’t help but love you more for this.
Yes, it seems as though this man has you where he wants you. Even though spending time with him makes you feel better in hopes it will change when you see him it will not. Honestly, I would go ghost for 30 days. Focus on you getting the control of yourself and your emotions because I understand that this can be hard but you deserve better and you have a right to demand better. He will want to know why you aren’t talking to him and after 30 days you deliver that message and once you do you have the control back. I have an amazing coach that works with women so if you need anything in the future we are here for you.
My girlfriend and I were together for three years and we got into a fight after I had asked if she saw me in her future. She suffers from severe anxiety and that question caused a lot of anxiety to spike. I pushed way too hard to get a response and I pushed her away as a result. My neediness and insecurity forced my best friend, the person that made me become a better version of myself, someone who made me feel like I could do anything, out of my life. I started no contact on September 20th and asked her to mail me my stuff on the 16th before then. I was really a mess and she ended up blocking me on all social media because of it. She still follows my sisters and cousin however and at a family wedding she looked at my sisters snapchat story which she saw me on in every single picture. I am confused as to what this means but I only got my stuff in the mail today, October 4th and she sent it on Tuesday the 2nd. I want to reach out to her and thank her for sending it and I want to be able to apologize for my behavior after the break up. I know I hurt her and I do not expect a response or even to get back together, I simply would like to be on speaking terms right now. But I do not know if it is 1, too soon to contact her and 2, if what I am writing sounds stupid or not...I am not the best writer and I used to send her my papers for what I called stupid check (shes brilliant and has phenomenal grammar). I am 21 and she is 24, we started dating in her senior year of college and my freshman year and became long distance. She met my family many times and my whole family loved her. She would come stay with us over the summer for a week at a time as well as for a week after Christmas. I definitely made mistakes but I just need some advice before approaching her. Any help I can get would be so useful.
But going through difficulties is what gets us in touch with who we are and what we’re made of. This sort of growth and self-discovery is invaluable. Breaking through that feeling of “I won’t be able to survive without him” and then discovering that you can will make you realize how strong you are, and as a result, will help build your self-esteem and give you that amazing “I can get through anything” feeling.
At the tender age of 24 I’ve met 2 10/10 kinda guys, they had the looks, the charm, the intelligence, etc, they were a “catch”. However, long story short, the sad fact is that neither of them wanted me. The point is that no matter how much of a catch a guy can be, if he doesn’t want you move on. Like I’ve said in a previous comment, if he’s not giving you a “hell yeah!” vibe, you best be moving onto the guy who will want you. You can never trick or convince a guy to fall for you. And usually you only find this out after seriously losing yourself in the chase.
This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/

Ex got mad during no contact. I'm currently on day 2 of no contact and she just started a fight about why I suddenly wanted to stop talking. I told her I needed space to set my mind straight. Just like I already explained before breaking contact. Still she said that I'm awful for playing her emotions like this. Since I said I wanted to keep post breakup contact and then a day later I found out about no contact 30 days and decided to try it. So I said no more contact after all. She ended up deleting me from social media. What do I do? What if after no contact is done she's still mad? Then I can't initiate the next step of casually contacting her followed by asking her out for coffee.
I recently dated someone who seemed to love and accept me more than anyone ever had before. He was unbelievably caring and always looked after me. He was almost over the top in his affection and seemed to wanna get serious very fast. He continued being very affectionate for the entire relationship but I noticed in the last few weeks he was making less and less time for me and started having occasional cranky moments where he seemed judgemental or said he felt pushed into things.
In fact, seeing a reconciliation as anything other than a combination of mutual growth and effort is a pretty unhealthy approach. "I would avoid the mindset of 'winning' over anyone," says Dr. Mariana Bockarova, Ph.D., who teaches relationship psychology at the University of Toronto. "If your relationship is missing some key attributes, no one has won in the end."
Where do I go to meet the best men? Why do the guys I like so much just stop calling and how do I get the guy I like to get to the next level? These are questions that so many women find themselves asking and it can be so tough to find the right guy! How To Get The Guy from coach Matthew Hussey is the secret to getting immediate results in your love life. Our dating tips are designed specifically for women, with knowledge drawn from working with men seeking love themselves. We know how men work, their thoughts, their feelings and what makes them tick and I know how to hook them in for good. So check out our 10 amazing videos with the best relationship tips for women.
So Eric I’ve been talking to this guy almost 2 years. He says he likes me a lot but does not know what he wants we not in a relationship he enjoys my company a lot I like him too but need more.I think he’s confused some times it feels like he wants to and then next time he pulls away say he been hurt so much he’s not ready .Do u think it’s an excuse or what .I know he seeing other people but denies it .Please give me your opinion

It's likely that the long distance relationship ended up causing him to have other emotional/physical needs not being fulfilled which was why he started talking to someone else which he mentioned was completely out of character for him. I suggest telling him to find himself again and to consider if you think that you could make the situation work until at least when you come back. If not, it might be a better idea to walk away for the time being. Having expectations not being met would cause bigger disappointments and hurt than not having these expectations in the first place.
Have you ever caught a whiff of something and a person or place came to mind? It can be the lightest smell that brings you back to a certain time in your life. That is because our sense of smell is attached to our memory. Certain smells will always be associated to different memories in our brain. If you want a man to miss you, bringing up those happy memories of your past will do just that. Be sure that you wear your personal scent every time you see him. Each time the smell hits his nose, you will come to mind. It might also be a good idea to spritz a little bit of that scent around his house but be discrete. He shouldn’t see you doing this for obvious reasons. If you leave your scent around his house he’s going to have a hard time getting you off his mind and not missing you.

At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends. Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman


On the other hand, if you want a relationship that will really stand the test of time and last forever, you need to make sure that he doesn’t start to lose interest in you and pull away. Once that starts to happen the process is sometimes irreversible and he will be lost forever, so if you suspect at all that he’s pulling away from you then you need to read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
First off… Why are you starting off your conversation by saying if he needs me to do things for him. You do them? It should be the other way around. A man should cherish you and should chase you. You shouldn’t be chasing him. A real man would never let a woman chase him. We are good at letting men chase us before we get attached. Once we become attached we become pathetic little puppies. You need to unattach yourself from him. Show him you don’t need him to live your life. Before you met him you were perfectly fine. Also if someone cares about you they would not leave you high and dry like that and drop off the face of the earth.
im doing the same thing you’ll do now your not alone i know it hurts but that what u should do, let him lose you and thinks hes a failure dont allow him to think he can play with your feelings, your not his toy if he cant decide what he wants then leave him to grom up and make decisions in life, hes immature and you did the right thing your so smart of going no contact and standing on what you want bravo, now do not let him take advantage and decide what he wants do what you want, you want him as a bf he didnt respect that he wants friends you dont so bye to him and lifes always comes around believe me one day he’ll come begging to have you back.

Yes!!! I made this mistake with my boyfriend when he said he wanted some space and instead i just kept pushing and pushing to fix things. Everything just got worse. It’s absolutely torture to try to not interact with the person you love but if he is having doubts, bugging him will prob make him pull away more and if he is having doubts in the first place maybe things aren’t meant to be. My whole philosophy is that if someone doesn’t enjoy being with me then I don’t want to be with them either.
Thank you Lauren. It's been 3 weeks now and I am pretty okay. Two questions though: 1. I wonder how did the story of the lady who wrote this apology letter, go? Did they get back together, or do you know about anybody else who have used this with success? 2. Do you cover somewhere if it's a good idea to stay friends with your ex? Thanks in advance.
Make peace with your fears and insecurities to diminish their power. When you learn how to manage fear, you become confident in dating and relationships. To overcome fear, empower yourself with knowledge. Become a student of relationships, instead of a victim of them. Study love. Read. Watch. Listen. Find every way you can to learn about how men and women work, so that you can become both a student, and a master of love in your life.
One of the most important anchors in successful relationships is found in the ability to understand and be understood. This builds security and trust for all parties. Often, in dating, this area is fuzzy or shoved aside and replaced with the two popular frontrunners in relationship connection: attraction and chemistry, but they typically lead to a dead end destination. What matters most is found in the power of communication.
On the flip side, some men will pull away just as much if their date strongly insists that they must pay their own share. As callous as this may sound, most of us have egos bigger than Mt. Kilimanjaro, yet are as fragile as a fly. Trying to assert dominance in this situation may make your date run away. Even though you’ve done nothing wrong. Yes, I confess… we can be just as confusing to you, as women are to us.

For years Peter had reacted to Paulette's complaints about him with defensiveness. When he did allow himself to hear information about what he was doing that troubled his wife, he'd get mad at himself.  Listening to her had escalated his agitation and distress instead of leading to learning. Now Peter decided he'd better address her concerns, beginning by writing out a list of all he could recall. "Information is power," he reminded himself to ease the sting of shame and guilt. 
During the courting process we’ve been conditioned to believe that men should be providers and women are caregivers and nurturers. This division of labour between the sexes has become a staple in nearly every walk of life, most notably, during the courting process. Despite society’s attempts to abolish traditional gender roles, many men still feel more inclined to “foot the bill;” as it is still considered a good gesture, and does nothing but increase our chances of being in your good book.
MeetMindful is the first online dating site to serve the mindful lifestyle. As part of that service, we’re bringing you a library of content from some of the most knowledgeable contributors in the areas of love and mindful living. If you have a story to tell or a lesson to share and you’d like to contribute to our site as a guest, please email us at write@meetmindful.com. If we’re a great match, we’d love to tell you more about joining our family of writers.
Problem is right now we are not really talking. We have not spoken except in very formal text messages (finalizing the breakup) since the day he said he wanted to break up with me. It's been about two weeks. He said that he would be willing to meet with me but seemed really defensive that I might just try to beg and plead again. I'm worried if I see him he will just keep trying to shut me off, even if that's not what I'm doing..
There’s no trickery needed in making him miss you. It’s a matter of sometimes curbing your enthusiasm about how excited you are to be dating him, and finding ways to assert your independence. Having autonomy, we’ve learned, not only shows him that you’re not a clinging wallflower but that you’re confident and capable of enjoying yourself without being glued to his side.
Risk factor: Medium to high. If he's a jerk, he may look at this as an opportunity for some bed-hopping, single-guy abandon. He may find he likes it better when you're not around and move to make it a permanent condition. If that happens, he's not worth the price of your return ticket. Besides, if you haven't had The Talk, no one's stopping you from staying on an extra week and having that little vacation fling with a lusty young cabana boy. If that's what you want, go for it.
It happens to many people, and usually for the reason that it's human nature to want what we can't have, resulting in the sudden burst of feelings in wanting him back upon realizing that he has actually walked away. I suggest that you remind yourself on why it didn't work out in the first place and stay logical about this matter, because this feeling you have for him is usually an illusion in most cases and doesn't last.
Hello, my boyfriend and I have been dating for the last 3 years. He did break up with me before about 2 years ago bc he wanted to grow and get his life together due to money issues. We are both almost 26 and in real estate. I did no contact for 2 weeks and I texted him and he texted me paragraphs about how much he missed me and long story short we got back together. We lasted a total of 2 more years. About 4 days ago he broke up with me again. He was the one that wanted to see me everyday and he was always taking care of me and I did the same for him. Without even me pushing he wanted to see me about twice a day before and after work and always wanted to spend lots of time with me. Even the same day of the break up he talked about moving out together and he always talked about the future and getting me a ring the last few weeks even months. He flipped on me all of a sudden 4 days ago and told me over text he doesn’t want the relationship bc he has to focus on himself and get a place and get his life together. Shocked I kept asking him questions begging him not to leave but he kept saying he has to do this and it was hurting him too. I went to his sisters wedding a few days ago and met his whole family. They all loved me and his dad told everyone I was his daughter in law and his sister said I was his sister in law. He told me the wedding made him realize how quick everything was moving and he needed to grow himself. How can he flip on me and act cold so suddenly. It broke my heart. Our relationship was very strong and we were always there for each other like a married couple. We even had a trip coming up next month. He just acted so cold so suddenly and didn’t answer my texts after that. I tried to ask him will there be an us again or future together and he just said he didn’t want thi anymore and that he has to focus on himself. I did no contact for 4 days now and it’s tearing me apart. I want to marry this man one day and I miss him so much. We planned our future together :(

None of this is to excuse men pulling away, and this covers only some men. But it does explain why many, many men feel more comfortable with their “hanging buddies” — who are in all the same predicaments they are — more than they feel comfortable with they women in their lives. I think many men both desire and feel profoundly uncomfortable with women, and terrified of being judged. Because they’ve already judged themselves.
P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason
Another important thing to take into consideration is that he’s a man and he may be acting in ways you, as a woman, don’t intuitively understand. Your guy is not your girlfriend. Guys like to deal with one thing at a time. If he has a lot on his plate, he may take his attention temporarily away from the relationship. This doesn’t always mean he’s losing interest, it could just mean he’s overwhelmed.

If you genuinely think she's at that phase of her emotions and might move past it soon (you know your ex best), then you could consider reaching out first to break NC. However, if it's simply an impulsive act on her part because she doesn't want to deal with the emotions of a breakup, be mentally prepared that she ends up reverting back to her old negative emotions (resentment, unhappiness towards you, etc) and the cycle restarts itself.

So I (F -30yrs) and my bf(27.5yrs) have been dating for 13 months. Unfortunately he brought up to break up recently:” I’m not moving in. I’m not looking for long term.” The thing happened back to September we basically had fights every week although we also celebrated our 1yr anniversary, my bday, and his family being in town all sort of fun stuff in the past one month. I brought up the topic of moving in together two weeks ago since I’m preparing to help my parents with their mortgage. And my bf is studying for an exam and his exam date falls on 10/27. We don’t have a lot of time to hang out that’s why I asked to move in to improve our relationship. Unfortunately all these things add up and stress him out: stupid fights, moving in, exam, etc. he came over to my apt and we talked through to just have it as a break. He replied:” make more friends during this break. Don’t text me at all. I will give you some feedbacks in between but I can’t guarantee we will get back together. I don’t care if you are seeing anyone else. Study is my top priority and I would see someone else if I have time.”
It may not be possible at the start, especially when the breakup was recent and memories of the relationship are still filled in both party's heads. He could be contacting because he misses you to a certain extent but is conflicted and distracted by his new relationship, resulting in him acting this way towards you. Depending on how recent, I would suggest going into NC for now to give each other some space first.
When you get a taste of something great, you will always want another taste. Men want what they can’t have. If you give him all he wants right away instead of making him fight for you, he will know he has it made on easy street. Where is the fun in getting something without a fight? Be a little bit flirtatious but don’t give him everything. For example, definitely don’t give him a kiss on the first date. Make him earn each bit of affection he gets from you. Men like to earn things and your affections shouldn’t be any different. He’ll appreciate you more if you make it a little challenging for him to be in your good graces.
Guys don’t know exactly what it is, but suddenly their instincts are telling them to get away. This usually occurs at the point where the woman could no longer keep the act up. Maybe she’s trying to appear cool and go-with-the-flow, but in her mind she’s already thinking of ways to turn a relationship that’s really nothing at this point into something. From that point forward, it’s not easygoing and natural, it’s her measuring if she is getting closer or further from her goal.
Every relationship is a power struggle. It may not sound very good to hear and you may not agree but that’s how I see it. You can believe in love, compassion and valuing your partner and still understand that at some point it becomes a power struggle between you and the person you love; in order to live out a type of relationship that mirrors who you are and your values.
Being part of a couple can be difficult, but the best relationship tips are really all about maintenance—keeping things fresh, finding time for each other, and coming up with ways to navigate the tricky ups and downs every partnership faces. Of course, it’s all easier said than done, so we’ve come up with 101 ways to make your relationship even better.
HI Sara…sorry for your pain. You will benefit by picking up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. (go to website Menu/products link). It is very comprehensive and can cover so much more helpful information that I can here in this forum. At a minimum, I think you both needs some space and time away from each other to work on things and let the emotions subside. The key is your own self recovery and you will learn more about that and why its so important. So go take a look at some of the resources here on my site!
Make a major independent financial decision. Talk about buying a car, a plot of land, a house, or maybe a Cessna. The reason: You're making him aware that you don't need him to move your life forward. And if he asks you why you didn't consult him first about the decision, jokingly say, "It's not like we're married!" He'll have to respond with a request for clarification of exactly what he is to you, if he's going to have any say in your financial matters. That sounds like the start of The Talk.
Remember that he needs to earn your commitment just as much as you need to earn his. This doesn’t mean that you need to put him through some kind of Hunger Games process and set him a list of challenges that he must complete in order to win your commitment (although that seems like a lot of fun), it means that he must shows sign that he loves such as listening to you, being a support, makes you feel like a million bucks and does things for you.

Hi Lauren, this couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. My boyfriend of 7 years, broke up with me a week ago. I have read most of the Mars Venus books and am currently reading Mars and Venus: Starting Over. I'm not ready to give up on the relationship, he is my everything. He claims, he's afraid of commitment and that I can't make him happy for the rest of his life, but also claimed I'm perfect and don't need to change at all. Gave me the "it's not you, it's me" thing. I still have hope that if I give him his space he will change his mind and I'm not to the point where I can think about him not changing his mind, that is too hard. I have broken down and texted him a few times and told him how I was feeling. I stopped talking to him over the weekend and on day 4, I woke up to a text from him. It wasn't anything about us, just a video of a silly dog. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if he still cares? Is it just the friendship he misses? He claims I'm still his best friend. I can't be friends with him, I'm still in love with him. I know every situation is different and you ultimately can't tell he what he is thinking, but I guess do you think if I give him his space, he might come back? ...

According to research, the number one cause of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate. If your relationship was otherwise happy, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations before things explode in a big fight. Other issues can be harder to overcome, like infidelity or jealousy; but with work and counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.

I am 26 years old. My situation is a little different. My "ex" and I were not officially dating- a label was never placed. However, we were seeing each other quite regularly and acted as if we were together for almost 2 months or so. Too sum everything up, her and I met through a mutual friend that matched us up. We knew nothing about each other but hit it off ever since the first date. We continued to talk, and gradually become very comfortable with each other. We began to see each other 2, sometimes 3 times per week. In the early going, we made it clear that we were going to take things slow and make sure that we don't rush into anything serious. But truthfully, we admitted to each other that we were caught off guard at how well we got along and really enjoyed each others presence. Things began to ramp up- sex, sleeping at each others places, letting our guards down and showing true feelings. She eventually wanted to make it clear that we were both exclusive to one another and not seeing anyone else, yet never did we place a label on anything as we wanted to keep the pace at where we had it. She would tell me that she's never felt so happy with someone before. Hearing things like that made me quite vulnerable. Well... at the snap of a finger, she began to distance herself via text. Then in our last date, things felt strange and a wall seemed to be up again, When we got back to her place, she sat on the other couch, keeping her distance. So I proceeded to ask where her head was at, and what she was feeling. She explained that she has started to feel nervous and scared of losing her freedom and the thought of commitment... I understand we weren't officially dating, but this girl opened up my eyes to the idea of a real relationship and I want nothing more than to continue what we had going on. If I apply your process, do you think it could work in my situation to get her back in my life?
Women love being surprised. When a man goes out of his way to surprise his partner, he sends a message:  I care about you. You are important to me so I want to think of ways to make you happy.  You are worth the effort.  He gives his significant other a reason to look at him with admiration and he enables her to brag to her girlfriends about how lucky she is to have such an amazing and thoughtful guy (and if she is active on social media, no doubt there will be some accolades there as well!).
my ex and i met 2 years ago. as with most relationships we started off really well, it was intense and passionate and we were really close emotionally and physically. we are gay, in a long distance relationship, we live about 4 hours apart which actually worked well for us. cos he's busy with college and i'm busy with work and we meet about once or twice a month either in his city or in my city.
This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Going through the strangest break up at the moment as me and my ex mutually broke up because after 3 years, we both noticed she has no desire for penetration. The day after, we hung out to help her get parts for her car, ended up back at my place having the greatest sex we've ever had. She says that she doesnt feel the relationship pressure to do things perfectly and feels unhinged, but states that she wants to be FWB with a chance of getting together in the future. This is when I chose to use no contact. If we can have amazing sex with penetration after that, I'd like to see what 2 weeks or a month can lead to in terms of long term.
I don't think you should try anything right now, until you've at least learnt how to stand firm and not let your partner trample all over you. Keep in mind that it always takes two hands to clap in any relationship so it's never completely one person's fault only (even if she tells you so). Unfortunately, as long as you remain like this, she is going to always take advantage of you no matter how many times you get back together with her and she may even think less of you each time. Learn to respect yourself first, if you want to win her back and have her eventually respect you as a partner.
So, when we just recently broke up, we talked about a lot. He was bawling his eyes out the entire time. I could clearly see how much this was tearing him up. He’s explaining to me all these reasons that just don’t add up with how the actual relationship was. We were happy. We were best friends. we were so in love. We talked about out future together, moving out, getting married, careers. I have a connection with him who I don’t have with anyone else and its impossible for me to see me having that with anyone else. I could go on and on and on.
Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.
So, when we just recently broke up, we talked about a lot. He was bawling his eyes out the entire time. I could clearly see how much this was tearing him up. He’s explaining to me all these reasons that just don’t add up with how the actual relationship was. We were happy. We were best friends. we were so in love. We talked about out future together, moving out, getting married, careers. I have a connection with him who I don’t have with anyone else and its impossible for me to see me having that with anyone else. I could go on and on and on.
My ex cheated on me a few months ago. I stayed with him because I love him. I have all guy friends and a lot have fancied me and make jokes and stuff about it. My ex said he doesn’t like it and me sending them hearts. So I stopped. So clearly jealous but he knows I never liked any of them that way. He moved to Germany and things ended. Blah blah blah a lot happened and I annoyed after the break up. But he told someone that he can’t stand me. When they asked why he said I CHEATED ON HIM WHICH I NEVER DID. Why would he do this????
Because something about your behavior is making her feel as if you are not really committed to her. She feels that, although she’s attracted to you, you won’t give her what she wants and needs from a relationship (i.e. support her, and not keep chasing other girls). This is completely different from a situation where you’re trying to get a girl back when she has moved on.

This particular relationship advice is for women exclusively. Big mistake women make is thinking that their man can read their thoughts and should “just know” when they are angry, hungry, tired or upset about something that happened at work.  Even the most intuitive man cannot know what’s inside your head.  Use your communication skills to express your feelings.  It will make everything easier and you won’t end up harboring resentment because your man had no idea you wanted him to pick up pasta for dinner instead of pizza.  


After a healthy and happy relationship for 10 months, he told me his ex wife wants to get back with him. I asked where does this leave me within this equation, he wouldn’t respond, So I asked him does he love me, he said no he does not love me and had never made empty promises nor used the word love! I broke it off and now it’s been 7 weeks without contact! I was hoping he would realise my absence and hold onto the good memories we had together. Will he contact me as I am following the no contact rule as you advise
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