Hi Lauren, i had recently bought the book men are from mars and women are from Venus, it has brought me to try and discover more wonderful information on your page. My boyfriend of three years had recently just left me about a month an a half ago, we had just moved in together and were only living at our apartment for 2 months before he decided to lay the break up on me. He says he needs to find himself and his happiness, this term is still so confusing for me when things for the past three years were going so well. and just 2 weeks before he broke up with me he had talked about marrying me wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. as soon as he left the apartment and packed his things he doesn't want to see me or doesn't really talk to me and whenever we do talk it always ends up in the both of breaking down crying because its so sad. he has told me that he still loves me deeply and cares about me but doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I have no idea really what to take from all this, i know that i may have smothered him to much in the relationship but at the time i did not know what i had been doing i do know that i some how contributed to this traumatic event. but he is making it seem like its totally over and he is just cutting things cold turkey. i never seen this break up coming and he said to me that it just happened and he didn't even realize he was going to do it. after three years of being together hes acting as if he doesn't even know me. i just need some advice of insight on what might be happening to him or me right now for this to take place? ...

I came across this website by accident and read through the article. I have been seeing a guy from Tinder for three months. The first two and half months of dating was perfect and I did not see any flaws on him,which makes me feel upset at the moment. We were always hanging out at the same area. I saw him with another woman the other night and was questioned him who she was. He explained it was just a friend but no one would believe such excuse. Ever since that night, we did not talk to each other any more. He texted me back yesterday saying he thought things went out of control and we both overreacted. I replied him saying that we may overreact but he did not say anything. He said he was also upset. I was heart broken and the saddest thing is I still like him. But on the other hand, I don't want to approach him if he does care about me. What should I do? Should I move on? I always concerned of not able to find someone who is better than him. Please help.
I've finally decided to calm down and stop pushing and go no contact and try to attract him back... but what I don't understand is....if he does come back ... how do people get trust back after something like that? How do people forgive their best friend and greatest supporter for suddenly dumping them and refusing to say why, even when they saw that not being given a reason was killing them? How do I ever feel safe with him again after that? How do I ever get over the really mean things he started saying during our post breakups fights, like that he might never see me again, or that his job and hobbies are more important to him than me? Even if he was just being mean I'll always wonder if he meant it now. How do I ever feel safe with him again when he watched me have a breakdown over our breakup and wasn't there for me and was still mean?

First, you have to know what you need in your relationship. It may seem “weak” or “unmanly” to admit that you have needs, but everyone has them. Common needs include admiration, respect, feeling desired, sex, physical affection, time alone or together, etc. After you identify them, let your partner know why these are important to you. Be specific about what getting your needs met would look like. If you need time alone, is that a couple nights a week or time on the weekend? When you ask for what you need, you give your partner the opportunity to respond lovingly, and that will boost your relationship satisfaction.


Over-thinking the situation will manifest itself into clingy and needy behavior that your guy will sense, and it will definitely turn him off on being in a relationship with you. So try to keep your thoughts to yourself. Don’t be so quick to share every little story with everyone, and remain cool, calm and collected. He’ll probably be so impressed with how laid back you are, that he won’t be able to stop himself from asking you to be his girlfriend.
Right now, give him the space he has requested for and spend this time doing what his friend had advised (working on yourself and making changes to your life). You can't control the timing on when he reaches out to you, but the least you could do is show him that you're sincere about making it up to him and have made efforts in taking the first step forward. He may not forgive you entirely, but at least he knows you're sincere about fixing things and may decide to give things another shot.

My ex started slowly reaching out to me after 3 months no contact. Maybe a message once every couple weeks. I played it cool & did everything I should do. The texts increased in frequency over the course of a month to the point where it was an everyday thing and they were going from casual texts to him implying he missed certain things about us. I did very well keeping my cool and maintaining a flirty fun persona while still having my own life and not eagerly texting back. At this point, I got a random feeling to check to see if he was online dating and when I looked I found that he had just signed up for a dating site. Instinct kicked in and instead of taking the time to assess about what it could mean and respond appropriately, I reacted. I texted him I miss him and lost all control. Ever since than he still initiates contact sometimes but only through Snapchat and it’s very informal or sometimes he won’t answer me and leaves me hanging. He never speaks of any memories or flirts anymore and now I am the one doing it. Everything flipped and I don’t know what to do. I was so close to getting him to hang out and see me. I feel like he’s no longer interested and since he is online dating I feel I have lost my chance. I really regret letting my panick ruin what could have been a reconciliation. It was stupid and careless. Idk what to do from here.
By keeping an air of mystery about you, your man will become obsessed and will want to get to know everything there is to know about you. Let him know how you expect to be treated without giving him a list of rules of course (that could be awkward!). This works both way remember, you want to please him as much as he wants to please you so learn everything there is to know about him.
maybe you should lead someone on for as long as you do before showing that kind of attention back. and you wonder why men think their not good enough for you resulting in pulling away. not being funny but too many women out there expect the men to try try and try only for THEM to get the so called ‘reward’. ever considered making it a mutual thing and not all female onesided letting the man feel like he has to earn some kind of reward..

And when you do give him his space, don’t be trying too hard to make him miss you. Don’t be texting him every single second that you’re apart. Don’t be tagging him on random posts on Facebook. Don’t be sending him selfies and snaps of yourself; thinking that this is how you’re going to get him to miss you. The only way he’s ever really going to miss you is if you temporarily excuse yourself from his life.
My bf broke with me on the 25/11/2017. he said that “The light of our relationship is dying” then we broke up. we dated before but he dumped me first then he actually fell in love with me, then broke with me after one month (he broke up with me right after my birthday which it’s on the 24th of November) we haven’t texted each other for about four months, but he’s still following me on apps. i really, REALLY love him. i also so hurt myself a lot during that time. i don’t know how to get him back. I’m crazy about him. We also made a promise a long time ago about getting married. We always talked about having children and what to name them. i just don’t know why he walked away from me
Keep the mystery alive. When they just start seeing someone, why do some gals bombard guys with questions and try to learn everything about them straight away? If you do this, you’ll know everything about each other too soon and there’ll be nothing left to find out. Don’t ask too many questions right away and don’t offer information about yourself unless he asks. The chase will be more interesting for him this way.
Getting back together with the one you love will require you to think outside the box and give serious consideration to what you can do to prove to your ex that you have evolved. If you keep doing the same things that you were doing during your relationship, and if you try to communicate with your ex in the same way; how can you reasonably expect a different outcome?
I’ve been seeing a guy who lives in same area, since last summer, we bump into each other at shop and been out with each other few times, all good and sparks fly when we see each other, I saw him other day in shop, we chatted for a while then he asked if I wanted a cup of tea at his as my daughter was out with friends, got to his and once again he had an errection , he says it only happens when I’m around and never happened before, I start kissing him and we ended up in bed, after I left , he text the next day hoping I had a good weekend, I replied, then all the next week he didn’t return my text but he had read it, I left it 4 days then text again, by the end of week he replied that he had a lot on funeral mediation with ex and long hours at work, which I know all this to be true, but he would still love us to stay friends, now he stopped texting and calling but only replies when I text, so I rung him, he answered my call like nothing was wrong , I also apologised for being insensitive to his feelings, meaning I may of rushed things on the day I met up with him, he said I have nothing to apologise for ? What’s happening here?
Adam, can you, please, respond shortly to us, the ones we posted replies in here? At least a quick guidance about what you think the missing point of the big picture is in each of us situations! I don’t want to post a reply again on you tube. I just bought your book and another program, but until I will have the time to go through the entire thing and figure myself out WHERE I did wrong/or WHERE HE doesn’t pick up the pace, I could really use your educated smell that says it as it is! My guy is at work every time I run into him…he is Police, yeah, Mr. Police, but he is NOT ashamed to squeeze his head after me though, he just wanna make sure I don’t see him lately after he pulled off…so I don’t think he is not making the move bc the “work thing”….am I missing anything?
Romance isn’t just about a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. A satisfying relationship can also make people feel happy and healthy. But keep in mind that successful relationships aren't just about rainbows and butterflies—a healthy partnership requires communication, respect, and plenty of good habits from both people. So when dating that special someone, avoid stalking their ex on Facebook, keeping feelings bottled up, and splitting the double cheeseburger every night. These (and five other) bad habits could make a great relationship take a turn for the worse.
Now you might be wondering, how can I fix this and undo the damage? The answer is the same as above, just pull back, give him space, and focus on yourself. Working overtime trying to undo the damage caused by acting needy is still you acting needy. It’s you being desperate for his approval and for his love and affection. Guys hate feeling that sort of pressure from a woman, the feeling that they need to be a certain way or she will get upset.
Throughout our courtship, I was utterly under the control of my ex-girlfriend. I let her walk all over me. She would call me at 4 A.M. and only stop calling when I answered. Being in college, I decided to drive down south where she lived to see if our relationship could work. I asked Mary to wait for me while I figured it out. She didn’t want to. Obviously.
A survey of 1,000 people by Lovehoney found 43% of women and female-identifying people had had sex with ex while they were looking for a new partner - the main reason was because they missed physical intimacy (42% of respondents). And almost a third (31%) said they had sex with the ex because they hoped to get back together with their former partner.
Perhaps a change in the way you treat her would be good this time around, but give her some space first. Start off slow, but aim to be the patient and loving boyfriend, especially if you know that she has a lot on her plate. Memories with you should be nothing but sweet, which at least gives her an incentive to turn to you after a tough day/stressful week/etc.
Hi I was engaged to my fiance for 11 years and things were going great until last July when he left me. In September I heard that he was seeing another woman that devastated me they split up in November, in December just before Xmas he contact me saying that he missed me and wanted to work things out, 2 weeks later he went cold on me yet again I was left heartbroken. Towards the end of January he turned up on my doorstep and asked if he could talk about getting back together; this time he took me out on dates and said that we would take things slowly I agreed. It is now the middle of February and he said to me that he needs space a week later I messaged him to see if he was ok and he did not reply back for hours saying that he ok. I am stuck in limbo as he has gone cold again I don’t know what to do anymore?
Peter realized that now, as an adult, he had more options than he had had as a child for finding solutions to his life challenges. Therein lay the hope for change, pointing the way toward healing. He could safely ask his therapist for attention.  His wife also did not intent to put him in a demeaning or emasculating position.  She just wanted change.
Interpret your emotions. In the pain and confusion of a breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions, interpreting feelings of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life. In fact, almost everyone who experiences a breakup initially feels remorse for the lost relationship, coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Generally, the more serious the relationship was, the more severe these feelings tend to be; couples who are married or cohabiting tend to have the worst breakups, whereas those who were casually dating tend to have an easier time in the aftermath of a breakup.[1] But the severity of your feelings does not automatically mean that you should get back together with your ex.

Take a leap of faith and do exactly what your ex suggests that you should do to move on. Obviously you shouldn’t take it all the way and really move on altogether or never reach out to them again. But let them doubt for a few weeks or even a few months if you were on the brink or divorced after a long marriage; push them to the brink to see if they are really capable of assuming their words.
What I am going to share with you now is the most common reasons being men’s disappearing acts! As you read through this article, it’s essential that you understand that men are natural born hunters who enjoy the chase. If he is interested in having you as his girlfriend, he will show you this with his actions. Be careful to never settle for a man that isn’t giving you 100% with his actions but is saying everything with his words. This is where a lot of women run into trouble in their search for a good man. Pay attention to his actions more than his words.
Found out a guy who I was secretly in love with for 9’years also had feelings for me. He reached out to me first and we connected immediately (even though We had been aquentinces) . Intense chemistry, he was telling me within weeks that he was falling for me, that he would go through his horrible divorce all over again of it meant being with me, how beautiful I am, how refreshing it is to have someone who gets his large family and who already knows them, included me in days with his daughter, we slept together 2x, he would… Read more »
This is why it’s so important to have an intention when you enter a relationship and to communicate that intention. It’s okay to want to “just have fun” and not want commitment. But problems happen when you date someone who isn’t in it “just for fun” and who is looking for commitment. When you get clear on your relationship readiness and the kind of relationship that you’re ready for (whether it’s recreational or committed), you dramatically increase your chance of relationship success and happiness.
Hello I could really use some advice. I did 2 months of no contact after my ex and after that I apologized for the way I acted before. That was about a month ago and we have pretty much been talking for hours almost every day. Now however, she has been going hot and cold on me and I have no idea why. We have been seeing each other a lot lately and she always seems really happy to see me, but lately she hasn't been responding to my texts (I have only tried twice but now I just want to avoid seeming desperate)I don't know what to do now. Sometimes she seems happy around me but others I can tell she is blatantly ignoring me and I'm all confused. What can I do? Thanks in advance.
Im also experiencing this right now. I’ve been talking to this guy for a month. He texts and calls me everyday and after two weeks he said that he is falling in love with me. I told him that if I want to commit it should be with someone who is serious and for long term. He said he’s looking for the same too. And so we decided to meet and spend the day together. We were so happy and compatible. I felt safe and comfortable with him so I decided to get steady with him. Even it was time for me to go he’s still the same. Sweet and caring he even said that he wants to come and visit my home. Few more days and texting and nothing is changed he’s still the same guy I met so I was really worried when suddenly he stopped communicating with me. I let the 4 days passed without asking him what’s the problem. As I was so worried and confused I texted him like this ” I’m afraid my bf has been abducted by Pokemons. Do you know anything about this?” Just to make the convo light. Then he replied ” who are you?”. That moment I felt like my heart was torn into pieces. Here I was, so worried but then he just don’t care. I’ve waited a few days more and I asked him what’s the problem? He said that he’s been thinking if he’s the right guy for me cuz he has no direction. He doesn’t know what he wants in life and asked me if he is someone that I would like to spend my life with. He said that he love me but he’s too scared. I told him that love is a gamble. And I gambled for him and that I was really hurt by his actions. I even said that I thought we could achieve what we want together, but he didn’t say anything. I ended up the convo by saying that I will always pray for him and I wish that someday he would find what he wants in life and I hope he could find someone who would make him happy. He did not reply . So I guess that’s it. He pulled back and im not sure if I did the right thing. I think that he doesn’t want me anymore but I still love him and would be willing to figure out things together but it was him who gave up. I asked myself if I want someone like that I think I don’t. So yeah we broke up.
If your guy is hesitant to commit to you, going away on a trip with a few of your girlfriends will definitely catch his attention. The whole time you’re away, he’ll be driving himself crazy wondering if you’re meeting and hooking up with other guys. This is your time to completely forget about him, and just live in the moment! Feel free to send him a text here and there to let him know how much fun you’re having, but don’t stay glued to your phone. Give him time to miss you, and we guarantee as soon as you step foot back in town, he’ll be anxious to make you his girlfriend once and for all!
MeetMindful is the first online dating site to serve the mindful lifestyle. As part of that service, we’re bringing you a library of content from some of the most knowledgeable contributors in the areas of love and mindful living. If you have a story to tell or a lesson to share and you’d like to contribute to our site as a guest, please email us at write@meetmindful.com. If we’re a great match, we’d love to tell you more about joining our family of writers.
Be someone that he’ll miss. Are you being your awesome, fun self when you do get to speak to him or spend time with him? Do you keep cool, calm, and collected? Do you have a laugh with him? Do you compliment him? Guys are pretty simple beings. They want to see and speak to people who make them feel good. If you’re a positive person to be around, there’s no denying that he’ll want to hang out with you more and more.
Thank you very very very much for the advice! Everyone: follow this advice exactly and there is not a chance you’ll not have the desired result! Actually I’m a mum and used this article to advice my girl who was separated and very miserable She followed exactly what I told her and I prayed it would work as I had no experience at all It worked!! It worked great actually and under the worst circumstances!! Thank you is not enough really!
You have given the best advice that I have ever read from any article or book out there and trust I have read MANY. I see where I have been going wrong with my relationships and I see that I am putting too much of what I want them to be for me in it. I see where my negative thoughts have failed me and how I can go about changing me to be a better me for a relationship. Your views are so on point and I completely understand exactly where you are coming from. I will continue to read and reread your advice until I get myself where I need to be physically and emotionally. I definitely dont live in the moment with the man I have been with and I have gotten the I dont want a relationship thing from him but I definitely see where I went wrong because this man was interested in me from the beginning and he is still here. So I see where I went wrong. I see where I need to change just from reading your articles. I am seeing clearly. Now just to adjust my behavior and actions. I believe I will see a change in him. You cant expect people to change if you dont change yourself first… Thanks for all the great advice :)
Hi. I'm currently on day 14 of no contact. And my ex has started a conversation for the third time in these two weeks. I keep the conversation short and unemotional like a friendly acquaintance. As stated by the no contact rules. However the undertone of her messages seem to tell me she misses me and perhaps even wants me back. I'm not sure of this because she doesn't say it with so many words I just seem to feel something. Should I risk it and break protocol of no contact and skip the 16 remaining days and ask her out for coffee already? Because if shes in the missing me phase already she might be over it later on. Although you guys say the missing phase can take a while. But still. Why take the risk? I hope you can clarify that for me :)
Made me decide that I did not want my ex back! I already new that, but thought after 4 years of being with them, maybe I should try. But it does have some helpful stuff, but deep down everyone know these things already. Don't agree with the no contact advice, but maybe some ppl need to hear this and use it. I had no reason to contact him or even a desire to. We were just too far apart on important issues and was my ex was unwilling to change, my ex wanted me to change my core beliefs to theirs. There are some good advice about learning about yourself in the book and everyone should know that no one can make u happy but yourself! I am glad this person is out of my life, and have met a very nice person with similar goals, wants and needs as I. So remember ppl there are lots of men and women out there, and one is just waiting for you! But they are not going to come knocking on your door, get out there and meet new ppl!

Hey Ryan, thanks for your answer before, just to let you know I failed to reach the 30 days no contact.. We spoke and we fight again.. This time it was even worst.. I cheated on her on a one time thing (Worst mistake of my life I swear) she knows and I decided to come clean to her, thing is for me lying to her she says it is too late for us to get together again or to trust each other again.. I show her the journal I was writing on her name with everything I'm feeling.. She understood a bit better but the bottom line is that she doesn't want anything to do with me again.. Fact is, I would do whatever it takes for a chance with her, I love her and I was really idiot to to what I did, I owned it and I admitted, Apologized to her 100x times, yet I completely understand where she is coming from and why she doesn't want anything to do with me..
You hate cricket but pretend to follow it just for your boyfriend. If this has been going on for months, and one fine day you lose it and scream, “I just hate this game!” Be ready for the guy to scream back that he doesn’t like your chicken biryani (though he loved it last week). Consider this a turning point. Shah explains, “The first phase of the relationship is rosy. The real test is when you start speaking up frankly and that is the phase of acceptance. In this phase, you want the other person to accept you as well as be your own self in different situations. The Reiss Wheel Theory of Love states that the second phase is when the worst in people shows up. Things such as their limitations and how the other person takes it calls whether you want to continue or give up.”

Regardless of who makes more, it’s important to value each other’s contributions to the relationship. This includes agreeing on how bills will be shared, how saving responsibilities will be allocated, and so on. In instances where there’s a significant difference in earnings between your income and that of your partner, it’s essential to ensure that they identify a purpose to their support e.g., he or she might accept responsibility for funding college savings, or family vacations.


For most of us this is simply impossible and so we try to impose our way of life, expectations and sets of values on our partner when things aren’t going our way. Life throws curve-balls and you don’t always have the time, perspective, serenity and confidence to figure out what you need to do to stay in perfect harmony with your partner; and to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
Hi me and my bf broke up 3weeks ago and before the 3weeks at work I ws ignoring him bt he doesn’t want me to do that he keeps on sneaking up on me everywhere I am and he keeps on coming to me and kisses me for two weeks the 3week Monday we had sex and he told me he still loves me and kisses me and waiting for me outside the shop to walk together but he’s in a relationship with a married woman straight after we broke up bt he keeps on kissing me and stuff but he broke up but I want him back and I know he wants it to but I can see something is not right there becoz it’s his mother’s friend and she is 10years older than him he feels the same wY As i feel about him anyone who can help me please
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