According to research, the number one cause of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate. If your relationship was otherwise happy, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations before things explode in a big fight. Other issues can be harder to overcome, like infidelity or jealousy; but with work and counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 11 years and we’ve been engaged but nothing happened. We have a daughter and I feel he does not feel the same about me. We’ve had major issues but always end back together. We having problems now and I said I want a open honest loyal relationship but ye says I’m mad and I spy on him because I want him to invite me on his face book which I haven’t been on ever. I feel if he can’t allow hes full commitment it will never work. He’s friends with everyone we know on fb but me. It hurts and I’m really sad about this because he does not want to be open with me. He the LD me today he won’t give my way until I prove myself. I’m confused and don’t know what to do we live together with our daughter but feels like a nothing and I mean nothing to him…. Cf
Ladies…all I can say is if you feel insecure about your looks then make yourself more attractive for YOU! Not for a man. There’s nothing that increases a woman’s feelings of insecurity more than doing something to herself FOR a man, or for the purpose of attracting men. It may make you feel confident and powerful in the short term, but that feeling doesn’t last if your focus is on doing it for him. Your purpose should be feeling better about yourself and increasing your own confidence regardless of men. What men seem to forget is that women are not on this earth solely for their pleasure. How you feel about yourself should be totally independent of what men think.
It's been a year and a half. He sent me a linked in request. We didn't fight. He was perfect web we were together but life has thrown me since rough punches and I felt like I wasn't on equal ground with him. He has money and prestige. I had lost everything taking care of my husband's yet terminal illness and I was sick myself. I felt I had nothing to offer. Now I have a great career and new car and my home is being remodeled and my last child is in college ave I have my health back. I broke his heart. He just wanted to help me and I felt like charity. I would really like to try again.
My boyfriend moved out 2 days ago and told me he was gioinh to break up with me, er takker a lot and devisen not to break up but he needed space. So noe he is at his mother’s house. I did the wrong thing by getting panicky, calling him and texting him.. he told me that i had to stop in order for him to relax and Get HIS space. I found this so hard and i’ve been crying non-stop for 2 and a half day. I got drunk the other night and cried in the phone to him. I don’t know how to get thru this and i feel like dying.. today i tried to give him a bit more space. He sounds so cold in the txt like we don’t know eachother. And my heart is literally breaking and my eyes are so swollen that it hurts. Anyone else expirenced something like this but still got together? He won’t even sau how long he needs space. And it frels more like he’s trying to forget the relationship.
on Tuesday after work he like came up to me and was like “i’m gonna start writing down my feelings, that’s what you're doing right?” and so i was like “yeah it’s this book” cuz i had the book with me. then he was like oh lemme read it so i was like okay pick a page so he did and then he read that page but then he ended up reading more. after i took the book off him he tried to take it back off me and while he did that he cut me by accident and my finger started bleeding. then he holds my finger and say “i'm sorry i feel really bad” and i say oh its fine dw about it. THEN he kisses my finger. then after a while he was sitting there lookin all sad and so i was like what’s wrong? and he was like can i talk to you outside and so i was like okay. then we go outside and he was like “I didn’t even realize this but i still love you so so much” and he was like almost crying so i was like aww come give me a hug so he hugged me and it was like really tight hug like it was different. but then he’s like but i dont wanna give you false hope.so i was like yeah okay i know. then Thursday he tells the girl he's "moved on" to that he likes her and that’s okay whatever it’s his choice but then on friday he tells my friend on snap chat that he still has romantic feelings for me.
I’m doing no contact and it’s giving me perspective and I’m working on my own emotions and self esteem and realising a lot about myself. I feel like if we both hadn’t been going through stuff and because of the distance. In a way although this is hard I see it as a blessing as it’s made me make changes mainly in the way I feel I don’t think I would have otherwise. I do want to talk to him again and I care about him but doing no contacts as much for him as it is myself. I don’t want to talk to him from a place of blame but one of giving and what I want to give is my confidence, mysetry, joy and best self and love myself completely so I can give them my best self. I really don’t want him out of my life despite what’s happened and am going to work on becoming my most attractive, happy, radiant and confident. You’ve seen so many people in this situation do you think it would be the right thing I’ve ive had and given him more space to talk to him I really want to and what would the best way of going about it?
I was in a relation with my ex for 3 years 9 months.It was a long distance relationship and he used to meet me every thursday - sun. Our parents knew about us and we were planning to get married soon. Few months back I noticed that he had been talking a lot with my roommate. I tried asking him indirectly about them but he always used to say that there is nothing. When it was too obvious, I asked him directly and he broke off with me on watsapp. He told me that I am immature and he loves me a lot but I'm like a kid for him. I asked him for a months chance and he said there is nothing left in him to try for me, but still I wanted to try and sort things out. In between that I found out that he had proposed to my roommate. He said he had feelings for her after breakup as he was lonely and he feels that she understands him well. My roommate said that initially she didnt love him but was only talking to him to sort things out between us , in spite of me warning her not to interfere. I love him too much and I did few things which were not supposed to, like begging him to be with me and trying to separate my ex and my roommate. My roommate is undergoing divorce and my ex says that both should get a second chance to be happy again. My roommate doesn't know if they have a future together. Few days back he called me and was explaining me that i should let go of him and move on.I know he loves me a lot and I also love him a lot and I believe that we can work on the communication and understanding issues between us. Please help me to get back with my ex. I have started the NC rule, but do you think there is a chance for us to be together? My ex and my roommate have been officially together since last 3 weeks and he has stopped visiting me and her.
We spent that summer together inseperable after that. At the end of the summer he told me he loves me. In that moment I truly forgave him and saw that he had made the mistake out of fear, and open wounds from his last (and only) real relationship… I realized the poor guy had never even experienced true partnership and love… I was excited to show him how a real partnership can be, and how lovable he is.
Avoid “hang out,” “go eat,” “Can I have your number?” – they are ambiguous and its not clear if it’s “just friends.” Instead “I’d like to take you out,” “Want to go on a date?”, “Can I call you?” These are all much better. Be clear and direct. I know, it’s taking a risk. She’s already not going out with you though . . . so whats the worst that could happen?
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Hi Lauren, I have a question that is related in a big way, but not too related in others. You mentioned the concept of men doing the pursuing and women doing the recieving. I'm on my 4th Mars Venus book - Mars and Venus on a Date - and I noticed that this is a huge theme in the book. So my question is: What do you do if a guy gives you his number and says "call/text me"? When I first met my ex, I felt like I was pursuing him a bit because this is the way he approached me. We met working on a project, but to build off of our newfound friendship I attempted to flirt and create the opportunity for him to pursue me. We dated for about a year and I thought he could have been the one - until recently when we hit a wall in communicating that I felt I had to end it (since then I've been educating myself through therapy and Mars Venus books!). But, while at the time I never questioned the success/failure in me doing some reaching out, looking back now I'm wondering if that's something I could have done differently? The problem is, I wouldn't know how! It's a tricky situation. What happened was, like I said, he gave me his number (without me asking for it) and said to contact him. So I did and it went well! Then for our first date, from what I remember, I suggested that it would be nice to get to know eachother more. He told me to let him know when I wanted to go out. I pushed back this time and insisted that he should be the one asking me out, but he refused. To refrain from more back and forth, I planned the date. After that he became much more assertive and started asking me out and presenting me with ideas. But I'll be honest, I was a little turned off at his insecurity at first. He later told me he wanted to ask me out but was just very nervous, so I decided not to dwell on it and just appreciate that it worked out despite how it happened. But because I didn't want to do the pursuing, how would I have gotten him to do it?
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I hope this article helped you understand what to do if a guy is pulling away. It’s a question I get asked a lot – so I wrote this article as a ‘band-aid’ to get rid of the worst of the symptoms right away. It’s important to note that if you really want him to stop pulling away forever, you need more powerful advice. If you’re ready for that, you need to read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Now, the following strategies for getting him to bring up the subject all entail risk: Having The Talk, no matter who initiates it, might either scare him off or cause him to give you an answer you don't want to hear ("I don't want a commitment, but I'd love to continue having sex with you. Okay?"). But come on. You don't want to spend the rest of your life pining for some guy who thinks you're great to share a burger and a bed with but little else, right? The risk is generally worth taking.
If you can’t get along with his friends, the chances of him making you his girlfriend are slim. To most guys, getting approval from their buddies is very important, and they want to make sure the people who are closest to them approve of their new romance. If his friends think you’re annoying and rude, it may make your guy back off and run from you for good.

I enjoy reading your articles. I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year. We dated before 6 years ago and the reason we stopped dating is because he said I was pushing for something he wasn’t ready for. I didn’t realize I was pushing. He’s saying now like he said before, he doesn’t want a girlfriend right now, he’s too busy. But yet he’s still interested. He has said things to me like, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot and there’s nothing I can do about”, “We are more than just friends”, and then he pulls away again. It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride with him. He lives an hour away, we only text once a week or so, and only see each other every 2 or 3 months. We get frustrated with each and have arguments but still want to see each other so there’s something there. We are both Scorpios so I’ve been reading articles about 2 Scorpios being in a relationship and reading your articles. I’ve tried very hard not to seem “pushy” and realize the relationship is what it currently is. But how long do I have to wait for him to want to see me more? What should I say to him?


I wish i was strong enough to follow these steps. I feel so lost. My fiance cheated & got her pregnant, right after i miscarried. I didnt even know i was pregnant & when it happened I had just found out about her & she was 4months along. He says he loves me & was stupid & ruined everything & i deserve better,but he has no choice but to stay with her to raise the baby even if he doesnt want to. He says its life & he has to deal with his mistakes. I can never be with him but we have known each other for over 20 yrs & i miss my friend, he wont talk to me & the last time we did he looked at the ground the whole time, just saying hes a pc of crap & he ruined our life & our family. I know hes unhappy, i can feel it in my soul & im sure everyone thonks im nuts, but i honestly believe hes hating his life. I love him so much & i can never be with him again after such betrayal but will he ever forgive himsrlf & come back, i miss my friend so much & it hurts me to know hes unhappy & its very painful he wont talk to me.
Talk to his friends. If you have mutual friends or if his friends would be willing to talk to you without telling your ex about it, consider asking them what they think the chances are that your ex would want to get back together with you. They are more likely than you to know if he has a new girlfriend or if he's dying to get back together with you.[5]
Forget all those relationship expert columns that tell you it’s most important to your man that he first see what’s in your heart. Bull****. It’s most important to see what’s inside your clothes. Now, before you scream, “Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig!” listen carefully. I’m not saying that we need to get into your pants right away in order to enjoy your company. But I am saying that men definitely need to know that you have the goods and that you take care of yourself. To put it bluntly, a guy’s first interest in a woman has nothing to do with the handbag she’s carrying or that she graduated from an Ivy League school. What your (potential) man wants you to know but won’t tell you is that his initial attraction is all about your appearance and physical being, which sends a flood of highly charged testosterone racing through his veins. Yes, the physical is first, and we’re not saying we won’t eventually fall in love with your intelligence, kindness, and humor. These extremely important attributes are the ones that will ultimately be critical in helping you hook us. But in the beginning the number-one attribute is what you look like and how well you take care of yourself.
When you get a taste of something great, you will always want another taste. Men want what they can’t have. If you give him all he wants right away instead of making him fight for you, he will know he has it made on easy street. Where is the fun in getting something without a fight? Be a little bit flirtatious but don’t give him everything. For example, definitely don’t give him a kiss on the first date. Make him earn each bit of affection he gets from you. Men like to earn things and your affections shouldn’t be any different. He’ll appreciate you more if you make it a little challenging for him to be in your good graces.

When a girl feels disconnected from her boyfriend due to his lack of emotional availability/overdone ‘badboyness’, she’ll think he isn’t interested in her enough for him to be a reliable partner. She’ll feel like she can’t really ‘get close’ to him, which is something she needs in a relationship because closeness shows her that he won’t just up and leave at some point. Girls do dump guys for this.
my story: met a lousy guy on tinder who promised to pick the stars from the sky for me, we had a few dates and i have to advise all the women out there to be careful especially with guys who get affectionate,caring, and future-planning too soon because it’s a cheap hoax to get the woman into having sex and then dumping her cold-turkey.if they realise the woman won’t have sex with them(like me)they run off and find other ‘candidates’ to lie to.my guy ‘friend-zoned’me to keep me hanging on because he thought that maybe he could one day drag me into the sheets but i ended the whole thing on that creepy liar.additionally i caught him with a few other girls so please ladies:pay attention
When you show a guy that you are a giver and self-less person, he’s going to love you more. Taking the time to help others, says a lot about you. When you volunteer your time at the local hospital, to help collect donations for cancer, or to feed the homeless at Christmas time, you’re showing your guy what a great catch you are. He can’t help but love you more for this.
I need advice. We met on match.com and only dated about 3 weeks but had a great connection from the very beginning. Plus we share a lot in common (we agree about a lot, graduated high school same year, kids are same age). But he broke it off because 1) we moved too fast (didn’t have sex but went further than we intended by date 2) and 2) we’re in different places in our lives – I’m going through a divorce and he’s been divorced for years. I’m devastated. We ended things amicably last week (I didn’t fight it, though I wanted to) and we haven’t been in contact. But he’s been back on match.com already. My question is, what are our chances for trying again in the future? Did moving too fast derail us completely?
Therefore, make sure that you keep kissing your partner! The 9-second kiss is a way to ensure that you connect intimately in this way, every day. When you or your partner comes home, make the first contact between the two of you, a kiss – a kiss that lasts for at least 9 seconds – while you closely hug each other. Make it a juicy, sexy and succulent kiss! Through kissing, you connect. Kissing creates desire. It brings you closer to your partner.
I have been with this boy for almost two years now. I may be judged for putting this out as right now I am 13 going on 14 but I can tell you we have an accual relationship as all adults do. Some things are different of course but the fact that we have been almost two years strong should tell you something. I have been upset lately because I’ve been dealing and doing these things to my boyfriend and this has crossed my mind and I came here for help so I am going to try this out. I hope I can recive some positive comments back of support and advise. Please no judgement for my age. I can honestly tell you, my parents fight and have a less mature relationship at times then we do. I only seek support and advise. Thank you.

So now that we know what the reasons might be, it's easier to understand how to react or, more importantly, how not to react. After careful observation of love and dating, this is what I know to be true: Convincing a man to love you will never work. Trying to persuade him to see how great you are together is pointless. Sharing your feelings with the hopes he will realize how much he means to you will also get you nowhere.
This whole post really does make me think. Perhaps we have been conditioned to think that giving our partner space is the appropriate way to act? And, in a lot of cases it does cause the relationship to become somewhat stable again. But, I honestly think that if someone asks for space, or “changes”by contacting you less, it is a sign that they are an emotionally unstable person, who will only break you by making you feel paranoid.
4. We are sad. And yes, men pull away when we are being sad or feeling down for some reason. We are waiting for you to come and ask “what’s wrong” and give us a hug. But if you don’t come we pull away even more. And more. And more until you come or we end up feeling that you don’t care about us. Men love empathic and loving womens. Even when we don’t admit it. Even most strongest alpha male wants to feel loved and cared when he feels weak and if you show us that you care we will love you forever. Seriously this isn’t a lie. Most simplest way to make a man stay true to you or love you is just to make him feel cared. Give him a hug when he needs it, tell him sometimes he still looks handsome and cool even when he’s getting older etc. I know that there is douchebags who will betray you no matter what you do or leave you, but real men want the same thing you do: to have that one loving partner in their life who makes them feel cared and loved every day.
Wow, the anger. No wonder you may be having relationship issues. It has nothing to do with lying or hiding true feelings. It’s about letting a guy have his space. If you come after me saying how horrible I am etc. etc. I will NEVER want to see you again. Nobody likes that kind of women, and no man wants to date his mother. Also pulling away is not “bad behavior.” Would you rather he spend time with you but verbally and physically abuse you? Bad behavior is if the guy is rude and abusive and mean, etc. Pulling away is a man’s way of saying “Look, I like you a lot, but I really need some time and space to sort things out.” If you can’t accept that not everything is rosy and happy all the time, and that if the man you “love” needs to pull away and you just bark and say “you’re behaving badly,” then you have no reason to be in a relationship.
This is why it’s so important to have an intention when you enter a relationship and to communicate that intention. It’s okay to want to “just have fun” and not want commitment. But problems happen when you date someone who isn’t in it “just for fun” and who is looking for commitment. When you get clear on your relationship readiness and the kind of relationship that you’re ready for (whether it’s recreational or committed), you dramatically increase your chance of relationship success and happiness.
While Peter was suffering deeply, journaling in emails enabled Peter's initial thoughts and feelings to flow through a natural grieving and healing process. Having a trusted friend or relative to talk with can help similarly. The first shock of a separation typically induces a reaction similarly to the disbelief and pain of loss that people experience after the sudden death of a loved one. Peter's journal entries enabled him to dump, explode and vomit out his distress, launching his recovery process.
Girls want to see self-improvement from guys. Maybe your girlfriend complained about something you did while you two were in your relationship. Maybe there's something that you know you can improve simply because it will make you a better person. Well, now's the time to strike. Cut your video game playing down to a reasonable time, if that's what she wants, or start wearing cleaner clothes when you're around her. If you focus on being a better person while apart, you can go back to her with the "evidence" that you're a new guy.
I have been in love with the same guy for about three years,in the beginning he told me he did not want anything serious …so I did distance my self for a little while, however now we spend all are time together…going to the gym, going to his friends place cooking together …he keeps contact with me through out the day…it seems very much like a relationship with out a title…
Plus, it gives you the time to get past the initial unbearable phase of missing him and into a more even-tempered, secure mentality. Instead of trying to figure out signs your ex still loves you, you’ll be working on yourself and getting yourself into a better mindset. It gives you the space to say, “I don’t need him to be happy – I can be happy all on my own”.
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