So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

My ex-boyfriend recently broke up with me almost two weeks ago. We had been dating for 3 years and 4 months. The day after the breakup I asked to meet him and tried to convince him. I failed. The next day I called him and failed to convince him again. 6 days later I met with him again to get closure, but ended up with nothing again. It is my 5th day of no contact and I intend to give him a month or two of NC. We have "broken up" before, but it was usually only for a day and typically were caused by small fights where one of us was stressed and lashed out. One of the reasons we broke up this time was because he said he didn't have romantic feelings towards me and just loved me as a friend. He said that he struggled with his feelings for me in our third year and started to feel like our relationship was a chore and allowed these feelings to bottle up inside of him. He also had a lot going on which I think is another factor that affected our relationship. When he broke up with me he said things like "I don't love you anymore", he agreed that I made him feel loved and wanted, he said I tried my best, but said he still couldn't love me like that. He also said that he didn't want to go through that cycle of breaking up and making up and wasn't ready to be in a relationship right now. Although I want to accept this gracefully and respect his decision, I still would like him in my life. I feel confident we can make it work. Part of me is scared that he won't reach out or be open to starting a new relationship with me, but I love him and want to be the one to make him happy. I don't know if we have a chance. Everyone says we don't have a chance and that he won't change his mind, but I want to know what you think. I want to believe and start this NC period with some optimism and hope. Do we have a chance?


My ex and I broke up a few months ago, I cheated on him, he pretended to forgive me and then he moved on to someone else and then I went through all stages of crazy. Begged him to take me back, spoke to the new girl and told her all the reasons he wasn’t right for her and then he decided to break up with me for real. Claimed what he had with her was ephemeral but I ruined his reputation when I spoke to her. I tried the no contact, did it for 9 days, then I panicked and begged him to take me back, of course he said no, there’s someone else. Then after that time, we met up a few times and had sexually related stuffs…no penetrative sex. Then I decided to restart the no contact. Intend to start tomorrow, unfortunately we are classmates. Yesterday I tried to get him jealous by telling him I met a more handsome guy. He told me many reasons why this guy isn’t right for me. Anyways I am scared that if we continue this way, I’m going to be friend zoned so much that we won’t have any chances again. I don’t want to block him over whatsapp because then he will probably block me too and feel I’ve moved on with this other guy. But it’s quite difficult doing no contact when he is constantly trying to communicate and also, I’m from Nigeria. Virginity means alot to guys here. He was my first and unfortunately the new girl he’s with now is also a virgin and very hot
My ex and I broke up a few months ago, I cheated on him, he pretended to forgive me and then he moved on to someone else and then I went through all stages of crazy. Begged him to take me back, spoke to the new girl and told her all the reasons he wasn’t right for her and then he decided to break up with me for real. Claimed what he had with her was ephemeral but I ruined his reputation when I spoke to her. I tried the no contact, did it for 9 days, then I panicked and begged him to take me back, of course he said no, there’s someone else. Then after that time, we met up a few times and had sexually related stuffs…no penetrative sex. Then I decided to restart the no contact. Intend to start tomorrow, unfortunately we are classmates. Yesterday I tried to get him jealous by telling him I met a more handsome guy. He told me many reasons why this guy isn’t right for me. Anyways I am scared that if we continue this way, I’m going to be friend zoned so much that we won’t have any chances again. I don’t want to block him over whatsapp because then he will probably block me too and feel I’ve moved on with this other guy. But it’s quite difficult doing no contact when he is constantly trying to communicate and also, I’m from Nigeria. Virginity means alot to guys here. He was my first and unfortunately the new girl he’s with now is also a virgin and very hot
You don't have to stay in the dark forever, though. If it's been about six months and he hasn't dropped one hint about where he sees this going, casually speak up, says Jennifer Kelman, a licensed social worker and relationship expert at Pearl.com. For example, if you'd like him to meet your parents, ask if he'd be up for going out to dinner with them, but let him know there's no harm if he's not quite ready for that yet. Above all, keep the tone light and maintain open lines of communication.
I met in 2007 in the United States, I’m in Canada we met at a concert and for me, as soon as I saw him I knew I loved him. We hit it off and within a few weeks I was going to the states to visit him, we started dating and I was so happy, but because of the distance and him not being able to cross the boarder to come up and see me( he tried once) due to felonies in the states, I wasn’t able to go every weekend. He started to go down a bad path and got into drugs, I was always there for him even tho I didn’t know the extent of what he was doing. I told him I loved him, and he freaked out, we drifted apart and I was hurt.
We had agreed to always be good friends if we ever broke up and stay close, so after he started talking again I treated him like a close friend and I tried to find out why he'd broken up with me so i could clarify anything id done to upset him. He will not give me a proper reason and I don't know why. He's given me all these really vague hints about how I "have really hurt him" but wont say how, i "don't accept him", something about how I've apparently lied to him (I havent) but he refuses to tell me what I've lied about, says he doesn't trust me "with anything",says we "never made sense" when a month earlier he seemed madly in love with me, says he doesn't have enough time or patience for me (which somehow wasn't much of an issue when we first started dating despite his busy life) and has told me I should be able to figure out the reason myself. I have no idea where this is all coming from and am totally bewildered and so confused what I did wrong.
Invest in sharing your message thoughtfully, clearly, respectfully (self-respect and respect to the party involved). Seek to be understood, and most importantly, invest in understanding what your partner is trying to share with you. This will build a secure foundation in love, respect and fulfillment for you and the one you love. “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen Covey 
Now it is just about two years later. We are happily in love, lI’ve together and have never had a fight or argument. We’ve had disagreements, naturally, but we work through them effortlessly. He is an amazing and loving partner. He holds me if I cry, and supports me following my dreams. He’s there for me everyday and never leaves me wondering or waiting. He now knows what a real relationship is, and actively shows me all of the love I could have ever asked for. He talks about marriage and kids all the time, and we’re so happy.

Why is it that when a girl and a guy break up, the girl spends weeks missing him, but he seems to move on within a millisecond? It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. Why should he get to walk away and instantly start to rebuild his life, when you’re stuck at home wishing that he’d call? He shouldn’t. You need to do something about it. You need to make him miss you, just as much as you’re missing him, but how can you do that? How can you make a guy miss you, when it was him who broke up with you in the first place?

"How long am I expected to live like this? The days are VERY lonely. It's an unbelievably depressing feeling to wake up and immediately realize that I'm not home, and have no friends or family to talk with … I get up, I meditate, I swim, I go to work, I eat, I lift some weights, I meditate again and go to sleep. Wash, rinse, and repeat. I'm not enjoying work (which would normally be a decent distraction), but feel I can't quit, as I have too many financial responsibilities I have to uphold. I'm amazed I haven't gone mad yet.

So I have done no contact for almost two weeks as my ex was all over my phone, texting and calling me and because we have a child together I give in as he did suggest he want to see his son then I went to his house and everything was so hot and sweet then he start ignore me again and all disrespecting me. I wonder what could have cause that. I was the one who ended our relationship because he wasn't showing me love and he was dies pectin me and going parties on a regular basis and no couple times with us but all I wanted was for him to start act right. We weren't living together for 4years


Switch to straightforward communication when you're ready for more. Making him miss you might turn his head initially, but eventually he'll get bored if you wait forever to answer his texts or avoid him for too long between dates. He might also catch on to your plot to make him miss you if you spend too much time bragging about the fun you have without him. Instead of figuring out new ways to make him miss you, try telling him how you really feel.
Marina is a founder and CEO of NY Socials; New York’s Premier Elite Members-Only Dating Club. She is regarded as a top Matchmaker and Dating Coach in New York.  Her success comes from her belief that dating should be effortless and fun. Therefore, she equips every client with the ability to easily attract a woman of their dreams before introducing them.
His trip changed matters drastically because for the first time in probably a long while, he had 3 weeks of breathing room and time to himself to look back on everything that has happened and realize it was more than he could handle/that he wasn't happy. Often, because we are so involved on a day to day basis, people don't have room to think about the relationship or their personal happiness when they're with their partners most of the time. The moment they are able to disconnect, they suddenly realize how suffocated they were feeling before, and start dreading to go back in. Even though you had already changed before the breakup, he wasn't around to see the change at that point and was still stuck with the perception of how you were before he left. Continue with implementing those changes in your life for now, and give him some breathing room first before reaching out again.
HEY. I was dating him for almost 3 years. But after a year he met a girl who became her bff in a very short time. I was very jealous of their bond and dirty jokes etc. I stopped him from talking to her.i stopped him after 2 months of their friendship. But he used to miss her. Then for like rest kf 2 years we fought because he started talking to her without letting me know. I used to check his phone and he would have made other accounts to talk. Each time after getting caught he told me hes sorry. I used to breakup but he used to beg and tell me that he wont talk again. Then i started talking to him again. But the cycle continued. I abused the girl too but she used to say that its my boyfriend going back to her. But my boyfriend tried his best to leave her bff. He loved me a lot. Sometimes i used to do things to make him angry so in order to take revenge he talked to her. We are in the same school even his bff. Shes our junior. But my bf didnt met her in school their talk remained in online chating. But then then there was a group of my bf's friends and my friends. We all were friends but somehoe aur group broke up. We fought and his friends fucked up his mind. He fought with me. Yes i did for somethings which he would get hurt too but he then started meeting that girl. He brokeup with me. And this time he had no regret. He said that i made him do this. He added Snapchat stories to make me jealous. I was about to do suicide after that because i hated that girlll too much. Though the are justt friendss. And i cant do no contact periods because i can onlyy meet him after 3 days. No chance meeting after that.
I am dating a guy in a distance relationship for about three months, at the beggining we felt unbelievable connection soulmate like, he said he wants to marry and have children, he was caring and sweet (flowers, gifts, lots of time together). However I know he cheated on me at the very beginning of dating (I forgived him because that was very fresh relation).
Instead, Slade advises not to do this, but to ask him a few seemingly innocent questions that do not make him feel pressured at all, but actually get him to change how he sees you, how he feels about you and about relationships in general. The sneaky thing is that the guy will not even realise what you are doing so he will feel totally comfortable with you to open up and share his feelings.

Don’t change your plans for him. First off, you need to maintain who you are when you’re in a relationship, so start out dating this guy by setting some ground rules: some activities and events will not be changed because they are important to you. You will fit him in when your schedule allows. A confident woman won’t alter what she’s planned to do for a guy.


The new girl backed off after a while, and I will admit after my ex got evolved things changed a little bit because I wasn't sure what she would do. I was kinda always looking over my shoulder as well as old WAR wounds came back. The thing is me and the new girl loved each other a lot and was on the same page, even talked about moving in together after only being together for a month. It seemed so effortless.
When it comes to dating tips for women, one size doesn’t fit all. A young woman in her teens or 20s dates A LOT differently than a woman in her 30s and 40s. And while most woman generally want the same outcome, there are certain things women in their 30s and 40s know about dating that they disregarded or simply didn’t focus as much on in their younger years.
Hi Lauren, this couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. My boyfriend of 7 years, broke up with me a week ago. I have read most of the Mars Venus books and am currently reading Mars and Venus: Starting Over. I'm not ready to give up on the relationship, he is my everything. He claims, he's afraid of commitment and that I can't make him happy for the rest of his life, but also claimed I'm perfect and don't need to change at all. Gave me the "it's not you, it's me" thing. I still have hope that if I give him his space he will change his mind and I'm not to the point where I can think about him not changing his mind, that is too hard. I have broken down and texted him a few times and told him how I was feeling. I stopped talking to him over the weekend and on day 4, I woke up to a text from him. It wasn't anything about us, just a video of a silly dog. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if he still cares? Is it just the friendship he misses? He claims I'm still his best friend. I can't be friends with him, I'm still in love with him. I know every situation is different and you ultimately can't tell he what he is thinking, but I guess do you think if I give him his space, he might come back? ...
So basically I met someone, we got on really well, we had a connection and after a week I went to America, once I went to America, things went a bit weird. When I got back he wouldn’t meet up with me because he said he had a lot going on in his mind. Anyway after a month coming back, we met up, we slept with each other, I gave him massages and etc, things were still weird, met up again and slept with him again and now he’s kinda backed off. Like one min he’s okay and one min he’s really cold towards me. I used to ask him what’s the sketch with your ex, he used get so defensive about it. I’ve only known him since mid March but I was so fond of him and feel so down. Please can you give me advice? He hasn’t contacted me since couple of days.
Make sure you give the one you are with the proper time, attention, and affection. Don’t make her question why you aren’t texting back as quickly as you used to or why every date night has turned into “Netflix and Chill”. Don’t be lazy and don’t take her love for granted. If you stop making the effort, she will be tempted to leave your dumb @$$ when she finds someone who will.
You have given the best advice that I have ever read from any article or book out there and trust I have read MANY. I see where I have been going wrong with my relationships and I see that I am putting too much of what I want them to be for me in it. I see where my negative thoughts have failed me and how I can go about changing me to be a better me for a relationship. Your views are so on point and I completely understand exactly where you are coming from. I will continue to read and reread your advice until I get myself where I need to be physically and emotionally. I definitely dont live in the moment with the man I have been with and I have gotten the I dont want a relationship thing from him but I definitely see where I went wrong because this man was interested in me from the beginning and he is still here. So I see where I went wrong. I see where I need to change just from reading your articles. I am seeing clearly. Now just to adjust my behavior and actions. I believe I will see a change in him. You cant expect people to change if you dont change yourself first… Thanks for all the great advice :)
Unfortunately, most women don’t process problems by others giving them a strategy. Many men tend to solve problems by finding and offering solutions. And although the solutions may be sound, women often just want to be heard. So the next time your woman is blurting out her stresses of the day look at her, listen and say, “It sounds like you had a tough day” and follow up with a hug.
I agree with you! It’s ok if they need space, but I am done putting my life on hold wating for him to see if he wants me. Life is too damn short to be miserable. This article gives you the reasons he’s pulling away. What ya need to say when you see him again is…ive been out enjoying myself. While you were needing your space…I’ve met someone who actually wants to spend time with me. Hope you find someone who will put up with your disappearing act. In the meantime I have a life.
I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months now. He completely swept me off my feet in the beginning (it was like a love bomb). He started changing a couple months after that — we never really “dated” — it just went from a couple dates where he would take me out and drop me off at my apartment and go back to his. Then, a few weeks later he was practically living in my apartment full time. He blames me for everything wrong in the relationship — shuts down emotionally now and we just had another blowout and he says to me he needs a week of space. I think he was just using me for convenience because my apartment was closer to his for work. I am so confused. He is not texting much anymore, not interested in my goals and things we used to share and that bonded us in the beginning. It just feels so empty and I can’t talk to him because he automatically says that I focus on him too much and I analyze the relationship too much. He calls me crazy and negative, among other things. He basically just comes over and sleeps. No connection, no emotion. I don’t know what to do anymore. I think it’s time to let him go — I also think he has narcissistic traits as i’ve been trying to read and educate myself. Could you offer any advice? Thank you.

I really love your blogs, they make a lot of sense, and I need your help with something. I’m 39 years old and I’m engaged to a woman I adore. Here’s my problem, she nags me all the time. I want to be there for her but it feels like she’s always demanding so much time and energy. I know you’re supposed to “compromise” in a relationship but it seems like I’m making all the sacrifices and I’m starting to feel like this relations...
As a child, you might have dreamt that your prince charming was going ride on his white horse and then whisk you away. Chances are, that won’t happen, but this doesn’t necessarily mean you will not get the man of your dreams. The problem is that, if you idealize the man of your dreams all the time, it is only going to make the search difficult for you.

I’ve been “hanging out” with this guy off and on for two years. Before meeting him I read books on this exact subject. I’ve been married and divorced twice so I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing if I got involved with a man again. I’m very opened about my feels I always have been. I like that about myself but in the past I’ve also been pushy wanting things to happen right away. Now with this guy I’m “hanging out” with has pulled away a lot in the 2 yrs I’ve been seeing him, but he had always come back. I think it’s because I always gave him his space. Since being married and divorced twice taking things slow was fine with me. Just recently though, I couldn’t help myself and I told him that I loved him. I thought for sure he was going to pull away, but he didn’t not right away anyways. In fact, we talked about making it exclusive. I was so happy because it’s what I had been waiting patiently for two years for. Recently, we had a two year anniversary of when we met so being the person I am I gave him a card. I said a paragraph of very heartfelt things. I knew this would definitely make him pull away from me and I was right. Even though I know when it’s going to happen it still doesn’t make it easy to deal with. I love him and I want him to know this. I want him to know that I accept him for who he is. I feel the only way I’m going to get him to trust me is by letting him have his time away from me. When he comes back he’s different, for instance, he more loving sweeter. I believe him when he says he’s happy with me. He too has been in difficult relationships in the past that broke his heart. Love isn’t meant to go fast. Love takes time. I’m glad it’s going this way even though it’s hard because I came from abusive background and it’s why my marriages ended. This guy inspires me to grow and find myself. I’ve started back to school at 43 yrs old because of his encouragement. I don’t feel I have to be someone I’m not when I’m with him. I feel safe when I’m with him. I want him to feel the same when he’s with me. I feel that’s what true love is all about. I may love him but he’s not my whole world, he’s only part of it.
My ex ended this 1st April (nearly a month ago). I begged. After day 1 he wanted to talk. After a week he never wanted to see me again. I did NC for 4 days until my sister told him to message me (I got sexually assaulted and needed emotional support). He messaged me. He seemed off. We spoke every day. Well I went one day (a couple of times) not replying. I found out I was pregnant. I told him. He was good about it. He told me to get rid of it. I got scared. Basically I messaged him saying I can’t. We argued about me needing him and he said he doesn’t know what to do. Yesterday I said I’m bored of feeling hated. I need my friend back. He said he doesn’t hate me. I went on about feeling hated and being scared of the abortion. I asked if he could see me. He YELLED at me. I ignored him (which is what he wanted me to do all month he even said I went crazy) but 10 minutes later he messaged me back calmer and with this solution: He said I could see him (in Germany) if I get the abortion and it’ll be the last time we ever see each other and we can have a proper goodbye. I went on saying I want to see him before. It ended up him saying he did hate me. I killed the guy I dated (because I said I missed what he used to be like). I messaged him yesterday and he said I can go and see him after the abortion. I asked if he still had access to my Facebook account he said no. I said I hope he is well. Also he told someone that he couldn’t stand me earlier today. Should I initiate NC properly now? Is there any hope? Why would he start off saying he didn’t hate me and now does? Why would he double message after I ignored him when he yelled? I’m so confused please help me.
At the same time, many, and quite possibly most, abusers, are not willing or able to apply themselves to learning better ways. The partner of an abusive individual must look realistically if their partner is one of the subgroup of abusers who does genuinely apply him/herself to making changes, or is of the larger group who are just going to keep returning to abusive and controlling behavior.

Have a life outside of him. Don’t put your life on hold on a Saturday night just in case he decides to call and see if you want to hang out. You had a life before him and you still want to have that life if it all goes wrong one day. Being too available for him only comes across as needy and desperate, and it certainly won’t make him miss you if you’re always at the other end of the phone waiting for him.


Talk to his friends. If you have mutual friends or if his friends would be willing to talk to you without telling your ex about it, consider asking them what they think the chances are that your ex would want to get back together with you. They are more likely than you to know if he has a new girlfriend or if he's dying to get back together with you.[5]
Since winning her back in the next 8 months will be beyond your control, I suggest not thinking about winning her back for now and as she's said, to simply move on for now and to just focus on yourself instead. If the relationship was a meaningful one to both parties, the opportunity would always present itself again in the future, and should you want to give it another shot at that time, then you can always consider things again.
My ex girlfriend and I broke up about 6 weeks ago. From there all I had done was being needy and desperate. She would block me and unblock me and all I did was just like a fool was just beg and plead. Honestly I've understood the reason of the break up and I've accepted it and I understand how much I messed up... especially since I was sending her a message that I couldn't change. If you must know I am very confident and I know I can get her back if I do things correctly. We haven't talked in 2 weeks. and since then I've been working on myself and taking my time to understand my mistakes so i could learn from them. I know that she blocked me because i pressured her in such a bad way that led her to that choice and I know understand all my mistakes. I'm a very confident guy know but my question is how should I approach her. I really cannot connect her because she fully blocked me and i don't know if she wants to talk to me because i don't know wether she wants that or not. Now for the past few days she's been looking kind of sad since we haven't talked and she's been kind of starring at me and she also started to follow me ( trying to get my attention in a way) but also she's been trying to act like if she's the one in control and she doesn't really get affected so that kind of leads me to ask you guys What should I do at this point and also why is she trying to get my attention if she acts all so tough like if she's holding all the cards?
We always fear the thought of not being able to find someone better if we walk away from our current relationship, but the truth was he still went out with another female behind your back, and I'm sure it would be simple enough to find someone who at least won't do that to you to begin with. However, this is also dependent on whether she was actually a friend or not, and why he decided to go behind your back to meet her.
But not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins — of words, thoughts, feelings — and the desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men; not because it's smothering, but because they realize how desperate they are for it.
Meanwhile, we all try to establish our sense of self both inside and outside our relationships. So the first step is to remind yourself that these phases in a relationship are normal. Especially during the early stages.  So don’t stress, let go of your fear and doubt. Stop recounting every last minute of the phone conversation you just had and find things in your life that you enjoy. Fill your time with meaningful distraction.
Getting dumped sucks and when your boyfriend decides he doesn’t want you anymore it just tears you apart from the inside out. I feel for you but don’t worry because we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex boyfriend gave you for why he chose to break up is really why he decided to let you go. This may sound a bit mean, but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.
It's likely that her current date is a rebound, since she jumped into the relationship soon after the breakup. For the time being, give her some space to at least let go of the negative emotions she may have towards you after everything that has happened. Also spend this time working on figuring out what went wrong and make positive changes in those areas to at least appear more desirable to your ex and less of the person she was hurt by.
While it's nice to consult your girl friends or bros about relationship issues, keep in mind that every relationship is different and what works for one couple may not work for you. This also means that not everyone is going to understand why you do what you do; it may not make sense to your best friend why you chose to give up something you once loved for your significant other — and that's OK.

Every word, every touch and every kiss is a part of the seduction, no matter if you know her for two days or two decades. The men who ignore this fact are the ones who stop making an effort, who settle down without making settling down worthwhile for the girl they are with. These are the guys who ask themselves “why did she leave me?” while she holds the hand of another man who understands the universal law that the seduction never ends.
One of the things my boyfriend and I love to do is cook together. We will spend the afternoon shopping at the market, picking the best fish and the perfect wine. We'll take hours in the kitchen to prepare the perfect meal just for us. And then we'll enjoy every bite, taking our time, talking, laughing, planning vacations, etc. These evenings are truly my favorite!
If you tell your partner that you once loved another man and left him, this won’t make your partner feel secure… it will do the opposite. He may think that one day you will leave him too which will stop him or massively delay his commitment to you until this thought has been put to rest. Let him know that he is the only man in your life and in your dreams.

i have been dating this guy for almost six months now, we have not started having sex, because i told him i am not ready we have talked about it and he agreed. But of late i feel he is pulling away, sometimes he will not call or text me unless if i call him or text him first, he is always postponing our dates and its like he does not want to see me, when i ask him he says he is just busy with work or he could not call me because he had no credit in his phone, i don’t really know what to do? should i just leave him alone or i continue calling or texting him first all the time…, does it mean he has lost interest in me? please help ,


For years Peter had reacted to Paulette's complaints about him with defensiveness. When he did allow himself to hear information about what he was doing that troubled his wife, he'd get mad at himself.  Listening to her had escalated his agitation and distress instead of leading to learning. Now Peter decided he'd better address her concerns, beginning by writing out a list of all he could recall. "Information is power," he reminded himself to ease the sting of shame and guilt. 

Hello. How can I arrange a phone consultation with you, Eric? Your straight-forward advice sounds reasonable and sound to me. I am in a 4-month old relationship with my boyfriend. I love him and he says he loves me, but he says he is afraid of hurting me. He confessed that he loves the excitement and euphoria when a relationship is new but gets bored and dissatisfied when the newness wears off. He is afraid that this will happen again and he will hurt me. He said I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him, that I treat him better than any other woman he’s ever been with and that he wants me in his life forever, even if that mean just being friends later. He hasn’t asked me to move in, hasn’t discussed marriage, but says he wants a future a with me. I don’t get this at all. My gut tells me he loves me but not enough. I want a future with him, including the whole ball of wax of marriage, but he says he doesn’t know if he wants to marry me or not, that we should just enjoy each other and live day to day. Sounds like bs to me. But I find it hard to be objective. He has been hurt deeply by past women who have betrayed and used him. I need help figuring this all out. Thank you very much.


If I could give one big piece of advice it would be when a man pulls away, try not to take it personally. Believe me, I know this is way easier said than done. Everything is going great, you start to think this guy could be the one and then boom, he disappears for what seems to be no apparent reason. If you can relate to this, it probably isn’t your fault. Although it’s impossible to give an exact reason why he pulled away, most of the time it’s his own personal issue’s. If it’s really bugging you, there’s an… Read more »
But not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins — of words, thoughts, feelings — and the desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men; not because it's smothering, but because they realize how desperate they are for it.
When I brought up not dating anyone else, he said although he had not been he had been thinking about us and was confused about what he wanted. If he wanted to focus on his career only or settle down. We seemed to be on totally different pages, I was only looking to have the security of confirming we were only seeing each other and trying to understand how he felt about me. He assumed I was asking for a serious relationship and said that the honeymoon stage was over and we needed to think about the future. I was only thinking about the present and was still happy getting to know him but needed to know how he felt about me as I felt alone with my feelings that I was expressing with no reciprocation. In the end I told him to take some space and figure out what he wants because I couldn't continue to date someone that didn't know how they felt about me.
Have you ever found yourself dating a guy who seems perfect in the beginning, only to find out later that he was a bad choice? Are you having a difficult time finding love? The possibilities are you are taking the wrong steps and are in need of relationship advice for women. You might want to have a romantic relationship with the most perfect person. It is never too late to change the romance stars and bring back love and happiness into your life.
Well, one thing is for certain, you have the right idea. It’s just maybe your execution is wrong. It’s always true: absence does make the heart grow fonder. You can have a person become closer and more attached to you if you take some time apart for a bit; as ironic as that may seem. When you’re truly in love with someone, you’re going to miss that person whenever they’re not around. And the more that you miss that person, the more that you’re going to look forward to seeing them again – and by extension, the more that you’re going to appreciate whatever time that you can get to spend with one another.

Marriage is a tricky one. After years of being together it can seem monotonous and boring. People settle into a routine and then start to resent eachother after a while. A marriage takes work, from both parties. The trouble is trying to get that other person to want to want to work at it. No mean feat. If you are a woman it is all about understanding the male mind and why they do not want to open up and talk. You have to use the male lingo to get any headway here.
As a child, you might have dreamt that your prince charming was going ride on his white horse and then whisk you away. Chances are, that won’t happen, but this doesn’t necessarily mean you will not get the man of your dreams. The problem is that, if you idealize the man of your dreams all the time, it is only going to make the search difficult for you.
Hi Andrea….its OK, we all make mistakes after a breakup. I don’t know anyone that has not. Are you following the plan I lay out in my ebooks? It is good to have a comprehensive blueprint to help you along. I think the best way to go on is to go forward in focusing your own healing and having a plan. He seems a little testy right now. In the No Contact Rule Book (ebook I wrote), I talk all about how the whole process works and if it is worth staying in it longer or stopping it sooner. Go check it out if you feel you can use a helpful guide!
Before we broke up we had talked about our relationship long-term and we both had the same hopes. Everyone saw our relationship as the real deal, and he even said it too. He said he just needs time to focus on himself, which I understand and that he still doesn't know what he wants. I am hoping that in the next few weeks we are both able to get our heads clearer and he is truly able to think about getting back together while I am focusing on myself. However, I am just not sure if the situation is going to change at all and I don't know what else I can do.

I think there is a difference between a natural pull away and an uncomfortable/bad pull away. But I also think that men who really care about you will not pull away very much. They may want a day or two alone (natural pull away) but they don’t fade out on you and give you bad vibes (uncomfortable/bad pull away). My experience has always been that the guys that wanted me the most never pulled away, no matter how close we got. My first real serious college boyfriend was always on the same page with me from beginning to end, we… Read more »
It could be a rebound relationship he's going through right now, which is also the reason he might have felt it was 'love at first sight'. In the case for marriages, especially long term relationships, NC period might have to be longer because of the time frame of the relationship and the severity of events that probably transpired which led to the breakup/divorce in the first place.
The best way to optimize your chances of getting your ex bf back is to become Ungettable Girl.  You want to increase your value in his eyes and also make it difficult for him to reach you, talk to you, and see you.  This is just a small part of becoming the Ungettable Girl.  It’s also about making yourself beautiful in his eyes from afar.  He can see you, but now it is at a distance (through Snap chat, Facebook, etc).   Slowly over time, your ex boyfriend will crave you and you will do things to ensure that he feels that craving every day by using little jealousy ploys and rumors and chance encounters.  Your ex boyfriend loves nothing more than a good chase – so give him one.
If your ex has fallen into the friend zone (for example, if he or she says "I'm no longer in love with you"), you might be able to recreate the experience of falling in love by building intimacy with your ex. In one study, a researcher had two strangers stare into each other's eyes and then answer personal questions (like "What is your biggest fear?" and "What is your best memory from childhood?"). They were able to create an intimate bond between the strangers, creating attraction and even the feelings of love. Try spending time looking into your ex's eyes and asking deep questions and see if this helps move your relationship back into intimate territory.[12]
I hope that women or men in the world don’t apply this article to their relationship. If someone distances themselves from you then they just don’t want to put effort into it. Therefore, it’s best to get away from that person as soon as possible. There are many others that will show 10 times the effort. Don’t fall into this social construction that, if your partner distances themselves, just act like everything is okay and force yourself to be happy with them.
I hope you enjoyed this post and can take away a lot of helpful tips and advice for your current and future relationships! If you have any comments, questions, or any more tips of your own, please comment below and share them! I’m sure many of our experts will be more than happy to respond back and keep the conversation going! Also, if you love articles like this, sign up for our Elite Man Newsletter and get all of our best articles, podcasts, tips, and advice completely free!
Don’t worry about him enjoying the free time with his friends. Of course, giving him space to enjoy is going to make you look confident and less clingy. He may seem to enjoy it, but eventually, your boyfriend will crave more time with you. So, the next time he tries to come up with excuses to hang out with his friends, let him go. If he wants to go on a boys’ trip, allow him. The more time he is away from you, the more he will realize what he’s missing. He might think his friends are important and deserves his time but he will soon learn that he can’t spend his lifetime with only them, he needs you.
We texted incessantly for a month and went on our first date to an ice cream festival called The Scooper Bowl. I missed the train, and we kissed. We began a summer fling where we’d walk around Boston holding hands, eating pizza, and watching TV cuddled up on her couch. She made that summer in Boston perfect. It was only two months, but it was unfiltered romance.
This article is completely speaking to my current situation. It definitely seems like my guy is pulling away a little bit, still answering texts and things but very barely, not making plans to see me this weekend, etc., but all of the signs up until this point were that he was very into me. I tried reaching out to him a little more than I usually have been in response, but I’m going to pull back a little bit and give him the space he needs and let him come to me as this article says.
Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”
Would if children were involved??????÷!!! EVEN AS CLOSE FRIENDS FOR A COUPLE Of YEARS!!! Four children involved…..one mine, three his. My daughter and his daughter in same school and class. Last time I heard from him waS a text messge New Years Eve….told me he was still working. The guy is 47…..it sucks for me….but my child wants to know what happened to him….and wants to play with his daughter. Not only that…his daughter and my daughter taLk in class and tell each other they want to play.
I've been with my ex for a few happy months, and during which, we were not officially a couple ( though everyone around us assumed we were), because he also had a long-distance relationship that's been going on for a year. He mentioned that they were also 'just dating' as she's not his girlfriend, and I allowed it to happen then, hoping he would choose me.
Connect with your inner guidance and explore what you truly want for your life, and relationship. Believe you deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are. Set boundaries and be assertive. Learn to say no to what you don’t want, so you can welcome that which you do want. Learn about Universal Laws to support and nurture your chosen path. Pay attention to what shows up for you. Keep growing and never give up.
My boyfriend and i have been together for 1 year and 1 month. He goes to a different school and he starts talking to this new girl. Just days before, he kept on reassuring me that he wanted to be forever and he is not going to leave me for anybody else. So i thought that he meant it. I feel like he really does love me deep down inside but he just doesn't want to say anything. I love him with all of my heart and he cheated on me and then i begged him to get back with me. I know that that is backwards because usually when someone cheats, they want to get back with their spouse. but he didnt want to. After we had the fight about cheating, we started to talk. So i started to google signs that your ex wants you back. He would tell me their status, he said that they are not dating but they are talking but on all of her instagram pics, she now tags him. I said that i love him and he said that he loves me too. He then blocked me on instagram and snapchat and if i text him he will leave me on read. I know that i deserve better but i love him and i am in love with him. What do i do?
© 2018 Condé Nast. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement (updated 5/25/18) and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement (updated 5/25/18) and Your California Privacy Rights. Glamour may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. Ad Choices
My ex ended this 1st April (nearly a month ago). I begged. After day 1 he wanted to talk. After a week he never wanted to see me again. I did NC for 4 days until my sister told him to message me (I got sexually assaulted and needed emotional support). He messaged me. He seemed off. We spoke every day. Well I went one day (a couple of times) not replying. I found out I was pregnant. I told him. He was good about it. He told me to get rid of it. I got scared. Basically I messaged him saying I can’t. We argued about me needing him and he said he doesn’t know what to do. Yesterday I said I’m bored of feeling hated. I need my friend back. He said he doesn’t hate me. I went on about feeling hated and being scared of the abortion. I asked if he could see me. He YELLED at me. I ignored him (which is what he wanted me to do all month he even said I went crazy) but 10 minutes later he messaged me back calmer and with this solution: He said I could see him (in Germany) if I get the abortion and it’ll be the last time we ever see each other and we can have a proper goodbye. I went on saying I want to see him before. It ended up him saying he did hate me. I killed the guy I dated (because I said I missed what he used to be like). I messaged him yesterday and he said I can go and see him after the abortion. I asked if he still had access to my Facebook account he said no. I said I hope he is well. Also he told someone that he couldn’t stand me earlier today. Should I initiate NC properly now? Is there any hope? Why would he start off saying he didn’t hate me and now does? Why would he double message after I ignored him when he yelled? I’m so confused please help me.

Eventually he told me he can not stand it anymore and although he loves me he cant be with me. So we didnt talk for 2 days, and then he wrote me that Im the love if his life and he wont give up on this. But I decided to take a step back cuz it hurt me. So I told him we need to do the talk and decide what we are gonna do. After 2 weeks we finally did it and had a big fight. Then we decided to try again. So we met again and it just led to nowhere. We went in circles, could not even find a place to go to do the talk because of my stubbornness and his lack of understanding...
For most of us this is simply impossible and so we try to impose our way of life, expectations and sets of values on our partner when things aren’t going our way. Life throws curve-balls and you don’t always have the time, perspective, serenity and confidence to figure out what you need to do to stay in perfect harmony with your partner; and to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
When we get so focused on the need for any one man, it’s easy to get blinded. That’s when we start making excuses for him that may in fact be relationship deal breakers for us. If what you want is an exclusive relationship, yet you keep seeing him if he wants something else for fear of losing him, you’re really only losing yourself and all that is important to you.
Great article (as usual!). What are some ways women can inspire a guy to realize his ultimate potential as a man? My go to was to go to the deep, dark secrets, but from reading your articles that is a no-no and I should leave his issues alone. Asking questions seems to put guys on guard and make him and me feel like I am an investigator. You have previously said to let guys open up to you, does that go for sharing their hopes/dreams as well? Or how can I reach him on a deeper level?
Hi me and my boyfriend of 9 months just broke up. It was an out of the blue break up that left me confused and shocked. Everything seemed good to me we had only gotten into one disagreement the whole time we were together. But our relationship was hard. He worked the graveyard shift so we only got to see each other on the weekend. During the week our schedules were opposite. When I worked he slept and vis versa. So we would try to communicate as much as we could right before the other one would go to work. He met my family enjoyed time with. Literally was hanging out with them the weekend before and out of the blue one night he told me we should break up. That he felt like he couldn’t be the boyfriend I needed and that he felt we hit a Plateau. That he felt that he should be feeling a certain way by now but wasn’t. I.e. his longest relationship was 8 months before me and he’s 36. I miss him and want him back I don’t understand why this happened out of no where.

Dark and mysterious or blithering babbler…find a middle ground that does not include talking about your ex, complaining about your health, going over chapter and verse about who you are, what you do and why. This applies to both disclosing your personal details and being mindful of the questions you ask your date. Remember, you’re both strangers and should be respectful of each other’s privacy.
I need help. My girlfriend and I were together for 2.5 years and I believe the relationship was really strong. We did have fights but I was convinced she was head over heels for me as she has expressed that several times. However, she dumped me a few weeks ago and I took the breakup pretty hard (I.e. begging, pleading, low self-esteem, etc.) well over the last few weeks, we have had a few instances where we would hang out and continue to have sex and confess our love for each other and she’s admitted serval times that she loves me and misses me and that I’m all she wants, yet she’s afraid to be with me to get hurt? She’s also admitted to seeing other people in the three week period to avoid dealing with the grief of the relationship. I’m on day 4 of no contact and ive told her before i started that I’m no longer gonna be her doormat for her emotional support and that I’m not longer going to wait for her; however, I secretly do want to wait for her because I believe we’re supposed to be together, just not right now.
Send her a letter. Girls also love letters, because they take a lot of time and you have to express your feelings. Start off by saying something like: "I know this letter doesn't fix what's broken between us, and maybe it never will. But I want you to know that I care deeply about you, and I always will. That part has never changed. The part that's changed is that I realize how stupid I was to let you go."
How to Give Someone Space Without Losing Them (Or Losing Your Mind) Here’s Why When He Pulls Away You Should Give Him Space The Real Reasons Men Don’t Text Back: The Ultimate “Do’s and Don’ts” Guide To Texting Here’s Exactly What To Do When He Says He Needs Space How to Make Him Miss You: 5 Ways to Have a Man Missing You Like Crazy He Says He Misses Me: What Does It Mean When He Says He Misses You?

How to make him commit to a relationship, you might be wondering? You have decided that it is time to stop playing games and get serious with the man in your life but he might be putting up a resistance. Stack up some tips up your sleeves, and he’ll be ready for a long-term relationship in no time. Stop wondering how to get him to commit to a relationship and read these awesome tips, but primarily, guidelines on how to get a guy to commit is really not that hard, that is if HE really wants to.
It’s finally happening: you met a man you’re compatible with, you really like him, and the feeling is mutual. He’s showering you with attention, making plans to see you, making time to call you, and generally letting you know that he’s so happy to have found you. How does a man act when he’s falling in love? Just like this—and you’ve never been happier, or more thankful, to have him by your side.
Here is the thing. You want to focus on you not only because this is healthy which is the main reason and you’re putting yourself first but by putting yourself first he will want you more. There is a deep desire for people to be with someone that puts themselves first. I would not only follow his lead. Make sure you are not too available in the process and really schedule time for you. Then take control back a little bit so you can eventually see where this is headed.

In order to have this guy tripping over himself to make you his girlfriend, you need to take the attention away from him and focus on yourself. Stop going out of your way to make him happy, don’t cancel plans just to spend time with him, and don’t always be so available to him. Catering to all of his needs will make you look like a pushover and a doormat, and no guy is attracted to that!


MY EX and i broke up a week ago. I want him back. I believe we were good together. But we work together, any advice on how to deal with that? He explained why. He cared about me alot and didn’t want to risk hurting me because ehe was going through something. That he needed to be alone. I told him I was willing to be there and wait for him that wasn’t a good reason to end things. He said no I shouldn’t we went back and forth. At some point we broke up. But I said I’m waiting for him for a while. We were both crying. He told me if I’m still around and he was better we could try again. I just feel my heart is missing a piece
×