On the last day of our holiday this week my boyfriend expressed how he didn't find us compatible and still loved me but not in the way to be with me anymore. He said he was feeling it for a while hoping the holiday would prove him wrong but an argument on holiday confirmed his feelings. He has changed his relationship status to hidden but has still kept it as in relationship with me. I love him and really want him back and agreed to being friends because I know he's going through a lot of personal things. What do I do to win him back?
This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
my story: met a lousy guy on tinder who promised to pick the stars from the sky for me, we had a few dates and i have to advise all the women out there to be careful especially with guys who get affectionate,caring, and future-planning too soon because it’s a cheap hoax to get the woman into having sex and then dumping her cold-turkey.if they realise the woman won’t have sex with them(like me)they run off and find other ‘candidates’ to lie to.my guy ‘friend-zoned’me to keep me hanging on because he thought that maybe he could one day drag me into the sheets but i ended the whole thing on that creepy liar.additionally i caught him with a few other girls so please ladies:pay attention
Perhaps it would be good for you to also do the same, and show him that you're doing just as well. If he's lost the spark with you over the course of the relationship and you want him back, you're going to have to find a way to re-create that spark again (physical attraction, emotional attraction, etc) and your best chance would be when you meet him again to pick your stuff up.
Sadly, too many men feel ashamed of themselves to feel worthy of a relationship and of raising children. I’ve heard and read this first-hand. I don’t understand it, but I very much believe it, especially after watching poor boys being berated and cursed by their single mothers — routinely — as “stupid”, “good-for-nothing”, “n*****”, and far worse. I cannot imagine the scars left by words like that *from their own parent*, usually accompanied by gestures and tones of voice that treat the child like intrusive trash. Maybe even more important is the inability of many men to hold jobs and to cultivate careers. Since the eighties, jobs and opportunities (for high school graduates) are truly constricted, and while some men will definitely overcome the odds, the fact is that it is impossible for all men to find the types of middle-class jobs American men thrived on yesteryear.
I know.  You are thinking to yourself, “look, I came here to find out the fastest way possible to get my ex boyfriend back where he belongs.  I have to have him back”.  But trust me, things are probably pretty crazy right now if you are just coming out of the breakup, so don’t make it worse by rushing through things, being overly impulsive , and doing or saying something you will regret later.
I kind of agree with both of you. I get what you mean with your post, Eric, some women just force into a relationship with a person who will never commit simply because he just does not feel the same way about her, and still she tries to push him. But I also agree that we sometimes, being more mature, I don’t know, have to act like if it was a game, knowing the right moves and words because otherwise the guy will freak out and just leave. I’m with a guy for 6 months now and he still is not sure if I’m “the one”, although we always have an amazing time when we’re together. Maybe he’s afraid to lose his freedom, or that I’ll be all jealous and stuff, but it’s very hard to pretend that I’m ok with this situation when all I wanted was a serious and honest conversation, but I have tried that in the past and he thought I was pressing him.

It would be a good idea to fact find a bit more about her current situation (from mutual friends, etc), such as whether she may be seeing anyone, if she's going through a rough time, or anything that may be a reason for her hot/cold attitude towards you. There's also a chance that she is facing internal conflict between meeting you and getting reminded of both good and bad times from the past.
Contemporary relationship for men can be very challenging. For one, the relationships between men and women have radically transformed in the last 50 years with women striving for personal development, and men often unsure of the role to play with women partners. Relationships require new ways of thinking and growing to be sustained and flourishing.

Guys do it…and dammit, women should be able to do it too.  In other words, don’t always be available for him by constantly saying “YES” or “OK”.  He wants his space so that means he does NOT get privileges of calling you or asking you to go out when he feels the whim.  He has to earn back that “high priority” status.  Make other plans so that he will start to remember how you used to be available for him, but now you’ve moved on and are keeping busy.


So if your relationship with your ex stayed the same after 6 months or after a year (in other words if it failed to evolve and grow) then it would have violated her desire for progression. It would have made her realize that you are not the guy who’s going to give her a long-term partnership and finally a family. She would then have seen you as a poor suitor, dumped you and gone off to find a guy who shows more signs of commitment.
Males can sometimes have this tendency where we internalize our thoughts and emotions too much, that something may be bothering him but he never said it out, and in the end only acted upon his feelings without really giving you a chance to explain or understand what was going through his mind. Perhaps you could ask him and try to find out what it is, and whether its something that can be worked on together.
You are going to have to dig a bit deeper than the usual clichés in order to feel confident about how to get back with your ex. You are basically setting the stage or the foundation for the entire process; it is fundamental to make sure that you will be able to convey to your ex that you now understand how they feel, and that you are prepared to evolve in order not to commit the same mistakes! That’s key in figuring out the answer to the question you’ve been asking yourself: how to make my ex want me back!
Yes!!! I made this mistake with my boyfriend when he said he wanted some space and instead i just kept pushing and pushing to fix things. Everything just got worse. It’s absolutely torture to try to not interact with the person you love but if he is having doubts, bugging him will prob make him pull away more and if he is having doubts in the first place maybe things aren’t meant to be. My whole philosophy is that if someone doesn’t enjoy being with me then I don’t want to be with them either.

This worked for me. I started dating a fella who was fresh out of a committed, live-in relationship and said he was unlikely to call anyone his girlfriend anytime soon. I didn’t say, “Oh yeah, buster, well you better decide now or I’m out!” I didn’t force him into having The Talk (read why to avoid this). I liked the guy. So I made sure I blew his mind and made him earn it. I did my thing, kept my life going and made it clear if he wanted to see me, he had to let me know. When we were together, I made him feel like a million bucks.
So you’ve mastered the ways to stop a man from withdrawing, and everything seemed to be headed in a rosier direction, it’s time to implement some positive communication skills. Once you’ve calmed down from analyzing and you’ve created some much-needed space, it’s time to figure out how to express how you’re feeling without causing more ripples in your relationship.
my story: met a lousy guy on tinder who promised to pick the stars from the sky for me, we had a few dates and i have to advise all the women out there to be careful especially with guys who get affectionate,caring, and future-planning too soon because it’s a cheap hoax to get the woman into having sex and then dumping her cold-turkey.if they realise the woman won’t have sex with them(like me)they run off and find other ‘candidates’ to lie to.my guy ‘friend-zoned’me to keep me hanging on because he thought that maybe he could one day drag me into the sheets but i ended the whole thing on that creepy liar.additionally i caught him with a few other girls so please ladies:pay attention
And when you do give him his space, don’t be trying too hard to make him miss you. Don’t be texting him every single second that you’re apart. Don’t be tagging him on random posts on Facebook. Don’t be sending him selfies and snaps of yourself; thinking that this is how you’re going to get him to miss you. The only way he’s ever really going to miss you is if you temporarily excuse yourself from his life.
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago, because of a text I sent him AND he broke up with me over the phone. We have broken up maybe ten times already this year and I am honestly so drained. He is extremely controlling, jealous, possessive, obsessive and verbally and mentally abusive. But HE broke up with me after I put up with all those horrible traits he has. But for some reason, this break up hit me real hard. HEs not the same guy I met in the beginning and I’m starting to think THIS is really who he is. He said he won’t change and that there is nothing wrong with him and that this is all my fault. I have become obsessive like him and I’m feeling so lonely and sad, over someone who once even called me a whore because he has zero trust in me, and I have always been honest and loyal to him. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to get out of the house and do things that I like but I’m feeling a little depressed over it. I don’t know he still has this much power over me. I even called him crying and screaming telling him I’m having a hard time over this break up and I think he’s getting a kick out of it. I feel like he stole my mojo cuz I used to be so tough in the beginning. Now .... I lost my female balls and I feel like I will never find someone again who will love me like he did. But why would I want someone to love me the way he did when clearly it was a toxic love. Any advice on how I can get myself back? I’m more concerned about getting my balls back rather then him. I apologize for the language but this is the best way I can’t describe what I feel. He controlled me so much that even without him I still feel like I’m under his control. Any advice please?!
I understand that I caused a lot of the fighting but how does someone just quit caring about someone they use to love who is carrying their child? It seems like he hates me. I’d like to ask him these things but I know I shouldn’t and honestly he probably wouldn’t even respond. Hopefully waiting 30 days will help but I’m feeling pretty hopeless at this point

This is one the first steps in commitment and should happen around a few months into the relationship. If it doesn’t, gently ask about meeting his family. You can bring it up naturally in a conversation when he is already talking about them so as to not add pressure. If he says that he will take you to meet them soon, just take it for now and don’t push for an exact date and time.

I was in relationship for 3 years,wanted to breakup right after I found out he cheated on me but cudnt,took me almost a year during which I went through a lot of tough time finally broke up ended after a year I found out ,after tat we weren't on no contact for a year ,he moved on ,I did too ,dated a few ppl ,after a year and half he badly wanted to meet ,after several texts and calls of persuasion ,I decided to meet him ,he told me that karma was a bitch and the girl he cheated on me with ,cheated on him and apologized for all that he put me through,I was calm ,shared some words of console and left ,has been in contact since,we share few texts once in few days and he wished me for my birthday and he subtly expressed that we could share intimacy like before ,we decided to meet,(throughout all this all my old feelings got rekindled)the kiss led to sex ,now he is all distancing himself like he didn't text or call only responds to my texts ,Im all confused ,I feel like I made a mistake of giving in too early ,maybe I shouldn't have gone till sex ,what to do ,help..

Guys become distant because we lose interest in you. It might be the way you dress, how you talk about the same problems over and over again, etc. If you wouldn’t cry, whine, cause drama about it, etc, we’d be up front and move on. But because it’s a process with potentially more talking, complaining, crying, etc… we just start to ignore you more and more until you decide you’re mad or over it. It’s just easier.
One of the things my boyfriend and I love to do is cook together. We will spend the afternoon shopping at the market, picking the best fish and the perfect wine. We'll take hours in the kitchen to prepare the perfect meal just for us. And then we'll enjoy every bite, taking our time, talking, laughing, planning vacations, etc. These evenings are truly my favorite!
One of the keys to getting back together will be your ability to stay active and not let your sadness or depression lead to inaction. It is very common to want to stay on your couch, not do anything or have no desire to see anyone after a breakup. The issue is that if you do not force yourself to stay active and to undertake certain actions, you will keep digging yourself further and further down the hole.
Work to move past your approach anxiety as early in your life as possible. Fortunately, this is a skill that can be easily learned and a good coach will work with you in public to tackle this challenge and build your confidence.  You may wish to challenge yourself to start talking to 2 new people per day and increase your goal by at least 20% each week. Soon you will naturally be engaging with others and see new dating and relationship opportunities landing in your lap.  I would also practice what to say to a woman who is being rude.  Stay classy and be articulate when confronting her behavior.
Instead, Slade advises not to do this, but to ask him a few seemingly innocent questions that do not make him feel pressured at all, but actually get him to change how he sees you, how he feels about you and about relationships in general. The sneaky thing is that the guy will not even realise what you are doing so he will feel totally comfortable with you to open up and share his feelings.
It has been proven that people appreciate the things that they invest in. For example, you’re more likely to fall in love and take better care of an expensive handbag if it took you 12 months worth of savings to purchase it. But for the purse your cousin gifted you for your 21st birthday, it stays crammed in the back of your closet. You didn’t have to work very hard to obtain it, so it doesn’t hold the same type of sentimental value to you. The same principal applies to relationships. People care more when they put more effort into their relationships, so if you want your guy to commit, you have to get him to invest in you!
He thinks he still controls the situation and is clearly taking you for granted that he has the option to come back at any time he wants whenever he feels like it. You need to regain control of your life and family, make the decision to walk away and until he realizes his mistakes, he isn't going to change or be a good role model for your kids. He needs to realize that his actions are wrong and not acceptable to his family, and he needs to begin respecting you or at least fear the reality of you leaving permanently. The best way to do that is to walk away and treat the situation as it is - an unacceptable one where he can't have the best of both women and not take responsibility for the kids or when things get tough, and drink away his problems.

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.
Don’t make him a priority. Instead of carrying on with your life as normal, you decide to make him the center of your universe. You cancel plans with your friends to hang out with him, you change your Facebook relationship status, you even daydream about what he’d look like in a tux on our wedding day. This is all so very wrong. It’s still the very early stages, so he shouldn’t automatically earn a top spot in your life—at least not for a while yet.
When a guy has things on his mind, he is more likely to want space, and he might pull away from you for a little while. If you think this is happening, you need to tread carefully. If you pry too much, he could see it as nagging, and he could withdraw even more. If you ignore him, then subconsciously he could think that you’re simply not there for him.

Me any ex dated for over a year. He recently stopped communicating with me about four months ago. He will not give me a reason to his decision. I’ve begged and pleaded the last four months. He responds periodically but will not answer directly if he has broken up with me. My question is simply “are we done” “are we not dating anymore” etc. he never responds to those questions of why but if I say good morning or something general he will respond (sometimes) but takes hours to do so. I’ve just recently started to use the no contact rule, since yesterday. I do desire to be with him but I’m so emotional and I think I need to get myself together and calm down. I imagine he has started a relationship with someone else but he won’t answer that question either. Do you think it’s a chance after the 30 days that this situation has a chance? I will with all my might not contact him and work on being stronger regardless if we rekindle or not. Our relationship was good, not strong though we’ve never had major issues I do realize the lack of communication with each other if there were issues. What are your suggestions to this? Thank you
Getting a man to miss you can be tiring, so make sure you have the patience for it. Also, remember, men love to chase you, so give him something to work for. And if that's not enough to get a guy to miss you, we recommend you read James Bauer's Respect Principle, his best-selling relationship guide basically hypnotizes men to fall and stay in love with you with 1, dead-simple tip.
For some the search can be long and difficult, and for others it can be quick and easy. A lot of variables go into the length, ease, and success of that search, but the one thing that will boost your efforts is how well you present yourself. It’s imperative, especially early on, that you look your best every time we see you, at least for the first few months of the relationship. This is not men being vain or superficial. Unless your father is Bill Gates, how you look is the strongest magnet you possess. Your hair must be done, your nails neatly painted, and your clothes should highlight your assets and hide your liabilities. Loose sweats, uncombed hair pulled back under a baseball cap, and rundown Ugg boots are fine once the relationship is in high gear, but definitely a turn-off when at the beginning. In our minds, if you are not making the effort to look your best when we barely know each other, we dread the thought of what you’ll look like a couple of months into the relationship.
Once you’ve sent your insecurities packing, you’ll see that manipulation and passive-aggressive behaviour is so much harder than simply being the fabulous woman you are. You’re the girlfriend who supports her man, is fun to be with and always great in bed. Most importantly, you have your own life which you prioritise, giving him healthy space to appreciate just how high value you are.
If you want this guy to be your boyfriend, you have to make him think that being in a relationship was all his idea. So remove all the pressure and stop stressing him out with your constant talks about being committed to each other. Soon enough, being with you will be the only thing on his mind, and he won’t even hesitant letting you know that he’s ready for a relationship.
What if she is back in this “i dont want a relationship right now” ideal again, due to my familiar outburst that brought her back to where I was before. I assume I should work on rebuilding attraction? And only texting her little by little and not all the time like we already were? Make her miss me some more? How exactly should I approach after reaching out again after a week or two?
Apologize. Think deeply about anything you did or didn't do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming your ex, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that your ex contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for someone else; you can only apologize for yourself. Leave him or her out of it and odds are the apology will be reciprocated.
hi kevin..my ex broke up with me after 5 years that we've been together. it has been 3 months since she left, i have been chasing her since then but now i want to do NO CONTACT. do i still have a chance after every i did to chase her? i became needy, desperate and insecure before we broke up because i was working abroad, when i arrived home she broke up with me and i was devastated because i haven't seen her for 7 months. i tried to chase her but she ignored me all the time. i left my country again to work, I tried to send her messages when I left. she's responding but she's acting cold and trying to avoid me. now i decided to do the no contact, do i still have a chance to win her back??

Some arguing is normal in a relationship. You may go through phases of fighting due to outside factors, which is also normal. The important thing is how you argue, how you deal with arguments after, how you heal together, and the way you communicate. The best way to avoid a fight getting out of control is to walk out of the room and not escalate the situation.


If he has met a rebound, he would care less instead about you coming to pick your things, but the fact that he reacted this way means there's a hint of feelings remaining (whether it's positive or negative is yet to be determined) and does not seem ready to face you yet. Perhaps continue to keep things on a casual note, and subsequently first address the relationship and why it failed before proceeding with collecting your stuff or meeting him.
My situation is a little different than most, we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s currently in the military now, he just ended things, with multiple reasoning but the last one was him saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend nor did he want one. It’s been a week since we broke up and also a week of NC, I haven’t reached out, but is this going to work, is he really going to miss me even with us being so far away and his schedule being so hectic?? Please someone give me some advice…

So stop over-explaining every little thing, stop sharing all of your childhood stories with him, and don’t let him know what you’re doing at all hours of the day. Keep some things to yourself, and it will make him even more curious about who you really are. He will subconsciously know that in order to peel back all of your layers, he needs to take the next step and ask you for exclusivity.
I want to point this out because often times when you are in the process and mindset of getting back with an ex, you can tend to forget that it’s also about you being happy rather than simply being in a relationship with the person that you love. It’s OK for you to be unhappy; it’s OK for you to voice your discontent at times and to set certain expectations for your significant other.
Have you ever found yourself dating a guy who seems perfect in the beginning, only to find out later that he was a bad choice? Are you having a difficult time finding love? The possibilities are you are taking the wrong steps and are in need of relationship advice for women. You might want to have a romantic relationship with the most perfect person. It is never too late to change the romance stars and bring back love and happiness into your life.

"Typically, when a relationship ends, there may be pain, sadness, or negative feelings on one side or both," says Dr. Amie Harwick, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in West Hollywood. "When considering getting back with an ex, one must consider if they can work through the differences." And while we can’t directly tell you which are good reasons to get back together with an ex, it's a smart idea to consider why you got together with this person in the first place. Are those the reasons you want them back? Do they outweigh the reasons why you broke up? Then there may be reasons to proceed.
The trick is going to be to prove to your ex over time that you are better suited than anyone else to make them happy. You need to try to stay positive when you around your ex and build on the fact that you have a shared history: humor, anecdotes of things that happened while you were together or even just small talk will help you make your ex feel comfortable and want to spend time with you.
1. It stops the damage. If you respond with calm and poise when your ex breaks up with you, you let the relationship stand on its own instead of giving the response to the break up a featured status. And your odds of an ex coming back to you with the relationship itself being what is judged is much higher than the final experience with you being your fit.
The day we broke up, we went out fishing with two friends and it was really cool, and we went to see some of his friends play handball ( which is a very important part of his liife, but i have never played, so don’t really care, but I wanted to make the effort for him and to be with him). I was doing so good until he decided to go play ball with his friends during half time, leaving me alone on my chair, while I had come to be with him. There were two people I had talked to before close by ( which was his excuse to leave me) but they were talking the foreign language and imagine how hard it is to engage in the conversation when you don’t know what it,s about and you need to switch language… So i got mad at him and told him it wasn’t cool to leave me on my own.
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