James program centers around what he refers to as the "Hero Principal".  He has truly figured out the signals and phrases a man "needs" to hear and feel to trigger his commitment phase. JB put together a presentation video that discusses many of the challenges you're going through right now and things you can do, starting immediately, to dramatically improve the way you understand men and the pathway to commitment.
So as much as you want him to open up and think he “should,” you can’t demand it of him. The best thing to do is back off and give him some space. Spend that time focusing on yourself instead of worrying why he’s pulling away from you and what to do about it. Work on recharging your batteries so that you can put positive juice into the relationship.
Sure, you miss him and whenever he calls it’s the highlight of your day. You don’t want him to know that though. You don’t want him to know that you’re missing him. You don’t want him to know that you’ve spent the last three days stalking his online profiles to try and see what he’s been doing since the two of you split. No, instead, you need to act causal. You need to show him that leaving your life has had no negative impact on you. You need to make him question whether he’s made the right decision, without forcing the question down his throat.

It is natural to feel scared about going up to someone who has rejected you. You may be worried that he won't talk to you, won't be friendly and perhaps won't answer any questions you may have. All of this is natural and normal. If you really want to approach him to ask him something, consider going with a friend you can rely on and perhaps having them doing some of the talking on your behalf. Choose somewhere neutral and calm, and have a good excuse to leave quickly if things seem too awkward for you, such as "Thanks for the quick chat, I have to get to an appointment now". Most of all, realize that if you don't get the answers or discussion you'd hoped for, that it's not a reflection on you, as you've shown much courage, but is about your ex-boyfriend's method of dealing with the situation in his own way and isn't a slur on you.
Of course, giving him space is really just the first step… but when it comes down to it there are 2 big problems every woman experiences in her relationships with men – so pay attention because what you do next is vitally important. The first problem you’re probably going through: if you’re already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold, or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
It's like with dogs or children — you stick to your guns and you politely, patiently repeat the boundaries until they respect them. He gets it or he gets lost. Period. If you truly start to follow this theory, he'll feel how serious you are about being respected, and if he's at all serious about you, he'll get aboard the good boy train very fast. He'll know that if he doesn't, he'll be left at the station!
When you’re missing a person, it can be easy to fall into a self-deprecating trap of giving in whenever the person you are missing gets in touch. Guys know this. They know that you’re missing them and they know that you’d do anything and everything you could to see them. This makes you an easy target. It makes you the girl they call, when they’ve failed to score elsewhere and you really, really, really, need to stop being that girl.

My boyfriend for 4 months started calling and texting less as of the second week of January. It is true that he had some successive things happening one after the other which also prevented us for meeting since the new years eve. But despite that I let him know that I wasn’t happy with his careless behaviour. By the third week of January the date of his thesis submission approached and it just got worse. As I got bady ill for 4 days and he didn’t even get briefed because he did not ask how I was although he kept the conversation, I exploded on him and told him aaaalll I felt and went through and how he was absent when I needed him. My message just stayed unread on purpose till the morning and he tried to start a new normal conversation as usual like nothing happened. I was pissed off so I answered short, late, and tough. He stopped talking and by the time I cooled down he was already shut off. I ended up keeping the conversation somehow as he stopped initiating. By the following weekend I was near his area and we were talking so I asked if he feels like going out having some air. He made an excuse and I just headed home. We talked less and less through the following week, by thursday night we had a light chat and I asked how he was, he said that he was very tired and unhappy. As I asked why, is it going bad at work, my message just stayed unread till the morning. It was Friday 9 Feb. And he was quite responsive through the day, so I asked to meet and as he kept making excuses related to work, I just pushed more. So he just stopped responding to my messages and calls. Yes I know I did aaaall kinds of the things to avoid in these situations but I could not help but to see and understand what was happening to him that he had to express his unhappiness. After this incident I just disappeared too until valentine’s day at around 10 pm. I sent a brief apology message for my harsh words and putting the blame on him (when I exploded on him) while he was already having a hard time by himself. I wished him good luck with his upcoming thesis presentation (16 Feb) and wished him that he would never tell anybody again that he is tired and unhappy as he said to me the week before. I got an answer for this message that I was a wonderful girl and very understanding and I have nothing to apologise for and thanks for the good wishes and that I deserve the best and he hopes I will find what I deserve.

One reason that you may not even be aware of is an issue called receptive desire, Mintz says. "As a woman ages and the relationship goes on, [many] stop being spontaneously horny," she explains. "A lot of men and women don't know this, so they wait to be [turned on] to have sex...But you can have sex to get [turned on], rather than wait to be [turned on] to have sex."
Wrong. The truth is, your girlfriend wants to be important to you, but she also needs you to have other activities in your life that don’t include her. Because, if you’ve made your life all about her, it’ll be a case where she sees that she’s 100% won you over. Women get bored of men they’ve won over fully. Why? It makes them think maybe they could do better, and that’s the last thing you want your girlfriend thinking.

If he wants to go out with his friends or for a poker night then let him, you’re not his mum. Show him that it doesn’t bother you if he goes out with friends, you’ll have a nice cozy night in watching movies and enjoy time to yourself. Your life doesn’t revolve around him and you need to show him that you are a strong and clever woman who can take care of herself. And anyhow, would you like it if someone stopped you from doing the things you like to do? I’m guessing the answer is no, so don’t stop him.
When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.
Develop a playful sense of humor. What do girls say they look for most in guys? A sense of humor and a playful attitude These two traits are attractive because they tell other people that we're youthful and not aggressive. So learn a few jokes if you can (friends are always good to try them out on) and keep the ones that work and throw away the ones that don't. Learn to make fun of yourself a little, in a confident way — not a mopey way. And, for goodness sake, be playful, especially when you're around her. Tease her lovingly, or play a small prank on a friend. You'll notice the difference in her.

We’ve come full circle; at this point I can also tell you that if you’ve done everything possible to get back with your ex, if you’ve followed our advice diligently, if you’ve worked with a relationship expert and the one you love still isn’t willing to make any compromises or sacrifices to also accommodate you and to make things work; then perhaps you should consider moving on and research how to get over a breakup because he or she probably wasn’t right for you.
Answer: You can’t make someone be at the same place as you. The only thing you can do is give him the space he needs to figure out if he wants to join you or move on. Let him go and figure things out, and if he is ready to move forward with you, he’ll let you know. Pushing him is only going to drive him farther away and will make him think you aren’t the one. [Read: The 10 best kept secrets to making a man commit to you]

Exactly! Also, can we all admit that pulling away really isn’t that normal in strong and solid relationships? Looking back, I realize that my best relationships did not involve a man pulling away from me. Maybe having a day or two to himself for alone time, sure, but pulling away and creating real emotional distant? No…it’s not normal and yes there is a problem…any time that happened to me, another woman was involved.


You should let your partner know the things that you like and admire about them. You need to tell them about those qualities that make you proud of him. Make him realize his strengths to make him feel good about himself. One of the secrets of a long and fulfilling relationship is keeping the appreciation alive for your partner. Showing appreciation will work wonders in the relationship.
Hi Alexandra, This is exactly what happens to me. A lot. Do everything by the book and it does not produce results. Generally you suddenly see these guys with some bland Miss Piggy woman a month or so later. From what I have understood so far, these men think they are not good enough for you. Unfortunately, I never found any way of solving this. Once they believe this, you cannot change it. Only he can. Just find a guy who thinks he IS worthy of you. Very hard to find. Classy agency is your best bet.
I hope you can help me with this. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now. Things started out great but the last couple of weeks I’ve been kind of moody and on edge due to stressing over finding a job. This weekend I tried to get him to stay with me but he said he would have to work, but wasn’t sure about Saturday due to a possible lack of a ride. So I asked him if I could pick him up Saturday or if he wanted to wait to see me till Sunday. He told me he would just see me Sunday that he didn’t know if he had stuff to do Saturday. Is it possible that I’ve been pushing him away and he’s wanting space or looking to break up with me, or am I just over thinking this whole thing?
One reason that you may not even be aware of is an issue called receptive desire, Mintz says. "As a woman ages and the relationship goes on, [many] stop being spontaneously horny," she explains. "A lot of men and women don't know this, so they wait to be [turned on] to have sex...But you can have sex to get [turned on], rather than wait to be [turned on] to have sex."
You put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex. Sometimes, people do it just to hold on to the possibility of being with their ex in the future. It’s a direct consequence of begging and pleading. It makes your ex think “Well, if you are that desperate to be with me, then you must accept everything that I want.”

This is by far the best article I’ve ever read in my entire life about relationships and how to understand a man. This article would definitely help my BFF understand this as she is the clingiest, neediest & most insecure person ever & fails relationship after relationship. The only thing she says is: “I’m a good person why I can’t get a good man for myself?”. She praises herself endlessly but, when She finally lands a guy, she’s suffocated them so much that they end up leaving her. And believe it or not, as a friend, that’s really hard to watch when u see your BFF being dumped especially when she asks why… That’s when this article comes in. This article should have her name on it.


Great article but didn’t work for me. I read an ebook and finally understood what I’ve been missing all this time. It’s all about triggering biological instincts men have that we women don’t understand because we are just so different. I realized that is why I lost him in the first place! Luckily, there are simple phrases you can use to trigger those instincts, get him back, and keep him hooked forever. Not only got my man back but he treats me like a princess! No more bs. He absolutely adores me and it’s damn effortless on my part. Every time he starts slacking in the relationship, I start talking this way and it stops instantly. Good luck ladies! You deserve a man who will do anything for you :)

I hope you can help me with this. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now. Things started out great but the last couple of weeks I’ve been kind of moody and on edge due to stressing over finding a job. This weekend I tried to get him to stay with me but he said he would have to work, but wasn’t sure about Saturday due to a possible lack of a ride. So I asked him if I could pick him up Saturday or if he wanted to wait to see me till Sunday. He told me he would just see me Sunday that he didn’t know if he had stuff to do Saturday. Is it possible that I’ve been pushing him away and he’s wanting space or looking to break up with me, or am I just over thinking this whole thing?
I spent 6 years with my ex. We were young when we got together and we weren’t good at resolving conflict. But I truly believe we loved each other and that he is the right person for me. We both had a habit of ‘pulling away’. Push, pull, if it wasn’t him, it was me. By the end of it, it was dramatic. It was traumatic for me and him too because we didn’t know how to work it out. Since then we’ve both tried seeing other people. But somehow after 9 months we ended up back spending time together. Getting to know each other again. We started to get close… I never pressured him to be with me but I do love him. I’ve tried to be a lot more understanding of his space. Even his friends have said – ‘this is the best you guys have ever been’… But then shortly after he told me his friend had commented on our ‘changed friendship’ and how close we were getting, he attacked me saying I was getting too comfortable. I was so confused because he had been asking me to stay over and he said he was enjoying his time hanging out. That’s what we established it was. We’ve never put a label on anything and have been free to live our separate lives because of what we have been through there was no use rushing anything even a friendship. I was happy with that and I thought he was too.
Sure, the singer's "need" is partly about sex — that’s what most of us hear in these lyrics. But if you think that’s all there is to it, you may want to take a fresh look at how men experience love and romance. Men have a deep longing for acceptance and respect — that's the real source of sweetness in the song. If you're wondering how to get a man to commit, this is a great insight.
Keep doing you unapologetically. Go about your business and focus on yourself just as much as you would do if he wasn’t a part of your life. All guys appreciate and respect a strong, independent woman—that’s exactly the kind of woman they want to be with. Just do you and treat him as a bonus in your life and he’ll soon try to be a bigger part of it.

For years Peter had reacted to Paulette's complaints about him with defensiveness. When he did allow himself to hear information about what he was doing that troubled his wife, he'd get mad at himself.  Listening to her had escalated his agitation and distress instead of leading to learning. Now Peter decided he'd better address her concerns, beginning by writing out a list of all he could recall. "Information is power," he reminded himself to ease the sting of shame and guilt. 


Keep him on his toes a little to make him wonder where you stand sometimes. Asking him what he is doing every minute of every day and planning things to do without giving him the opportunity to say yes or no can be signs you are becoming clingy and falling too easily for him. As we all know, it should be a mutual chase between the man or the woman. If the balance is off, it becomes too easy for him to take you for granted.
Dear Adam, We broke up with my ex last March and he wanted it, he suddenly cut everything after a nice day we spent together and it was a new kinda relationship for 2.5 months (I know you think I am crazy but it was intense 2.5 months 🙂 and he called me as girlfriend after 2 weeks and after 1.5months he said that I don’t remember lmfabo ) )He is also divorced man 6 years ago. I used no contact rule and it kinda worked. As you said, that distance helped me to understand what was wrong by my side and his side. I read a lot of book and watched a lot podcast. After almost 7 months we saw each other but you know things happened in same day. He thought I tried to get commitment from him but he open the conversation actually. After that day, we texted each other and he said that “I just want to take our time. I cut to talk again around 5 days .Probably he sees someone else too and I should say he is acting very professional like how you call may be playballll lol .
The more your guy says “I love you” then more he will come to terms with it and realize that you are an important person in his life. If at first he refuses to say those 3 words and instead compliments you or says something like “isn’t is obvious” after you have asked whether he loves you, tell him that it would mean more if he said those 3 little words.
I don’t know if someone could give me an advice, or maybe i’ll be criticized but i need to tell someone my storry. It’s a bit large so i apologize but it’s because of how complicated things are. Three years ago i started working as a girl of “company” ( i don’t really like the other words that describe this job). On my sixth month i met Him. At first he was just one of my best clients. But we got to talk a lot and start knowing each other, so we fell in love. He says he fell in… Read more »
Hi Desireen. Nope…you are not crazy! You just want to figure out how to make things feel better for yourself and improve your chances. Its OK that you may have made some mistakes. He made plenty to. We all do. What matters is going forward and what you do. So its good to have an ex recovery plan, both for yourself and also doing things to optimize your chances of getting your ex back. My program is all about that. Go to my site’s home page to learn more about my ebooks, tools, resources, and many other things!
Well, one thing is for certain, you have the right idea. It’s just maybe your execution is wrong. It’s always true: absence does make the heart grow fonder. You can have a person become closer and more attached to you if you take some time apart for a bit; as ironic as that may seem. When you’re truly in love with someone, you’re going to miss that person whenever they’re not around. And the more that you miss that person, the more that you’re going to look forward to seeing them again – and by extension, the more that you’re going to appreciate whatever time that you can get to spend with one another.
Earlier this year. I had gone to Europe to visit my friend. On my way back I stopped in Dubai while in transit to catch flight back home. I went into my Tinder app. Matched with a guy who later began chatting with me. Long story short. He and chatted in for a month. It was cool but hadnt expected to go anywhere as I’m live in South Africa and he an American lived amd worked in the middle east. In that month of our chats I lost my job which was such a big blow to me. He had taken a liking to me so much that he wanted me to visit him in the US all expenses paid. Very hesitant initially but decided to take the plunge. Didn’t get the US visa in time so we decided to meet in Dubai for a few days as thier visa process was faster. Flights booked and paid for. Visa ready. Just has to travel. By this stage he was so into me. He even said hesees me innocent his future and wants a life with me. Promised to look after me financially in my time of unemployment. I had no expectations of this statement. So is great. He sent me money regularly to for support which was very kind. So I went to Dubai he had booked us into a great hotel. Day 1 was lovely. Day 2 was ok started becoming very distant. Day 3. Left me entire day in hotel alone came back 2am. Day 4 ignored me all day until I had to catch flight home late that day. When asked. Just says im dealing with unexpected stuff. That’s it. So im like what must i do or can I help you through it. Just said he needs time. Distant and dismissive. Felt like an irritation to me for those days. I’m heartbroken. I was so accommodating. I got back home amd he didn’t bother to ask If I got home ok. So my question is whether or not what must i do
One question. During this time of me really focusing on myself and trying to understand our situation better. Would it be wise the next time we talk face to face to discuss our future relationship (If we decide to be together again) to mention why things went so wrong in the last one and see if we're willing to set boundaries to not make those mistakes again? A little more insight into our relationship issues. So when we first met he still had a girlfriend. It honestly got under my skin all throughout the relationship because we were Long distance and he never really gave me a clear timeline of when they truly broke up and when we started talking. It made me insecure most of the relationship because early on in the relationship he'd go hours without talking to me. I went through his phone and saw he had met up with her claiming to console her because she was depressed/suicidal. Etc. I should have never got with him until I was comfortable, I realize that now. We started on the wrong foot. Then a series of events where he posted another girl on his page (He deleted it after I told him I didnt feel comfortable, he had no pics of me on his page), confused me with the same girl, and went out with friends with the girl. All without properly communicating with me. I had no issue with him having female friends but his communication about his friends was off. So the Trust and communication really needed work. It was so hard because we were in an LDR. He didnt know how to maintain, honestly. Overall he was a wonderful guy, he just wasnt the greatest at communication when we were apart. Together he was perfect. I felt in the loop. He started to make changes toward the middle/end of the last year of the relationship. So I know he's capable. I dont want to keep bringing up the past but I want to make sure this go around the boundaries are clearer. He broke up with me but I knew the end was near. We both had a lot to work on.
In your case, keep NC shorter than 30 days - usually, around 2 weeks would be enough. Reach out but perhaps you might want to consider all the angles first before deciding whether to tell him or not about your addiction. Some people might take it the wrong way and instead of even feeling pity, it pushes them further away because technically, you weren't being honest throughout the relationship. It might be better to come across and tell him that you've changed and leave it at that unless you know for certain that he would be understanding towards your situation.
My boyfriend and i have been together for 1 year and 1 month. He goes to a different school and he starts talking to this new girl. Just days before, he kept on reassuring me that he wanted to be forever and he is not going to leave me for anybody else. So i thought that he meant it. I feel like he really does love me deep down inside but he just doesn't want to say anything. I love him with all of my heart and he cheated on me and then i begged him to get back with me. I know that that is backwards because usually when someone cheats, they want to get back with their spouse. but he didnt want to. After we had the fight about cheating, we started to talk. So i started to google signs that your ex wants you back. He would tell me their status, he said that they are not dating but they are talking but on all of her instagram pics, she now tags him. I said that i love him and he said that he loves me too. He then blocked me on instagram and snapchat and if i text him he will leave me on read. I know that i deserve better but i love him and i am in love with him. What do i do?
However, for women it is always nice when a guy does the romantic thing and buys you presents etc. So if you have been in a relationship with your man for a while and this is happening to you, then you can also use Slade Shaw’s questioning technique to get him to realise on another level that he needs to pay attention to you in a more romantic way.
In other words: he becomes the center of your world and ultimately, that makes him even more distant. When a man senses that you’re so invested in him and how he feels about you, he becomes turned off. He was attracted to you in the first place because you had a life outside of him. He loved the fact that you made yourself responsible for your own happiness.
If you are a game player its time to look at the underlying fear that drives your manipulations.  Often therapy can really help uncover and help to heal the old hurts that are getting in the way of a healthy future.  Learning how to love yourself is a process worth undertaking. Don’t wait until failed adult relationships confirm your fear that you really aren’t worthy of love.
It’s amazing what you can see with a little bit of time and distance. You might find you’re happier without him, that you can breathe easier, that you’re more like yourself again and maybe you realize getting back together with him isn’t a good idea. Or maybe a little time away causes you to see his good qualities that you took advantage of during the relationship. Maybe now you’re better able to support his vision for the future whereas you weren’t on board before. Whatever the case, sometimes you need to step away from something to see it more clearly.
Albeit having a few good points, like how a lot of people get together out of fear and convenience…This article is still a bunch of bull, full of stereotypical and narrow-minded statements, putting both genders in restrictive and unrealistic categories. For instance, what do you mean by masculine energy, and why do you only allow men to have it? What I see often is women taking on responsibilities like a boss, be it a family, a child, or their partner’s fears and pains, they don’t avoid it, and they are willing to go through the pain despite how much effort… Read more »
Avoiding contact is not just a passive-aggressive way to make your ex miss you. It gives you time to do the things you need to do to prepare yourself for a new relationship (whether it's with your ex or someone new!). Take time during this month to get to know yourself as an individual and to work on areas that you may have let slip during your relationship with your ex. If you contributed to the breakup, this is the time to pinpoint your relationship weaknesses and do the hard work to improve as a human being.
Or you can say something like: "You may not like it, but most of what I do now, I do it for you. You've made a better person. I understand what it means to care for someone now that I've been with you. I want to share that with you again, this time better. Because I can't deny that I still have feelings for you. I'd be lying to myself and lying to the world."
If something is wrong, the other person probably can’t read your mind. When a problem comes up, speak up at the right time. One study suggests young couples are less stressed when they talk out their issues than when they keep their feelings bottled up. And don’t forget to say, “I love you.” Expressing emotions—positive and negative—can benefit that bond.

Ladies…all I can say is if you feel insecure about your looks then make yourself more attractive for YOU! Not for a man. There’s nothing that increases a woman’s feelings of insecurity more than doing something to herself FOR a man, or for the purpose of attracting men. It may make you feel confident and powerful in the short term, but that feeling doesn’t last if your focus is on doing it for him. Your purpose should be feeling better about yourself and increasing your own confidence regardless of men. What men seem to forget is that women are not on this earth solely for their pleasure. How you feel about yourself should be totally independent of what men think.

I don't think you should try anything right now, until you've at least learnt how to stand firm and not let your partner trample all over you. Keep in mind that it always takes two hands to clap in any relationship so it's never completely one person's fault only (even if she tells you so). Unfortunately, as long as you remain like this, she is going to always take advantage of you no matter how many times you get back together with her and she may even think less of you each time. Learn to respect yourself first, if you want to win her back and have her eventually respect you as a partner.

My ex(27f) and I (31M) had avery intense but short relationship (3 months, even though we liked each other for longer than that). At the time of the breakup she started having a lot on her plate, studying something new, working on a project and starting work practices all at the same time, and then it was me, being afraid of losing her and showing it sometimes, I was making her stressed in a time where she needed space and support and ended up breaking up with me. I got into an emotional mess and during the break up day I tried everything, text, mails...She got fed up and blocked me.

Hi Sierra. I get the feeling that you didn’t feel secure in this situation in the first place, that maybe there was no real commitment from him in the first place, and because you didn’t feel secure, you weren’t able to be as attuned to him as you could have been. Which is a dangerous situation to be in. The overall feeling I’m getting from your description (which of course is only a snippet of what went on), and from the fact that he felt like you were talking in circles, then he was probably feeling a sense of pushiness… Read more »
I would add one additional observation, backed up by research findings. When couples have strong skills for talking cooperatively over differences, they find collaborative solutions to "those annoyng little ticks." Often the solution comes just from more understanding of each other; sometimes small changes that each are glad to make also help enormously.
Sadly, even as a full-grown, responsible man-that was the only thing he could NEVER do. Why? I just needed to know he/WE were & he just needed time. I had no issue as long as it was honest. But, no. Never. I allowed him his game, over & over, excusing inexcusable behavior due to his ‘past’. That was until recently. At the height of our relationship, I finally felt confident, because he was showing true EFFORT. WITH his sweet talking. Everything was about as good as possible-I’m not being delusional, I spent literally, over a decade, grew from immature young adults, reconnecting as true adults, with this man & knew/know him inside out (so I thought)..I got to the point of just sensing when he was bothered, ready to go. After all this effort & time, finally getting *it*…with him exhibiting behaviors & saying things I’d never seen from him…at the point of clearly seeing what joy our relationship could evolve into..my world shattered. He ‘left me’ with a 3 sentence, nonsensical text msg, ignoring me since. What? ! I don’t get the refusal to be honest & communicate as adults?! *Especially* as that was the only adamant request asked of him, knowing that, regardless of his words-I’d respect them if they were honestly shared. But to ignore fundamental, human to human, basic kindness after such history? Leave me with a million questions, a need to close things out somehow, immense self-doubt, desire…hate & love-so many conflicting, devastating ideas & feelings to go over & over, in bed every night. Constantly wondering how I possibly broke this, yet hearing his last words to me..a very sincere ‘I love you’ , ringing in my ears.
You need to understand that a relationship is all about balance. From investing, energy, time and effort to being completely present, be it physically or emotionally, you need to able to discern if something is wrong with you. If you are holding yourself back and not expressing yourself completely or overcompensating for your partner’s lack of reciprocity, then you need to reassess the situation.
Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now he used to be like the best thing ever made be feel loved like never before. But of recent he got in to medical school and it started stressing him out and he started giving me less attention and I was actually going through a lot during this period and he was so busy that he wasn’t giving me attention so I started complaining and fighting with him a lot and asking for more attention but eventually he started avoiding me and every time I am with him and his not doing what I want I would start crying and I could feel him drifting away more and more then I spoke to him one night and he said he was indifferent about the relationship and wants us to be friends I cried so much and begged him for a second chance he actually really cares for me this Part I know out of pity he gave me a second chance then a few days ago he sent a random text saying his sorry he ever hurt me and he loves me so much but he still doesn’t call or text me much it hurts cause I really love him and I don’t want to loose i just need advice on what to do because all I want to do is talk to him every time but I don’t want to chock him and if his online and doesn’t text me I start to feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me the thing is how do i give him space and still make him love me as much as he used to
Kimberly Seltzer is a Makeover & Confidence Expert, Therapist and Dating Coach based in Los Angeles. She utilizes the unique combined use of therapy, in-field date coaching, NLP and styling to help people with their confidence and dating life. She is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post, DigitalRomance.com, WorldLifeStyle.com and YourTango and is featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine, AskMen, Fox News Magazine, Redbook and Yahoo Shine. Check out Kimberly’s site seltzerstyle.com.
If you are a game player its time to look at the underlying fear that drives your manipulations.  Often therapy can really help uncover and help to heal the old hurts that are getting in the way of a healthy future.  Learning how to love yourself is a process worth undertaking. Don’t wait until failed adult relationships confirm your fear that you really aren’t worthy of love.
In your case, keep NC shorter than 30 days - usually, around 2 weeks would be enough. Reach out but perhaps you might want to consider all the angles first before deciding whether to tell him or not about your addiction. Some people might take it the wrong way and instead of even feeling pity, it pushes them further away because technically, you weren't being honest throughout the relationship. It might be better to come across and tell him that you've changed and leave it at that unless you know for certain that he would be understanding towards your situation.
This may be the best advice. Be happy. Don’t put on a façade. Be happy because you deserve happiness. Have you always wanted to travel to Paris? Book that flight! Have you desired a new career? Go back to school. Want to learn a new talent? Sign up for that painting class. Whatever it is that will make you a happier, healthier you, do it! If your ex sees you living out your dreams, he may miss you and come back. If he doesn’t, one day you will realize you don’t care. Guys really do like happy girls the most because they want to feel good when they're around you. If you're constantly full of drama when he’s around he’s going to start associating feeling bad with being around you and this is going to end things rather quickly. When you’re happy around him he’ll also be more inclined to reach out to you the next time he’s having a bad day.

Risk factor: Medium to high. If he's a jerk, he may look at this as an opportunity for some bed-hopping, single-guy abandon. He may find he likes it better when you're not around and move to make it a permanent condition. If that happens, he's not worth the price of your return ticket. Besides, if you haven't had The Talk, no one's stopping you from staying on an extra week and having that little vacation fling with a lusty young cabana boy. If that's what you want, go for it.
Erika, thank you for that. After a 13 year horrible marriage and another 2 year relationship, I felt broken. I am seeing a guy who has been through something similar. He has told me he has a hard time expressing feelings. Now, he is pulling a way a little. I feel depressed, as if I am not good enough. But your response, helps me to realize: Slow is good and he and I both need time. When we are together, things are fantastic. I will give it time and see what happens.

Laurel House is an International Dating Coach, Online Dating Expert, and the author of “Screwing The Rules; The No-Games Guide to Love.” You may seen hear her advice on Good Morning America, Today Show, AskMen.com, The Wall Street Journal, or you may have been one of the 24 million views of her YouTube videos. She is known as “The Man Whisperer.” Check out her site laurelhouse.com.
I know this is hard and I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have dated a man that is emotionally unavailable and is following the same pattern that he had in his life. You mentioned his father never married his mother so this is an issue that he has to overcome himself. This is his past playing into his life now. You have to make yourself less available to him and understand that you deserve more than this. I would encourage you to book a session with me or a male coach on my team so we can help you during this time. You can reach out to me on my contact page. If so please state you messaged me on my blog so I can remember. We are here if you need further guidance.
We spoke this past Sunday after not talking for two days and we both agreed on being friends and taking it slow. We both agreed that it didn't feel right to just say bye to each other like that and that we both mean way too much to each other. She doesn't wanna deal with the stress of relationship expectations right now. I just need to earn her trust again and take it day by day. I dont think she doesn't want this. She just wants to be 100% sure. The same way she's gone about us the last 7 months which sucks because all that trust I earned was somewhat lost. I told her if we gotta start over I'll do it. Im just happy she actually heard me out. Felt like she really did miss me and wanted to work things out. She just wants to be sure it'll never happen again.

I started no contact after a phone call five days ago. Friday is her birthday however. I want to do no contact but think it’s rude if I don’t wish her a happy birthday. Do I use the birthday as a first step of positive texting then continue no contact for 30 days? Wish I read this earlier. The neediness was the worst look and clearly hurt more then helped.
There could be a variety of reasons for her hot and cold behavior, and its hard to speculate what it might be. I would suggest continuing to text her but try to liven up the conversation topics whenever possible, and back away whenever she becomes cold so as to not end up overthinking and confronting her about it. Give her some room to ease back into this a step at a time, and try not to build up your expectations right now or get emotional if she doesn't respond the way you want her to.

Relationships often end in a whirlwind of doubt and bitter accusation. You probably said a few things you didn't mean, and she fought back. Now that you've had a little bit of time to think about what's been lost, you know you want her back. If you put your heart and mind to it, you might be able to win her over all over again. Fixing whatever went wrong in the first place can be all it takes to prove that you've changed.
I started no contact after a phone call five days ago. Friday is her birthday however. I want to do no contact but think it’s rude if I don’t wish her a happy birthday. Do I use the birthday as a first step of positive texting then continue no contact for 30 days? Wish I read this earlier. The neediness was the worst look and clearly hurt more then helped.

my bf left me for another girl.he keeps telling me that i am nothing to him.he wants to b with the other girl.he has no feeling for me anymore.this has started more than one year ago.by this time he also speak to me but not on his own mood or to rebuild our relationship.he does so becz i request him to be with me at least for some hours or some minute… we talk only 2 or 3 days per a week…but I can’t stay without him I want him back.plzz help me…if this is possible for me to get him back as my bf again??

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